


Endless Night

by Brook1



Category: Hunger Games Trilogy - Suzanne Collins
Genre: Death, Eating Disorders, F/F, F/M, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, M/M, Mentions of Suicide, Racism, Racist Language, Rape/Non-con Elements, Suicide, Underage Sex, Violence, body image issues
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-14
Updated: 2021-03-02
Packaged: 2021-03-04 07:29:14
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 102
Words: 179,670
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24719815
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Brook1/pseuds/Brook1
Summary: Lilith Hardy has plenty of reasons to hate the Capitol. She was taken from her family in District 11 to train for the 61st Games, which she won in a spectacular fashion. But newfound fame and attention brings equally challenging issues to light. Can Lilith manage raising her siblings, mentoring, duties in the Capitol, and more? What about the rebellion? Lilith Hardy must face the steepest odds to survive in a harsh world.Chapters 1-18: the 61st Hunger Games/the CapitolChapters 19-23: Back HomeChapters 24-39: the 62nd Hunger Games/the CapitolChapters 40-51: Back HomeChapters 52-64: the 63rd Hunger Games/the CapitolChapters 65-87: ChangesChapters 88-?: the 64th Hunger GamesDisclaimer: I do not own the Hunger Games series, idea, or any of its characters, Suzanne Collins does. I own Lilith Hardy and the other original characters in this story only.
Relationships: Annie Cresta/Finnick Odair, OC/OC, Peeta Mellark/Katniss Everdeen
Comments: 226
Kudos: 48
Collections: Hunger games





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This story is a dark, mature, mostly depressing, angsty Hunger Games fanfiction. There is cursing, lots of violence, torture in many forms, non-consensual/forced sex, and themes of mental illness. 
> 
> This is me letting out my angsty side. The Hunger Games is the perfect fandom to make my characters suffer.

_Lilith Hardy woke to the sound of men shouting._ This wasn’t unusual in District 11, because if the workers couldn’t eat the food they produced, there was always cheap alcohol available. The Peacekeepers tolerated drunkenness because it kept the population scared of not only the Capitol but itself. Lilith could count ten abusive fathers on her block, fifteen on the next.

This shouting, however, wasn’t coming from drunks. The voices were steady and official, obviously coming from men who were used to power and deference. Peacekeepers. Lilith sat up quickly from her couch bed, fixing her hair as she dashed to the door. A group of four crisply uniformed officers stood outside. Their leader was the head Peacekeeper of the region, Frederick Early, a known womanizer. His eyes went to the shocked sixteen-year-old’s chest, and she was suddenly glad that she hadn’t put a jacket over her tight sleeping top and cropped shorts. Anything that might make the Peacekeepers more friendly was an advantage. 

“Officers. Mr. Early, sir. Would you like to come in?” Lilith kept her eyes down and tone light.

Mr. Early quirked his lips. “No, I don’t want to dirty myself in your shack. I have a piece of business that we can discuss outside.”

“Of course, sir.” The girl followed the Peacekeepers out the door and into the cold night, her arms immediately breaking out into goosebumps. 

“Miss Hardy, as you are aware, there has not been a Victor from District 11 for two decades, and only six in our history.”

Our _history,_ Lilith thought indignantly, but kept her face neutral. _You moved here from the Capitol four years ago and live in a fucking mansion, asshole. We don’t share anything, especially not a history._

Mr. Early continued. “This year, both Tributes from District 11 died in the bloodbath. Next year, it has been decided, it will be different. The other Peacekeeper region heads and I are choosing the two smartest, strongest, and fastest boys and girls from our regions and sending them to train with former Victors in the Northern region. The top girl and boy will be picked in next year’s Reaping. You, my dear, are one my choices.”

Lilith swallowed, panic and fear setting in. “That is an honor, sir, but... this is the western region. Will I have to move?”

“Yes. You have ten minutes to pack. You may leave a note, but you may not wake your family for goodbye.”

“I suppose that I have no choice in the matter.”

This made Mr. Early give a cold, cruel grin. “No. If you refuse to go, we will remove your family and everyone you know. If you slack off in training, we will remove your family and everyone you know. If you get chosen and do not win the Games, we will remove your family and everyone you know. If you get chosen and do not win the Games in a spectacular and noteworthy manner, then refuse to play your part as a Victor, we will remove your family and everyone you know.”

Lilith nodded stiffly. “Understood. I will be back in ten minutes.”

It took her only three minutes to change and pack her few possessions into a bag. Then, she sat down and penned a note to her mother.

_Mama,_

_I am so sorry to leave so suddenly, but the Capitol commands it. I have been chosen as a possible Victor for next year’s Games and will train in the North until then. I hope to return but may never see you and the kids again. I will do everything I can to protect you, but know that you will now be targets. Your lives are in danger._

_I love you so much. I never say it, but I do, Mama. You are strong and brave and, most importantly, kind. Please tell little Ursula and Nathan that I love them and to grow up tough and learn to survive. Tell Brandon that I will be alright, that everything will be alright, just like always. He knows how much I adore him._

_Brandon can be difficult to connect with and you’ve struggled with it, Mama, but I believe that you can do it. You have to, now._

_I hope against hope that I will see you again,_

_Lilith_

Lilith felt like she was dreaming even as she was carried away from her home, family, and life in an armored truck. It was the first vehicle that she’d ever been in but she was too shocked to enjoy it. Besides, the Peacekeepers’ stares and comments weren’t particularly nice. She had changed into her only set of long sleeves and was wearing her best jacket (the one with only a few holes in it). 

“I wish you’d stayed in the other shirt. That one looked better on you,” Mr. Early told her. 

“I thought that this outfit was more appropriate for the weather,” Lilith replied evenly. It was the first and only thing she said that entire four-hour ride. District 11 passed by outside the window, orchard after orchard, with identical worker communities evenly placed in between them and fenced-in herds of cattle. There were four regions in the District because it was so massive-- it could fit the first five Districts with a little room. The land had arbitrarily been split up after the war sixty years before and there was little difference between each of the regions even decades later. The workers were miserable and the Peacekeepers reveled in pain and fear and money. 

Dawn had barely cracked when the truck entered the mayor’s grounds. Lopedius Heavensbee had gained control of the District a decade before and immediately ordered the construction of a mansion and a beautifully kept lawn on three acres of farmland. He’d taxed the nearby settlement for the drop in food production. He was hated throughout 11, though no one dared voice their concerns for fear of retribution.

Lilith watched large, colorful birds strut by from the window as the truck came to a halt. What were they called? She remembered reading about them in a battered book of pre-war animals. 

“They’re peacocks,” a young soldier told the girl, following her gaze out the window. “Pompous creatures. Fit Mayor Heavensbee’s personality pretty well.”

Lilith couldn’t help the snort that escaped her lips. Then she pinched herself for reacting, and quickly schooled her features. The Peacekeeper apprised her smirkingly. “You’re a careful one, aren’t you, Hardy? How disappointing.”

Mr. Early prodded the young man with the butt of his gun. “Leave our next Victor alone, she’s not for you to play with, Willow. Come, girl, and join your fellow trainees.” He grabbed Lilith’s arm and practically threw her out of the truck, shoving her towards a group of teenagers who stood under a nearby oak tree. A few looked scared and emotional, but the majority were impassive and looked very strong. 

Lilith tightened her grip on her bag and steeled herself. _This is it. Now you start to fight. These are your enemies, never forget that. This is where the Hunger Games begin._


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lilith meets the other trainees and begins to figure out who will challenge her for the Tribute position.

_Lilith walked confidently towards the other trainees, keeping her head held high and expression steady._ She joined the group, noting their reactions and appearance. There were four regions in the District, so eight trainees in total. As Lilith introduced herself, she took a brief analysis of them.

Jaylee Scylla was a fifteen-year-old from the North. She seemed strong and determined, small and a good climber. Her voice was even and controlled, and her eyes were hard flint. The scars running up her arms and legs (it appeared that she had been taken while in her skimpy pajamas as well, but not had time to change) told a story of abuse and pain. She would be a threat.

Hay (yes, like the grain) Moon was eighteen, from the South. She rivaled the tallest boy in height with her lanky beanstalk frame. Lilith guessed that she had more muscle and tricks than her thin limbs suggested. She dominated the conversation and came off as well-read and intelligent. Interestingly, there was no cynical edge to her voice. 

Tassel Sun of the East was also eighteen, short and stout with unusual blonde hair, blue eyes, and white skin. The majority of District 11 citizens had darker skin, eyes, and hair, tanned even more by the unrelenting heat they worked in (even in the trees, the sun reached workers). “My family doesn’t come from 11,” she said with a wide, unbalanced smile that immediately threw Lilith off. 

Two of the boys came from different regions but could have been twins. Stalk Richwind and Sickle Hart both had the same bulky, muscled frame, hazel eyes, and raven-black hair. Stalk, sixteen, was the quieter of the two and came off as a bookworm while Sickle, seventeen, was louder and seemed coldly brilliant.

Eighteen-year-old South-born Kite Harvest posed the biggest threat, Lilith could tell right away. His muscles weren’t the biggest of the group but didn’t all come from throwing weights around, like the other boys’; he had obviously gotten the chance to practice throwing and fighting skills, which took considerable trickery. For the past few months, Lilith had been training with a rebellious Peacekeeper in return for sleeping with him four nights a week. She had hoped to make an escape with her family and join the Rebellion, but her skills would come in handy now. 

The last boy, seventeen-year-old Harry Wilson, had actually been working in the fields with Lilith for years. She knew that he was strong and a good actor, but was confident that she could beat him. 

Mayor Heavensbee came out of the mansion an hour after dawn, wearing the fanciest outfit any of the trainees had ever seen. “Line up!” He snapped, and the teenagers rushed to comply. “Good. You’re all responsive, know who’s boss. Now, the Reaping is in three months. I fully expect to see two primed, bloodthirsty tributes entering the Games, and one to win. You will learn basic survival and weapons skills as well as strategy and tips from three former Victors, Seeder Howell, Chaff Mitchel, and Killian Haze.”

Lilith nodded curtly. Tassel grinned, showing uneven yellow teeth. “Oh! That’s so exciting. Killian was so handsome... he still is, of course.”

Mayor Heavensbee glared at Tassel. “Don’t interrupt me, girl! That was your first and final warning. As I was saying, you will all be trained hard. Disappointment means death, for you and your families. You will be given two meals a day and sleep in whatever shelter you can create from my forest. The mentors will arrive later today, and you will have the morning to make your shelters.”

Mayor Heavensbee went back inside. The majority of the Peacekeepers had left, leaving ten to watch over the trainees, who stood silently for a moment.

“Well,” Kite said. “Let’s make shelters.”

Lilith distanced herself from the group and headed a little into the thick woods behind the mansion. Low-quality twine and tarps had been laid out, and she grabbed a few supplies as well as a rock that she sharpened to cut the twine. 

Back home, Lilith would take her younger siblings (Ursula and Nathan, four-year-old twins, and fourteen-year-old Brandon) out into the wilder woods beyond the orchards sometimes to spend a night. It wasn’t allowed, but many people did it, including Peacekeepers. So Lilith knew how to make a solid shelter with little to work with and no knife. She also could adeptly climb to reach the best branches since she usually spent half of her day in a tree. 

The young Peacekeeper who’d flirted with her earlier followed, watching Lilith build with an impressed look on his face. “I’ve been assigned as your guard,” was all he said, however.

Lilith sat down in the shelter once she was done, carefully keeping her face blank but letting her thoughts wander to her family. Her father Scythe had died of a heart attack after drinking heavily for twenty years soon after the twins’ birth, leaving Jay Hardy to raise four children. Lilith had taken on more responsibility then, not only adding a shift to her workload but shouldering the burden of her brother Branden, who was deaf and mentally ill. Jay knew sign language but would have flashbacks of Scythe’s abuse whenever Brandon had a meltdown. The teenager was able to connect with his sister much more than his mother. 

The twins were relatively normal children, as difficult and loud as the others on the block. Jay worked the after-midnight work shift to allow Lilith to work the afternoon and after-dark shifts. They had a relationship based on mutual respect, less so devotion, and they got along well. 

A long, shrill horn call broke Lilith out of her thoughts. “That’s the meal call,” the Peacekeeper- Grant Willow- told her.

“All right.” Lilith got to her feet and followed Grant as he led her to the mansion, where about half of the trainees were gathered around a table stacked with food.

“This bread is so good!” Tassel exclaimed, waving a half-eaten piece around. Lilith gave her a look before giving herself small portions of meat, greens, rice, and bread. It would be the first meal that she’d had in two days, so she had to readjust her body to substance.

“Lilith, over here,” Harry called. He was sitting with the other boys under a tree. Tassel went over to eat with Jaylee and Hay a few feet away. 

“It is interesting that we were both chosen. The West is bigger than all of District Twelve and we live two blocks apart,” Lilith said to Harry. 

“You’re neighbors?” Sickle had a large plate of food that he was absolutely scarfing down.

“Yes, we share the afternoon shift,” Lilith replied. “Is there a shift system in your regions? We have four that last six hours.”

“Ours last five and a half,” Sickle answered. As the conversation progressed, Lilith took in more information about them. Eventually, she excused herself and joined the girls, who were more outgoing and willing to share about their personal lives. Tassel’s clan came from outside the Districts originally, which was why she looked so different from all of the others. 

“So. Now you know about our families, what about yours?” Hay asked.

“Not much to tell. Three siblings and a mother. Father drank himself to death, good riddance for that.” Lilith could talk her way around most adults but became reticent and awkward around her peers, a fact not helped by the fact that she had Branden with her in the afternoons and communicated only with him. 

“Don’t say that! I’m sure he loved you!” Tassel said, real shock in her voice.

“Right. He loved to hit me, more like,” Lilith snorted. “Not my brother, though. ‘Men don’t need teachin’,’ he used to say.”

Tassel gasped while Hay and Jaylee laughed. “What, your father didn’t abuse you? Lucky. It’s pretty normal, at least in my region.” Jaylee shrugged, biting into a piece of chicken.

“No, not- not in the East!” Tassel replied. “I mean, my people have a little community to ourselves, but I assume that the rest of the region is free from abuse!”

Lilith left the meal full for the first time in weeks and feeling a little more prepared. A little sharing could go a long way. She had already decided who would be her competition for the Tribute spot. 


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Training continues.

_District 11’s three remaining Victors arrived the next morning and immediately put the trainees through an obstacle course._ Seeder Howell was their unofficial leader. She had won the 30th Hunger Games at sixteen, killing five Tributes and showing her considerable strength of will and body. She was in her late forties but hadn’t let herself slip into drug addiction or alcoholism, like the winner of the 45th Games, Chaff Mitchel, who liked to drink with District 12’s sole living Victor Haymitch Abernathy. Chaff immediately ate the rest of the leftovers from breakfast and sat down under a tree, drinking from a flask.

Killian Haze had won the year after Chaff. He had been a tall, strong, handsome fifteen-year-old and was immediately popular, partially because he had volunteered for his younger brother. Killian had scored a 10 in training and joined with the Careers, quickly becoming their leader in killing eight Tributes. He had betrayed them after they killed his twelve-year-old District partner brutually, giving them a taste of what Io had gone through as she hung off of a spiky branch for five hours. He hadn’t made the last kill in the Games despite racking up a death toll of thirteen, because the District 6 girl and District 9 boy had fought to the death, leaving Killian the winner.

Killian had begun to sleep around in the Capitol after he turned sixteen. Lilith knew that his younger brother was now dead but little else about his personal life. He seemed confident but slightly haunted, a little erratic.

Killian led the trainees to the start of the obstacle course, which was a fifty-foot-high rope net that they had to climb. The next obstacle were ropes that the teenagers had to use to get to the third obstacle, a duel with each other using wooden knives. The fourth obstacle was a tightrope over a mudpit, then there would be a series of rickety ladders to get down. There were nets below all of the obstacles to make sure that nobody died on the first day. 

Lilith was suddenly very glad that she worked two work shifts, because the extra strength would be key. Killian shouted to signal the start, and the trainees were off. Jaylee was the first to reach the net but the boys and Lilith quickly passed her on the climb. After ten feet, Salk and Sickle were in the lead, Kite close behind. They weren’t even sweating when they reached the top, five minutes before Jaylee and Tassel. 

Harry finished with the net seconds before Lilith, who took a moment to calm her mind before launching onto the ropes, which were much more spread out than she had expected. Sickle and Stalk were clinging onto a rope in the middle of the course, trying to figure out how to reach the next one, which was at least ten feet away. Kite had almost reached him. Lilith latched onto her first rope, getting out to where it got spread out. She decided to try swinging and then leaping, which worked very well and landed her in second place on the knife station.

Kite smirked. “Nice. I think that the others have finally caught on. Harry tried and fell, though.”

Lilith shrugged and looked down at her region partner, who had indeed missed the rope on a wide swing and been caught in the net. “Oh well. Let us duel. So, how does this work?”

“I don’t know. Let’s fight until one of us makes a move that would kill the other if the knives were real.” Kite moved before he was done speaking, but Lilith was ready with a parry. They were well-matched, matching blow for blow. All of the other trainees except for Sickle and Harry, who had fallen, were paired up by the time Kite’s knife landed on Lilith’s throat.

“I win. Damn. That was close.”

Lilith nodded, smirking, as Jaylee disarmed Tassel in one movement and threw her off the edge of the platform. “Yes. To the ladders.”

The ladders proved to be quite difficult. All of them were rickety and thin, realistically only able to hold one teenager, and none were longer than six feet. Stalk, Jaylee, Kite, Lilith, and Hay started together, but quickly spread out again. Lilith was glad that she was so light; a ladder immediately snapped underneath Stalk and he fell into the net, cursing profusely. The three remaining girls got down all right, though Hay almost lost her grip on a particularly rickety ladder, and Kite proved adept and agile.

Seeder walked over, grinning. “Wonderful! That was a little slow, but a good first go! Ten minutes. Next time, make it nine and a half.”

The next few weeks seemed to fly by in a whir of obstacle courses, overnights alone in the woods (well, with Peacekeepers nearby) for survival practice, runs, and weapons training. Lilith missed her family horribly and worried constantly about them, but she was fed a full meal twice a day and could use her mind while working. In the orchards, since she was light and relatively short, her job was to cut down fruit if it was ready to harvest or take care of the trees. The only redeeming factor was that it involved plenty of climbing. She would come up with stories with Brandon during the afternoons and herself at nights to keep the boredom away.

Lilith was also getting more sleep as well. At home, because of her two shifts and the needs of her siblings, she was lucky to get four hours, but at training she consistently slept for seven. Although as the Reaping approached, the trainees were being woken earlier in the day and training for about an hour longer. Physical activity was proving to be a balm for Lilith’s worries and helped keep nightmares away, and she found a love for running and fighting. 

Jay Hardy had never been a particularly loving mother, which was maybe why Lilith felt so drawn to Seeder, who showed concern for all of the trainees and was comforting. She would make time for everyone that needed it, making most trainees like her even in the circumstances.

Seeder came to Lilith’s shelter two weeks before the Reaping, after a day of battle training where the trainees had been allowed to use real knives. As always, Kite and Lilith had been paired together, and were so matched that neither had worse wounds than light scratches. Their fight lasted three hours, beating Jaylee and Stalk’s pitched battle by two and a half hours. It ended when both collapsed in exhaustion, unable to finish. The mayor’s entire family had come out, cheering, as well as all of the Peacekeepers. Even Chaff had looked up from his drink a moment to watch.

Lilith had gotten through her fatigue to lightly stab her knife down on Kite’s back, imitating a killing blow but not breaking the skin. Now, she was resting on the rough floor of her shelter, eyes closed. Seeder gently touched her shoulder, smiling softly. “You did great today.”

“Yeah, sure. I know how to fight and to kill. I wouldn’t call that ‘great.’” All of Lilith’s hatred at the Capitol was bubbling below the surface, ready to explode. 

“It’s good for this purpose. Maybe you can save your family. I... all right. You can be trusted, I think. After my Games, I came home to find my parents shot and my sister missing. I had made a comment about how the Games were harsh and paid for it. I won’t lie to you, even if you do win, which I believe that you will, this won’t get easier. The Games started when you were taken from your home and won’t end until this government falls.” Seeder put her hand up as Lilith sent a sharp look at Grant. “He can’t hear us and the bugs are blocked for now. We’re safe.”

“So you’re a part of the Rebellion,” Lilith murmured. “And the other Victors?”

“I won’t tell you more than you need to know. I can tell you that you have a place in the Rebellion after the Games. You are an incredibly clever girl and would be an adept agent for us.”

“Whatever it takes. I’m already sick of the Games,” Lilith replied. “I will win. For my family and for the future.”

Lilith went into training with a new focus, beating Kite in the next battle and running harder, leading the group around their seven-mile loop of Mayor Heavensbee’s stunning property. She expanded her lead over the other girls, trying to ensure that her name would be called at the Reaping. 

That was when the nightmares started. Jaylee had brought a picture of her mother and siblings (excluding her horrid father, who she hated), and the other two had described their families so well that Lilith could see them. She dreamed of all of the ways that the Peacekeepers would kill and torture them for their daughters’ failure. She woke three or four times a night, biting on her tongue to keep from screaming. _If I win, I won’t just dream of Jaylee, Tassel, and Hay’s families. I’ll dream of my fellow trainees’ deaths- because they won’t possibly be allowed to live if they’re not chosen- and the other Tributes. Do I really want that? And for what? My family, who will probably be killed anyway?_

Lilith was thinking this the night before the Reaping, lying with her eyes closed as to not alert Grant that she was awake. _But if I don’t win, I can’t help the Rebellion, the only hope for an end to this death and destruction. I can make a difference, I_ want _to make a difference, and that is why I need to win._

Lilith slept well that night, sure of her ambition and ready for the horrors to come. 


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Training ends. WARNING: Violence and death in this chapter, also themes of sexual assault.

_The trainees’ last breakfast at Mayor Heavansbee’s mansion was luxurious._ The table normally held a balanced assortment of vegetables, meat, and fruit, but it was piled high with sweets this morning. Tassel, Jaylee, Stalk, and Harry raced right over, but the rest held back and only took food after the first group had cleared off about half of the table. Lilith bit into a mini pastry and felt her stomach churn at its sickly sweetness. She didn’t like wasting food, so she finished it, but didn’t enjoy it. She chose to eat plain oatmeal with a bit of cinnamon (a spice that she’d never heard of before becoming a trainee). She took an apple when Grant urged her to get a treat, not wanting to start anything. 

Kite was watching Harry scarf down a fruit tart with a disgusted look on his face. “How can they even stomach that? It’s not like any of us have ever eaten pastries like that before, maybe with the exception of Tassel.”

“It is killing my appetite,” Lilith agreed. “I have to eat, though, for there is no guarantee that food will be available in the Arena.” The two had an unspoken understanding that their names would be called in the Reaping. All the trainees spoke with the assumption that they would be chosen, with the exception of Jaylee, who hardly talked at all, and the mentors who had left the night before for the Reaping site). 

The mayor’s pretty daughter Cassie had gotten very close to Sickle, and the two had spent as much time as they could together. It had been entertaining watching the mayor’s reaction to the relationship, from amusement to concern to horror. He couldn’t have his daughter cavorting around with a worker boy who was going to leave within a month. This morning, the two were attempting to get away from the Peacekeepers so they could say goodbye. It didn’t help that all of the Heavensbees, including Cassie’s frail mother and toddler sister, was there as well.

“I _really_ have to pee,” Sickle told a Peacekeeper, almost whining. The other trainees were watching with interest, even the ones with piles of sweets. “And there are so many people here, there’s no privacy!”

“I understand that. I am saying that you cannot go on your own, I have to go with you.” Lilith slowly chewed on a bite of oatmeal as she watched, rolling her eyes at Sickle’s stubbornness. Eventually, the boy had to give in, and walked off with the Peacekeeper dejectedly.

“That is why he won’t get chosen,” Kite commented. “He’s strong and smart, but he let his feelings get out of hand. This is no place to fall in love.”

“Agreed.” Lilith finished her meal and stood. She had taken down her shelter that morning, so there was nothing keeping her at the mansion anymore. Homesickness had begun to seep in, which was unfortunate because she wouldn’t get to go home anytime soon. 

“Trainees! Time to go!” Mayor Heavensbee called. “You’re all in one truck, so get over here!”

Lilith reached the truck after Jaylee, whose eyes were blank as she was patted down for any weapons. Grant padded his charge down, lingering a little too long on her chest and hips, then smiled and offered an arm up. Lilith took it with a nod, entering the truck. She sat beside the silent Jaylee.

“No!” A scream sounded. The girls in the truck watched as Cassie’s feelings exploded and she raced over to Sickle, who was being patted down. The other trainees moved aside, not wanting to be a part of the drama. Tassel wasn’t as oblivious as she had seemed at first and learned to control herself. Now, she put on an air of distraction. Kite, Stalk, and Hay struck up a quiet conversation while Harry pretended to toss a rock up and down. He dropped it several times because all of his attention was on the star-crossed couple. 

“Cassie!” Mayor Heavensbee snapped. “Get away from him! You are engaged to be married, and even if you weren’t, you wouldn’t possibly be allowed to be with scum like him!”

“But father, I love him!” Cassie wailed, kicking at the Peacekeeper that tried to pull her away from Sickle, who was murmuring quietly to his girlfriend. The soldiers were obviously unwilling to injure the mayor’s daughter. “You can’t do this! It’s so inhumane!” Mrs. Heavensbee realized what was about to happen and hurried her children away, shooting a baleful look at her daughter as she went. 

“Training us is humane. Then, we have more of a chance to win,” Kite pointed out. “What do you want, a total system change? Have fun with that.”

“The system is wrong,” Sickle said in a low voice. Lilith shook her head in disbelief. “The revolution was sixty years ago! What point is there to keep having kids murder each other?”

“You need to stop,” the head Peacekeeper said in a dangerously calm tone. “If you do not cease your revolutionary talk, you will be executed.”

“So- so you’re gonna kill me for telling the truth? Well, all right. That just proves my point. I have starved my entire life! My mother and older sister work three shifts, and I’ve started to as well, but all that work doesn’t pay enough and my baby brother still died because my mother couldn’t produce enough milk! My toddler sister was killed by a bird in the fields because nobody had time to stay home with her and she wandered off! And- and now I’ll be forced to fight twenty-three other _children_ to the death just as I’ve found my true love! Cassie, I-”

His angry rant cut off as Grant’s bullet entered his back, tearing through muscle, bone and blood to enter a sobbing Cassie’s abdomen. They died choking on their own blood, holding each other, tears of desperation and loss running down their faces. Grant paled as Mayor Heavensbee turned on him, suddenly furious. The other trainees were frozen in shock, eyes wide. 

“How _dare_ you?” The mayor roared at Grant, who fell to his knees but didn’t try to beg for mercy. He knew what was coming to him. “That was my daughter! She was a fool, yes, but still my daughter! She was to be married into a rich family in District 4. Do you know what that would have done for me? I could finally move my _dear_ family out of this miserable District of farmers and drunkards! You have ruined that for me! Kill him!”

The head Peacekeeper motioned, and three soldiers pounced on Grant, beating him to the ground. The other trainees rushed, falling over each other, into the truck, and the driver revved the engine once two guards had forced themselves in.

The image of a Peacekeeper bashing Grant’s head in with the butt of a gun, set to the soundtrack of Cassie and Sickle’s cries, played through Lilith’s head on the absolutely silent, squished ride to the Reaping.

_I need to calm down._ As the landscape became more urban and a sign reading **Graintown! District 11’s Only City, Population 6,500** flashed by, Lilith tried to still her mind. _Cassie and Sickle made mistakes and let their feelings overpower their logic. Grant acted too quickly. Bottom line, they got themselves killed and there’s nothing you can do about it. No matter how correct Sickle was._ The girl smoothed her breathing out, forcing her mind away from the mayor’s mansion. _What does Jay always say? “Keep to yourself and don’t let others’ errors affect you. That is the fast track to getting killed.”_ Her mother’s effective if cynical words calmed her, and Lilith could focus on the city, which she had only read about.

In Panem standards, Graintown was a drab, tiny place, but it was massive to teenagers who had never seen a building over two stories before that wasn’t a factory or mansion. While the same in color, each building seemed to have a different purpose, from a bakery to a school. Back in the West, Lilith and a few other kids her age had been taught by an old woman in her home for two hours a day. The kids learned math up to Algebra level, how to read and write proficiently, Panem’s basic layout and geography, and the true history of Panem before and after the rebellion. Mrs. Breeze had been killed months before after a student had turned her in. Luckily, Lilith had stopped going to her when she turned fifteen, unable to keep up lessons with two shifts and three siblings. 

Graintown seemed exciting and full of culture from the truck. The people walking down its streets were dressed in clean, brightly colored clothing, and they had an air of pride and smugness about them. The aura of culture disappeared as soon as the trainees reached City Hall, where the Reaping was held in a massive square that saw executions and whippings almost every day. Today, five thousand grim children stood under the sweltering sun. 

Since District 11 was so humongous, the Reaping was held in different regions every year. Possible tributes were chosen from a bowl of four to six thousand, usually all from that region. Lilith had been thirteen the last time she had shown up for a Reaping, in the Fifty-Eighth Hunger Games. 

The trainees attracted many curious stares as they unloaded from the cramped and uncomfortable truck into even more oppressive heat. Lilith ignored the looks and walked up to the check-in table confidently, barely felt the prick when they checked her off, and found a place at the edge of the Sixteen-Year-Old Girls section. 

The escort was a glitzily dressed man named Ilinican Everheart who couldn’t be older than twenty. It was his first year as an excort and made his disdain for 11 obvious in his overly dramatic presentation of the Reaping. A still frazzled-looking Mayor Heavensbee had somehow showed up before the trainees to give the obligatory Hunger Games speech.

Ilinican came back up to the mic. A sheen of sweat showed on his dark skin, offset by his bright silver low-cut top. “Now! Ladies first! Your female tribute on this _gloriously_ sweltering day-” here he cut himself off for effect, rolling his eyes- “is Lilith Hardy!”

Lilith kept her face carefully blank as she went up to the stage, where the mentors waited under an umbrella. Seeder nodded at her as she passed, and Killian smirked. Jaylee and Hay had nodded resignedly when they weren’t called, and Tassel had barely held herself back from volunteering, fury crossing her face. It was absolutely unspoken that nobody volunteered in District 11. 

“Your male tribute is...” Ilinican drew the moment out, eliciting groans from the crowd. “Kite Harvest! Are there any volunteers?”

Neither of the other trainee boys made a move and Kite came to stand beside Lilith, looking calm and collected. “Here are your Tributes from District 11! May the odds be ever in your favor!”


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Watching the Reaping.

_Lilith didn’t expect to get any visitors, so she was surprised when Jaylee walked into the waiting room._ “I knew it,” the fifteen-year-old said with a small smile. “You were doing so well, and you improved a lot in the last week.”

“I decided that my family was worth more to me than yours,” Lilith said bluntly, but it was obvious that she felt regret. “I will have to live with that, now.” She felt the old fear rise through her, but pushed it down. 

“This isn’t your fault. We both know whose it is.” _It’s the Capitol’s_ was hanging in the air, but neither dared risk saying it. Jaylee sighed. “What you have to do now, Lilith, is win. Win for the rest of us as well as your family.”

“Is it likely that I’ll ever see you again?” Lilith asked, knowing the answer. “Because I’d like to... have dinner with you. Not with a group, just you.”

“I’d like that too,” Jaylee replied, grinning now. “But I think that won’t be possible. Hey, do you have a token?”

Lilith blinked. “No, I hadn’t even thought of it. I didn’t even bring one in my bag, and that was taken away anyway. Why?”

“This was going to be mine.” Jaylee slipped something out of her pocket and walked over to the tribute, placing it in her hand. It was an anklet, with a rough rope and a smooth, dark silvery-gray stone in the middle. “In my region, these stones- called silver rounds- are just lying around. My mother made it for me a few years ago.”

“We have those too, but they’re pretty rare,” Lilith said, running her thumb over the silver round. “Thank you.”

There was so much more to be said, but it was impossible. Jaylee stepped out before time was over. Lilith spent the rest of the hour alone, crying for the first time since she had been taken from her family. Sobs racked her body, and she shook with intense emotion that she had been pushing down and would have to again. The Peacekeepers stayed aloof and didn’t look at the girl.

With five minutes to go, Lilith pulled herself together. The redness in her face was gone by the time Killian arrived to take her and Kite to the newly arrived train that would carry them away from everything they had known and towards almost certain death and suffering. That said, it was absolutely stunning, with sleek bronze sides painted over with bright swirls. It screamed of wealth and power. Kite had joined them, stoically nodding at his District partner but saying nothing.

“They don’t spare any expense for the Games,” Killian said with a smile. “All right. The only Reaping left is 12’s, so all the others should be available to watch. You two need to see your competition.” 

Seeder and Chaff greeted the tributes in the section marked **11**. Ilinican gave them a contemptuous look before disappearing into another cabin. Seeder turned on a black box that must have been a television.

“What’s District 1’s specialty?” Killian quizzed. Kite answered correctly: luxury goods.

“Also killing and having the most Victors,” he added with a slight sneer. Both tributes shown were classic Careers: they volunteered confidently and you could tell that they were trained for this through the screen. The boy was named Achilles Wylde and he was the whitest person Lilith had ever seen. He towered over the girl, Hyacinth Naismith, who caught Lilith’s eye almost immediately. Her hazel eyes glinted and her light brown hair almost reached to her waist. She wore a very sheer tank top and cropped shorts, and her molded, muscled body made Lilith lean forward in her seat.

_Damn my crushes! She’ll kill you in two seconds!_

The screen switched to District 2’s Reaping. Their escort was a particularly horrible-looking woman who wore a glittery metallic gold jumpsuit that showed all of her curves. The male tribute was a sixteen-year-old volunteer named Norman Rockwell. His olive skin and black hair were in contrast to the paleness of the crowd and past Victors (one of them, Mila Riverwill, had won the year before with a grand total of nine brutal kills, including both of 11’s tributes). His partner Quartz Willa, however, was dark enough to rival District 11 citizens. The seventeen-year-old beat out three other girls to the stage and seemed unusually strong for a female. 

“Watch out for her. She looks like a bird of prey,” Seeder observed. 

District 3’s tributes, Elon Kisriet and Lira Wire, were young (he was fifteen and she only thirteen). They were scrawny but probably clever, which was a good bet with that District. The last two Victors, Beetee Latier and Wiress Hartford, had won the 33rd and 40th Games respectively through ingenuity. He had electrocuted the final six tributes and she had set traps, also killing the final few tributes. Wiress’ mental state had deteriorated significantly since then.

Next up was the fishing district. Both tributes were 18 and volunteers, the girl seeming to pose more of a threat. While Otter Polischeck’s bulk would give him a physical advantage, the stunning Pearl Waters had more of an aura of intelligence and alertness. As with Hyacinth from 1, Lilith had to remind herself that just because she was attracted to Pearl’s shimmering golden hair and sea-green eyes (the camera did several close-ups of her delicately boned face) didn’t mean that the girl wasn’t ready to murder small children. Just as Lilith was. 

District 5’s tributes were young and scared. The female, Haven Micro, was only twelve and looked younger. Lilith pitied her and her district partner Brandon Jolt (only fourteen) because they looked as if they hadn’t eaten a decent meal in their lives. 

District 6’s Reaping was only interesting because of the girl. The boy, Otto Holman, was a fifteen-year-old beanpole and glumly came to the stage when he was called. Mayor Everett gasped when he heard the female tribute’s name; it was his daughter, Lyra! She immediately cried out and began to sob, wailing that she was only thirteen and should be saved. No one stepped up to volunteer, however, so she stumbled up to the stage, latching herself onto her father. The footage waited a full five minutes, focusing on Peacekeepers’ efforts to drag Lyra away from the devastated mayor, before moving on. 

As soon as Kite saw the District 7 male tribute, he gave a grimace. “That kid looks like he could overpower the Careers.” It was true, for Umber Trolijo looked nineteen instead of his actual age of sixteen years, with sharp gray eyes and a hugely muscled physique. Hattie Wilcox became the first volunteer in twenty years, shouting out before the escort could even finish the name on the slip of paper. A girl in the fifteen-year-old’s section sagged in relief as Hattie bounded up to the stage. She, too, had the body of an axe-thrower.

District 8’s male tribute Peter Lyman was a scared-looking twelve-year-old and the female was another mayor’s daughter. Birch Justice was incredibly pale by complexion and through shock at being Reaped. She managed to hold it together and seemed to be able to hold her own in a fight. 

Both of District 9’s tributes were fourteen and skittish. Liam Winters took his time getting up to the stage and Mira Queen was dragged up screaming and cursing. Neither of 10’s tributes seemed like threats, though Breanna Holden looked crazy enough to do something unpredictably deadly and Lowe Porter had a decent amount of muscle. 

“You guys look good!” Killian praised when the scene shifted to 11’s Reaping. Lilith was proud of the fact that she looked confident when her name was called and that the TV announcer seemed to like her, mostly because of her skimpy outfit. Kite moved smoothly and also attracted the attention of the announcers because of his obvious strength. 

“Your angle should include sexiness,” Kite told Lilith, who nodded. It turned out that not just the men at home liked her body. Her sexuality could be a potent weapon.

12’s tributes seemed as hopeless as they had been since Haymitch Abernathy, who was drunk as usual. Coal-stained Grayson Willis was seventeen and might have had the inkling of a chance due to his mining physique but had a look of glum defeat about him. Hailey Bird was yet another terrified twelve-year-old. 

“So, rank the tributes based on initial threat level,” Killian ordered. His style seemed to be direct and sharp, which was just fine with Lilith.

“12, 10, 6, 5, 9, and 8’s male are low.” Kite thought for a moment before continuing. “We obviously can’t totally count them out. 8’s girl Birch seemed decently strong, I’ll put her somewhere in the middle. Then it’s 3 because it’s not a good idea to underestimate them, then 7, then the Careers.”

“Mine is similar, but Breanna- 10’s girl- looks unpredictable. She’s in the low middle for me. Then Birch, then Elon and Lira, and I’ll put the Careers at a high threat level, especially Quartz and Hyacinth. I think that Umber and Hattie are huge threats. I mean, she even volunteered.”

“Smart.” Seeder nodded. “All right. You two can wander now, just stay in 11’s section. Also, Ilinican is not friendly and will not be a big part of this process.”

“Good riddance,” Lilith murmured as the teenagers left the room. “He’s stuck-up anyway.” Kite snorted beside her, then suddenly became serious.

“We should team up if we can, but I will not hesitate to kill you when the time comes.” His eyes held no aggression, just acceptance of the situation.

Lilith wasn’t hurt at all. At least this conversation was happening early. “I will fly alone except maybe with you. Nothing will stand in my way, including your life and family. Now that we understand each other, let’s get some rest.” 

The tributes split up when they reached their quarters. Lilith barely spared a glance at the fanciest room she had ever seen in her life before going over to the closet and looking at the many clothes options. She settled on a strapless green top that hugged her chest and thigh-length pale brown shorts. She made sure to place Jaylee’s anklet in the new clothes before heading to bathe, figuring that servants (Avoxes. The very idea of taking a person’s tongue out and practically enslaving them sent a shiver of disgust down her spine) would take away the dirty clothes. 

The bath had too many taps to figure out, so Lilith took a simple, quick shower instead. She changed into the new outfit and studied herself in a mirror. Her dark eyes stood out in her sharp, dark brown, bony face that had never been allowed to fill out. She was surprisingly curvy given her background, and her work and recent training had given her body a muscled tone. The many scars she had were too dark to be clearly seen or on her back, which was carefully covered. 

“I look like a doll,” Lilith told her reflection. She walked over to the too-comfortable bed and slipped the anklet on. It was representative of a dark but simpler time that would never come again. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, Lilith is queer (I won’t tell which sexuality yet- she hasn’t had time to figure it out). It’s not a huge deal to her at the moment because she was always too busy to act on her desires in 11 (other than with Peacekeepers). She will in this story.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Training.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mentions of nudity and sex. Also the mocking of a disability and anxiety. Normalization of eating disorders as well. 
> 
> This is a long one.

_We need to discuss strategy,” Killian told the tributes, who nodded._ “Kite, I’m technically your individual mentor, so come with me. Unless you want to talk about it together?”

The teenagers shook their heads. “Huh. Usually, you guys talk more. Okay, Kite, into your room.” The man led his tribute away, leaving Lilith with a somewhat less drunk than normal Chaff (she wasn’t sure why he was even there, because only two Victors mentored every year anyway) and Seeder. 

“I read about traps and edible plants as well as poisons last night,” Lilith began. 

“You can read?” Seeder asked, surprised. “I’m from the West too, and there were no schools of any kind there. I only learned to read and write after my Games.”

“I found a private teacher,” Lilith said simply. “Anyway, I want to use traps in the Arena. I can stay out of the way of immediate danger and take out more tributes.”

“That’s a good idea. I will get you as many books on traps and basic Arena strategy as I can. For the first day of training, focus on knot-tying, fire-building, camouflage, and edible plants. The knot and plant stations will be particularly helpful to you. In the next two training days, try as many weapons as possible and see what you’re good at. For the individual sessions, shoot for a high but not too high score. You want to present yourself as a threat but not paint too big of a target on your back.”

Lilith and Seeder agreed that the seventeen-year-old would present herself as confident, smooth, and sexy in the interviews and in front of the other tributes. Then, it was time to get prepared for the Tribute Parade. The prep team were three identically and flashily dressed sisters named Tatiana, Melon, and Avery Butterfly who chattered in high-pitched voices all through the painful two-hour process of stripping Lilith’s body of hair. They twittered at the scars that littered her back and stomach.

“Oh!” Tatiana cried. “How could you let yourself go like that? You must get them removed as soon as possible.” Lilith bit her lip to keep herself from lashing out and said nothing in response. 

“It’s a long process,” Avery sighed. “Too long before the Games.”

“What a shame!” Melon squaked. They seemed content to act like the silent Lilith was an object, like the clothes model in the corner. 

The sisters were finally finished, but the tall man that rushed into the room as they left didn’t look any less shallow, with a low-cut tight silver outfit covered in glitter contrasting with his dark skin. He snapped when he noticed that Lilith was trying to slip on a robe. “Uh-uh! I need to see every part of you, hon! My name is Garius Willowshine, I’m your stylist.”

The teen shrugged and let the robe fall to the purple velvet carpet. Her body had grown early and she had developed curves at thirteen. Since then, she had felt the male gaze on her plenty of times and could tell that Garius was looking at her as a model, not a woman. She would bet money she didn’t have that he was attracted to men. 

Garius proved to have little depth other than his sexual preferences (he loudly announced that he had three boyfriends waiting in different apartments), but that wasn’t what made Lilith hate him. It was the fact that he seemed to treat her scars as her fault and something to get rid of, unlike the reminders of a monstrous father like they actually were. He also commented that she was curvy “despite your hunger-pang frame. It’s like your District’s specialty isn’t food!”

As Garius had been a stylist for 11 for a full decade, he had probably figured out that the workers weren’t allowed to eat the food they grew and harvested and most were starving. However, she should not have expected any more out of a Capital citizen. 

Her parade outfit was a tight dark gray dress that showed her sides, left shoulder, and right leg, and sandals of the same color. Garius slipped padding into her underwear and bra to “make you look fabulous! Until you can grow into your body, of course.”

Lilith was glad to get away from the man, even if it meant being paraded in front of what seemed like the entire Capital. The event itself passed by in a blur: her only clear memories were of District 1’s blinding costumes and how beautiful Hyacinth in particular looked. Another highlight was when Hailey from 12 tried to do a cartwheel and hit the edge of the carriage, hitting her head and knocking her out for at least five minutes, if not more. The crowd loved District 11; Kite’s blue suit went well with Lilith’s revealing dress and both tributes waved and smiled the entire ride. 

Lilith found the food much too rich and could only choke down a few bites of the lightest dish at each meal, which meant that all she ate before the first day of training was some fruit. Kite, meanwhile, stomached the food fine.

On the first day, the Careers flocked to the weapons stations before the trainer, Lillian Shard, was done speaking. Lilith waited a moment before deciding to skip the crowded fire-building station and try her hand at art, joining Haven from 5. The camouflage instructor looked thrilled to have two students, and clapped when Haven nailed it and Lilith’s attempt at turning her arm into mud was half-decent. After that, the sixteen-year-old spent an hour and a half at the knot-tying station, trying to learn as much as she could.

Lunch was again overly rich and it took the entire time for Lilith to eat a piece of bread. Pearl from 4 grinned cruelly and joined 11’s female tribute, drawing the attention of the entire dining hall.

“I see we have a picky eater! What, fruit girl, you want to look thin so you can fit into nice dresses?” The girl mocked. Lilith knew that she had to come up with a snappy reply, because Hattie and Umber from 7 were watching with predatory gazes. Pearl’s speech was a little too forced, and her voice wavered on “picky.” It was subtle, but it was enough for a shot in the dark. “Well? Did I stutter?”

“No, but you’re trying very hard not to. What, were you born with it, or is it a case of nerves? A Career is so scared of taking part in something she _volunteered for_ that she stutters?” Lilith knew that she had hit the jackpot when Pearl drew back, unable to hide her shock and embarrassment. She rushed to her alliance, who glared venomously as the realization set in and the other tributes began to laugh. Kite grinned at his District partner, but Lilith was focusing on the reaction of two teens: Hattie and Umber, who gave her approving looks. 

So it wasn’t too much of a surprise when Hattie followed her to the ropes station when there was half an hour left of training.

“That was cruel, what you did to Pearl,” the tall girl told Lilith, who simply shrugged.

“She’s a Career. She probably deserves it. And even if she is somehow a good person, she is an obstacle in the way of my victory.”

“I like the way you think. Now, we’re both underdogs and there have been maybe four Victorts from our Districts in the past. Allies?” Hattie held out a hand, and Lilith only hesitated for a second before taking it. 

“Allies. What about Kite and Umber? Are they a part of the alliance?”

“If they want to be.” Hattie glanced over at the ropes. “Do you wanna race?”

Lilith’s training on courses like this one gave her the edge over the axe-thrower’s strength, and she won. She knew that this alliance would last until the final eight, when they all would turn on each other in a bloodbath. Lilith fully intended to win that fight.

The next two days of training passed somewhat normally. Seeder and Killian heartily backed up the first day’s events and the newfound alliance trained together, beating the Careers to weapons stations every time. Predictably, Hattie and Umber excelled at axes while Kite and Lilith were more versatile in their talents. None of them discovered an ability to shoot and left that station to Hyacinth, who spent half of her time there and hit the bulls-eye on every shot, even splitting her arrows a few times. She and Quartz were easily the strongest Careers; actually, the others seemed rather weak in character and skills that year. Of course, it would be deadly to totally count them out. 

Lilith noted that there seemed to be very few tributes who were universally bad at the training. Even the twelve-year-olds had things that they were proficient at. For example, Hailey from 12 was a natural with daggers and defeated Norman from 2 in a spar. She received a round of applause even from the other Careers for that. Her constantly high District partner Grayson could throw a weight almost across the room. 

The individual sessions came quickly. While Hyacinth and Quartz looked satisfied with themselves, the Career boys seemed disappointed with their performances and Pearl came out crying for a redo. Hattie and Umber came out with huge grins (“I nailed it! Perfect 12!” Hattie declared). 

It was Lilith’s turn soon enough. She had decided that she would go through the ropes course as fast as she could and then spar with a trainer at high difficulty, then throw knives. She had seen the caliber of the other tributes and decided to go all-out for the highest score she could get. Kite came out with a grimace. “I went for high but I tripped while sparring. Got up, but still.”

The scores came out well after dinner, where Lilith endured an hour and a half of comments of “Eat! You’ll lose weight and that’s not good before the _Hunger_ Games!”

Eventually, she snapped. “The food is too heavy for me! I will throw up if I eat more! Besides, thinner is sexier, and sexy is my angle!”

No one could really argue with that, so that conversation ended rather abruptly. The TV lit up at nineteen hours, causing Victors and tributes to rush over to it. Achilles pulled an 8, Hyacinth a 10. “Makes sense,” Kite said. Norman got a 7 and Quartz an 11, which was higher than any tribute had scored the year before. Caesar Flickerman had been the host of the Hunger Games for over a decade and provided actually interesting narration to the scoring.

“That was District 2, high scores as usual. Now, here’s District 3... we’ll see what they get... oh, that’s not bad at all!” He said as Elon and Lira both pulled 6’s. “The fishing District is up next! Otter Polischeck with a respectable 8and Pearl Waters with a- what? _4_? That’s the lowest score for a Career that I’ve ever seen!”

Things only looked worse for Pearl as Districts 5 and 6 got decent scores: three 6s and a 7 for Otto Holman. “This is a solid group this year! Oh, my! District 7 has identical scores of 11! What a record-breaking year this is for the lumber district!”

Not the score that Hattie had thought she would get, but still extraordinary. The next few Districts’ scores weren’t under 5, and then it was Lilith’s turn.

“Miss Hardy’s outfit caught our attention in the parade, let’s see what she gets. And it’s another 11! What will her handsome District partner get? That’s a 9.”

“That’s incredible, both of you!” Seeder grinned. “What did you do, Lilith? Shoot an arrow at the Gamemakers?”

This made even Chaff laugh. “No, that would be ridiculous. I just went to the stations I excel at and tried my hardest,” Lilith answered honestly. She stayed long enough to watch Hailey get a 7 and Grayson a 4- matching Pearl- then went to bed buzzing with energy. She slipped a sleeping pill; she would need all the rest she could get before the trials to come. 

  
  



	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Interviews and let the Games begin!

_The next morning was spent getting practice walking in heels (which Lilith did not totally fail at only because of her ability to balance in trees) and reviewing trap books._ Kite watched his District partner stagger around with a sympathetic wince. “I’m glad I don’t have to wear those.”

“I want the damn obstacle course back,” Lilith groaned, and the teenagers shared the first real moment of laughter since they had arrived at the Capitol. 

Walking in painful shoes seemed like nothing when the stylists came again. The sisters stripped her clean of the maybe centimeter of hair that she had grown in three days, tittering the entire time about who-knows-what, and then turned her over to Garius. This time, he didn’t waste much time on getting Lilith to speak, just handed her a dress. “It’s not to the theme of 11, but it works for you,” he said in a somewhat normal voice. 

Lilith slipped on the dress, gasping at how smooth and soft it was. “It’s so comfortable for such a formal garment.”

“Yes, it’s made of velvet specially designed for the wearer’s comfort.” Garius gave the girl a look. “You can be less stiff here. Relax before the Games begin!”

That wasn’t very likely to happen, Lilith knew. She hated the Capitol and its splendor, even more so the ignorant and bigoted people that lived there. Although, she had to admit while looking at herself in the mirror, she could live with the fashion. The dress was tight, left her shoulders bare, and showed her sides, but it was skimpy in a flattering manner. The giggly prep team sisters had also done a good job with her; her dark hair normally stood around her head like a curly lion’s mane, but today it was in a large, springy bun. The make-up that they had applied highlighted Lilith’s sharp face and dark, constantly shifting hazel eyes. Ridiculous and bigoted or no, these stylists could work magic with even malnourished children.

That afternoon, Seeder drilled Lilith over and over again on her interview angle while the girl circled the room in her heels. “We’re working with your natural charm. You’re really expressive, especially when you’re silent. Your words are well-chosen and smoothly said, and you give off an aura of attractiveness, especially in that outfit. The act needs to be perfect, of course, so repetition is key.”

Lilith was particularly good at acting effortlessly attractive. Seeder bit her lip, seemingly debating with herself. “If I may ask... how much practice have you had using your sexuality to your advantage?”

Lilith took a moment to reply, sitting carefully down in a chair first. “I grew early and quickly, despite never having enough to eat. Men have been whistling at me since I was thirteen, and at first I absolutely hated it, but then I realized that I could work with it. My brother Branden is deaf and mentally unstable, and two years ago, my mother sent him to work in the orchard in the afternoon shift with me. I had to convince the Peacekeepers to be lenient with his lack of communication skills and occasional meltdowns.” 

Seeder just nodded. “Thank you for your honesty. Now, we only have an hour before the interviews, so let’s go to dinner. I specially ordered a light meal for you.”

Dinner was almost totally silent, and then the tributes were shuttled to an oblong black building to be interviewed. Lilith and Kite entered a gigantic stage (that’s what Killian said it was called) and sat in seats labeled **District 11 Male** and **District 11 Female** in between two long, heavy curtains, in full view of the stage. Caesar Flickerman had taken over the Hunger Games commentator position from his father Roman fifteen years before, the year Killian had won. He seemed to never age, just change his costume and make-up. This year, he wore a dark blue suit, striped with a lighter blue, and his hair was stormy gray. 

Hyacinth was up first. She wore a form-fitting silver dress that showed her back and complemented her complexion. 1’s stylists were always quality and knew just how to compliment a tribute’s natural beauty. Caesar gave the stunning girl a brilliant smile.

“Oh, you look wonderful tonight! Doesn’t she?” He asked the crowd, who responded with cheers and howls. That was what Lilith admired about him; he was a master of his job. He made the weakest and most pathetic tribute look good and work the crowd expertly through the entire interview process.

Hyacinth’s glittery exterior countered the smoothly vicious angle she played. She spoke about her ability to maim and kill with a light tone, even laughing when she talked about how easy it would be to take out the younger tributes. It got interesting when Caesar shifted gears to the training scores. “Now, Miss Naismith, your score of a 10 is obviously very solid. However, three tributes from non-Career Districts got 11s. How do you feel about that?”

“I was shocked, honestly,” Hyacinth replied in a slightly irritated voice. “I mean, come on, what did 11 do to score higher than me, climb some trees?” There was a screen showing what the audience saw where the tributes waited, and the cameras had shifted to Lilith’s face. The girl was totally caught off guard but recovered and laughed with a smile that didn’t reach her eyes, eliciting a cheer from the crowd. 

“Ugh. Anyway, I am well prepared and know that I can win. A higher training score can’t beat years of preparation.” Hyacinth’s time ended and she flounced back to her seat, sending a glare at Lilith as she sat.

The Career boys all used the same fierce angle in a failure of mentoring. Norman played it the best, but made a mistake in revealing his expertise with maces, a skill that he had obviously been told to hide (Quartz said so when she cursed at him from her seat). Quartz herself was engaging, funny, and determined. She laughed off Caesar’s question about Hattie, Umber, and Lilith’s high training scores. “Oh, that just adds an extra challenge to it! I was happy that the lowest score was a 4, because I want to have to work as hard as possible to win. If I just cut through helpless kids, it’s no fun.” She validated the other tributes’ skills while making herself look good, cementing her as a significant threat in Lilith’s mind. 

Pearl, meanwhile, performed horribly. She was wearing a sheer blue-green dress that made her looks stand out and had been told to act sexy, but she clearly wasn’t confident in herself. She responded to every question with a pick-up line and was reduced to tears when Caesar brought up her training score. The other Careers looked disgusted and the boys seemed to be more secure in their performances. 

The other tributes were all different and engaging in their own ways, with a few standouts. Elon from 3 showed a massive vocabulary and described how to build a bomb; Birch from 9 from charmed the audience with her perfect smile and talk of how she would fight to meet her baby brother, backed up by her 6 in training; and Breanna from 10 laughed hysterically for half the interview but still got in some good lines. No tribute seemed weak, and Lilith had to consider all of them threats. 

Hattie was sly and confident, grinning a mischievous grin when she deflected Caesar’s question about how she had managed her training score. “Oh, I can’t tell you that. Isn’t that right, Mrs. Jolson?” The cameras turned to the Head Gamemaker, Kayla Jolson, who shook her head sternly. When his turn came, Umber’s angle was surprisingly tender as he talked about how his eleven-year-old brother had begged him to come home and do what it took to win.

Too soon, Lilith was called up. She put on a foxlike smile and waltzed up to the stage, waving at the crowd. She was met with cheers. 

“Here’s the surprise of these Games! Miss Hardy here scored an 11 in training, the highest any tribute from her District has ever gotten. How does that make you feel, Lilith?”

“I am certainly proud of it. I still have a few tricks up my sleeve- metaphorical sleeve, of course- but I am happy to have that. After I win, I am sure that I can break more barriers.” Lilith kept her smile up as the crowd cheered again.

“Confident! Now, who do you have at home waiting for you?” Caesar asked. 

“A mother and three siblings. The twins are turning five a few days into the Games- only a day before my seventeenth birthday! We usually have a joint celebration, but obviously that is not possible this year.”

“Oh, congratulations! Too bad about the timing. You can have a party in the Capitol after the Games, I’m sure.”

“Yes. One thing at a time, though. That is how I will get through this; remember that I can see my family after I win, and not waste time and energy pining after them. That could get me killed, especially with this unusually strong pool of tributes.”

Caesar seemed thrilled with Lilith, and easily played off of her. “Ah, yes, overconfidence can be deadly.” 

“Oh, I hate to change the subject, but I wanted to appreciate this dress. It is so soft yet it looks amazing! Feel it.” Caesar complied, understanding her intention immediately and reached out when Lilith walked over to his chair, running his hands up and down her body. He let out a distinctly sexual groan of admiration.

“Oh, wonderful! Garius did a fantastic job. Of course, this dress wouldn’t work on just anybody.” The buzzer rang, signaling the end of the interview. “Well, that’s all the time we have. Good luck and happy early birthday, Miss Hardy!”

Lilith’s grin of victory was legitimate as ear-shattering cheers followed her back to her seat. Kite came off equally as well with his humorous and charming angle. He thanked President Snow and the Gamemakers for giving him a chance at glory, a touch Lilith realized that she should have thought of. After the interviews were over, Caesar approached her and told her that he had loved working with her and would place a bet in her favor if she could. 

Sleep didn’t come easily that night, so Lilith took another pill and woke half an hour before a shuttle would take the tributes to the Arena. The outfit laid out on her bed was long-sleeved, made of thick, waterproof, durable material, and included a jacket. “It must be cold this year,” Lilith mused out loud as she slipped the clothes on, taking care that Jaylee’s anklet was still securely on. She hadn’t been allowed to wear it for the interview but had put it back on the moment she could. 

The Arena was housed in a massive gray building, which the tributes were moved through rapidly. A Peacekeeper made Lilith pull her sleeve up when she reached a door marked **11** with Seeder. Kite and Killian had just gone in. “Your tracker,” the guard grunted, inserting the tiny black dot into Lilith’s upper left arm rather roughly. This action, more than anything else, filled the girl with a paralyzing fear when she stepped into the room and saw the pod that would take her to the Arena.

“Don’t falter now. Your Games are just beginning,” Seeder murmured into Lilith’s ear. “You know what to do and what’s at stake. Go, quickly.”

Lilith entered the pod, and it closed up. For a moment, she gasped for breath, then oxygen flowed through it and she inhaled stale air. _It’s time. For Ursula, Nathan, and Brandon._

The tube whizzed down and Seeder was suddenly gone. As she flew down into the Arena, Lilith heard the words that would define the rest of her life, whether she survived the next few days or not: 

“Ladies and gentlemen, let the Sixty-First Hunger Games begin!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I tried my best to make Lilith’s interview somewhat sexy.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Games begin!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger Warning: details of violence, blood, mention of rape/non-con, and cursing.

_Lilith forced the fear away as she looked around; she had one minute to get her bearings and no time to waste._ The Arenas in the past few years had been warmer and more urban; one an abandoned town, one a garden, and there had been a desert the year Hayden from 5 (with his knowledge that cacti held water in them and luck in finding poisonous mutt plants) won four years before, so it made sense that this year’s was cold and natural. Lilith was reminded of District 11 in winter, for the dark, wide, leafless trees were obviously mutated apple trees. They looked to be the only foliage, which was a little disappointing because she had been hoping to show off her newfound herb knowledge. Oh well. The sun sent out half-light and it would probably be pitch black and freezing at night. 

The ground, meanwhile, was nothing like 11’s beaten down but still slightly soft soil. There was a layer of frost that probably would have been slippery if not for the thick-soled boots that the tributes had been given. Lilith shifted her focus to the Cornucopia, which was a large bronze horn with weapons and backpacks stacked rather haphazardly around it. It seemed to take up half of the Arena. 

There was only five seconds left when Lilith determined that Pearl, Lyra, and Birch were standing on her right and Elon, Norman, and Hattie were on her left. 

Then the countdown was over and Lilith was sprinting towards the nearest knife. She saw Birch rush forward and grab a backpack and set of knives before turning towards the forest. Pearl was the bigger issue at the moment, however, because she had gotten a spear and was throwing it at Lilith, who ducked easily.

Pearl dove for another weapon, but Lilith’s knife had already entered her back. The beautiful girl’s eyes widened and she dropped to the ground, blood slowly dripping out of the wound. Lilith finished the kill by flipping her over and slitting her throat, terrified at how easy and almost thrilling this felt. 

This was the bloodbath, and distraction was fatal. Elon was reaching for a bit of wire a few feet away, desperately trying to escape Hattie’s furious axe while getting his quarry. District 7’s volunteer was too much for him, however, and she axed into his stomach. Blood spurted everywhere, coating both Hattie and Lilith, who made a face and spat at her ally.

“You could have made that cleaner! That was disgusting!” 

Hattie shrugged and whipped around to where Kite and Umber were facing off against Norman, Achilles, and a grim Otter.

“Do you want your entire alliance to die?” Kite taunted. “Your weak little water girl’s already dead.”

“She was a disgrace to my District,” Otter snarled. He was armed with a sword along with Achilles, while Norman had a mace. “I won’t be.”

“Prove it,” Kite shot back, and then ducked the taller boy’s blade. That caused the others to spring into action. Hattie joined Umber in fighting Achilles, and Lilith matched up to Norman, knocking the head of his mace away.

Norman had the advantage in physical strength, but his movements were slow and he left his left side open. Lilith lashed out, scratching him, before shifting her focus to his weapon. If he hit her with the mace, he could break a bone. She barely avoided getting hit before stabbing at his right hand, causing him to drop the mace. 

“You’re a fucking bitch!” Norman screeched, and charged. He knocked Lilith back onto the frosty ground with pure muscle, winding her for a moment that was almost fatal. Quartz and Hyacinth had finished killing Lowe and Mira and came over to help their alliance. Hyacinth shot an arrow at Lilith, only missing because the girl rolled just in time. 

Lilith scrambled to her feet, grabbing a spear and reaching out desperately at Norman, catching him in the upper chest. The boy dropped, dead, and Quartz let out a howl of anger. It was a lucky shot; she had tried it only twice in training, but it was easier to hit the heart from a short distance, apparently. 

Kite had wounded Otter and used him as a human shield when Hyacinth sent an arrow in his direction. District 7 had defeated Achilles (who fought hard, getting relatively serious wounds on Hattie’s arm and Umber’s face). 

Hyacinth and Quartz shared a look and fled, grabbing as many backpacks as they could while running. Hattie threw an axe but it fell short because of her wounded arm. 

“Damn. Is the Cornucopia ours?” Kite wondered. He glanced down at Otter, who was still groaning in pain with an arrow in his shoulder and a stab wound leaking blood on his side. “Should we just let him bleed here?”

“Of fucking course!” Hattie said, clutching her arm. “It’s a classic Career move.”

“We are not Careers,” Lilith said icily, and crouched over Otter. After a moment of hesitation, she slit his throat. The adrenaline was beginning to wear off and the implications of what she had just done were setting in. 

_Stop trembling. Be stronger._ Lilith stood, looking around at their new territory. 

“I don’t want to stay here. Let’s get supplies and set up camp in the woods.” Kite’s suggestion was reasonable, so the alliance gathered themselves. Hattie and Umber found a med kit and patched themselves up as best they could as District 11’s tributes gathered as much food as they could in backpacks.

“We should all carry our own supplies,” Lilith said. “In past years, Careers’ food has been blown up because they stockpiled. My mentor Seeder won that way.”

Lilith picked up a set of throwing knives, kept the machete she had been using, and also a scythe. She also packed a water cleaner, a bedroll, two full water bottles, and a durable empty bottle. She was just picking up a bag of beef jerky when she noticed a book among the detritus. It was _Knots and the Traps that Win The Hunger Games_ , the book that she had been reading during training. 

Several things made sense then. Killian had been absent the night before, and the book had been gone from her desk that morning. He had been to a person of great influence’s house and used his still-strong sexuality to get Lilith an advantage. Years after he had stopped selling himself for favors (because it had become clear through a few conversations with Seeder that his sexual escapades were not consensual).

“Thank you,” she murmured, wonderingly staring at the shiny book. Before her alliance could get suspicious, she shoved it in her bag and moved on. 

“Why do you need that? You’re from District 11, I assume that you can climb trees,” Umber said when Lilith attached a few lengths of tough, weight-bearing rope to her pack. The girl just shrugged.

“It could come in handy.”

Hattie and Umber had axes and assorted knives. Umber had also picked up a trident that had probably cost Otter and Pearl’s mentors a lot to have in the Cornucopia. Kite had taken a scythe like his District partner, as well as a spear, a sling, and a dagger. He was far and away the most varied weapons user of the alliance. He also had the good idea of collecting goggles that 11’s tributes knew would give night vision. 

Hattie declared that a thickly forested area thirty yards from the tree line would do for a camp. Lilith sat on a root, trying to avoid touching the bitterly cold ground again. “This frost seems to be mutated,” she said, and the others agreed. It was much too thick and chilled to be normal. “Also, there are no bird sounds. Or any kind of other tree creatures.” 

The alliance got a bit of rest in relative silence. After about an hour, voices drifted through the trees towards them. Lilith had been dozing off but immediately snapped back to alertness, listening carefully. 

“This place is good for a campsite,” a young girl’s voice said.

“Let’s make a campfire! I’m cold.” That was definitely Haven from 5; she had a distinctive high-pitched tone. 

“That’ll attract the Careers! That’s a bad idea!” A boy’s voice, probably Brandon. He and Haven had been inseparable in training. 

Kite and Lilith had gotten up, taking a weapon each. “We’ll handle this.”

District 11’s tributes both climbed into the trees, swiftly and silently leaping to the sounds. It was District 5, along with Lira from 3, who was the first voice and speaking then. All had knives and Haven had gotten away with a small backpack.

“What Careers? There are only two left! Lilith from 11 killed three of them, I saw!”

“Well, a fire will attract her,” Brandon shot back. Kite dropped down, followed by his District partner a moment later. 

“You’re making too much noise,” Kite informed the frightened but determined children. Lira ran at him, and her allies went for Lilith slightly hesitantly. The older girl didn’t hold back, catching Haven in the arm with the tip of her scythe and then lashing out again, this time into the twelve-year-old’s stomach. Haven wailed, a sound that probably carried through the Arena and shocked Lilith into stillness. A cannon fired. Brandon acted and stabbed at her leg, only managing to scratch her because of his obvious inexperience with the knife. 

The boy tried to run as Lilith unfroze, but only got a few feet before she chased him down and sunk the scythe into his back. He died quickly, fear obvious in his wide eyes and gaping mouth. This time, two cannons sounded, because Kite had killed Lira after a protracted but totally one-sided battle. 

Kite and Lilith went back to camp. They spoke about something, but all she could think about and hear was Haven’s dying cry.

_I killed five people. I killed five people. I killed five_ children _, who stood a chance but will never go back to their families now._

The thought of family reminded Lilith of why she was doing this. _But mine will die if I don’t win in a “spectacular” fashion. I need to be the perfect Victor- the perfect killer._

So she closed her eyes when their faces shone in the sky that night. Pearl, Norman, Otter, Haven, Brandon. She would remember their names and learn their stories. It wouldn’t make up for what she had done, but maybe it could bring her peace. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Death toll on Day 1: 10, 7 in the Bloodbath  
> Achilles (D1M), killed by Hattie & Umber (D7M&F)  
> in the Bloodbath  
> Norman (D2M), killed by Lilith (D11F)  
> in the Bloodbath  
> Elon (D3M), killed by Hattie (D7F)  
> in the Bloodbath  
> Lira (D3F), killed by Kite (D11M)  
> on Day 1  
> Otter (D4M), killed by Hyacinth (D1F), Kite (D11M), & Lilith (D11F)  
> in the Bloodbath  
> Pearl (D4F), killed by Lilith (D11F)  
> in the Bloodbath  
> Brandon (D5M), killed by Lilith (D11F)  
> on Day 1  
> Haven (D5F), killed by Lilith (D11F)  
> on Day 1  
> Mira (D9F), killed by Hyacinth (D1F)  
> in the Bloodbath  
> Lowe (D10M), killed by Quartz (D2F) in the Bloodbath
> 
> Kill Count  
> Lilith (D11F): 5  
> Hattie (D7F): 2  
> Kite (D11M): 2  
> Hyacinth (D1F): 2  
> Umber (D7M): 1  
> Quartz (D2F): 1


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> On Lilith’s birthday, the Gamemakers get bored.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: cursing, violence, and death.

_The days passed by, and Lilith was getting worried. Usually in the Hunger Games, if it took too long for the tributes to do something interesting, the Gamemakers would cause a most likely deadly event to spice things up._ She was so preoccupied during the days that when Kite woke her one morning with a “happy birthday,” she was totally caught off guard. 

“It’s your birthday? That sucks,” Umber commented, nibbling on a bit of bread. It had become clear that the only food available in the Arena was in bags, and about half the tributes had attempted to take bags as time wore on. Now, the alliance had posted a guard to keep them away. Lilith had gotten another kill when Lyra, the mayor’s daughter from 6, had taken a bag and tried to fight instead of fleeing. The older girl had been willing to let her go, but showed no mercy except for a quick death when the thirteen-year-old lunged with a knife. 

That had been the day before, and today was Lilith’s birthday. She was seventeen and stuck in an Arena that was turning her into a murderer for entertainment. It was, however, giving her a chance to practice her night knot-tying skills. She had been reading the trap book in moments alone and begun to use her watch to set them up. It was rough with very little supplies and no light, but she had managed to make at least a few workable ones.

There had been tripwires and bear traps in the Cornucopia as well as the book and wire, so there was enough to work off of. Lilith had figured out that if she attached two sides of a cage of wires and rope (with knives attached for good measure to either side of a bear trap, it could be hidden somewhat effectively. She had to be extremely careful, though, because the tripwires were incredibly sensitive. She didn’t want to be the idiot that died from her own trap after killing six tributes. 

Lilith made sure to wake the watcher after her at the correct time. Letting her alliance, who she was only working with because of the advantage they gave her, know that she was making deadly traps was inviting trouble from Hattie and probably Kite as well. Her speed and intelligence wouldn’t save her from Hattie’s pure, furious strength. 

“Lilith!” Kite said. The girl realized that she had been lost in her thoughts and kicked herself; distraction meant death in the Arena. “Do you think that you’ll get birthday gifts?”

“I hope so,” Lilith responded. “I have not required anything so far, though any assistance would be helpful.” She was lying; Killian had sent two extra coils of wire and another coil of rope the night before. What she would really appreciate was more food, as she had run out that morning, but she wasn’t about to admit it. Her mentors seemed to read her mind, because several loaves of bread and bags of jerky fell from the sky that day. Lilith packed those away but shared her last gift, a cake that came in midafternoon just before Kite was about to head over to the Cornucopia. 

“Woah!” Hattie gasped. “Why is it brown? Oh, wait. It’s made of chocolate.”

Lilith nodded, remembering the rich, sweet drink called “hot chocolate” that had made her throw up before the Games. Kite licked his lips in appreciation, and Umber cut right into the cake. “I remember chocolate being rich, so I will just have a small slice, please.”

Hattie laughed as Umber cut the cake into three even slices and then a smaller one for Lilith. “This is so civilized of us. Let’s all just sit around and eat it off rocks, shall we?” 

“There are probably tributes at the Cornucopia, taking food,” Kite said in between bites. “This cake is worth it, though.”

There was silence for a few minutes as the teenagers appreciated the flavorful, delicious treat. They had ended up in a circle in between two large trees, which was an advantage when knives suddenly sprouted out of them. Lilith was the first to her feet, and she grabbed her pack before sprinting to the Cornucopia. “I knew that things had been too quiet!” She shouted as her alliance got through the forest as well. The tree knives were moving now, forcing the tributes out into the open. 

Lilith dropped her pack in a relatively out-of-the-way place and checked to see if her weapons were all there. She pulled the machete out and watched as groups of other tributes, with a different array of injuries, appeared from the forest. There appeared to be four other alliances as well as a few individuals. Liam and Birch were together, and headed right for one of Lilith’s actually working traps. It was Liam that triggered it, suddenly finding himself with three arrows in the stomach and back. He had stepped in a bear trap and two short walls of wire and rope had come up around him, arrows lining the top. Birch made the fatal mistake of stopping to help him, creating an easy target for Hyacinth, who was still with Quartz and bleeding heavily from her side but still sunk an arrow into the other girl’s back. A cannon boomed for Birch, then for Liam. 

Now, Lilith had to move. Hyacinth shifted her aim towards her and District 11’s female tribute ran, knowing that she was fast and would need to be a moving target. She had placed sticks around her traps and managed to avoid them on her way to the relative cover of the Cornucopia. Kite figured out what was going on and chased his District partner, joining her. He threw a spear that caught Hyacinth in the leg and ducked Quartz’s returning shot. “Nice. How many of those do you think will work?” He panted. 

“Not many. I only managed to make three immediately deadly ones and two will possibly injure. It is difficult to make effective traps at night,” Lilith replied. “The Careers are coming. Let’s make Hyacinth climb on her wounds.” The surface of the Cornucopia was pitted with holes, unlike in past years, when it had been smooth. Both District 11 tributes realized at the same time that this Arena was a set-up for one of them to win. Past Arenas had been rigged for Careers, like the 40th Hunger Games’ ocean, but never for 11. 

The realization made Lilith climb with renewed energy. She had a few more moments to observe the battle before the Careers required her attention. Grayson from 12 had triggered another trap and had a machete sticking through his chest, holding up his dying weight. Lilith winced; that seemed like a painful death. Hattie had also triggered a trap, this one such a mess that the mess of ropes actually totally shielded the blades of the bear trap and only hindering her movements. 

That hindrance was critical not because of Hyacinth, but because Umber was in trouble. He was facing off against an alliance consisting of crazy Breanna from 10, little Hailey from 12, Otto from 6, and Peter from 8. All had gotten high training scores and weaved around their opponent, throwing him off. Umber refocused when Breanna charged him head-on, screaming, waving a scythe above her head, and sunk his axe into the girl’s chest. A cannon boomed, but he paid dearly for those moments. Otto, Peter, and Hailey got him with their knives from three sides, the little girl landing the killing blows using her considerable talent with the weapon. 

Hattie’s scream of loss and fury caused all of the either hiding or fighting tributes to pause for a moment. Peter, Hailey, and Otto scattered back into the now-normal trees with Umber’s axe and trident when the older girl finally got herself free and rushed over to her fallen District partner. She crouched over him, sobbing in disbelief and grief. Another cannon sounded; Grayson was dead from his wound. 

By now, Quartz was on top of the Cornucopia and Hyacinth had almost made it. District 2’s female was clearly out of her element, only able to use one hand because she needed the other for balance, but had still trained her entire life for this. Lilith got close and felt the tip of a blade enter her outstretched arm, but managed to grab ahold of the other girl. Kite took Quartz from behind and together, District 11 pulled her over the side of the Cornucopia. Quartz landed with an ugly _crack_ and yelled in agony, momentarily out of the way. 

The action continued when a grimacing Hyacinth threw herself at Lilith, knocking her machete aside, armed with an arrow. The two girls wrestled, rolling back and forth, shouting obscenities.

“I’m gonna knock you off this fucking thing, 11,” Hyacinth snarled. She was slowly pressing the arrow down, aiming for Lilith’s chest, but the seventeen-year old had her hands up in a strong defense. 

“You are going to have to try harder than that, bitch,” Lilith snapped. She refused to use shortened words even when fighting for her life. After another minute of fighting, 11’s female managed to get Hyacinth hanging off the edge of the Cornucopia, the arrow turned around toward its owner. “I win.”

Lilith looked into Hyacinth’s eyes coolly as she pushed the arrow down into her heart. A cannon boomed, and the second-to-last Career fell still. Kite let out a breathy, exhausted laugh. “I think you can let go now. She’s dead.”

Quartz was dragging herself away towards the trees. Lilith sucked in a breath and released Hyacinth’s body, wincing when she glanced at her wounded right arm. “Hmm. Painful but not critical, and my left hand is dominant. Now, why have you turned your back?” The girl reached into her waist and pulled out a throwing knife. She was slightly unsteady when she threw, but her aim was solid and Quartz fell, groaning. After a minute, her cannon sounded. 

“The Careers are gone. It’s the top six and the Careers are _gone_!” Kite cheered. He and Lilith shared a relieved grin then climbed down. Hattie looked up from Umber’s corpse and centered on her female ally, rushing forward with a roar of fury, her axe forgotten. 

“You fucking cunt! Umber is dead because of your fucking secret traps!”

Lilith was winded but rallied and kicked upward, knocking Hattie off of her and probably cracking a rib. “No, actually. Umber is dead because twelve-year-olds saw their chance to make their survival more likely and took it. They want to get home just as much as any of us. I kept the traps secret because this is a one-off alliance that cannot last. Also, I literally put sticks around them and you should have been able to tell what they were considering that you have been over here every day.”

Hattie shook her head, eyes wild. “You’re a fucking murdering traitor!” She moved to attack again, but Kite stood in the way this time. Lilith got up and glared at her former ally. Hattie knew when she was outmatched and fled, grabbing her bag and axe as she ran. 

Kite turned to his District partner. “I’m leaving too. It’s the top six now and there are tributes to hunt.” 

Lilith nodded. “Know that you will be my enemy the next time we see each other.”

“Of course. And you will be my enemy.” Kite walked off with his bag and weapons, sending a final wave in his ally’s direction. 

Lilith was unsure of her next move. The hovercrafts had taken the bodies away by then, and the sun was beginning to set. After cleaning and bandaging her wrist, she decided to spend the night and the next day making more traps around her area, as many as she could. They didn’t have to be clean or even deadly, just prohibitive. 

It was the next evening, when Lilith had used most of her materials and had to take a dinner break due to sleep deprivation and hunger, that Lilith remembered that Ursula and Nathan were five. _They would have just destroyed the cake. Little greedy monsters,_ she thought fondly. “I’ll get back to you and Branden. I promise,” she murmured, hoping that the cameras were focused on her. Once she was satisfied with her meal (and water from a nearby stream that was potable if filtered), she decided to sleep in a tree with her supplies. She told herself that she was being careful, that wearing night goggles would help if somebody surprised her in the night. 

She should have been worried about some _thing_ creeping up on her. Lilith woke to a blast of pain from her injured arm, and looked down to see a large squirrel with its teeth sunk into her wound. _There hadn’t been any creatures in the woods before._ The girl killed the squirrel quickly, but knew that there had to be more going on. She unwrapped the bandage and watched in horror as dark lines began to spread from the bite wound. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Death Toll: 8  
> Lyra (D6F)- killed by Lilith (D11F) on Day 3  
> Birch (D8F)- killed by Hyacinth (D1F) on Day 5  
> Liam (D9M)- killed by Lilith (D11F)’s trap on Day 5  
> Grayson (D12M)- killed by Lilith (D11F)’s trap on Day 5  
> Breanna (D10F)- killed by Umber (D7M) on Day 5  
> Umber (D7M)- killed by Hailey (D12F), Otto (D6M), and Peter (D8M) on Day 5  
> Hyacinth (D1F)- killed by Lilith (D11F) on Day 5  
> Quartz (D2F)- killed by Lilith (D11F) on Day 5
> 
> Kill Count  
> Lilith (D11F): 10  
> Hyacinth (D1F): 3  
> Hattie (D7F): 2  
> Kite (D11M): 2  
> Umber (D7M): 2  
> Quartz (D2F): 1  
> Hailey (D12F): 1  
> Otto (D6M): 1  
> Peter (D8M): 1


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Two chapters in as many days! I really want to end these Games. 
> 
> Lilith takes drastic measures and moves closer to victory.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Note: mild gore, violence, death
> 
> I do not own song lyrics, I got them from Hunger Games Wiki. They belong to Suzanne Collins.

_Horror paralyzed her for a moment, but then Lilith’s brain began to work again. The squirrel was obviously a mutt, and its bite was probably deadly_. Indeed, the flesh around the dark lines was dying; it was easy to tell even with the night goggles. So what could she do? The solution came. She would need to cut the arm off before the infection spread.

The very thought made Lilith want to puke, but it was the only way. She forced herself to move, tearing a bit of fabric off of her shirt and wrapping it around a stick that she broke off the tree. She made sure that her bag was secure and tied herself onto the branch before beginning the process.

The machete was her sharpest and longest weapon. Lilith’s hand trembled when she first rested it against her skin just below the elbow, but then she stilled it and gritted her teeth, making the first cut. A scream immediately rose in the girl’s throat, and she thought that she would pass out from the wall of pain that hit her. After a moment, she cut again, and told herself to get in a rhythm. A song that she sang to the twins at home came to mind.

This particular song was forbidden knowledge, because it came from the Hunger Games that President Snow loved to forget; the 10th. Lilith’s former teacher Mrs. Breeze had somehow managed to get her hands on a copy of it, and showed it to her older students three years before. Coriolanus Snow’s first tribute had been Lucy Gray Baird from District 12, who had won her chaotic Games (a bomb blast had killed many of the tributes and a few of the mentors before they even began, and a tribute had killed her mentor) through hiding, smarts, and poison. Young Snow must have somehow cheated to help her because when deadly snakes flooded the Arena, they had not only avoided killing but also worked with Lucy Gray. The most interesting part of the Games for Lilith was Lucy Gray’s songs. Her favorite was a bitter, jaunty one that she had sung at the Reaping. 

Now, Lilith focused on the lyrics as she cut through the bone and flesh of her rapidly wilting arm. Imagining Ursula and Nathan’s little voices kept her going despite the blinding pain. 

_You can't take my past._

_You can't take my history._

_You could take my pa,_

_But his name's a mystery._

_Nothing you can take from me was ever worth keeping._

_You can't take my charm._

_You can't take my humor._

_You can't take my wealth,_

_'Cause it's just a rumor._

_Nothing you can take from me was ever worth keeping._

_Thinking you're so fine._

_Thinking you can have mine._

_Thinking you're in control._

_Thinking you'll change me, maybe rearrange me._

_Think again, if that's your goal,_

_'Cause..._

_You can't take my sass._

_You can't take my talking._

_You can kiss my ass_

_And then keep on walking._

_Nothing you can take from me was ever worth keeping._

_No, sir,_

_Nothing you can take me from me is worth dirt._

_Take it, 'cause I'd give it free. It won't hurt._

_Nothing you can take from me was ever worth keeping!_

Lilith’s arm was almost fully detached from her body by the end of the song. With one last chop, she completely broke it off and watched the shriveled thing fall to the ground. Now there was the problem of her non-poisoned but heavily bleeding stump. She looked up, still with her teeth set around the cloth-covered stick, and noticed that two gifts had come. One container had a glow-in-the-dark-label that said WATER and the other said FIRE, with a line under it: _water quenches fire._

Shock was beginning to slow down her thoughts, but Lilith still understood. She opened FIRE and dipped her hand in a creamy substance, spreading it over the bloody stump. A burning sensation elicited another muted cry from the girl. FIRE was right; the medicine had cauterized the wound. She continued to apply it until her fingers were burned and there was enough scar tissue on her stump to hold the blood back. WATER proved to be a soothing pain medication, so Lilith spread that on gladly. 

It had only been a few minutes, and it was still the dead of night. Lilith spat out the stick and wiped her disgusting machete on the edge of her bedroll before placing it securely on her pack. Then, she gave into the pressure and allowed herself to drift off, falling unconscious almost immediately. 

When Lilith woke, it was morning. She was lightheaded and dehydrated. It took five minutes for her to untie her pack one-handed, but the reward was worth it. Plain bread had never tasted so good and lukewarm filtered water had never been sweeter. 

Once Lilith had her brain functioning again, she became afraid of the trees. It was a miracle that another squirrel hadn’t come when she had been unconscious, and she knew that she needed to get back to intelligent action. Getting everything untied, cleaned, and packed up took almost a full hour, and climbing down was a hellish process that had Lilith panting at the base of the tree. 

“What next? Fighting one-handed.” The girl ate a little more food before beginning to practice, stabbing at an invisible enemy with her longer weapons and ducking imagined blows. She made sure not to trigger one of her traps. 

Night and an opportunity to improve her situation came surprisingly quickly. Peter, Hailey, and Otto were nearby and had lit a fire, creating danger for themselves as well as any tribute that went to kill them. Both Hattie and Kite were dangerous and free of any alliance responsibility now, and Lilith bet that they both had all their limbs attached. There was also the challenge of the children themselves. They had gotten to the top six for a reason.

Still, Lilith had very little to lose at this point. Considering past years, the mutt situation wasn’t too bad. For example, the frost could have thickened and forced the tributes into the trees, where a horde of flesh-eating squirrels waited. One puny arm wouldn’t be enough entertainment if the Games continued on for much longer. 

Also, Lilith’s arm was throbbing horribly and there most likely wasn’t enough medicine to hold back the bleeding for more than a few days. The longer these Games dragged on, the less odds were in her favor. 

Lilith made her way over to the fire, skirting her traps and checking for a guard. All three children were sitting around the fire, chatting quietly. 

“I can’t believe that we’ve made it this far,” Peter said. “When I was Reaped, I thought that I would die in the Bloodbath. I mean, I only got my good training score because I can do flips and stuff.”

“This has been a weird Hunger Games. The Bloodbath was odd because four Careers died!” Hailey said with wide eyes. “I’m kinda worried. The girl from 11 has to have at least ten kills by now. Did you guys see her traps? They were really good!”

“They were rough,” Otto argued. “Just because a tribute has skills doesn’t mean they’re guaranteed to win.”

Lilith shook her head as they continued their conversation. They would not win, no matter who killed them. They were children who had been thrown into a death trap with no preparation; meanwhile, she and Kite had been trained and Hattie had volunteered. She waited until the kids were half-asleep before moving forward, stealthily approaching Otto’s silent form and slicing his throat with her scythe. The cannon boomed, alerting the others and jerking them to consciousness. Hailey was quicker to move and leapt to her feet, pulling out her dagger. Peter scrambled out of his sleeping bag and dove for the nearest weapon, which happened to be a trident. 

Hailey charged Lilith, who jumped aside and slashed at the little girl’s side. She cried out and stumbled. That was when Peter noticed the older girl’s injury. “What happened to your arm?”

“The squirrels eat flesh,” Lilith grunted, kicking Hailey away. Her fighting skills and size were giving her a huge advantage. The little girl had lost her dagger and was clutching her side, sobbing, on the ground. She cried harder as Lilith cut down Peter in one swift stroke. 

Lilith leaned down and peered into the twelve-year-old’s terrified eyes. “For the record, I am sorry. You would have had a chance if it were any other year.” With that, she pushed her blade into Hailey’s heart, ending her young life. 

Horror and revulsion threatened to overtake Lilith for a moment, but she fought through it and kept going, putting out the fire and taking the kids’ food before heading back to her tree. 

_Two more left._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Death toll: 3  
> Hailey (D12F), killed by Lilith Hardy on Day 7  
> Otto (D6M), killed by Lilith Hardy on Day 7  
> Peter (D8M), killed by Lilith Hardy on Day 7
> 
> Kill Count  
> Lilith (D11F): 13 (tying record of most kills)  
> Hyacinth (D1F): 3  
> Hattie (D7F): 2  
> Kite (D11M): 2  
> Umber (D7M): 2  
> Quartz (D2F): 1  
> Hailey (D12F): 1  
> Otto (D6M): 1  
> Peter (D8M): 1


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The 61st Hunger Games end.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: violence, death, blood

_There had apparently been enough action to please the Gamemakers that night, and Lilith took the chance to rest and eat before the final push._ She still had plenty of food left and decided to eat it all- there was no point in saving it. She would either be dead or the Victor in the next few hours. The girl chewed on slightly stale bread and reflected on how these Games were particularly unique. Despite their skills, Hyacinth and Quartz hadn’t gotten that many kills or been able to track down any of the other tributes in the five days between the Bloodbath and the battle at the Cornucopia. Lilith could believe that the non-Career tributes were unwilling to kill (none had mentioned that they wanted to and a few had explicitly said that they would avoid killing if possible), but Hyacinth and Quartz had trained their entire lives for this.

Also, the forest was quite small and it was likely that alliances would run into other groups if they moved. Lilith shrugged; she would either find out why in the recap or not. It was dawn now, and she had finished her food. She drank a few more sips of water and relieved herself before assessing what she needed. A water bottle was probably a good idea, and obviously weapons. Maybe the medicine for her arm? No, Lilith decided, they were both almost gone and she wouldn’t have time to apply them in battle. In the end, she left her bag and took only a full water bottle and her weapons attached to her belt. Her shirt and jacket were covered in blood, but they were still usable. 

The scythe was relatively clean, but the machete had little bits of flesh on it. Lilith shivered at the reminder of her injury and washed it off in the stream, keeping her ears out for Kite or Hattie. She had two throwing knives left, having used one to kill Quartz. Half an hour after dawn, a hiss sounded from the trees and the frost began to thicken. Squirrel mutts were gathering in the trees, glaring down with beady eyes. Lilith took the hint and attached the machete to her belt, jogging across the slick ground.

The mutts stopped chasing the tribute at the edge of the trees and the frost had disappeared from the Cornucopia. Hattie appeared from the opposite side of the forest and Kite from a sharper angle. The top three spotted each other and all tensed. Lilith took a few seconds to look them over. Kite was easily the healthiest, dirty and tired but whole. He had dumped the spear. Hattie’s hand had become infected and was obviously swollen, but she should never be discounted. One advantage that the District 11 tributes had was that they knew where all the traps were. Very few actually worked but it was still a leg up.

“Did you kill the other three, 11?” Hattie called. 

“They started a fire and didn’t set up a guard or traps,” Lilith snorted. “You two probably saw it too.”

“That never works in the Hunger Games,” Kite agreed. “Don’t mentors know to tell tributes not to start fires?” That was when he noticed his District partner’s arm. “What the fuck happened?”

“A mutt bit me. I had to take extreme measures.” Lilith’s voice was flat. “They eat flesh, by the way.”

“Why are we chatting? Let’s fight!” Hattie’s axe was flying at Lilith before she finished speaking, but the other girl was ready. Kite charged at Hattie, knowing that she didn’t have any long-range weapons left. What he didn’t account for was that Lilith did.

The throwing knife sunk into Kite’s side, not hitting any vital organs but making him stumble in pain. He was ready for the second knife and deflected it with his scythe, sending it uselessly to the ground. The three tributes rushed together, colliding in a mess of flesh and fabric and knives. 

Lilith sent a look at Kite and whistled softly; the call for “together” that Peacekeepers back in 11 used to get workers’ attention. The boy understood and shifted his focus totally onto Hattie. It became clear after ten minutes of fighting with no more blood drawn that the girl had been trained, but she was still overpowered, especially with the use of only one hand. 

Kite caught Hattie’s shoulder with his scythe and Lilith slashed her machete into the strong girl’s torso, hitting her lung. Hattie collapsed when the blades were removed, blood spurting out of her mouth when she coughed. “You- you’re a killer now, 11,” she sneered at Lilith, who stared back with cold eyes. “I- I name you... Murderess.” She fell still and a cannon boomed in the sky. 

_One more._

Lilith turned to face Kite. “Well. I’ve just beaten Killian’s record. I’m ready to make it fifteen kills.” They lunged at each other, triggering the longest final fight in the history of the Hunger Games. Lilith was still only lightly injured other than her arm and Kite was bleeding from his side, making them evenly matched. They stayed well away from any traps. 

The fight went back and forth. Neither tribute laid a scratch on each other for the first half-hour even though Kite had two blades (a dagger as well as a scythe), but a quick upward thrust from the dagger deeply cut Lilith’s thigh. She managed to kick the throwing knife out of his side in a spray of blood and flesh, then stabbed at the wound again when he stumbled backwards with a scream of agony. 

It wasn’t over yet. District 11’s tributes gave each other wounds that increased in severity for three more hours until both were staining the ground red with their blood. It was Lilith that landed the final blow, piercing Kite’s heart with her dagger. She fell onto her back as the cannon sounded, the world fading around her.

_“Bedtime for you!” Jay laughed at Ursula as the little girl ran around the shack, stark naked without her day clothes. Branden watched his sister bemusedly, keeping a bouncy Nathan from following._

_“No! Playtime!” Ursula shrieked. “Not bedtime!”_

_“I’ll sing you a song if you behave,” Lilith offered from the couch. Ursula gasped in excitement and immediately went back to Jay, who grinned at her older daughter gratefully. The woman managed to get her now-still twins in their pajamas and onto their cot in the main bedroom where the entire family but Lilith slept. Brandon shared a bed with Jay._

_“I wanna hear da ballad!” Nathan announced. Branden nodded even though songs did nothing for him; he really adored the twins._

_Lilith grinned and launched into “The Ballad of Lucy Gray Baird.” The ancient tribute had sung this song in her pre-Games interview and it was Nathan’s absolute favorite._

_“When I was a babe I fell down in the holler._

_When I was a girl I fell into your arms._

_We fell on hard times and we lost our bright color._

_You went to the dogs and I lived by my charms._

_“I danced for my dinner, spread kisses like honey._

_You stole and you gambled and I said you should._

_We sang for our suppers, we drank up our money._

_Then one day you left, saying I was no good._

_“Well, all right, I'm bad, but then, you're no prize either._

_All right, I'm bad, but then, that's nothing new._

_You say you won't love me, I won't love you neither._

_Just let me remind you who I am to you._

_“'Cause I am the one who looks out when you're leaping._

_I am the one who knows how you were brave._

_And I am the one who heard what you said sleeping._

_I'll take that and more when I go to my grave._

_“It's sooner than later that I'm six feet under._

_It's sooner than later that you'll be alone._

_So who will you turn to tomorrow, I wonder?_

_For when the bell rings, lover, you're on your own._

_“And I am the one who you let see you weeping._

_I know the soul that you struggle to save._

_Too bad I'm the bet that you lost in the reaping._

_Now what will you do when I go to my grave?”_

_The kids were too young to understand the meaning, and the uptempo style that their sister sang the song only excited them. It was risky to sing the song but Lilith had checked the house for bugs and found none. Ursula and Nathan had been warned not to mention Lucy Grays’ songs around their friends and were excited to be in on a secret. Now, they were beginnig to gain energy, showing signs of wanting to run around again._

_“Maybe that was the wrong song. How about a lullaby?” Lilith asked. Ursula nodded._

_“Sing da meadow song!”_

_Lilith took a breath. She had a pretty if untrained voice, easily the nicest on the block._

_“You're headed for heaven,_

_The sweet old hereafter,_

_And I've got one foot in the door._

_But before I can fly up,_

_I've loose ends to tie up,_

_Right here in The old therebefore._

_“I'll be along_

_When I've finished my song,_

_When I've shut down the band,_

_When I've played out my hand,_

_When I've paid all my debts,_

_When I have no regrets,_

_Right here in_

_The old therebefore,_

_When nothing_

_Is left anymore._

_“I'll catch you up_

_When I've emptied my cup,_

_When I've worn out my friends,_

_When I've burned out both ends,_

_When I've cried all my tears,_

_When I've conquered my fears,_

_Right here in_

_The old therebefore,_

_When nothing_

_Is left anymore._

_“I'll bring the news_

_When I've danced off my shoes,_

_When my body's closed down,_

_When my boat's run aground,_

_When I've tallied the score,_

_And I'm flat on the floor,_

_Right here in_

_The old therebefore,_

_When nothing_

_Is left anymore_

_“When I'm pure like a dove,_

_When I've learned how to love,_

_Right here in_

_The old therebefore,_

_When nothing_

_Is left anymore.”_

The memory faded with Lilith’s consciousness. The last thing she heard above the din of a hovercraft was Caesar Flickerman’s booming voice.

“Ladies and Gentlemen, Lilith Hardy from District 11 is the winner of the 61st Hunger Games!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Suzanne Collins came up with the songs. I take no credit and got them off Hunger Games Wiki.
> 
> Death Toll: 23  
> Hattie (D7F), killed by Lilith (D11F) and Kite (D11M) on Day 8  
> Kite (D11M), killed by Lilith (D11F) on Day 8
> 
> Kill Count  
> Lilith (D11F): 15 (record for most kills in a Hunger Games)  
> Hyacinth (D1F): 3  
> Kite (D11M): 3  
> Hattie (D7F): 2  
> Umber (D7M): 2  
> Quartz (D2F): 1  
> Hailey (D12F): 1  
> Otto (D6M): 1  
> Peter (D8M): 1


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lilith is out of the Arena... but not out of the Games.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: nudity, mention of death and violence, mention of severe injury, hospitals, brief mention of drugs

_ Lilith immediately regretted waking up; bright fluorescent hospital lights made her wince and try to raise an arm. _ When it didn’t move, she looked down and saw that her right arm was still missing, if covered in bandages and probably much cleaner than it had been. Her left arm had an IV in it. A further look revealed that a tired-looking Killian sat by the hospital bed, staring intently at the new Victor.

“Welcome back. How do you feel?”

“Drugged,” Lilith murmured. “Am I really out of the Arena?”

Killian smiled then, a little tilt of the lips that didn’t reach his eyes. “Yeah. You’re a Victor now, kid.”

“I broke your record.” Lilith’s vision was blurring and she was losing consciousness again. “Am I gonna get a new arm?”

“You should have it when you wake up again,” Killian said as Lilith’s world dissolved into darkness. 

The lights were less bright when Lilith next opened her eyes. She felt more alert and sharp this time, less drugged. Her stump now had a normal-looking arm attached to it and she could feel all of her fingers.

A doctor entered the room, holding a clipboard and looking pensive. He gave a tight nod when he saw that Lilith was awake. “Miss Hardy, good. You’ve been out for quite a while. We gave you an organically prosthetic arm that has nerve connections. It will take physical therapy for you to get full movement and strength back. We also healed all of your other wounds.”

Lilith nodded. “Thank you, Doctor. May I leave if I am healed?”

“An escort should be coming soon,” the doctor said. He left the room and Seeder took his place in the doorway, a huge smile on her face. 

“Oh, Lilith, you were wonderful!” Seeder gushed. She moved to hug the new Victor, but Lilith tensed and practically leapt off the bed to avoid her. “I’m sorry. New Victors usually don’t like to be touched right after the Arena.”

Lilith took a few deep breaths. “I am just trying to get back to reality.”

“How are you feeling otherwise?” Seeder asked as she handed the girl a clean set of neutral clothes. “There’s a mirror in the corner, if you didn’t see it.”

Nothing rebellious came to mind, so Lilith told the truth as she slipped out of her hospital gown. There was little point in closing the door because there were cameras everywhere anyway. “Numb in general. I am relieved to be out of there and eager to head home. What I am not looking forward to is the Victory tour and having to face the families of the tributes that I killed.”

“Maybe it’ll help you,” Seeder said lightly. Her eyes held a warning to change topics. 

Lilith was too distracted to reply at the moment; she had seen her body in the mirror. The doctors hadn’t just given her a new arm and healed her fresh wounds, they had also removed all of her scars and enhanced her body. She was certain that her ass hadn’t been as round or her breasts as large. Disgust and rage threatened to overflow, but she immediately pinned the feelings down and managed to keep her face blank. “Huh. Interesting,” she said simply, and slipped the gray shorts and top on. 

Seeder nodded in relief at the teenager’s reaction. “Good. We’ll take a back entrance so you can avoid the majority of the reporters. We’re headed to Garius and your prep team so you can get ready for the recap tonight.” She led the way through the hospital, which seemed to be pastel white all through it and was bustling with nurses and doctors, all of whom avoided the Victors.

A few reporters had managed to get over to the back entrance and snapped photos as Lilith and Seeder ducked into a waiting taxi. Lilith stared out at the Capitol, watching the people and buildings flash by. She was worried about her reaction to having killed fifteen people. While she would rather not be a guilty, sobbing mess, she thought that she could at least be feeling slightly bad about it. Kite almost won and put up a great fight, but she had also murdered twelve-year-olds. Yes, the Hunger Games necessitated death, but no tribute had ever killed fifteen before this for a reason. It was a ploy to get attention and create entertainment and hopefully save her family. 

Seeder seemed to read Lilith’s mind. “I spoke to your family after the top eight interviews. Your mother seemed tired but your siblings looked well. The twins are very cute.”

“Yes, they are quite charming,” Lilith said with a grin that almost split her face. “The money from my victory should help Jay’s stress levels. It must be difficult with Branden and the twins and work.”

“She doesn’t have to worry anymore,” was all Seeder said. They moved onto safer topics for the remainder of the short ride. The Butterfly sisters met Lilith at the door of a bright red and pink building and flocked her, shooing Seeder away. They pushed and shoved the girl up to a large changing room, where they ordered her to remove her clothes.

Lilith slipped her temporary outfit off and sat in a makeup chair, glad that the hair had been removed from her body in the hospital. The sisters proceeded to talk about her as if she wasn’t in the room.

“That was such an exciting Games! I thought that killing that many tributes was a little cruel, but it certainly had entertainment value!” Tatiana trilled. Lilith smirked; this woman wasn’t as stupid as she looked. 

“Those kids knew what they were in for when they entered the Arena,” Avery countered flippantly. “Lilith simply took her chance at glory! Really, you shouldn’t feel guilty. They were from the Districts, after all.”  _ Districts  _ came out with a venom that Lilith wouldn’t have expected from a pink-skinned woman in a poufy red dress and matching hair. 

“The doctors did an amazing job! They unlocked her true beauty. It was trapped under all that dirt and scars,” Melon gushed. “I like her at this weight, too. Better than fruit fat from District 11.”

It took every bit of Lilith’s self-control to not murder Melon right there, but she only shifted rather suddenly. Tatiana squawked in alarm. “No, dear, don’t move! You’ll mess up your makeup.”

Finally, the sisters were finished. Garius waltzed in and shooed them out, humming in appreciation of Lilith’s newly done face and tight bun. He didn’t talk much, only handing the teenager a blood-red dress. “You’ve set a record and I thought that your outfit should honor it,” he explained.

The dress was tight and revealed her back and sides, which couldn’t be seen by the public before because of her scars. It fell to her knees in ruffles and had no shoulders, dipping and showing half of her newly enlarged breasts. Garius placed a glittering diamond necklace on her neck that was cold and dug into her chest. The one positive about any of this was that Jaylee’s anklet was still firmly attached to Lilith.

Seeder greeted her former tribute with a tense grin and led her back to the taxi. “You have about an hour before the recap. Caesar wants to go over questions with you.”

The first thing Caesar did when Lilith entered the massive backstage was rush up and hug her, laughing. “I knew it! I knew it! I tried to convince President Snow to let me sponsor you, but he said that I couldn’t be biased. Of course I was biased! You carried the game! You were quite the favorite here in the Capitol, you know.”

“I am grateful that I had supporters,” Lilith said. “It will be interesting to watch the recap.”

“Yes, supporters. They will be looking for payment, and Mr. Haze can’t perform up to his old standards. You will have to do the thanking yourself,” Caesar said with a wink. Lilith’s eyes widened for a fraction of a second as she understood the meaning, and then a smile was on her face. 

“I will be sure to! What do you think of my dress? Garius made it especially because of my kill record,” the teenager grinned.

“Oh, oh, that’s so clever! It flatters you perfectly and it’s so appropriate! I will make sure to call him out for it. Speaking of your kills, that was an amazing job! Especially the final battle. 7’s girl didn’t stand a chance against you both, and Kite couldn’t beat you even with two arms!”

“I fought hard, certainly. I wanted to survive,” Lilith responded. “For my family... and for myself. To prove that I could do it.”

“Survival seemed to be your intention when that squirrel bit you. I’m so glad that it was at night, because that was horrifying to watch in the half-light! I can’t imagine how it must have felt.” Caesar’s face had dropped and he was actually serious as he gestured for Lilith to sit in a chair in the wings.

The teenager let her real reaction through as she shivered at the memory. “It was extremely painful. The worst sensation of my life.”

“What was going through your head when you realized that the squirrel’s bite was deadly?” Caesar asked. He was clearly preparing her for the interview and Lilith was more thankful for him than she ever thought she would be for any Capitolite. 

“At first it was shock. Then I managed to get my head together and got my machete... and then... well... began to cut. The medicine that came down after really saved me, because I had no other way to stop the bleeding effectively.”

Too soon, Caesar was ushering Lilith onto the stage and the cameras were on; it was time for the recap. 


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The recap and a note

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: violence, suicidal ideation, almost-suicide attempt, death

_ The crowd’s roar made Lilith pause and blink for a moment. Caesar faked a half-hug to whisper “smile and wave!” in her ear, which she did.  _ The host put on a brilliant smile and offered a hand to the Victor, who took it gracefully and sat down on the plush interviewee chair. “Ladies and gentlemen, this young woman doesn’t need an introduction, but I’ll give her one anyway. Lilith Hardy, Victor of the 61st Hunger Games!”

Lilith waited until the cheering had subsided to speak. “Thank you all! I have to say, this is a little overwhelming. It feels like just hours ago that I was in the Arena!”

“It’s been three days,” Caesar replied. “You’ve been asleep for most of it due to your injuries. I’m so happy to see you healed and looking better than ever!”

“I am grateful for the doctors’ skill,” Lilith said smoothly. “It will take a little time but I will get used to normal life eventually.” She wanted to laugh as she said it; nothing about her life would ever be “normal” again. “I am most excited about seeing my family.”

“Yes, we met them in an interview when you made the top eight. Your little siblings are quite charming! Your oldest brother was sick, unfortunately. Some pretty bad contagious disease which he has luckily recovered from.” Lilith nodded; so Jay had realized that allowing Branden’s condition to be shown to the Capitol was dangerous. 

“Oh, that is terrible! I am glad that he has recovered. Yes, Ursula and Nathan are little charmers. How did my mother seem?”

“Well put-together. Like you, she refuses to use contractions- shortened words,” Caesar explained when Lilith’s brows furrowed in confusion. “She seemed intelligent and tough.”

“That sounds like my mother!” The teenager said cheerfully. “Thank you for the update. Now, should we get to the Games?”

“Yes!” Caesar grinned. “That was absolutely incredible! The traps were such a clever idea. How about we discuss the Games while we watch?”

Lilith thought it was a terrible idea and would rather blow herself up right there, but she nodded in agreement instead, making sure to keep a sly, confident smile on her face. “Sure!”

The recap began fine. It showed the Reaping, featuring District 7 and 11’s. “The first volunteer ever in District 7!” Caesar exclaimed. He was wearing a reserved dark suit and his face wasn’t as made up as usual, which Lilith really appreciated.

“Hattie was a special one, yes. She would have dominated any other year.”

“That was a fantastic dress! Just like tonight. Can we take a moment to appreciate Garius’ work?” Caesar commented when the parade came on. The crowd roared, and Garius popped up on the screen, looking absolutely delighted at the attention. “Not exactly to the theme of District 11, but even you wouldn’t have looked good as a giant peach, miss Hardy.” Lilith could see even the crew in the wings laughing at that one. 

“I completely agree. And please call me Lilith,” the teenager grinned. “I think that we will become great friends, so we might as well start now.”

Bits of training were shown; Lilith throwing a knife alone; her shaking hands with Hattie; the breakoff alliance training; Hyacinth hitting bulls-eye after bulls-eye, splitting her arrows to boot. The audience oohed in appreciation, especially when the scores came up. “Four 11s, and only one from a Career! Amazing! This year was record-breaking for District 7 as well as District 11.”

Snippets of every interview came up, except for Pearl’s. Lilith guessed that District 4 had made an agreement to avoid embarrassment as much as possible. She glazed over her interview and answered Caesar’s question almost absently. Her theory about District 4 was proved right during the recap of the Bloodbath, when it only quickly showed Lilith killing Pearl.

“I was really fascinated by your Bloodbath kills, especially with Otter from District 4. You were quick and merciful,” Caesar said. 

Lilith didn’t think that it was much of a question, but she gave him a pass. “I did not want Otter to just lie there and bleed- or any of the tributes. There was no need to be overly cruel.”

The video showed the first day in detail, even the entire conversation leading up to Lira, Haven, and Brandon’s deaths. Lilith had to admit that her and Kite’s entrance was awesome, but braced for Haven’s death scream... which never came. It had apparently been traumatic to the audience, too, because the filmmakers had edited it out. 

“Five kills on the first day! Incredible. Only two Careers survived past the Bloodbath, which was a shock to us.” Caesar’s words were met with a cheer of agreement from the crowd.

“It was a surprise to us, too,” Lilith replied honestly. “That never happens and we knew it. It was a nice feeling. I am curious to see a bit of the next few days, because I found it odd that we never ran into any other tributes.”

“The video can answer that better than I.” Caesar was right; the Arena had apparently been a maze that defied reality. The most active alliance had been Hyacinth and Quartz’s, and it was entertaining to watch them wander around, chasing voices of tributes that they never found. And the others were loud, especially since Lyra had been with Otto, Breanna, Peter, and Hailey. Hunger began to set in for tributes that hadn’t gotten enough food from the Cornucopia on the third day, which was when the raids started. “I’m surprised that no tribute ran into your traps earlier than day five,” Caesar commented. “Those were a shock to watchers, not just tributes (including, apparently, your alliance)! Very few actually watched the Games at night, and it’s hard to see any actions clearly in the dark.”

“Good!” Lilith said. “Yes, I can see that Hailey got food several times without triggering a trap. Clever girl.”

“This field was quite talented,” Caesar agreed. “District 12 had the best finish in years as well.”

The audience screamed in congratulation when day five came around and it showed the 7/11 alliance eating the chocolate cake. “Happy birthday to your siblings also! It’ll be so exciting when you three can have a party here. I have to imagine that it wasn’t your favorite birthday in the world.

Lilith laughed slightly bitterly. “Actually, it started out just fine, but I was not a huge fan of that night.”

“We will review that when we get to it! So much to talk about there.”

The recap savored almost every moment of the Cornucopia battle, especially Lilith and Kite’s fight with the Careers. The teenager shifted in her seat, her stomach a dark pit of hunger. She hadn’t eaten in days.

“At this point, the Careers’ deaths weren’t necessarily a surprise, but Umber’s was. Killed by twelve-year-olds, too!” Caesar exclaimed after the battle. Lilith nodded. It was taking more and more effort to keep the conversation going and her energy was fading. “I really hated when Hattie blamed you for his death. It wasn’t your fault!” The crowd let out boos to back him up as the video showed Hattie’s breakdown.

Lilith nodded but also shrugged. “She was not technically wrong. She was caught in my trap, after all, but I did not physically kill Umber or try to. I would have waited a few more days to break up the alliance.”

“So you four weren’t going to stick together?”

“No, and we all knew it. No tribute gets an 11 or a 9 in training and enters an alliance with fellow high scorers thinking that they can trust their allies. Only a few Careers from the same District have waited until the final battle to split up.”

Even the filmmakers couldn’t bear to show Lilith cutting her arm off. The audience tittered in distress from what little they saw, and Caesar looked away, disgusted. He pulled himself together after a moment. “That was both the bravest and grossest moments I have ever seen in a Hunger Games. What was going through your head when the squirrel bit you?”

“Confusion in the first few moments, but once I realized what was going on, it was about survival. This is the Hunger Games and they are not supposed to be pretty. I got through the actual process of cutting the arm off by thinking of how much I want to see my family. And that medicine was absolutely lifesaving.”

Lilith’s recovery period was cut and Otto, Hailey, and Peter’s deaths were only briefly shown. The final battle was shortened to only Lilith and Kite teaming up on and killing Hattie and bits of their fight. “Another record! Practically a four-hour final battle. I don’t know how you did it!”

The teenager didn’t know either, and wasn’t sure what she said in response. All she wanted to do was go cry and scream and die. Finally,  _ finally _ the recap ended and Lilith could leave. Seeder knew how fragile the new Victor was and stayed quiet on the taxi ride to the tribute center. She explained that she had arranged for an apartment to be prepared, but it wasn’t ready yet.

Lilith could care less at the moment. She raced into her old room and immediately looked for something sharp, but the Avoxes were prepared for her reaction and had removed the razors from the bathroom and even the belts from the closet. So the girl resigned herself to staying alive and breaking down, sobbing herself to an exhausted, broken slumber. She fully woke at half-past ten the next morning and took a few minutes to pull herself together, changing out of the uncomfortable dress and into long pants and a sweatshirt. It was only when she had brushed her hair and teeth that she noticed the note that had been slipped under her door.

_ Meet me tonight at 20:00. I want a thank you. _

_ -Jillian Richardson, who paid for your medicine _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, Panem is on military time.


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lilith visits Jillian

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: non-graphic non-consensual sex/rape, underage sex, drugged sex, nudity, cursing, eating issues, racism

_Lilith was too emotionally exhausted to fully react. She looked at the note before folding it up and walking out of the room, smiling when she saw that her mentors had set up a celebratory table._ “You survived! Good fucking job, kid!” Killian crowed, clearly having taken a few sips of Chaff’s drink. “Sit, eat, you’re probably starving.”

She was starving, but her stomach most certainly wouldn’t be happy with anything heavy now, so she chose a lighter seafood soup and salad. “Good. Don’t force too much at once,” Seeder said. “Do have a small pastry, at least. They’re really delicious toady, and I don’t have much of a sweet tooth.”

Lilith wondered how long the light banter could last. There were so many elephants in the room; Kite, the Games, the future. It was an hour before she gathered the courage to pull out Jillian Richardson’s note and subtly slip it to Killian. The man’s eyebrows rose and then furrowed subtly as he read. 

“I have something to show you. Now that you’re done eating, follow me,” he said easily, leading her and a slightly alarmed Seeder into a side room. Once there, his voice darkened. “The dialogue is edited by rebel sympathizers in here. We can speak frankly. When did you get this note, Lilith?”

“Sometime this morning, I think. I was sleeping.”

“What- oh... well, shit,” Seeder said when he handed it to her. “That’s really quick. It’s only been three days!”

“That medicine was more expensive than I could pay for,” Killian said with a wince. “Sorry, Lilith. It was save your life or your innocence.”

Lilith snorted at that. “I just killed fifteen children, most of them unnecessarily. I have been selling my body for years. My ‘innocence’ is long gone.”

Killian put his hands up in concession. “Fair enough. So, you want advice?”

“Yes. I want to know who Jillian Richardson is and what she will expect from me.” Lilith’s voice was steady, for she had no time for breakdowns. 

“I can answer that. She’s been around for decades and looks the same- I would guess that she’s about seventy. She is the center of gossip in the Capitol and her word is law. If you get on her bad side, watch out. That means that she knows that you haven’t seen anyone else and will either be overly harsh or forgiving. You’re exactly to her tastes, so she’ll probably lean towards forgiving.”

“By her ‘tastes’, I assume you mean underage and dark?”

Killian barked a laugh at Lilith’s joke. “Underage, _female_ , and dark. I’ve never visited her because of my gender.”

Lilith nodded in grudging acceptance. In District 11, all of the citizens (Tassel’s white community notwithstanding) and the majority of Peacekeepers had dark skin. It wasn’t lost on them that all of the mayors and head Peacekeepers were white. Lilith had read about pre-District Panem (called “America”) and there had apparently been an even bigger color issue then. The term for discrimination by white people was called “racism.”

So Lilith accepted the idea of her skin being attractive to white Capitol citizens- because that’s what they mostly were, white. 

“Anyway, just do what she says. If you follow her instructions to the T, she’ll love you.” Killian smiled bitterly. “You can’t catch a break, can you?”

“My Games will never be over, apparently,” Lilith replied wryly. She became more serious and locked her dark hazel eyes onto his wild, haunted brown ones. “I want to thank you for all you did to make those Games go my way. The ridged Cornucopia, the forest that wasn’t a maze for me, the book, the trap supplies. I cannot imagine what you must have had to do to make it that way.”

“You’ll have to do half the payment. That’s why you’re being thrown into it so quickly.” Killian placed his hands firmly on the girl’s. “It was worth it for you. Also, Seeder did a lot as well.”

“I was getting to her!” Lilith grinned. She was put at ease by the two Victors and already felt like one of them, the only positive development she could think of from the Hunger Games so far. 

The rest of the day passed by too quickly. She reviewed sex moves and learned about specialized sax toys found in the Capitol, even getting to touch them and try them out. She knew how sex worked and no one there was comfortable shedding a scrap of clothing, so the mechanics would be left to the evening. There were some crazy items, such as a glass penis full of live fish and a full set of whips lined with diamonds that were apparently mostly for show. Lilith was in over her head and felt her distress rising as 20:00 came around. She choked down a bit of bread and butter before changing into skimpy lingerie under long sleeves.

Killian escorted her to a taxi at 19:30. “It’s a ten-minute drive. See you after!” He called as she slid the door shut.

“Where to?” The taxi driver, a plainly dressed man, asked.

“2345 Victory Street,” Lilith said clearly. 

“You got it!” The driver said. “I’m Harold Jones, by the way, originally from District 8. I know who you are. That was quite the performance, Miss Hardy.”

Lilith tamped down her immediate panic and nodded in response. “Thank you, Harold.”

“You’re not a talker, huh? Ah well. You got business with Jillian Richardson? She was one of your main sponsors, you know. I put in money for you, even over my District’s tributes. None of them even stood a chance!”

The girl smiled thinly. “Thank you for that.” She kept up a light conversation with Harold until they got to a massive, red brick mansion with towering front doors and many windows. 

“Here you are! I’m prepaid, so don’t even worry,” Harold said. “I’ll be here in the morning.” Lilith hopped out of the taxi with a wave and walked up to the doors, using the golden knocker to alert the inhabitants to her presence. A blank-faced Avox greeted her and led her up three flights of stairs, rushing her past brilliantly decorated rooms and what must have been ancient and expensive works of art, to a grand bedroom with an entrance of brightly colored beads. Lilith reached out and felt them, realizing that they were real stones. 

“Rubies, emeralds, and opals. Do you like them? They’re some of the last remaining in Panem,” a sickly sweet voice said. Lilith looked up to see a tall, glittering woman walking towards her. Jillian Richardson had skin so white she looked like a ghost and an artificially curvy body with wide hips, a painfully thin waist, and large breasts. Her grin revealed perfectly straight teeth the silvery white color of her long, slinky dress. “It’s nice to meet you, Lilith Hardy. I have to say, you look better in that outfit than in the dress last night. Too much body, too fast. I wanted it to be a surprise! Oh well. I can still enjoy you.”

Lilith opened her mouth to reply, but she was stopped by a finger on her lips. “No, don’t speak, dear. I don’t like it. Just come here, darling.” Jillian put her hands on Lilith’s face, taking her time. The teenager automatically latched onto the woman’s hips, attracted to her immediately. _Come fucking on! She’s seventy and about to_ rape _you. Stop it with your crushes!_

“Come here,” Jillian cooed, waltzing through the curtain of precious gems. Lilith followed, eyes widening with wonder when she took in the room. Dark golden walls and rugs somehow didn’t clash with silver-lined red velvet furniture and a multicolored king-sized bed. “Amazing, isn’t it? I had it renovated last winter. This is my fun bedroom, you see. For sharing with little things like you.”

Lilith sat down on the bed as instructed and tensed as Jillian slipped her hands under her shirt. “Oh, relax. I’m just preparing.” The woman’s smile had become predatory as she felt the teenager’s breasts, even dipping under her lingerie. “You’ll do just fine. Who knew that Murderess was so sexy? I’m going to take this off now.”

It became more and more uncomfortable because Jillian wouldn’t stop her roving hands. She had Lilith in her lingerie and pinned in the middle of the bed quickly. Her words kept coming, making the girl even more tense with each simpering syllable. Though she tried her hardest not to, as soon as Jillian began to remove the last of her clothing, Lilith began to struggle and cry out. 

“Darling! Come now. You lasted quite a while, I have to admit,” Jillian said. She grabbed a dark orange syringe off of of a diamond-encrusted bedside table and slid it into Lilith’s neck, immediately making her fall silent and still. “That’s better. I’ve heard that you like learning. Well, I just gave you a drug called _mycanthrophen_ , more commonly known as the body control drug or “Awake Puppet Juice. Your mind isn’t dulled in the least, yet you’ll do as I say and can’t speak. Just like a good little puppet. You’ll learn, don’t worry.”

The next night was one of the worst of Lilith’s life, and she had cut her own arm off only days before. Jillian had the energy of a young woman and her fingers seemed to reach every part of the girl’s body, leaving deep imprints. She made Lilith perform sex acts that she’d never even heard before and use almost all of the toys that she had been introduced to that day. The worst part was that her methods really did turn Lilith on and made her come several times. She was exhausted by dawn and fell unconscious even with her rapist’s arms still around her naked body.

“Well!” Jillian purred into Lilith’s ear three hours later. “That was fun, don’t you think?” It wasn’t a drug but fear that made the girl nod in agreement. “You can go now. Feel free to use the restroom on your way out, and your clothes have been washed.”

The woman was true to her word and Lilith was left alone as she relieved herself and slipped into her cover clothes from the night before, thankful for the inclusion of a bra and underwear. She was silent on the taxi ride back to the tribute center and immediately raced up to her room upon arrival, gulping down three cups of water for her parched throat. The only relief came from the discovery that the anklet was still on her. The feeling of complete and total helplessness was one that she would remember for the rest of her life from that experience.

Killian stood in her room when she came out of a long, much-needed shower in a fresh outfit with a sympathetic look on his face. “You have a few marks on you,” he told her unhelpfully.

Lilith sent him a dark look. “Thanks. What do you need to tell me?”

“You need to clear out of here. Seeder found you an apartment- it’s small and modest, don’t worry- and will be helping you move into it this afternoon... along with Ilinican. He’s finally on board with you now that you’ve won and now apparently loves you.”

“Just give me ten minutes to myself. I will be there soon.” Lilith sat down on her bed, breathing in and out. She felt horribly violated and like there was nowhere to go, but the thought of an apartment focused her. Life was continuing and there were things to be done. 


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lilith sees her apartment and meets a new friend.
> 
> Underlined words are in sign language.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: mention of death, killing, violence, rape/non-con, but nothing crazy in this one, implied/referenced past child abuse, past alcoholism

_Lilith called in an Avox, realizing that moving forward required not looking like she’d just had a woman’s hands all over her._ “You do make-up, right? I need you to cover these marks,” she told the silent girl (who couldn’t be older than fifteen). 

Five minutes later, Lilith was ready to head out, in long sleeves and a thick coat of make-up. The Avox slipped away, her young face the same grimace as all the others wore. The Victor had nothing personal to pack, nothing keeping her in the tribute center. Ilinican, who hadn’t spoken to her at all since the Reaping, was standing outside of her door, a massive grin on his garishly made-up face. 

“There she is! Our Victor. Oh, you did _so well_! I liked the boy as well, but he lost the moment you began to cut tributes down during the Bloodbath. And the traps were so clever! It’s amazing that you did them at night!”

Seeder tried repeatedly to get Ilinican to stop talking as they entered the elevator to go down, but Lilith didn’t mind the chatter. It gave her something to focus on and an ego boost that helped push the memories of the night before away. A crowd had gathered by the front entrance, so the Victors and escort left through a back door and hopped right into a taxi. Harold was the driver again. 

“There’s a bookstore,” Lilith pointed out as they passed a street filled with shops of every variety. “Can I visit sometime?”

“Whenever you like, honey. Though there’s a homecoming surprise waiting for you, so not now!” Ilinican said cheerfully. 

“You’ll be living on Victory Street. A good half of Victors have apartments here, the ones that want to be more low-profile. The rest have massive houses elsewhere. I got you the smallest apartment I could find.” Seeder smiled at Lilith, pity clear in her eyes. 

“Thanks.” Lilith felt irritation rise through her. She took a few deep breaths as the taxi pulled up to a tall, silver-gray metal building with large windows. 

“I’m your personal driver, miss Hardy. I’m just a phone call away,” Howard called to her as she exited the taxi. 

Seeder led the group up to the front desk, where a stiffly dressed woman sat typing at a sleek, square device Lilith recognized as a computer. “Lilith Hardy is here for her room key,” Seeder said firmly. “Give me her credit card as well.”

Lilith held out her hand for two bits of plastic. The first was dark blue and had many silver numbers on it that she didn’t understand, but it was apparently linked to a virtual money account that all the District 11 Victors had access to. Seeder assured her that though the Career Districts had much more money, Lilith could buy however much she liked. The second was a red card with her room number (221) on it. That was much easier to understand.

Room 221 had an off-white door with no doorknob, only a black box. Lilith searched around for one before Ilinican’s laugh made her freeze. “What are you doing? Put your key on the scanner! What, they don’t have basic technology in District 11?”

Lilith’s face burned with embarrassment; she should have figured it out. _Use your fucking brain. You’re still in the Games, remember?_ She was successful with the door when she scanned the key, and the door clicked open. The living room was blessedly normal-looking, with pale walls and sparse furniture, except for the Victors gathered in it. 

They came up to introduce themselves one by one, though it wasn’t necessary for most of them. First was Nolan Veeria from District 1, winner of the 58th Hunger Games. He was a large, muscled blond 20-year-old who pumped Lilith for all of the gory details of her Games before Seeder gently shooed him away. Bree Pine from District 10 was the winner of the 53rd Games, pale and thin with beady blue eyes and sandy hair. She was clearly jealous of Lilith’s dominance, probably because she had only killed one already-injured tribute after getting a nasty head wound in the Bloodbath. She had hidden and managed to avoid the horrifying wolf mutts that had killed the rest of the tributes. There was a lot of controversy around those Games because the mutts had killed sixteen tributes, including District 4’s boy, who had wiped out five others. Many still felt that Marlin should have won over Bree. 

Bree and Nolan huddled together, whispering, as old Mags (winner of the 11th! Hunger Games) from District 4 hobbled up to Lilith. The old woman had a way about her that immediately relaxed the girl. “Hello, young lady. You put on quite the show,” Mags said with a soft, knowing look.

“Thank you. Sorry about Pearl.”

“That girl didn’t stand a chance. I wasn’t her mentor anyway.” Mags’ good humor dropped for a moment before returning. “How do you like your new apartment?”

“I have not had the chance to look around,” Lilith admitted.

“Have a sandwich. Mila here can show you around.” Mags gestured to the other Victor in the room, a shorter young woman with tanned skin, long, golden hair and the most beautiful sea-blue eyes Lilith had ever seen. Mila Riverwill of District 2 had won the year before, getting six of her nine kills in the Bloodbath then coasting off of the Careers until the last day, when they had killed all but District 8’s female and lost District 2’s male and both from District 1 to tracker jackers. That was when Mila had killed District 4’s tributes and the poor District 8 girl swiftly, coming out of the Games physically unharmed. 

“Hey,” Mila said. “Do you want a drink?” She pointed to the living room table, which was covered in mini-sandwiches and glasses of champagne (identified by the bottle that was also there). The sight of alcohol brought back memories of her father’s fists and rages, so Lilith shook her head no.

“I would probably get drunk almost immediately, so no thank you. I will, however, eat a sandwich.”

Mila waited for Lilith to take the food with a slight frown on her face. Once the two teenagers were a little separate from the others, she spoke her thoughts. “You’re really thin, especially since you actually ate well in the Arena.”

“The food is too rich for me. I have also always been underweight,” Lilith replied. She glanced around, taking in the living room for the first time. The walls were a peach-white color that went well with the soft gray furniture, and it opened into a sleek kitchen with plenty of cabinets, an oven, a microwave, a tiled floor, and a large fridge. “Speaking of food, is the fridge stocked?”

“Oh yeah. Anything you could think of, light or heavy, simple or complex. There are also cookbooks in one of the cabinets. I helped put this place together yesterday,” Mila said when Lilith sent her a questioning look. 

“Thank you! I can already tell that you did a lovely job.” 

Mila showed Lilith through the rest of the apartment. There was enough food to feed an entire block in one cabinet alone, and at second glance, the walls were painted with the most expensive paint and the lights that were scattered around were lined with real gold. Despite the expense, Lilith found herself falling in love with the place. The bed was reasonably sized with creamy sheets, the bedside tables seemed to be made of normal wood, and best of all, there was a bookshelf that took up an entire wall.

Lilith ran right over, unable to hold her excitement back, and took in the mass of literary genius before her. She hadn’t heard of half the authors, but she would soon. “This is amazing! It is so hard to believe. Everything has changed in such a short time.”

“I know how you feel. I did volunteer, and I knew what to expect during the Games themselves, but it was after that I realized what exactly I had done. I have money of my own, and three houses, and my family is secure. The visits with Capitol citizens were a little unexpected, though.” Mila was letting Lilith know that they were in the same boat- she’d probably seen the heavy coat of make-up on her face and neck. 

“I will just have to get used to it,” Lilith responded. “So, when is the Victory tour? It is usually soon, correct?”

“It’s being pushed back due to a bad storm over the middle Districts this year,” Mila said. “It should be in two or three weeks.”

Sure, a storm. More like Lilith had sponsors to please. “Yours was pushed back as well, right?”

“Yeah. I’m not actually sure what happened, but there was some sort of crisis. It wasn’t off-schedule by too much.”

The conversation tapered off as Lilith looked at the titles of the books. Some were so ancient that they were in digital form only ( _Gone with the Wind, Mein Kampf_ ), though most were modern and made of bound paper. The ones that really caught Lilith’s eye were the older history books that told of life before the rebellion. Sure, they were probably edited to fit the Capitol’s version of history, but at least they would tell her something of the United States of America.

“So, ah...” Mila cleared her throat. “Do you want me to leave? You’ve been staring at the wall for a while...”

Lilith started. “Oh! No. No, I need you to explain the technology here to me. I have never used a phone, let alone a computer.” She gestured to the small square sitting on the desk in the corner helplessly.

Mila laughed, grinning one of the most stunning smiles Lilith had ever seen. “Sure. So, the phone is in the kitchen...”

As Mila showed her how to work the various tech devices around the apartment, Lilith fell harder for her. The teenager had a most likely surgery-made hourglass figure that she carried with grace, and her long, curly hair glowed in the light sometimes. Lilith did pay attention because she really needed to figure out how to live in the Capitol, but she was staring at Mila most of the time. 

Seeder interrupted after a few minutes to say that Lilith needed to actually speak to the other Victors. “Nolan traveled halfway across the city to congratulate you. Achilles was his tribute, by the way, so it’s particularly gracious of him to be here. And Mags has severe arthritis. It hurts her to walk.”

Lilith sighed. “All right. Mila, thank you for the lesson. I need to talk to other people now, but... can we go to dinner or something tonight? I want to get to know you better.” It all came out in a bit of a rush, much less smoothly than usual, but Mila didn’t seem to mind.

The 60th Victor grinned her bright smile again. “Sure! There’s a great place that serves pre-Panem dishes a couple blocks away. How about we head out at 18:30? It’s casual dress. Your closet is full of clothes, and as a fashion expert, I took the liberty of labeling everything for you. See you then! I’m in apartment 1607, if you need to call me. Just type the numbers into the wall phone.”

Mila took a glass of champagne on her way out. Lilith watched her go in a daze before refocusing and going to the living room. She spoke with the other Victors for a few minutes before Ilinican shooed them out, insisting that they allow her to settle into the apartment. Then, he and Seeder headed out, promising to come back the next day.

Lilith’s good mood soured when she got a digital message (“e-mail”) on her newly set up computer that invited her to a liaison with a sponsor, a rich man named Bernie Buskin. She would ask Mila about him, she decided. He couldn’t possibly be as bad as Jillian had been. As dinner approached, her excitement returned. 

The large closet was overwhelming, full of many different types of fabrics. There were about thirty kinds of shoes, and as many bags. Luckily, Mila had put labels on every item, dictating exactly what it was used for and what colors it went well with. 

Three Avoxes, two young women and a boy, were standing in the bedroom when Lilith came out of her closet. She took in the sight before sighing; of course she had her own personal slaves. Well, that didn’t mean that she had to treat them badly. The Capitol’s expectations be damned.

I can sign. Do you understand me? She asked them. Their leader, a mousy, brown-haired woman of about twenty-five, replied with a shocked look on her face.

We do! My name is Yolanda. My co-workers are called Nina and John. We will be your cleaners, prep team for the everyday, and cooks. You can help us cook but are not allowed near knives.

Fair enough. Nice to meet you. I have a dinner out in an hour. My make-up needs to be redone and I have no idea what to wear. I require your assistance. Lilith knew enough not to thank them, but vowed to be as fair as possible. It would make her feel a little less guilty about her part in the Capitol’s tyranny.


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 2 chapters in as many days! I’m rolling.
> 
> Lilith connects with Howard and learns a bit more about the Capitol. Her and Mila’s dinner starts out well and goes downhill when reporters find them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: a (hopefully accurate) description of a panic attack, past rape/non-con, past child abuse

_Yolanda and Nina, who had dark brown, almost black skin and tightly braided crow-black hair, did a wonderful job on Lilith’s face._ They highlighted her constantly shifting eyes and sharp bone structure using techniques that she didn’t even begin to understand. The girl was happy to see that the marks were fading, but they were still prominent. John, a plain boy with red hair, picked out a green skirt, leggings the color of Lilith’s skin, and a long-sleeved white blouse. He also laid out white sandals and a pretty golden necklace as well as a small white purse for her new portable phone and credit card.

Lilith actually felt natural for the first time in days. She waved goodbye to the Avoxes and headed down to the front entrance at 18:15. Howard’s blue taxi was there, and the man himself had the window down. He grinned at the Victor as she let herself in. “Long time, no see! Where are you headed this fine evening?”

“Graywind’s Diner,” Lilith said. Howard was right about it being a fine night; it was approaching fall, so a cool breeze flowed over a cloudless sky. The sun was still up, as it wouldn’t set for a few hours. Ursula and Nathan would love camping out on a night like this. Homesickness overwhelmed her for a moment. She wanted to be near trees, with her family.

“Hey! I asked you how you were feeling. I guess a little sad?” Howard asked, breaking Lilith out of her thoughts. 

The teenager decided that a little honesty would be fine. “I am just missing my family. It is a beautiful night, one that my younger siblings would love.”

“Yeah, I usually take my kids out to a park near where we live.”

“You have children?” Lilith asked, surprised but pleased that Howard was opening up to her. 

“Three of them. Janice is five, Mycenae is six, and Rafael is eight. They’re a handful, but worth it. My wife Gina does most of the work because I’m driving all day.”

“I will try not to take up too much of your time,” Lilith told him, suddenly feeling guilty.

“Oh, you’re not my only customer. I drive for Capitol citizens as well. And this is how I earn the money to care for my family. Gina works too, but from home and only part-time because of the kids.”

“I always thought that every Capitol citizen was rich.”

“We’re probably rich compared to the Districts- I grew up in District 5 but haven’t lived there for a long time- but we’re definitely a part of the lower class. It’s not a bad existence.” Howard shrugged. “My wife and kids are happy and safe. That’s all I really care about.”

“That is nice. Did you... let them see my Games?” Lilith asked hesitantly.

“Yeah, most of it. We shielded them from the gorier parts, like most of the final battle. They were really routing for you, especially since it was your birthday in the Arena.” Howard seemed to be telling the truth, so Lilith relaxed. “Oh! Here we are. You have a portable phone, correct? Just call me when you need me.” 

Mira was standing outside of a one-story red brick restaurant, wearing a short yellow dress and a necklace that highlighted her slim neck and smooth features. Lilith bid Howard a nice night as she slipped out of the taxi, smiling legitimately for the first time in a while. “Hi! How long ago did you get here?”

“About a minute. I’ve reserved a table for us, so let’s go! This is my favorite restaurant, a hidden Capitol gem,” Mila said excitedly, her eyes glowing in the sunlight. 

“I am looking forward to trying it.” Lilith immediately liked Graywind’s Diner because though it was full of garishly dressed Capitolites, there was outdoor seating in a sheltered park. The waiters were gracious and businesslike, moving through the space efficiently. 

Since Lilith didn’t have any food preference, Mila ordered two plates of a pasta dish for them. “I know that pasta is available in District 11, so I wanted to get you something familiar. This dish does have fish and different sauces.”

“I am sure that it will be delicious.” Lilith took a sip of water. “So, you know a little bit about my family. How about you? Do you have any siblings?”

“Yeah! I have three younger brothers, ten, eleven, and twelve. Pietr’s the mischievous one- he’s always up to something, it drives my parents crazy. Carson is wicked smart, three years ahead in school. I like him the best. And Oliver just wants to win the Games. He’s already... er... practicing. He would have volunteered this year if he could have. I worry for him.”

“I feel like I would also like Carson the best,” Lilith agreed. She happened to know that Mila had another sibling that she wasn’t mentioning; her sister Janice, who had made it to the top three in the 58th Hunger Games before dying. There had to be a good reason that Mila wasn’t talking about her, so Lilith filed it away for later. 

“So, in your interview, you didn’t mention a father. Is there a reason for that?” The 60th Victor asked, changing the subject rather quickly.

“He died five years ago. Heart attack.”

“Oh, that’s terrible!” Mila seemed actually sad, but Lilith only snorted derisively.

“He was a horrible father. Always drunk. Liked to use his fists.”

“Oh,” Mila said quietly as understanding dawned. “So- so what about your siblings? What are they like?”

“Brandon is my fourteen-year-old brother. He is quite sensitive and will sometimes explode in anger. He really means no harm.” Lilith knew never to mention Brandon’s deafness and the severity of his breakdowns. An angry teenager was believable to many and she was a good liar. “The twins are both adorable, as you might have seen in the top-eight interview. Ursula is full of energy, and Nathan is always figuring out some way to get past Jay- my mother- and I. They are both reading well for their age.”

“Nice,” Mila said. “Toddlers must be hard to deal with, especially while you’re here.”

“I am hoping that my family has received the prize money and my mother can work less now. In any case, I can help out again when I get back.” The curly-haired girl’s eyes widened as she remembered the e-mail from that afternoon. “I was wondering if you have ever visited with Bernie Buskin? I got a message from him asking me to dinner.” She had spotted at least five cameras in the vicinity, so there were plenty of allusions and word tricks in this conversation.

“Bernie’s fine. He’s a super wealthy man who lost his beloved wife Mialinna- yes, that was actually her name- three years ago and misses her horribly. He really only wants companionship and he’s a good shoulder to cry on if you need it.” Mila and Lilith quickly moved on to other, safer subjects

Dinner was absolutely delicious. However, a group of reporters managed to get behind the restaurant and through the boundaries of the garden. They swarmed Lilith and Mila, who were thrown off by the flashes of cameras and the flood of questions directed at the newest Victor.

“Miss Hardy! How are you feeling after the Games?”

“Do you have any messages for your family?”

“How does it feel to be a Victor?”

“How do you like the Capitol?”

“Have you been making friends?”

“Miss Riverwill, why are you talking to the girl that killed your tribute?”

“Miss Hardy, Jillian Richardson said that you visited with her last night. How was it?”

“Miss Hardy, what do you think about your new nickname, Murderess?”

“Miss Hardy!”

_Miss Hardy_

_Hunger Games_

_Jillian Richardson_

_Death_

_Killing_

_Murderess_

_Murderess_

Lilith hadn’t realized that she was hyperventilating until Mila and the restaurant staff managed to shoo the reporters away and she had a moment alone. 

“Too much, too fast. Come on, Lilith,” Mila said gently, leading her new friend to the plush bathroom and sitting her down on a couch. However, Lilith continued to panic, shaking and pulling in on herself. She began to rock back and forth, letting out pained grunts, tears running down her face. Her mind was blazing, and the only sound she could discern was another one of Lucy Gray’s songs, Haven’s dying cry taking over the words every now and then.

_Are you, are you_

_Coming to the tree_

_They strung up a man_

_They say who murdered three_

_Strange things did happen here_

_No stranger would it be_

_If we met at midnight_

_In the hanging tree_

Mila was running her hands gently down Lilith’s back, trying to quiet her cries.

_Are you, are you_

_Coming to the tree_

_Where a dead man called out_

_For his love to flee_

_Strange things did happen here_

_No stranger would it be_

_If we met at midnight_

_In the hanging tree_

Lilith didn’t know how much time had passed, but she was beginning to tire. Mila’s whispered words were soothing.

_Are you, are you_

_Coming to the tree_

_Where I told you to run_

_So we'd both be free_

_Strange things did happen here_

_No stranger would it be_

_If we met at midnight_

_In the hanging tree_

Lilith finally managed to calm down enough to get back to real life. She looked right at Mila, who was holding her securely, and acted purely on instinct. The girls kissed, a messy, desperate embrace that lasted only a few seconds before they broke apart, both crying and breathing hard.

“Wow, uh...” Mila shook her head, wiping tears away. “I guess you’re feeling better?”

“Thanks to you. Mila, I... I have feelings for you, and I want to try to be with you. We can go as fast or as slow as you like, I just- want to do something purely for myself.”

Mila laughed softly. “I like you too, Lilith. We’ll have to be careful, and obviously we both have people to visit, but I think we can make it work. Let’s talk digitally when we get back to our Districts and see if we can last long-distance.”

Lilith left the restaurant an exhausted but satisfied young woman. Mila called her taxi and took the younger girl back to the apartment complex, even helping wash her ruined make-up away.

Lilith passed right out, the feeling of Mila’s lips on her own lingering into her dreams. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I got the song lyrics off of a basic Google Search.


	17. Chapter 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Time passes- this is a filler chapter that talks about Lilith’s next few weeks in the Capitol.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: suicidal thoughts, suicide attempt, mentioned panic attacks, attempted murder, violence, eating disorders, mental health issues, drug addiction, mention of torture, gore, underage non-con/rape

_Weeks passed in a blur of activities. Lilith threw herself into Capitol life and began to adjust to her new status._ She and Mila went out again a few times, but kept their relationship low-key, not going past kissing. Lilith had to focus on more practical matters, like getting an education and learning how to use technology (Seeder was a huge help with that). There was a University in the Capitol that apparently offered classes just to Victors. Lilith called them the day after her panic attack.

“Hi, my name is Lilith Hardy. I want to attend classes at the University but will be returning to my District in just a few weeks. Is there a way that I can take classes while there?”

The woman on the end of the line answered in a pleasant, professional tone. “Hello, miss Hardy. Yes, there are teachers especially trained to teach Victors in their home Districts. The classes will be online- your new house should have a computer with Internet- and based around your schedule. The work will also be digital.”

Lilith didn’t know what half of the words meant but wasn’t going to admit it. “That sounds great. Do I have to do paperwork to sign up?”

“A few forms, yes, and you will have to take a test so we can see where to place you in each subject. I don’t mean offense, but are you literate?”

“Yes, I got a basic education back in 11.” Lilith thought it was a fair question; neither Killian nor Seeder had been literate before their Games. 

The test was so unexpectedly hard, and Lilith only scored a 50%. She knew how to multiply, could add and subtract most numbers (she did it constantly while working in the orchards to help fight off boredom), and was solid on history, but she totally failed the science and more advanced math sections. It left her feeling drained like most other things in the Capitol, but the staff was respectful and the teacher she was paired with, an older man named Carson Gradient, was compassionate and well-meaning. 

Lilith met Carson while she was signing a few documents, enrolling herself in the school. A tall, fit man with reddish-brown hair and an impish grin approached. “So this is my new student? You’re prettier in real life, I must say.”

“Not being covered in blood helps,” Lilith replied, shaking his hand. “I will warn you right now that my schedule is going to be a little tight. I do not know exactly what it will look like, but classes in the late morning will probably work best. Also, my little siblings might visit during lessons.”

“That’s fine! Just get back to me on times that work for you.” Carson shook back firmly. “I have a young son myself, so I will be getting visitors as well.” He and Lilith spoke for a few more minutes before he gave her a folder of work to complete before classes began. “It’s really low-level stuff. There’s explanations and feel free to call me if you need any help. I put my number on the test results.”

The other Victors threw a massive, flashy birthday party for Lilith ten days after her victory that felt more like a meet-and-greet than a celebration. She didn’t touch any of the various dishes, too disgusted by the Capitolites who stuffed their faces before throwing up in the bathrooms and returning to eat more. Only a few Victors stood out to Lilith, who had watched all of the more recent Games with Mila in her apartment in between reading and schoolwork. 

There was Janet Opal from District 5, the jumpy, morphling-addicted Victor of the 54th Games who had won by disguising herself so well in the muddy Arena that there was only one other tribute left, the badly injured male from District 1, when she revealed herself. Janet had stabbed the boy in the back and been declared winner. Like with Bree Pine, many Capitol citizens had been unhappy with the result and thought of her as an uninteresting coward. She was nervous and stuttered. 

Beetee Latier from District 3 had won the 33rd Games using his brain and supplies. His Arena had been a series of islands in a sea, and he had racked up a death toll of six at the very end by creating an electric trap and luring the other tributes towards it. Lilith immediately liked him for his warm demeanor and asked if he could teach her electrical science when she got to that educational level, a request that he agreed cheerfully to. He was very protective of Wiress Langston, the 40th Victor, who had made technical traps and taken out the remaining two Careers when she survived to the top three. Her mental state was clearly deteriorating, as she constantly let out high, nervous laughter and repeated the same facts several times. Lilith pitied her.

Marlon Johnson from District 8 was one of the cruelest tributes in the history of the Hunger Games. He had been reaped the year after the Quarter Quell and clearly been pressured to pull off something noteworthy. He had scored a decent 7 in training and hadn’t stood out in personality but put on a show with his actions in the Arena, a snowy tundra with large bear mutts. He had taken on his District partner, a thirteen-year-old named Beatrice, and the pair from 5, Nina and Howard, as allies during the Bloodbath then tied them up that night. Lilith had thrown up in horror when she’d seen his next actions; he had cut Beatrice’s eyes out and cut her all over her body, leaving her to bleed out while he hung Howard against a tree with sharp sticks, letting the mutts tear him apart. Nina had managed to convince him to keep her alive for another few days because of her knowledge of explosives and helped him set up a field of bombs, which he had promptly thrown her into. The Games had ended with the two tributes from District 4 being blown up by the trap. 

“I like what you did. There wasn’t enough blood, though,” the tall, greasy-haired man said as he shook Lilith’s hand. She broke away from him as soon as possible.

Haymitch Abernathy won the second Quarter Quell as a young, handsome teenager, but had become a raving drunk since. He hadn’t been the top performer in a Games with double the tributes, but had stood out due to his looks, sulky personality, and bond with one of the female tributes from 12, Maysilee Donner. He had shown himself to be clever when he had bounced an axe off the force field around the Arena, killing the District 1 girl that had also made it to the top two. However, he was now a paranoid drunk. Lucy Gray would have been ashamed of the only living Victor from her District.

“Hey! You’re the bitch that killed my tributes!” Haymitch slurred at Lilith, dirty blonde hair wild around his slack face, stumbling over to her as she was speaking with Beetee and Wiress and dumping his full beer onto her nice dress. Or was he drunk? Haymitch slipped a small item into her hand as she fell against her, whispering in her ear before being pulled away by Seeder and Killian. “Here’s all that you need to know. Welcome to the rebellion, kid.”

Lilith used that as an excuse to leave the party and headed back to her apartment with Seeder and Mila, smirking to herself. So there were several rebellious Victors. Haymitch had given her a watch that cleverly hid a thumb drive. Lilith placed it on her wrist, vowing to look at it later. 

The visits continued, none as bad as her first night with Jillian (who called her back twice and was just as horrible). Some Capitolites, like Bernie Buskin, actually made efforts to get to know Lilith, though the teenager had to remind herself that they were still forcing her to have underage sex with them. None of them bar Jillian drugged her.

She was called for interviews a few times, and the flashing of camera lights always triggered a panic attack. Lilith could get through them, but the longer she held her breakdown away, the worse it was. One night just a few days before the Victory Tour all of the questions were about her actions in the Games, specifically her kills. She managed to finish the interview half-coherent but began to break down as soon as she left the spotlight. There was an open window nearby and she dashed towards it, getting halfway into the open air before two Peacekeepers dragged her back. The teenager knocked out one of them and almost choked him to death before his friend jabbed a needle in her arm, knocking her out. Seeder and Killian were working overtime to keep her breakdowns quiet and took her back to her apartment, where she woke a nervous wreck. Her panic attacks usually led to her becoming self-destructive, and the attack on another person was a bad sign.

Lilith’s sleep was haunted by nightmares of the Arena; Haven’s scream, Grayson slowly bleeding out in a trap, the final fight with Kite, the knowledge that his family had most likely been killed, along with the other trainees and their families. During these nights, she would eat a mass of food then throw it all up, then be too drained to eat much during the days. Her ribs were clearly visible, which her former mentors and Mila hated but all of the people she slept with found sexy. 

“I will eat better in 11, where I can actually stomach the food,” Lilith said the morning she left for the Victory Tour as Mila practically shoved a plate of food at her. “Look, I appreciate the concern, but I can handle not eating for a bit. It is how I grew up.”

“You need to be able to use your head for the Tour,” Seeder pointed out. “You’ll have Capitol-written speeches for the main crowds but you will have to keep up appearances of a confident though apologetic young woman. It will be hard, especially since you killed more than half of the tributes.”

Lilith suddenly laughed. Killian, Seeder, and Mila stared at her. “Oh, I am not about to go crazy. I am just remembering how the District 8 and 5 crowds greeted Marlon on his Tour.” They had booed so loudly that his speeches couldn’t be heard. Apparently, his family had refused to even acknowledge him and he’d never returned to his home District.

“Let’s keep this focused,” Killian said, irritated. “Here are your speeches, one for each District. Stay on-script. Now, a team of Avoxes is coming to pack up your apartment soon, so take what you want to keep with you. We’re going to the train in five minutes. You’ll have a wardrobe there.”

Lilith changed into a light summer dress and packed her cell phone, schoolwork and supplies as well as a few books by a pre-Panem author named Isabel Allende. She said a brief goodbye to Nina, John, and Yolanda (keeping it professional so they wouldn’t be punished). She was irritated at Mila for treating her like a breakable doll and had a quick goodbye kiss with her.

“I will be in contact,” she called to the other girl as she entered the train that would take her through all of the Districts. She didn’t even glance up as the Capitol, which had brought her so much pain and suffering, faded out of sight.


	18. Chapter 18

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Victory Tour

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: implied/referenced child abuse, non-consensual drug use, drug addiction, suicide attempts, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), mental health issues, unhealthy coping mechanisms

_ The Victory Tour was just as guilt-inducing and triggering as Lilith thought it would be, though it did go quickly.  _ Lilith started to use contractions again partially because her speeches included them, partially because it was too much work not to. The speeches were Capitol propaganda bullshit, but they were prewritten and didn’t take much energy to read.

Lilith needed that energy to face the crowds. The Career Districts, while hostile, at least clapped politely, and some were downright polite. She hadn’t killed Lira or Elon, so District 3 was friendly. Others were dead silent, and some rebellious. 

District 7 booed throughout the bullshit speech and a few citizens even threw tomatoes at Lilith. The girl rushed and got to safety as soon as possible. She could tell the Districts that had been beaten down the most by the Capitol; the look in the eyes of the coal-stained 12 citizens would haunt her dreams (which were in full force); Peacekeepers had to pull their guns to get 8’s crowd to even clap. 

Lilith broke down almost every night, and she found creative ways to hurt herself. A book’s edge was a knife; a hairbrush was a choker; she let her nails grow and cut deep into her wrists with them. A team of doctors had to be called to the train to sedate her and patch her up. Seeder tried to calm Lilith down one night and took a kitchen knife to the shoulder. Killian knocked the teenager out, furious, and didn’t speak to her for the rest of the Tour. 

Of course, these breakdowns couldn’t be shown to the public, so Lilith exhausted herself trying to look mentally stable during the days. She was required to meet with the families of the other tributes, and wanted to learn all she could about them, especially the ones she’d killed. 

Each family had a different reaction to her request, and all were forced to by the Peacekeepers. They would meet in private rooms, guards scattered around. Hyacinth’s parents were both Victors themselves- Faydra had won the 37th Games, and Maulus the 39th. They seemed pleasantly surprised by Lilith’s question and readily told her all about their daughter.

Hyacinth Naismith had made it her life’s goal to become a Victor. She wanted to get out of her parents’ shadows and make her own path, training hard and becoming the top of her class in school through pure effort. This had made her popular with her peers, though she hadn’t had time for friends outside of the school day. Her dedication had set her apart from the rest of her class. Her two younger sisters, meanwhile, both sat sulkily in the back of the room and rolled their eyes at the praise for Hyacinth. 

Helga, Achilles’ mother, was confined to a wheelchair. She and her twin daughters, Willie and Everly, all seemed shy and grief-stricken. Achilles Wylde had volunteered because Helga needed medicine and the girls (they were only eight) wanted to attend an expensive school that fall. His friend Harlan, a stout, strong nineteen-year-old, did most of the talking. Achilles could be charming and kind if you got to know him, and he’d put in a lot of work for the Games. 

No wonder Hyacinth and Quartz had been so close in training; their stories were very much alike. Quartz Willa had been at the top of her training group and had a large group of cronies in school. Her sister Ruby spoke about her with real venom, the irritated look in her eyes mirroring the ones in Hyacinth’s sisters’. The parents, meanwhile, seemed to ignore their other daughter. 

Lilith learned a lot about the Districts just from these stories. Norman Rockwell had been the youngest of four boys, one of them a Victor (the oldest, Nicholas, 56th Games). His parents seemed embarrassed about their son’s death and spent much of the time talking about Lilith’s achievements. All the teenager got from it was that Career families didn’t care about their children unless they were absolutely perfect. 

Elon Kisiret’s parents, in contrast, could barely get words out through their tears. He had been at the top of his class, a promising young engineer who liked to invent machines and made friends with everyone that he met. Lilith would have felt worse about the situation except for the fact that she didn’t kill Elon. It did bring back the memory of his blood on her, though, and triggered a particularly severe breakdown that night. 

At first, Lilith thought that Lira Wire was still alive when a small, red-haired girl stepped in the room after a taller boy and a redheaded couple. Introductions revealed that Lira had been an identical twin. Gina’s eyes were red and puffy from crying, as was her family’s. Lira had been shy, perfectly happy to walk in the outgoing Gina’s shadow at school, and hadn’t had many friends of her own. The family was dressed in tattered clothing and their ribs were visible. It went unspoken that Lira winning would have changed their lives forever.

Interestingly enough, Otter Polischeck’s family was also poor. Not starving, but compared to the well-dressed-and-fed crowd, they were certainly on the lower end of the pay scale. His girlfriend did most of the talking, saying that he had been one of the hardest workers on the docks and the main breadwinner to his five siblings after his father had died three years before. She thanked Lilith for taking mercy on him and ending his life while cursing at Kite for leaving him to die. 

Tide Waters, Pearl’s mother, showed up holding a baby. “This is my granddaughter. Pearl couldn’t bear to be away from Shell, especially after her good-for-nothing boyfriend left her,” the woman spat before marching out of the room. Lilith thought that Pearl shouldn’t have volunteered if her child was so young. It did explain a lot of her actions. 

Brandon Jolt’s mother (single with three other children to deal with) did her best to make him seem impressive, but Lilith was left with the image of a teenager who liked hanging out with his friends and played around instead of doing schoolwork. His entire group of friends showed up and glared at her balefully, not daring to speak up with Peacekeepers in the room.

Visiting with Haven’s family triggered the worst breakdown on the Tour. Her father, a short, dark-haired man, was the only one who came and said only that Haven Micro had been the most promising healer in the region. Lilith dove for a Peacekeeper’s gun the moment he left the room, the little girl’s scream ringing in her ears, and had to be knocked out. She began to have nightmares and was strapped down forcibly every night so she didn’t hurt herself. 

After that, the Tour went faster. Lilith suspected that her meals had a calming drug in them, because she became much more level-headed and seemed to float through the Districts. The tributes’ stories stuck in her mind, burned in her memory forever.

Otto Holman had worked hard in school and dreamed of flying. His parents and two brothers listed about thirty different flying machines that he had come up with in his short life.

Mayor George Everett was respectful around Lilith but was clearly torn up over Lyra, the shadows under his eyes giving away an inability to sleep. His wife had given birth to her fifth child the day before, so she didn’t show up. Lyra had been the center of her family, an outgoing, happy-go-lucky kid. 

Umber Trolijo’s family didn’t have to say anything about their situation. His weak little brother, all skin and bones, cried into Lilith for ten minutes before being whisked away. His mother did say that Umber had taken out the maximum tesserae possible to provide for the family. Tesserae wasn’t a thing in District 11 because of the rigged Reapings, but Lilith knew about it from other Victors. 

Hattie Wilcox’s father, older brothers, and younger sister were all as aggressive and aloof as she had been. All Lilith got from them was that her Victory had been the family’s hope for fame. 

Peter Lyman had been an orphan. His sickly-looking older sister refused to speak to Lilith, even when threatened by Peacekeepers. 

Mayor Chandler Justice had won the 48th Hunger Games and sympathized with Lilith’s drugged exhaustion. He and his lovely wife Rachel were saddened but proud that Birch had died trying to help another, saying that she had always been self-sacrificing. They seemed like decent people and Lilith hoped to cultivate a relationship with Chandler. 

Liam Winters had been the third of his siblings to die in the Games. His parents barely mentioned him, saying that he had been kind and strong but not particularly smart. They had six children under the age of twelve and another on the way; Nora Winters’ stomach was round with child and she had a resigned look about her.

Even drugged, Lilith could tell that Mira Queen hadn’t lived well. Her mother sobbed about how her daughter had been lovely and kind and too young to die, while her hulking, obviously drunk father snarled at his wife to shut up. The way the older sister was hiding in the corner gave away the abuse that went on in that household. 

Lowe Porter’s parents talked about how lovely he had been, how bright and hardworking. They got into an argument with their older son when he protested that Lowe hadn’t worked hard a day in his life and was only average. Lilith left the room and the bickering family didn’t notice. 

After five awkward minutes of Lilith staring at a wall, a Peacekeeper explained that Breanna Holden had burned her entire family alive six months before and been taken to a prison, only released for the Reaping.  _ So she was sent to die in the Hunger Games _ was left unsaid. 

The train skipped right over District 11. Lilith was being weaned off of the drugs by then on the promise that she wouldn’t do anything drastic with her family around (which led to two nights of shivers and retching), and could clearly understand how little hope there was in District 12. 

Speaking of drugs, it seemed that addiction ran in Grayson Willis’ family. After five minutes of blank stares being directed at her, Lilith left the room.

Hailey Bird’s father was covered in coal just like the other adults in the crowd, and his two young daughters followed him like sheep, with wide, scared eyes. Kieran Bird said that he was disgusted with how Hailey’s talents had been wasted that year and how she had failed in all of his expectations. Lilith felt pity for Greta and Opal Bird, who would probably end up in the Games as well.

Then,  _ finally _ , it was time to go home. The familiar cornfields of District 11 flashed by, and then the train pulled up into Graintown. The gathered crowd greeted Lilith with ear-piercing cheers, but she only cared about the four figures under the large picture of her face, across the square. Predictably, Kite’s family was absent. They were most likely dead, a fact that dampened Lilith’s joy.

“I am honored to have been a part of this event and will remember them my entire life,” Lilith finished. Seeder squeezed her on the shoulder as she turned away from the screaming crowd.

“They’re cheering for you. The least you can do is acknowledge them,” Seeder hissed in the young Victor’s ear. Lilith faced the people with a brilliant, fake smile, waving for as long as she could stand it. 

It took ten long minutes in a back room before the door creaked open. Lilith dropped to her knees, tears of joy spilling out of her eyes, as Ursula and Nathan rushed her. She gathered her siblings up in her arms, breathing in their scents, finally reunited. 


	19. Chapter 19

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lilith reunites with her family, settles into Victors’ Village, and explains a few things to her mother.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: mention of mental health issues, implied/referenced underage rape/non-con

_“You’re back! Why did you leave? I heard that you were on TV and won a bunch of money. Is that true?” Ursula bounced in Lilith’s arms, brown eyes sparkling with excitement._ The twins both had the same chestnut-dark skin and straight black hair, with their father’s softer, rounder form. Neither of them would go to fat like he had, eating all of the family’s food and drinking away their money. 

But that wasn’t important right now. Lilith hugged the toddlers tight, enjoying their presence, truly happy for the first time in months. As soon as she let go, a tall, lanky, brown-haired boy tackled her. Brandon was too emotional to even be able to sign, so he just sobbed into his sister. She broke off after a few minutes and looked into her brother’s eyes, the same color as hers. 

How could you just leave without a note? I was left alone on the afternoon shift, and Mom had to work so much more! How did you end up in the North for the Hunger Games? Brandon was gritting his teeth in frustration and pain as he signed. Never fucking do that again!

Lilith rubbed her brother’s back as he began to hyperventilate, the sign of a meltdown. He was sharp and clear-minded but would get upset easily, totally losing control of his emotions when he did so. He was also one-minded and hated change. There was probably a word for what he had, and maybe he could be helped now that Lilith was a Victor.

Jay Hardy stood stiffly in the middle of the room, gaze steely as she stared at her children. Ursula was rubbing Brandon’s hand and Nathan was watching with wide eyes. 

Eventually, Brandon calmed down and let Lilith go. I’m glad you’re back, he signed.

I didn’t want to leave you. Lilith stood and approached her mother, suddenly shy of the judgment in the woman’s eyes. “Hello, Jay. Have my earnings gotten to 11 yet?” She signed as she spoke, a habit that had been hard to hide during training and the Games. 

“Yes. We have a new house now, as well,” Jay replied. “I hope that you will explain all of this later?”

“Of course. Maybe in a more private place.” Lilith stepped forward hesitantly. She and her mother hadn’t been affectionate in years, so she was surprised when Jay threw her arms around the Victor. The hug ended when the Peacekeeper cleared his throat.

“Miss Hardy, there is a truck waiting to take you and your family to Victors’ Village. We are on a schedule here.”

“Let’s go, then. Ursula, leave him alone! Let me hold you for a few more minutes.” Lilith picked up the little girl and led Nathan out of the room by the hand. They were in a towerlike structure that was moved around every Victory Tour to show the faces of the (usually deceased) District 11 tributes and house their families. A large truck waited at the bottom of a long flight of stairs. Seeder threw open the door, helping Jay and then Brandon enter the vehicle. Lilith placed the twins into an armored seat before climbing in herself and closing the door behind her. Killian greeted her with a wave and clicked Nathan into a seatbelt. 

“You’re old,” Nathan told Killian bluntly. Lilith opened her mouth to rebuke him, but the male Victor spoke first, amusement in his usually humorless gaze. 

“Oh really? How old do you think I am?”

“I think that you’re fifty!” Ursula chimed in. “You won the 46th Games at fifteen, so that makes you... thirty! That’s ancient!”

“That’s good math, honey,” Jay said, “but I’m older than he is. I’m thirty-two! Am I old, do you think?”

“Yeah! So is Lilith. And Brandon,” Nathan said matter-of-factly (signing along for Brandon’s benefit as the entire family did).

Killian looked at Lilith. “Your sister is very smart. Jay, did you really have Lilith at fifteen?”

“Yes. It’s why her father and I got married,” Jay said shortly. There was an awkward silence before Ursula spoke again, directing her words at Seeder.

“And she’s forty-seven! She’s so old, she’s practically a skeleton!”

Lilith, Seeder, Killian, and Jay snorted in laughter. Seeder had a head of short, curly gray hair, yes, but was still fit and had plenty of muscle. She looked to be in her late thirties as opposed to mid-forties. Killian, meanwhile, was built with muscle and seemed five years younger than he was. 

The rest of the truck ride passed by happily. The truck stopped at an intricately woven gold gate that marked the entrance to Victors’ Village. There was one in the North, but only Chaff lived there. Both Seeder and Killian were from the West and had chosen to stay. The houses were tiny and plain by Capitol standards but seemed like heaven to Lilith, who wanted out of the literal shack the family had been living in but didn’t want a mansion. 

It was early evening, and the sun was just beginning to set. The orange light cast shadows from the leafy trees as Lilith, Seeder, Killian, Jay, Brandon, Ursula, and Nathan walked down the gravel path. Seeder pointed out the occupied houses as they passed. 

“That one is mine,” she said, gesturing to a squat dwelling painted with a lovely shade of forest green. Killian lived in a silver house that had only one or two windows, a block away from the Hardys’ new place, which was painted the same pale green color as the unoccupied houses. 

Lilith led the way into the front yard. There was a cobblestone path and three empty garden plots. The grass was cut to two even inches- a team of Avox workers must live in the area. 

“We have already moved in, and your supplies came last week. You have many books,” Jay told her daughter. “And clothes. We were given wardrobes as well.”

“Good. So you’ve been eating?” Lilith asked. “You all seem well-fed.”

The market is remarkably full of food when you have money to spend, Brandon signed with a wry grin. It’s great. You haven’t been eating, though.

“The food in the Capitol was too rich,” Lilith said in explanation. Jay just sighed and Seeder shook her head. 

Jay pulled off a cheesy pasta dish in half an hour, aware that Ursula and Nathan needed to go to bed by 20:00, and it was already 18:45. Lilith used the time to look around the house, noting with pleasure that the furniture was simple and well-made, and that all of the books from her apartment were placed in an orderly fashion on shelves in her room (with a light blue queen-sized bed and fireplace). The house had electric lighting, something Brandon couldn’t get over.

I love this! He signed with one hand, grinning madly, flipping the switch in his room on and off with the other. Lilith laughed and pulled him away; it was time for dinner. After the fulfilling meal, Brandon carted Ursula and Nathan off to bed, exhausted from the travel, and Seeder excused herself as well.

Killian led Jay and Lilith into a small office on the third floor. “This room is safe. You can do and say what you like, I’ll edit the footage. I will teach both of you how later.”

Jay turned on her daughter, suddenly shouting. “How dare you just leave with no notice? Did you think that a _note_ would help matters? I cannot calm Brandon down, and Ursula’s been a little bitch without you! She has too much energy for me to handle. I have had to take on three work shifts! And you! You killed fifteen children! What the fuck, Lilith?!”

Lilith blinked at her mother’s anger, then took a deep breath. “I’m really sorry. Mr. Early showed up and gave me ten minutes to pack. They said that all I could do was leave a note, and couldn’t be in contact. They- they took kids from each region and trained us to try to get a Victor- a memorable one. Our families’ lives were held in the balance. Kite and I were chosen, and I decided to be as dominant as possible. I- I haven’t been doing well, and- I regret killing those kids, but it was worth it for you.” She couldn’t stand any longer and sunk into a rolling chair, chest heaving with emotion, tears of desperation threatening to spill out. 

“She’s been suicidal and almost murdered a Peacekeeper. It’s trauma and I don’t believe that she poses a threat to you or your other children, but she absolutely cannot have access to knives,” Killian told Jay, who gasped but nodded. 

“I would not trust anyone else with my children. The Capitol may not want to help you, Lilith, but I will.” The tall woman smiled at her daughter. Lilith felt gratefulness rush through her, and she began to sob, able to let out the emotions of the Tour. Killian left somewhat awkwardly. 

Jay comforted Lilith until the girl’s sobs ceased. “Now, Killian says that you have introductory information on the rebellion?”

Lilith nodded, exhausted but energized at the thought of fighting back. “Yeah. Thumb drive in my watch. But... can we look at it later? I really do need to sleep. It’s wonderful to see you again. It was all I wanted during the Games.”

“The Games are not over. They will not be until this regime is over,” Jay said firmly. “You have a place in this fight. You just need to find it.”

Lilith crept into Ursula and Nathan’s bed and curled up with them, falling asleep almost immediately and dreaming of Snow’s downfall and the end of the Hunger Games.

  
  



	20. Known Characters: 61st Games

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I’ll make lists of known Victors, living and dead, after every Games that I focus on. It will grow immensely when Lilith becomes a mentor. I’ll also include known Capitol and District citizens. Credit to Iomhar for this idea. I won’t mention the unnamed family members of tributes, and all of the Capitol/District citizens are currently alive.

**Victors**

10th Hunger Games: Lucy Gray Baird- 12 F- Unknown

11th Hunger Games: Mags Flanagan- 4 F- Living

30th Hunger Games: Seeder Howell- 11 F- Living

33rd Hunger Games: Beetee Latier- 3 M- Living

37th Hunger Games: Faydra Naismith- 1 F- Living

39th Hunger Games: Maulus Naismith- 1 M- Living

40th Hunger Games: Wiress Langston- 3 F- Living

45th Hunger Games: Chaff Mitchel- 11 M- Living

46th Hunger Games: Killian Haze- 11 M- Living

48th Hunger Games: Chandler Justice- 8 M- Living

50th Hunger Games: Haymitch Abernathy- 12 M- Living

51st Hunger Games: Marlon Johnson- 8 M- Living

53rd Hunger Games: Bree Pine- 10 F- Living

54th Hunger Games: Janet Opal- 5 F- Living

56th Hunger Games: Nicholas Rockwell- 2 M- Living

57th Hunger Games: Hayden Lucky- 5 M- Unknown

58th Hunger Games: Nolan Veeria- 1 M- Living

60th Hunger Games: Mira Riverwill- 2 F- Living

61st Hunger Games: Lilith Hardy- 11 F- Living

**Capitol Citizens**

Jillian Richardson- businesswoman and gossiper

Howard Dustin- taxi driver for Lilith Hardy

Janice Dustin- Howard’s daughter

Mycenae Dustin- Howard’s daughter

Rafael Dustin- Howard’s son

Gina Dustin- Howard’s wife

Bernie Buskin- businessman

John- Avox

Nina- Avox

Yolanda- Avox

Coriolanus Snow- President

Ceasar Flickerman- interviewer

Kayla Jolson- head Gamemaker

Tatiana Butterfly- prep team for District 11

Melon Butterfly- prep team for District 11

Avery Butterfly- prep team for District 11

Garius Willowshine- stylist for District 11

Carson Gradient- teacher for Victors at the University

**District Citizens**

Frederick Early- head Peacekeeper for District 11 West region

Helga, Willie, Everly Wylde- District 1

Harlan Gustin- District 1

Gina Wire- District 3

Tide, Shell Waters- District 4

George Everett- District 6 mayor

Rachel Justice- District 8

Kieran, Greta, Opal Bird- District 12

Jay, Brandon, Ursula, Nathan Hardy- District 11

Piter, Carson, Oliver Riverwill- District 1


	21. Chapter 20

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lilith and Jay use the thumb drive, then deal with education for the family. Lilith talks to Mila, meets a few family members, and learns something new about her parents’ past. She and Brandon bond.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: mentioned character death, homophobia, light cursing

_ Surprisingly enough, Lilith only slept six hours. It was the schedule that she had followed before the whole Games mess, and what her body reverted to now.  _ Ursula and Nathan, meanwhile, remained sound asleep. Lilith took a few minutes to just take them in. Ursula breaths came in little, adorable puffs, and her delicate eyelids fluttered with dreams that Lilith hoped were free from pain. Nathan was a slow, calm sleeper, and he had a pleased smile. Their physical differences were clear in this moment; the dawn light coming through the window revealed lighter spots in Ursula’s dark brown hair, while Nathan had a head of crow-black locks. Brandon was the palest of the family, and the twins shared Lilith’s deep skin tone. They had baby features still, and the most fat of the family, due to getting most of the food. 

The light glinted off the silvery surface of Lilith’s watch, reminding her of its interior. She slipped out of bed and headed to her room for fresh clothing- she hadn’t changed out of her outfit from the day before. While there, she got the chance to smell herself and decided to take a shower as well. 

Jay was awake and met her now-clean daughter in the hallway. “Shall we?” They headed for the office, where Lilith tapped the watch. It opened with a little click, revealing a bent metallic object. The Victor opened up the encrypted computer and inserted the thumb drive into it, watching as the screen announced that the information was loading. A serious, silvery-blonde haired woman appeared onscreen. Her gray background gave nothing away about her location.

“Greetings. My name is Alma Coin, and I am the president of District 13.” Jay gasped and Lilith jerked back in shock. She had suspected it, yes, because of a Mockingjay that appeared in the corner of every annual report in the rubble of the rebellious District, but to hear it in words was something else. “My District survived sixty-one years ago in an underground bunker. We are the nuclear District, so we can protect against our own weapons. We have been preparing for many, many years, building our strength and creating a string of allies that will execute the final plan. A Victor from District 11 is probably no stranger to this, but the Capitol’s rule is tyrannic and harsh. We have had deep roots in 11 because of a former Victor: the 10th, Lucy Gray Baird. She had to flee District 12 and made a new life for herself, as Wendy Breeze.”

“No way,” Lilith breathed. It made sense, though; what other woman would live as long as Mrs. Breeze had and known as much as she had? 

Coin’s face didn’t change, as she was a recording and clearly a stern, professional woman. “It is shocking but true. The leader of the rebellion at the time managed to contact her and tasked her to teach the youth. She served us well for many decades and spoke highly of your tactical skills and overall intelligence, miss Hardy. That is the highest recommendation she could give. I see a future for you in the Second Rebellion. I would like to meet you sometime this year. It will take much planning and discretion, but it will be done. My people will be in contact. There is currently an illness going around District 13, so any plan won’t be off the ground for a time, but we will defeat this tyranny. That is all for now. Be alert for further communication, clear the computer, and destroy this thumb drive.” The video cut off, leaving Lilith and Jay staring blankly at the screen. 

“Holy shit,” Jay cursed.

“What the  _ fuck _ .” Lilith’s brain tried to process the information that had just been presented. Mrs. Breeze was Lucy Gray. Lucy Gray, who had almost convinced a young Coriolanus Snow to abandon the Capitol and into the arms of the rebellion. But Snow being the power-hungry psychopath that he was, he had instead driven her away, away from the Covey, her family, leaving them to die at the hands of Peacekeepers just months after her disappearance. 

After another minute of stunned silence, Jay snapped out of it. “All right! It is time to move. How do you clear this computer?” 

Lilith was spurred into action and told herself to act normal as she smashed the thumb drive and reset the computer’s memory. Then, Brandon was standing at the door, signaling his hunger, and the twins woke with happy squeals.

Jay made eggs, bacon and waffles, more food than the family had eaten in a day before Lilith’s victory. That was clearly on her mind, because she brought it up, ever the active woman.

“I am thinking of using one of these empty houses as a soup kitchen and shelter. There are so many indigents whose lives would be significantly bettered with just a fraction of what we now have,” Jay, a taller version of her oldest daughter, said as they ate the delicious meal. “I have the time now that I quit my work shifts, and the children can help.”

Lilith inclined her head. It was a risky proposition, but Jay was a sharp, intelligent woman who would never do anything to hurt her children, particularly the younger ones. She would be careful and frame it in a way to not piss off the Peacekeepers or government. “I like that idea. I will help as well, in between classes, and I would like to train my body as well.”

Classes? How? There are no schools in 11, Brandon signed with a small frown.

“The University in the Capitol offers classses to Victors. I’m sure that classes for you and the twins could be arranged, maybe even for Jay,” Lilith replied.

Jay tensed. She hadn’t been able to get even a basic education as the oldest of six siblings (four of whom died before adulthood) in a poor family. Despite this, she was smart as a whip and had taught herself math and history from Lilith’s work. There were no schools in the area for the other children, and even if Ursula and Nathan could attend classes, Brandon’s condition was a challenge that had to be kept secret and was hard to deal with. 

“No pressure, of course,” Lilith continued. “I will call to sign at least Ursula and Nathan up today. They can build up an educational base.”

“I would like to learn,” Jay said softly. Her voice strengthened to its usual brisk steeliness as she spoke. “The Capitol has more than enough people and resources, and Brandon deserves a chance, no matter his hearing or... moods. I’ll sign us all up. When are your lessons, Lilith? We should all do them at the same time.”

The girl blinked. “Carson- my teacher- and I decided to wait until I got home. I suggested mid-morning.”

It was remarkably easy to get the whole family signed up at the University. There was a teacher that specialized in deaf students, one that taught adults, and one for young children. Lilith supposed that other Victors took the education option and had families that also wanted it as well. All of the lessons would be from 10:00 to noon every weekday, and homework could be completed digitally or printed out. Lilith was developing a real respect for the workers at the University for their discretion (they agreed not to speak of Brandon’s specialized lessons) and adaptability.

The message from Coin energized Lilith to action. She visited Killian, whose peak physical condition showed that he had a training routine, and asked him about workout options.

“I find that exercise clears my head,” she explained.

Killian grinned, showing perfect, shining teeth. “Me, too! Seeder converted one of the empty houses into a gym decades ago, with all the machines that you could ask for. There are also plenty of running trails around here, if you’re fine with workers awkwardly staring at you as they work hard and you’re living in luxury. But hey! You can also order athletic gear. Mila got some for you, in your sizes, along with shoes. They should be in your closet.”

Lilith had to admit that being a Victor had its advantages. She had access to the Capitol’s splendor and practically unlimited resources in her home, and didn’t have to work half the day for basically nothing. 

She wasn’t ready to face the public yet, so she stayed in the house when her family headed out to the market that afternoon. Her issues with Mila had been put into perspective by the Victory Tour, so she called the other Victor on her computer (this time in her bedroom, which was most certainly watched by the Capitol). 

Mila picked up the call, grinning madly. In the background, a young boy jumped up and down on her gold-colored bed. “Hey! Sorry about Pietr. He’s just annoying. How are you? It feels like it’s been a while since we’ve seen each other.”

“It does. The Victory Tour threw off my sense of time. Oddly enough, it felt short. Anyway. I’m doing pretty good, being back with the family is helping... matters. I only returned yesterday.”

“Where are they now?” Mila asked. A bronze-haired woman came into the picture, calling for the boy. She spotted Lilith onscreen and came over. Mila gave her an irritated look before introducing her. “Lilith, meet my mother, Helena. Mom, you know about Lilith.”

“My daughter won’t shut up about you,” Helena said with an amused look at Mila, who was giving her a look that said  _ really, Mom _ ? “I was impressed by your performance, Lilith, but also your gracefulness in accepting Mila as a friend after she killed 11’s tributes last year.”

“I didn’t know Rachelle and Bertie. I killed her tribute. She has more reason to be upset at me,” Lilith pointed out.

“Quartz wasn’t up to your standard. And in the Hunger Games, that’s fatal.” Mila smiled bitterly before changing the subject. “You haven’t answered my question. Is your family around?”

“Yes, we are,” Jay said. She stood in the doorway, soaking wet, with an empty basket on her hip and a guarded look. “Rain drove us inside. Who is this, Lilith?”

“Mila Riverwill and her mother. Mila and I became friends in the Capitol- she actually picked out my closet.” Lilith watched, tension building in her shoulders as Jay exchanged greetings with Mila and Helena. Ursula and Nathan arrived, greeting their sister with energetic words and dominating the virtual conversation. Once it was over, Jay dropped her polite facade and turned on Lilith.

“You’re friends with Mila Riverwill? She killed Bertie and Rachelle! She’s a Career!”

“I’ve killed six more tributes than her. I acted like a Career and took out her tribute along the way. I am no better. Look, Jay, I like her. She’s been really helpful and helped me through some shit- sorry, stuff. I will continue speaking with her whether you like it or not.”

Jay’s gaze bore into Lilith. “Fine. You make good points. My worry, Lilith, is that you will get  _ too  _ attached to her and end up like your father.”

Lilith drew back, shock and anger flashing through her. “ _ What _ ?” 

Jay continued, ignoring her daugher’s distress. “He fell in love with my brother Xavier, as ridiculous as that sounds, like a man could ever love a man like a woman. He got into drinking after his lover’s death and that was when the beatings began. Don’t let this beautiful girl charm you into sin.” With that, the woman walked out.

Lilith stared after her mother, hardly noticing when Brandon came up to her. He had understood everything because both women signed automatically as they spoke. She was roused out of her shock by his soothing hands on her shoulders, and found that she was sitting on her bed now.

Why can’t anything go right for me? She signed bitterly. 

I never expected that out of her, Brandon replied. He was having a good day, when he was clear-headed and didn’t shut the whole world out.  Do you like her like that? Love her?

No. I think that she’s gorgeous and kind and wonderful, but I’ve only known her for a short time. I might love her eventually. Lilith was crying as she signed, silently as always.  I can’t tell Jay.

No. Brandon seemed to steel himself, straightening his shoulders. He looked older than his fourteen years in moments like this.  I realized not too long ago that I like boys, if it makes you feel any better. We’re in this together.

Lilith put her arms around Brandon, glad that at least somebody had her back. 


	22. Chapter 21

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Six months pass. I’m not super happy with this chapter but at least I got it out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: mentions of self-harm, eating disorders, homophobia

_The next six months passed by relatively quickly as Lilith fell into a daily routine. She began her day with a run in the surrounding woods at dawn_. She ran everywhere but the fields, not willing to face the life she had once lived just yet. Three times a week, she did a workout routine from one of the many training books that Seeder had stocked the gym with. She either practiced fighting or weaponry (because the gym had those too) the other days, and eventually figured out that she had to take a break from exercise once a week. The exercise centered her, making her willing to eat the meals that Jay carefully parceled out for her. It had a generally calming effect. 

Classes went well; Lilith soaked up information like a sponge and got along quite well with Carson, who was amiable and funny. Some of what he taught, particularly the history, was bullshit, but it at least had a grain of truth to it. Lilith was fascinated by the history of the Hunger Games, particularly the early Victors. Carson assigned her to watch and analyze the first fifteen Games. Luckily, there were versions that only lasted an hour, and she had a month to complete it. She had plenty of other things to do, like her math, science, and writing work as well as taking care of her siblings. 

The First Games had lasted only a few hours. The Arena had been a decrepit, fenced-in old city park, and the twenty-four tributes had just hacked at each other with knives until District 1’s Thea Gorse had been crowned Victor. There were no sponsor gifts or mutts for those Games.

The next three Games were the same; Everett Wilson from 5 won the 2nd, Tre Fahlson from 11 (their first Victor, who had committed suicide before the 35th Games) won the 3rd, and District 8’s Kieran Palpatine won the 4th. Then there was a string of District 1 and 2 victories (Callie Glitter from 1, Hammer Pound from 2, then Sharon and Quirrel Gayer from 1), as their tributes started training before the Games. District 4 joined the Career pack with the brutal 9th Victor (with 8 kills), Wave Smith. Then it was Lucy Gray, though this edited version took her out almost completely and had her die early, also removing her songs and shenanigans with a young President Snow from the tape. It did include a narrative on the death of a mentor- a student at the Academy like all the others- at the hands of her tribute and an explosion that had killed a few other tributes and three mentors. All of this was before the Games even began.

The 10th Hunger Games, even with Lucy Gray’s uniqueness removed, had been special. Mentors were introduced for the first time, along with Caesar Flickerman’s grandfather as the host, pre-Games interviews, and sponsor gifts. It had changed the game completely. The tape presented Reaper Branch from District 11 as the winner, even making a post-Games interview with him. In reality, Lucy Gray had poisoned him. So 11 only had six Victors in its history, despite having many tributes make it to the final two. 

Mags became the 11th Victor with 5 kills; she had been the first to betray her alliance and stab them in the back at the end. Over the next Games, technology slowly improved, the Arenas changed environments, and mutts became deadlier and more creative. The Victors flashed by in a blur; mostly Careers, a few from the other Districts excepting 10, 11, and 12. Woof Casino from 8, an old but kind man that Lilith had met at her birthday gala, won the 17th Games through mostly brute strength, setting the kill record at 9 in a dry, arid plain. Finally, in the 27th Games, Greer Everly from 10 claimed victory with a historic 10 kills. It was beaten the next year when 7’s Rachel Powellen axed 11 tributes. Then a Career, Sandy Swirl from 4, won in a total set-up (the Arena was quite literally an ocean). 

Seeder’s Arena had been a wide plain with poisonous plants. Seeder managed to grab a backpack and a knife in the Bloodbath and spent the majority of her time collecting plants and avoiding other tributes, only appearing to sabotage the Careers’ supplies, stupidly stockpiled and unguarded, causing them to turn on each other. The group had been unintelligent and distrustful in general that year. When it was just her and the boys from 1, 9, and 12, she had made her move with a poisoned blade. She had starved but won in four days. 

Lilith’s notes were just analytical enough to please Carson but not dangerous; for example, she said nothing about the editing of the 10th Games or the training of the Career pack. She loved her lessons because of the information she gained and the confidence that went with it, both history-wise and in other subjects. 

Watching past Games tended to trigger nightmares that even a sleeping pill couldn’t stop. She woke in cold sweats those nights, reaching for a nail file to run up and down her wrists (the prosthetic could cause her pain, which Lilith found extremely unsettling). Self-harm wasn’t a healthy coping mechanism, of course, but Lilith didn’t want to rely on Jay after her homophobic rant. The Victor had checked with locals about the verity of Jay’s claim about her father, and it was true. Even so, that didn’t justify total rejection of homosexuality. 

So Jay wasn’t an option. Lilith confided in Seeder and Killian some, but they lived in separate houses, and just talking was not working. She still needed to make herself hurt for relief from guilt and nightmares. 

Jay got along well with Seeder. The two women had similar childhoods and views of the world. Seeder helped set up the shelter/soup kitchen, driven by the same sympathy for the poor as Jay. It was immediately successful and many people came, gratefully taking the food, clothes, and shelter. They liked Seeder especially for her kind, unassuming manner and knew that Jay had been one of them just months before.

Lilith helped there sometimes, but not enough to Jay’s liking. They constantly fought over how she spent her days; Jay seemed to think that her daughter didn’t do enough with her time.

“I do not understand why you are not helping Seeder and I out,” Jay sighed one morning as Ursula and Nathan slurped down oatmeal and Brandon watched. “You have plenty of time outside of lessons.”

“Do I?” Lilith challenged. “I have to constantly stop working to help the twins out, and Brandon requires assistance with schoolwork too. You haven’t helped me at all with his meltdowns since I came back. And besides that, you should spend time with your son. I understand that your work is important, and I am willing to take on what I have gladly, but you can’t expect me to do everything. If you want extra hands, Killian has time and is willing to help.”

Jay waved the suggestion away. “He spends time with- with his _boyfriend_ , that miserable old man. I refuse to accept the help of a homosexual murderer.”

Lilith was tempted to point out that she herself was a homosexual murderess and that Killian had been together with Jacob (who was thirty-seven, not particularly old) for a decade. They lived together in Victors’ Village and found no trouble with the government as long as Killian still visited with Capitolites and acted the charming, sexy Victor when necessary. Jacob was a soft-spoken man that hated publicity anyway, so it worked out.

Jay and Lilith fought and maintained a fragile truce for the rest of the time. They hadn’t had a loving relationship for years, and now it was hardly amicable. But the children were the priority, so they held it together. 

Ursula and Nathan seemed oblivious to any tension and remained themselves while Brandon was really making an effort to control his meltdowns. His teacher, Missie Raymond, was a wonderful woman who managed to be an instructor and therapist at the same time. Brandon learned slower than his hearing siblings but didn’t seem to mind and was beginning to make progress on his social skills. He was painfully shy outside of the family. 

The twins were the glue that held the Hardys together. Ursula was brilliant, learning to read in two weeks and picking up basic math like it was nothing. Nathan learned at a more reasonable pace and was calmer than his sister, staying put while she constantly bounced around. Lilith had to help both of them focus, interrupting her own sessions, a task that she actually enjoyed. The rest of the day, the twins played at the shelter/soup kitchen and helped hand out toys to poor children. 

Lilith talked with Mila almost every day. The 60th Victor was thriving back in District 2, spending time with her family and many friends. She introduced the rest of her family; her brother Carson was indeed a bright kid, her father Jason had his hands full with mischievous Pietr and hyperaggressive Oliver, and Lilith was surprised to learn that her grandfather Grant Shade was the 18th Victor. The old man seemed a tad unbalanced but was great to talk to about Capitol life in his time and old Gamemakers. 

As the months passed, Lilith became convinced that Mila was perfect. She had a privileged background compared to Lilith’s but also woke up every night in a cold sweat, dreaming of her Games, and missed her sister, who had basically been erased from the family record.

“If you go the the Games in this family, you have to win. My father was passed up for volunteering by his two brothers, both of whom died. They’re never mentioned- basically, I only have one aunt now. And Janice... well, she almost made it back. We never really got along, but I wouldn’t have wished for her to be erased,” Mila said on a protected call, tears shining in her eyes. 

Not to mention that Mila ate what she liked and never gained weight. Lilith avoided added sugars and overly fatty foods and only ate two full meals a day but still tipped the scales at a hundred pounds. She needed to be lighter but didn’t know how to be. Mila could tell when her girlfriend felt off and comforted her, another plus. In short, Lilith Hardy was in love with Mila Riverwill.

Overall, Lilith was content with life in District 11. She was doing pretty well for being in the Hunger Games. 


	23. Chapter 22

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lilith has dinner with Killian and Jacob.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: homophobic language, homophobia, implied/referenced rape/non-con, self-harm, PTSD, mention of bipolar disorder brought on by trauma, mental health issues

_Lilith was finishing her run one morning, six months after the Games, when Killian joined her suddenly. It was early January and freezing, so they both had long sleeves, though Killian’s shirt was rather skintight._ “Hey,” he panted. “What- slow down! You’re running very fast.”

Lilith gave him a disbelieving look. “I’m jogging. This is the end of my run. My little siblings went this pace yesterday with me. I thought that you ran too!”

“I lift weights and I use the rowing machine,” Killian said defensively. “Anyway, I was wondering if you wanted to come over to my house for dinner tonight. You haven’t really gotten the chance to meet Jacob and we haven’t seen each other much since the Games. Just you, not the family.”

Lilith shrugged. “Jay has a special dinner at the shelter tonight and my siblings are going to be helping her- well, Brandon is- anyway. What time?” They agreed on 19:00 and parted ways. Lilith ducked into the house and took a shower, preparing for the rest of her day. She ate a quick bowl of oatmeal with Brandon before diving into science work (the biology of mutts, which she was absolutely fascinated by). 

Her lesson that day was interrupted ten times by Ursula, who was fussy and wanted attention that day. “Lilith!” The little girl marched into her sister’s room, pouting, her arms crossed. “I don’t wanna learn.”

“Honey, you have to. I lost an arm so you could learn to read with a real teacher,” Lilith told her sister. She had always been brutally honest with her young siblings; kids picked up a lot of what went on and Lilith felt that it was better to be open with information. “I don’t want to learn every day, either, but I do it anyway. Besides, you don’t have to on weekends.”

Carson was silently laughing onscreen at the irritated look on Lilith’s face. He had two young children himself and understood the struggles that went with them. Ursula’s lip trembled and she began to wail, bringing Jay running into the room. 

“Why are you crying?” She demanded. “Your siblings and I are in lessons, and so are you. Lilith, what did you say?”

“I told her to suck it up for another, oh, half an hour,” the Victor shot back.

“That’s mean! You’re mean!” Ursula wailed. She was in total meltdown mode, rolling around and lashing out at Lilith with her strong little legs. Nathan watched mutely from the door, eyes wide. 

Jay sighed. “Lilith, calm her down. I am busy at the moment.” She left, leading Nathan away by the hand. Lilith threw her hands up in frustration.

 _Oh, you’re busy. What about me?_ She shook her head and turned to Carson. “We will have to continue this tomorrow. I’m sorry.”

“No, the family comes first,” Carson said sympathetically. “I’ll send you practice and you can make up the content through the textbook. Have fun! My baby is crying now. I gotta go deal with that.” He ended the call, leaving Lilith to deal with Ursula. After almost an hour of wailing, the little girl tired and fell silent.

Lilith was in a bad mood for the rest of the day, mostly staying in her room and talking to Mila. Brandon visited for a bit before going to prepare the shelter for that night.

Have fun , Lilith told him, already opening her computer again.

You need to tell Mom that you’re not going , Brandon replied with a worried look. 

She expects me to come? Shit, thanks for telling me. Lilith shut her computer and left the room, heading to where Jay was dressing Ursula and Nathan in their winter coats.

“There you are! Come on, it’s time to go,” Jay called.

“I won’t be coming. I have dinner with Killian and Jacob tonight,” Lilith said. Jay’s face darkened, and she practically jerked Nathan’s boot onto his foot. 

“This is more important. Besides, those two are a bad influence. Now get ready.” Mother and daughter faced off for a moment. Lilith channeled her inner Victor and steeled herself for a full-on argument. “Fine. I’m disappointed, though. You obviously prefer consorting with fags over giving back to the people.” Brandon’s mouth dropped open; he’d read his mother’s lips. 

Lilith had to immediately leave the scene before she attacked Jay. She raced into the bedroom, slamming the door, fury taking over. When she came back to herself, her sheets were torn on the floor and her pillow was split open. Blood dripped onto feathers from Lilith’s wrist, which had a long, thin cut on it.

Lilith took a few moments to figure out what had happened. She’d had some sort of panic attack/rage and maimed her bed as well as scratched a wound into her real wrist. The teenager stood, breaths still coming in short gasps, and knew that she had to clean up. There were plenty of extra pillows and sheets in the closet, but the blood was an issue. Lilith securely bandaged her wrist, washed her hands, made the bed, and then spent an hour hand-scrubbing the bloodstain out of the lovely carpet. The physicality of it helped calm her.

Now that she’d had her breakdown, it was time to get ready for dinner. Lilith chose to wear a long-sleeved turtleneck red dress that slimmed her waist and went down well past her knees. She wore gray fleece boots with a protective waterproof covering. She hadn’t touched tight or revealing clothes in months; there would be enough of that in the Capitol.

It was snowing hard that evening, and Jacob greeted Lilith with a smile and a steaming cup of tea. He was a tall man with light brown skin and almost reddish hair, fit and wiry, clearly a serious runner. The house looked much the same as the Hardys’, but the walls were all a lovely purple-blue color instead of light golden. The smell coming from the kitchen made Lilith’s stomach rumble in sudden hunger.

“What’s for dinner?” Killian asked, waltzing in the room. He looked stunningly handsome in a dark suit, in contrast to his partner’s white one. 

Jacob grinned. “Your favorite- tofu with couscous. Lilith, I hope you like spice.”

Dinner was served soon enough; squares of tofu covered in a speckled red sauce paired with a mixture of couscous, raisins, and slivered almonds. It was delicious and conversation came easily.

“So. How did you two meet?” Lilith asked in between her first few bites.

Killian was by far more talkative than Jacob and replied eagerly. In the comfort of his home, he relaxed and could drop his aloof persona, though his obvious trauma never fully left his gaze and he was an odd person in general, shifting between high and low moods constantly. “During the Victory Tour! My District partner Io was his younger sister. I thought that the family would think that I failed her, but it was the opposite. They all thanked me for getting revenge, though Io’s twin was clearly afraid of me.”

Jacob’s smile was bittersweet. “Yeah, Jack was not too thrilled to be there. But I wanted a chance to show my appreciation to the boy that cared for my sister so much that he killed for it. We connected with each other and kept contact after that.”

“Though I was still only fifteen, so we waited three years to start dating,” Killian said. “By then, Jacob was twenty-five and his parents were pushing him to get married and have children. They weren’t the most accepting people in the world.”

Lilith snorted at that. “You should hear what my mother said about you two today. She would go berserk if I told her that I was visiting with women in the Capitol.”

“Oh, I’m fully aware that Jay ignores my existence,” Jacob said dryly. “Have you told her _anything_ about your visits? Does she even know about them?”

“No, and she never will,” Lilith said firmly. Even if she hadn’t been fighting with Jay, some things were better left unsaid. “Anyway, please continue your story.”

“Yeah! So, we dated quietly for a year before coming out to his parents. They didn’t react well at all.” Killian placed a hand on Jacob’s shoulder as his partner flinched at the memory. “You see, he was already involved with a woman who loved him very much.”

“Were you two engaged?” Lilith could see that talking about this was hard for Jacob, but sometimes she couldn’t hold back her need for information. 

Jacob answered this time. “No, but Sheila really wanted us to be. I had and have nothing against her; she was a kind, legitimate woman who I considered a friend. Being married to her would have been fine, but I didn’t want to live my life denying my sexuality. I was also madly in love with Killian and wanted to be able to be with him.”

“So he ended things with Sheila, who appeared to take it well at the time, and said that it was a mutual split. Then, two weeks later, she told his parents why they had really broken up.” Killian took over when his partner couldn’t go on, too overcome with memories. “All hell broke loose then. They basically shut him off from the neighborhood and got him fired from his work. I let him move in here and got him a job as a writer on District 11 news for a Capitol newspaper.”

“My sister Gaia is in contact with me. She’s straight, married with two kids, but has always been supportive. She lets me know family happenings. I even got to attend my father’s funeral briefly.” It had cost Jacob to tell the story, so Lilith changed the subject to something lighter.

“Thank you for telling me. I have to say, this dish is delicious! How did you learn to cook so well?”

“Culinary school at the Capitol. Killian had to be there for a few years early on in our relationship and I chose to go with him. It was good to get away and easy to just pose as a close friend. I enjoyed my time there and got a real education.” Jacob brightened, though the entire table knew why Killian had been required to be at the Capitol (although he had also attended University as well as visited with sponsors). 

Killian seemed so stable here in his home, with his partner. He didn’t have any of the manic episodes that made Jay think he was crazy and talked about tough subjects normally, even casually mentioning his family’s deaths. It was clear to Lilith that they had been killed by the government for something he had done slightly wrong, for six people, most of them adults living separately from each other, didn’t just all end up freezing to death in the cold together. 

Lilith felt comfortable enough to eat the chocolate mousse that Jacob had made, promising to work it off the next morning. She was about to excuse herself when things got interesting. 

“It’s only 21:00. I want to give you a tour of the house!” Killian said as he blocked her path to the door. Lilith raised an eyebrow but nodded, playing along as the couple showed her their domain. It was basically the same as Seeder’s and her family’s houses, which Killian and Jacob most certainly knew by then. 

She realized what was going on when Jacob led her into their safe room and gestured for her to sit down. “All right. This will look suspicious if we take too long, and Killian can only edit the feed too much, so just open the computer.” 

Lilith did so and jerked back in shock when she saw President Alma Coin on a video call. “Miss Hardy? Good to finally meet you.”


	24. Chapter 23

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lilith’s conversation with President Snow and her preparation for another Games.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: self-harm, eating disorders, mention of abuse/alcoholism/rape/non-con, sickness, past death

_ President Alma Coin studiously ignored Lilith’s shock and continued speaking. “Sorry for the surprise, but this is risky, you see.  _ I didn’t want to risk getting caught.”

Lilith blinked, telling herself to get it together. “No, that would not be good. Thank you for speaking with me! I have been looking forward to it.”

That wasn’t a lie; she had wanted to ask President Coin questions. She wasn’t willing to trust a politician just yet.

President Coin smiled tightly. “Well, Mr. Haze and Mr. Nelson have given you rave reviews as a strategist. I wanted to see you for myself.”

Lilith looked at Jacob, who met her challenge with a firm nod.  _ This is your game now. _ She turned back to the screen. “So, I heard that there is a sickness going around District 13?”

Coin nodded gravely. “Smallpox. It has grave consequences on our population and capability. We have lost some of our top tacticians to the disease, so I have been contacting new blood. The Capitol will not let a curable disease ravage its Victors, so you are safe from sickness.”

“Right. Do anything else, but do not die,” Lilith said dryly. 

“You understand how this works already. Good! Now, I had some questions. How would you describe your education with Lucy Gray?”

“The best that she could do. I learned quite a bit about pre-First Rebellion history, her Hunger Games, and basic maths. Most importantly, she taught me to reason for myself and doubt what the Capitol says.”

“Good. That last part was the goal. You can get maths education at the University, it is hard to corrupt that information.”

“Agreed. I am grateful to her even more now that I am a Victor and have a greater understanding of how the Capitol works.” Lilith could see that President Coin had just lost someone close to her; her eyes kept getting a glaze of distraction and grief over them, though her voice remained professional even when talking about smallpox. 

“In the file that I have on you, it mentions information on your mother and siblings but nothing much on your father except that he died almost six years ago. Can you fill in the gaps for me?”

Lilith narrowed her eyes. Coin was upset that she had mentioned smallpox right away so she was striking back with a question that she knew would hit a nerve. “His name was Scythe Hardy, as you most likely know. He and my mother married when he was nineteen and she was fifteen- she was pregnant because he had forced himself on her. His parents insisted that he marry and offer her protection. It was the least he could do, they said. Well, after the execution of my uncle and his lover Xavier, he began to seriously drink. He became abusive to my mother and I, and eventually my brother as well. He died of a heart attack when Jay was expecting the twins. Does that answer your question?”

Coin had been scratching down notes. “Yes, quite helpful. What do you mean by ‘abusive?’”

“As in, he hit us, tried to control my actions, took all of the family’s money for drinks, and verbally degraded my brother. Brandon is deaf and mentally unstable, as your file probably says.” Lilith kept her voice steady and unemotional. 

“Your brother has what was called Autism,” Coin said. “The Capitol actually does a decent job of treating it. Anyway, thank you for the clarification. In the file, it says that you began to act manically, harmful to yourself and others, after the Hunger Games. This is not out of the ordinary. Has this behavior continued?”

Lilith figured that Coin could watch her anyway, so she went with the truth. “Some of it. I have trouble controlling my temper and self-harm, though I do not have the tools to really damage myself. Since my siblings are around, I have no desire to hurt others.”

Coin nodded coolly. “That’s fine. I wouldn’t expect you to be totally stable after the Hunger Games. So, tell me about you and your mother’s relationship. You called her Jay, not Mom or even Mother, earlier. Why is that?”

So Coin was trying to read her. Well, Lilith could put up walls just fine. “She and I didn’t see each other much before the Games because of work, and she cannot understand what I have been through or why I killed that many tributes. It was to save the family, by the way. We fight some now, but keep it together.”

“Hm.” Coin changed topics but would most likely be paying attention to Jay and Lilith’s relationship now. The teenager vowed to make more of an effort to avoid arguments. “I am a little unclear on the details of your pre-Games training. What happened? According to Mr. Haze, he was told that a girl and a boy had been taken from each region of District 11 and that it was his, Ms. Howell’s, and Mr. Mitchel’s job to train them.”

“Four Peacekeepers showed up to my house one night and gave me ten minutes to pack before we had to leave. They made it clear that if I showed any sign of protest, my family would be killed. The only way they would be able to live was if I won the Hunger Games in a noteworthy fashion. I was taken to Governor Heavensbee’s mansion and trained by Killian and Seeder- Chaff was drunk most of the time- with seven others, my District partner Kite among them, and got chosen as tribute. Kite and I were Reaped and carted off to the Capitol. You’ve seen the rest.”

“You have no idea how many favors Mr. Haze pulled for you. The medicine? The maze? The ridged Cornucopia?” Coin was most certainly goading Lilith to a reaction now.

The Victor only inclined her head mildly, noticing how Jacob grimaced. “I had to pay some of it off. Does your file say anything about visits with Capitol citizens?”

“Oh, yes. Quite a few of them, all in a one-month period. I notice that Jillian Richardson was your first visit. I have heard horror stories about her.”

“All true, I’m sure.” Lilith’s composure had crumbled at the mention of Jillian, the feeling of hard fingers pressing into her body rushing back for a moment. “But not all of them were terrible.”

Coin pursed her thin lips. “All right. Let us get down to business. I will be giving you a test run. Mr. Haze and Mr. Nelson are your rebel liaisons and will be passing you information in the next two or three years. You are charged with making a plan to infiltrate the lower levels of the government. If my analysists’ review says that is is feasible, it will be executed.”

“Sounds fair.” 

“Then I must bid you goodbye. I have urgent matters to attend to.” Coin abruptly ended the call. Lilith stared at the blank screen before turning to look at Jacob.

“Why the fuck didn’t you warn me? There had to be some sort of signal that the Capitol can’t read.” 

Jacob put his hands up. “Hey, President Coin asked us to surprise you and we did. Speaking of secret codes, Killian and I will teach you one tonight so we can communicate not in here. You know sign language, right. Of course you do. Also, Killian is going to teach you how to make the safe room feed seem mundane.”

“He’s shown me. I do it at home now,” Lilith replied. It was quite simple if you knew basic coding (a skill that Carson had taught her). The program to change feed and audio to varied mundane images and conversations was already in place on all of the Capitol-given tech. 

The code mostly used sign language, because apparently, no one in the Capitol bothered to learn it. “It’s the language of the Avoxes. Why would they waste the time on it?” Killian said in a sharp, sarcastic tone. 

Two open hands with fingers wiggling back and forth (“fire”) meant that there was a minor emergency. If the hands moved in up and down, it was an immediate threat. 

Two closed hands opening up from the forehead meant “information is coming.” “Death” meant that the report involved dying or the plan had to include someone being killed. “Beautiful” meant that there was good news. Lilith got the signs right away but had to work on keeping her face neutral; she didn’t want to be too obvious. There were many, many more, and Lilith vowed to memorize and practice them. She was excited to begin planning, even if what she came up with wouldn’t ever be used. It was a stern in the right direction.

She was about to leave, as it was quite late, but Jacob stopped her with a tight grip on her real wrist. She couldn’t help but give a grimace of pain. “When did you do this?” Jacob demanded.

“This afternoon. Jay said something really offensive and I got angry. It was myself or her. Look, I’m not about to drown myself in a lake. This is a coping mechanism.”

“See? She gets it!” Killian exclaimed from the kitchen. “Jacob, I’ve told you, self-harm is normal. At least she hasn’t stabbed anybody else.”

“That isn’t convincing at  _ all _ ,” Jacob told his partner disbelievingly. “Lilith, I need you to come over here once a week and talk to me about your issues. No arguing or avoiding it.”

Lilith was tired and just wanted to go to sleep, so she agreed. And as time passed, those sessions with Jacob proved to be a huge help. Her nightmares were still severe and kept her up at night but she had a place to discuss them and dissect them, and Jacob was an empathetic and observant therapist. He also helped her figure out how to deal with Jay in a way that she didn’t give up anything but get along with her mother. It really improved their relationship, especially when Lilith began coming to the shelter/soup kitchen a few nights a week. Jay even offered to try to connect with Brandon and deal with the twins’ shenanigans more.

Nothing could keep back the urges to hurt herself, however, as any kind of stress seemed to trigger them. Lilith was also feeling guilty about the food she ate and didn’t tell Jacob; she knew that she was right. She needed to be thin and couldn’t afford to gain weight. As the next Hunger Games approached, Lilith began to dream about being in the Arena, fighting for her life and killing others, again. 

And the time was coming. The months seemed to fly by as Brandon grew eight inches, towering over the rest of the family. Ursula and Nathan were beginning to look like real humans, losing their baby fat. Seeder had fallen in love with the children and came over almost every day, a huge relief to Lilith and Jay because she was perfectly happy to help them with lessons. 

She was putting together the vestiges of a plan from the little that Killian and Jacob gave her to work with. All she concretely knew was that they would need someone from the inside, and soon. The rest would come together eventually. 

Lilith got an e-mail summoning her to the Capitol the day before the Reaping.

_ Dear Miss Lilith Hardy, _

_ You along with Mr. Killian Haze will be the mentors for District 11 during the 62nd Hunger Games. Transportation from Victors’ Village to Peach County, in the South, will be provided. A train will take you to the Capitol from there. You will mentor the female tribute this year. A reminder that first-year mentors cannot bring along their families, as they must be able to focus solely on their tributes.  _

_ May the odds ever be in your favor, _

_ Viola Highdragon, Head of Hunger Games Communications for Panem _

Lilith said an emotional goodbye to her siblings after a long day of packing and exercise. Ursula clung to her, sobbing, and Brandon couldn’t sign for how devastated he was to see his sister leave. “But I wanna have a birthday party with you!” Nathan cried. “It didn’t happen last year and you promised that it would this year!”

“I’m sorry,” Lilith told him, tears shining in her eyes. “We can have one as soon as I get back. I love you, all right? All of you.” She nodded at Jay as she entered the truck that the Peacekeepers had sent for her and Killian (and Jacob, who was free to come along). Seeder was there as well, waving sadly at Ursula and Nathan from the truck window.

“Are you ready for your first time mentoring?” Killian asked Lilith.

“Ready as I’ll ever be.” Lilith stared out the window, ready for another round in Hell.


	25. Chapter 24

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lilith meets her tribute.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: violence, death, grief

_District 11 looked the same as it had the year before. Orchards just beginning to fruit flashed by, workers toiling away, with occasional towns and wheat fields breaking up the monotony._ Lilith got bored of the sights and tuned into the others’ conversation soon enough.

“This Reaping is going to be different from last year’s,” Killian said. “We knew who the tributes were and that they had a chance. My guess is that this year will be a Career year. Probably bloody, too.”

“How do I mentor? I really should have asked before the day of, but here we are,” Lilith said. She had been preoccupied and forgotten to ask about the coming year in a massive oversight that would probably kick her in the ass later.

“First off- and this is the most important point I’ll make- never let your fear for the tribute show, even if they’re hopeless. Or if they do have a hope of success. Low confidence is deadly in the Arena,” Seeder said with a serious look. “I mentored a pair of twelve-year-olds my first year rather horribly. I let them know right away that they didn’t have a chance, and felt terrible when both were killed in the Bloodbath. I would have felt less guilty if I had tried harder.”

“I’m just an asshole.” Killian shrugged. “I give decent advice but push tributes away. My first year was awkward because my tribute was older than me- he was seventeen and I was sixteen. That was really strained. He actually made it pretty far.”

“I will have to find my style,” Lilith mused. “Do you guys have more concrete advice?”

“Oh, yes. I’ve been to enough Games,” Jacob said eagerly. “Keep your tributes’ spirits up and focus on what they’re good at. Frankly, no one lives to twelve in this District if they’re totally untalented. Working with scythes in the orchards is weapons experience. There are good runners out there- look at you, the fastest of your year with no prior training.”

The advice came quickly after that. Lilith pulled out a notebook and wrote it down to remember it all:

_Advise tribute to make alliances with others at or below their skill level_

_Weapons training is key even if a tribute has somehow worked with a few before. They need to have a handle on them, the Careers be damned_

_Most District 11 tributes will know how to make a fire or build a shelter- basic survival skills_

_Learn to work with differing personalities_

_Pay attention to and analyze all of the other tributes each year- the Careers might have particularly strong or weak links and there are always outliers_

_The Games are interesting to watch in general, no matter which tribute wins_

The act of writing soothed Lilith’s nerves as the truck rumbled into Peach County. It was like all the rest of District 11 except for its single town (which neither the West or the East had), a miserable place with decrepit buildings and thin, wretched people up until the town square. The houses there had been spruced up and actually looked livable. A large crowd of children was gathered in the sweltering late summer heat, blinking into the sunlight. They all wore worn brown clothing and the majority had bare feet.

“The poorest region,” Jacob said quietly as the truck halted behind the Reaping stage. He was ushered away by a Peacekeeper as the Victors walked onstage, where a line of umbrellas and water bottles waited for them. Lilith wore cropped shorts and a tank top mostly because of the heat but also to keep up her sexy image. Killian’s t-shirt was rather tight, she noticed.

Ilinican stood onstage, outshining Mayor Heavensbee with his sleek silver catsuit that had to be sweltering. His heavily manicured smile was as bright and sarcastic as ever, however. He greeted the Victors vigorously. “Here are my favorite people! Isn’t it a lovely day out? Oh, Lilith, you’re striking in that outfit. Let me take you to your seat.”

Lilith winced at the outstreatched hand, not wanting to be helped to her seat on live television, aware that all of the cameras onstage were focused on her. “That won’t be necessary, thank you.”

“Oh, I insist!” Ilinican’s grin somehow grew with repressed strain, so Lilith took his arm.

“Well then. That’s very gentlemanly of you,” she said, adding a girlish giggle for effect. It seemed to relax the escort ever so slightly.

Ilinican waltzed away once the Victors were seated. “Welcome, welcome, to the Reaping of the 62nd Hunger Games! Mayor Heavensbee will start us off as always.”

Lilith zoned out the mayor’s cookie cutter speech and came back to attention when Ilinican spoke again. Only then did she notice that Chaff, looking sober and not too happy about it, also sat under the umbrellas. “Now, let’s let the Reaping begin. We did ladies first last year, and that seemed to bring us luck, so let’s do that again! All right. Your female tribute is...” he spread the syllable out, dancing over to the tribute bowl, and pulled out a name. “Maple Barnum!”

A cry sounded from the seventeen-year-old’s section. It didn’t come from Maple, a black-skinned girl who clearly hadn’t had a proper meal in her life, but from her older sister (they looked exactly alike). Maple herself had tears streaking down her face as she walked up to the stage. Lilith sucked in a breath; so this is what a hopeless tribute looked like.

“Oh, wonderful!” Ilinican said in an entirely unenthusiastic tone. “Hello, Maple. Who’s that over there? Your sister?” He asked, pointing to the girl that was now trying to force her way up to the stage, screaming curses and sobbing. Lilith tensed when a Peacekeeper signaled for the cameras to turn off.

“Y-yes. Her name is Naomi,” Maple managed to stutter. 

A gunshot rang out, and Naomi’s screams abruptly stopped. Lilith’s eyes widened, and Seeder’s gasp was lost in the crowd’s screams. Killian only sighed and Chaff reached for a flask in his back pocket. Maple began to cry harder, shaking now. 

“Well. Naomi is dead, just like you will be in a week,” Ilinican snarled. Peacekeepers fired their guns into the air to regain order and the crowd eventually fell silent. Naomi’s body was dragged away before the cameras turned back on. The escort turned to them, his smile back in place. “Sorry about that! A little power outage. Now for the boys! Your male tribute is Shale Morey.”

A stunned-looking thirteen-year old stumbled out of the crowd. He put up no fight and shook the sobbing Maple’s hand rather lamely. 

“The tributes for District 11 in the 62nd Hunger Games! May the odds ever be in your favor!” Ilinican cried. The cameras shut off, and he stalked offstage, sending a last disgusted look back at Maple. The girl was about to jump at the nearest Peacekeeper, but Lilith swooped in, holding her back.

“Let me go!” Maple yelled. “They killed-”

“If you do anything drastic now, you’ll end up just like Naomi,” Lilith hissed in Maple’s ear. “You’re in the Hunger Games now, girl.”

Maple deflated after that, turning away from Lilith and following a Peacekeeper away. Killian signaled for Lilith to head to the train with the other Victors. 

“That was interesting,” Seeder said mildly. Lilith gave her a disbeliving look but didn’t respond.

Chaff snorted. “Eh. Hopeless, as usual. I’m gonna pull an Ilinican and disappear.” He entered a different car from the other three, taking a long drink of alcohol as he did so. 

Lilith spent an hour in her room and changed into more comfortable clothing. She headed for the dining car once the train started moving again. Maple sat at the table, eyes puffy and red, while Shale was practically inhaling food. If Ilinican were there, he would have been disgusted, but Seeder, Killian, and Lilith understood his hunger.

“Careful. Capitol food is much richer than District 11 food,” Lilith told him. “Eat all you want, but know that it might come back up later.”

Shale murmured something through a bite. He swallowed and then tried again. “Fair enough. So, what’s your mentor advice for us?”

“Well, do you want it together or separate?” Killian asked.

“Together,” Shale said. “No reason not to. What do you think, Maple?”

“Sure.” Maple’s voice was barely audible.

“Great! First off, what are you good at?” Lilith said with more pep than she used with Ursula and Nathan.

“I can climb,” Shale said. “I work in the orchards. I’m an alright runner. I haven’t used weapons before, though, and I can’t lift much weight.”

“If you work in the orchards, you’ve used a scythe, which is a weapon.” Killian’s tone was brisk and professional, so that gave Lilith room to be the sympathetic mentor. She softened her expression and smiled at Shale.

“I- I have weapon experience, then,” Maple managed. “I can also climb and run. I chase my little siblings around all the time.”

“Oh, I know all about that!” Lilith laughed. “My little siblings keep me busy as well.”

Maple only sniffed in response. Lilith sighed. “My guess is that you’ve watched my Hunger Games. I promise you that I’m no monster and that I will try my best to help you.”

“All right. It’s just- you killed so many people, and seemed to enjoy it, and- it scares me,” Maple told Lilith. “I-I’ll try to work with you. It’s just been a really long day.”

“Why don’t you go to bed?” Lilith said kindly. “I can take notes on the other tributes for you and rate them from 1-10 on a threat level. How does that sound?”

“Good. And I want you to honestly rate me,” Maple said with a strength that surprised Lilith. “Don’t hold back. If you want me to trust you, be honest.”

“Sure. Have a nice sleep.” Lilith watched Maple leave the table, having eaten nothing. Shale looked to the Victor.

“Can you do the same for me? I’ll watch the Reapings, but you probably have a better handle on the threat level of tributes.”

“You both might have a chance,” Killian chuckled. Shale beamed.

“If you’re done, the Reapings are on,” Seeder said, speaking for the first time. 

Lilith vowed to try her hardest to give Maple a chance of survival. Hope was the least she could give the poor doomed girl. 


	26. Chapter 25

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lilith’s note to Maple.
> 
> Credit to Iomhar for the basic idea of notes. They will mostly be in Lilith’s hand, not the Gamemakers’.

_Two hours later, Lilith slipped a piece of paper under Maple’s door. She had gotten an e-mail from Jillian’s secretary inviting her over the next night. So the visits would begin again._

The note read:

_D1M- Paulson Dahrk, 18, Volunteer_

_Tall, strong, swordfighter. Vicious look in his eyes._

_Threat level 8/10_

_D1F- Tatiana Opal, 17, Volunteer_

_Slim, muscled, doesn’t seem particularly intelligent, probably a knife thrower._

_Threat level 7/10_

_D2M- Peter Rockwell, 17, Volunteer_

_Heavy but made of muscle. Classic Career thug, most likely club user. Brother of last year’s Norman._

_Threat level 8/10_

_D2F- Enobaria Ovaline, 18, Volunteer_

_Not the strongest Career but eyes like a fox. Has a wiry strength, look of a killer._

_Threat level 10/10_

_D3M- Tre Frye, 14, Reaped_

_Small and scrawny. Starving._

_Threat level 1/10 (possible ally)_

_D3F- Amelie Ray, 12, Reaped_

_Tiny and mouselike. Neither D3 tributes seem overly intelligent._

_Threat level 2/10 (possible ally)_

_D4M- Oyster Turpin, 16, Volunteer_

_Big and strong, but muscle makeup indicates proficiency in various weapons_

_Threat level 9/10_

_D4F- Rachel Evans, 17, Volunteer_

_Strong and confident. Performer (popular with crowd), spear user._

_Threat level 7/10_

_D5M- Zachary Skye, 15, Reaped_

_Relatively strong but terrified._

_Threat level 4/10 (suggested ally)_

_D5F- Delilah Mercury, 16, Reaped_

_Clearly ill. Coughed a lot._

_Threat level 1/10 (possible ally)_

_D6M- George Whittier, 18, Reaped_

_Angry, tall, reckless. Looks like a natural athlete, well-fed_

_Threat level 6/10- wild card_

_D6F- Vivian Apple, 14, Reaped_

_Shaking with fear. Delicate and has a limp._

_Threat level 2/10 (possible ally)_

_D7M- Axel Harp, 17, Reaped_

_Axe thrower, strong, sultry._

_Threat level 7/10_

_D7F- Everly Martin, 13, Reaped_

_Some muscle, showed determination and courage._

_Threat level 6/10_

_D8M- Fabian Pizzolo, 13, Reaped_

_Scrawny, cried when his name was called._

_Threat level 2/10 (possible ally)_

_D8F- Ilana Adela, 14, Reaped_

_Held it together but no muscle whatsoever. Seems dull._

_Threat level 2/10 (possible ally)_

_D9M- Johnathan Nice, 12, Reaped_

_Terrified, had to be dragged onstage._

_Threat level 1/10 (possible ally)_

_D9F- Harlan Truth, 17, Reaped_

_Totally confident, aloof, has strength and intelligent look_

_Threat level 6/10_

_D10M- Freedom Victor, 16, Reaped_

_Going to lose from his name alone. Scrawny._

_Threat level 0/10 (do not ally with him)_

_D10F- Fiona Quill, 15, Reaped_

_Blank-eyed; an addict of some sort_

_Threat level (1/10)_

_D11M- Shale Morey, 13, Reaped_

_Small, climber, not too much muscle. Confident and survivor’s attitude._

_Threat level 4/10 (suggested ally)_

_D11F- Maple Barnum, 14, Reaped_

_Broke down at Reaping but had reasons. Climber, runner, not strong but willing to try to survive._

_Threat level 2/10_

_D12M- Omar Adams, 12, Reaped_

_Tiny and terrified. Cried when name called._

_Threat level 1/10 (possible ally)_

_D12F- Greta Bird, 13, Reaped_

_Wiry, fox-like, surprisingly strong. Sister of last year’s Hailey._

_Threat level 5/10 (suggested ally, though unlikely)_

_Training: go to weapons stations, plant station, ropes stations, keep a low profile. Stick with Shale and make an alliance with some other tributes. DO NOT get attention of Careers- they’ll be targeting you because of last year. Try your hardest to learn all you can._

_You will be subject to your stylist and prep team tomorrow before the Tribute Parade. Go along with them. Garius is pretty loud and ignorant- so are the prep sisters. Hold your tongue._

_-Lilith_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, Delilah Mercury is named after Freddie Mercury’s cat. I’m a big Queen fan so I couldn’t help myself.


	27. Chapter 26

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The gym and the Tribute Parade.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: eating disorders, language

_The prep team took the tributes right after breakfast, leaving Lilith with a few free hours. She and Killian headed to the gym, which was a small-ish building just across from the tribute training center._ There was a well-stocked café on the first floor, and the gym itself took up all of the second. Lilith was overwhelmed with how many machines and weights there were, but Killian directed her towards a room with treadmills. 

“Here you go. I’ll be over at the serious weights,” he said before heading to where Nolan Veeria and Nicholas Rockwell were working out.

“Lilith!” A voice cried. Mila stooped in the doorway, grinning widely. Lilith’s world slowed, and she fell head over heels in love again. 

“Hi!” Lilith tensed slightly as Mila hugged her, then relaxed and threw her arms around the other girl. “How have you been?” 

“We talked two days ago, you know how I’ve been,” Mila laughed. “It’s great to see you in the flesh! Are you a mentor this year?”

“Yeah. Might as well start right away, right? Besides, Seeder deserves a break. What about you?” 

“Nah. But Nolan, who’s a good friend of mine, asked me to be here. And I wouldn’t miss seeing you for anything,” Mila replied, eyeing Lilith in her relatively tight workout clothes.

Lilith reddened and coughed before hastily changing the subject. “So. I’m going on a treadmill. What are you doing?”

“On the bike. District 2 has wonderful biking trails, especially around Victors’ Village, so I’ve gotten to really like it.”

“Nice. There are beautiful woods with running trails around my new home.” Lilith smiled and headed for a treadmill, setting it on an incline. As she began to run at a light pace, chatting with Mila, a young man with a rat’s face spoke in a nasally tone. 

“Why are you jogging? That’s not real exercise.” Hayden Lucky, winner of the 57th Hunger Games, mocked. Lilith stared at him with a raised eyebrow and Mila just sighed.

“This is an easy run. I’m not jogging but I’m certainly not running hard,” Lilith responded mildly, wondering if Hayden was trying to play mind games. 

“Huh. I just got done with a hard ten-miler. Ya know, trying to keep thin,” Hayden said arrogantly, clearly inferring that Lilith was fat. 

He’d hit an insecurity, but Lilith was much too proud to admit it. “It seems to be working.”

“You’re inane. Those answers are inane,” Hayden accused. His insults were losing their venom quickly because he seemed so desperate for them to be effective. He wasn’t playing mind games; he was pathetically trying to upstage Lilith for some unknown reason. 

“Are you done?” Snapped Mila. “Because we were having a perfectly pleasant conversation before you butted in.”

“Yeah. I hope you like your stupid jogging, Murderess,” Hayden growled as he stalked away. Lilith could only laugh.

“He definitely didn’t run before this,” she snorted. “He was wearing jeans and has no muscle whatsoever.”

“He likes to hang around and insult other Victors. You’ll get used to it,” Mila said lightly. “So, how are your little siblings doing? I heard that they were in school now.”

“Yes, they deserve a normal-ish education,” Lilith said. “Ursula is really hardheaded. I mean, she will have a screaming fit over anything. You should have seen her wail over my leaving! I was almost glad to go. Nathan was crying, but she was throwing things and causing a racket.”

“Pietr was like that. Still is. Carson was a little angel.” Lilith found it hilarious how much Mila favored Carson over her other brothers. Pietr was charming if quite mischievous, much less selfish than Mila made him out to be. Although maybe that was just what he wanted Lilith to see. 

“How are District 2’s tributes looking this year?” Lilith asked once the conversation on siblings was over. 

“Great! Nick somehow got permission to mentor his brother, though that isn’t usual. Peter seems like a solid, strong kid. Enobaria, meanwhile... she’s ready to go. She scares me, honestly. Hayley Washington is mentoring her and I’m happy about that. How about District 11’s kids?”

“Maple is... a little distressed and weak, but she has an outside chance of winning,” Lilith said honestly. She trusted that Mila wouldn’t spread this information. “Shale, meanwhile, is pretty solid for a 13-year-old from 11.”

Mila seemed to accept that answer. “Cool! Do you want to go to the weights now? There’s a great workout I want to show you.”

Nolan was much more friendly towards Lilith than last year, chatting with her about Capitol life. Nicholas had an air of worry in his eyes, probably over Peter, but he was still pleasant. Killian, meanwhile, had them all cracking up with laughter. He told stories of meeting with Capitol citizens and lippy tributes, somehow making them all seem hilarious. It was a side of Killian that Lilith hadn’t seen before and enjoyed immensely, even if it was just for show.

Too soon, the mentors were called for the Tribute Parade. Mila had to go separately from Lilith (who had brought a pair of nicer clothes with her), and Killian chose to as well, so she was left to call Howard. He pulled up two minutes later.

“Hey, Lilith! Long time no see,” Howard said cheerfully. “Off to the parade grounds?”

“Yes. It’s nice to see you! How is your family doing?” Lilith asked him, careful to not seem too familiar with the man. 

“Oh, wonderful! A handful, but I’m not complaining,” Howard grinned fondly. “And yours?”

“Thriving,” Lilith said dryly. “Oh, we’re already here?”

“It’s close! See you later.” Lilith left the car with a wave and entered the large stadium that housed the Tribute Parade. She managed to merge with the crowd, quickly becoming lost and overwhelmed at the mass of people. A plump woman, with a large head of blonde hair and a heavily made up face, noticed her distress and stopped to help.

“Are you lost, sweetie?” She asked. Her equally plump husband looked back, irritated.

“Um... yes. Could you tell me where the mentors’ entrance is?” Lilith asked. The woman giggled. 

“Oh, do you want to get an autograph? I think that old Mags Flanagan just arrived.”

“Glinda!” The man hissed. “Don’t be an idiot. This is last year’s winner! So sorry for my wife’s confusion. My name is Herbert Jacobite and that fool is Glinda. I suppose that this is your first time mentoring?”

“Yes, sir,” Lilith said respectfully. Glinda gasped and pulled away in sudden fear.

“The Victors’ entrance is near the left of the tiered wall,” Herbert told her. “Do you need an escort, doll?”

“No, I should be fine, thank you.” Lilith turned away and slipped through the crowd to the door clearly marked **Victor Entrance** \- but not before she heard Glinda’s exclamation.

“Oh, dear! I thought that the Murderess would seem more... bloodthirsty.” 

The Peacekeeper on duty let her through immediately, and she found her tributes quickly. Garius had taken District 11’s theme literally and dressed Maple and Shale as peaches. Gigantic, bright pink peaches.

“Oh _no_ . He did _not._ You two look more ridiculous than District 7!” Lilith said through her laughter. District 7’s tributes were trees, as usual, and seemed relieved that other tributes had worse costumes than them. 

Maple pouted. “So much for being a supportive mentor.”

Lilith made a real effort to pull herself together, but was still giggling a minute later. Her amusement made Killian crack up, followed a moment later by Seeder. Shale joined in, then eventually Maple. The moment ended when District 1’s chariot began to move, and Killian rushed to help Maple and Shale on. 

Funny as it was, the costumes were just another nail in Maple and Shale’s coffin. District 1 shone in their sheer lightning-decorated white costumes, and Enobaria upstaged Peter in a flattering but also glittering golden dress. District 4 also stood out with revealing sea-green mermaid costumes; Rachel had a tail. The other stylists had either gone for totally forgettable or totally ridiculous. The crowd burst into laughter at the peach costumes, and an amused smile appeared on President Snow’s face. 

_Phsychotic fucking murderous asshole,_ Lilith thought as she stared up at Snow. _You should have run away with Lucy Gray like she wanted you to._

“Miss Hardy!” A young woman ran up to her, shoving a microphone in her face. “How do you expect to get sponsors after your tribute’s performance at the Reaping and now the parade?”

“Hey!” Killian protested, moving in between the woman and Lilith. “Reporters aren’t allowed back here! Lilith and I will be at an interview tomorrow afternoon. Ask your questions then. Now _leave_ before I call security!”

The reporter backed away, nodding. “Yes, sir. Thank you, sir!” She darted away through a side exit before the Peacekeepers could spot her.

Lilith looked at Killian, disbelieving. “There’s an interview _tomorrow_?”

“Yeah, sorry we didn’t tell you,” Seeder said apologetically. “We’ll prepare you for it. Killian’s busy tonight, so do you want to have dinner with me in my apartment? It would be nice to spend some time together.”

“Yeah, it would be,” Lilith grumbled. “But I’m busy too tonight. I’ll have dinner early and then leave.” 

Seeder’s face pinched with understanding. “Oh, I see. No problem. Maybe tomorrow night?”

“That sounds great!” Lilith said. 

Maple was too quiet on the way back to the tribute center. She and Shale had been able to change out of their costumes into normal clothing, and while he was animated, she only stared out of the window. Lilith followed her carefully as she went to her room and burst into tears. The little girl saw her mentor and hugged the Victor, sobbing.

“I’m dead! Dead, Lilith!” She cried.

Lilith wrapped her arms around Maple. “You need to try to live. Be smart and _try_ , you hear me?” She spent the rest of the afternoon with her tribute, calming her down and eventually putting her to an early bed.

It was time to go to Jillian Richardson.


	28. Chapter 27

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lilith visits with Jillian then goes to an interview

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: rape/non-con, underage sex, drugged sex, PTSD, suicide attempt, trauma

_Lilith appeared from her room wearing shorts and a t-shirt to cover her lingerie along with sandals. Killian and Seeder sat with Shale at the table and looked up at the girl’s entrance._

“Where are you headed to?” Shale asked eagerly when he saw that Lilith was wearing sandals.

“To pay off some debts,” Lilith said lightly. “Nothing huge, but I’ll be gone tonight. Do you know what to do in training?”

“Head for survival stations, keep away from the Careers, still work on weapons,” Shale rattled off. “Killian said that the Careers will be targeting Maple and I. Why is that?”

“Because she was so dominant last year,” Killian said. “I mean, the Careers just ganged up on my tribute the year after my victory.”

Shale’s face paled. “So- so I’m doomed?”

“Not if you play it smart and stay out of their way,” Lilith told him. “The same goes for Maple. All right, I have to go, but have a nice night. I will be back before you head off to training tomorrow.” Killian stood with her, clearing his throat awkwardly, and Lilith noticed that he wore a tight outfit. Of course; he’d said that he was busy tonight earlier that day. 

“I’m heading out too. Sponsorships to get.” He waved goodbye and slipped out of the room, following Lilith. 

“Who are you visiting?” Lilith asked as the Victors went down in the elevator.

“Buskin. He’s a potential sponsor; tends to go for the underdogs. He supported little Hailey last year, though I tried to get him to support you.”

“I was too dominant, I guess.” Lilith shrugged. “I’m going to Jillian’s. It will be interesting.”

Killian winced sympathetically but didn’t say anything. They parted at the door, where Howard was waiting expectantly. “I know you didn’t call me. Mrs. Richardson did,” he said to Lilith.

The Victor was suddenly aware of the total lack of privacy in the Capitol. How the hell did Jillian Richardson know her taxi driver? He had never mentioned that he drove her, and he would certainly have stories about it with such an interesting character. She needed to be more careful with her words from now on.

The drive was much too short. Lilith clambered out of the taxi, literally shaking with nervousness. The same Avox met her at the door, and silently led her through the stunning mansion. They passed an ancient statue of a horse in motion, in great condition; the _Mona Lisa_ , a famous and rare painting that Lilith had read about; and a full wall of original, most likely banned volumes predating Panem. Such richness, owned by such a monster.

Jillian had changed the type of jewels for the curtain leading to her bedroom. She wore a skintight golden catsuit and looked somehow younger. Lilith focused on her appearance over the simpering, predatory look in her eyes and the way her hands slipped under the girl’s shirt almost as soon as she was in arm’s reach.

“Oh, dear girl!” Jillian cried. “You are still a minor, correct?”

“I’m eighteen in a week,” Lilith said, glad that she wasn’t expected to speak much during these visits.

“Wonderful! Still so young. You’ve been taking care of yourself! Much stronger- and thinner! Keep it up. Stay away from fattening foods. You know, you should try this diet I’ve been on- come on, honey, I want to talk before bed- this diet that’s made me lose twenty pounds!” 

As Jillian rattled on, Lilith became more and more uncomfortable. The woman was subtly slipping off her clothes as she spoke, her eyes roving over the teenager’s body. She moved suddenly after twenty minutes of talk on one diet, jabbing a needle into Lilith’s neck. Her smile turned sickly sweet.

“That’s enough chatter, I think. I’m ready for some action! Zip my my suit down the back, and be slow about it.”

Mycanthrophen wasn’t a mind control drug. Lilith was still compelled to follow commands, but only to the extent that she knew how. She couldn’t just do a gymnastics routine if Jillian told her to. The dose must have been strong; the last time, she’d been able to fight it. She grimaced inside as her hands opened up the back of Jillian’s catsuit and the woman sighed in pleasure. “Oh, you can _touch_ me! I want you to.”

Lilith began to rub Jillian’s shoulders, not knowing what else to do. “Come on, girl! Do I have to tell you what to do? Well, first off, you can explore with your hands! Like I do. Try it!” The teen slid her grip down to Jillian’s fake-feeling breasts, rubbing them firmly. It was one of the only sexual moves that she knew.

Jillian sighed loudly. “That’s more like it! Now, this is how tonight is going to work. I will show you or tell you a sexual move and then you will join in. Let’s start! It’ll be fun.”

That night was one of the least “fun” of Lilith’s life (along with all of the past and future nights with Jillian). She had to focus on the information that spilled out of Jillian; the woman couldn’t seem to close her mouth. Her role as a gossiper gave her access to intel on the Hunger Games that was incredibly valuable. Despite the pain from physical activity and the hard press of Jillian’s grip, Lilith forced her brain to repeat the information over and over until it was memorized.

After twelve hours, Jillian let Lilith leave. The teenager, bleeding from several places (including a deep cut from Jillian’s long nails in her neck), rushed the goodbye and burst out of the mansion before throwing up in an alley; luckily, she’d chosen a side exit. Disgust for herself and Jillian and the Capitol and the Hunger Games, but mostly herself, came out in a shrill screech. She had to duck behind a trash can as a curious neighbor stuck his head around the corner.

Howard pulled up ten minutes later and immediately jumped out to help Lilith, who was sitting in bedraggled clothing, eyes red and covered in hickeys, on the curb in the shadows. “What happened? Did somebody attack you? I’ll call the Peacekeepers.”

“No!” Lilith held a hand out to stop him from calling. “Use your brain, please. There’s nothing you can do except drive me to Garius Willowshine’s studio.”

Howard nodded, his face darkening with understanding. “Why there?”

“I can’t go to an interview looking like this. Garius is supposed to be the stylist for 11, isn’t he?” Lilith knew that she was being harsh, but it wasn’t too long until the interview and she needed to get ready. 

“Yes, of course. Let me help you in.” Howard escorted Lilith to the taxi and drove her in a sympathetic silence to a huge rainbow mansion that just _screamed_ of Garius (not to mention that his name was spelled in gigantic letters in four places). Lilith called him during the ten-minute ride.

“Hello! I didn’t think that you would come to me now that young Mila’s taken over your fashion, miss Murderess,” Garius said to begin. Lilith winced.

“Please just call me Lilith. And I do not accept that as a nickname. How do you know about Mila’s talent?”

“She’s been training with me, of course!” Garius cried joyfully. “Wonderful girl. Anyway, what did you need?” Lilith was tempted to snark about the peach costumes, but didn’t want to rick pissing Garius off. 

“I need you to give me a makeover. I had... a busy night and have a few... markings as a consquence. I also need new clothes. I’ll be eternally grateful for your help.”

“Oh, of course, dear! I’m happy to help. Is that your car on the street? Come right in.”

The tall black man greeted Lilith with a cheer, but his good mood faded when he saw her condition. “I see. Richardson said that she had you last night. I’ll give you a full coat, and I have many outfit options.” He switched back to cheerful quickly, taking Lilith into a cozy back parlor and making her lie down naked on a cot. At this point, she was resigned to others seeing her body and stripped easily. 

“She was rough with you,” Garius murmured as he took in the cuts and bruises on Lilith. He walked over to a shelf and took down a cream. “This is basically pain relief in a can, and it heals bruises too! The cuts will have to heal on their own.”

Lilith winced as he spread the cream on her breasts, hips, and neck, which had been a particular focus of Jillian’s. The pain immediately faded, though, and she felt a little better once she had a full coat of make-up and a presentable outfit on.

“Thank you so much,” Lilith said to Garius as she left. “I might be coming to you for similar reasons these Games. Can I trust you not to share this?”

“I won’t say a word,” Garius promised. “Now, grab lunch at Sandy’s Café two blocks down. It’s a cozy little place. Your interview is in an hour, so go!”

A coffee and sandwich almost made up for Lilith’s lack of sleep, and she walked into the interview feeling somewhat stable. Killian, who also looked exhausted, looked up tensely as Lilith arrived at the room reserved for Victors with ten minutes left to go. “You’re late,” he hissed.

“I didn’t have a choice,” she shot back quietly, watching Bree Pine and Greer Everly speak to Caesar onstage. Haymitch sat in a nearby chair, slumped over. He seemed to be actually drunk today, so Lilith left him alone. 

“And now, your mentors from District 11!” Caesar called as Bree and Greer finished their interview. Killian flounced onstage and Lilith followed slightly hesitantly, glad that she hadn’t worn heels. “Hi, you two. How is being in the Capitol again?”

“Well, I’m pretty well transitioned by now,” Killian said cheerfully. “I like District 11- it’s my home- but I feel comfortable in the Capitol as well. It’s always wonderful to see all of your smiling faces!” He called to crowd, who cheered in response. 

“And you, Lilith?” Caesar asked. “It must me odd to you, as you’ve only been a Victor for a year.”

“Yeah, I had a bit of a weird first night,” Lilith said. Actually, she’d had a hellish first night, but she wasn’t about to say that. “Not a whole lot of sleep, but that will pass. As Killian said, it’s great to be back!”

“So, this year, 11’s tributes seem a little... lacking,” Caesar said with a practiced sympathetic tone. “How are you handling it?”

“Shale has a few surprises up his sleeve. Yes, he is younger and smaller than Kite was, but don’t count him out just yet. Anything can happen in the Hunger Games.” Killian’s response was also practiced, down to his perfect smile. 

“Well said!” Caesar exclaimed. “Lilith? I can call you by your first name, right?”

“Of course! We are friends, after all,” Lilith replied with a flirty wink that made the host blush through his blue make-up. “I can hope for Maple, but I think that most mentors have to prepare for their tribute dying. Not all of them can be like I was.” She understood the importance of seeming confident, and the comment made the crowd titter in approval. “So... yes, I am hoping for a miracle.”

The rest of the interview passed by fine until the last question. Caesar studied Lilith before speaking. “So, Lilith, there’s a nickname for you going around the Capitol. It’s caught on. District 7’s girl gave it to you. What do you think of being called Murderess?”

Lilith fought to keep herself together as all of her self-hatred came back in a rush. “That is certainly accurate. Hunger Games or not, I did murder fifteen tributes. I wouldn’t just kill anyone on the street, though. I am no unstable psychopath.”

“Of course you’re not!” Caesar exclaimed. “I think that you’re absolutely perfect the way you are.”

That ended the interview, and the crowd roared Killian and Lilith offstage. The teenager’s mind was reeling with the force of that accursed word.

_Murderess_

_Murderess_

_All you are is a murderess_

_Just a girl who sleeps with old woman and a killer of fifteen children_

_Hailey_

_Lyra_

_Peter_

_Liam_

_Kite_

_Hattie_

_Grayson_

_Quartz_

_Norman_

_Otter_

_Hyacinth_

_Otto_

_Pearl_

_Haven_

_Branden_

_Die, murderess_

_You deserve it_

Killian’s grip on a bruise on her wrist brought her back, and Lilith realized that she had been hyperventilating and scratching at her wrists. Killian had managed to get her away from any cameras before they picked up on her panic attack. 

“You’re okay. Look, I hate to rush this, but we have to go,” he said firmly. “What would help you? Staying in your apartment? Victors usually leave the tribute center after the Games start, but as long as you show up for them, it’s fine.”

“Y-yeah. Thanks.” Lilith nodded. She knew that her trauma had probably triggered his, and he wasn’t the best with emotions anyway- that was Jacob’s territory. She allowed Killian to take her to her apartment and set everything up while she curled up with a cup of tea on the couch and did a bit of her homework, which was much lighter because Carson was giving her less to do during the Games. She found that the math helped her calm down; something that she needed to do. There was no room for weakness; she needed to either commit suicide or keep on living, and there were things to live for.

Like friends and love. Jacob appeared from his and Killian’s apartment with a delicious homemade meal, and Mila and Seeder came over as well. It was a lovely night, and Lilith enjoyed the light conversation, about families, Capitol life, anything but the Games. Tonight, there was no room for unhappy subjects. 


	29. Chapter 28

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I’m on a roll! School starts on Tuesday, so chapters will come out slower then. At least one a week.

_Lilith awoke to her alarm beeping at 6:00, after a full nine hours of sleep. She felt much better mentally than the day before, but her bruises were dark purple and her cuts barely healed._ Blood dripped onto her sheets as she roused herself, ready to face the day.

Yolanda walked in, eyes flashing with alarm when she saw Lilith’s condition. You need medical attention, she signed. I am a trained medic. Every Victor is assigned one. I will help you. The Avox disappeared from the doorway and came back a moment later toting a bag. She gestured for Lilith to sit on the edge of her bed and take her shirt off.

The teenager nodded and went into her closet to briefly grab a bra, not wanting to be totally topless. She sighed in relief as Yolanda spread the same cream that Garius had used the day before on her bruises, and allowed her to put a bandage on her cuts up until the one on her neck. Wait. I don’t want to attract attention to it. Is there a darker bandage you can put on it? One the color of my skin?

Yes, of course, Yolanda signed. The make-up would also cover up a lighter bandage.

Nina and John took over after Yolanda was finished, covering every inch of Lilith’s unclothed skin with make-up. The Victor wore a comfortable but fashionable dark blue t-shirt and shorts down to her knees, mindful of the hot weather. She smiled a thank you to her indispensable Avoxes and left, aware that she was late to the 7:30 tribute breakfast. Training started at 9:00.

It was a short drive to the tribute center, where the other Victors and the tributes were sitting down to breakfast. “There she is!” Killian called when Lilith rushed into the room. Maple had a hurt look in her eyes and didn’t say anything to her mentor. 

“So sorry. I was ill yesterday and overslept a little today,” Lilith apologized. “I wanted to be there tomorrow afternoon, Maple, but I was really miserable. It won’t happen again.” It wasn’t a lie and Maple latched onto it, immediately relaxing. She seemed more cheerful than she had in the last few days; she was learning that she needed to be adaptive and ignore pain.

_Good_ , Lilith thought. _She might have a shot in hell at this._

“Well, I gave Seeder the rundown of training, but now I’ll give it to you,” Maple said brightly. “That scary girl from 2 kept glaring at me, but didn’t come over, so I stayed far away from her. I went to all of the survival stations and did pretty well, except for fire-making for some reason.”

“You shouldn’t make a fire in the Arena anyway,” Lilith shrugged. “It might be a helpful skill, though, so keep trying.”

“Alright. I practiced throwing knives when the Careers were across the gym at the spears. I wasn’t too great at those.”

“The spears were right next to the throwing knives last year,” Lilith said with a frown. “Do they change the setup?”

“Every year, slightly,” Seeder answered. “Well, you should try again with the throwing knives. They will be the weapon that works best for you in the Arena- you don’t have the arm strength to use spears or swords effectively, I don’t think. Try all of the weapons in the next two days.” Maple nodded at the advice and cut into her sausage.

“Knives are a more consistent weapon,” Shale said suddenly. He was gaining weight while Maple was still gaunt, though she was eating a full plate of food. “That’s what my mom says, anyway. She’s _obsessed_ with the Games, won’t stop talking about them. She particularly likes analyzing Killian and Lilith’s Games.”

“And what does your mother say about my performance?” Lilith asked, not really wanting to know the answer. 

“That you were clever about your kills and didn’t draw them out. And that you and Kite were matched in skill, which is why the final battle was so long,” Shale rattled off. “Killian, she thinks that you were a great actor, tricking the Careers as long as you did.”

Killian smiled. “I’ll be sure to thank her sometime for that. So, how did your training go?”

“I can use a sword! I spent most of my time there- I know how to survive. The trainer liked me.” Shale was grinning. “I’ll go over to them tomorrow, and back to the swords. None of the Careers seemed to mind me, which I found weird. It was relieving!”

“Good. Do try to stay away, but certainly practice with swords and other weapons. Any amount of time with them is useful in the Arena. Go to the ropes course too, both of you. Test out your climbing strength.” Killian directed his words at Shale, who took them in with serious brown eyes.

Once the tributes were off to training, the Victors headed to the gym. The make-up that the Avoxes had used was sweatproof, so Lilith was able to put a hard run in. It helped her work out some of the anger against Jillian and the Capitol in a non-dangerous way and left her willing to ingest sugar. She grabbed a steaming hot chocolate from the gym’s café and headed back to Killian’s apartment for the afternoon, where Jacob was waiting. It looked much the same as Lilith’s and was ten floors above hers. 

“We need to talk about sponsorships,” Seeder said when they had lunch on the table. “Did you get Buskin to support either of the tributes? This is a relatively safe spot, by the way. We can talk about the Careers’ preparation here.”

“There is an editing system.” Killian nodded. “To answer your question: Buskin won’t put money on Maple, but he said that he would sponsor Shale,” Killian reported. “The kid is performing well in training and came off strong compared to Maple. That’s great news. Buskin, however, also said that Enobaria from 2 is getting a lot of sponsorships. She’s tipped to win this year with huge odds in her favor.”

“There’s something about her that really unnerves me,” Lilith admitted. “Just the look in her eyes as she volunteered. Did Bernie say anything else about her?”

“She’s proficient with every weapon but the spear. Buskin has connections to the Careers’ training centers, so he knows details about every tribute. It’s also much too easy to get that information out of him,” Killian said. “He mentioned that Enobaria really wants to win. She almost killed a classmate in a duel once.”

“So bloodthirsty from the start,” Seeder nodded. “That’s not good news. I mean, Mila didn’t appear to be vying to kill nine tributes during training for the 60th Games, and Hattie was easily the most zealous tribute last year pre-Games. She would have killed more if not for you, Lilith. So Enobaria’s zeal is not great to hear.”

“I would bet on her to win,” Jacob said. “I studied psychology at the University, specifically of tributes and mentors. She is a dangerous young woman.”

“Well, Maple needs to stay well away from her. I heard from Jillian- who cannot seem to keep her mouth shut- that the Careers are better this year because of Pearl’s weakness last year. Rachel is the best they could come up with and the pack will gang up on any individual that is particularly strong, trying to avoid a repeat of last year,” Lilith reported. 

“I think that Axel and Everly are going down in the Bloodbath.” Seeder paused before swallowing a bite of her sandwich. Lilith had been raised to eat using table manners, keep her mouth closed when she chewed, and always sit up straight, so the older woman’s casual, lip-smacking eating style came as something of a shock. When she thought about it, Jay’s tough love and strict rules had prepared Lilith very well for Capitol life. Seeder continued, “they are performing well but Axel is a braggart and Everly got into an argument with Peter Rockwell, the least savage of the Careers. Hattie outlived the Careers and Umber almost outlived them last year, so they’ll want to not have that happen again.”

“So my victory fucked not only Maple’s chances but other tributes’ chances,” Lilith said, shaking her head in disgust. “I just wanted to save my family.”

“Their deaths will not be your fault,” Jacob told her kindly. “Twenty-three kids die every year. Nothing you can do can save them this year- or in the future.” The last sentence was added hastily. Lilith knew that he struggled to hold his tongue, which was problematic for a rebel.

“How are Axel and Everly doing in training? What about George from 6 and Greta from 12? Jillian told me that both of them had decent chances.” Lilith changed the subject slightly, diverting the conversation back to its original course. 

“Axel and Everly appear to be proficient in many different weapons. I think that axe-throwing really prepares kids to be tributes- I mean, 7 was almost a Career District for a time,” Killian said. 

“Really?” Lilith asked, surprised. “I know that District 4’s status as a Career District was almost revoked a few years ago until Diana Maris broke the five-Game non-Career winning streak, but not about that.”

“They had a winner in Blight during the 42nd Games and then seven top-three finishes, so yes. But then the tributes got weaker after the Second Quarter Quell.” Seeder finished her food and sighed in contentment. “That was wonderful, Jacob.”

“Thank you very much!” Jacob grinned. 

“Anyway, Greta is proving to be clever and a climber. She’s snarky, too. George is really aggressive, though he did piss off Tatiana from 1, so he might be killed early on. Not as strong of a field as last year, but there are some outsiders.” Killian yawned and stretched. “All right. I’m gonna do the dishes then join my wonderful partner for a nap.” He kissed Jacob before standing up, making Seeder and Lilith laugh at the blush on the older man’s cheeks. 

“I’m not tired!” Jacob protested.

“Oh, sorry. I wanted to spare the _innocent girl_ over there,” Killian snarked, glancing playfully at Lilith. “I meant, I’m gonna do the dishes and then I will join my wonderful partner for a romp in bed. Is that clearer for you?”

Jacob got up from the table so fast that Lilith choked on her sip of water with laughter. “All right, have fun. I am off to visit Mila.” She waved goodbye and left the apartment, heading up to Mila’s place. 

District 2’s most recent Victor opened the door wearing a light pink dress that suited her very well. The sound of people laughing and the TV played in the background. “Hi! I’m a little busy right now, but I can talk. What do you need?”

Lilith cleared her throat, butterflies suddenly filling her stomach. “I- I was wondering if you wanted to go out with me tomorrow morning.”

“That sounds great! Why not the afternoon?”

Lilith made a face. “I have an interview with a bunch of other Victors at 13:00, then I really should be back at the tribute center for Maple.”

“Oh, I understand. That’s the interview with the other mentors of weak tributes, right?” Mila was a Career in the sense that she fully believed in weak versus strong, and that a weak tribute had no chance of winning. Lilith didn’t blame her for how she was raised, however. 

“Yeah. Killian and I, Beetee and Wiress from 3, Jason Shard from 9, Janet and Hayden from 5, Chandler and Daria Parsons from 8, Bree and Greer from 10, and Haymitch,” Lilith listed. “It should be fine with so many people.”

“Mila! Who are you talking to?” A voice shouted. Nolan poked his head around the door. “Oh, hey, Lilith. Do you want to watch a show with us?”

“Us?” Lilith asked, confused. She also didn’t know what a show was, but kept quiet about that.

“Nick, Diana, Moira, William, Mila, and I. We call ourselves the Career pack,” Nolan said with a grin. “But you did better than us all, so come on in.” He quite literally dragged Lilith into the apartment, where the other Career Victors were watching a rather violent program on television. Lilith settled in uncomfortably but eventually began to enjoy herself, liking the company and how easygoing they seemed around her. Moira Prince, the 49th Victor, even shared photos of her two adorable toddlers with the teenager, and Nicholas told her that he had no hard feelings over Norman. “It’s a part of the game,” he shrugged. 

Lilith got back to the tribute center in time for a report from Maple; she had tried the throwing knives again and improved, but totally failed at the spears. It was a long, good day, much better than the last. 


	30. Chapter 29

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lilith goes on a date, meets some old people, and takes a big step in her relationship.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: homophobic language, homophobia, fear, mention of suicide/death
> 
> AR means After Rebellion. So, the last year of the First Rebellion is 0 AR and the year after is 1 AR. And so on.

_Lilith woke early the next morning, too excited to sleep any longer. Her bruises were fading and her cuts were scabbing, so she felt physically better than the past few days._ John and Nina did her make-up again before she headed to the tribute center to check in. It was the final day of training before individual sessions, and Maple was bouncing around at breakfast, nervous energy coming off of her in waves.

“Where are you going?” The girl asked Lilith rather petulantly as she got up from the table a little early. 

“And why are you wearing fancy clothes?” Shale chimed in.

Lilith smiled, the first legitimate look of happiness that the tributes had seen from her. “I am going on a date. My ride is here.”

“With who?” Maple demanded. “What’s his name?”

“Her name is Mila,” Lilith said after a moment of consideration. The tributes were most likely dead anyway and she had learned that the Capitol didn’t really care about Victors’ sexuality as long as they did what they were supposed to. Killian brought Jacob to the Capitol every year, and their relationship was an open secret among the Victors.“She won the year before I did.”

“You would leave me for a murderer?” Maple wailed. Shale looked horrified as well. 

“I am no better,” Lilith pointed out. “I killed both tributes from District 2, so we are even on that count. Besides, she is quite nice once you get to know her. Also, my dating life is none of your business. Mila and I are not even a couple, just friends.”

“My mother says that two women can’t be friends,” Shale said with a steely tone. “She has a label for women like you.”

“I wouldn’t call her a woman just yet.” Killian broke in mildly. “Seventeen is underage.”

“Fine. My mother says that _females_ who are attracted to women are fags,” Shale continued defiantly. Lilith just sighed at the slur while Killian turned on the boy.

“So you think less of her because of her attraction to women. I like men, do you think less of me?” The Victor challenged. Lilith could tell that he had almost mentioned Jacob and held himself back, not wanting Shale to spread that information around the other tributes. 

Lilith shook her head and waved at Maple before leaving. Shale spluttered, rendered speechless by the fact that gay people existed. Seeder watched the whole scene with an amused look in her eyes. Howard had been waiting for five minutes.

“Sorry!” Lilith said as she entered the taxi. “The tributes wanted to talk. I will be going to Capitol Café this morning.”

“Do you have a date? You look great,” Howard commented. Lilith wore green silk pants and a gray blouse that showed her shoulders along with a star pendant necklace. 

“My date picked out the clothes,” Lilith snorted in response. Her anxiety grew as Howard pulled onto Trail Street, where the sleek, small Capitol Café sat comfortably among other lower-scale restaurants. Mila stood on the sidewalk, looking stunning in a blue sundress. She grinned when Lilith appeared from the taxi, her eyes lighting up with real joy. 

“I couldn’t help but be here early. I was just so excited for some reason! Also, this place is amazing,” Mila gushed. “How is it being back in the Capitol? I’m finding it kind of hard to adjust. At least I had a set schedule to follow last year... now I’m just kind of wandering around. I know the city well by now, though!”

“I am finding it odd as well. There is so little green here, and it’s so natural at home,” Lilith said. “Mentoring is much more of a challenge than I thought it would be. Maple and Shale are quite intelligent- honestly, the kids in my region that I knew weren’t half as observant as they are. That is why all of my friends are Victors now.”

“You’re so charming and personable! I can’t believe that you wouldn’t have a group of adoring fans,” Mila teased. “Seriously, though, you are a great friend.

“Well, uh- thanks,” Lilith spluttered. What was it about this girl that made her so nervous? She never acted like this with anyone else. 

“Shall we go in?” Mila asked, offering an arm. 

Lilith led the way into a cozy eating area full of tables filled with mostly Victors and presumably their partners. The smells from the kitchen were absolutely mouth-watering; they reminded Lilith of Jacob’s cooking. “This is wonderful. So do we just sit at an open table?”

“Come sit by us,” Mags called. She was at a table with four other older people. Lilith recognized Callie Glitter, the oldest living Victor at seventy-five, and realized that the eldest Victors were all together. 

“What a treat!” Mila almost squealed. One of the reasons why Lilith loved her was her legitimate joy, even in the Capitol. It was never inappropriate and Mila could be mature and serious if necessary. “So, Lilith, meet Callie Glitter, Quirrel Gayer, Wave Smith, and Shelley Nylon. You’ve met Mags before.”

Lilith quickly analyzed each Victor as she shook their hands. Callie was a wrinkled woman with an intelligent look in her eyes and a head of steely gray hair; Quirrel was still fit at seventy-two and still had some red hairs left; Wave had been beautiful and still had an air of grace and dignity about her; Mags radiated kindness; Shelley seemed reserved, her silver eyes striking on her smooth face. 

“Callie is deaf, so we’ll have to translate for her,” Wave told the teenagers.

“That isn’t a problem,” Lilith replied, accompanying her words with sign. 

Callie’s face lifted, and Quirrel laughed disbelievingly.  You can? How? 

Lilith hesitated for a moment before telling the truth. “My brother is deaf and I have learned to sign as I speak.”

“Wonderful! Now Mila is the only non-signer of the group.” Wave spoke in a low, smooth voice. She had been the first Victor that slept with Capitol citizens, Lilith remembered from her lessons, and Mags the second. 

Mila made a noise of hurt. “I’m not terrible, I’m just not fluent!” She signed rather clumsily with her words but got the message across. Since she was so expressive anyway, she accented her signs with the correct facial expressions- Lilith struggled with those, as she was emotionally reserved even with her family, but was a technically perfect signer.

“Are any of you mentoring this year?” Lilith asked. All of them shook their heads. Of course; they were all Careers. All but Mags and Wave would most likely never mentor again since there were so many other younger Victors. District 4 had mostly female winners and only four living Victors, surprising for a strong Career District who had many runner-ups in the history of the Games. 

“What is District 11 like?” Shelley wanted to know.

“Beautiful. Lots of trees, many growing wild,” Lilith replied. “My life before the Games mostly consisted of working, but I had time with my family as well. It is quite different now.”

Mila told me that you’re taking classes at the University. Is there no option in 11?  Callie asked. Lilith got the feeling that she was being analyzed, and decided to treat it as a test.

“No, not in my region,” the teenager said. “I am enjoying my lessons. I actually have a question for you all. I saw all of the top thirty Hunger Games for a history lesson, and know what happened to the Victors after Reaper, but not before. May I ask?”

Mags chuckled. “You’re good. Coin said that you were.”

Mila raised an eyebrow. “Is mentioning her here really a good idea?” So she was a rebel. Lilith wasn’t surprised and it made her even more attracted to the younger Victor. 

“The owner is a rebel. Elton Williams,” Wave explained at Lilith’s confused look. “This is a safe space. Yes, girl, you have earned the answer to your question. Thea was always sickly and Capitol technology failed to save her from cancer. That was three years ago.”

“Everett took the easy way out in 42 AR.” Mags waved a hand. “He was unpleasant to be around and seemed like a coward.” So, suicide wasn’t respected within the Victors. Good to know.

Tre hanged himself. But you knew that.  Callie signed with more sympathy. He was unstable even as a teenager. It was not a surprise, though I pitied Seeder. Having to mentor eighteen failed tributes before Chaff and Killian? Insane.

“Yeah. No wonder Haymitch is a drunk mess,” Lilith said. 

“My sister Sharon married young, only a year out of her Games. She was so happy when she had two children, but died during the birth of her third in 16 AR.” Quirrel’s façade crumbled and old grief showed. Mags put a comforting hand on his shoulder.

“Hammer became a drunk and hit a building in 37 AR, killing him and his wife immediately. Luckily, his children were in District 2,” Mags reported. “I pitied Bernice in that situation, though she really should not have married him.”

“And Kieran. Well, Kieran was the bravest of all of us. He fled to District 13 in 55 AR to become a planner- he was a tactical genius. Unfortunately, smallpox killed him weeks ago.” Shelley spoke for the first time, her voice steady and slightly cold. All of the Victors signed as they spoke. “Which opens up a spot for you, Miss Hardy. I admired your tactics in the Arena and was expecting this to happen.”

Lilith didn’t know what to say in reply, but Mila changed the subject before she could get herself together. The conversation shifted to lighter topics, and eventually, Lilith and Mila were left alone.

“That was so great!” Mila gushed. “I love seeing them.”

“How long have you been a rebel?” Lilith asked. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I was told to be careful and not talk about it with anyone. President’s orders,” Mila shrugged. “I- I figured that you were one, though. It makes sense with your personality and background.”

Lilith didn’t take offense at the statement. “I really enjoyed meeting the older Victors. It’s nice to see that others dislike the Capitol as well.”

“I do wish that we had more time to ourselves,” Mila admitted. “I came here to tell you something. So, we said last year that we should go slow, but even long-distance, I can’t help but want to be with you. I love you, Lilith.”

Lilith froze for a moment in total disbelief. This beautiful, perfect Career loved her back. “Mila, I-”

“I’m sorry! I shouldn’t have said anything. If you don’t feel the same way-” Lilith cut off Mila’s rant with a gentle touch on her arm.

“I’ve loved you for six months, Mila. I was just shocked that you feel the same.”

Mila grinned and looked down at her meal. “So what happens now?”

“We start a relationship,” Lilith answered. “I have to go to an interview right now, but I’m so glad that we had this conversation.”

The teenagers shared a kiss and parted ways. Lilith was buzzing with joy, and the interview was completely bearable. Haymitch took up the Victors’ time with a drunken ramble, and the highly irritated interviewers had to end it after an hour and a half. Lilith’s good mood ended when she and Killian returned to the tribute center to see Seeder rubbing a sobbing Maple’s back and Shale looking on with a pale face.

“What happened?” Killian asked Shale resignedly. 

“Enobaria came up to her at the sword station and began to threaten her. If the trainers hadn’t stopped her, she would have attacked Maple. Enobaria is targeting Maple, and Maple thinks that she’s doomed,” Shale reported. “Peter from 2 eventually got Enobaria away. I like him, he seems decent.”

“Thanks.” Lilith nodded at the boy and went to sit beside Maple. The girl latched herself onto her mentor. “Maple, honey, Enobaria won’t kill you if she never sees you. Avoid her, alright? I’m sorry she scared you. Do your best in training and try your hardest to survive in the Arena.”

Privately, Lilith cursed herself. Had her victory meant that she had to watch Maple and other little girls die horribly in the Arena? She had to remind herself that she had a family to look after. She just hoped that Maple’s death was quick and painless. 


	31. Chapter 30

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lilith has a moment with Maple, overworks herself, then the scores come out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: blood, death, child abuse, mention of suicidal thoughts, mention of rape/non-con

_ Maple snuck into Lilith’s room at four in the morning quietly to find her mentor wide awake and covered in fading hickeys. Most of her bruises were gone, but her cuts had scabbed an ugly gray color. _ “What happened to you?”

Lilith froze and wished that she had chosen to return to her apartment that night. Maple had cried long into the night, leaving everyone involved exhausted. Killian had left to be with Jacob and Shale had gone to bed, but Lilith and Seeder had stayed up. They had collapsed and slept like rocks after that.

That is, until nightmares hit. Haven visited Lilith in her sleep, bleeding heavily from her stomach and sneering at her killer. So now the Victor was awake and working on the schoolwork that she had been ignoring for the past few days. 

At this point, Maple was doomed. Lilith’s actions in the last Games had put a target on her back and Enobaria was aiming for it. The bedroom was relatively safe because of its size- there was a hidden camera at the door and microphones in the walls, but not near the bed. Lilith also didn’t feel like hiding information from the girl anymore. So she answered honestly. “I visited with a rather handsy Capitol citizen a few days ago.”

“Visited?” Maple’s brow furrowed.

“Slept with,” Lilith explained. “Had sex with.”

“How old are you?” Maple seemed absolutely shocked, dark eyes widening.

“Eighteen in six days. She’s... in her seventies? She looks twenty-five. Capitol technology works miracles.” 

“You’re underage! That’s-”

“Rape? Yeah, well, she paid for the medicine that saved my life in the Arena and requires my services in thanks. If you win, this is how being a Victor works.”

“But you don’t think I’m going to win,” Maple said suddenly. “Telling me this is dangerous, but it doesn’t matter if I die in the Arena.”

Lilith looked down, swallowing. “Maple, you don’t have sponsors. I understand why you were such a mess at the Reaping, but Capitolites don’t. All they saw was a weak, sniveling little girl. And... since I was so dominant last year, you are a target. Enobaria is a stone-cold, trained killer and after you. So I’m sorry. I caused your death.”

Maple didn’t cry. Her eyes glistened with fear but her voice remained strong. “I figured that out already. You know, I don’t  _ want  _ to die, but being a Victor doesn’t seem like living. I would rather die a decent person than live as a killer. No offense.”

Lilith smiled bitterly. “I know that feeling. I have it every day, Maple. But my siblings rely on me so I can’t leave them. And being a Victor isn’t all bad. I am attending class at the university. My Autistic and deaf brother is getting the help he needs, with weighted blankets and stimulation toys to calm him down. His teachers can sign and he’s a lot better even after only a few months of help. My little siblings will be able to attend school and get the basis of an education that will help them rise in the world, and they won’t grow up starving like the rest of my family did. And my mother is giving back to the community, learning to read for the first time. I found love, and the Capitol doesn’t care that it’s with a girl. As long as I still visit with Capitolites, of course. Ignoring the trauma and rape and nightmares and watching children be slaughtered, it’s not terrible to be a Victor.”

“You have people who care. Naomi was the only member of my family that really cared, and she’s gone. I have six siblings. I’m just another mouth to feed.” Maple shrugged. “I am scared, but I won’t be in death.”

“You should go to sleep. I’m happy that we had this conversation,” Lilith said. “It feels good to be able to tell the truth.”

Maple slipped out of the room, leaving her mentor feeling bittersweet. At least she understood what was going to happen in the Arena and accepted her fate. Knowing her, she would still fight hard as long as she could. 

Once the tributes were off to the training center and she had make-up on, Lilith headed to the gym. That day’s workout was a hard ten miles, which felt horrible on the treadmill. Moira Prince from District 1 was beside her and tried starting a conversation, but Lilith ignored her efforts. By mile four, she was only focused on running. And running. And working hard.

All of her self-hatred came back in a rush. Not only would she be haunted by the screams of her Arena victims, but also the fate of the little girl that would die because of her dominance. Memories of her father came up unbidden. 

_ “You- you’re a killer now, 11,” Hattie sneered at Lilith. The girl managed to keep her expression hard, but she was breaking down inside. Hattie was right, of course. She had used her alliance to rack up a large number of kills and gone behind their backs to make traps, getting Umber killed in the process. Now she had ganged up on Hattie with her District partner, who she was now going to fight to the death with. She could never come back from her sins. _

__ _ “I- I name you... Murderess.” _

__ _ “Do you think that you can sass me?” Scythe Hardy demanded. Seven-year-old Lilith cowered, crying, aware that four-year-old Brandon was watching from the stairs. “Just because your mother’s working doesn’t mean that there’s no adult in the house! I’m the man, not Jay!” _

__ _ “I’m sorry!” Lilith cried. “All I said was that I can’t sweep the floor while working on breakfast!” _

__ _ “And that I should. I do all the work around here, you miserable little bitch!” Scythe shouted, grabbing his terrified daughter’s shirt and shaking her hard. She could smell the reek of alcohol in his breath. “You worried about Brandon watching? Well, I’m an example of what a man should be! How a man should treat uppity women! Maybe then he can get over his deafness.” _

__ _ Lilith wanted to point out that “getting over” a permanent condition was impossible, but at seven, she could hold her tongue.  _

__ _ “Speak, girl!” Scythe shook his head in disgust and dropped his daughter. She automatically reached out with her hands and felt her left wrist snap, crying out in pain. _

__ _ “Let this me a lesson,” Scythe sneered. “Don’t talk back to me.” _

The ten miles left Lilith absolutely drained, but she wasn’t done yet. She needed to do core- she hadn’t in a week, when she usually did it twice.

“Honey, you need to take a break,” Moira told Lilith, who gave her a look.

“My tribute is doomed. Yours is a Career,” Lilith snapped. “You have no idea what I need.”

Lilith only made it halfway through her core set before exhaustion and nausea took over. She stumbled over to the nearest trash can and threw up. Gentle hands touched her back, making her tense and whip around. She came face-to-face with CeceliaWillow, the 52nd Victor, six months pregnant with her first child. She would show up every day and lift a few weights, trying to keep herself strong. The teenager immediately relaxed, unwilling to hurt an expectant mother. 

“That’s right,” Cecelia said kindly. “You’re okay. It’s alright.”

Moira was back, offering a water bottle. Lilith took it gratefully and chugged some liquid, feeling her heart rate slow. She spent a few minutes resting before eventually standing with Moira and Cecelia’s help. 

“I’ve called Mila. She’s taking you to lunch before the individual sessions are over,” Moira told Lilith. “Come find me in the mentor room if you need anything during the Games, all right?”

Lilith nodded. Mila entered the room and rushed over to her girlfriend, who looked up with joy on her face. Lilith stood up and kissed Mila, making Moira and Cecelia coo. 

“You two are cute. This won’t be an individual lunch, though,” Nicholas said. Lilith hadn’t even realized that he was in the room. 

Lilith slowly calmed down over lunch. She forced herself to totally focus on the conversation (what would the Arena be that year?) and analyzing the others’ behavior. Mila seemed a little worried but generally relaxed. She kept sending Lilith glowing looks that made the other girl blush. Nick, meanwhile, constantly fidgeted and got up ten times in twenty minutes. 

“Are you worried about your brother?” Lilith asked him. They had gone to Capitol Café again and were eating delicious egg sandwiches with plenty of cheese. 

Nick nodded. “Yeah. He’s ready for this, but so was Norman, and you took him out right away. You were clearly trained, but it couldn’t have been for that long. And Enobaria is a master at every weapon she touches. So I am worried about Peter, yes.”

“Last year was unusual. This is going to be a Career win,” Lilith guessed. “Your brother could easily be the Victor.”

Nick smiled. “Thanks, Lilith. You’re a good sport. What chance does Maple have? It’s something crazy out there, right?”

“1/1,567,” Lilith snorted. It was funny even though she really did care for Maple.

The individual sessions were over soon enough, so the mentors had to get back to the tribute center. Maple was happy with her performance; she hit a few bulls-eyes with throwing knives and handled a sword well. Shale actually managed to beat the sword trainer and raced through the ropes course. 

The scores came out after dinner. Lilith took notes on each tribute’s result.

_ District 1) Paulson: 8, Tatiana: 8 _

__ __ _ No surprise. Both strong tributes. _

__ _ District 2) Peter: 10, Enobaria: 11 _

__ __ _ Two of the most threatening tributes. Enobaria is the favorite to win. _

__ _ District 3) Tre: 3 Amelie: 2 _

__ _ District 4) Oyster: 9, Rachel: 10 _

_ They will be ones to watch. _

_ District 5) Zachary: 6, Delilah: 2 _

_ Zachary has an outside chance of victory. _

_ District 6) George: 7, Vivian: 5 _

_ Not a huge surprise for George; Vivian must have hidden skills. _

_ District 7) Axel: 8, Everly: 8 _

__ _ Matching District 1. Not a surprise. _

_ District 8) Fabian: 2, Ilana: 4 _

_ District 9) Jonathan: 4, Harlan: 6 _

__ _ Harlan has an outside chance of victory. _

_ District 10) Freedom: 2, Fiona: 2 _

_ District 11) Shale: 6, Maple: 5 _

__ _ Decent scores. Both were pleased and Maple’s odds of victory improved significantly. _

_ District 12) Omar: 2, Greta: 8 _

__ _ Greta is a serious contender.  _

Lilith checked Maple’s stats that night and was pleased to see that Bernie Buskin and a few other Capitolites had put money into her bank. Buskin also sent her an email inviting her over to his house in three days’ time. If Maple survived that long, she would have sponsors backing her. 

__


	32. Chapter 31

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So not a week, but not two days, either. My posting schedule will be rather erratic for the next, oh, nine months. 
> 
> Mila and Lilith spend the morning together, then it’s the interviews.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: mention/description of bodily functions, a small amount of blood, body issues

_ There was apparently training to go through before Lilith could coach the tribute through the interviews, so Lilith had a few free hours the next day while Seeder and Killian worked with Maple and Shale. _ She headed to the gym for a significantly lighter workout due to her aching body.

She was starving when she got back to her apartment and asked John to make her an egg sandwich. It wasn’t enough, but she had gained weight and hated the feeling of fat on her stomach. She stared glumly at herself in the mirror; still marked, a portruding belly. She was pretty sure that she had lost muscle since her Games. Her stomach was also cramping pretty badly. 

Mila walked herself into Lilith’s room, a lost look in her eyes. “Hey, ah... can I talk to you?”

“Of course. What’s up?” Lilith asked, slipping on her shirt and going to sit beside Mila. She noticed that the other girl had much more make-up than usual on. “Did you visit with Jillian last night?”

“Yes! She barely sponsored me and I’m not even a mentor and it’s been two years!” Mila burst out, tears streaming down her face. Her body shook as she clung onto Lilith, who gently rubbed her back, not knowing what to say. After a few minutes, Mila’s sobs abated and she began to pull herself together, understanding the need to recover from trauma quickly. “I’m good. It’s fine.” 

“Talk to me if it’s not,” Lilith told her. “I get it. I’ll probably be needing a talk myself in the next few days.”

“You’re visiting with Jillian  _ again _ ? ” Mila asked, aghast. 

“I have appointments for almost every night of the Games except the first. At least I can get out of the parties,” Lilith snorted. “It’s not even for sponsorships- Buskin’s the only one to put money on Maple, and he gave barely anything.”

“Being a non-Career Victor doesn’t seem pleasant.” Mila was still upset, but dried her tears. “Hey, you’re bleeding onto your sheets.”

“ _ What _ ?” Lilith leapt up, eyes wide. “Where?”

“Through your underwear. Have you ever had a period before?”

“What is a period?” Lilith demanded. There was indeed a spot of blood on her sheets. 

Mila blinked, shock showing in her beautiful eyes. “You don’t know what a period is?”

“No. So explain it.” Lilith was getting impatient now.

“A period happens for women of a healthy weight every month. Have you had the lesson on human anatomy from Carson yet? Well, when the lining around a woman’s unfertilized egg sheds, it comes out as blood,” Mila explained. “You can usually tell it’s coming from cramps and mood swings. It depends on the woman and starts in early teenagerhood.”

“I’ve been skin and bones my entire life. I haven’t been fat enough to get it,” Lilith said.

“Lilith, you’re the thinnest person I know and one of the fittest. You aren’t fat.” Mila frowned. “But that’s a conversation for later. There should be supplies- pads, which go on your underwear, and tampons, which go in your body- I can show you.”

Putting a tampon in was an unpleasant feeling, but it was apparently less uncomfortable with time. Lilith took this as just another reason to lose weight. Mila had a few other suggestions. 

“There’s a drug that you can take to stop your period and prevent pregnancy,” Mila told Lilith. “I took it knowing that I would be visiting with Capitol citizens. Half the female Victors have taken it. It’s easy to get an apointment. Speaking of which, have you even been to a check-up?”

“Not since after the Games,” Lilith responded. “Seeder mentioned that I should go with a tooth doctor a few days ago as well.”

“You have pretty good teeth,” Mila said. “But they do need cleaning every so often. Set up those appointments- I’ll leave the names of my doctors.”

“Blame my mother’s rules. Thank you, Mila,” Lilith smiled. “And if you need to talk, I’m available, all right?” They kissed deeply, breathing in each other’s scents.

Mila left after an hour, leaving the names of a few doctors. Lilith set up times to see them in the next week easily. She finished the last of her schoolwork before heading back to the tribute center, satisfied with her morning. 

Maple appeared from the stylists with a grin on her face and a long orange dress. Garius was back to making intelligent fashion choices; it really suited the girl. Shale wore a handsome gray suit. 

“You look great,” Lilith told Maple. “And you’re wearing heels!”

“Yeah! Naomi used to have them and always let me walk in them,” Maple said, her mood dampening at the mention of her murdered sister. “Mother also didn’t mind if I wore hers.”

“Maple will be sweet and intelligent. Sexy may have worked for you, but she can’t pull it off,” Killian said.

“I wanted to be sexy,” Shale pouted. “And this suit is uncomfortable and scratchy.”

“My dress showed half of my body,” Lilith pointed out. “It was velvet, however, and quite comfortable. What is your angle?”

“Confidence. I got a good score and I have a chance!” Shale said. He was naturally confident, so it might work.

Killian and Lilith went to the mentor room, which was in the tribute center, to watch the interviews. Maple frowned when her mentor left her, but held it together. Lilith took account of the other mentors and the groups they gravitated to. The Careers all stuck together as expected; Apple Peach and Nolan from 1, Hayley Washington and Nicholas from 2, Diana Maris and Perch Trident from 4. Rachel Powellen and Blight Branch from 7 had stations near the Careers but crowded together, sending glares in Lilith’s direction. Did Blight blame Lilith for Umber’s death? The teenager rolled her eyes and kept analyzing the situation. Gina Raxson, District 6’s sole Victor, sat with the mentors from 3, 5, 8, 9, and 10. Their tributes must have made an alliance. Haymitch sat slumped at his station. Lilith thought that he should be more cheerful; Greta had scored better than a few of the Careers and had proven to be strong in training.

“We’ll see how that goes. Many of the kids are goners. Them combined with Harlan and George won’t end well. I told Shale to stay the hell away from that alliance when it started to form,” Killian whispered to Lilith. “It’s much too big and most will probably die in the Bloodbath.”

“Why are they gathering now? The Career mentors know about them now.” Lilith shook her head. “Anyway, the interviews are starting.”

Caesar shone in a golden suit and silver make-up. He cheerfully called up Tatiana, whose silver dress was an exact replica of Hyacinth’s last year.

“Miss Opal!” Caesar cried. “You look lovely! How are you feeling before the Games? Any worries?”

“Oh, not at all!” Laughed Tatiana. “I’m prepared for this. I’m excited to start, actually.”

“This seeme like her usual personality,” Lilith commented quietly. “Maple said that she’s charming and confident normally.”

“Wonderful. Do you have any family at home? A boyfriend, maybe?” Caesar asked. 

“I have my parents and siblings. But yes, my boyfriend Jonah is waiting for me to return,” Tatiana replied easily. She breezed through her interview, creating a stir with the crowd. Next up was Paulson, who wore a dark suit that went well with his black hair. He played up the overused angle of viciousness and fell flat. Enobaria, meanwhile, nailed it.

“What a wonderful outfit!” Caesar said appreciatively, eyeing the teenager’s form-fitting black dress. Lilith noted that she wasn’t particularly appealing physically, but her casually vicious personality drew attention. She managed to compliment Caesar while describing how to gut a child.

“Any children in particular you want to... play with?” The host asked with an air of slight disgust. 

“Yes! You remember Quartz last year?” Enobaria said with a savage grin. Lilith’s stomach lurched.

“Yes, she was a charming girl.” Caesar himself looked put off by the look in Enobaria’s eyes.

“Well, she was my best friend. I wanted her to win so badly so she could come back to me, but then Lilith killed her. Since murdering an extremely able and dangerous Victor would be unwise, I decided to take it out on her tribute! The poor little girl. I look forward to tearing her apart.”

Lilith groaned and Killian placed a comforting hand on her back. Hayley Washington, Enobaria’s mentor, looked at the stricken mentor apologetically.

“All right!” Caesar’s high-pitched laughter ushered Enobaria offstage. The camera switched to Maple’s petrified face as the older girl stalked by.

The District 3 tributes went next, and neither made much of an impression. Rachel from 4 made Caesar and the crowd crack up with her jokes and came across very well even among the non-Career Victors. She seemed legitimately funny and like a decent person. Oyster threw away any chance of victory by badmouthing the Capitol, making Perch groan and the other Career mentors chuckle. 

Surprisingly enough, Killian looked amused as well. “Sorry. But when you’ve seen enough interviews, the blatant mistakes of otherwise strong tributes are funny.”

George from 6, so strong in training, gave away his hidden skill with spears. A classic mistake and one that might kill him. 

It became clear to Lilith exactly why District 7 tributes rarely won. Everly only replied to Caesar with grunts and one-syllable words, showing her displeasure at being in the Games. Axel snapped at the crowd for gorging themselves while his family starved, drawing boos and probably killing everyone he loved in the process. 

Soon enough, it was time for Maple to come on. Caesar took a moment to appreciate her dress before getting into the questions. “First off, I’m sure that you heard Miss Ovaline’s threat earlier. How do you want to respond?”

Maple shrugged. “Well, Caesar, I don’t see the need to. It’s nothing crazy. I mean, this is the Hunger Games and only one of us will be alive at the end. Yes, my mentor did well, but having a target on my back doesn’t mean that I can’t win.”

The response was a good rebuttal, if a gramatically challenged. Lilith nodded her approval.

“You shouldn’t let it throw your confidence,” Caesar agreed. “It doesn’t lower your odds of victory, I don’t think.”

That was a dangerous comment from Caesar- tributes weren’t supposed to know about the odds system. Everyone was making mistakes tonight. 

Caesar shook it off with a grin. “What do you think of Lilith?” The teenager in question leaned forward, wanting to hear the answer. 

“She’s really smart,” Maple said. “I’m the top of my class, but she’s so far beyond me in perception and can remember anything I tell her. She’s nice to boot. I mean, I expected her to be disgusted by my display at the Reaping since she was so strong last year, but she understood. My older sister Naomi had just died of sickness, so I was a bit of a mess.”

The crowd let out cries of sadness. Lilith smirked; what a clever way to fit Naomi’s death into the narrative without blaming the Capitol. 

“Oh, I’m so sorry!” Caesar’s face filled with grief for Maple. “You seem to be doing fine now, though.”

“There are plenty of distractions in the Capitol,” Maple agreed. “Naomi would want me to continue, so I’m going to keep living my life- as long as I can.”

Maple’s time was up and she left the stage with a sly smile, sending a triumphant look at the scowling Enobaria. Shale was on after and fell flat; he was clearly nervous and failed to hide it. Killian sighed as his odds decreased to 1/400, not too much bigger than Maple’s of 1/674. 

Greta charmed and electrified the crowd with an innocence that was mixed with a will to win. She mentioned Hailey without much anger at Lilith.

“My sister was a tribute last year, and she made a mistake. A fire is never a good idea, especially when the dominant tribute is nearby,” Greta said.

“The Arena was confusing and Lilith was almost totally silent in everything she did on her own,” Caesar pointed out. 

“Still. She crossed paths with the physically stronger Lilith, arm or no arm. I won’t make that mistake.” Greta’s childish smile hid an intelligent, analytical, fierce spirit. The crowd adored her. 

Lilith stayed awake long enough to congratulate Shale and Maple on their performances. She fell asleep in her own bed easily but woke halfway through the night from a vision where she was dumped in the Arena again with all of her victims, Maple among them now, screaming at her and tearing her apart. She decided to read a book to calm her nerves; she would need to be stable through the coming days. 


	33. Chapter 32

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The 62nd Hunger Games begin and Lilith takes a step forward with Mila.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: violence, mild gore, death, blood, grief, consensual underage sex
> 
> Update: I totally forgot that Paulson existed at first, so I’ve edited that now.

_It looked like Maple hadn’t slept well either. The girl sat at breakfast with a blank look in her eyes, picking at her pancakes. Shale was also quite nervous, but he made up for it by talking._ And talking. And talking. Though it was fascinating to hear about the inner workings of the Morey house, Shale’s chatter left little time for frank conversations and it was time to head to the Arena much too quickly. 

“Why are Shale and I going separately?” Maple asked, speaking for the first time that morning, as Lilith led her out of the tribute center. 

“His pod is far away from yours. He and Killian have to use another entrance,” Lilith said. She grinned as Howard pulled up and gestured for the girl to go first. “Maple, meet my taxi driver Howard Dustin. Howard, meet Maple Barnum.”

“Hi, Maple!” Howard’s grin was full of pity, but his tone was light. “How are you feeling before the Games?”

“Terrified,” the girl murmured, slumping down in the seat. Lilith had to click her seatbelt on. 

“Eh, you have a chance. I loved the way you clapped back at Enobaria last night. So what’s with the long sleeves?”

Maple and Shale had been put in long-sleeved outfits made of thick, water-resistant material with rather heavy jackets and gloves. The boots were even thicker than the ones from the year before. 

“The Arena is probably cold,” Lilith said for Maple. “Remember that, all right, kid? There may or may not be thick frost on the ground.”

“The Gamemakers don’t usually use the same elements over,” Howard disagreed. 

“True. Did you get enough to eat?” Lilith asked Maple. The girl nodded mutely and didn’t speak again, so her mentor and Howard struck up a conversation on his family. His daughter Mycenae had been getting into fights, and Howard wanted to know what could be done to help the child’s temper. 

Lilith led Maple out of the taxi and into the tribute center. They passed Enobaria and Hayley along the way, and Maple shrunk away when she saw the District 2 girl, who was engaged in a tense conversation with her mentor. Maple squealed when a Peacekeeper injected her tracker but didn’t pull away, unlike Freedom from 10, who cursed and fought against the needle. 

“Here we are.” Lilith nodded to the open pod when she and Maple were in the room. “I think that you have a choice, Maple. It’s clear that Enobaria is targeting you. You can either flee from the Bloodbath and try to survive or go for the Cornucopia, where Enobaria will be waiting to pounce. You are a mature girl who can make her own decisions, so I will leave this up to you. If you choose to live, I will do what I can to help, but if you go into the Bloodbath, you are on your own. Is that clear?”

Maple nodded seriously. “I understand. Thank you for trying and being nice to me. Now I need you to do one more thing for me. Can you give this necklace back to my family? It was Naomi’s.” She held out a simple string with a beautiful golden pendant hanging on the end. The bird carved on it looked eerily familiar. “She always loved mockingjays.”

“Of course.” Lilith took the pendant and pulled Maple into a hug, something she rarely did even with her siblings. “I have loved getting to know you and will watch over your family.” Then a red light flashed- the 60-second warning. “You need to go into the pod now. Good luck.”

Maple stepped up, her face set. She took in a deep breath as the pod closed and was gone too quickly. Lilith clutched Naomi’s pendant to her chest, suddenly feeling the cold spot of Jaylee’s anklet anew, before heading out. She had two minutes to get to the mentor room.

“Hey,” Killian said as Lilith jogged to her station. “It’s about to start.”

The Arena was an Arctic plain. Faux snow fell from impressively simulated clouds, coating the mostly treeless land with a white blanket. The only shelter appeared to come from rocks that jutted out from small dips in the terrain. A few unidentified creatures lumbered around, most likely not good news for the tributes. The Cornucopia was small and white that year, with piles of weapons and supplies seemingly scattered around it. There seemed to be little food, so there must be food sources outside of the Cornucopia. 

Maple was placed right next to a grinning Enobaria. Shale crouched on his pod among the weaker tributes, staring straight at a small bag pretty far from the Cornucopia. Then the gong sounded and all hell broke loose. 

A large group of weaker tributes sprinted away from the Cornucopia while Shale raced to grab a small bag, bumping into Greta on his way. Neither thirteen-year-old made a move to attack the other and got away with some supplies. Both Haynitch and Killian sighed in relief.

Meanwhile, the Careers were ganging up on smaller tributes. Maple had run towards the Cornucopia only to be grabbed by a focused Tatiana. 

“No! She’s mine!” Enobaria snarled. Tatiana shrugged and let go of Maple, heading to where Freedom had sprained his ankle. She ended his life with a sword through the stomach.

“You’re dead, bitch,” Enobaria growled. She pinned Maple on the ground and let the girl squirm for a moment. Lilith waited to see what the Career would do without a weapon.

The entire mentor room flinched when Enobaria tore into Maple’s throat, ending her life and getting a mouthful of flesh and blood. Lilith sighed and let herself grieve her tribute for a moment. When she opened her eyes, Killian was rubbing her on the back comfortingly and Hayley Washington was in front of her.

“I’m sorry. Enobaria’s grudge against you and Maple was uncalled for, and the girl didn’t deserve to die that way,” the woman said, holding out a hand. Lilith appreciated her immediate apology and reached out. 

“You are not responsible for your tribute’s state of mind. Maple knew what was coming.” The moment was interrupted when Rachel stabbed Fiona, causing Bree to leap up and scream an obscenity at the smirking Daria. Greer hadn’t even shown up in the first place. “I have a question. Can I stay now that Maple is gone? Would it be alright if I joined your group?”

Haymitch gave Lilith a disbelieving look and Killian raised an eyebrow. Strategy. Information, Lilith signed at him; she couldn’t tell him that she wanted to ingratiate herself with the Careers to get information on their Districts for the rebellion.

Hayley blinked in surprise but seemed open to the idea. The large group of non-Career mentors were sending dirty looks in Lilith’s direction. “Yeah! Other non-mentoring Victors can drop by as well. You can totally join us, as long as you help with strategy.”

“I will not help if it involves targeting Shale,” Lilith warned. 

“Fair enough.” Hayley accepted this with a nod. “What are you going to do with your sponsorship money?”

Lilith looked at her computer. There was a red line over Maple’s name, but the little that Buskin had sent to her was still in her bank. “Killian, how do I send money to other tributes?”

“I can. Who do you want to send it to?” He asked. 

“Split between Shale and Greta,” Lilith told him. “Thanks.”

She and Hayley walked over to the Careers, who had already pulled out a chair for the newcomer. The Bloodbath’s action beckoned for attention. 

Enobaria may have won for the most over-the-top death, but she clearly didn’t like the feeling of Maple’s throat in her mouth and spent a full minute trying to clean it with water. Everly managed to sneak up on her with an axe, but Peter knocked her over before she could kill Enobaria, who jerked back to attention in time to duck sword-swipe from Axel. The Careers had finished killing any tribute in sight by then and District 7 suddenly realized the precariousness of their situation. Both fled with only weapons, virtually uninjured. 

“What should they do next?” Nolan directed his question at Lilith.

“Stay put. They have access to all of the supplies and a solid shelter,” she replied, smirking inside. “The others are caught out and in dire need of shelter, particularly Everly and Axel, who don’t have many supplies.”

Lilith stayed to watch for two more hours, taking note of how each tribute did. The Careers set up camp, moving their nine victims’ bodies to the edge of the plain and sorting through the supplies. They avoided stockpiling by making smaller, spaced-out piles at Tatiana’s suggestion. Lilith was beginning to like the District 1 girl more and more, especially since Enobaria kept glaring at her. 

Both Greta and Shale were on their own. Shale walked for three hours and stopped a few hundred meters from the edge of the Arena, studiously avoiding the as-of-yet mutt bears and managing to find a mini-cave with no animals in it. His pack contained a water purifier, a blanket, some rope, three packets of beef jerky, four loaves of bread, and a full water bottle. His cave also had a stream of fresh-looking water flowing through it. Killian left early, happy with his tribute’s prospects.

Greta hadn’t gone as far as Shale but had an equally ideal shelter. She had a good amount of food, plenty of water, a set of knives, and a bedroll. She was in good shape. Everly and Axel, meanwhile, were huddled in a small crevasse, suffering from hunger and the driving wind. They would need to try to get supplies from the Cornucopia in the next few days. 

The large non-Career alliance was made up of Zachary, a miserable-looking Delilah, George, Ilana, and Harlan. They as a group had a decent amount of food, some knives, and a spear that both Harlan and George could use, and water, but not enough blankets to go around. Delilah insisted on going without warmth that night, keeping watch outside of the overhang and trying hard to cover her coughs so the others could rest. George seemed distraught about it, but the whole group knew that Delilah was weak and going to die.

“She’s brave, at least,” Nicholas offered. “In my Games, the District 4 girl managed to poison herself. She insisted that we take care of her anyways, backed up by her District partner, and held on for three days. After Barnacle died, I slit her throat. She kept me up at night with her moans, the bitch.”

Lilith listened to the Careers’ banter. They switched between being reasonable, intelligent people to stone-cold killers easily, she noted, just like Mila did sometimes. It was fascinating to hear. She excused herself after a bit and went on the treadmill for another ten-miler, this one much easier than the last, before taking a sandwich on the road. 

Surprisingly, Mila met Lilith at the door of her apartment. “Hi!”

“Hey! What are you doing here?” Lilith asked, kissing her girlfriend. 

“I saw the Games and Moira called me. Sorry about Maple.” Mila followed Lilith into the apartment, smiling sadly. Lilith let herself relax and sunk down into a chair, the grief falling over her.

“Enobaria was overly cruel. I wish that they could have met each other as people before the Games,” she said, feeling tears begin to fall. “Maybe then-” the rest of her words were cut off but the wave of sudden sobs that took over. Mila pulled up a chair and hugged her comfortingly until she took control again. She felt less self-hate than expected; Maple had made a choice and known what was coming. Her grief was tampered by a heat that rose through her at the touch of Mila’s body on hers. A look at the way the other girl’s hands slid onto her waist told Lilith that she felt the same.

“It doesn’t seem appropriate...” Mila began as Lilith pulled her in the direction of the bedroom. 

“Maple is dead. I am alive. I will live my life,” Lilith said. Mila’s grin almost cracked her face open, and she almost shoved Lilith onto the bed.

That afternoon was wonderful. There was none of the creeping feeling of perversion that Lilith had at her visits with Capitol citizens, like she was doing something wrong, was failing at a vital task. She let her instincts guide her as she explored Mila’s wide-hipped, full-chested body, her strong biker’s legs. Neither of them came, but derived more pleasure than if they had. It was one of the first truly blissful moments that Lilith had ever experienced, and it left her wanting more in the best way possible. 

Eventually, Mila had to leave for a virtual dinner with her grandfather. The teenagers parted with one last kiss and a promise to meet like this again before the Games were over. 

Lilith’s euphoric mood was immediately dampened by the scowling face of her mother when she called home. “You’re a terrible mentor, you know that? You should have told Marble to run!”

“Maple. Her name was Maple. I want to talk to Brandon, please.” Lilith sighed at Jay. 

“Your stupid brother is reading. I actually wanted to talk to you about that. What is the point of that heavy blanket he hauls around with him? Combined with the spiky balls and LEGOs, he’s acting more and more like a child.”

“They help keep him calm when he gets overwhelmed. Is he doing his work? Does he seem happy? Has he had a breakdown lately?”

Jay made a sour face. “He has been fine. No issues. Ursula, however, got into a fight with Nathan.”

“That’s Ursula for you,” Lilith said, lips quirking up at the thought of her bratty but adorable sister. “All right, I am heading to bed. Talk to you in a few days.”

Lilith shook off her mother’s negativity as soon as she curled up into the still-ruffled sheets, breathing in the last of Mila’s scent. Maple had died today, but Lilith had been able to bounce back and do something that made her happy- and she wasn’t totally overwhelmed by guilt. She was slowly but surely making progress towards mental stability. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Death Toll: 9  
> Freedom (D10M)- killed by Tatiana (D1F) during Bloodbath  
> Fiona (D10F)- killed by Rachel (D4F) aduring Bloodbath  
> Maple (D11F)- killed by Enobaria (D2F) during Bloodbath  
> Fabian (D8M)- killed by Rachel (D4F) and Paulson (D1M) during Bloodbath  
> Vivian (D6F)- killed by Oyster (D4M) during Bloodbath  
> Omar (D12M)- killed by Enobaria (D2F) during Bloodbath  
> Amelie (D3F)- killed by Rachel (D4F) and Tatiana (D1F) during Bloodbath  
> Tre (D3M)- killed by Peter (D2M) and Oyster (D4M) during Bloodbath  
> Jonathan (D9M)- killed by Paulson (D1M) during Bloodbath
> 
> Kill Count:  
> Rachel (D4F): 3  
> Tatiana (D1F): 2  
> Peter (D2M): 2  
> Paulson (D1M): 2  
> Oyster (D4M): 2  
> Enobaria (D2F): 2


	34. Chapter 33

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things happen in the Games, then Lilith has a call with her siblings.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: violence, death, grief, language

_ Lilith woke to an insistent buzzing noise. She shot up, reaching for anything that could be used as a weapon, before realizing that it was just her phone. _ She picked it up, annoyance lacing her voice. 

“Hello? Who is this?”

“Oh, I’m glad it’s you! This is Hayley Washington. Mila gave me your number. She also said that you had a late night yesterday, so sorry, but District 7’s tributes are heading towards the Cornucopia. Can you come? I’ve warned Enobaria but told her to wait for my signal to do anything.”

Lilith blinked the sleep out of her eyes. She had indeed been at Bernie Buskin’s the night before, and though it had been quite bearable, it was still late when she had returned to the apartment. “Damn girlfriends. All right, I will be there soon.”

Still, there were things to do. Lilith slipped on exercise clothes and packed a few books along with an extra outfit and pair of shoes. John rushed the make-up job (luckily, the marks had faded significantly and the bruises were almost gone) and packed her a sandwich for the road. Howard was already at the curb when she entered the crisp, cold early morning air. 

“This is big. I’ll hurry,” he said, indicating the screen on the back of the passenger’s seat. It wasn’t anywhere near the quality and depth that two hundred cameras and a wall of televisions gave in the mentor room, but it was enough, and the sound was crystal clear. 

“We need to be quiet,” Everly whispered to Axel as the two crept along the edge of the tundra. “I still think that this is a bad idea.”

“What would you rather do, starve like that poor girl from 6?” Axel countered. 

“She was already sick and she froze,” Everly said, rolling her eyes. “We have more muscle  _ and  _ more fat.”

Delilah had succumbed to the cold and her sickness to the day before, which seemed to affect Ilana and Harlan but devastated Zachary, who wouldn’t let go of her body when the carrier came to take it away. Harlan eventually knocked him unconscious. This surprised none of the mentors; Gina had simply sighed as she watched another of her charges die painfully. As Zachary was still alive, she was still an active mentor. 

Lilith shook herself back to current time as Howard pulled up to the Arena in record time and Everly and Axel split up. She thanked her loyal driver profusely before rushing up to the mentor room, eyes immediately fixated onto the action. The Careers were standing around their supplies, watching for any sign of District 7’s tributes.

Everly was lighter on her feet, sprinting from behind a ridge to grab a bag right near Peter’s feet. Amazingly, the burlier tribute didn’t seem to notice. Nicholas groaned. “He’s never had good hearing. Damn it, be better!” He shouted uselessly at his brother’s on-screen image, so close but so far. Mentor Rachel sent the young man a shit-eating grin.

“Unlucky, Nick! Looks like this one’s another goner.”

Lilith and Moira jumped up to stop Nicholas from attacking the 28th Victor. “They hate each other. Her tribute was in the top two in his Games,” Moira explained to Lilith in an undertone when Nicholas agreed to calm down. 

Axel, meanwhile, tripped while trying to grab a loaf of bread and Tribute Rachel noticed. She lunged at him, her sword barely missing his head. He kicked at her stomach, knocking her away long enough to flee a few feet. Everly was already sprinting across the plain, slipping every few feet on a patch of ice. Tatiana tried to follow, but he stopped her with a hand. “Rachel and I got them.”

So Tatiana, Enobaria, Paulson, and Peter stayed at the Cornucopia while Rachel and Oyster ran after District 7. Enobaria had taken one look at Axel and Everly and decided that they were too strong to fight; Lilith’s guess was that she specialized in longer-range weapons (and apparently tearing out people’s throats) and didn’t want to try her luck with fit and dangerous tributes. She was going for the win, not the kill record. 

Everly stopped and waited for Axel to catch up with her. Unfortunately, Rachel was the faster runner and pinned Axel to the ground, driving her sword into his leg and making him yell in pain. Everly snarled and slammed into Rachel, just missing the other girl’s arm with her axe. That was when Oyster caught up and pulled her away, sinking the tip of a spear into her shoulder. 

Axel screamed with Everly and writhed hard enough to knock Rachel off of him, immediately rushing towards his District partner. Oyster gasped as an axe lodged into his chest. A cannon fired. 

“Fucking damn it!” Perch shouted. “Not this early, not again!” He threw down his headset in defeat. 

“You didn’t mentor Otter last year,” Diana pointed out. Lilith remembered from what Seeder had told her about the other Victors that those two had never gotten along well; Diana was openly lesbian, living with her wife in District 4 (where gay marriage was legal), while he thought her sexuality was a sign of rebellion. 

“You two! Pay attention!” Nicholas hissed. 

Tribute Rachel’s eyes glimmered with anger. She pulled a throwing knife from her sleeve- toying, playing with her victims- and hit Axel’s injured leg, sending him howling to the ground. He dropped his axe and rolled out of arm’s reach of it in what could be a fatal mistake. But Rachel didn’t turn on him, instead stalking over to a heavily bleeding and half-conscious Everly. “You’re the brains of this operation, aren’t you? We can’t have that.” She slit Everly’s throat, making Axel moan in loss and another cannon sound. The two tributes both eyed each other, and that was when Lilith realized that Rachel was more injured than it seemed.

“She has a concussion,” Daria said quietly, looking at her tribute’s stats. “Pretty bad, too. Otherwise she would be able to kill him.”

Mentor Rachel stood, ignoring the death look that Perch was giving Diana, holding a hand out to the other Victor. “Good game. At least she went down fighting.”

“She was a good tribute,” Diana agreed. Mentor Rachel sent an unreadable look at Lilith before leaving, shoulders slumping subtly as she went. Onscreen, Tribute Rachel stumbled away, leaving Axel with two axes and the bag that Everly had died stealing. 

“Your tribute is a damn idiot,” Perch seethed at Diana. The other Career mentors seemed resigned to the tension and Lilith decided to watch what happened. 

“She is alive and will recover in safety. Yours is dead.” Diana sentence ended in a shriek when Perch pulled her out of her chair in a blaze of fury, his eyes showing some of the madness that had overcome Lilith in the weeks after her Games. The entire room gasped when Perch pulled a knife out of his belt. He would have killed Diana with it if Lilith hadn’t shoved him away, disarming and flipping him over her shoulder in one movement.

“How can you do that?” Moira asked in wonder. Killian chortled with laughter from his station. 

“She just does it. No training and she’s the best fighter I’ve ever seen.”

Lilith rolled her eyes at the praise and glared down at Perch. “I do a sparring workout with Jacob every week for core exercise- not here, he’s not allowed at any of the gyms, of course. Yes, I train. Now leave, Perch, and take your rage somewhere else.”

Perch scuttled away, eyes wide with fear. Lilith turned back to the other Victors and took in their reactions. Killian’s grin was wide as he watched Shale chew on a bit of bread in his cave; Blight glared in dislike; Gina, Hayden, and Cecelia looked impressed; Brianna laughed as she clapped; Haymitch was staring with a very alert smirk, so unlike the drunken slump he had been in moments before; and the Careers all gazed at her with disbelieving gazes. 

“You’re definitely one of us,” Nicholas said after a moment, and then he was patting Lilith on the back. “Great! Well, he’s gone now. Thank the heavens.”

Lilith put Perch’s knife onto the table. “Well, I am going to work out now.” She walked across the room, uncomfortable with all of the eyes on her at the moment. A speed workout eased her tension but left her panting on the ground, regretting not eating breakfast that morning. Diana came to sit beside her, a curious look in her eyes. 

“Why are you looking at me like that?” Lilith asked defensively. Diana had been deadly in her Games at close range (killing her District partner in the finale along with four other tributes at eighteen in a rainforest where she became an adept monkey-hunter and water-finder) and might have a knife on her. It didn’t hurt to be cautious. 

“You’ve sweated off your make-up. How long ago did you visit with Jillian?” Diana almost demanded. Lilith showed her teeth in sudden aggression.

“The gossiper? Never met her.”

“I’ve been with her too. I know what marks her fingers make. You can talk to me, Lilith.”

“Not here,” Lilith replied snappily. There were at least ten hidden cameras and microphones in her eyesight. 

“Fine.” Diana searched for a topic change. “Rachel’s back at the Cornucopia. She’s going to recover.”

“Hopefully quickly,” Lilith said. “I bet Enobaria will take advantage of her weakness soon enough.”

“Enough of the other Careers are around to stop Enobaria from doing anything, but she keeps sending predatory looks at Rachel.” Diana shook her head, ginger hair shifting and green eyes filling with worry. “That girl has something up her sleeve, I just know it.”

“Have you warned Rachel?” 

“I don’t want to send something that might make Rachel act differently around Enobaria, so no.”

The conversation petered out Lilith stood to leave and was stopped by Diana’s plaintive voice. “Thank you for saving me earlier. Perch is dangerous, and doesn’t like me very much.”

“I don’t like him. And us Victors have to stick together,” Lilith said. She went to the showers and cleaned herself off, ignoring the fancy knobs and going with normal water as usual. Then she put on the sundress that her client that night insisted that she wear, not wanting to wear more than two outfits per day. “How is Shale doing?” She asked Killian as she walked over.

“Eating a little too much food, but pretty alert. Greta is on her way to his cave,” Killian replied. “Watch for a bit with me.”

Greta had left her cave when the water in it had turned green that morning, taking the Gamemakers’ hint to move. She was now only about a hundred feet from Shale’s cave. “If anyone’s here, you can come out. It has to be Shale,” she called. 

Shale narrowed his eyes before glancing at the green water and making a decision. He quickly packed and put on his bag, keeping his knife out as he crept out of the cave. “How did you know that it was me?”

“Axel is crying under a rock and pathetically dabbing at his leg and the other non-Careers are still holed up,” Greta said. “You seem to be doing fine.”

“You’re thriving,” Shale replied, eyeing the line of throwing knives on Greta’s thigh. 

“I have a proposition. We’re both young and from Districts with very few Victors- and we both scored high in training. How about an alliance?”

Shale nodded slowly and approached Greta slowly, holding his hand out. “I can work with that.” The children shook on their alliance. Both were intelligent enough to not trust the other yet work together, so it would most likely go well (at least until a few more Careers died, then it was anyone’s game). “Let’s find some new shelter.”

“Good. He just has to watch his back,” Killian said decisively. “Lilith, Jacob, Mila, Seeder and I are coming over to your apartment tomorrow and throwing a small birthday celebration for you. No arguing.”

“That will be nice. See you tomorrow!” Lilith called to Killian and the Careers before heading out. She gained energy with the now-cold sandwich that John had made for her and then remembered that Brandon would be calling in half an hour. After a bigger snack and a bit of water, she felt much better. 

“Perfect timing!” Lilith grinned as her brother’s oval face appeared onscreen, signing as she spoke. “How are you doing?”

Well! I got an A on my math test , Brandon signed.  I haven’t had a meltdown in four days either. Caroline is really helping me. 

Lilith was happy that Caroline Banner, therapist and translator specializing in children, was able to help her brother. He really was improving and seemed much more confident in himself. “Good. She is on break right now, and so is my teacher Carson, so I can’t meet with them this year, but I can probably arrange a face-to-face deal next Games.”

That sounds great. Speaking of breakdowns, here comes Ursula, Brandon said. Ursula and Nathan Hardy knocked their brother over in their efforts to see Lilith, bouncing with excitement. 

“Lilith! Why aren’t you home yet?” Nathan asked. To his credit, he then went to help an amused Brandon off the floor. 

“You need to be here for our birthdays!” Ursula said. 

“I have to be at the Games. But I can bring you to the Capitol next year!” Lilith told her siblings. “In the meantime, do you want to see my apartment?”

Yeah! Of course! Brandon signed. Lilith thoroughly enjoyed the tour and laughed at her siblings’ wonder of the views. She had Brandon tell her what the plans were for the twins’ birthday once they had gotten bored and run away, promising to be there.

Lilith hated to end the call, but she had another client waiting. Maybe this one, Shadow Shade, a government agent who worked in Information (so, a spy), could help her plan the inside heist on President Snow. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Death Toll: 12  
> Delilah (D6F)- died of exposure on Day 2  
> Oyster (D4M)- killed by Axel (D7M) on Day 3  
> Everly (D7F)- killed by Rachel (D4F) on Day 3
> 
> Kill Count:   
> Rachel (D4F): 4  
> Tatiana (D1F): 2   
> Paulson (D1M): 2  
> Peter (D2M): 2  
> Oyster (D4M): 2  
> Enobaria (D2F): 2  
> Axel (D7M): 1


	35. Chapter 34

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lilith goes to the doctors’ office, watches the Games, then has a party.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: sexual assault, non-graphic rape/non-con, swearing, gore, death, injury, violence

_ A long and exhausting night later, it was time to face the day. Lilith left Shadow Shade’s underground mansion sore and frustrated; he had insisted on covering his face during vigorous sex and hadn’t spoken at all.  _ So he would not be an informer.

Lilith’s attention was half-focused on the Games during her dentist appointment; the doctor, a cold woman named Dr. Patricia Gorse, ruled that her teeth were fine and she had no cavities. So Jay’s insistence on daily brushing and flossing had its payoffs. 

“Clean the back molars a little more,” Dr. Gorse told the Victor. “You do not have any wisdom teeth- extra teeth- so that surgery will not be necessary. I will see you next year.”

The main doctor’s office was housed in the same government-mandated gray building. A young nurse, clearly terrified of Lilith, met her at the door and directed her to sign a few papers as she waited for the doctor in a plush red velvet room. After a few minutes, one of the only Capitolite black men that Lilith had seen appeared from a door. “Lilith Hardy?”

“Right here,” she said, standing and handing the papers to the nurse at the front desk.

“Follow me,” the man said. “My name is Dr. Xavier North and I’m the official physician for Victors.”

Lilith soon figured out that Dr. North was in the government’s direct payroll. He insisted that she strip down to her underwear and bra in the cold office, eyeing her up and down as he spoke. He disagreed with the nurse when she said that 98 pounds (Lilith’s weight, taken on a golden scale) was too light and that the fact that Lilith’s ribs were visible was unhealthy. “If anything, you’re heavy. The breast implants might add a pound or two, but still, you should eat less and exercise more,” Dr. North said cheerily. “Would you mind if I look at those, by the way?”

Lilith grimaced but nodded in forced consent. The doctor, who was at least fifteen years older than her, took his time to ogle her bare breasts before saying that they were fine. “The rest of you looks fine as well. Have you found any odd lumps or felt any unusual pains lately?”

“No,” Lilith replied. 

“Good! Now, you need to be sterilized. It seems a shame to me, but it’s not my choice,” Dr. North said. Lilith just sighed while the nurse made a gasp of horror at the comment. “Don’t mind her. She’s a particularly gifted girl from District 6, and not used to what the Capitol is like yet.”

The poor nurse winced when Dr. North’s hand slipped under Lilith’s bra as he placed a needle into her thigh. “This is going to hurt, okay?”

“Please just give it to me,” Lilith said, feeling his caress on her back. Dr. North shrugged and pushed down, sending a greenish liquid into her body. He finished with the appointment soon after, telling her to schedule another visit for next year’s Games. 

“How can you deal with that? In your Games, you fought so hard and showed such spirit,” the nurse asked Lilith plaintively as she watched the Victor get back into her clothes.

“I learned that it is better to not fight out of the Arena,” Lilith replied after a moment. “It is safer. You would do well to catch on.” She left the office after scheduling an appointment for the next year, leaving the poor nurse’s dreams of resistance crumbling to pieces. Lilith’s mood worsened in the taxi to the mentor center, when a look at her phone revealed that  _ The Capitol Times  _ was inviting her to an interview the next morning. The newspaper was known for its focus on drama and piercing questions. 

Lilith was immediately distracted in the mentor center when Mila ran right up to her. “Hey! Hayley asked me to be here. You’ve come at an exciting part- the mutts have formed a pack!”

Mila led Lilith over to two chairs and sat down with her arm over her girlfriend, totally comfortable with the physical contact. Lilith saw that none of the other Victors seemed to care and relaxed into Mila, linking their hands. Onscreen, the bear mutts were indeed in a group and beginning to move. They ran right past where Greta was huddling under a rock, holding a freshly caught rabbit and breathing hard with fear. Shale was drinking the green water (which, when filtered, was potable) and totally missed them. 

The mutt pack had one target, and it became clear quickly. Peter was out hunting as well and sprinted back to the Cornucopia as soon as he heard their grunts, but the bears didn’t even come close to his original position and the bigger non-Career alliance. Instead, they were running right towards Axel.

District 7’s male had found a decent hiding place and managed to patch himself up pretty well with the supplies in Everly’s pack and a med kit that Blight used all of his sponsorship money to get him. He became aware of the mutts’ approach when they were a hundred feet away from his overhang and cursed along with Blight. “Shit!” Axel turned and ran, but he was slow from the deep wound on his leg. He was caught in half a minute.

“Fuck you!” Axel snarled. He charged the bears, getting his axe in one of their throats and kicking another in the muzzle. But there were six massive mutts with titanium teeth versus a teenage boy, and he lost the fight seconds after it started.

What followed would haunt Lilith for the rest of her life. Axel’s howls as the mutts tore him apart (first his arms, then his legs, then his torso, then his head) made Mila leave the room and heave; Haymitch took a drink; and very few Victors watched the whole thing. Lilith couldn’t look away.  _ This is a reminder _ , she told herself,  _ of the lengths that the Capitol will go to in their effort to silence dissent. May you always keep this in mind. _

__ Finally, Axel fell silent and a cannon boomed. The whole room felt the tension as a hovercraft didn’t even come for the remains of the boy’s body; the mutts took care of it, leaving bits of flesh and a stretch of blood-stained snow behind. Mila came back in, paler than Lilith had ever seen her. Blight’s eyes were dull as he stalked out of the room, murmuring curses under his breath. 

“I bet Caesar will have a field day with this,” Hayley said finally. 

“Why is Caesar not the narrator on this feed?” Lilith asked. “He is usually in the coverage we get from District 11.”

“We have the choice to just watch the Games or have Caesar’s narration,” Nicholas explained, glad for the diversion. “I’ve found that he only distracts.”

Lilith inclined her head, conceding his point. The cameras switched to Zachary, Ilana, Harlan, and George’s cave, where Ilana had just discovered Harlan’s stock of food. 

“Hey!” Harlan shouted when she saw the younger girl routing through her bag. “That’s my stuff!”

“You’ve been complaining for the past two days that we’re out of food,” Ilana said with a hurt look in her eyes. “And when half of our stock went missing, we assumed that District 11’s male or District 12’s female had stolen it. But you have the food? What the hell?!” She was shouting now.

“Ilana’s right. That food belongs to all of us, not just you!” Zachary shouted.

“How dare you?” George snarled. Harlan suddenly realized her position; surrounded by three armed tributes with only a knife. She acted quickly and lashed out, catching Ilana in the stomach. Zachary cried out in horror as Ilana fell, and Harlan used her former allies’ distraction to run with her knife and the pack of food. 

“This is the Hunger Games! What the fuck did you expect?” She spat as she fled. George tried to follow, but Zachary called him back.

“I need your help! She’s bleeding out.”

“Did you know about this?” Cecelia asked Brianna, Harlan’s mentor, in a calm voice. 

“No. Harlan does her own thing, I told her to stick with this alliance as long as possible,” Brianna replied. “I’m really sorry, guys.”

“Still,” old Gina Raxson of 6 rasped with a distrustful look in her eyes, “your girl isn’t a part of the alliance anymore. Sit somewhere else.”

Hayden glared as Brianna walked away, going over to the very end of the row of stations. Cecelia typed in her computer and a drone flew above her alliance’s cave, dropping a med kit at the entrance. George picked it up as he walked back in to help Zachary, who was desperately trying to stop the flow of blood from a gasping Ilana’s stomach. 

“Do you know how to heal?” George asked helplessly. Zachary nodded and got to work, sanitizing Ilana’s wound and wrapping it up securely. He slipped her pain pills and let her sleep. After a few moments of silence, George stood. “I’m going to hunt. We need food.” Lilith was beginning to understand why Mila got so excited when watching the Games; this was fascinating to analyze.

Nothing else interesting happened in the next hour. The Career tributes were waiting for Rachel’s concussion to heal before making any moves, and their mentors seemed content with this plan. Killian eventually approached Lilith and Mila. “It’s time to go! Early birthday party and all.”

“Oh yeah, happy birthday!” Hayley grinned. Lilith left the room to a chorus of congratulations. She got a sense of how surprising the night would be when Howard met her, not in the normal taxi, but a bigger car. A pretty black-haired woman sat next to him, and three children crowded one seat; two girls and a boy. Mycenae, Gina, and Rafael.

“Hi!” The oldest girl said! “I’m Mycenae. I’m your biggest fan! I have a poster with you on it in my room. Can you sign it?” 

Lilith blinked as Mycenae shoved a paper in her face. It had a picture of her from last year, looking determined, with the caption  **Lilith Hardy- District 11- Victor of the 61st Hunger Games** . 

Janice Dustin looked at Lilith apologetically. “Sorry about that. She really, really, wanted to meet you.” 

“That’s fine,” Lilith laughed. She was fine with being Mycenae’s hero- she could shape how the girl saw her. Mycenae proved to be a charming, intelligent girl, and her siblings were equally as engaging. Janice was sympathetic and soft-spoken but confident enough to voice her opinions. 

The afternoon only got better from there. Jacob and Seeder along with the Avoxes had prepared her apartment with low-key but festive decorations; streamers and balloons and a delicious homemade cake. Jacob had done all of the cooking and made a stunning meal of traditional District 11 pasta with meat and plenty of salads and fruit. The conversation shifted from the Hunger Games to Capitol life to each person’s experience in the Districts, and it was all child-appropriate. 

The party ended three hours later, in the early evening. Howard and Janice (who Lilith made a real connection with) had to take their children home, and Lilith herself had a visit with- who else?- Jillian.

“You really don’t have to do this,” Mila said as her girlfriend pulled on lingerie and sweats. “It’s your birthday!”

“This is also real life, and visits with Jillian are a part of it,” Lilith replied. “I will be back as soon as I can. Love you!”

Killian offered up his driver for the cause, and Lilith got to Jillian’s still buzzing with happiness. The visit was horrible as usual but much shorter, and Jillian was less hands-on. 

“I get more enjoyment out of this than you do, I know,” she said after six hours of hell. “So I’m going to let you go now! Think of it as a birthday gift.”

Lilith felt shaky but not like dying as she left. A good cry in Seeder’s arms pushed her blues away, and then it was time to face her eighteenth birthday, sore body or no.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Death Toll: 13  
> Axel (D7M)- killed by mutts
> 
> Kill Count:   
> Rachel (D4F): 4  
> Tatiana (D1F): 2  
> Paulson (D1M): 2  
> Peter (D2M): 2  
> Oyster (D4M): 2  
> Enobaria (D2F): 2  
> Axel (D7M): 1


	36. Chapter 35

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lilith goes to an interview and then a party.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: mention of eating disorders, abuse, marital abuse

_Exhausted or not, Lilith still had responsibilities. It was 9:00 and her interview was in an hour. A full coat of make-up, light blue jeans, a flowing yellow blouse, several bracelets, and high heels made her look presentable._

“Hayley, I have an interview this morning and will not be in the mentoring room today,” Lilith said when Enobaria’s mentor picked up the call.

“Uh, phone etiquette, anyone?” Hayley laughed mockingly. “That’s fine. It doesn’t look like much is happening anyway.”

Lilith rolled her eyes. When would she ever have learned _phone etiquette_? “I will see you tonight then, if you are coming to the party.”

“You bet! Happy birthday,” Hayley said before hanging up. Lilith realized then that she was indeed eighteen that day. She felt no different and was still almost late to her interview.

Howard drove in double-time to get to a massive stone building with ten minutes to spare before the interview. “Your journalist should be in the lobby. Good luck! My kids really loved meeting you last night, by the way.”

“Tell them I say hello,” Lilith said as she left the taxi. A tall, stick-thin, pale woman with a blonde swirl of hair noticed her entrance into the building and rushed towards her. 

“Miss Hardy! There you are. I’m Emily Fairysong and I’ll be interviewing you today. Now come on, you’re almost late!”

“I apologize. I did not get much sleep last night.” Lilith had no idea how to respond to Emily’s enthusiasm, so chose to keep her usual even-headed mask on. 

“Oh, I know. Mrs. Richardson just published and article about it!” Emily grinned. “She has a blog about her life, you see.”

Lilith froze. “Jillian- Mrs. Richardson- writes about our nights together?” It was somehow a surprise, that Jillian was indiscreet about their meetings. Just one more reason to hate the Capitol. 

“I imagine that she tames them down for younger readers, but yes! She has her own column. It’s a favorite of our readers.” Emily winked as she led Lilith through a busy lobby into a shadowy, velvet-covered atrium. “So, you’ll be taking questions from the audience- already submitted in the past few days- as well as me. I hope you’re ready!”

There was a crowd of people filling the first level of seats in the auditorium. They burst into cheers when Lilith walked onstage, making anxiety rise in her, but she smiled and waved anyway before sitting down in a plush chair across from Emily. Camerapeople dotted the stage, all focused on interviewer and interviewee. 

“Welcome, Lilith!” Emily said. “The _Capitol Times_ team and I are so thrilled to have you here. First off, how are you doing after poor Maple’s death?” The sympathy on her face was the least legitimate Lilith had ever seen, but the Victor didn’t let her irritation show. 

“It was certainly difficult to watch. She was a sweet kid. I would have liked her to die a little quicker, but she’s not in pain now.”

“Of course it’s hard on you. Are you angry at Enobaria for killing Maple so cruelly?” Emily was clearly looking for a declaration of hatred, but Lilith was unwilling to give it.

“She could have been less over-the-top about it, but as revenge goes, the Arena is a good place to take it. I did kill her friend, Hunger Games or not. It is a series of rather unfortunate events that cannot be undone.”

“That’s a nice attitude to have,” Emily said with a disappointed look. “Now, I have it from reliable sources that you’ve been helping out the Career mentors. Why is that?”

Lilith took a moment to consider her response before deciding that Emily wouldn’t mention information meant to be hidden on live television. “I decided after Maple died that I did not want to be done with my first Games mentoring. Hayley, Enobaria’s mentor, was gracious in victory and they all generously let me stay with them. I find Hunger Games tactics interesting and wanted to get an inside look.”

“Good for you! One last question. What are you going to say to Maple’s family?” Emily asked with a predatory look in her pale blue eyes. Lilith was taken aback for a moment and told the truth.

“That I am sorry for their loss. I tried and supported Maple, which I hope that they understand.”

“How nice. I have a surprise for you!” Emily switched subjects quickly by rustling in her yellow purse and pulling out a small box. “It’s an early birthday present!”

The crowd burst into cheers and Lilith faked a smile, forcing out a few words of gratitude as she opened the box. It was a delicious-looking cupcake with a brown cake and pink frosting, sparkles shining on the top of it. “It’s a cake!”

“Yes. The management wanted to give you vanilla for the actual cake, but I told them that you might want something the color of your skin!” Emily trilled.

“...Thanks?” Lilith was put off by that comment. She didn’t give a shit about cake matching her skin, it was a totally useless and insulting gesture from Emily. Still, it was a cake. The Victor bit into it and was only able to enjoy the first bite as nausea filled her body and she threw up into a trash can that a worker rushed out. 

“What the fuck was that?” Lilith let her anger show for a moment, then schooled herself at Emily’s affronted expression and the crowd’s gasp. “I apologize, I was not expecting that.”

“No, I should have warned you. Women here aren’t allowed to keep down anything with added sugars, so an assistant must have forgotten to get a real cupcake. If you would like one?” 

“I am fine without one, thank you,” Lilith said stiffly. “Shall we move on to the audience questions?”

A visibly flustered Emily was happy to get back to work, and she opened up her pad for access to the anonymous queries.

“What was cutting your arm off like?”

“Horrible. I cannot go into too much detail, but just... pain. I would not recommend it.” Lilith shivered in real disgust at the memory.

“Why did you kill so many tributes?”

“My drive to win and get back home. Don’t worry, I am not about to start murdering people on the street.” This drew a laugh from the audience.

“How is it living in District 11 as a Victor?”

“Quite different. I do not have to work anymore and am able to get top schooling at the University, and there is a gym that I can access for exercise as well as miles of trail. I am really able to explore my District since I have the extra time. As for the people, I have run into no issues there.”

“What were your family’s reactions to your performance in the Hunger Games, especially your kills?”

“My twin siblings are too young to watch the Games, so they were just confused as to why I was gone for so long. My mother and oldest brother understand that I did what I needed to.”

“You were only gone for about a month!” Emily laughed. “I suppose that small children experience time differently to adults. On to the next question: what do you think of Jillian Richardson?”

Lilith was ready for this one and smirked in reply. “I do not want to harm younger viewers’ easily influenced ears with an honest reply.” Emily and the audience laughed, effectively diffusing the situation. 

“Who do you want to with the 62nd Hunger Games?”

“Rachel from District 4 has been doing well. It would be nice to see Shale or Greta win, but they are less likely to. I hesitate to say Enobaria because she did kill Maple, but I am sure that all of the tributes I have mentioned will make a great Victor.”

“What will you do if Enobaria wins?”

“Get along with her. I killed her friend and she killed my tribute, so in my mind, we’re even. I will not hold a grudge.”

The interview dragged on for another hour. It left Lilith bouncy and hungry, so she stopped and bought a sandwich on the way to the gym, where she got her nervous energy out with a long run (wearing a set of neutral exercise clothes that was readily available to her and any other gym visitor). 

She called Killian once she was back at her apartment and eating a bowl of cereal on the couch. “Hi. Is there anything interesting happening in the Games?”

“Shale and Greta have been bonding and are currently swapping life stories. Half of it is complaints about Peacekeepers, so it’s probably not being aired. District 8’s girl is healing slowly- she even regained consciousness for a few minutes. The one that stabbed her is hiding under a rock. Nothing much is really going on action-wise, though. How was the interview?”

“Long. Are you coming to the party tonight?”

“You bet! I’ll see you at 20:00. Dress up as much as you can.”

“I will, thanks.” Lilith hung up and looked at her watch; she had an hour before she had to dress up. Time to plan her sabotage.

The plan couldn’t even begin to come together until Lilith found a Capitol-born double agent willing to work with the rebels- or indiscreet to give out information. It would be preferable if this double agent were close to Snow or high-up in the rankings; that would take out years of trust buildup. 

As she went through the list of party attendees, one name stood out to Lilith. Hallina Snow, Gamemaker and daughter-in-law of the president. She had been born and raised in the Capitol and was apparently unhappily married to her husband, if the articles on their fights and infidelity were true. She had scheduled a visit with Lilith in two nights’ time, but the teenager wanted to sound her out as a possible double agent sooner.

Three hours later, Lilith wore a revealing dark gray dress and an obscene amount of make-up. She tottered on her heels down to the entrance, where a long, black limosuene waited. Killian opened the door and invited the younger Victor in; she saw that Chaff and Seeder were also there.

“So Jacob did not want to come?” Lilith asked Killian, who snorted.

“Even if it was socially appropriate for me to take him, he hates talking to people, particularly Capitolites.”

“Me too. But oh well.” Lilith’s dry comment brought a laugh out of Seeder and Chaff. “I have a request. Is there any way that I could talk to Hallina Snow in private? She’s caught my eye.”

Seeder raised a conspiratorial eyebrow. “I’m acquaintances with her. Something can be arranged.”

The party was held in the president’s ballroom, with golden walls and a checkered waltz floor. Waiters in tight suits carried around hors d’oeuvres on silver trays, accompanied by the little glasses of liquid that brought on nausea. Plate after plate of every type of food imaginable lined the walls. What seemed like half the Capitol swarmed up to Lilith in the form of ridiculously dressed people; one woman wore a poufy blue dress that took up twelve square feet of space. Lilith caught none of their names and could only smile and say thank you as these living dolls wished her a happy birthday. 

“Lilith,” Killian said into her ear after an hour. “The President wants to meet you. He has his son and Hallina with him.”

Lilith took in a deep breath, forcing the loathing down deep into her. “It’s only polite to meet him. He is throwing this party for me, after all.”

Killian led Lilith over to a corner of the room before slipping away. Peacekeepers had blocked off a space for the President of Panem and his family to sit; currently, only three were inhabiting the chairs. Lilith took them in, the old man with an upright posture and a dangerous look in his eyes, the hulk of a son, and the thin, nervous woman beside him. 

“Ah, miss Hardy. We finally meet.” Coriolanus snow held out a wrinkled but steady hand. Lilith shook it, breathing in the cloy of rose scent around him.

“It is an honor, Mr. President. I must thank you for this wonderful party. It is a perfect way to celebrate my birthday.”

“Of course! You are my country’s favorite Victor. Tell me, how is your family doing? Your mother’s help house seems to be thriving.”

“I do not know much about that, but plenty of people do seem to come there, yes,” Lilith replied. Let Jay face the consequences of her own actions.

“Your siblings are cute,” Grayson Snow butted in. “They turn six in a few days, correct?”

“I would so love to see them grow,” Snow said with a slight sneer. “You have been adjusting well, miss Hardy. Keep up the good work.”

The threat settled over the group for a moment before Hallina spoke up. “Would you like to accompany me to the tables, Lilith? I am quite starving.”

“Yes, go with her,” Grayson said with a venomous tone. “Leave me alone.”

“You have your father here. I am sure that you can have a conversation with him,” Hallina snapped at her husband. She turned to Lilith with a sickly sweet smile. “So shall we?”

Hallina Snow was an easy target. She was drunk in ten minutes and almost babbled out information when Lilith (with a full meal in hand) took her to a private corner of the ballroom. Her gorgeous form and auburn hair stood out in the low lighting, and her hazel eyes shone. Some information, like the fact that the green water was potable if filtered, was old news to Lilith and the tributes, but the rest was noteworthy. The bear mutts were docile until they scented blood, then nothing could hold them back from the kill. The other words that came out of her mouth were useless, just a cover for the key data she was sharing. 

The most vital bit of information slipped out at the end of the party, as Grayson began to make his way across the room and half of the guests were gone. “The natural disaster in a few days is going to be fun,” Hallina said airily, leaning heavily against a column. “We gotta kill a couple more tributes- they aren’t fighting enough.”

Lilith couldn’t hold back the smirk that spread across her face. “It will be.”

“Hallina!” Grayson called. “Oh, come on! Drunk? What have you been saying to her?” Lilith, slightly drunk herself, jumped as he pinned Hallina to the wall, practically spitting in her face. 

“Nothing of value,” Lilith reassured Grayson. “It was lovely to meet you. Give your father my thanks once again.” She left the scene, wishing that she could do more to help Hallina, but unwilling to risk her goodwill with Snow. 

Lilith slept well that night and work with a plan for what to do about the natural disaster. She would tell Killian and Haymitch (who she trusted to keep it quiet) but not the Careers, half-hoping that it would kill Enobaria. Besides, they were the biggest and most dangerous group and needed to be cut down a bit.

_When did I start thinking like that. These are children,_ Lilith reminded herself. _Killers or not, they’re just children. And you’re sentencing some to death._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Death Toll: 13
> 
> Kill Count:  
> Rachel (D4F): 4  
> Tatiana (D1F): 2  
> Paulson (D1M): 2  
> Peter (D2M): 2  
> Oyster (D4M): 2  
> Enobaria (D2F): 2  
> Axel (D7M): 1


	37. Chapter 36

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Exciting things happen in the Games.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: gore, non-con/rape, death, mental instability, some cursing,

_Three long days passed before the Gamemakers unleashed their natural disaster. Lilith became more and more anxious, along with the other mentors._ “This is too boring,” Daria complained on Day 7. “Should we tell the tributes to hunt down others? District 9’s girl and the 11-12 alliance are a bit far, but the 5-6-8 group is really close to the Cornucopia. What do you think, Lilith?” 

Lilith started. She was thinking about her visit with Hallina the night before, which had been both profitable and painful. First off, the Gamemaker had let out more information on the upcoming natural disaster; it would start at the Cornucopia and target the alliances closest to it. Seeing Nicholas’ almost crippling worry for Peter’s safety made her guilt increase almost tenfold because of what she was hiding- especially since she’d killed Norman the year before. 

Informative as Hallina was, Lilith could only compare the night with her to those with Jillian. Snow’s fascination with violence had clearly rubbed off on his daughter-in-law, who insisted upon using legitimate instruments of torture, like whips and handcuffs, and had brought in two other people to join in on the sex. Lilith’s experience had been much less enjoyable than the rest of the “foursome.”

Still, Hallina was the best option for a spy/informant that Lilith had come across and keeping in her good graces was key. She was the mutt designer and not many others could do her job, so she had the liberty to cheat openly on the President’s son and hand out information while drunk.

Another unfortunate consequence of her night with Hallina was that Lilith had only been able to stay at Ursula and Nathan’s birthday party for an hour. Jay’s mood had soured when her daughter told her and she’d carried the computer Lilith was connected to out of the room, away from the laughing children (the twins had apparently found quite a few friends since moving into Victors’ Village) and brightly decorated living room.

_“What is more important than your siblings’ birthday party?” Jay hissed, eyes dark with anger. “You were all for this. You helped plan it and promised them that you would celebrate with the twins! It’s the only reason Ursula agreed to wear a dress!”_

_“I really want to stay,” Lilith told her mother. “But I have an appointment that can’t be changed and that the Capitol considers more important than this party.”_

_“Then skip it.”_

_“I am not willing to face the consequences of that action.”_

_“Oh, come on, Lilith!” Jay snapped. “I’m disappointed in you. I have been since you showed up at the Reaping last year and become a Capitol pet. You need to come back to the girl I raised.”_

_“You stopped raising me eight years ago,” Lilith said coldly. “And even if you had, that girl would still be gone. Tell Ursula, Nathan, and Brandon that I love them. Goodbye, Jay.” She clicked out of the call, burning with a fury that would only increase in the next few hours._

“Lilith!” Daria said again. The eighteen-year-old came back to reality and felt her face burn with embarrassment.

“Sorry. I was just lost in my own head for a moment. I think that you all should wait another day, and if nothing has happened by the end of tomorrow, tell the Careers to hunt down the other tributes.”

Lilith had been getting more and more strategy questions as the days passed by, from all three alliances. Killian was concerned at the bond Greta and Shale were forming; two poor children living in hellish conditions and with unhappy family lives immediately found much to connect over. If it was just them as the top two, Lilith was sure that Greta would turn and kill Shale, but only then. Shale, meanwhile, had a crush on his ally. Killian hated to see his mooning over her because the Hunger Games were the last place where love was appropriate or helpful. It was increasing the amount of sponsorships the pair was getting, their chemistry (Shale’s confidence combined with Greta’s spunk and intelligence) outweighing the relative inanity of their actions.

Dates with Mila and drives to clients in various parts of the Capitol gave Lilith a good idea of the city’s layout. It was a perfect, orderly grid, with three even sections split by socioeconomic status. The grandest area was where the richest, such as the Snows, most Gamemakers, and people like Shadow Shade, Bernie Buskin, and Jillian Richardson. Half of the Victors and all of the high-level government agents resided there. Hunger Games buildings served as the border to the middle-class region, which housed the rest of the Victors’ homes, all businesses, and middle-level government agents. The vastly rich could be seen flocking to high-quality restaurants and shops at all hours. Then it was the “poor” region, with houses that could fit ten of the shacks that Lilith and her siblings had grown up in and housed low-income workers like Howard (who still lived quite comfortably) and the rest of the government. Interestingly, District-born citizens made up the majority of this area. Lilith marked down underground tunnels, side routes to government buildings, and main roads. They all led to the President’s mansion.

Though there was a safe space where cameras couldn’t pick up on what she was doing on her encrypted computer, Lilith felt uneasy spending hours on the couch. She needed to memorize the data or find a smaller device. 

The upshot of the entire Capitol knowing what you did at night was that Lilith wasn’t expected to go to any parties. The press mostly left her alone since the gore of Maple’s death was a few days old now, and her role in deciding almost everything the mentors told their tributes went unpublished. 

Day 8 dawned, and Lilith, still sore from Hallina, woke with the feeling that something was going to happen with the Hunger Games. She had an easy, short run and then went right to the mentor center, frowning at an odd pain in her foot.

“Harlan is on the move,” Killian told Lilith when she dropped by his and Haymitch’s stations.

“Probably gonna try and kill off that poor girl she stabbed earlier,” Haymitch, who was sober and intensely upset about it, grumbled. 

“She’ll have to go through the boys first,” called Gina. 

Lilith watched Harlan, shivering slightly in the increasing cold, crept across the plain. Shale and Greta had been shifting between five hiding spots in the past few days and watched her go by from a distance. Harlan reached the cave where George was helping Ilana walk around and crouched behind a rock a hundred feet away, watching her former allies move around. When it became clear that she wasn’t going to act anytime soon, the cameras shifted to where Rachel and Enobaria were having yet another argument, the fifth in three days.

“I didn’t take too much food,” Rachel said, throwing her hands up in irritation. “How would that even be possible? There’s twenty unopened bags of food in your line of sight.”

“You just don’t want to admit that you’re a thief!” Enobaria accused. “Miss I-healed-from-a-concussion-in-three-days.”

“I feel fine. The medical supplies our mentors sent worked,” Rachel said calmly. Lilith could see that she was trying to hide the fact that every word Enobaria shouted hurt her head, which of course was not fully healed. The youngest Victor had used some sponsorship money to get her a drink that eased headaches, wanting her to be at the top of her game. 

“I still don’t see how you could have taken that medicine that Lilith sent,” Enobaria complained. “Come on, she killed almost the entire Career pack last year!”

“It’s called the Hunger Games, Lilith killed last year’s Careers to get closer to home, and I’m not going to look a gift horse in the mouth.” Rachel rolled her eyes. “I understand that she killed your friend, but you’ve already gotten your revenge. Anyway, I’m going to hunt. Who wants to come with me?”

“I will,” Peter said automatically. He grabbed a bow and some arrows, sending the seething Enobaria an uneasy look as he left with Rachel. 

Nicholas shook his head. “Peter’s always been perceptive. He knows that Enobaria is bad news, even for a District 2 tribute.”

Hayley sighed. “I hate having to deal with a psychopath. Now that she knows that I’m working with you, Lilith, she won’t respond to any of my notes or signals.”

Lilith shifted uncomfortably. She was regretting killing Quartz more and more as it became clear that she and Enobaria had been a couple. You don’t have a relationship with a friend that makes you dream of their death in your sleep a year later. Although who was Lilith to know? She hadn’t had a single close friend outside of her family until after the Hunger Games. 

The cameras went back to Harlan, who was finally moving from her spot. Zachary had returned from a hunt (there were rodents scampering around that were apparently delicious when cooked) and the small alliance had an animal dung-fueled fire going. Lilith was surprised that the Careers hadn’t come across them by accident; they were quite loud at night and constantly made fires. 

Harlan snuck around the side of the cave and was crouched by the entrance, ready to spring at the next tribute that appeared from it, when the ground began to rumble. She saw what was beginning to happen at the Cornucopia and began to run, abandoning any plans she might have had. 

Tatiana was closest when the metal of the Cornucopia began to twist and deform. She, Paulson, and Enobaria stared in disbelief as the ground around it began to rise in a rocky, snowy mass, eating the structure and supplies closest to it. Then everything seemed to happen at once.

“Run!” Paulson screamed when Tatiana stumbled and whatever was coming out of the ground spread to the edge of the supplies. 

“I don’t think so.” Enobaria moved, landing a knife into Tatiana’s gut and grabbing a sword. Paulson exploded in fury, tackling his ally and sending her flying. This actually helped Enobaria because she was farther away from the event at the Cornucopia. She and Paulson both decided to run then, though they were bound to have a fight in the next few minutes. 

Moira cursed. Hayley babbled out an apology. The rest of the mentors were totally focused on the screen, riveted by the action. 

There were two crises for two alliances at once, because the rumbling had sent a pile of rubble down on Ilana. The girl was somehow still alive, moaning faintly, only her head and shoulders visible. 

“Zach!” George hissed. “Leave her, we have to go!”

“No- no, we can save her,” Zachary said, a confused look in his eyes. “Ilana is our ally. We have to try.”

“I’m right here,” Ilana managed to say, “and- and I want you to l-leave me. I’m do-doomed.”

“See? Let’s go!” George exclaimed and took his knife and the bag that he had managed to save. 

“Ilana, it’s okay, you’ll be okay,” Zachary cooed, but the girl had already fallen still. The pool of blood seeping under her grew with every vital second that slipped away. A cannon boomed and Enobaria and Paulson raced by, totally ignoring George.

“She’s dead. Come on!” George insisted, coming to crouch down beside Zachary, who was shaking with silent sobs. 

“No. No. No. No. NO!” Zachary cried. The look in his eyes had turned wild, and Lilith knew in that moment that the Games had broken him. “She’s fine. I just need to get her out.”

“Zachary, we don’t have time! Let’s go,” George said, careful now. Zachary turned with an agility he had never demonstrated before and leapt on top of George, stabbing the other boy in the chest with a knife, repeating the motion over and over long after tha cannon had sounded. He died when the ground changed to writhing ice and rocks, transforming from teenager to mess of blood and flesh in only seconds. 

“Damn boy should have run,” Gina grumbled. She, Cecelia, and Hayden left together without wishing anyone else well. 

Enobaria and Paulson stopped after a full ten minutes of running. They immediately pounced on each other in a short, brutal fight that ended with Enobaria tearing out Paulson’s throat in front of a gigantic rising mountain. 

“That’s going to be the crowning shot of these Games,” Nolan snorted. “Good game, Hayley.”

“The crowning shot?” Lilith asked with a confused frown. 

“The picture that the media uses as the hook for a Hunger Games,” Nicholas explained. “Last year, it was you going at your District partner with a bloody machete, one arm, and a determined look on your face.”

“Great. Just what I would want,” Lilith groaned. “Oh well.”

“Let’s focus on the Games,” Daria said tightly. Enobaria had barely managed to clean herself off before Rachel and Peter found her, quite a bit away from Paulson’s body. 

“Holy shit. That thing destroyed half the Arena!” Peter exclaimed.

“I don’t know what happened,” Enobaria said shakily. She was a decent actress, Lilith thought, though Peter didn’t seem to trust her. “You two left, then there was rumbling, then Tatiana became a pulp by the Cornucopia! Paulson and I ran. He must have fallen behind, because I heard a few cannons.”

“I heard five. So, the three kids near us and District 1?” Rachel guessed. “Well, let’s get away from here.”

“What’s happening now?” Killian wondered as the cameras shifted from the remaining Careers to Harlan, who was limping and bleeding from her leg. 

Daria winced. “Is she near the mutts?”

“Shit!” Brianna shouted as the bears came together once again, following Harlan’s blood-scent. The girl realized what was happening when she heard their howls. 

“I’m sorry, Mama,” Harlan whispered, eyes wet with tears. “I can’t die like this.” She pulled her knife out of her belt and shoved it into her chest. She hit the heart and toppled over, dying instantly.

“Top eight, at least.” Brianna sighed. “There’s always next year.” She left the room only slightly before Nolan and Moira, both of whom had young children waiting in District 1. 

The action settled down with two separate groups. Evening came with the reveal of the deaths. Tatiana. Paulson. Zachary. George. Ilana. Harlan. 

“That many?” Shale asked. “This means that we’re in the top five! This is great!”

“No, actually,” Greta corrected him quietly. “There are three Careers and us. They’ll be targeting us now.”

“True. But how well do you think they can climb mountains?” Shale countered. “If we start tonight and be careful about it, we can get some distance and lengthen the chase. We have food and water and weapons.”

“We should go now, then,” Greta agreed. She and Shale slipped out of their cave after refilling water and eating a small meal, ready to play a game of survival.

“Where are you going?” Daria asked when Lilith began to pack up. “This is an important night to watch.” 

“I have a client. Let me know what happens,” Lilith said. “See you tomorrow morning.”

It was almost a relief to leave the mentor room, even if it was for sex. The next few days promised to be exciting and Lilith mentally prepared herself for more gore and death. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Death Toll: 19  
> Tatiana (D1F)- killed by Enobaria (D2F) on Day 8  
> Paulson (D1M)- killed by Enobaria (D2F) on Day 8  
> Zachary (D5M)- crushed by rising mountain on Day 8  
> George (D6M)- killed by Zachary (D5M) on Day 8  
> Ilana (D8F)- crushed by rocks on Day 8  
> Harlan (D9F)- suicide on Day 8
> 
> Kill Count:  
> Enobaria (D2F): 4  
> Rachel (D4F): 4  
> Tatiana (D1F): 2  
> Paulson (D1M): 2  
> Peter (D2M): 2  
> Oyster (D4M): 2  
> Axel (D7M): 1  
> Zachary (D5M): 1  
> Harlan (D9F): 1


	38. Chapter 37

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Games get more interesting.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: semi-graphic torture, death, violence, grief

_Greta and Shale made it up the mountain that night, unseen by Lilith, and it took half a day for the Careers to realize it._ They scoured the (much smaller) Arena and then came across the cave that the other alliance had been staying in. 

“There’s trash on the floor,” Peter said, leaning down to pick up a jerky wrapper. “And look- small footprints.”

“They look pretty old,” Rachel said. “Let’s follow.”

The Careers tracked the footprints to the base of the mountain, where they suddenly disappeared. “Damn Gamemakers must have done something with the snow,” Haymitch groaned. 

“They’re on the mountain. We should follow suit,” Peter decided. 

“Not without our stuff,” Enobaria countered. “I’ll go back to get the little that we have.”

“Not alone. What if the bears suddenly go crazy?” Peter asked. “Rachel, stay here in case our prey tries to come back this way. Enobaria and I will be back soon.”

“He’s being too obvious,” Nicholas said with worry shining in his blue eyes. “Keep up the act and turn on her later, Peter, don’t give her time to kill you!” He shouted at the screen. Lilith winced, knowing that her fellow Victor was right to worry over his brother’s safety. She knew that there would be action in a few minutes, but first, she needed to send something to Greta and Shale.

“What is the cheapest thing you can send?” Lilith asked Killian quietly when she got over to his and Haymitch’s station.

“Let’s see.” Killian clicked a bit on his computer, pulling up a chart of possible gifts. “Cecelia and Gina were nice enough to give their alliance’s sponsorship money to Greta and Shale’s accounts, and some came in after their sneakiness last night, so we can actually send something helpful. Things are getting more expensive, but gloves for each of them could work. What should the message with them be?”

“I will write it. I need to tell them the Careers are on their tail,” Lilith said. She typed a message into the offered text box ( _The hounds are on your trail. Be swift. -Lilith)_ , and then the gift was sent. 

“What did you do?” Nicholas demanded when Lilith got back to her chair.

“I warned the kids that they are being chased,” the young woman replied. “I care for them, too, you know.”

“Fair enough.” Daria inclined her head towards the screen. “Now hush, it’s getting exciting!”

Peter and Enobaria had returned to the cave that they had stayed in the night before and were packing up in a frosty silence, eventually broken by the District 2 female. “Is there a reason you wanted to get me alone?”

“Not really. I just wanted some more walking today,” Peter replied. His shoulders had tightened at the question.

“I don’t think that’s true,” Enobaria said lightly. She was standing above a crouched Peter now, one hand resting on the hilt of her knife. “You don’t trust me, unlike Rachel. And guess what? You shouldn’t.”

Peter belatedly realized his mistake went for his sword, but Enobaria had already pinned him and kicked it away. “I should have killed you in your sleep a week ago!” He snarled.

“Yes,” Enobaria agreed with a wicked grin. “You should have. Now, I’ll make this relatively quick.” She slammed Peter’s head against the cave floor, distracting him, then slit through his hamstrings. Nicholas let out a pained moan with his brother, beginning to shake with horrified sobs. Lilith reached out to comfort the young man, wishing that Enobaria would hurry up. Hayley’s eyes were wide and she was whispering apologies under her breath; Daria stared straight ahead coldly, knowing that Rachel was next. 

Enobaria took her time with Peter, grinning like a maniac. She began with his arms, creating even, well-placed lines of bright red blood. The boy cried out as he tried to writhe away, but Enobaria held him in place firmly and continued her torture. She moved to his chest, then his legs, then, when she had gotten tired of his cursing at her, his face. It was only ten minutes later, when she finally slit his throat, that the cannon finally shouted.

“This is all your fault!” Nicholas screamed suddenly, glaring balefully at Lilith, who drew back. “If you hadn’t killed her fucking girlfriend and been so strong, she wouldn’t feel the need to do this!”

“I know. I know, and I never wanted this for Peter,” Lilith said. She bit her lip before admitting that she hadn’t wanted to kill Norman, either. 

“This isn’t Lilith’s fault. Two of her siblings are known as particularly psychopathic Peacekeepers in District 2, and her mother was batshit crazy,” Hayley said, showing a backbone against Enobaria’s actions for the first time. “Died in an asylum two years ago. It’s a family trait, psychopathia.”

“That doesn’t make this any better!” Nicholas shouted. “But- but I don’t really think that Lilith caused Peter’s death. I did what I had to in my Games, it just- it still hurts. I’ve lost two brothers and a father in a year, you know?”

Lilith hadn’t known about Nicholas’ father, but hid her surprise. “I can imagine that’s hard. Now, why don’t we talk outside? I am not particularly good at comfort, but I can try.”

Nicholas nodded, tears streaming down his face. Hayley stayed to watch a furious Rachel, who Daria had been able to warn about her ally’s treachery, fight Enobaria as Lilith led the devastated Victor out into the hallway, spurred by Killian’s supportive look. “I want to leave here,” Nicholas said faintly. “Just... not my damn mansion either. Anywhere else.”

“I will take you to my apartment. My driver will take a few minutes to get here. Do you want to talk about Peter?” Lilith asked gently. 

“Like- like how he died?” Nicholas sniffled.

“No. What he was like, his personality, his dreams, his friends.” Lilith was glad when Nicholas launched right into a soliquoly on his brother, because she needed to contact Howard and text Mila about the situation.

“Peter is my favorite brother. I hate to admit it, but he is. He’s clever and loyal and a joy to be around. He has this huge group of friends that just adore him, and a long string of past lovers. Girls and boys, he doesn’t care, I don’t care. I would say he’s not great with keeping a relationship, but he’ll learn in time. I mean- he would have. He’s dead. Dead. Dead. No, I can’t- what did he want to do? Well, first off, he thought that being a Victor was the best thing in the world. I couldn’t bring myself to correct him. If you haven’t noticed, it’s not always fun and games, but it certainly has its advantages.We used to be hungry. I used to think that we starved, but looking at the other tributes in the Games and hearing some of their stories, seeing their desperation for lunch food and wonder at the Capitol, made me realize we were just hungry. Peter came to understand this too, and it broke his poor innocent heart. Because, despite his social confidence and swagger in the training room and lovers, he never realized the true cruelty of the world. And that was one of his best qualities, always seeing the best side of things.”

“He sounds great,” Lilith said, shooting nervous glances at Peacekeepers lined up along the wall as she pulled the misty-eyes Nicholas through the halls. “Now, my driver is here, so are you fine with him hearing about Peter?”

“He’s just a mindless worker. It’s fine,” Nicholas said with a slight sneer. Lilith resisted the urge to correct his bias, waving at Howard and helping Nicholas into the taxi. The driver stayed silent, taking in every word that the Victor spoke, conscious of his grief.

“So- so one time, Peter saw a few of his friends bullying a female classmate. She’s wicked smart, Helena Carlson, still is, two years ahead of her age group in school. The boys didn’t like the fact that she was beating them in tests and decided to beat her up one day after school.”

“What did Peter do?” Lilith prompted.

“He stopped his friends, told them that he would stop talking to them if they didn’t apologize to Helena. One didn’t, but the others made peace. Helena became one of his closest friends, though they eventually drifted apart when she went to the University last year and he went into an intense training program.” Nicholas paused his story and frowned at the building they had just pulled up to. “Why are we at Mila’s apartments?”

“Half of the Victors keep residences here, including me,” Lilith said with slight puzzlement. “But we are going to talk to Mila. She is better at this than I am. Thank you, Howard. Pick me up at 20:00 tonight, please.”

“Will do. See you then.” Howard drove away quickly, probably off to pick up another client. 

Mila was wonderful with Nicholas from the moment she saw his red eyes and slumped, heartbroken posture. She knew exactly what to say and had Nicholas curled up on her bed in twenty minutes, on the phone with his mother and surviving brother, playing the supportive role. 

“I love you,” Lilith said dreamily, walking over to kiss her girlfriend. Mila giggled.

“Me too, but where did these cuddles come from? You’re not usually hands-on.”

“You just calmed him down totally. In no time at all. How do you do that?”

Mila shrugged her shoulders humbly. “It’s not some special ablility. I’ve just known him for half of my life and what makes him tick.” Her face darkened. “Did you see Enobaria and Rachel’s fight?”

Lilith shook her head. “No, Nicholas needed to leave that room and I got him out. What happened?”

“Rachel fought hard, but Enobaria killed her. A cheap shot to the stomach with her dagger. That girl is disgusting!” 

“She is a Victor,” Lilith said simply. Mila sighed and acknowledged the truth of that statement, then directed the subject to lighter fare. 

The girlfriends stayed together until Lilith had to leave for yet another appointment, watching non-Hunger Games TV, eventually with Nicholas and Seeder. It was a nice evening after a scarring morning. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Death Toll: 21  
> Peter (D2M): killed by Enobaria (D2F) on Day 9  
> Rachel (D4F): killed by Enobaria (D2F) on Day 9
> 
> Kill Count:  
> Enobaria (D2F): 6  
> Rachel (D4F): 4  
> Tatiana (D1F): 2  
> Paulson (D1M): 2  
> Peter (D2M): 2  
> Oyster (D4M): 2  
> Axel (D7M): 1  
> Zachary (D5M): 1  
> Harlan (D9F): 1


	39. Chapter 38

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Games end.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: violence, panic attacks, sexual assault, death

_ Lilith was beginning to realize that her Games had been quite short as Enobaria chased Shale and Greta day after day, slowly working through her supplies. On Day 12, she attended a party at Jillian Richardson’s. _ She found that one of the only things to distract her from the woman’s constant comments about her skill in bed was listening to the other Capitol citizens.

“Oh, you were wonderful last year!” One yellow-haired woman cried when she saw Lilith. “So smart! I was a little unhappy that you killed my tributes, but oh well. They were small anyway.”

Jillian, who was the most socially adept woman Lilith had ever seen, simpered at the Victor’s confusion. “Don’t be rude! Introduce yourself to Lili. Lili, this is Effie Trinket, Escort for District 12. She’s not the brightest bulb.”

Effie frowned but then brightened again when Lilith spoke to her. “I apologize for that, but you see, I wanted to win. You have a chance this year, though.”

“I know! Little Greta is so cute. Her sister was nicer,” Effie frowned. “If she wins, maybe I can move on to a better District! I don’t think I’ll ever get used to the lack of manners with those tributes.”

“Great, Effie. Why don’t you go eat some more food? You’re fat anyway, after all,” Jillian practically snarled. Effie squeaked and scuttled away, blue eyes wide, to the giggles of the garishly decorated women around her. 

“What is so upsetting about her?” Lilith asked Jillian, who had her securely by the shoulders and was feeling her up every so often. 

“Her parents were rebels. They posed as  _ loyal  _ citizens, but they were secretly giving out food to District 6 prisoners! Food that is best used here. Effie has proven her loyalty and was very young when they were discovered, but still, she’ll never be able to escape that stain.” Jillian made a face. “But don’t worry your pretty little head about it. She won’t be able to touch you.”

_ Yeah, sure, only you can _ , Lilith snarked in her head. But being Jillian’s favorite had its advantages, and this became even clearer when Lilith met all of the Gamemakers, who were gathered around a pink glass table and eating mini-sandwiches. 

“Miss Hardy.” Kayla Jolson, a short, fit, black-haired woman with calculating green eyes, held out her hand. “It is lovely to finally meet you.”

“My pleasure,” Lilith said. She shook Kayla’s hand as she scanned the rest of the Gamemakers. There was Erudice Willowshine, Garius’ mother and the elder mutt engineer; Hallina Snow, looking resplendent in a light golden dress; Marcus Lychee, head of the commission handling drones and sponsorship gifts that consisted of Wisp Moth and Seneca Crane; Français Le Vaille, communications director to the government; and finally Plutarch Heavensbee, Mayor Heavensbee’s brother and the one who manned the control room in the Arena. Kayla Jolson was the one who made most of the decisions regarding where the Arena would be and what it would look like. There weren’t many for such a huge job, but they clearly managed to pull it off every year. 

“You have been doing a wonderful job this year. The mountain was a work of genius,” Lilith continued, the praise bringing a smirk to Kayla’s face. 

“Well, you kept it exciting last year. The mountain was supposed to feature then, but we decided to hold it off after the Bloodbath. It’s not often a non-Career kills eight on the first day then wins in a week, you know.” Kayla was one to watch out for, Lilith realized as she spoke; the way her words were carefully chosen and dripped with intelligence reminded her of President Coin. 

“I am honored.” Lilith bowed slightly. “Mrs. Willowshine, I am acquainted with your son, but I have never had the privilege to meet you before.”

“Garius speaks highly of his favorite tribute. He was so worried when you were in the hospital after the Games! It was quite sweet.” Erudice grinned, flashing white teeth a contrast to her black skin. 

“I did get severely injured. Kite was not willing to go down without a fight.” Lilith noted that Jillian had backed off, seemingly surprised at the Victor’s social adeptness. She also wouldn’t make eye contact with Kayla. 

“It’s all part of the Games, isn’t it?” Plutarch asked. The group shared a laugh, and the conversation continued. Before Lilith knew it, most of them were drunk and two hours were gone along with Jillian. 

“So,” Hallina slurred. “I heard that you’re fucking Mila Riverwill.”

Lilith froze. She and Mila had made time to have sex together the night before, saddened after watching a replay of the top five interviews. Rachel’s family, two fathers and a twenty-year-old brother, were stiff in their speech and mostly talked about how they had expected better. Enobaria’s parents had been full of pride for their daughter’s accomplishments, and her obviously psychopathic sister had cheered on the girl’s cruelty. 

The next three had just been one heartbreak after another. Nicholas’ mother Julia and eleven-year-old brother Hunter, brought in from District 2, had sobbed through the entire thing and left the talking to a red-eyed Nicholas. That family had suffered the loss of two sons in the Games and the father, Jack, to cancer in the span of only a year. The Moreys had three children under the age of fifteen and just wanted their son back. Everett and Max, the younger brothers, looked shellshocked, while the fourteen-year-old Hermione had silent tears running down her face. She looked exactly like Shale with pale brown skin and messy hair, but had a thinner face. Meanwhile, the Birds seemed just as dysfunctional as the year before. Opal chirped on about how Greta needed to betray Shale to win while Kieran sat in silence, dead drunk.

So sex with the woman Lilith loved was a welcome break. All of these thoughts raced through her head in a single second, then Lilith replied to Hallina’s comment casually.

“We have a connection, and that sometimes includes sex.”

“Hey, fair enough! I don’t care.” Hallina grinned sloppily. “She’s pretty. Was my favorite Victor before you came along.”

“Lilith!” Jillian squaked from across the room. “Come here, meet more of my friends!”

“Duty calls. It was lovely to meet you all and I hope to see you again,” Lilith said smoothly. When the party ended an hour later at one in the morning, she went back to her apartment and jotted down every bit of information she had gotten from the Gamemakers and other party guests. The lack of sleep was worth it. 

Lilith was working out every day now. She had gone back to Dr. North for the pain in her foot the morning before and he had given her a device that immediately healed a stress reaction. “Keep it. If you insist on running, these things will happen. Just use it on any injury and you’ll be good to go!” 

Technology was a marvel. Lilith was running fifty miles a week, now with no pain. She had signed up for a 5 kilometer race taking place in few weeks back in 11, with mostly Peacekeepers trying to keep in shape. It would be interesting to see what she could pull off. 

Lilith got to know the three other Victors in the mentoring room extremely well that week. She helped Hayley through several anxiety attacks about Enobaria’s actions, bonded with Haymitch over life experiences, and trained with Killian, much to the others’ amusement. She watched the onscreen chase with fascination.

Greta really proved her worth and intelligence, portioning the rations out perfectly to fuel her and Shale while making them last. Enobaria had started out with much less than the younger children and was half-crazy with hunger on Day 15, when she stumbled over a few more sharp, icy, jutting rocks right int Greta and Shale’s camp.

“Shit!” Greta cursed. Shale lunged at the older girl with a knife, but she dodged, gritting her teeth in fury. Greta joined the fray, chucking a sharp stone and striking Enobaria in the thigh.

“You can throw pebbles all you want, little girl. But I will be Victor and I will not die today.” Enobaria kicked Shale in the stomach, sending him tumbling away breathless, and threw herself at the wily Greta. This violence sent Lilith into a vivid flashback, triggering her in a way that nothing else had this entire Games.

_ When I was a babe I fell down in the holler. _

_ When I was a girl I fell into your arms. _

_ We fell on hard times and we lost our bright color. _

_ You went to the dogs and I lived by my charms. _

Shale swung wildly at Enobaria, missing her. But Kite hadn’t missed, tearing a hole in Lilith’s stomach, spilling blood all over her already-dirty front. The pain hadn’t even registered as Lilith retaliated with a stinging blow to his thigh.

_ I danced for my dinner, spread kisses like honey. _

_ You stole and you gambled and I said you should. _

_ We sang for our suppers, we drank up our money. _

_ Then one day you left, saying I was no good. _

Three minutes later, Shale was dead, guts spilling on the ground, brown eyes wide with the horror of death. Lilith was reminded of the look in Kite’s eyes an hour into their fight; he’d given up long before actually dying, his movements like a zombie’s.

_ Well, all right, I'm bad, but then, you're no prize either. _

_ All right, I'm bad, but then, that's nothing new. _

_ You say you won't love me, I won't love you neither. _

_ Just let me remind you who I am to you. _

Killian was comforting Lilith while shaking Hayley’s hand, resigned to another failure. More blood on his hands. Greta danced away from Enobaria’s throwing knife, tears streaming down her face. 

_ 'Cause I am the one who looks out when you're leaping. _

_ I am the one who knows how you were brave. _

_ And I am the one who heard what you said sleeping. _

_ I'll take that and more when I go to my grave. _

Jay’s accusations flitted through Lilith’s mind. Wrong for love. Wrong for murder. Wrong for survival.

_ It's sooner than later that I'm six feet under. _

_ It's sooner than later that you'll be alone. _

_ So who will you turn to tomorrow, I wonder? _

_ For when the bell rings, lover, you're on your own. _

Six feet under. Just like Greta soon, with Enobaria’s teeth sunk into her throat. Haymitch, who had been so hopeful and was on a weeklong sober stretch, let out a pure howl of agony and lunged at Hayley. Peacekeepers dragged him away before he could do any harm. 

_ And I am the one who you let see you weeping. _

_ I know the soul that you struggle to save. _

_ Too bad I'm the bet that you lost in the reaping. _

_ Now what will you do when I go to my grave? _

“Lilith. You’re okay, honey,” Killian cooed. She came back to herself then, and realized that the sound on all of the screens were off. Killian and Hayley, who didn’t seem happy at all about her tribute’s victory, were sitting by Lilith’s side. The eighteen-year-old worked to control her breathing and slowly shifted out of her crouched position.

“I will be. Sorry, that was a little much. So it’s finally over?” 

“Yeah. Year one.” Killian patted her on the back. “Get ready for many more, kid. You’d better learn to adjust.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Death Toll: 23  
> Shale (D11M)- killed by Enobaria (D2F) on Day 15  
> Greta (D12F)- killed by Enobaria (D2F) on Day 15
> 
> Kill Count:   
> Enobaria (D2F): 8 (winner)  
> Rachel (D4F): 4  
> Tatiana (D1F): 2  
> Paulson (D1M): 2  
> Peter (D2M): 2  
> Oyster (D4M): 2  
> Axel (D7M): 1  
> Zachary (D5M): 1  
> Harlan (D9F): 1


	40. Known Characters after the 62nd Hunger Games

**Victors**

1st Hunger Games: Thea Gorse- 1 F- Deceased

2nd Hunger Games: Everett Wilson- 5 M- Deceased

3rd Hunger Games: Tre Fahlson- 11 M- Deceased

4th Hunger Games: Kieran Palpatine- 8 M- Deceased (rebel)

5th Hunger Games: Callie Glitter- 1 F- Living (rebel)

6th Hunger Games: Hammer Pound- 2 M- Deceased

7th Hunger Games: Sharon Gayer- 1 F- Deceased 

8th Hunger Games: Quirrel Gayer- 1 M- Living (rebel)

9th Hunger Games: Wave Smith- 4 F- Living (rebel)

10th Hunger Games: Lucy Gray Baird- 12 F- Deceased (rebel)

11th Hunger Games: Mags Flanagan- 4 F- Living (rebel)

12th Hunger Games: Fabian Burke- 1 M- Deceased

13th Hunger Games: Dustin Green- 3 M- Deceased

14th Hunger Games: Shelley Nylon- 2 F- Living (rebel)

15th Hunger Games: Gina Raxson- 6 F- Living

16th Hunger Games: Martin Oyster- 4 M- Living

17th Hunger Games: Woof Casino- 8 M- Living

18th Hunger Games: Grant Shade- 2 M- Living

19th Hunger Games: Vivianna Keller- 1 F- Living

20th Hunger Games: Brianne Mole- 9 F- Living

21st Hunger Games: Birch Axel- 7 M- Living

22nd Hunger Games: Wendy Shine- 1 F- Living

23rd Hunger Games: Marianne Lyons- 2 F- Living

24th Hunger Games: Daria Parsons- 8 F- Living

25th Hunger Games: Johnathan Hirschi- 5 M- Deceased

26th Hunger Games: Flash Johnson- 1 M- Living

27th Hunger Games: Greer Everly- 10 M- Living

28th Hunger Games: Rachel Powellen- 7 F- Living (rebel)

29th Hunger Games: Sandy Swirl- 4 F- Deceased

30th Hunger Games: Seeder Howell- 11 F- Living (rebel)

31st Hunger Games: Opal Veeria- 1 F- Living

32nd Hunger Games: Rocket Faydren- 1 M- Living

33rd Hunger Games: Beetee Latier- 3 M- Living

37th Hunger Games: Faydra Naismith- 1 F- Living

38th Hunger Games: Jason Shard- 9 M- Living

39th Hunger Games: Maulus Naismith- 1 M- Living

40th Hunger Games: Wiress Langston- 3 F- Living

41st Hunger Games: Perch Trident- 4 M- Living

42nd Hunger Games: Blight Branch- 7 M- Living (rebel)

43rd Hunger Games: Hayley Washington- 2 F- Living 

44th Hunger Games: Apple Peach- 1 F- Living

45th Hunger Games: Chaff Mitchel- 11 M- Living

46th Hunger Games: Killian Haze- 11 M- Living (rebel)

47th Hunger Games: Brutus Xavier- 2 M- Living

48th Hunger Games: Chandler Justice- 8 M- Living

49th Hunger Games: Moira Prince- 1 F- Living

50th Hunger Games: Haymitch Abernathy- 12 M- Living (rebel)

51st Hunger Games: Marlon Johnson- 8 M- Living

52nd Hunger Games: Cecelia Willow- 8 F- Living 

53rd Hunger Games: Bree Pine- 10 F- Living

54th Hunger Games: Janet Opal- 5 F- Living

55th Hunger Games: Diana Maris- 4 F- Living

56th Hunger Games: Nicholas Rockwell- 2 M- Living

57th Hunger Games: Hayden Lucky- 5 M- Living

58th Hunger Games: Nolan Veeria- 1 M- Living

59th Hunger Games: Ariana Killgrave- 1 F- Living

60th Hunger Games: Mira Riverwill- 2 F- Living (rebel)

61st Hunger Games: Lilith Hardy- 11 F- Living (rebel)

62nd Hunger Games: Enobaria Ovaline- 2 F- Living

**Capitol Citizens**

Jillian Richardson- businesswoman and gossiper

Howard Dustin- taxi driver for Lilith Hardy

Janice, Gina, Rafael, Mycenae Dustin- Howard’s family

Bernie Buskin- businessman

John- Avox

Nina- Avox

Yolanda- Avox

Elton Williams- owner of Capitol Café and rebel agent

Coriolanus Snow- President

Ceasar Flickerman- host of the Hunger Games

Kayla Jolson- head Gamemaker for the Hunger Games

Tatiana Butterfly- prep team for District 11

Melon Butterfly- prep team for District 11

Avery Butterfly- prep team for District 11

Garius Willowshine- stylist for District 11 

Carson Gradient- teacher for Victors at the University

Herbert and Glinda Jacobite

Dr. Patricia Gorse- orthodontist

Dr. Xavier North- official physician for Victors

Shadow Shade- government agent, Information sector (spy)

Caroline Banner- therapist for Autistic children; also translator for deaf children

Emily Fairysong- journalist for _The Capitol Times_

Hallina Snow- Gamemaker

Grayson Snow- president’s son

Chalis Ophelia- District 2 escort 

Ilinican Everheart- District 11 Escort

Effie Trinket- District 12 Escort

Erudice Willowshine- Gamemaker, mutt engineer

Marcus Lychee- head of the Sponsor Commission, Gamemaker 

Wisp Moth- Marcus Lychee’s second-in-command, Gamemaker

Seneca Crane- Marcus Lychee’s assistant, Gamemaker specializing in hovercrafts

Français Le Vaille- communications director, Gamemaker

Plutarch Heavensbee- heads control room during Hunger Games, Gamemaker

  
  


**District Citizens**

Frederick Early- head Peacekeeper for District 11 West region

Lopedius Heavensbee- mayor of District 11

Helga, Willie, Everly Wylde- District 1

Harlan Gustin- District 1

Gina Wire- District 3

Tide, Shell Waters- District 4

Hunter, Julia Rockwell- District 2, Nicholas Rockwell’s family

George Everett- District 6 mayor

Rachel Justice- District 8, Chandler Justice’s wife 

Kieran, Opal Bird- District 12

Jay, Brandon, Ursula, Nathan Hardy- District 11, Lilith Hardy’s family

Piter, Carson, Oliver, Jason, Helena Riverwill- District 1, Mila Riverwill’s family

Jacob Nelson- District 11, Killian Haze’s partner

Helena Carlson- District 2, student at the University in the Capitol

Miranda, Winslow, Hermione, Maxwell, and Everett Morey- District 11


	41. Chapter 39

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lilith finishes up in the Capitol.

_Lilith stayed in the Capitol for only four more days, just tying up loose ends. She was able to meet with Carson briefly and they agreed to increase the intensity of her classes._ The more challenges and distractions at home, the better to avoid Jay.

The Capitol wasn’t all bad. The streets were actually wonderful to run on in the early morning, and Lilith clocked in a relatively hard thirteen miles with Nicholas. He didn’t speak at all, the lost look in his eyes from grief seeming to take over sometimes. Lilith diverted her mind from her worries by pulling him away from people on the street. This run also almost made her late to an interview with Emily Fairysong, and Howard once again pulled through with his fast driving.

“This is the second time. You have five minutes to go!” Emily hissed through a brilliant smile. 

“My apologies,” Lilith replied. She shifted in the uncomfortable blue dress that she had thrown on in a rush, wanting for this to be over with.

The interview was held in the same rom as before and it seemed like the press made up half of the audience. Lilith smiled and waved anyway, needing to keep her focus. 

“It’s so nice to have you back! What an exciting finish to the Games, right?” Emily asked. “Those kids gave Enobaria a run for her money, really!”

“I agree. Greta was especially clever and strong, though she tended to stay away from the action, which got her less air time,” Lilith said. “I do think that for a moment, she made it seem like Enobaria would lose. But skill and age eventually prevailed.”

“What a great observation! I have to say, Lilith, you’re quite intelligent and focused in your speech. How did you develop this... what would you call it? Personality? Style?”

“I would call it a style of thought. It is easier for me to analyze situations than feel emotions, at least initially. And as these Games wore on, the internal complexity in the mentoring room just fascinated me. I had access to everything that was going on and that really encouraged the behavior.”

“I have no issue with it! Now, the last time we spoke, you thought that Enobaria would win. You were right! What helped you come to this conclusion?”

Emily asked challenging questions, but not in a negative way. Lilith legitimately had to think about her answers and really appreciated it. “The polls said so, first of all, especially after her 11 in training. The last four winners have scored at least a 10, me included. She certainly made a name for herself, and as much as I am tempted to hold a grudge for Maple, I respect her for what she has done.”

Lilith answered what would have been many questions in a few short sentances, and Emily moved onto different, shallower topics. The interview was over in forty-five minutes. 

“So, my kids have been talking non-stop about you. Even Gina, who hates even the idea of the Hunger Games, likes you,” Howard said after a moment of silence in the taxi. “And Janice has expressed interest in seeing you again. So, what I really want to say is, would you be willing to come over to my house for lunch? I don’t have any other customers this afternoon.” 

Lilith’s first instinct was a resounding yes, but she told herself to be careful. Then common sense said that she had been close with Howard for a year now, even having a few video calls when she was in 11, and the backlash would have been felt by now if there was going to be any. “Sure! I don’t have much else to do today.”

Howard lived on a cozy street with lines of virtually identical houses on neat lawns. Children played all around. “This is great!” Lilith said. “It reminds me of Victors’ Village.”

“Interesting. So, Janice is working in her office, and Mycenae is in charge of her siblings. It may or may not be going well,” Howard joked. But the house beyond a white door was neat, tidy, and quiet. Quiet until a sharp bark rang out.

A black-and-white dog appeared at the top of a set of stairs. Lilith had never seen a pet before and was instantly reminded of the beast that had almost killed baby Ursula after Jay had foolishly let her wander around unattended in the yard. The teenager jerked backwards, reaching instinctively for a weapon.

“What’s wrong?” Gina piped up, ginger braids bouncing as she ran to Lilith. “It’s just Morton. He’s friendly, don’t worry!”

“Have you ever seen a puppy before?” Howard asked curiously, picking up the wriggling dog. It was admittedly cute, with fuzzy fur and floppy ears. A second look told Lilith that it didn’t mean her any harm.

“Dogs are not friendly in District 11. They are starving, miserable creatures, and one severely injured my sister five years ago. But this one seems fine. You said that his name was Morton?”

“Yeah, after my favorite book character!” Rafael said brightly. “We got him four months ago. He was only eight weeks old!”

A rough introduction led to a pleasant experience. Janice made a wonderful meal of chicken stew with rice, a dish that Lilith absolutely fell in love with. It turned out that Janice wrote fictional novels set before the rebellion, a rather brave profession in this day and age. She was pretty safe because she included fantasy and magic that kept the stories unrealistic. And Morton, despite Lilith’s initial fear, soon wriggled his way into her heart.

“You’ve made a new friend! Haven’t you, Morton?” Mycenae cooed at the puppy after lunch as he sat in Lilith’s lap, practically melting with joy as she pet him. “This happens with everyone he meets, no matter how scared they are at first.”

“A pure creature,” Lilith said reflectively. “So, Mycenae, how old are you?”

The little girl grinned. “Nine! I’m much older than Rafael, the baby. And Gina’s six.”

“Oh, you think that your family has an age gap? Guess how much older I am than my youngest siblings.” Lilith switched to her playful mode, thrilled to be around young children again.

“Hm. I think.... three years,” Mycenae said.

“Higher.”

“Four years.”

“Still not there.” Lilith’s smirk grew as Gina and five-year-old Rafael entered the room. Mycenae was jumping up and down in her eagerness to hear the answer.

“Just tell me!”

“I am twelve years older than my twin siblings, Ursula and Nathan. My oldest sibling is fifteen.”

“What? That’s crazy!” Rafael cried in disbelief. “So how do you get along with them?”

“I am more of a parent than a sibling,” Lilith admitted. “But we get along well! What about you guys? What do you think of your parents?”

“They’re cool,” Mycenae said casually. “I don’t like school, though, and they always make me go.”

“I like school,” Gina said shyly. 

“Education will help you later in life. Your parents are good to make you go,” Lilith informed Mycenae. She stayed with the children for another hour, when she had to leave. There was a welcoming party for Enobaria after the recap, and it was formal wear.

Four hours and a session with stylists later, Lilith was at Snow’s mansion, dolled up in a moss-green dress with a plunging neckline and more jewelry than she had ever owned before. Jaylee’s anklet went along quite well with her white heels. 

There were only ten Victors left in the Capitol at this point, half of them elderly. Lilith met the 59th Victor, Ariana Killgrave of District 1, and was in a fascination conversation with her about different types of knives when a brightly dressed woman ran right into her.

“Excuse me, watch where you are going,” Lilith said, but then noticed that the woman was towing an uncomfortable-looking Enobaria with her. The newest Victor wore a flattering white dress, but the sour expression on her bony face countered any comments on her appearance. 

“Oh. Enobaria,” Mila said darkly. She scowled at the young woman while Lilith held a polite hand out. 

“It is nice to meet you, Enobaria. You put on quite the show.”

“I needed to match you.” Enobaria shook Lilith’s hand, but the fury in her eyes made it clear that this was not a friendly encounter. 

“You certainly did. How are you liking the life of a Victor so far?” Lilith steeled her resolve, knowing that the more composed she stayed, the worse everyone else looked. 

“I hope you’re miserable,” Mila snapped. “Just like Peter. Who you _tortured._ ”

“Mira, why don’t you go get us some drinks?” Killian showed up then, giving Mira a warning look. _Be polite or leave._

“What’s her problem? I only did what was necessary,” Enobaria frowned. 

“Nicholas is a close friend of hers. And who might you be, Miss...” Lilith looked to the woman who had dragged Enobaria over.

“Oh! How rude of me. I am Chalis Ophelia, District 2 escort. It’s really wonderful to officially meet you! I was so pleased when you won, even if our tributes didn’t put on a good showing.”

Lilith nodded in agreement with the green-skinned woman’s words and changed the subject at Enobaria’s snarl. “I am happy to be on the other side now.”

“Of course!” Chalis broke into a stream of gossip that Lilith tuned out of, nodding along every so often, watching how Enobaria dodged speaking to Killian and got away as quickly as she could without seeming rude even though Ariana made efforts at conversation. Emily Fairysong, however, had caught the entire encounter and would most likely come out with some sort of article about it. 

The article, titled _Newest Victor Raises Tensions!_ , was all over the Capitol by the next morning. It painted Enobaria in a somewhat sympathetic light as she had just come from the Arena, but Emily really savaged Mila’s attitude.

“‘Mila Riverwill, who won two years ago, proved to be much less hospitable. She let the death of her friend’s brother get in the way of niceties and practically cursed at Miss Ovaline before Mr. Haze stepped in.’” Mila slapped the paper down on her kitchen table, shaking with fury, tears running down her face. “How _dare_ she? I don’t like someone that would torture my best friend’s brother, and I’m going to let her know that. I mean, come on!”

“I understand where you’re coming from, but there is a veneer of respectability that you have to keep up,” Killian said from his chair. “If Lilith and I can get it, I know you’ll be fine.”

“All right. But that doesn’t mean that I have to like her,” Mila grumbled. “Oh, Lilith, I wanted to talk to you. Can I come visit your house? I’ve always wanted to see District 11. You can stay at my house after! My parents are chill with us being together, but they don’t want us to have sex until I’m eighteen. Which is soon.”

“You aren’t eighteen?” Lilith was shocked- Mila was usually so mature and grown-up.

“No, I won at fifteen,” Mila replied. “Anyway, what do you think?”

“Sure. My mother will be an absolute bitch about it, but we can deal with her,” Lilith grinned. “Let’s plan something once we both get home. Speaking of which, we should all be packing.”

Enobaria’s Victory Tour would be starting in District 1, so Lilith and Killian had a few days before they had to start preparing for her arrival. They were scheduled to head home that afternoon and boarded the train once everything they would need was out of their apartments, Lilith giving a final kiss to Mila as she left. 

Chaff, surprisingly, had stayed in the Capitol the entire Games and was sitting in a booth when Lilith and Killian came into the dining car. “Hey, Hardy!” He called, sounding sober and looking organized.

“Yes?” Lilith sat down carefully, setting her bag down beside her.

“I got some things to tell you. You’ll be expected to have some visits with Capitolites this year, so I suggest dolling up an empty house for that.” Chaff’s voice was low and rough from years of drinking, but steady at the moment.

“Really? Why not last year?” Lilith wasn’t surprised, only scared. So not even Distict 11 was safe from rapists. Wonderful.

“First years never have visits outside of the Capitol,” Killian said from the bar. “I didn’t until my third, actually. The house is a good idea- most Capitolites revel in travel and will want to come to you. There probably won’t be many, don’t worry, and they won’t start for a while.”

Lilith spend most of the journey reading the same page of a book, thinking about the Games. She had lost her first tribute in a horrifying way because of her actions last year, a blow that she would have to recover from over time. Speaking to her family would be heartwrenching. But she had also found many new friends and forged connections with all types of people. The layout of the Capitol socioeconomically and physically along with the discovery of Hallina Snow had really gotten her sabotage plan off the ground. 

Now it was time for another year at home, hopefully a fruitful one. The key thing was to just keep moving and adapting to what the world threw at her.


	42. Chapter 40

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lilith gets home and is immediately thrown into family drama.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: offensive (homophobic/ableist) language, cursing, mention of rape/non-con, homophobia, suicidal ideation, mental health issues

_Ten hours later, the train puffed into the West’s small, decrepit station. Lilith felt a rush of relief at the crumbling metal ceiling and faded messages on the wall, but then it turned to concern._ Brandon stood there with Jacob and Seeder, holding the hand of a brown-haired boy that Lilith didn’t recognize. Jay, Ursula, and Nathan were nowhere in sight.

Lilith slipped her bag over her shoulder, frowning, before stepping off of the sleek machine. She accepted Brandon’s delighted hug with a squeeze back and waved at Seeder and Jacob before leaning down to speak with her brother.

What happened? Where are Jay and the twins? She signed rapidly.

I don’t know. Before I explain, you have to meet Kellan, Brandon replied. The teenager that he had been standing with walked over, eyeing Lilith warily. The young woman made an effort to smile at him.

“I’m Kellan. Brandon and I have been dating for a few months,” Kellan said in a voice cracked by late puberty. His handshake was firm and Lilith guessed that he was around sixteen.

Jay found out about us and told me to get out of the house three days ago. Brandon used Lilith’s sign for his mother now- a _j_ \- then a hand with the thumb tucked in out from the chin. _J bitch_ . Would not let me get my things.

A bolt of cold fury shot through Lilith, but she told herself to stay calm. And are you in a safe place now?

Brandon nodded and indicated Jacob, who was having a rather energetic reunion with Killian though they had only been separated for a week. Jacob let me stay, and Seeder offered too. There are many bedrooms for people who only use one.

Good. I will get your things from the house. Stay away from Jay, she’s... Lilith trailed off, not wanting to give into her anger just yet. Are you okay to stay with Killian and Jacob for now? We can figure something out later if necessary.

Seeder, Killian, and Jacob did most of the speaking on the trip back to Victors’ Village, but Lilith got to know Kellan a little bit. He was an energetic, rather nervous boy who had met Brandon half a year before. His maturity told Lilith that he was the oldest or ablest of his siblings and given a lot of responsibility. The fact that he was willing to go half a day out of his way to support Brandon showed that he really did care for her brother. 

Jay wasn’t at the house when Lilith got there, and the twins were nowhere to be seen. Chaff had been dropped off in the North, and the young Victor was left thinking about him. She hadn’t spoken more than five words to him in a year, but he had still warned her about the visiting Capitolites. She would have to make more of an effort to get to know him.

Jay returned that evening, towing a grumpy Ursula and a bouncy Nathan. Lilith had spent the afternoon unpacking and even gotten a short workout in, reacclimating to Seeder’s home gym. Any idea of an immediate confrontation melted away with the sight of the children, who both lit up and rushed towards their sister.

“Lilith! You’re back!” Nathan cried. “Are you going to stay this time?Why did you leave?”

Lilith tried not to let her heartbreak at the boy’s words show. “I was mentoring at the Hunger Games, sweetie. Maybe I’ll take you next year. Do you want to see the Capitol?”

“The Capitol sounds cool!” Ursula declared. “Better than here.”

“Let’s not criticize our home. The Capitol corrupts people,” Jay said, staring with hard eyes at Lilith. 

“Forget that. How has school been going?” Lilith asked. This triggered an evening of interesting discoveries, mostly about Jay’s parenting. 

Surprisingly, Ursula had been able to stay focused in classes and could read basic chapter books by now. Nathan was just as studious and apparently loved math. Their teacher was happy with their progress so far. They had been staying at the daycare that Seeder, who loved children but didn’t want to have any of her own, ran. The issue? It was for the offspring of poor families who needed someone to watch their babies and toddlers. Not for the siblings of Victors with an able-bodied-and-minded parent readily available. 

Lilith waited until dinner was over and the twins were sound asleep before speaking with Jay. “So Brandon and Kellan came to greet me at the train station.”

“Kellan?” Jay wrinkled her nose. “Oh, I found Brandon in bed with a boy. I told him to take his filth eleswhere.”

“I know. Kellan is his boyfriend.” 

“Lilith,” Jay chided, not upset yet. “You know my thoughts on homosexuality. Two boys can’t love each other, it’s unnatural.”

“Well, how about being a supportive mother?” Lilith queried, eyes narrowed, shoulders square, set in a fighting stance. 

“That child will be fine. Raising someone like him isn’t easy, you know, and I just don’t understand why he still has... what is it called? Axeism?”

“Autism. It is a condition that doesn’t go away, and he’s been getting better with support.”

“Anyway, he’s fifteen now. He’ll be fine on his own. All I know is that until he decides to be normal, he won’t set foot in this house. I have young children to protect.” Jay was doing the dished, scrubbing a plate, the water carrying away stains as easily as she had disowned her son. 

“Young children who you won’t take care of?” Lilith challenged, raising her voice now. “Why did you send them to Seeder? I know that you are fine with them at the soup kitchen, so what’s the point of burdening Seeder even more?”

“You have no idea how hard it is to raise them,” Jay sneered. “I love them, of course, and Nathan is pleasant, but Ursula is a little brat. Some of her tantrums could come from a three-year-old! You have to agree with me.”

“Ursula can sometimes act like a brat, yes, but that is not a reason to stop taking care of her. Also, I do half the work! When you can’t watch the kids, I drop what I’m doing and take care of them. I help them with schoolwork-”

“You’re more educated than I am. You can do basic math! I apologize if I never went to school,” Jay spat, venom lacing every word. 

“Fair enough. And I am willing to do all of that, because I love them. Because they are my children too.” Lilith watched as Jay snapped, starting to shout, her eyes flaming and curly hair slipping out of its ties. 

“Oh really? _Your_ children? If you didn’t own the house, I would have already kicked you out! I came across newspapers from the Capitol. Newspapers with you in them! You’ve been sleeping with Capitolites. Old men and women who have fallen for your devious _beauty_ and then you’ve been using their influence! You know, I never thought I would say this, but I don’t recognize my daughter. The girl that worked hard and listened to me and stayed pure. I’ve said it again and I’ll repeat myself one last time. Change or you are not a member of this family, you dirty slut!”

Lilith didn’t feel angry anymore. The fire that coursed through her veins was cool, dark, and ready to burst out. “You know nothing of how the Capitol works, do you? Here, I’ll give an example. Jillian Richardson is one of my clients. She was my first, actually, calling me to her only a few days after my Games. She paid for the medicine that I used to stop the bleeding from my arm, so I go to her and do what she says under the implicit understanding that you and the kids will be punished if I refuse. The same goes with all of my other clients. And as for changing back to what I was? I thought that I already explained this. I have been through hell disguised as the Hunger Games, so of course I’m different. I have more responsibility and an awareness of how the world really works now. Going back to what I once was isn’t possible.”

“Then leave if you refuse to change!” Jay exclaimed. “You’ve always been too precocious for your own good. Now that you’ve found fame and adoration, you don’t want to act like yourself around your family!” 

“I am acting like myself currently.” Lilith didn’t budge from her spot, and Jay’s face reddened. 

“I said leave, Lilith, just like your retarded fag of a brother!”

Lilith moved then, storming up to Jay, who shied away instinctively. She was afraid of her daughter, and that was the crack that broke Lilith’s dam of fury.

“I’m not going to leave! This is my fucking house under my name and that I won! I may just be a pawn, a toy, an object to the Capitol, but you don’t even compute with them. You are a pesky fly on the wall that can be crushed in an instant. Me? I’m exotic, daring, charming, willing. They love me. I do everything right, covering for your humanitarian dreams. Oh, a warning on the soup kitchen. I met a young woman in the Capitol whose parents were executed for giving food to rebel prisoners. She’s a laughingstock though her loyalties lie firmly with the government. You could bring ruin upon us all if even one of your supplicants is a rebel, Jay. 

“Not only are you risking your family’s lives, do you even care? Maybe about the twins, but Brandon is your son. So what if he likes boys? So what if he’s Autistic and needs support? I’ve been with a girl for a year. I’ve met a female Victor married to a woman. I’m gay. And Mila coming in a few weeks whether you want her to or not. You need to use common sense and realize that I have little power from my position, but I can destroy you.”

Jay seemed to deflate with every slow, controlled word that came out of her daughter, but was still defiant. “Stay, then. Do what you like and make your excuses. But do not expect me to love you.”

“I gave up on that a long time ago,” Lilith said wearily. Exhaustion pulled at her, but she needed to help Brandon now. She left Jay standing in the kitchen and headed upstairs, past Ursula and Nathan’s door that was still closed tight, to her brother’s room. His things lay strewn about and the sheets were ruffled; Jay must have walked in on them having sex. Admittedly not a great way to find out about your child’s sexuality. Since Brandon hated having more than a few belongings at a time, it was simple to pack his clothes and school supplies in bags.

“What are you doing?” Jay demanded as Lilith came back down.

“Taking Brandon what he needs.” Lilith was not about to get into another argument with her mother, so she just left. Jacob answered the door when she knocked, Kellan right behind and looking ready to leave in his worn shoes and jacket for the relatively cool night. 

“Oh, is that Brandon’s stuff?” Kellan asked. “Great! Did you get permission from Jay? Has she changed her mind?”

Lilith snorted. “Not at all, but I do own the house. I think that Brandon should give up on Jay accepting him right now. Anyway, I am going to be turning in soon, so can you bring this to Brandon?”

“Yes, of course. And Kellan has a favor to ask you,” Jacob said, sending the boy a pointed look. Kellan shifted nervously on his feet before speaking. 

“Just ask!” Killian called from another room.

“F-fine. MysisterisdyingandIneedyourhelp,” Kellan rushed. Lilith made him say it again to understand. It turned out that his sister April was dying of pneumonia and required Capitol medication to survive, and Kellan wanted Lilith’s help in getting it to her. The teenager agreed, thinking that she could pass this one time off as a burst of humanitarianism. Besides, it wouldn’t do to drive Brandon’s boyfriend away by refusing his heartfelt request.

Lilith slept poorly that night. First, she planned the next year in her head and almost had an anxiety attack thinking about it all. She had made real progress on her heist plan and wanted to finish it and get it to Coin before the next Games. It was vital to keep up her running, and there were some races that Mayor Heavensbee held that she wanted to compete in. The Careers had invited her to their weekly virtual meetings. School would be taking up more of her time, and it was becoming clear that the majority of the responsibility for Nathan and Ursula’s care would fall on her. Not to mention the visits with Capitolites and having to set up a house for that. 

When she finally did drift off, visions of Shale and Maple haunted her. The one she’d worked against and the one she’d failed. Lilith was beginning to realize that the distraction and glitz of the Capitol blocked off her feelings of self-hatred, but they all came rushing back now. 

_Failure_

_You killed Maple and Haven and Norman and Quartz and Hattie and Kite and so many more you know you did_

_You’re just a pawn, a thing for the government_

_You’re driving your family away_

_Jay could turn you in. Stay on her good side!_

_You have to get Ursula and Nathan away from Jay. She will poison their minds and it will be your fault._

_You’re so stupid_

_You’re so behind_

_Mila doesn’t really love you_

_You’re a monster_

_Murderess_

_Murderess_

_Murderess_

_Fat_

_You eat too much_

_Stop eating you’re fat_

_Fat Murderess_

“Shut up,” Lilith whispered. Her fatigue won against the burning in her wrists and the storm in her head, and she sunk off to a fitful sleep. 


	43. Chapter 41

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A day in the life

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: eating disorder, questionable parenting

_ Maybe it was the lack of sleep, but Lilith struggled to understand what Carson wanted to teach her. She had mastered basic math with Mrs. Breeze and was now working on Algebra and Geometry. _ “Why is this so hard?” She exclaimed after staring at a problem for ten minutes. “Mila mastered this years ago. Her damn brother knows this!”

“The Riverwills are a high-class family living in District 2. Both Mila and her grandfather are Victors and have access to the considerable sum in that bank account. You, meanwhile, had no official education and mostly worked until last year. The only reason you’re this advanced is that you work incredibly hard and just pick up on information.” Carson smiled at Lilith. “So it’s okay. I will work with you for as long as you need.”

“Thanks.” Lilith blushed, feeling a rush of warmth flood through her. Carson was a wonderful teacher who had immediately picked up on how much Lilith put pressure on herself and never pushed her past her boundaries. If a lesson went slowly, it never seemed to bother him. He was quite intelligent himself, teaching the basics of many different subjects.

“Lilith!” Ursula rushed in the room, pouting. “I don’t want to do my math.”

“Me neither. Do you want help?” Lilith asked her sister, who nodded enthusiastically. 

“Why don’t you just let them stay in the same room as you? I mean, they come in often enough,” Carson offered. “Anyway, move onto the next problem then come back to that. If you still don’t get it tomorrow, I’ll walk you through it.”

Though Lilith’s workload was less heavy than usual as she had just gotten back from the Capitol, she still had plenty to do. There was a paper on the history of the Hunger Games due in six days and worksheets for her various other subjects, not to mention a chapter to read in a Biology book and notes to take. Still, Lilith didn’t mind. The work was clearly outlined and distracted her from the drama with Jay and her other issues, not least of which was that she needed to prepare for Hallina Snow’s arrival in two weeks. The Gamemaker’s letter inviting herself over had been on the front table when Lilith had gotten home. Luckily, setting up a house for visits would be relatively easy because there was a group of Capitol builders who specialized in setting up Victors’ houses. They had set up Seeder’s gym then her daycare (which Lilith had pulled the twins out of that morning) and were apparently solid, trustworthy men. They would come in a few days’ time to set up a house.

Legs aching from her trail run that morning, Lilith prepared a pasta dish for herself and the twins while helping Ursula through her worksheet. For all of the girl’s tantrums and tempers, she was much more studious than Nathan and always wanted to finish her work ahead of time. She and Lilith bonded over many things, like a love for outdoor activities and reading, so the young woman didn’t mind her sister’s oddities. She didn’t mean any harm. 

Jay entered the kitchen from her room, too busy packing her purse to acknowledge Nathan’s happy greeting. “Lilith, a few of their friends are coming over in an hour. The mothers insist upon coming, so just give them some tea, all right? Bye.”

“Sure. You’re welcome,” Lilith called after her mother’s back, rolling her eyes. 

“She didn’t say hi!” Nathan said sadly. “She never says hi.”

“Jay is just busy,” Lilith reassured her brother. She had been raised by two people who constantly fought and refused to let her siblings face the same fate. If she could do anything well, it was put on a front that everything was fine.

Five children and two women turned up at 14:00, wearing the soiled clothing that was so common in 11. Ursula and Nathan ran off to play with the kids, promising to stay within the bounds of Victors’ Village and check in every so often, while Lilith and the mothers were left standing awkwardly in the front hall. The Victor eventually snapped out of it and held out her hand to the tallest woman. “Sorry for being rude! My name is Lilith.”

“Helen Akhmatova,” the woman said, her pale, wrinkled hand a sharp contrast to Lilith’s smooth, dark one. Her blue eyes had a wary look about them and her jaw twitched, which immediately made Lilith cautious around her. That and the fact that she and her three young children were the first light-skinned, blonde-haired 11 citizens she had ever seen other than Tassel, long dead now.

Meanwhile, Anita Houston, a plump brown woman with a single long braid, put Lilith at ease from the moment she opened her mouth. “No problem! I could never figure out decorum when I was your age. Not that I have the need to now. You might, though, with your trips to the Capitol.”

Lilith grimaced at the mention, then tried to cover it up with a smile. “Well, you are right. Speaking of, do you want to come in, or do you have a shift soon?”

“My husband and older children work now. Ophelia and Lycian are by far my youngest, you see, so the rest of the family decided that I could stay and take care of them after Ryan became old enough to take a shift,” Anita said with a grin.

Helen just shook her head. “I finished this morning. I would love a bit of coffee, if you have it.”

“Of course. We have plenty of food, too. Even butter biscuits, which I have to stay away from because they are quite addictive,” Lilith said. “Please, come into the living room.”

“I want to try the butter bits-biscuits!” A child called from the front door. 

“Go play, Ophelia!” Anita shouted to her daughter, who dutifully ran back outside. Lilith winced at how thin she was, images of Ursula, Nathan, and Brandon looking like that flashing through her head.

“Your siblings look healthy. You, on the other hand, are just skin and bones,” Helen said acidly as she sat on a white chair. 

Lilith sighed lightly as she put on water for the coffee. Why couldn’t others see the truth? “I work out a lot.”

“You run, right? I’ve seen you run through the woods a few times on my morning walks,” Anita said cheerily. “You’re pretty fast. Have you ever tried racing? Mayor Heavensbee holds a few runs at different distances every year.”

“No, actually, though I did run a competitive thirteen miles with another Victor in the Capitol,” Lilith replied, adding coffee grounds to the now-boiling water. She would have to check those out.“It was meant to be easy, but his brother was the one that Enobaria tortured to death, so he needed exercise to distract him.”

Helen winced. “Oh, yes, that wasn’t fun to watch. So, you were there the entire time. What is the story with Enobaria’s savagery? I have been watching the Hunger Games my entire life- it’s mandated, of course- and have never seen anything like that except for that boy from 8 in the 51st Games.”

Lilith debated what to say for a moment before grabbing the pot with one hand (having a fake hand was helpful- she didn’t feel the faux burn that showed up there) and the buiscits with the other. “This usually happens after a Quarter Quell or after a particularly dominant victory. Marlon needed to diferentiate himself after the wild forty-eight-tribute competition and Enobaria had a drive to stand out. I mean, Careers have the most Victors, particularly Districts 1 and 2, but the top three in kill counts are from non-Career Districts. Killian and I have the top spots. Also, I did kill her friend.”

“You seem quite... unapologetic about your kills,” Helen said with narrowed eyes. 

“I needed to survive, and that was the route I chose,” Lilith replied, refusing to fall for the bait. 

“I, for one, am happy that you’re here! Then your mother would have been the host today, and she hasn’t ever offered us anything,” Anita said. It may have been meant to be a joke, but no one laughed. 

“Anyway. I have a question for you two. What was the reaction to my victory?” Lilith suddenly felt shy of these women who sacrificed themselves to give their children a bite of food, who gave birth many times in hopes of having one child live to adulthood. They were a reminder of the life the Hardys had left behind, and it didn’t sit well in Lilith’s stomach.

“You were brilliant!” Anita gushed. “I hated the killing at first, but I’ve watched enough Games to know they were all clean. Merciful. And that fight at the end was thrilling!”

“Not all of them were clean. That poor boy from 12 took at least five minutes to bleed out,” Helen argued.

“Alright, fine. But that was the trap’s fault. You certainly showed that District 11 citizens can beat the odds and survive through hardship. I do wish that you could do more about the conditions that we all live in. Is the government aware of this? I mean, I’m lucky enough to have five living children, but two died as toddlers and another was stillborn.” A glaze of sadness came over her for a moment, then she brightened again. “But the rest of the family is doing fine.”

“I might be able to bring it up,” Lilith said with a skeptical tone. “I am very sorry for your losses, Mrs. Houston.”

“It happens.” Helen shrugged. 

“Lilith!” Ursula’s peppy voice sounded. She raced into the room, limping slightly from a scrape on her knee. “I tripped on a rock!”

“Oh no! Let me get some supplies.” Lilith visibly made her body language more energetic, moving her shoulders more and pasting a smile on her face. She went to the always-available med kit and pulled out a cotton ball, bottle of alcohol, ointment, and bandage. 

Ursula didn’t complain when Lilith sterilized her knee and was right back out when the bandage was securely on.

“You are a much better parent than Jay,” Helen reflected. “She doesn’t bother to hide her negativity. This is what I want my children to see- parents that make an effort to give them hope.”

“Thank you.” Lilith wasn’t sure what to say next, and Anita jumped in with a comment on how lovely the weather had been.

Before Lilith knew it, Helen and Anita were gone with their children and Jay was back for dinner. It was seafood stew, the product a parting gift from Daria, and the incomplete family enjoyed themselves. No one mentioned Brandon’s absence, even Nathan, who adored his older brother. The ball dropped when Ursula asked her question outright near the end of the meal.

“Why were you two shouting last night?”

Lilith and Jay shared a look. The young woman went first, a reassuring smile on her face. “We disagreed over something, sweetie. We were both tired and I was frazzled after coming back from the Capitol. It’s quite the transition. We’ll be getting along in the future, right, Jay?”

Jay nodded slowly. “Sure. As long as-”

Lilith cut her mother off. “She means yes, of course. Now who wants chocolate?”

Jay didn’t speak to Lilith before bed, so the Victor only hoped that she would make an effort. Another hour of work did it for the assignments due the next day, then Lilith fell into the best sleep that she’d had in a while. She could deal with daily life and needed her rest before talking to President Coin in the morning.


	44. Chapter 42

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lilith makes a disturbing discovery.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: suicide attempt, body image issues, eating disorders, language, mention of death and grief

_ Lilith had forgotten how calculating President Coin was. The woman, with slightly red eyes but a smooth demeanor, greeted the Victor with a sharp nod. _ “Right on time.”

“Yes.” Lilith pushed the soreness from her long run that morning away and sat up straighter. “It is nice to see you again, ma’am.”

“You look well. A little skinny, maybe, for the food you have access to,” Coin replied. Lilith considered; since she’d lost weight in the past year, her face was showing more of its bone structure.

“I prefer not to eat much. Anyway, shall we get to the point?”

“Of course. What progress have you made on your sabotage plan? I hope that you took advantage of your popularity in the Capitol.”

“I made a detailed outlay of the city and took notes on any important interactions, especially with Gamemakers. Speaking of which, Hallina Snow will make a good informant, if not spy.”

Coin raised her eyebrows, ice-cold green eyes showing her interest. “The President of Panem’s daughter-in-law?”

“She is stuck in an abusive marriage and turns to mistresses for comfort, as does her husband. I have been able to get close with her and could become one of her partners. It would require me going to the Capitol a few times a week, but I woud be willing to make the effort. She is quite talkative when drunk and tends to share a significant amount of information with her mistresses. Her position as a mutt engineer is not one that can be easily trained, so her spot as a Gamemaker is secure.”

“That sounds promising. Good work. And what of the possibility of turning her into a spy for us?”

Lilith inclined her head, indicating that she was unsure. “I have not even brought up the topic. It is too early and it can be assumed that she is bugged.”

“Acceptable. Do you have any other progress to report?”

“Nothing else so far, but I will continue to gather data. Would you like to see it, or should I send it to your team?” Lilith wasn’t sure why they were both so tense, and she was beginning to fidget with a pen under the desk. 

“Send it to Marina Gorshile, she is the head of my communications team. Mr. Haze or Mr. Nelson will have her contact information. Now I need to update you on what has been happening over here. The sickness has mostly worked itself out, but taken more than half of our population with it. We lost many key workers and are in need of new blood, so if you can think of anyone from the Districts that need to disappear, let my head of military, Charles Boggs, know.”

Lilith nodded. Commenting on the loss of people, probably some close to Coin if her red-rimmed eyes were any indication, did not strike her as the appropriate response. “I certainly will.”

“Also, I heard that you had a fight with your mother,” Coin said abruptly. “What was it about?”

Lilith blinked at the sudden shift in topic. “She removed my brother from the house while I was gone without telling me because she does not approve of his choice in partners. I disagreed with her decision and others around her care of my younger siblings. It got pretty heated.”

“Those seem like decent reasons to disagree, but what you have to understand is that Jay is a flight risk. Her loyalty to us could easily shift, so you need to stay on her good side, or at least not fight with her.”

Lilith sighed and nodded. Coin was right, of course, and it would be wise of the Victor to heed her advice. “Understood. This will not happen again.”

Coin and Lilith fell into an awkward silence, then the President cleared her throat. “Well. Thank you for the update.” She cut off the call, leaving Lilith staring at a blank screen and chuckling to herself. Someone in Coin’s family had definitely died, because she had been so reserved and almost distracted on the short call. 

“How did it go?” Killian asked from the doorway. 

“Pretty well. I’m not sure if you know this or not, but did Coin lose someone? She seemed so off-kilter.”

Killian grimaced. “Yeah. Her husband a few weeks ago, their only daughter just yesterday.”

“That’s horrible.” Lilith shook her head. “No wonder she was so upset. Now, is Brandon available? I need to spend some time with him while Jay is out with the twins.”

It was early afternoon on a beautiful fall day, so Brandon was sitting outside with his work. Lilith tapped him on the shoulder, making him look up and grin at his sister. 

How are you doing? Lilith signed.

Great! This math isn’t very fun, though , he frowned.

This seeems to be a theme with the Hardy siblings . Lilith sat down and looked at Brandon’s paper. He was working on multiplication, not having gotten much education at all. Lilith had tried to teach him the basics, but her pre-Games schedule hadn’t allowed for much free time. Now she helped her brother break down each problem and eventually figure out, an immensely rewarding task also because she managed to get half of her essay done at the same time after bringing her computer out. Jacob came out to serve them delicious sandwiches, and Lilith waited for him to leave before giving half of hers to Brandon.

Absolutely not . Brandon signed angrily, shoving the sandwich back at her.  You need to eat, Lilith, I know that you ran then worked out this morning.

I’m not hungry. Eat. Lilith argued, frowning. Why did her family insist upon shoving fattening food at her? She didn’t need any more after the bowl of cereal that she’d had that morning.

Brandon ended up eating the offered sandwich because he didn’t want to make Jacob feel like they weren’t good, and though he didn’t seem happy about it, Lilith got her way. She was prepared to head to the soup kitchen for Ursula and Nathan after putting her computer away, but Brandon stopped her with an outstretched hand.  All right, now I have something to show you. He led Lilith up through the house to the third floor, stopping below a trapdoor.  This leads to their attic. You know how Jay uses ours for food storage?

Yes, Lilith replied unsurely. Brandon pulled on the rope and a ladder fell down, cracking on the ground. 

I wondered what Killian and Jacob keep up here, so yesterday, I explored up there. And you really need to see it for yourself. Brandon was uncharacteristically serious as he climbed the ladder, gesturing for Lilith to follow. What she saw almost made her fall off the letter in shock.

The attic was filled with letters, almost up to the roof. They were piled randomly, older, dusty letters combined with fresh, white parchment. And every single one of them was addressed to Lilith. The Victor moved automatically, grabbing the nearest one. Brandon noted his sister’s distress and seemed to melt away down the ladder.

There were many different kinds of letters. It was all fan mail, and Jacob and Killian had been keeping it from her, which was quite impressive considering that she had gotten all of her official Capitol mail. It must have been time-consuming to literally pick through her mail every morning. Some letters tore her down, others heroicized her, and all left a deep wound on her psyche that expanded with every new message.

A few truly stood out. One was from Enobaria soon after the 61st Games, and it would have been helpful to have before the 62nd Games.

_ Lilith Hardy, _

_ My name is Enobaria Ovaline. I am from District 2. Quartz Willa was my best friend.  _

_ How dare you take her away from me? She trained her entire life for this victory and fell prey to some girl from District 11 who can barely use a knife. Come on, that was a lucky fucking shot. You should be ashamed of your cowardice, stabbing someone in the back. When I go to the Games next year, I will be a real killer.  _

_ Yes, I will be the District 2 female tribute next year, and watch out for your poor little tribute. I will be the Victor and make you pay for what you’ve done. You stole a victory from a deserving young woman and have no right to any popularity. Popularity through your fuckworthy body. I will not allow myself to be outdone by a low-class whore who should be starving like the rest of her people. _

_ I look forward to meeting you, _

_ Enobaria Ovaline _

Then one from Nicholas, in the same time frame as Enobaria’s letter, too honest and vulnerable as usual. Tears ran down her face now as grief, crippling guilt, fury, and overall trauma took over.

_ Hello. I am Nicholas Rockwell, the 56th Victor. You killed my brother Norman in the Bloodbath. At first, I was so angry. Who was this skeletonlike girl that defeated my talented brother in a matter of seconds and took down three Careers? I hated you, to be honest. Just couldn’t understand why anyone could act like that, so heartless, so deadly. Watching little Hunter cry for days and Mother break her calm for the first time in years broke my heart over and over again. But after you came to District 2 and seemed legitimately interested in his life and story, and clearly traumatized with little support, I began to see your side of the situation. Norman said before going to the Arena that he might die, that it would be okay, that he didn’t want to be remembered as bitter or rebellious. He fully understood the consequences of the Hunger Games and his volunteering. _

_ Nothing is easy now. I am reminded of Norman every day in an infinite number of ways: his room, unchanged all these weeks later; the baseball bat that he treasured and could use so well as the top player on his team; the schoolwork he wanted to finish to get to the University and study Biology; the friends that come over every day, slowly taking items of his to remember him by; the boyfriend who is utterly inconsolable. None of this is truly your fault. You are the one that pulled the trigger, not the one that loaded the gun.  _

_ So, Lilith, I forgive you. I want to meet you and get to know you as you are, not what is seen in the papers or on television. There is always more to people than meets the eye and I know that we share this understanding. See you next year. _

_ -Nick Rockwell _

Lilith was left trembling, wondering why she hadn’t even considered that people would want to write her. Stupid oversight, a kind that could kill her and expose the rebellion in a different context. That was when she noticed the many letters from Opal Bird. A year’s worth, ten, twenty, thirty. The most recent shattered what was left of Lilith’s heart into infinitesimally small pieces and brought her entire world crashing down around her. 

_ Lilith! _

_ Please write back why haven’t you been writing back? I can’t think of who else to ask. Greta’s truly gone now and Father blames it on me. He beat me again, for hours, leaving me here in a closet. I don’t know how I kept this pen and paper hidden. _

_ I have nothing else left if this letter fails. I have reached out to everyone I know and none can help. But you’re strong and smart and brave. You can save me. Just please, please write back. _

That short letter devastated Lilith completely. It was only when she’d roughly shoved it into her coat that she noticed the blood covering her fake hand, coating the fingers. The blood was dripping from somewhere, onto the twenty open letters around her. But where was it coming from? Lilith understood when she looked at her right wrist and the long, jagged cut there. The burning, blinding pain set in, and the world went black. 


	45. Chapter 43

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lilith faces her demons.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: trauma, gore, blood, guilt, death

_ Rain pattered down onto Lilith, rousing her from sleep. Pain and hunger lanced through her as she opened her eyes, and her throat was totally parched.  _ It took a moment for her to take in her surroundings. She was back in the Arena.

“Shit!” Lilith cursed. She’d dreamed of this many times, of course, but had never been in control of her own body. She crouched and reached for her machete with her left hand before realizing that it was gone, a burned stump in its place. A look down herself told her that she was wearing the dirty, torn outfit from the Games.

A long hiss rang out from the trees, and a mass of red-eyed squirrel mutts rushed out, circling Lilith and showing their sharp teeth. The Victor went right for the tree above her, realizing halfway up that it was a stupid idea. They were still squirrels, after all. Still, the tree was a good perch for now. Five minutes later, the mutts hadn’t moved and Lilith felt comfortable enough to come down. She had never actually died in a dream before and did not expect to now; a measure of control in her nightmares that she treasured. 

The forest looked the same as it had a year before, though the frost was slightly thicker underfoot as it had been until the very end. The mutts followed her as she walked, matching her pace exactly. Voices drifted through the trees. Children. Lilith reached them soon enough and saw Peter from District 8 and Otto sitting around a fire just as they had in the 61st Games. Where was Hailey?

A closer look showed that both had the wounds they had died of; blood dripped from Peter’s side and Otto’s throat shone crimson. “Oh, look who it is,” Otto sneered in his child’s voice, gurgling on blood every few words, twisting his face into a horrifyingly twisted expression of hatred. “It’s the Murderess.”

“I was just trying to get back to my family. Besides, why would you make a fire in the Arena? It never ends well,” Lilith argued. 

“Excuses, excuses,” Peter chuckled darkly. “I wanted to get back to my family too, you know, we all did.”

“That happens in every Games. One person goes home and all of the others die.” Lilith narrowed her eyes, fighting back. This was true, and these ghosts knew it.

“We were Reaped, but you? You practically volunteered. Trying hard in training, catering to the mayor and the Victors! You claim to honor Jaylee by wearing her anklet, but you’re really just disrespecting her memory.” Peter moved to attack Lilith, and then the mutts were all over him. The Victor watched in horror as he shriveled before her eyes, tears mixing with rain and clogging her vision. Otto was next, dying without a sound as he had in real life. 

_ Time to move on. _ The mutts moved as a single unit, blocking off all but one exit out of the clearing. Lilith headed there, becoming more and more uneasy as she walked. It wasn’t like she had done much traveling around the Arena, but she’d been secure in her knowledge of this area. Now she was lost in an unfriendly forest, followed by deadly squirrel mutts.

As Lilith stumbled her way through the forest, she caught sight of a figure ahead. Three figures as a tall, pale girl joined a muscled lump of a boy and a smaller boy. Birch, Liam, and Grayson. Lilith moved to avoid them, but the mutts blocked her way again. So they were making her face her kills but wouldn’t let them touch her. 

“Hey!” Birch shouted. “Look, boys, it’s your killer.”

Lilith gulped and approached, feeling the rain soak through her clothes and coat her hair. “What are you doing here, Birch? I didn’t kill you.”

“I was just trying to help Liam, not get shot with a fucking arrow!” Birch gestured to the arrow sticking out of her chest, eyes alight with annoyance. 

“What makes you think that you deserve to live? We died so that you could go back to your brat of a sister and horror of a mother. Not to mention that brother of yours! The only reason that he’s alive is because you’ve coddled him.”

Liam had hit a nerve, and Lilith was the one to attack then, pinning the boy to the ground and aiming for his bruised throat. Grayson and Birch pounced on her then, screaming as the mutts swarmed them.

“You can’t just run away from your problems,” Liam hissed as lines of rot ran across his chest and up to his face. “Then you’ll end up bleeding out in an attic from your own hand.” 

Lilith let the shell of crumpled flesh that had been Liam, shaking with horror, and decided to head for the Cornucopia. She wanted to talk to Quartz. Almost like magic, the trees cleared and revealed Hyacinth, shirt stained with her life’s blood, and Quartz standing together by the notched Cornucopia.

“Quartz,” Lilith called. The girl gave her a scowl but didn’t move from her spot. Hyacinth sighed and shook her head. Otter and Pearl sat on top of the Cornucopia, staring down. They seemed content to wait. “Your girlfriend won, by the way.”

“What, Enobaria? Good for her. I saw some girl earlier who claimed that Enobaria killed her because of me,” Quartz replied calmly. “No wonder. I loved her, you know.”

“And I apologize for breaking you apart,” Lilith said. “But her actions with Maple were uncalled for.”

“You don’t get it, do you?” Pearl sneered. “We trained our whole lives for this only to get killed by some girl with a month of knife work. That must have caused anger and consternation in our Districts- ask your girlfriend. So yeah, Enobaria wanted revenge for Quartz, but needed to bring public opinion back to the Careers’ dominance. And we will dominate, you made sure of that.”

“I will have to live with that. But you let your longing for Shell affect your performance and wouldn’t have won.” Lilith challenged Pearl now, seeing the other Careers nod in agreement.

“Like you didn’t miss your little siblings,” Pearl snapped back.

“Of course I did, but there are better ways to handle the Games than give up.” Lilith rolled her eyes. “I don’t know what you all are doing here, but I will not give into my guilt that easily. So leave before the mutts attack.”

Quartz shrugged and wandered away, and Hyacinth followed with a nod to Lilith. Pearl looked to the mutts then to her killer, choosing to flee from the creatures’ red eyes and dark, decaying teeth. Otter stayed where he was, staring down with pale sea-green eyes so like Mila’s. 

“What do you have to say?” Lilith asked bracingly, trying not to focus on the wounds littering his body.

“Just... thank you,” Otter said, voice clear through his slit throat. He nodded and slid down the side of the Cornucopia, disappearing from sight. Lilith took a moment to scarf down some food and water before heading back into the forest. Only a few tributes left to meet. 

Maple, smiling quietly and with a scarf tied around her throat, sat in one of the first trees that Lilith came across. “Hey.”

“You seem fine,” Lilith said, ignoring the hollowness of Maple’s voice: Enobaria had torn half of her throat out, probably taking her ability to speak if this were real life. 

Maple inclined her head. “I didn’t last very long. My clothes are still clean.”

“I’m seeing your family in three days. Is there anything that you want to say to them?” Lilith had accepted Maple’s death, and she needed to take control of her issues. This was her dream, she had power over it. 

“Just give them Naomi’s necklace. They know what it means.” Maple didn’t move from her perch as Lilith began to wander farther into the forest, chasing a conversation drifting through the trees. 

Haven and Brandon from District 5 crouched, shifting rocks around the beginnings of a fire. Total panic washed over Lilith, and the mutts, picking up on her distress as the pain from her arm spiked and she began to hyperventilate, rushed right over the children. Haven screamed as she died, the sound that had haunted Lilith for over a year. It caused the Victor to run then, slipping and falling several times, because the frost underfoot had thickened considerably in the last few minutes. 

A touch on her shoulder made Lilith jump. Peter Rockwell stood over her, blood dripping from his body and the hand he was holding out. Lilith took it anyway, noting that Norman stood nearby. The rain that had been increasing in strength stopped suddenly, leaving all three soaked to the bone.

“Some trouble with others?” Norman teased. “Oh, don’t give me that guilty look. I knew what I was doing when I volunteered and respect your dominance.”

“Me not so much,” Peter said smoothly, his words somewhat confused by the blood from a deep cut over his mouth. “But Nick told me to forgive and explained how the Games work, and I can’t help but pity you.”

“ _ Pity  _ me?” Lilith raised her eyebrows, insulted.

Peter shrugged. “You’re clearly starving and your family is broken. I feel bad.”

Lilith muted her reaction so the mutts didn’t attack, but rolled her eyes. “I killed your brother and fourteen others. I can take care of myself. And my father is dead, yes, but I feel bonded to my family. Jay just isn’t a part of it anymore.”

“It’s not like ours is so put together either. Just three left now,” Norman told his brother. This was when his tone and face darkened. “Please take care of our brothers, Lilith. The fact that Nick consulted in you... he trusts your judgment and character. Don’t let him down.”

Peter and Norman left then, the mutts making way for them as they headed for the Cornucopia. A mess of a boy approached, making groaning noises in the place of words- Kite. Lilith sent the mutts after him right away, wanting to end his pain once and for all.

“You really did destroy him, Murderess,” Hattie snarled. The girl stood behind Lilith, glaring, the usual fire in her eyes. It was almost nice to see, though Lilith’s relief was tempered by the long wound on her chest. 

“He did a number on me,” Lilith replied coldly. She had nothing to prove to Hattie. “And before you accuse me of killing you in cold blood, you volunteered for this.”

“Oh, yes, yes,” Hattie said absently. “I just wanted to remind you of what exactly you did a year ago.”

“I know. I get a reminder every time I close my eyes, thanks,” Lilith snapped. “Now I will be leaving. Don’t try to attack me.”

It began to snow as Lilith made her way through the forest again. She was looking for the Bird sisters, because she needed to understand what went on in their home. “Hailey! Greta!”

A crash of thunder sounded, and in the moment Lilith took to duck a possible bolt of lightning, Hailey and Greta stood before her. They looked horrible; Greta’s throat from her chin to her chest was torn open, and Hailey’s stomach wound practically weeped. They spoke with one echoing, high-pitched child’s voice. 

“You failed us.”

“I know,” Lilith said. “And I know that not getting your sister’s letters-”

“You are failing her.”

“I can fix it. Coin needs new blood in 13. She can go there.”

Hailey and Greta moved together, tilting their heads curiously. Lilith continued. “Opal seems like a smart girl. She could have a place with the rebellion and be safe.”

“Not totally safe.”

“Nowhere is totally safe!” Lilith shouted. “But 13 is best right now.”

“Well, then.” Hailey and Greta were different now, smiling, happy, a proper weight, wearing clean flowery dresses. Lilith saw that she now had the outfit from that day on and her arm had returned.

“I guess you’ll just have to-” the girls’ next words echoed as Lilith came back to consciousness, the Arena fading to black around her.

_ Save our sister _

_ Save our sister _

_ Save our sister _

_ Save our sister... whatever the cost. _


	46. Chapter 44

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lilith goes to meet Kellan’s family and learns more about Seeder.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: sickness, poverty, implied suicide attempt(s)

_ The sound of shouting made Lilith jerk awake, jumping up to protect herself from any enemies.  _ “Lilith, calm down, it’s okay,” Jacob’s soothing voice said. The Victor relaxed and took a moment to soak in her surroundings, registering a dull pain from her right wrist and a resistance when she tried to move her left arm.

Lilith was lying in her own room. The sun coming through the windows showed that it was dawn, and the clock on the wall said it was September 18th- the next day. So she’d only been unconscious one night and hadn’t needed to go to the hospital. Nothing looked different except that Killian sat in a chair nearby, working on his computer. Lilith recalled that he was a mathematician, calculating data for Capital security. A great job for a rebel.

This wasn’t Lilith’s usual bed, though; that was in its normal position to the left of the window and the right of her school desk. This one had a heart rate monitor and bags filled with medication and blood leading down to her injured arm. Her other one was securely held down with a leather cuff.

“I’m not going to do anything now, you can free my arm,” Lilith told Jacob, who gave her a disbelieving look. “Really! This is partly your fault, you know. Keeping those letters from me made everything worse.”

“We thought they would upset you,” Killian said from his chair. 

Lilith rolled her eyes. “Correct, but maybe I wouldn’t have reacted so badly if I had seen them come regularly.”

“Fair enough.” Jacob loosened the cuff around Lilith’s fake arm, and she slipped out of it easily. “You do need help, though, and this is the final straw. Brandon found you and was quite upset.”

Lilith couldn’t help but feel relieved, nodding her head in appreciation of the information. “I imagine he was. I will make up with him about it. What did the twins see?”

“Nothing, and all that they know is that you got hurt falling down the stairs. Broken wrist. Jay knows what happened, of course.” Jacob’s face darkened. “She’s the one that woke you up, probably telling Brandon to leave the house.”

“I thought that she cared about you,” Killian said with a concerned look on his face. “Is everything all right between you two?”

“We have an understanding.” Lilith smiled tightly. “But she is not my mother anymore. So, isn’t our visit to Kellan’s family in two hours?”

“Hold on. First off, you need to eat,” Jacob ordered. “The medicine we gave you has fully revitalized your systems, but you still need sustenance. And don’t even think about running today.”

“What about our lesson?” Lilith challenged.

“It’s cancelled,” Jacob replied, irritated now. “They will now be lengthened. You tend to respond well to activity, so I will run therapy sessions for you during them, then have a sit-down session. No arguments.”

“Fine. Can I make myself something?” Lilith asked, pulling the needles out of her skin. “Thank you for helping me. I can clean this up later. Did you get a doctor to come look at me?”

“Dr. North will check you over when he arrives to help poor April today, but these are supplies that I have in storage. Killian’s pulled stunts like this several times, as you might have guessed already,” Jacob said with a glance at his partner. Killian merely shrugged. “Luckily you’re the same blood type. Now please tell Jay to calm down, she’s aggravating your sister.”

Jay stood in the kitchen, spitting insults at Brandon, who simply ignored her and continued making a sandwich with as many ingredients as he could find. Ursula and Nathan watched from the living room, eyes wide, tears filling the former’s. Lilith moved as fast as she could, blocking Jay as she tried to grab Brandon. The effort almost made her stumble, but she stayed upright. “You are acting like a child.”

“I told him to leave. He isn’t listening!” Jay growled. 

“No, he can’t tell what you’re saying since he’s paying attention to his sandwich,” Lilith replied evenly. “Look, Jay, this is my house. I decide who comes and goes. Brandon has every right to be here, no matter what you think.”

“You’re being mean, Mama! He’s our brother!” Ursula protested. She jumped down from the couch and went over to Lilith, taking the older girl’s bandaged hand in her own small ones. “How’s your wrist, Lil?”

“Feeling better,” Lilith told her sister, grinning down at her. “You’re right, Jay  _ is  _ being mean! She’s going to stop now. What do you want for breakfast? I know it’s early.”

Jay grumbled, but the sight of her youngest daughter’s distress took all the fight out of her. She was about to leave, but Jacob’s entrance made her reconsider. “Would you like an egg sandwich?” She asked stiffly. 

Jacob raised his eyebrow in surprise. “I would indeed, Jay. Thank you.”

Breakfast was tense, but it was the Hardys’ first as a family in months. They all got up at different times and Lilith was fighting with Jay half the time, so they rarely ate dinners together anymore. It was tense but somewhat pleasant, Lilith thought as she chewed through egg and bread. The food revived her and gave her the mental strength to face a red-eyed Kellan at the door a while later.

“April isn’t doing well,” the boy said sadly. “The doctor is there, but he’s worried for her, apparently.”

“If anyone can help your sister, it’s a Capitol doctor,” Lilith told Kellan. “How far is your place by foot?”

Not far at all, Brandon signed as he finished chewing his massive and rather disgusting sandwich.  Ten minutes, maybe?

It took fifteen because Lilith was woozy from the pain medication and Kellan seemed to dread what awaited him in his... well, home wasn’t the right word for the shack that reminded both Lilith and Brandon of their childhood and barely seemed like it could stand. Such a difference from the ease of Victors’ Village. 

A short, thin woman met the Victors, Brandon, and Kellan at the doorway. “Oh, good. She’s really suffering right now.”

“Meet my mother Vivianna,” Kellan said quietly as the woman led the way. The shack was made up of thin, rusting metal and looked worse on the inside, with a makeshift kitchen of an open fire and a small cabinet, pots piled in one corner. A patched couch and a faded rug made up the living room, and the floor was a packed, hard dirt. Most shacks in 11 had been used by the same group of workers for generations, so they had accrued patches and wear that came through now. 

“There you are!” Dr. North, pristine in a white coat and admirably comfortable considering that he was a Capitolite in the dredges of District 11, bustled out of the only individual room in the shack. “Miss Hardy, Mr. Haze. Do you want to see the girl?”

Lilith noticed that Dr. North only paid attention to her and Killian the moment he knew that they had arrived, and that his eyes spent a majority of the time focused on her casual but relatively tight outfit. It was why she had worn it. 

April Desmond was indeed horribly ill. She was ten but looked six, with paper-thin black hair, a sunken face, and bulging eyes. The effect was magnified by the fact that she was curled into a tiny ball, surrounded by a fresh, thick blanket. Her head was the only visible part of her body.

“What’s wrong with her?” Killian couldn’t hide his horror, staring wide-eyed at the little girl. Both Lilith and Brandon were used to it, having seen this too many times in their lifetimes. Lilith had once worked with an extremely ill boy named Everest, who had barely managed to climb a tree. A Peacekeeper’s bullet had felled him after a week of fruitless work. 

“Several things.” Dr. North pulled on a mask and gloves as he leaned over the barely conscious April. “Who’s the mother here?”

“M-me,” Vivianna said shyly. 

“Your daughter has been sick with pneumonia for at least three weeks. It’s amazing that she’s still alive, with her clearly paltry diet,” Dr. North said with an accusing tone. “How did you not pick up on the signs?”

“How were we supposed to know? None of us could read or afford food until a few months ago!” Kellan snapped. “April’s the third sibling to get sick like this. I survived and the others didn’t.”

“District 11 does have the highest death rate of all of Panem,” Dr. North sighed. “Next time, maybe ask your Victor friends for help earlier. This child needs a hospital. I am willing to keep this a secret. I’m not supposed to be here, you see, so your word is key for my employment.”

“Of course not. I will take responsibility for this if it gets out,” Killian said immediately. 

“I assume that you want payment?” Lilith asked. “I am preparing a house for visitors that will be ready in just a few days. You can receive your check there.”

“Oh, I think that I will need several payments,” Dr. North smirked, his eyes raking Lilith up and down. “Just let me know when you’re available. Who is coming to the Capitol with Mr. Haze and I?” 

“Me,” Kellan cut in. “And Mother, of course. I have another favor to ask you. My youngest sister, currently with Seeder, doesn’t know how sick April is. Can you take her in until we get back? She’s easy to deal with, I promise.”

Lilith couldn’t say no to the pleading look in the teenager’s eyes. “Of course! What does she look like? Also, are you staying here or going to the Capitol, Brandon?”

I’m going with Kellan, the boy signed bracingly. Dr. North let out another long sigh and rolled his eyes. 

“Fine. I suppose this is a party now.” He picked up the weakly coughing April in one movement, gesturing for someone to pick up the bag sitting on the edge of the bed. Lilith helped the family pack what little they had, most likely supplemented with food and basic reading books from Brandon, and walked with them to a truck that waited for the small group on the edge of Victors’ Village. She didn’t feel like showing her wrist to Dr. North now. 

Once the truck pulled away, Lilith headed back home. She’d pushed her lesson back to noon and completed it then, actually managing to get work done and clean up the house. She dropped by Seeder’s daycare, where Ursula and Nathan wanted to play with their friends, and decided to help her mentor with childcare. 

“There are a few children who are with me almost all the time, coming from abusive or sick households,” Seeder told Lilith as she rocked a small baby in her arms. “This one, for example, was dropped odd on my doorstep two months ago by a teenager who had bruises all over him. Said that his father was tired of the child’s crying and was threatening to kill her. So I took her in and wished her brother the best.”

“So is she your baby now?” Lilith asked, looking into the infant’s big eyes.

Seeder shrugged. “I suppose. You know, I started this to get to be around kids, and I ended up with too many! All I wanted was one. No man would be with me and I didn’t like the idea of pregnancy, so here I am now.”

“It seems like you’re really helping these kids and their families,” Lilith smiled. “They all look happy and well-fed, and this little baby will get a great life with you. What’s her name?”

“Rue,” Seeder said, a fond smile spreading over her face. “Her name is Rue. You said that you’re responsible for Grace Desmond today?”

“However long it takes until her family gets back,” Lilith confirmed. Kellan hadn’t told her what Grace looked like, but Seeder pointed her out- a peppy five-year-old with a frizzy head of hair and a relatively filled-in frame. 

“Grace?” Lilith called when pickup time approached. The girl looked up from her book and spotted the Victor, eyes lighting up with excitement. 

“Hi! It’s great to meet you! Where’s Mama?” 

Lilith grinned at Grace’s energy. “Taking care of April in a hospital, sweetie. She asked me to look after you until she gets back.”

“Yay! And April’s gonna be fine, right? Because she’s da best,” Grace said, her lisp coming through strongly. Her eyes were bright with hope, but Lilith couldn’t bring herself to mislead the poor girl.

“I don’t know, honey. But she’s getting the best care possible and she has a chance,” she told Grace, who took the news with a sad nod. Much too mature for five years old.

“And if she dies?”

“Then you’ll have to live with it.” Lilith smiled bitterly. “Just like everything else in this world.”

  
  
  



	47. Chapter 45

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lilith, the twins, and Killian visit with Shale and Maple’s families.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: mention of death, grief

_ “But I wanna come!” Ursula wailed. She was sitting right in Lilith’s way, pouting, blocking the door.  _

__ “Why?” Lilith queried, frustration rising in her voice. She was pulling on her coat, trying to get her shoes on with her aching arm, and tired from a workout. 

“Because you’re going to meet people and I want to meet them too,” Ursula said, stubbornly staying in her position. 

“You have plenty of friends. You see people every day.” Lilith looked over at Nathan, who was perched on his favorite chair, watching in his typical focused fashion. “What about you, Nathan? What do you want?”

“I would like to come too,” the little boy said after a moment of consideration. 

“See? He doesn’t have opinions and he wants to go!” Ursula exclaimed. 

“I have opinions! I just don’t always proclaim them to the world!” Nathan protested. Lilith’s lips quirked upwards at the bickering and she turned to Ursula, willing to hear her out. 

“Why should I take you with me?”

“Because there will be new friends there, and I need new friends.” Lilith was about to move her sister, impatience taking over, when Nathan piped up again.

“You haven’t been spending much time with us. First you go to the Capitol for ages, and Mom doesn’t like you anymore which I think is silly, and Brandon’s gone now, and-”

“Okay.”

Nathan paused, his jaw dropping. “What?”

Lilith chuckled at her brother’s shock. “I said okay. You can both come.”

“Yay!” Ursula jumped up and ran to grab her coat. Nathan followed more sedately. 

Lilith and now the twins were headed to Graintown, where Shale and Maple’s families were gathered before the Victory Tour in eleven days. Killian had returned from the Capitol after April’s death. The poor girl had been suffering from pneumonia and throat cancer. Even Capitol technology hadn’t been able to save her.

Jacob and Killian were harboring Vivianna and Kellan while Grace stayed with Seeder most of the day, distracting the little girl from grief by letting her help take care of baby Rue. The family was destroyed emotionally at the loss of a third child in as many years: an unfortunately common story in District 11. Killian left Jacob and Brandon to take care of them, climbing into a waiting truck with the Hardys. 

“They’re coming?” He asked in surprise, indicating Nathan and Ursula.

Lilith shrugged. “They can be quite convincing. Besides, maybe having small children around will pacify the families.”

“Families of who?” Nathan wondered cheerfully, staring out the window as he spoke. Ursula was trying to peer up at the Peacekeeper driver, curious as always.

“Ursula, please leave him alone. We are going to visit the families of the tributes that died in the most recent Hunger Games, who we mentored,” Lilith told her brother, pulling Ursula doen as she spoke.

“Mom didn’t let us watch. How did they die?” Ursula asked cheerfully. Killian gave her a sharp look.

“Don’t so happy about it. It was quite horrible.”

Lilith sighed as her sister’s bottom lip started to tremble. “The winner killed both of them. You honestly don’t want to know how at any age.”

“I think Enobaria’s cool!” Nathan said. “We saw the Reaping and she was really fierce!” 

“Fierce is certainly one descriptor of Enobaria,” Lilith said in a slightly choked voice, trying not to laugh at the scandalized look on Killian’s face. He clearly hadn’t spent enough time around children, particularly her siblings. “She isn’t particularly friendly, I should say. Anyway, these families are grieving their children, so please be sensitive of that.”

“Will there be friends?” Ursula asked eagerly. Lilith rolled her eyes but nodded energetically, loving that her sister was so social. None of her other siblings seemed to be like that, though Nathan appeared to enjoy having friends as well. 

“Yes, Ursula, I believe that both the Moreys and Barnum have at least one child near your age.”

Ursula and Nathan kept the truck ride lighthearted with their questions, most of which were perceptive for their age. They all fell silent, however, when the truck entered the city. The twins has never actually been outside of the West before, nor seen Graintown, so they were eager to take in all the sights. Lilith had to firmly hold them as she walked into the squat, relatively stable building that the Peacekeeper driver gestured her and Killian towards to keep them from running off in excitement. 

The Moreys and Barnums sat in a large beige room, facing each other, speaking quietly among themselves. Peacekeepers stood in every corner, glaring down at the young children that skittered around. The whole room froze for a second when Lilith, Killian, Nathan, and Ursula walked in, then a girl of about six who had Maple’s doe-like brown eyes and springy hair stepped forward. “Hi!”

Lilith almost reflectively dropped to one knee, wanting to be at the girl’s level. “Hi! I’m Lilith. What’s your name?” 

Another girl, slightly taller than the first, spoke up. “She’s Paisley and I’m Nora. I’m older.”

“So am I! By five minutes,” Ursula grinned. “You wanna be friends?”

Nora and Paisley nodded as one, and they continued their skipping game after a moment of stillness. The two boys, who Lilith recognized as Everett and Max Morey, joined in. This seemed to relax the room and the Victors found themselves invited over to the ring of chairs that the older siblings and parents sat on. 

Dierdre and Archiband Barnum, small and dark like their daughter had been, were well put-together. Dierdre was more talkative while Archibald had some sort of issue with speaking. He stuttered, it became clear as the conversation went on, struggling to pronounce vowels and sharp sounds. They both seemed dry-eyed if overworked and exhausted. Their son Barnum, fifteen, didn’t say a word, sullenly glaring at Lilith. 

Miranda Morey, in stark contrast, began the conversation by clasping Killian’s hand and eloquently communicating her gratefulness for helping Shale and keeping him alive. Her husband nodded vigorously in agreement, too overcome with grief to speak. 

Killian pulled his hand away as gently as possible. “It is my job, Mrs. Morey, and your son did most of the work. He was a quick learner and chose a great ally.”

“He should have been able to be with Greta! They were so cute!” Hermione Morey cried suddenly, bursting into tears. Her father put an arm of comfort around her.

“I am very sorry for all of your losses,” Lilith said formally to both families. “Maple would have survived longer if Enobaria had not been targeting her, I hope that you know that. I take responsibility for that.”

“You did what you had to,” Dierdre replied kindly. “Maple understood what was going to happen.”

“You might take responsibility, but you sure don’t seem torn up about it,” Burton grumbled.

“Burton! That’s r-r-rude, you must a-a-a pologize,” Archibald chided. Lilith shook her head and put her hands up.

“He is correct. Maple figured out that Enobaria was going after her quickly and came to terms with her fate. She actually helped me deal with it. Your daughter was mature for her age.”

“She had to be,” Dierdre sighed. “What with work and the younger kids, she had a lot of responsibility. More after Naomi got sick.”

Lilith and Killian, who was now rubbing a sobbing Hermione on the back, shared a brief look. So the families knew to keep the act up. 

“A common story,” Winslow Barnum said sadly, then changed the subject when a Peacekeeper nearby reached for her gun in warning. “Would it be okay if we asked some questions? Just to clarify things.”

“Of course! That’s what we’re here for.” Killian’s usual charming smile was muted for the situation but appeared to relax Hermione, who calmed down enough to listen. The children played in the background, circling the chairs over and over again.

“Why did you bring your kids?” Burton asked venomously. Lilith chuckled, slightly offended.

“Ursula and Nathan are my siblings. There is just a massive age gap. I brought them because they begged and I could not say no.”

“I fully understand that, and Burton, you need to be politer. She did nothing wrong.” Dierdre sent her son a hard look. “Beyond that... did Maple have anything to say about us? I’m afraid that we were rather busy before her Reaping, and... I just want her to have known how much we loved her.”

Killian’s light intake of breath almost gave it away- the only things Maple had said about her family were negative, and she hadn’t even mentioned any siblings other than Naomi by name. Lilith took over with a smooth lie.

“She was upset over Naomi, but missed you too. She knew that you cared.” The grief ran though her then. Maple had thought her family would be glad to see her die. The right attitude for a doomed tribute in the Hunger Games, but devastating for the Barnums. 

“I have a question for Lilith.” There was a challenge in Hermione’s voice now. “Why did you work with the Careers? They’re all killers and Enobaria killed both my brother and Maple!”

“First of all, I was not routing for Enobaria. She got to that victory with little help from even her mentor. Second off...” Lilith trailed off, trying to formulate a response. “Yes, the Career tributes are killers. But so am I and so is Killian, so I do not judge them for it. Besides, some are quite pleasant and in the Capitol, I learned that to be socially successful, I had to be open to others of different backgrounds than me. Not to mention that Hunger Games tactics are interesting.”

Killian squeezed Lilith’s hand: a little too rebellious . The Peacekeepers, however, didn’t react. 

“Lilith refused to work against Shale and helped out many times,” Killian added. “And to be honest, no matter what Lilith or I did, Enobaria was going to find Shale on that mountain. Her t- her skills were far superior to his. It’s happened many times to my tributes.”

The topic shifted again when Ursula and Nora ran up to their respective guardians, tearfully blabbing. Lilith managed to understand Ursula because she was also signing as a reflex.

“Nora wants to be the game leader! It’s not fair!”

“How many times have you been game leader, Ursula?” Lilith asked her sister. Ursula’s silence told it all. “Let someone else have a turn, will you? Nora, you can be game leader.”

Ursula slouched off while Nora brightened and ran over to Lilith, hugging her tightly. “Thanks!”

“What was she doing with her hands? I couldn’t understand a thing she was saying!” Miranda exclaimed. 

“Sign language. Our brother is deaf, so it has become a habit to sign as we speak now,” Lilith explained. She didn’t like to mention Brandon’s condition usually but also didn’t want to seem deceptive. 

“You m-m-move your ha-a-ands as you speak a bi-i-it,” Winslow told Lilith 

“It makes you seem really expressive!” Hermione said. “How is signing with your fake hand?”

“To be honest, I forget that it’s there sometimes,” Lilith replied honestly. “The doctors and engineers did a great job with it.”

“That wasn’t the only thing they worked on,” Burton commented, eyeing Lilith’s body that was mostly covered in long-sleeved, baggy clothes. He got a slap on the back of the head from both of his parents, and Killian abruptly changed to logistics on the Victory Tour. Enobaria would arrive in Graintown the next month, and the families and Victors would have to be there two days beforehand. Both Lilith and Killian gave the families their addresses and letter supplies at the end of a surprisingly civil conversation and a big lunch. The Barnums gratefully accepted Naomi’s necklace. Burton almost broke down at the sight of it, only teenage pride keeping his tears back. 

Nathan conked right out in the truck, and Ursula stubbornly tried to stay awake for a few minutes longer. She’d had a great, long day, and was yawning her head off as she tried to convince Lilith that she wasn’t tired. 

“I feel fine! I could play for another day without sleep!” A yawn, hidden by a small hand.

“Really?” Killian’s voice was strained as he tried not to laugh. 

“Yeah! I could-” large yawn “- stay up with you guys!”

This went on for five more minutes until Lilith convinced Ursula to climb in her lap for fun. The girl was asleep in seconds, lying casually over her sister, head on her breast. Lilith took the time back home to silently reflect on the day’s experience while Killian texted with Jacob. 

So the Moreys and Barnums didn’t hate Lilith. The parents were all rational, experienced, and knew the way of the world. Burton and Hermione would pick up on it soon enough. All in all, it had been a good day. She treasured the time with her siblings, because thinking about Naomi, killed for dedication to her sister, reminded Lilith that family was fragile in Panem. Especially for Lilith. 


	48. Chapter 46

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lilith makes some connections with the rebels.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: past suicide attempt

_lili61@classified.org_ _to_ _charb13@classified.org_

_Tuesday, September 21st, 62 AR, 13:45_

_To Mr. Charles Boggs,_

_My name is Lilith Hardy. I am the 61st Victor and a planner for the rebellion, working out of District 11, and I have a favor to ask of you._

_President Coin told me that you were the one to go to with concerns over any District citizens that may need District 13’s protection. It has come to my attention that young Opal Bird of District 12, whose sisters died in the last two Hunger Games, is in an abusive situation. Her father hurts her, if her letters are any indication._

_I believe that she is in dire need of your help. Call it guilt or call it compassion, but I want to help Opal. So my request is that you send a team to pull her out of District 12._

_-Lilith Hardy_

_charb13@classified.org_ _to_ _lili@classified.org_

_Tuesday, September 21st, 62 AR, 17:56_

_Miss Lilith Hardy,_

_I am a aware of your identity, you have created quite the stir in District 13. I am eager to meet you face-to-face. It is rare to have such a dedicated, careful, intelligent, and fast-rising Victor in the rebellion._

_My team and I have been getting reports of unrest in the Bird household from our spies for years now, increasing after Hailey was Reaped and a flood after Greta went to the Hunger Games. Your report is the final straw, and I have already sent a team in to extract young Opal. Please let me know if you get word of any others who need protection, particularly youth. District 13 is in dire need of new blood._

  * _Charles Boggs_



Lilith closed her computer, pleased at the quick reply and action. It had been two days since the visit with Maple and Shale’s families, and much had happened. Lilith was entered into a 10 kilometer race at Mayor Heavensbee’s mansion in a month, shifting her training and giving her a set goal: thirty-two minutes. It didn’t require too much of a change, but she’d added a speed workout and dropped one weights/core session. She looked through her schedule then, having missed her run this morning because Ursula had a stomach issue. She had ordered a watch the year before that measured her pace, heart rate, and allowed her to record her workouts, a great piece of technology to have.

_Monday, September 20th:_

_Progression Run: 12 miles, last 20 minutes moderate_

  * _Twisted ankle early on root and had to run through a few orchards, but the effort was good_



**_Tuesday, September 21st:_ **

**** **** **_Easy Run: 5 miles (to do)_ **

**** **** **_Fighting class with Jacob (done)_ **

**** **** **_Weights and core (done)_ **

_Wednesday, September 22nd:_

_Specific-Endurance Intervals: 2 miles easy, 8x800m @10k-5k pace + 5-10 seconds/mile with 80 second active recoveries, 2 miles easy_

  * _5 minutes/mile for the 800s_



_Thursday, September 23rd:_

_Easy Run: 10 miles_

_Weights and core_

_Friday, September 24th:_

_Easy Run: 6 miles + 6x 6 second hill sprints_

_Fighting class with Jacob_

_Saturday, September 25th:_

_Aerobic Test: 2 miles easy, 4 miles at half-marathon heart rate, 2 miles easy_

  * _Goal pace is 6:30 minutes per mile, based off a one hour and twenty-five minute half-marathon with Nicholas_



_Sunday, September 26th:_

_Fighting class with Jacob_

_Weights and core_

So not a hard run. Lilith got it done with a little more effort than she usually would, wanting to get back home in time to make dinner, and with her arm still aching. It turned out that tearing your wrist open with a metal hand then not asking a doctor for help led to a long healing process. She had already given up on restricting her food that day, knowing from experience that she needed to eat before a hard workout. It would be a healthy, vegetable-filled pasta dish that night.

Once Lilith was back home and wearing comfortable clothing, she got to work, boiling water. Ursula pranced in, feeling better from that morning, now hungry.

“I want a snack!” Ursula placed a paper down on the counter, bouncing in her usual eager way. 

“There are chips in the cabinet. Or you could have some fruit.” Lilith chewed on a banana as she poured pasta into the boiling water and started the gas under a pan for the vegetables. “Just don’t ruin your appetite.”

“All right!” Ursula cheerfully grabbed an apple and tapped a pencil against her paper. “Can you help me with my Reading Comprehension? The story is about the 10th Hunger Games. I want the history behind it.”

Lilith chopped a zucchini as she considered the question. It was too dangerous to relay the true story, but there was still plenty left if she took out Lucy Gray’s victory. “Well, I can help you with that. I watched the first thirty Games for class a while ago. Back then, everything was new, and it was a bit of a mess to start with. Mentors were introduced for the first time, and they weren’t past Victors- they were students from the University! One was Mayor Heavensbee’s descendant, and another was a teenaged President Snow.”

“Woah! Really?” Nathan had arrived, joining Ursula at the counter, book unopened in his hands. “Who did he mentor?”

“I’m getting to that.” Lilith grinned as she took in her siblings’ interest, stirring the pasta and vegetables. “Other things were odd about it. The rebellion acted up and killed several tributes and three mentors with a bomb before the Games even began; a tribute slit her mentor’s throat. A young President Snow introduced new concepts such as sponsor gifts, and the severity of mutts that year was unheard of. The tributes stood out as well. Our tribute was a fierce boy named Reaper, there were no Career tributes except for those from District 4 left by the actual start, and the District 3 tributes were especially bright. As for your question about President Snow? His tribute was a bright, unique girl named Lucy Gray from District 12. She sang at her Reaping and became quite the Capitol favorite.” 

“She’s the main character of this story! She had a really pretty dress,” Ursula said happily.

“Oh yes. Quite unlike any tribute from her District.” Lilith poured the pasta out into a colander, letting it dry as she finished cooking the mushrooms, peppers, and zucchini. “So many people, at least those that had televisions as this was before required viewing, were interested. Caesar Flickerman’s grandfather was host for the first time. What exactly is the story on? There’s much to talk about, but I want to give you what you need.”

“On the snakes! A bunch of kids were gone and Reaper had laid them all out, then snakes entered the Arena. Lucy Gray sang and it was magic!”

Lilith smirked. So Lucy Gray had made an impact in the Capitol, even decades later. “All right. So there were six or seven tributes left, and the Gamemakers released snakes into the Arena. A few tributes managed to find high ground and get away, including Reaper, but a few fell prey to them. And Lucy Gray was caught out. What she did next shocked everyone: she sang and the snakes went to her. They did as she said!”

“Woah!” Ursula and Nathan chorused. Lilith paused her story to serve the pasta with some Parmesan cheese. They tucked in eagerly and their sister spoke in between bites. 

“In the end, Reaper won, and became the second Victor from District 11 after tre Fahlson. They both died several years ago now. There’s your background! Can I see your worksheet?”

The paper was an obvious bit of propaganda 

_How did Lucy Gray survive? Did she cheat?_

_Was Lucy Gray magic? What do you think happened?_

_Why did Reaper choose to lay the bodies out? How is this disrepectful to the Capitol?_

_What good did the changes that President Snow made do?_

_What was so odd about these Games?_

“You should be able to answer them. After dinner, okay?” Lilith placed the worksheet aside and enjoyed a meal away from the Hunger Games. She was finding that her siblings needed a lot of help with their schoolwork; Nathan in particular with math, and Brandon didn’t seem to understand how to set up any type of essay. Lilith gave him the document outlining exactly what to do for each type of essay that had so helped her when she was starting out. Ursula, meanwhile, inhaled every bit of information that she could. Just like Lilith, though the little girl had some sort of disorder that made her hyperactive. Lilith would have to look into it. 

Lilith’s schoolwork was difficult, but she managed. One thing that didn’t keep her busy was the house for Capitolites; the builders had been in and out in just four hours, making a perfect space. Lilith hated it, but she also appreciated it. The activities also gave her an excuse to stay up late, reducing the chances of her having nightmares.

Two days before Hallina’s visit, Ursula, Brandon, Killian, and Nathan stood at the Western train station, watching as Mila Riverwill and Lilith Hardy reunited in a blissful embrace.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Training is from the book “Run Faster” by Brad Hudson and Matt Fitzgerald. 
> 
> The 10th Hunger Games’ plot and characters is the creation of Suzanne Collins, as are the majority of the characters and canon of this story.


	49. Chapter 47

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mila and her family visit, and some conversations happen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: eating disorders, mention of death and killing, past suicide attempt, child abuse

_ Lilith ran right up to Mila the moment her lover stepped off the train, bags in hand, two small boys behind her. Carson and Pietr, she assumed. Lilith ignored the children for a moment and pulled Mila towards her, leaning into the kiss. _ The familiar feeling of warmth and love filled her, and the Victors laughed, mashing teeth and tongues as they reunited. 

“Ewwwww!” Ursula, Nathan, Carson, and Pietr chorused. Brandon and Killian just watched, amused.

Lilith and Mila were both panting hard as they broke apart, grinning broadly. Lilith turned to her siblings and gestured them over, automatically taking a bag from Mila, who frowned.

“I don’t think so. Your arm is a stick,” the 60th Victor said. “Have you been eating properly?”

“Guess,” Killian said dryly. Lilith glared in between them, the butterflies of anxiety in her stomach fluttering as they did whenever the idea of food was mentioned. 

“Can we not do this now? Thank you,” Lilith huffed when the other two nodded their consent. “Let’s get into some introductions! I assume that these two are your brothers?”

“Yeah. Sorry for not telling you, but they  _ begged  _ to come. Oliver couldn’t get out of in-person classes to come and he’s also dealing with a bad cold, so it’s just the two of them this trip. ” Mila smiled at her brothers. “The older, brown-haired one is Carson, and Pietr has the really blond hair. They both have the Riverwill eyes.” 

The two boys immediately differentiated themselves from each other, unique sea-green eyes aside. Carson politely offered a hand and had a look of intelligence and responsibility about him while Pietr bounced where he stood, clearly wanting to be moving. Ursula came right over, shoving past Lilith. Both Riverwill brothers towered over her small, wiry frame, but that didn’t seem to deter her. 

“Hi! I’m Ursula and my quiet brother is Nathan. What’s District 2 like?” She turned and marched away then came back when only Pietr followed. “Well? Tell me!”

Mila chuckled, watching how Ursula totally took control of the conversation in her bossy manner. “She’s a little firecracker, isn’t she? I thought Pietr was bad.”

“She has her challenging moments,” Lilith agreed. “So how are you doing? I see you on calls with the other young Victors and individually, but it really isn’t the same. Oh, before you answer- you need to meet my oldest brother. He’s the deaf one.”

Brandon’s face lit up when Mila signed her greeting at him. He launched into a conversation that Lilith had trouble following, and Mila looked totally lost. 

Brandon. Slow down. Lilith sighed when her command made Brandon’s breath come faster and his eyes began to roam around the station wildly. She could tell the onset of an attack well by now.  Brandon? It’s okay. You aren’t doing anything wrong, you’re just signing too fast. So slow it down, all right? Breathe with me.

A moment later, Brandon had calmed down enough to have a proper greeting with the slightly confused Mila. The entire group headed out then, piling into a large truck for the twenty-minute journey to Victors’ Village. Lilith had to hold Mila back when she tried to tell the Peacekeepers how to put the family’s baggage away. 

“Stop. They can get very violent very quickly.” Lilith covered the conversation with a hug, hissing into her girlfriend’s ear. 

“They’re doing it wrong! I have breakables. Besides, they can’t be that twitchy,” Mila countered, trying to pull away.

“Trust me.” Lilith kissed Mila to placate her, memories of the many workers she’d seen shot for no reason at all flashing through her mind. Killian was clearly thinking the same, because he helped Mila into the truck with a firm arm. 

Ursula took up most of the ride as usual, getting as much information on District 2 as she could out of Carson and Pietr, who seemed rather amused by the girl’s energy. Her flow of words stopped, however, once the truck pulled up to Victors’ Village and the Peacekeepers had begun to unpack the Riverwills’ bags, watched tensely by Mila. Killian was just telling Carson how big each house was when Jay appeared from around the bend, carrying a vat of soup to her kitchen, which was one of the first buildings in the village. The woman stopped abruptly when she saw the visitors, eyes widening in a mix of recognition, horror, and fury. She dropped the soup, spilling it all over the ground, making even the Peacekeepers jump with her strangled groan.

“Is she okay?” Pietr asked, alarmed.

“Yeah, that’s just Mom,” Nathan said flippantly as Jay crouched over the spilled soup, hyperventilating now. Lilith pulled her lips into a dark sneer and jogged over to help.

“What are  _ they  _ doing here? I never asked for District 2 elites in my house!” Jay hissed while using a towel to sop the soup up. A Peacekeeper came over with a hose, which Lilith took with a sharp nod. She watched the soup flow away into a nearby drain, mourning the wasted food. The people her mother fed needed every drop just to survive. 

“I invited them. Well, Mila, at least. You will be polite and have my full permission to stay away from the house. You’re quite good at it already.”

Jay huffed and stalked away, dragging the now-empty pot with her. Lilith rolled her eyes and went back over to the truck. The Peacekeepers were finished unpacking and climbed back into it, taking the money that Killian handed them and driving off. 

“Your mother seems great,” Mila said sarcastically.

“She will probably leave us alone.” Lilith waved a hand, changing the subject. “So, I have one room set up, but it can easily go to the boys. I just wanted to give you another option, Mila, in case you don’t want us to share a bed.”

“That won’t be an issue,” Mila replied, taking her girlfriend’s hand as the group walked towards the Hardys’ place. “Oh, what a great house!” She exclaimed.

“It’s a little messy,” Lilith replied, glancing around at the blankets draped over couches and dirty dishes in the sink. 

“This is fine! There are toys and books everywhere in our house.” Carson went right to the kitchen, grabbing an apple from the bowl.

“Carson! You need to ask first.” Mila glared at her brother and Pietr snickered.

“Take anything you want!” Ursula said cheerfully. “You’re our guests, after all.”

“We should have lunch- it’s around the time anyway, and Jacob used this opportunity to make quite the meal,” Killian said. 

The meal was indeed delicious, and it was nice to catch up with Mila. There had apparently been tension between Nicholas and Enobaria, leading to fights and awkward group meals. This conflicted with the afternoons that Mila spent in the Capitol (only thirty minutes away by truck) to take her medical school classes at the University.

“It’s going to be odd when you come,” Mila told Lilith through a bite of Mac n’ Cheese. “Enobaria really holds a grudge.”

“Why doesn’t Enobaria like you, Lilith?” Ursula asked.

“Finish your bite before you speak. Enobaria is angry because I killed her girlfriend two years ago,” Lilith said to her sister. 

“Killed?” Nathan seemed alarmed. “Like, Enobaria’s girlfriend isn’t alive anymore? Why did you kill her?”

Panic ran through Lilith for a moment. How had her innocent brother come to understand what death and killing was? The only thing that kept her from totally retreating into her head was Mila’s touch. “I...”

“Quartz was a tribute in the Hunger Games when Lilith won. She had to kill her to survive,” Killian explained. Ursula just shrugged while Nathan drew back. He was quiet and withdrawn for the rest of the meal. 

Mila really liked the layout of the house and grinned when she saw that Lilith had kept all of her clothes choices. Once the two Victors were alone, however, Mila turned on her, worry and terror filling her eyes. “Sit down, Lilith, you look like you’re about to collapse.”

“I am perfectly fine. I ran hard this morning,” Lilith argued, hurt shooting through her at Mila’s accusing tone. She stayed where she was, staring her partner down. 

“You’re still running? How much do you weigh?” Mila gaped.

“Ninety-three pounds,” Lilith replied pridefully. 

“Jeez, that’s too light.” Mila turned away, shaking her head. 

“What do you expect me to do? All I’ve heard since my Games is that I need to be thin. To never gain weight. That food is a privilege, not a right- and I grew up giving away meals so my siblings could eat. How am I supposed to act?”

“You gave your meals away? Why?” Mila was confused now.

“Because there was enough for only two servings. We starved anyway, all of us. What, you haven’t noticed how every single tribute from District 11 is alarmingly thin? We might produce food, but we receive only twelve percent of our total output annually.”

“But-” Mila was crying, but she still had the presence of mind to glance at the nearby camera. “I just- I’m sorry. Going off at you was uncalled for. I just got so worried when I saw you. You’re so thin and- and sickly-looking.”

“Thanks. You’re really building up my self-image.” Lilith sighed, shaking her head. “Well, we should go. On a hike. Killian can’t deal with all of the children alone.”

“Lilith. Wait.” Tears glistened on Mila’s face, and she reached out towards her girlfriend. “I really didn’t mean to hurt your feelings. I just want you to get better.”

“I’m fine. Perfectly healthy!” Lilith forced cheer into her voice when Mila relaxed, telling herself that it was true. But the niggle in her foot that had popped up the day before just worsened through the hike. 

There were apparently more confrontations to be had. Nathan couldn’t wait to say what was on his mind and pulled Lilith aside on a water break, as Killian told the other kids what it had been like when he was Lilith’s age.

“What do you want to talk about?” Lilith took the chance to sit, really observing the day for the first time. The afternoon sun shone brightly in a sky full of fluffy white clouds, and the birds that still remained chirped in the beautifully colored trees. Leaves covered the ground, making it a bit of a danger for roots and rocks, but they gave out a satisfying crunch.

“I don’t understand why you would want to kill anyone,” Nathan said with a confused look in his eyes and slight pout. “Why did you kill Quartz?”

“You know how the Hunger Games work, right?” Lilith told herself to get it together silently, studying her brother’s face for any indication of the disgust that Jay showed whenever the Hunger Games were mentioned and that she had seen from Mila just an hour before. Nathan nodded. “Well, when I was Reaped, I knew that I needed to kill other tributes, and it turned out that I’m good at it. Good at using knives and fighting. I’m fast, too, even without training. So I suppose the prospect of seeing you, Brandon, Jay, and Ursula again led me to kill so many.”

“You killed more than one person?” Shock filled Nathan’s voice, and Lilith so wanted to lie, but she refused to baby her brother. He needed to learn how the world worked sometime.

“A lot more. Fifteen. Including kids younger than Brandon.” Lilith looked down, waiting to hear accusing words and hatred, but feeling a small had on her face instead. 

“You did it for us?”

“Yeah. I worked with the situation.” Lilith glanced up to see Nathan smiling at her.

“And you regret it?”

“I see them whenever I close my eyes.”

“You’re brave, then.”

Nathan’s gentle words, so mature for his age, stayed with Lilith after the hike and until she asked Mila to help her with math. They did get some actual work done, but soon enough were on the bed, getting reacquainted with each other’s bodies.

“Ahem.” Jay’s irritated cough from the cracked door made the young women break apart, faces reddening in embarrassment. The older woman handled the situation well for what Lilith first expected, focusing her eyes on the wall. “Lilith, you have a call in the office.”

Lilith nodded and thanked her mother, pulling Mila with her down the hall. Luckily, the 60th Victor understood that this was a rebel call and waited until they were both securely in the office to ask for an explanation.

“There was one positive outcome to my discovery of the fan letters.” Mila’s eyes darted to Lilith’s wrist then, and the older girl smiled. “It’s healing. Serves me right, I won’t be doing that again. Anyway, the sister of the District 12 girl that made it to the final two this year, and the twelve-year-old that I killed in my Games, is in an abusive situation with her father. The rebels offered to take her in.”

A squat, well-muscled man with a clenched jaw and aura of command about him appeared on the screen when Mila opened the computer. “Ah, Miss Hardy. And Miss Riverwill.”

“Hi,” Mila said, waving. 

“It is nice to officially meet you, Commander Boggs,” Lilith said seriously. “Do you have any news on Opal Bird?”

“My team was able to pull her and several other refugees out of District 12. We got to her just in time, as her father was in the midst of a severe beating when the team got there.”

“Is Opal going to be alright?” Mila asked, concern spiking her words.

“She will recover. Four broken ribs and a fractured hand along with many bruises, but we have wonderful doctors here,” Charles replied. 

“Wonderful. Thank you for telling me.”

“Thank you for alerting us. I will not bother you any longer.” Charles ended the call, leaving Lilith satisfied. She’d been able to help someone, finally. She slept well that night, holding Mila close, and through the night for the first time in a full week.


	50. Chapter 48

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hallina visits and leaves Lilith traumatized.
> 
> Stressful week= 2 chapters in as many days.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: rape, eating disorders, bigotry, trauma

_ Fatigue pulled at Lilith as she crested the hill. It was a cloudy morning, the bitter cold of District 11 fall and a preliminary warning of a freezing winter, and Lilith was enjoying it.  _ She would be happier if the leaves didn’t cover the ground and cause her to twist her ankles, but she was alone and liked it.

Hallina would arrive that afternoon, probably with a ridiculous amount of supplies and a few Avoxes. Lilith needed to get into a mindset for dealing with the night. She remembered what she’d been thinking in the Capitol: that her clients could give her information, and that they could do what they wanted to her. Some visits, like with Shadow Shade, had just been painful and frustrating. At least Jillian, terrible as she was, gave useful data. 

The run helped Lilith calm herself. She felt confident in her self-control and ready to face the day, which went well. Jay nicely made breakfast for the full group, talking much less than usual and only responding with grunts to Mila’s overtures of friendship. Still, it went well, and Lilith managed a good lesson as well. She was beginning to grasp Algebra, especially with Carson’s help. The boy really was sharp.

Lilith argued with Mila slightly at lunch when her girlfriend loaded a plate full of pasta and handed it to her. “Are you serious? Halve that.”

“You went long today,” Mila countered. 

“So I can eat half. Look, Mila, I will try to be better but you cannot force food on me. It makes me want to hurl.”

Mila sighed and put the plate down, conceding. “All right. But I will put dinner out tonight.”

“Hallina will certainly have food with her. Why would she touch unclean District 11 food?” Lilith lowered her voice at the last comment, cognizant of the children and camera nearby. 

Mila snorted. “Fair enough. But come to me right after, okay?”

“I might need a first aid kit,” Lilith replied darkly. “Make sure that the kids don’t come near us, please.” Half an hour later, she was at the entrance to Victors’ Village, watching as the usual truck pulled up. Hallina Snow, vastly overdressed in a pink ball gown and six-inch heels, stepped down with the help of a Peacekeeper. Two young kids followed, saddled with large bags. Another Peacekeeper went to the back of the truck and pulled out more luggage. 

“Hallina! Wonderful to see you again.” Lilith hadn’t missed the feeling of a fake smile. She’d put on a thick coat of makeup and a yellow sundress, knowing that Hallina liked her in that color. 

“Oh, Lilith, the pleasure is all mine!” Hallina went right to the Victor and hugged her tight. “Your District is... quaint.”

“Well, the Capitol is incomparable,” Lilith said smoothly, offering Hallina her arm. The woman tutted at the tight bandage around it. 

“What happened?”

“I fell and cut myself. I was running and got carried away, hitting a root,” Lilith lied. Hallina had no reason to suspect her, and accepted the explanation easily.

“Oh, dear, you must be more careful. Shall we head to our quarters? Don’t worry about my  _ things _ , the Avoxes will deal with them.”

Lilith glanced back once at the rushed and hassled Avoxes, but couldn’t assist them. She told Hallina about Victors’ Village, its history, and who lived there, leaving out the remaining Desmonds, Jay’s supplicants, and Seeder’s charges. Best not to ruffle any feathers. “As you might be able to tell, it gets cold early here, and winters are bitter.”

“How can you handle it?” Hallina wrinkled her nose. “I abhor the cold!”

“I have worked through winters enough times to be used to it. Now, The house is probably small by your standards, but I designed it to mimic mansions that I saw in the Capitol. Your father-in-law’s and Jillian Richardson’s specifically. The builders did excellently, I must say.” Lilith was proud of the house: it had tall, grand ceilings, golden walls, and elegant furniture. A wall of cheap-yet-beautiful paintings covered the entrance to the kitchen and a large staircase (in the place of an entire room) that led up to several velvet-lined bedrooms and a bathroom. 

“The size is a challenge, but I like it. Much better than the rest of this miserable District,” Hallina sniffed. She turned to the Avoxes, barking orders in a harsh tone. They scrambled to obey, eyes wide with fear. “Take my bags up to the bedroom and get the equipment out. Now! And I like you in this outfit, Lilith, but I have a better one. First, though, you must tell me what is going on.”

Lilith swallowed her dread at Hallina’s words and told herself to just get through this, that it would be all right in the end. “I have just been settling in, really. It is nice to see my family again and be back home. District 11 may be dirty and full of the poor, but it is my home. Also, I can access classes easier here with a less full schedule.”

“You’re taking classes? Where?” Hallina leaned in, genuinely interested in the answer. She wasn’t so bad for President Snow’s daughter-in-law.

“The University has a program for Victors that allows us to be taking them at home,” Lilith explained. “I have a wonderful teacher and am really enjoying the experience.”

“Great! Education is quite useful. It could get you places,” Hallina said. “I attended the University, originally to study Biology, but then I fell in love with Genetic Engineering. It was wonderful! Made me a Gamemaker in a decade. Junior to Erudice, of course, but she was grateful for the help and I have many Senior responsibilities.”

“That sounds interesting. So, if I may ask, how did you engineer the bear mutts? Their behavior was quite engaging.”

Hallina clearly loved her work, eyes shining in legitimate joy as she spoke. Lilith would have respected it if said mutts hadn’t torn a teenager apart for entertainment. “I am happy to answer! How much do you know about the biology of a bear?”

“I have not gotten to bigger animals with my teacher yet.”

“Well, they’re almost all muscle and have thick fur and skin. There used to be three species, but the big brown ones are the only ones left. I just had Peacekeepers capture a group and gave them serum that made them loyal! Quite simple, really. It was quite a bit of trial and error making the drug. A few specimens died, but all in the name of science.”

“And entertainment.” Lilith managed to keep a furious bitterness out of her voice, concealing her shaking hands in her elbows. How dare Hallina kill innocent animals?  _ That is not the worst thing that she’s ever done. Keep it controlled. _

“Yes, yes, of course. I am simply obsesses with the process and more towards the final product. Erudice handles that aspect.” Hallina pulled something out of one of the folds in her dress. She laughed at Lilith’s surprised look. “Isn’t it ingenious? Young Garius designed this to have hidden pockets. Convenience and style.”

“He is quite the designer. I really loved my interview dresses in the Hunger Games,” Lilith replied, sucked into a real conversation now. She took the offered box and opened it. A starry, diamond-studded pendant held by a silver chain sat on a soft black velvet. “This is... stunning. Thank you.” She had never been interested in jewelry or cared much about it, but this had use to her. It was the piece that Hallina gave to her mistresses. Lilith was in her inner circle. 

Hallina took Lilith’s thrill on the surface and clapped her hands, grinning brightly. “I’m glad that you like it? It was nothing, really. You can tuck it away while you exercise, but please, keep your siblings’ grubby hands off of it.”

“They will go nowhere near it.” Lilith allowed Hallina to clip the necklace on, letting her smirk grow. Even the hands running down her sides didn’t dampen her sense of victory. 

“Let’s go to bed! It is early, but my loyal little Avoxes will have dinner prepared eventually,” Hallina trilled. She practically dragged Lilith up the stairs. “Well? Sit down on the bed!” 

Lilith sat on the plush bed, taking in the soft fabric below her. Hallina came up behind her, sliding effortlessly onto the sheets. She immediately had Lilith pinned, pushing her down while she zipped down her sundress. “Hmm. Have you been taking care of yourself?”

“Trying to.” Lilith shivered as Hallina slid the dress off her, exposing her skin to the chilled air. The sound of a zipper and the  _ flump  _ of fabric on the ground preceded Hallina jumping on Lilith, limbs and panties combining. 

The next few hours were an interesting and above all painful experience. Hallina thought it was sexy if Lilith crouched while she whipped the barely-of-age Victor, drawing actual blood. The young woman’s moans could be interpreted as pleasured, and Hallina enthusiastically latched onto it. She then tied Lilith to the bed and touched her all over, actually making her come this time. There was no pleasure after the heat passed, just disgust at herself and at Hallina. 

Said woman didn’t seem to comprehend Lilith’s feelings and kept the Victor tied, gesturing for an Avox to come forward. Lilith drew back, thinking that he was going to join in, but Hallina only took a piece of cloth from his shaking hands.

“These three can’t join us for tonight. They’re still too nervous,” Hallina smiled. Lilith almost threw up at the realization, her opinion of Hallina sinking lower. Was this really the sharp, intelligent woman that had been so interesting and chatty earlier? “Now it’s your turn to pleasure me!”

Lilith sighed in relief when Hallina untied her, turning her wrists to get the blood flowing again. “Hallina, can you tie my wrists less tight next time?”

“This is just as tight as last time. Oh, of course, it’s because you’ve lost weight! Good for you, but I’m not loving the book. Too bony for my tastes.” Hallina looked over Lilith, making her hyperaware of the way her ribs stuck out and her stomach sunk in. 

The frustration took over Lilith’s mindset for the rest of the mind even as she finished with Hallina, who luckily responded to the slightest touch.

It was only 20:00 when Hallina left- it turned out that she’d told her husband that she was on a spa day. Lilith waved her and her poor Avoxes off then immediately ran into the nearest bathroom, hurling into the toilet. The noise attracted Mila, who stood in the doorway, grief in her eyes.

“Do you need my help?”

Lilith crouched over the toilet, breathing hard. She nodded in reply. Mila gently led her girlfriend to the kitchen and put a plate of leftovers in front of her as she attended to her back. “Hallina really gave you a beating, didn’t she?”

“I don’t want to talk about it.” Lilith chewed her food slowly, shame, fear, and fury taking control for a few minutes. Mila spoke to her, describing how much she had loved meeting Rue and the other orphans that afternoon, and how lovely Brandon was. Lilith listened, taking it in but also focusing on herself. She needed to get used to this, but for now, all she wanted was to curl up with her siblings. And she did exactly that, creeping into Ursula and Nathan’s bed, with Mila in a nearby chair. 


	51. Chapter 49

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lilith runs the race.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: rape, mention of rape/non-con, eating disorder recovery, attempted murder, injury

_ Lilith really loved having Mila and her brothers around. Jay apparently cared a little bit about appearances and treated them civilly.  _ She and her daughter went three weeks without any type of argument, a record for the past year. Ursula and Nathan attached to a brother each; Ursula and Pietr were both energetic and mischievous, so they caused havoc together, while Nathan and Carson got along well. 

Carson was as intelligent and observant as Mila had said, picking up on Lilith’s struggles with math right away and offering to help. Lilith would normally have been offended by a twelve-year-old tutoring her, but math being the one subject that didn’t come naturally to her, she accepted. He was much more patient than Mila, who as a medical school student needed to be in class all afternoon, every afternoon. It had been a stretch for her to even be in District 11 all the time. 

Mila negotiated to stay with her girlfriend (with Lilith’s permission) by coming up with the treatment for an eating disorder and using the 61st Victor as her patient as long as she could be anonymous. The first few weeks of recovery (scheduled meals, therapy sessions) went well, actually, as Lilith was training hard for her race and needed fuel. She’d managed to gain a few pounds and felt better than ever, dealing with less twinges in her lower legs and even eating a full piece of cake on Mila’s birthday. It also helped her wrist and back heal quicker. 

Dr. North visited a week before the race. Lilith’s disgust for him only grew; he cursed at Grace when she was playing in Killian and Jacob’s yard and burst into tears at the sight of him, and Lilith had to pull him away. Lilith found herself glad for Hallina’s respect as the doctor used her like a doll, just expecting her to do as he told her. She did, of course. 

The race came and went in a blur. Lilith knew the course well as it was on the trails around Mayor Heavensbee’s mansion, and though the area brought back dark memories, the course was also flat and smooth. Perfect for her goal time.

Mayor Heavensbee greeted Lilith as she stepped out of the truck from Victors’ Village, grinning widely. “Miss Hardy! It’s been a while.”

“Yes, Mr. Mayor. Too long.” Lilith helped Brandon down from the truck and watched as Ursula and Nathan hopped to the ground. “Please meet my family. My brother Brandon is deaf, but he can read lips and I will sign to him. The younger kids are my twin siblings, Ursula and Nathan. Ursula wanted to run with me today, but I told her that it’s a little long.”

Mayor Heavensbee chuckled, eyeing Brandon, who was looking around in wonder at the lush mansion and large, untamed forest. “Cute little girl. Oh, Miss Riverwill! I didn’t know that you would be here today. My name is Lopedius Heavensbee and I am the mayor of District 11.”

“Nice to meet you! This is a lovely house. When was it built?” Mila immediately drew the mayor into a conversation on architecture, and neither of them acknowledged that Seeder had brought Rue. 

A voice from the loudspeaker sounded. “The race will start in forty-five minutes. I repeat, the race will start in forty-five minutes... Mila Riverwill, report to the large blue tent to get your pacer number.”

“Pacer number?” Lilith looked at her girlfriend questioningly.

Mila grinned. “Surprise! I’m going to be biking with you. I thought that it would be fun!”

Lilith shrugged. “Could be helpful. All right. Jacob, Seeder, and Killian, can you handle the kids? I have to warm up now.”

“I want to come with you!” Ursula protested. Jacob scooped her up, laughing playfully. 

“You’ll be able to see her, honey. You can go, Lilith.”

Lilith jogged for two miles around the course, taking in her competition. There were plenty of men from the wealthier Districts wearing the tightest clothing possible on a cold day; they would suffer for that. District 11 had the best trails in Panem but also the coldest weather. Lilith herself wore long sleeves, mostly to cover the ugly scar on her still-healing wrist. There were a few women there, but only two looked like they were in shape, and both were probably in their fifties. 

Ten minutes before the race started, Lilith downed a caffeinated gel shot (a concession she’d made to Mila, as the sugar would burn off on the run). She felt calm, fueled, and prepared, making her way through the crowd to the front of the pack.

“Hey!” A young man, twenty or twenty-one, said as Lilith came up beside him. “Shouldn’t you be in the back with all the other girls?”

“I am good here,” Lilith replied, setting her watch to find GPS and running out in a stride. The man was still staring at her when she got back.

“I’m serious. You can’t be fast enough to run with us,” he said, gesturing to a group of other young men, all wearing gray uniforms with large Us on them. Probably the University’s team. Most nodded in agreement but one spoke up.

“I believe it. This is Lilith Hardy, after all.”

“No way!” The first man replied.

Lilith smirked. “Way. I cut my hair because it kept getting in my eyes, that might be why you did not recognize me. I am not offended.” She’d cut her hair because it was just getting too tangled and wanted a change. Now it was practically shaved, with only two inches growing off her head. She really liked the new look, though Mila preferred it long.

The young men left her alone after that, and the starting gun went off soon after. Lilith kept pace with a small group of the University runners for the first two kilometers, then realized that the pace was too slow for her goal time. She fell into a rhythm as they fell away despite desperate accelerations. 

_ Breathe. Step. Breathe _

__ _ Breathe. Keep it controlled. Breathe. _

__ _ You’re doing well. Breathe in... breathe out. _

__ _ Keep it steady. Breathe in... breathe out. _

Mila kept a mantra going after she joined at the four kilometer mark, having gotten caught up in a slower pack before. This helped immensely as Lilith’s legs began to burn nearer to the end, her body crying out for her to stop. 

“Come on, Lilith!”

“You got this!”

“So close. Two kilometers left!”

“You’re breathing’s off. Try to get it under control for the last kilometer!”

The only thing that kept Lilith going in the last few hundred meters was her family standing on the sides, cheering, holding signs of support. It reminded her of why she was doing this, why she was even alive. For them

“YESSSSS!” Mila screamed as Lilith crossed the line. “You did it! Yay!”

Lilith crouched on the ground, breathing hard. “Water?”

“Of course.” Mila handed her girlfriend a water bottle and watched her drink it. “Don’t give yourself a cramp.”

“Too late,” Lilith managed through her sips. Mila laughed, barely looking winded. “What was the time?”

“32:07 unofficially. Great!” The Victors’ celebration was caught by the flash of a camera. Emily Fairysong squealed and ran over as best she could in her heels, looking stunning in a long-sleeved blue dress.

“Wonderful job, Lilith! Can I get a few comments?” 

“I need to get my breath back first and cool down, but sure,” Lilith replied. 

The next day, as Lilith ate her breakfast and wished that she had stretched better the night before, Mila showed her Emily’s article, a light, congratulatory piece. 

**_VICTOR CRUSHES PANEM 10K RECORD_ **

**** _ By Emily Fairysong _

__ _ Lilith Hardy, the 61st Victor from District 11, destroyed the women’s record for the 10,000 meters in her home District this afternoon. She competed in the annual Regional Championship held by Mayor Lopedius Heavensbee and won the race with a time of 32:07.57, a full ninety seconds faster than the previous record, held by Iona Jacobson of District 5. _

__ _ I asked Miss Hardy what she felt went well about the race. “I had Mila [Riverwill, the 60th Victor] with me on a bike and I just felt great,” she said, still out of breath half an hour after the finish, when the fifth woman crossed the line. “This was my first race and I am really happy with how it went. My family was right there at the end and it really helped my final sprint.” _ __

__ _ “Lilith did wonderfully,” Mayor Heavensbee said with a wide smile. “It was rewarding to see her defeat the University boys- it gives them a hint of just how good runners from District 11 can be. Miss Hardy has many years of quality running ahead of her.” _

__ _ When asked what her next goals are, Lilith shared her ambitions confidently. “I want to run a competitive half-marathon next. It will certainly be much different than a 10k, but I feel that I can get under seventy minutes.” _

__ _ Keep posted for more updates of Lilith Hardy’s runs! _

__ “That was a Panem record? Wow,” Lilith grinned. “Yeah, I’d say that went well.”

Lilith was back on the trails just two days later, having a lighter week before she began her harder, longer runs. It had been a rewarding few weeks, marred only by Mila’s concerns about her girlfriend’s safety. 

“I do not need you to know where I am,” Lilith argued. 

“What if something happens? I need to know that you’re safe,” Mila shot back. 

“Stop worrying!” Lilith insisted, turning back to her history paper. 

“Oh, come on. You carry your phone anyway. I just want to turn on location services,” Mila snapped. Lilith handed the phone over, thinking that her girlfriend was just being overprotective. 

Mila’s logic made sense only days later. Lilith ran through the woods, enjoying an easy day as she prepared for a workout the next day, appreciating the stark beauty of the trees around her in the dawn light, when an arm grabbed her from behind. Her first instinct was to panic as a second arm joined the first and pinned her arms, forcing her down so she couldn’t lash out. 

There was one option. Lilith slid the phone out of her sleeve and signed in rapidly, clicking an emergency signal on the app that Mila had forced her to get. It came in handy after all. 

Lilith screamed as her attacker slammed her head against a rock. All of her training in self-defense with Jacob had come to nothing, apparently, she thought absently through a blinding pain. It became clear when the attacker flipped her over and revealed a man in an official-looking black outfit, his face halfway covered, that this was a targeted, orchestrated attack.

“Hello, Miss Hardy. I’ve been looking forward to meeting you,” the man leered, his tone clear through a mask. He smashed the fallen phone beneath his foot, scattering the pieces around his victim. Lilith tried to fight as he unzipped his pants, and looked away when she felt him slide down her leggings and underwear, leaving her open to him.

The man stayed on her for five minutes, bringing her body up and down with his passion, shoving his penis into her and creating a burning down below. 

“Hmm. Not enough of a reaction- I hear that you’re quite sexually proficient.” The man pulled out of Lilith and put his penis away, also pulling up her pants. “This is our little secret, all right? Not that you’ll be spreading it around.”

The silver of a knife was the only warning Lilith had before the blade entered her stomach one, two, three times. 

The world went fuzzy after that. Lilith’s consciousness came and went, a pool of dark liquid forming around her as the sky brightened, and the last thing she comprehended was a woman’s panicked cry and a man’s shout of fury. 


	52. Chapter 50

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lilith wakes up and gets some clarification. 
> 
> Know that I am very far from a medical professional and did a bare minimum of research. I apologize for any glaring errors and will not be focusing on the specifics of Mila’s medical studies.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: mention of rape, attempted murder

_Lilith didn’t want to open her eyes. The bright light beyond them already hurt her eyelids, and the silence scared her._ However, a beeping from above her head kept the darkness away and Lilith tuned into her body. A deep ache focused in her stomach, confusing her for a moment, then the memories came back. A man in the woods. A knife.

“I know you’re awake, honey,” a woman’s voice said. Lilith opened her eyes then and looked to the source, blinking against a blurriness that sometimes clouded her vision after a long sleep. The tall, busty figure of a gray-coated woman came into view. Lilith realized that the pressure around her mouth came from an oxygen mask, and she moved to take it off. “Keep that on for now!” The woman took Lilith’s wrist before she could remove the mask. “It’ll help, I promise.”

“How long have I been here?” Lilith asked as clearly as she could through the mask, knowing exactly where she was. District 11’s only decent hospital, located in the North. She had been too injured to survive traveling far. 

“Around a day and a half. Slept like you haven’t gotten rest in a week.” The nurse adjusted something on a bag with an IV attached to Lilith’s arm. “Don’t worry, I’m not knocking you out again, just turning down the intensity. Can’t have your concussion getting worse.”

Lilith considered. Why was it so shocking that she had a concussion? The drugs must be slowing her down. 

“You were in rough shape when you got here. The only reason you didn’t die on the journey was because Miss Riverwill stopped the bleeding. Second year medical student, so young, really brilliant. Perfect mindest. Anyway, she kept you stable on the long ride. Your heart rate was all over the place at first, but you were never in critical condition.”

“What is the projected recovery time?” Lilith understood that running was off the table for the next while. She was alive and relieved at the moment; the disappointment would come later. 

“Physically, five or six months. We got a mysterious shipment of Capitol technology just hours ago and that should really help,” the nurse said with a small smile, which faded almost immediately.

“Having connections can be useful.” Lilith gazed at the nurse, waiting to hear the rest.

“Mentally... it depends. The rape caused trauma, and you have a history of mental instability. Don’t argue, you clearly never got medical attention for your wrist. Another thing that concerns me is the lack of damage from rape. There was enough evidence to indicate forced entry, but no bleeding or tearing.”

Lilith chuckled to herself, then regretted it when her stomach spiked. She would keep the nurse- Rachel Jackson, as her nametag revealed- ingnorant. “I have a support system and should be all right.”

Nurse Jackson made a doubtful face, pulling her lips together and eyebrows up. “Sure, hon. Now, Miss Riverwill has been begging to see you for hours.” She walked over to the door and let in a haggard-looking Mila. The 60th Victor rushed forward, crouching by Lilith’s side. Nurse Jackson left the two alone.

“Hi,” Lilith said roughly, then coughed. “Could I have some water?”

“You’ve been getting fluids. You shouldn’t be thirsty.” Mila glanced at one of Lilith’s IVs and reached towards it.

“I feel hydrated, my throat is dry,” Lilith corrected gently. A quick lick over her lips revealed cracked skin. “And my lips. Is there lotion?”

“Of course.” Mila removed Lilith’s oxygen mask, letting her sip a bit of water, and rubbed some lotion on her lips. The other Victor’s breathing became labored without support, so the oxygen mask was back on almost immediately. “I’ve been really worried.”

“Nurse Jackson said you saved my life.”

“It was the least I could do. I mean- you were bleeding so much, and the attacker was nowhere to be found. And... I thought you were dying.”

Lilith took Mila’s hand, wiping her first tears away with the other. “I didn’t because of you.”

“And Killian. He called the truck and got everything done, dealt with the family, all of that.” Mila smiled and pulled herself together, going back into doctor mode. “How are you feeling pain-wise?”

“Sore where the wounds are, but not terrible. My head feels fine and I don’t think I had any other major injuries.” 

“No, you’re right, only a few scratches.” Mila paused for a moment. “Sorry for losing control, I just...” 

“No problem. It must be hard to see me like that.” Lilith was fading now, feeling the drugs take over again.

“Yeah, there you go. See you in an hour.” Mila’s voice accompanied Lilith to sleep.

  
  


......

“Lilith! Lilith! Lilith!” Ursula. Lilith huffed out a laugh, opening her eyes once more. The sight of her entire family, Jay included, greeted her. Mila and Killian stood in the corner talking among themselves. 

“Hi, Ursula,” Lilith said. The little girl squealed and bounced on her toes, trying to touch her sister. Jay took ahold of her.

“Lilith is injured. You have to be gentle,” Jay chided.

“Please, hon, just for a bit,” Lilith added.

Ursula nodded in exaggerated assent. “Okay! Anything I can do!”

“I was afraid that you wouldn’t wake up,” Nathan, sitting in a chair with tears running down his face, managed. 

He’s been worried sick  , Brandon signed.  We all were, but he showed it the most. Ursula asked many questions. 

“You’re going to have to translate for me,” Lilith said, gesturing to her mother, Mila, and Killian. “Can’t sign right now.”

“What do you want to say?” Mila jumped right in.

“That I’m sorry,” Lilith replied simply. 

“Sorry for what? I want to know!” Ursula’s chatting today stemmed from something other than her usual cheer, and that was when Lilith knew that her accident had caused the whole family worry 

“Let’s not bother your sister any longer. She needs to rest,” Jay said suddenly. “Now come on, it’s time for lunch.”

“The food here is gross!” Nathan complained as Jay led him and Ursula out of the room. Brandon followed after a moment, sending a small smile at Lilith, stomach audibly grumbling. 

“How long do you think until I can run again?” Mila didn’t understand Lilith’s words at first, so the Victor removed her oxygen mask. Then the younger woman snorted, shaking her head. 

“A few months at the very least. Though your wounds were stitched with tough material so it can withstand some pull. Why do you even ask? You were stabbed yesterday.”

“I’m just trying to make conversation. So... you’ve told me about your interest in making lists of specific injuries. Can I see mine?”

“That’s not what it’s called, and it’s not an official document, but here’s a list I made.” Mila tore a page out of her notebook and handed it to Lilith, who scanned it over interestedly. 

  * _A deep tear near upper right ribs in the lower torso, requiring eighteen stitches. Hit three blood veins._



  * _Second tear, shallow but long, vertically along central torso. Hit central blood vein and required twenty-six stitches. Main source of blood loss._


  * _Third wound between fourth and fifth ribs on the left. Hit no blood veins or bones, incredibly. Required ten stitches._


  * _Moderate concussion worsened by unconsciousness for an extended period of time._


  * _Scrapes, bruises_



“That’s a lot of stitches!” Killian held the paper, raising an eyebrow.

“I was _stabbed_ ,” Lilith pointed out. 

“Yeah. You were.” Mila sat down then, exhaustion catching up with her. 

“Sleep. Lilith is in safe hands,” Killian told the 60th Victor. Mila looked to her girlfriend, who nodded in agreement, and dragged herself over to a nearby cot. She was unconscious almost the moment she lay her head down.

Lilith smiled fondly at Mila’s relaxed expression. “How long has she been up?”

Killian shook his head, sitting in the chair that Mila had just vacated. “For about twenty hours yesterday, then she managed a four-hour rest last night. It’s been worry and taking care of your siblings since.”

“Speaking of siblings, where are hers?” Lilith needed more painkillers; her stitches pulled on her skin and the wounds themselves burned. 

“Back in Victors’ Village with Seeder and Jacob. They’re alright.” Killian leaned forward. “I’m glad you’re awake and coherent. Can I hug you?”

Lilith would normally refuse. She’d never liked physical contact unless it came from her younger siblings or Mila, and couldn’t remember the last time she and Killian had hugged, but this wasn’t really a hug. Killian’s quick sign, both hands with his digits out except for the middle fingers and thumb, which came together pulling away from the opposite hand, meant _message._ “Yes, of course, thank you for asking.”

What he whispered in Lilith’s ear next would haunt her for years to come. “The attack was orchestrated by the Capitol. You weren’t meant to survive it.”


	53. Chapter 51

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lilith heals and gets busy with life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: mention of past murder, rape/non-con

_ The Capitol’s fury didn’t become clear immediately. Lilith healed relatively quickly, the stitches holding up well, and a strict regime of severely limited movement, she recovered physically. _ Mila stuck around for her girlfriend, pushing to become her assistant doctor. With Dr. North around only once a week she was practically Lilith’s live-in medic.

It became clear after three weeks that being in District 11 was hurting Lilith’s mental recovery. She flinched at the mention of the forests and would retreat into herself, hatred filling her, but there was nothing to be done for hours when she got into this state.

“You’ve never reacted to anything like this before. Even after the Games, you were more active in trauma,” Killian said to Lilith one night after a particularly bad fit of depression. The younger Victor nodded in agreement, sipping her tea, shifting every so often to take pressure off of her heavily bandaged wounds. 

“I know. And I’ve always been able to work through my issues, but this feels different. Any time I hear about the woods, or even about nature, I become afraid. It’s just so frustrating.” In truth, things were worse than Lilith was willing to admit. She knew how to have quiet nightmares and not wake Mila up with her, so her partner had no idea how many times she shot awake, reliving her attack, per night. Exhaustion most likely played a role in her breakdowns. 

“Would being somewhere else help?” This came from Mila, who was lying beside Lilith with a book, taking a break from her studies. 

“Maybe! I read that trauma victims fare well away from the places they usually inhabit. Unfamiliarity actually helps recovery,” Jacob put in.

“I would be willing to try,” Lilith said thoughtfully. “What could work?”

“Well...” Mila began, suddenly nervous, “my mother has been wanting me back for a while, and my brothers miss their friends. I want to go home.”

So the decision was made. The Hardy siblings came along, wanting to travel, and Jay stayed behind. Lilith insisted on making most of the arrangements as the work took her mind off her injuries and the woods. She asked for a special train that would stop for a prearranged length of time and rooms in one of the few uninhabited houses in Victors’ Village. Mila still lived with her family, as did her grandfather, so there was little space available there. 

The trip went smoothly, and Lilith immediately felt better as she was carried away from District 11. The driver took his time, allowing for views of passing Districts, which Ursula and Nathan reveled over. It reminded Lilith that they’d never been away from 11 in their lives while she was now used to travel. Maybe this trip wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world for them.

Lilith fell in love with District 2 from the moment that she saw the train station. She’d expected dark, forbidding mountains, but the train tracks ran along purple slopes and grand cliffs. Eagles soared through the sky and ancient trees covered low-altitude areas. Lilith knew that there must be more creatures, but the train was moving too rapidly to spot them.

“Beautiful, isn’t it?” Mila came up to Lilith, relaxed in sweatpants and a jacket, smiling widely. Her brothers were telling Ursula and Nathan all about their home. “Victors’ Village is right at the base of a big mountain. Great sights, great trails.”

“I just feel wonder looking into these woods,” Lilith said joyfully. “This’ll be perfect for getting back into shape!”

Mila sighed. “Is that all you think about?”

“No! To be fair, you’ve been complaining about not being able to ride on ‘real hills’ for weeks,” Lilith shot back, making quotes in the air. 

“Ooh, when you’re able, I want to get you in the lake! You’d make a perfect triathlete.” 

“Triathlete?” Lilith gave her girlfriend a confused look.

“Runner, swimmer, and biker. I’ve been holding off my pool training because District 11 has none but as I knew, the trails are fantastic.” Mila didn’t seem upset over her sacrifice for Lilith, but the other Victor drew back, suddenly filled with guilt.

“You stopped training for a race just to see me?”

“Of course! It’s in eight months anyway, I have plenty of time. You should be able to put in a decent performance if you would like to train for it. Swimming is relatively safe for your stomach.”

“I would like that.” Lilith turned to Ursula as the little girl tried to pull her bag out of a Peacekeeper’s hands. “Ursula, let her take it!”

“I have a book in there!” Ursula wailed. Another Peacekeeper entered, attracted by the noise, and fear took control of Lilith for a moment. Was she about to lose her sister?

“Then ask nicely. Copy me. Ma’am, would you please let me grab a book from the bag before you take it?” Mila coached. Brandon held Nathan back from interrupting, Carson and Pietr just behind them. 

“Ma’am, would you please let me grab a book from the bag before you take it?” Ursula grumbled. The Peacekeeper straightened up and nodded, smirking. That was when Lilith recognized her. Ursula took her book and backed away, still pouting.

“You are Enobaria’s sister,” Lilith said. The Peacekeeper nodded again, holding out a hand. 

“My name is Rayna. It is a pleasure to meet you.” She spoke stiffly, and something about the look in her eyes made Lilith cautious. “My sister hates you.”

“She has made that clear.” Lilith noted how tense Mila seemed, and understood that Rayna must be one of the unstable Peacekeeper siblings. “I apologize for mine. She is just a child, if slightly spoiled.”

“I’m not-” Ursula tried to object. Brandon shushed her and shoved the book at her as a distraction.

“Yes. Watch out for that one. I will take your bag now.” Lilith gently handed her bookbag over, hoping that Rayna wouldn’t sabotage it. She would carry her vital rebel technology on her back, as did Mila. 

Despite tensions at first, Lilith didn’t run into any trouble with Enobaria or her family. The Ovalines did a good job of avoiding the Hardys as they settled in, and there was plenty to keep them away from each other. 

The ridiculousnes of how many Victors District 2 had as compared to District 11 stood out in the village. Only one was deceased so eight Victors and their rather large families crowded the space. Only Mila, Nicholas, and Hayley had no children and only Nicholas remained single, so with four new inhabitants, Victors’ Village was always busy. Ursula and Nathan blended right in with the group of children that always ran around, keeping up right away. 

Lilith was a peer to many of the District 2 Victors as a consequence of her Games and found a place in almost every house. She also discovered how physically active the village as a whole was, only the oldest not competitors in some type of sport, and though it ached when she couldn’t exercise, it came in handy as she got back to running and into the pool. 

Nicholas proved to be an incredible swimmer and gave Lilith individual lessons. She didn’t believe his gushing over her talent, but it made her feel better. Building up her biking skills and getting back to running helped her confidence. Not much did after her siblings left, tired of being away from home after three months. They had lives back in 11 and felt deeply attached to it. 

Lilith was almost relieved when Brandon, Ursula, and Nathan left. She had been more anxious about spending time with them because it took away from her many activities. Brandon could tell by then and only somewhat understood, though luckily the twins hadn’t picked up on it. 

Lilith wanted to be busy because her crippling depressions would return whenever she had free time to think. Her teacher noted a new drive for work and guessed how she felt, but all of his requests for her to open up failed. Lilith always became irritated and snapped at him, so eventually, words faded to concerned looks. Still, he doubled her workload and began to grade her on it, pleased when they all came back close to perfect. Lilith progressed through the equivalent of two class levels in six months. 

Spending time with Mila was easy because the younger Victor was Lilith’s doctor, much more attentive than Dr. North, who stopped visiting after the worst of her injuries had passed. He’d really only been in it for the sex anyway, almost reopening Lilith’s wounds one night. Mila had Lilith give her an honest rundown of her pain levels and progress in her training when it came time. They would have dinner together every night, most times with the Riverwills (who were open and accepting of the relationship with no qualms, it seemed) or another Victor and their families. 

District 2’s city blew Lilith’s mind with its busyness and contents. She perused its many shops, buying more books than she ever had before and developed actual knowledge on fashion from magazines. The restaurants served delicious dishes from many different eras and Districts, making for a varied and entertaining dining experience. All of the Victors tended to go incognito if they were individuals, standing out as a group, though Lilith was recognized often. She got much more respect than she would have in District 11, however.

The city was only a part of District 2’s story. Lilith saw the miserable mine workers and the ones coming from mysterious buildings. District 2 built weapons and had just as much of a class system as District 11. The stunning natural world offered a place away from all of her problems and Lilith would always remember her walks, runs, and bikes in the mountains.

Lilith’s full schedule, compounded by the duties on a rebel planning committee for her sabotage plan, kept her weight down to a level that felt comfortable for both her, Mila, and Jacob, her unofficial therapist by January. She met with him every Wednesday at 17:00. The sabotage plan itself was going wonderfully, as Hallina appeared to be actually falling for Lilith, who made the twenty-minute drive to the Capitol to visit her weekly. 

Another bright spot was Opal, who recovered from her injuries slowly, making common cause with Lilith. They exchanged texts constantly, bonding over lessons and their shared fatalistic attitudes. She didn’t blame Lilith at all for her 

With so much going on, Lilith almost forgot about Killian’s warning. She enjoyed her year in District 2 and waved goodbye to her new connections three days before the Reaping, only getting back to her house in Victors’ Village to unpack some extra clothing before heading to the host town, in the South this year. 

The world came crashing down, guilt and horror like the knife in Lilith’s stomach only months before, when Ilinican read out the first tribute’s name. 

“Brandon Hardy!”


	54. Family Trees

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A brief overview of familial relations in this story so far with known characters. Snow has more children and a wife, but Lilith hasn’t met or heard much about them.
> 
> * means that the person is deceased.
> 
> ——— indicates blood sibling relationships.
> 
> ..... is a strong relationship, marriage or not

**Hardy Family**

Jay Hardy (neé Locklear).....Scythe Hardy*

Lilith ———— Brandon ———— Ursula ———— Nathan 

  
  
  


**Riverwill Family**

Grant Shade

Helena Riverwill (neé Shade)........Jason Riverwill

Mila ——— Pietr ——— Carson ——— Oliver 

  
  


**Rockwell Family**

Julia Rockwell (neé McGregor)......Jack Rockwell

Nicholas ——— Peter* ——— Norman* ——— Hunter 

**Dustin Family**

Howard Dustin.....Janice Dustin (neé Pearson)

Mycenae ——— Gina ——— Rafael

**Snow Family**

Coriolanus Snow

Grayson Snow.....Hallina Snow (neé Dahrk)

**Haze-Nolan Family**

Killian Haze.....Jacob Nolan

**Desmond Family**

Vivianna Desmond

Kellan ——— Grace ——— April* ——— 2 other daughters*

**Howell Family**

Seeder Howell

Rue Lightner

**Other Relationships**

Lilith Hardy.....Mila Riverwill

Brandon Hardy.....Kellan Desmond

Lilith Hardy.....Hallina Snow


	55. Chapter 52

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lilith meets her tribute and tries to work through Brandon’s Reaping.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: depiction of a panic attack, grief, survivor’s guilt

_ So this was the Capitol’s punishment. Brandon, her loving, supportive, finally happy and stable brother was going to the Hunger Games.  _ Lilith froze, every bit of self-hatred she’d ever had coming back, before a light touch on her shoulder made her jump.

“He didn’t hear. The Peacekeepers are getting upset, you need to tell him,” Seeder, tears shining in her eyes, whispered to Lilith. The young woman nodded stiffly and stood, noting that Chaff looked more depressed than usual and Killian was cursing aggressively under his breath, shoving past Ilinican when he tried to stop her. The warning signs, so clear now, flashed through her mind as she walked towards the sixteen-year-olds’ section.

The Reaping should have been held in the South that year, but it went to the West instead. Odd, a break in the four-year cycle. It was always North to West, then South to East. A second oddity: Ilinican never called the male name before the female name. Lilith should have seen it. Should have known.

“Miss Hardy, do you have a reason for being out of your seat?” A Peacekeeper stood in Lilith’s way, hand on her gun.

“My brother is deaf and did not hear the call. He will come if I tell him,” Lilith replied. The Peacekeeper nodded and stepped aside, allowing Lilith to approach Brandon. The boy immediately understood what was going on and his eyes widened, filling with fear for a moment before hardening. He took his sister’s outstretched hand without argument. The teenagers around him moved to make way rather hurriedly.

The crowd broke out into noise as Lilith and Brandon headed for the stage. Every camera trained on the siblings, neither of whom gave anything away on their faces.

“Well! This is interesting,” Ilinican trilled when the Hardys were onstage. “Now for our female tribute!” He made a show of rustling in the bowl, making the crowd even more restless. The name was said with an irritated sigh. “Katrina Halverton!”

Lilith, holding her pale brother’s hand, almost crumpled in relief when a tall, dark-skinnned girl with large hair and an aura of wiry strength about her approached the stage from the eighteen-year-olds’ section, looking rattled but stable. Not an immediately hopeless case. She was mentoring again because Seeder wanted uninterrupted time with Rue and Chaff was a last-ditch option. 

Lilith shook Katrina’s hand, smiling tightly, before the girl was escorted off by a Peacekeeper. The cameras followed their system of turning off the moment the Reaping ended- they’re seen enough for the Capitol to go crazy over the situation. 

Brandon went wild as soon as he stepped foot into the waiting room, racing around and throwing the nearest vase. It almost hit a Peacekeeper and the one behind Lilith grabbed the Victor’s arm.

“Calm down that retard. Now.”

Lilith caught Brandon as he rushed past her, breathing hard, eyes wide. This was the only time he really made sound, a keening scream that hurt her ears and threw those unused to it off. 

Luckily, she knew how to calm Brandon down. The teenager must have known the necessity of remaining calm in the back of his mind, because a back rub and secure hug got him back on track. Just in time for the arrival of Seeder, Rue, Ursula, and Nathan.

Lilith nearly broke down in tears at the twins’ distress. Nathan spent the full five minutes glued to Brandon’s leg, shaking uncontrollably, and Ursula squealed anything that came to her mind. 

“Where is our mother? She did come, yes?” Lilith asked Seeder lowly while holding the hyperactive Ursula in place so Brandon could read her lips, dreading the answer.

Seeder’s mouth thinned. “She left immediately with the truck. Told me to take the twins to the Capitol. Said nothing about Brandon.”

“Fucking cunt! Shit!” Lilith lost for a moment, whirling around to avoid her siblings’ shocked looks. “That bitch is so - so fucking - shit!” She’d never cursed in front of Ursula and Nathan before and only slightly regretted it.

What’s wrong? Brandon signed, becoming even more distressed than before.

“Jay won’t be coming to see you. She left. I need you two to know just how horrible that is,” Lilith replied, her signs stiff, eyes blazing. “She is not a mother.”

“I hate to interrupt this family drama, but you have thirty seconds left,” a Peacekeeper said dryly. 

Lilith nodded and leaned over Brandon.  Cry now if you’re going to. I am so sorry about this.

Seeder led the way, helpling Lilith drag Nathan with her, Ursula sending glances back at Brandon as she went. Lilith kept the twins busy for the next hour by making them work on homwork in the train car, even though Ursula whined the entire time. Nathan held a giggling Rue, fifteen months old and walking now. 

The tributes arrived together, totally silent, followed by two Peacekeepers. The door slammed behind them.

“Seeder, please take Ursula and Nathan to a different car,” Lilith told her former mentor. 

“No!” Nathan cried.

“Why?” Ursula groaned.

We have Hunger Games things to discuss, Brandon informed his younger siblings. Katrina watched the scene impatiently, leg bouncing.

“You can sleep with Brandon tonight. Come on!” Ursula and Nathan allowed Seeder to lead them away, Rue attached to her back, dragging their feet.

Killian gestured to a nearby table, signing as he spoke. “Please sit down.”

“So, Katrina,” Lilith said to the teenager. “You look old for being Reaping-eligible. Strong, too.”

“I’m nineteen in three weeks,” Katrina replied wryly. Lilith’s jaw dropped as she translated for Brandon. 

Killian barked out a laugh. “Damn, you’re not that much younger than Lilith here! Well, it’ll be to your advantage. How long have you been working in the fields?”

“Ten years. Eight with harder lifting.” Katrina looked at her muscled arms. 

“Good! And can you use a scythe, yes?” Lilith quizzed.

“I know how to stab things.”

“You have promise.” Killian nodded approvingly. “Any other hidden talents?”

“Not really.” Katrina looked down then. “I’m not interesting either. I’m not a hidden genius like you, Lilith.”

“I am not a genius.” Lilith hid her embarrassment with a chuckle. “I can think on my feet. What about you?”

“I know how to survive. Survival skills,” Katrina replied. “Why aren’t you asking Brandon, and what are you doing with your hands?”

Brandon held up a hand, stopping the Victors from answering for him. He wrote on napkin instead.  _ I am Lilith’s brother and deaf. They’re signing at me. _

Katrina stared blankly at the napkin. “What? I can’t read.”

“He is my deaf brother. We are signing, using his language,” Lilith said with slight annoyance. So the girl was stupid. 

“Oh, a boy that I once knew was deaf,” Katrina said lightly. “He didn’t last long in the fields.”

Lilith cleared her throat. “Well, Brandon did. Killian already knows his skills, so we do not need to go over them right now.”

“Let’s split for a while. Have an individual session.” Killian tucked into the meal that a young Avox brought, as did the tributes. Lilith took some bites after a look from the 46th Victor. “Lilith, you can take Katrina over to another table.”

Katrina and Lilith carried their plates across the room and sat down again. “I’m so happy that you’re mentoring this year. I loved watching your win! My mother says that we look alike.”

“Your mother is right.” Lilith and Katrina did share similarities; bony figures, with more healthy fat and muscle on the Victor’s, and strength. Lilith was getting more nutritious food and had smoother skin, showing athletic fitness as opposed to Katrina’ forced fitness from constant work. The tribute sported an Afro just like Lilith had during her Games. That hair was still short now.

“I have a request.” Katrina spoke again after a moment of silence. 

“Request away.”

“I want to start learning skills now. Knife, fighting, anything that can help,” Katrina said, eyes shining with exuberance.

“I am not allowed to, but...” Lilith fingered Hallina’s ring of approval, secure around her neck. “I suppose using bladeless knives would be all right. You seen so accepting about being Reaped, I must say.”

“Obviously I’m upset, but I like seeing he best of situations,” Katrina said lightly. Lilith shook her head in disbelief: a happy-go-lucky District 11 citizen. She learned new things every day.

Lunch and brief with Katrina, who picked up on basic knife handling well enough, could only distract Lilith for so long, and it was that night, after a Reaping that flashed by without any sort of notetaking and only the observation that District 7’s tributes were weak that year, that the Victor allowed herself to break down. Mila provided a sympathetic ear, as she had lost a sister to the Hunger Games years before and really did love Brandon. 

Brandon was going to die. He might put up a brave face, but he knew it, and so did Killian. All because Lilith had wanted to live seven months before. Mila managed to talk her girlfriend down from doing anything drastic, fear lacing her voice, and both teenagers ended the call exhausted.

Lilith’s pacing and crying made her wounds ache, so she eventually lay down on the bed after hanging up with Mila. She had options for things to do that night. Anything but think about Brandon’s impending fate. She sorted through her electronic messages, filling out a form for an upcoming triathlon and working out when and where her many interviews would be, the first in less than twenty-four hours.

The invitations that made Lilith the most upset were from her clients. Three from Hallina alone. Couldn’t she get any sort of break?

_ No. You will never escape the consequences of your survival.  _


	56. Chapter 53

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Two in one day! 
> 
> Lilith keeps herself busy with observations and plans.

_Lilith couldn’t sleep after she went through her messages. No matter how many times she curled under the covers (on her side, a holdout from the worst pain after her injuries) and controlled her breathing, the familiar wash of exhaustion didn’t come._ Not even the beginning of a bad dream. After an hour of this, Lilith decided to just get work done in the time she had. Carson’s packet of Hunger Games work, a welcome break from the rapid pace of the past few months, lay waiting on a nearby chair with several textbooks. 

Lilith powered through the Reading Comprehension section. She’d always been the best at that because of how her spotty education had worked out, so it was the easiest part of her schoolwork. 

Then, as Lilith hadn’t fully paid attention to the Reaping or taken notes, she decided to review it. A call to Ariana Kilgrave could give her more background.

Ariana Kilgrave was one of the biggest enigmas Lilith had ever run into, a mix of Career savegery, impeccable manners, and rebellion. She worked for District 13 too as part of the family business, with her Tribute Training Official parents being staunch rebels. The entire family kept up perfect façades of loyalty while working to take down the Capitol. Ariana had seemed like a classic Career in her Games, sticking with her alliance until the end and taking credit for four kills. The final fight, short and brutal, had been between the two District 1 tributes with Ariana coming out as the clear winner. She’d been a crowd favorite and was popular in the Capitol now, though she had managed to stay out of the client system by marrying a rich Capitolite at only sixteen. Her husband Charles Colgreen was also a rebel, helpfully placed in the business world

Ariana had reached out months before as Lilith’s sabotage plan began to formalize. Her parents were willing to be spies, an extension of their usual position, and help carry out destruction plans when asked. Lilith would need to go over what exactly some of those plans were later, but the information she required at the moment was on the tributes. 

“Hello, Lilith. It’s nice to hear from you,” Ariana said smoothly, her voice untainted by fatigue.

“Ariana. I am glad that I could catch you,” Lilith replied. “How did the Reaping go? I would love to hear your impressions.”

Ariana caught on, a beep coming from her end indicating that she’d blocked the call from any governmental oversight. Her house was totally debugged and a haven for rebel meetings disguised as parties. Lilith lay on her bed, head down, far away from any microphones as she could be, voice muffled in the covers. Her position was natural enough to get away with.

“I was so sorry to hear about your brother being Reaped. What did you do?”

“My attacker took too long and Mila managed to save my life. I was meant to die that night,” Lilith said, her tone iron. She couldn’t let her emotions take over.

“Ah.” Ariana paused for a moment before taking a breath. “Well, what do you want to know?”

“Everything,” Lilith replied. 

  
  


_Standout Tributes for the 63rd Hunger Games_

_District 1_

_Female: Kayleigh Fulton, 17, Volunteer_

  * _Strong in training, uses most weapons well, excels in swords and throwing knives, fighting, extreme agility and flexibility, light on her feet and a relatively fast runner_


  * _Not particularly clever, doesn’t have a standout personality- does not solve problems quickly_


  * _Not expected to win and will back up her District partner with her life on agreement_


  * _Decent sponsorships as she’s a thin, pretty brunette- 23 already, that number should grow_



_Male: Gloss Poolshine, 18, Volunteer_

  * _Incredibly promising, dominates in training, expert mace and, interestingly, bows and arrows, decent runner, somewhat agile, gets passing grades, can think on his feet_


  * Is only passable in knives and swords and if he loses his temper, he absolutely blows up and cannot get out of his head


  * _He has been working on it and it takes a significant amount of stress to snap_


  * _Favorite to win, is already up to 50 sponsors_


  * _Blonde hair, classically attractive male body, ice-blue eyes_


  * _Entertained the crowd at the Reaping_



_District 2_

_Female: Melina Suncrest, 15, Volunteer_

  * _Unique tribute in that she’s not prepared to go, only two years into serious training_


  * _She held it together at the Reaping but doesn’t understand why she’s being forced into the Games_


  * _Reason: the Capitol wants a male Career Victor, preferably Gloss_


  * _Decent in most weapons, uses a knife well, but doesn’t have the strength of the other Careers_


  * _She’s clever so she might stand a chance, and she’s certainly in better fighting shape than non-Careers_


  * _She is a sprinter, should fare well in the Bloodbath, but lacks endurance_


  * _Only decent showing at the Reaping and looks, 15 sponsors_



_Male: Jacques Pierre, 17, Volunteer_

  * _Pure muscle, his weapon is a club_


  * _Really brutal and will add a bloodthirsty element, be allowed to kill many tributes_


  * _Not intelligent, though, slow to react_


  * _Fine in other weapons, has the mindset of a pure Career_


  * _He’s darker-skinned so seems exotic, 39 sponsors_



_District 4_

_Female: Paisley Ivory, 18, Volunteer_

  * _Stunning, curvy, dark green eyes, tanned skin, black hair_


  * _Does not have much visible strength but her agility and eidetic memory really help her_


  * _She’s a threat if she can stay alive- her personality has been described as “foxlike” by her teachers and trainers_


  * _Not wonderful grades in school but always nails aptitude tests_


  * _District 4 is working against the plan of the other Career Districts_


  * _Paisley is promising, popular (53 sponsors), and really stands a chance_


  * _Has professed to hate the other Career Districts_


  * _She uses a trident and sword, proficient in other lighter weapons_



_Male: Craig Wolverton, 16, Volunteer_

  * _Not a looker but has some aspects that help, such as physical strength and unique wiriness_


  * _He’s young for a District 4 tribute_


  * _Solid all around with weapons, has no glaring weaknesses_


  * _Or strengths either_


  * _Only 20 sponsors and not an expected winner_



_No other truly standout tributes- none look particularly pathetic either, and Brandon has the most sponsors (most likely sympathy) at 60._

  * _I have to make a plan with Killian for how to divide the money after he dies_



Lilith’s hand trembled as she typed. This was meant to be a distraction from her brother’s fate. Maybe looking over her plans would help. 

_Options For Sabotage:_

  * _Bomb below the presidential mansion/other government buildings_


  *     * _This would have to involve crews of workers- a dangerous number of people_


  * _Assassination attempt on President Snow_


  *     * _It will be hard to convince Hallina of the necessity, this is a long-term plan_


  * _Major technological shutdown, data leak_


  *     * _This is quite possible with many spies in the technology sector_


  *     * _The game plan for the first go_


  * _Prison breaks, immigration to District 13_


  *     * _This is happening on a small scale but anything major would be too obvious_


  * _Destruction of the Arena_


  *     * _Not right now because of the tributes and mentors_


  *     * _Again requires a crew of workers, who seem necessary in general_


  * _There’s only two months in the winter where the building is clear_


  *     * _All of these steps should lead to government collapse and I need_ _to start making plans for my place after the fall_


  * **_I need someone to take the fall in case any of this fails and can be linked back to me_**




	57. Chapter 54

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lilith and the gang arrive at the Capitol.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: eating disorders

_ Lilith might have been able to get work done the night before, but it meant that she was exhausted in the morning. Brandon’s eyes were reddened and he only paid half-attention to Killian as he spoke to the tributes, while Katrina followed along eagerly.  _ She ran right to the window as the train pulled into the Capitol, taking in the crowds lining the tracks.

“The clothes are so great!” She squealed. “So fashionable.”

“Yeah,” Lilith replied absently, having caught sight of Jillian waving to her as the train slowed. “Oh, speaking of which, you will be turned over to prep teams and Garius, the stylist. My prep team is three talkative sisters, I do not know about the other team. They mean no harm and Garius is a wonderful designer, giant peach costumes from last year aside.”

Killian and Brandon snorted in laughter. “Poor Maple looked so upset! Even Seeder laughed at her and Shale.”

“Those two were the tributes last year?” Katrina asked, eyes shining with curiosity. “What were they like? I always found it odd that Shale lasted so long but didn’t even attempt to kill anyone.”

“He chose to hide. I admit that it wasn’t the best strategy for interest, but oh well,” Killian shrugged. “He made it to the final three. Successful though Enobaria was the favorite.”

She’s really rude, Brandon signed. 

“How do you know that?” Katrina asked as the tributes and their mentors headed to the front of the train, after Lilith had translated for her.

Lilith’s reply died on her lips as she saw the massive crowd waiting on the station. Flashes from a hundred cameras almost made Katrina fall off the train, only to be caught by a tight-jawed Killian. She took ahold of Brandon’s arm, glad that he couldn’t hear the questions thrown their way. She began to panic while shoving through the only available path she could see, made by Peacekeepers who held back Capitolites.

“Miss Hardy, how do you feel about your brother getting Reaped?”

“Why did you get him from the crowd?”

“What’s wrong with your brother?”

“Why aren’t you mentoring Brandon?”

“What will you do if he dies?”

“How long will your brother last in the Arena?”

“What are your thoughts on this year’s Careers?”

“Will you be sleeping with Jillian this year?”

“Will you invite the public to your birthday party?”

“Why is there a picture going around of Seeder Howell with a baby? What’s going on?”

“Are your little siblings here? What was their reaction to Brandon’s Reaping?”

A Peacekeeper jumped into the nearest parked taxi and gestured the hassled group in. “Wow,” Killian breathed. “I’ve never seen anything like that. Even when both of Nick’s brothers ended up in the Games.”

“Neither have I,” the driver said, shaking his head. “Unheard of.”

Wonderful. So Lilith was special even for a Victor. She huffed and took Brandon’s hand, giving him the most comforting look that she could. It fell flat under her brother’s terrified gaze.

There was another crowd waiting at the tribute center, this time held back by half an army of Peacekeepers. Another car pulled up right after Katrina stepped out of District 11’s taxi, the last to exit. Mila brightened when she saw Lilith but held herself back in front of the cameras. She’d been so excited to mentor this year after Quartz, but now she was stuck with an unprepared Career.

Milana followed behind her mentor, confused at the crowd, and rushed into the building with the rest. Lilith stayed back to help Grant, Mila’s grandfather, a quiet old man who had been gracious towards her in the past few months. He suffered from arthritis at a relatively early age.

“Hey!” Mila latched onto Lilith the moment they were out of sight of the cameras. Katrian’s jaw dropped as the two kissed, and Jacques rolled his eyes. Brandon just smiled.

“It’s only been four days,” Lilith laughed at her girlfriend’s joy. 

“Yes, but so much has happened! Oh, Brandon,” Mila said, pulling the teenager in for a hug. She waited until he could see her clearly to sign/speak again. “I was so upset to hear of your Reaping. So unfortunate.”

“How do you all know each other?” Katrina demanded. “And what’s with the kissing?”

Lilith slid her scarred arm around Mila’s shoulders. “Fair enough. Mila and I have been together for almost two years. We met after my Games and I’ve spent the months after my attack in District 2.”

“You were attacked?” Katrina’s shock grew. “When? Where? By who?”

“You’re an idiot. Don’t you read the news?” Jacques sneered. He eyed Brandon, curling his lip. “What’s wrong with him?”

_ I’m deaf _ , Brandon scribbled on the notebook that he carried around.  _ There’s nothing wrong with me. _

Lilith looked away from the tense scene, wishing that Gina Raxson and her two terrified twelve-year-old tributes hadn’t taken the last available elevator. The crowd had caused a holdup for most District mentor/tribute pairs, it seemed.

“That’s unfortunate.” Milana looked at Brandon pityingly then turned back to Katrina. “Lilith here was stabbed by a rebel seven months ago. Mila is her doctor. And girlfriend, of course.”

The media had latched onto Lilith’s injuries and a brief comment by Killian that rebels might have been behind it, spreading the story before the government could stop it. It gave Lilith, Mila, Seeder, and Killian a reason for not being rebels. Why would they support people that tried to kill one of them?

“You didn’t say anything about it.  _ Stabbed _ ?” Katrina was still trying to get her mind around the reveals ten minutes later as the District 11 group finally stepped into their designated apartment. 

Lilith shrugged. “I am mostly healed. It did not seem important.”

“But I asked you to teach me active moves!” Katrina gaped. “That’s dangerous!”

“I am back to full activity. In fact, I will be going to the gym while you are with the prep team.”

We’ll be there that long? Brandon signed, aghast.

Killian grinned wickedly. “With extra time for an interview. Now eat.”

Lilith enjoyed her time in the gym after the tributes were off to be dressed. Cecelia was there, jogging slowly on a treadmill, only slightly less heavy than she had been while pregnant.

“Hi, Lilith!” She grinned. “How are you doing? I was so sorry to hear about your attack.”

Lilith pulled up her shirt to show the padding that stopped activity from pulling on her wound scars, grimacing at the movement as she ran. “I am almost back to full strength. Mila and Dr. North did a wonderful job, I just need to be careful for the next months. How about you? How is your child?”

Cecelia’s smile lit up the room. She immediately stopped jogging and showed Lilith a picture of a rosy-cheeked baby on her phone. “My daughter is named Fiona. She’s nine months old now and so cute!”

“She is cute,” Lilith agreed. She’d never seen a white baby before and it was off-putting, but she told herself to handle it. The only difference between baby Fiona and baby Rue was skin color at this point since Seeder had officially adopted the infant. “It must have been hard to leave her.”

“Oh, yes.” Cecelia looked down, eyes softening. “It was a hard birth, you see, and her life was in danger for a few months. But the Capitol’s call cannot be denied. So too the need to lose weight. You can tell which one is going better than the other.”

Lilith chuckled, not sure of the appropriate response. “You can do it. How is your tribute this year?”

“I’m not mentoring, thankfully,” Cecelia replied. “I was called here anyway. The tributes are... not too promising. Rather weak and shy. How about District 11? I saw that your brother was Reaped.”

Lilith tightened her lips. “Yeah. He is fairly strong but deaf. Katrina shows promise, though.”

Cecelia left Lilith alone after half an hour of painfully slow jogging. The young woman couldn’t help but be glad that she would never have children. The weight from them was so unsightly. 

Lilith’s interview with Emily Fairysong didn’t go badly, but it wasn’t ideal. Lilith managed only a small snack after her run, needing to properly dress and put on makeup before the interview. Her exhaustion caught up with her as a result and she gave dull, uninteresting answers that could only pass once. Emily seemed to take pity on her and cut it short, frustrated but accepting of the situation

Howard greeted Lilith joyfully on the ride to the Tribute Parade, updating his client on his family and giving her condolences on her attack and Brandon’s reaping. It was wonderful to see him, beard a little grayer but mostly the same, again. 

Lilith managed to be on time this year and made her way over to District 11’s chariot with no problem. She noted that Brandon and Katrina were dressed as farmers, with beige overalls and white shirts.

These outfits are stupid , Brandon complained. Katrina nodded, odd because she couldn’t actually understand what he was saying.

“This is so much better from the giant peaches last year. Boring is superior to absolutely ridiculous,” Lilith pointed out. Though they could have been wearing most anything and the crowd’s attention would still have been focused on District 1 in their lighted outfits, particularly Gloss, who towered over Kayleigh. District 4 had put in a good effort with sea-green fabric, stunning on Paisley, accenting Craig’s built form. 

Lilith left for her apartment building directly after dinner that night, needing to check on the twins, who were staying with Seeder until she and Rue left the Capitol in a week. They’d had a good day, and their sister felt comfortable leaving them again after an hour, with an appointment at Hallina Snow’s Mistress Apartment.

Her debt of survival could never be repaid. The rebellion needed as much information as Lilith could possibly give them. Whatever the cost. 


	58. Chapter 55

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lilith has a few important conversations with her siblings and an interesting development occurs during training.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: eating disorders, non-graphic rape/non-con, mental illness

_Brandon woke Lilith at 4:30 the next morning with a tap on her shoulder. The Victor groaned and resisted her brother, needing to rest, despite the fact that Hallina had let her go after only an hour, sensing her exhaustion._

Brandon continued to tap on his sister’s shoulder, the trembling of his hands clear through the brief touch. Lilith sat up, rolling upright, reaching over to turn on her light. She glared at her brother then softened as he signed desperately at her, eyes filling with nervous tears. 

I’m sorry! I just couldn’t sleep. I’m so worried about training. How can I hope to learn? The trainers can’t possibly want to work with me, and the Careers hate me! 

Lilith slung the weighted blanket that she slept with to keep herself calm around her brother’s shoulders, halting the flow of words from his hands as she moved.  Calm down, Brandon. Panicking will help nothing. 

I’m going to die,  Brandon insisted.  There’s no way I can make it, not without hearing, and there’s nothing to calm me down in the Area. Just kids who want to kill me. You would have. 

Lilith sighed, looking down, considering her next words. He was right, of course.  Your instincts are telling you the right things. You have very low odds of survival, lower than the sick girl who died in the cold within a day last year. But you are a Hardy and can defy the odds. How unique is it that all four of us lived past infancy? That I made it through the Arena and can now take care of you? Do not give up. That is the worst thing you can do in the Arena. 

You were an insanely talented tribute. I’m deaf and out of shape,  Brandon argued. The tilt to his shoulders and look in his eyes told Lilith that he’d given up on making it through the Hunger Games before they’d begun. She pushed through her inclination to scream in despair and continued to sign.

You have your own talents. For starters, you have perfectly functioning eyes. Watch the trainers as they teach other tributes and join in after they’re gone. You have the advantage of being a Victor’s brother, one that knows about fighting and techniques. 

Brandon nodded, reining his breathing in.  All right. Thank you for the advice, I’ll be sure to follow it. 

Good!  Lilith took the blanket back, forcing herself to cheer up.  I want to sleep now. You should try to as well. 

Okay. But Lilith, I need you to do one more thing for me. When you get back, move to a different house with Ursula and Nathan. Or kick Jay out. She will corrupt them to be like her or abandon them. Brandon was dead serious now, staring at his sister with a dark gaze. 

I promise.  Lilith squeezed her brother’s hands, smiling sadly.  They will have good lives. I will do anything to make it so. 

Lilith couldn’t sleep after Brandon left, of course. She flashed back to when Maple had come to her room the year before, accepting of her upcoming death, not knowing just how harsh it would be. The Victor began to shiver, unwilling to think of her wonderful brother dying, and only regained control after submerging herself underneath the weighted blanket.

Training began that day, and Lilith headed off to swim with Diana, who was mentoring again this year and had offered to teach the younger Victor how to swim faster. Preparing for three events left her fatigued and hungry, leading to some weight gain as she needed consistent meals to help her focus. Luckily, she was a quick learner and adaptable, accepting advice easily. 

Today’s lesson was on form, not Lilith’s favorite, but necessary to increase speed. One online session had dropped her hundred meter freestyle time by two full seconds. She needed endurance as well, though that came much easier to the Victor and she was already mostly in shape for the length side of the equation. 

Diana and Lilith had a wonderful time, then the younger Victor was off to her only interview not overtly about the Hunger Games, with Polonius Allbright of _Capitol Sports_. He proved to be a tall, fit man wearing a tight blue pantsuit lined with sequins. He was condescending from the moment he saw Lilith, leaning down to shake her hand, accentuating the height difference between them.

“Hello, Miss Hardy. How are you today?”

Lilith smiled tightly, pulling her hand away and offering him a seat at the table. “Just fine, how about you? I have ordered my food but I figured that you would want to order yours.”

“To be honest, I was shocked that you would choose a pasta restaurant. So many carbohydrates! Those are chemicals in sugar, by the way.” Polonius sat, spreading his legs almost automatically.

Lilith raised an eyebrow. “Well, I just had a swimming workout, so I am hungry. And carbohydrates are technically sugars themselves- that and starches and fibers- found in grains, dairy products, fruits and vegetables.”

Polonius’ boorish behavior only continued throughout the interview. He asked only simplistic questions about running, not even triathlons, and did not even mention her injuries until Lilith mentioned that she was recovering from them, and his constant comments on the amount of food she was eating only served to bring up her not-so-old agreements with them. She left the restaurant feeling guilty and wondering if Polonius had enough content to write a full article. 

“Lilith!” Seeder greeted the younger Victor happily when she showed up at the door, lines of exhaustion clear on her face. “I’m so glad you’re here. The twins have been up all night, worrying about you and Brandon.”

“Oh, dear. Well, I can take them for a bit, just to my apartment,” Lilith replied. 

“Yay! You’re here!” Ursula slipped past Seeder to hug Lilith, ignoring how her sister tensed at the touch. “Where’s Brandon?”

“He’s training, remember?” Nathan’s voice sounded from the apartment. “Lilith are you going to take us with you today?”

“Just to my apartment. Come on, take whatever belongings you want,” Lilith called. “Let’s leave Seeder alone for now, shall we? Her and Rue, of course.”

Ursula took ten minutes to pack her toys in a bag, but the Hardys were eventually off. The twins curiously explored Lilith’s apartment, taking in its beige furniture and cleanliness.

“It’s so orderly! Rue leaves toys everywhere. She’s only been walking for three months but she gets into anyplace she likes,” Nathan observed as Lilith settled herself down on the couch, pulling out her work packet. 

Ursula pouted at her sister’s intentions. “Aren’t you going to spend time with us? I want to play with you.”

Lilith’s heart broke at the hurt look in her siblings’ eyes. “I have a lot of work to do, and not much time. Brandon is a tribute and I am his mentor, so I need to be there for him and you two. I only have so much time to watch you, and none to play, at least for the next few days. But we will have a birthday party together this year and you will be living with me in a week.”

“I get it. Being a mentor seems hard! Seeder’s been telling us about it.” Nathan plopped himself on the ground in front of a box of building blocks. 

“It can be hard, yes. Now, before we all go off to our own activities, I have a proposition for you two. How do you feel about moving out of the house?”

“To where? The house you had people work on after last Games?” Ursula asked, her curiosity piqued. Nathan looked up from his blocks

Lilith choked on a laugh. “No, somewhere else. Closer to Killian and Jacob’s, maybe? Or there is another option. I need to be clearer. You two will not be living with Jay any longer.”

“Why?” Ursula asked.

“She’s mean and didn’t come say goodbye to Brandon,” Nathan countered.

“She and I do not get along and I have come to the conclusion that you are not going to be raised well living with her. If you want more information about why... maybe in a few years. Anyway, would you like to stay in the house or move to another?”

“I want to stay!” Nathan replied immediately before turning back to his building blocks. 

Ursula’s tense shoulders and angry expression told Lilith that she wasn’t in agreement before she even opened her mouth. “I want to stay with Mom!”

“Just think about it, will you?” Lilith sighed, glad that her sister was so easily distracted. The little girl played quietly, much unlike her usually joyful, loud afternoons, and her worried eyes further betrayed her internal thoughts. 

Lilith returned the twins to Seeder at 15:30 and headed back to the tribute center, taking a back route to avoid the crowds that still remained in front of the building. The tributes arrived at 16:00, pleased with the day. Brandon’s relieved grin told Lilith that her suggestion had been a good one. 

“I have an alliance!” Katrina burst out almost the moment she stepped into the apartment. Killian looked up from his seat, eyebrow raised, book set aside. 

“Oh, really? With who?” Lilith quizzed. 

“District 2’s girl, Milana! Your girlfriend’s tribute. She came over to me almost right away and said that I seemed strong. She even included Brandon! Said that he’s probably strong, being your brother. Then it got better!”

“Milana. From District 2.” Killian’s voice conveyed his disbelief, but it made sense when Lilith thought about it for a moment. Milana knew that she was being set up to fail, so she was rebelling against expectations. Smart girl, but it was incredibly risky. Mila couldn’t be happy about it. 

“Yeah! Then Paisley and Craig from District 4 joined!”

“Fucking hell,” Killian groaned. Lilith couldn’t help but agree; there was no way the Capitol would let an alliance like that make it long when they wanted Gloss to win.

“That is certainly an interesting development. All right...” Lilith considered her next advice. “Stick with it, both of you. These kids know a lot about weapons and fighting. Watch out for Paisley, though. She is most likely going to go rogue if it gets down to a few tributes and you all are still around.”

“Hold on, why?” Katrina’s tone almost exactly matched Ursula’s from before. Childish.

“There hasn’t been a winner from District 4 since Diana, and the kid seems unstable to me,” Killian put in. “What kind of training did you manage?”

Knives, sparring, basic survival skills, and the ropes course. The Careers excelled at the former stations and we did well at the latter,  Brandon signed.  The other Careers didn’t look happy, District 1’s boy especially, but mostly left us alone. Oh, you have the female course record for the ropes course! That was cool to see. 

Lilith nodded. “That’s expected. Good. Well, this is certainly going to make for an interesting Hunger Games. And do I really have the record? It must have been in my individual session.”

Lilith thought through the Careers’ possible reasons for breaking off with their classic alliance. It really boiled down to the fact that they stood no chance with Gloss as the clear favorite. Their only hope was a rogue, unbeatable alliance. She needed the distraction because she was with Jillian that night and the woman was hyperactive, especially handsy, and absentminded. She didn’t expect Lilith’s full attention, luckily. 

Another round of bruises and more days of make-up. Such was life as a Victor.


	59. Chapter 56

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Training ends and the 63rd Hunger Games begin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: brief mention of rape/non-con, guilt, death, light gore

_ The rest of training went well for both Katrina and Brandon. He proved a natural at swords and could battle it out with Milana, who did eventually beat him.  _ One of District 4’s mentors leaked word of the unusual alliance to the press, causing an uproar among the elite, especially those from District 1. They wanted a Victor just as much as District 4.

The mentors and tributes all knew anyway, so there wasn’t much change with tensions there. Lilith and the other involved mentors fended off questions for days on end, especially the Careers, since it was assumed that the District 11 tributes hadn’t initiated the alliance. Lilith simply went with the line that she thought it was a promising development for Katrina. 

The other Careers, however, stepped up their heckling game and made the rest of group training hell for the 11-4-2 alliance. They constantly barged in on their activities and increased their noise level so that only Brandon could remain focused. He beat several trainers this way. Gloss even tried to attack Milana for “abandoning the fucking strong alliance,” as he put it, in an incident that only cut some of his sponsorships when it leaked to the press. Meanwhile, both District 11 tributes gained sponsors for being part of something so unique.

Individual sessions went extremely well. Brandon, nervous beforehand but with enough background and technical knowledge on weapons and skills to manage, nailed several knives in a target and fought a trainer competently to score a 7. Katrina matched that with a quick run on the ropes course then a defeat of a sparring trainer. 

Milana disappointed with a 6, far below what she was capable of. Maybe Gloss’s threats were getting to her. The boy himself scored a 10, along with Kayleigh, Paisley, an Jacques. Craig scored slightly lower with a 9. 

Lilith’s mind began to turn when the other non-Career all scored under 5. It was unheard of to have no breakout tributes from 7, and 12 had done well with the Bird sisters the last two years. Of course, the Capitol couldn’t have that. 

She didn’t have much time to think, with so much going on for her. She caved into the twins’ pleas and showed them around the Capitol on the last day of group training, her world brightening with every awed gasp that came out of their mouths. The city was majestic in its own way, and the varied array of buildings made for constantly interesting viewing. Lilith had always seen the Capitol as a battleground or used it as a blanket term for the corrupt and murderous it held, but Ursula and Nathan helped her separate the corruption from the place. 

Howard kept the twins entertained when Lilith was too exhausted from nights with her clients and workouts to put much effort into it, and he was completely willing. He loved children and readily gave updates on his family. Lilith promised to bring the twins over to his house once the Games began and her schedule was looser. 

The schedule was just flexible enough for Lilith to sneak in a goodbye between all of her siblings in the minutes before the interviews. The twins didn’t want to leave after ten minutes of signed assurances from Lilith and Brandon of his survival, though they both knew what would realistically happen in possibly less than a day. Wounds were left open and Lilith felt that it might have done more harm than good.

Ariana Kilgrave was mentoring a rival tribute, so she sent an invitation to Lilith for a private Bloodbath party over email. It would be a small affair with only a few select Victors and she told Lilith to disguise herself when she came. 

The interviews piqued Lilith’s interest, most likely the Capitol’s as well. Kayleigh began, wearing a shining green dress that suited her figure perfectly. 

“I must say that you look absolutely stunning tonight!” Caesar, gold suit matching his make-up and making his silver hair stand out, said to Kayleigh, who giggled and sat down, almost tottering in her high heels. 

“Thank you! I’m loving your look as well.”

“Oh, you’re so kind. Kind and talented! I’ve asked so many tributes this question before, but what did you pull off in training? A 10 is a wonderful score.”

“Caesar, you know that I can’t tell,” Kayleigh replied, leaning forward, subtly accentuating the fit of her dress. She played sexy very well, Lilith thought, glancing over at the satisfied look on Ariana’s face. The mentoring room was no different, but having Brandon in the Games had totally changed her perspective on the event. The white walls now hurt her eyes and the computers showing tributes’ stats and sponsorships repulsed her like it never had before. The interviews made her want to throw up. 

Kayleigh bantered with Caesar for the rest of her interview, entertaining the crowd and showing herself to have a sharp wit. She might be a stronger contender than Lilith had initially thought.

Gloss came on next. His pale golden suit showed off his impressive muscle and matched Caesar’s outfit, something the host immediately pounced on. “Oh, you’ve copied me! I must say, gold looks much better on you than me.”

Gloss’s smile lit up the room with its false sincerity. “He’s almost as good as you are!”

“What, in pretending?” Lilith asked as Gloss continued a strong interview. He spoke a bit about his sister at home, who had been jealous not to be in these Games, though he said that he liked this better.

“Oh? You wouldn’t want to compete against Cashmere?” Caesar prompted. 

Gloss chuckled. “No, because she might annoy me sometimes, but I don’t want to kill her. We are family, after all.”

“Am I right in assuming from your words that you would kill Cashmere if her name had been called instead of Miss Fulton?” Caesar leaned forward expectantly. There were only thirty seconds left on the clock, something Gloss might have been aware of, because he took his time in replying. The beep immediately followed his final words.

“Absolutely. I will do anything to win.”

Lilith sat back in her seat. This favorite was no slouch and his last words had held a note of such finality and conviction that Lilith knew that he meant them. Not good for anyone else’s chances.

Milana was on next, clothed in a sheer yellow dress that brought out the bits of blue in her brown eyes. She was so young that her figure hadn’t fully developed and she was rather heavy compared to every other female tribute. Some girls were just built that way, but the Capitol took no prisoners when it came to looks. She brilliantly played to her natural sweetness and charmed the crowd, speaking about her single mother and an ill younger brother at home. She blushed innocently when asked about any crushes but almost became a different person after Caesar’s question on her hopes for the Hunger Games, straightening her posture and turning her smile into a determined line. Unfortunately, her words had less of an affect than Gloss’s. 

“I’ll do my best to win, of course. I will get back to my family and continue the trend of District 2 female victories.”

Mila inclined her head from where she sat beside Lilith, arm securely around her girlfriend’s shoulders. “It’s alright. She should have just stuck with one angle.”

Jacques’s angle matched Gloss’s but he played it off less successfully. Again, his lack of intelligence came through in stumbles with the definition of words. Grant just sighed, rolling his eyes. “At least he can fight,” he grumbled.

District 3 just passed by with nothing to report on. Paisley outshone any other female tribute in a stunning icy-white dress with a plunging neckline. Something about the glitter on its edges and her simple shell necklace accentuated the elegant lines of her face. Her dark green eyes and long black hair completed the look of an angel.

“Oh, my, Miss Ivory! You are...” Caesar was left speechless for the first time ever, eyes wide. His and the crowd’s wonder only increased with the intensity that Paisley showed when speaking about her desire to claim victory. She laughed off the alliance, saying that she was a unique tribute, so why not be part of a unique alliance? Mags seemed pleased with her and Lilith’s respect grew for the girl. Meanwhile, Craig just fell flat. There was no other descriptor for his performance. Lilith wasn’t even sure what angle he’d tried to play and the crowd’s lack of enthusiasm in their cheers proved their agreement. Diana murmured a curse under her breath, regretting another failed tribute. 

The interviews flew by, uninteresting tribute after uninteresting tribute, until Katrina pranced onstage in a red dress and with a bright smile. Lilith’s feeling of pleasure at her tribute lessened with every word that came out of her mouth, however.

All Katrina could talk about was killing. She and Lilith had agreed on a sly angle in training but she went rogue, comparing herself to her mentor and voicing a want to beat Lilith’s kill record.

“Since when is she a wannabe Murderess?” Rachel Powellen jeered from across the room. Probably already bitter over her tribute’s death. 

“Since now,” Lilith shot back. In her mind, watching Katrina describe how to mutilate a human, she thought that the 4-2-11 alliance would end quickly and with much bloodshed. 

Brandon did the best he could. He only got one real point in because he had to write his replies on a piece of paper, and Caesar thought that he had to over-enunciate his words to the boy would understand him. His overdramatic attempts at signing didn’t sit well with even the audience. Lilith silently glared the host down, offense settling over her. How dare he make this worse than it already was?

Lilith didn’t say much to Katrina that night or the next morning, only giving her basic advice and a head nod of grudging approval. It was certainly a standout performance. She had a client that night and put her full efforts into pleasing him, needing to forget about the next day. It only worked for the time she was away from the tribute center and she got no sleep, tossing and turning for hours, too upset to even read.

Brandon’s face was pale through the next morning and Lilith could tell that he was about to break down. He did well to hold himself together, however, and responded to her tight goodbye hug with a kiss on the forehead. They knew of their strong bond and love for each other. No need to say it. He’d already told her that he didn’t blame her for his situation, little as it did to alleviate her guilt.

“You know what to do, Katrina,” Lilith told her tribute as the girl stepped into the pod, eyes nervous but determined. “If you really want to be like me, get a weapon and start killing. Stick with the alliance as long as you can. Take out District 1 quickly. May the odds be ever in your favor.”

Lilith’s world fell apart only seconds after she sat down in the mentoring room, surrounded by Mila and Killian. She’d told Brandon the rules. He knew that he must wait a full minute before stepping off his plate.

So it could only have been a premeditated choice when her brother leaped off the pod ten seconds into the countdown, turning to a mess of blood, bone, and flesh in mere moments.


	60. Chapter 57

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lilith gets through the Bloodbath and faces the twins.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: blood, gore, death, grief

_ Lilith’s whole body shook as crippling grief caused her to sob uncontrollably. She couldn’t pay attention to anything after the gong went off, signaling the official start of the 63rd Hunger Games. _ Mila forewent focusing on her tribute to comfort Lilith, rubbing her shoulders, whispering meaningless words that didn’t help at all.

Brandon was gone. It was so true, so devastating, so sudden. He’d chosen his own death, defying whatever fate the Capitol had in store for him, and probably felt nothing, but the way his eyes had widened just slightly before he’d blown up played in Lilith’s mind over and over. She had wanted him to try, but to what end? He would have been an immediate target in the Bloodbath, and there was no guarantee that any of his allies would defend him. Suicide was simple and solved many problems before they began. It made sense to Brandon’s character. Her intelligent, reasonable brother who’d died because of her survival.

The Bloodbath’s action began right away. Many of the weaker tributes fled, including the two that had been right next to Brandon and were now covered in his blood. District 12’s girl, however, chose to run for a small bag and found herself being rushed by all of the Careers and Katrina. Gloss backed up and used a spear, catching the sixteen-year-old through the stomach. She died without a sound, red beginning to soak her pale shirt. A drunk Haymitch groaned something incomprehensible, probably a curse.

Gloss and Craig, both wielding swords now, leaped for each other savagely. They matched in height and muscle and met with a loud clang from their blades. Katrina avoided the fight and picked a knife off the ground, searching around for a victim. Her eyes fell upon the District 5 boy, on the ground after tripping on a rock. She smirked and approached swiftly, bringing the knife down several times on his back. 

Lilith flashed back to her stabbing, the feeling of a knife in her stomach, and let out another sob. She knew that the other mentors were staring but couldn’t bring herself to care. She had to stay focused on the Bloodbath, a feat that felt absolutely impossible at the moment. Hayden’s chair went flying as he stood, cursing, spitting in Lilith’s direction. It served him right for being an insufferable prick, she thought.

Gloss, Milana, and Jacques were now locked in a furious fight. Lilith had missed Craig’s death- the boy was now sprawled out on the ground, felled by a gaping chest wound. It was unclear who was allied with who because there was so much clashing of blades and dodging of blows. When Gloss realized that District 2’s tributes were really fighting each other, he ducked away, literally shoving Jacques’ sword towards Milana. Diana was already out of the door, having given Lilith a supportive shoulder squeeze as she went. 

Paisley hunted down District 7’s pair, foolishly hovering around the Cornucopia, eyes flashing with glee. Lilith remembered the rush of her first kill and knew what the girl was feeling. Meanwhile, District 12’s male and the two District 8 tributes perused supplies opposite the fighting, dodging poorly shot arrows from Kayleigh and getting away with not only four bags but a various number of knives, a spear, and a sword. 

Rachel Powellen gasped when Paisley pounced on her tribute, tripping the boy as she choked her victim, making the kill longer than it needed to be. The look on her face had turned from glee to pure ferocity. “Fuck!” Rachel screamed as her girl finally died, eyes popping, face stuck in a desperate, twisted expression. 

Mags seemed uncomfortable but didn’t back down. “She wants to win.”

“Oh, come on!” Blight shouted when Paisley turned to his tribute, grabbing a nearby rock. “Don’t, just stab him- no!” Paisley brought the rock down onto the boy’s head, then again, and again. It came up covered in blood and brains each time. Lilith looked away when the camera focused on what remained of the poor boy’s face. 

She needed to pull herself together. It was one thing to break down here, among mentors sworn to secrecy and with their own griefs and insecurities, but there were probably a mass of reporters waiting at the entrance, ready to eat any sign of insecurity up as a fatal flaw. 

Mila’s arm around Lilith suddenly loosened. The grieving Victor looked up to see Grant shaking his granddaugter’s hand, and a glance at the screen showed Milana on the ground, blood staining the ground, from three lines down the Career’s chest. 

Killian let go of Lilith when she made a small movement with her shoulder, focusing on the Arena as Gloss, Kayleigh, and Jacques backed off, taking supplies as they went. “Why are they giving up the Cornucopia?” She murmured. It had been Kayleigh’s suggestion, and she would know. An overhead shot of the Arena showed the depth of the Capitol’s control.

The Arena was a carbon copy of District 1. Tall rock formations and overhangs broke up open, red soil and heat-resistant foliage. Cacti dotted the topography, spikes longer than those Lilith had seen in pictures. Tributes would do well not to get scratched by them. Small rodents darted around, chased by catlike creatures, and bugs scuttled in shadows. Birds swooped through the sky, crying out to each other. Beautiful but most likely deadly to the tributes stuck out with no supplies, a good half of the field at this point. 

Lilith stood as Katrina closed Milana’s eyes and Paisley crowed in victory. Mila followed, harried, eyes flashing with many conflicting emotions. “Watch over Katrina for today. I have to see the twins.” Killian nodded at the command and turned to the computer showing Katrina’s statistics. She was in good health, her heart rate a little high.

“Twins? Your kids?” Haymitch questioned from across the room. Lilith gave him a hard look, irritated, forgetting about her grief for a moment.

“Why do people assume that I have children? No, my siblings, twelve years younger. They are with Seeder currently.”

“You brought kids here?” Maulus, Gloss’s mentor, chimed in. 

“Our mother went back to Victors’ Village the moment the Reaping ended, so yeah, I was not going to leave them in a different region without a ride,” Lilith snapped. She’d overshared and reined her reactions back in, feeling the tears threaten to return. “Anyway. I will be back tomorrow.”

“Oh, Lilith, I’m so sorry,” Mila whispered into her girlfriend’s neck the moment they were alone in the bathroom. 

“It was expected.” Lilith forced her anger and pushed the spark of acceptance within her into a fire. She washed her face and relieved herself, waiting for the redness to disappear from her eyes before speaking again. “I’m sorry about Milana.”

“It was expected.” Mila smiled sadly as the Victors walked down the hall hand-in-hand. Lilith picked up her phone, noticing with disapproval that her hand was trembling, and called Howard.

“Lilith. My cond-” Lilith cut Howard off before he could finish his sentance. 

“I will be getting many condolences. What I need from you is to be at the back door and ready to take me to my apartment building in the next few minutes.”

“Will do.” Howard hung up, voice softening. 

Mila and Lilith sat together on the taxi ride. They cuddled, getting as much contact as they could, both mourning a kind, brave boy who’d chosen to defy fate in his last act. He would not die by another’s hand. 

Seeder greeted Lilith at the door, her eyes red. “They know that he’s dead but didn’t watch it. I told them it was a car accident, the first thing that I thought of.”

Lilith winced. “They’ll see right through that. Thank you for watching them, but we need to be together now.”

“Of course. Kids, Lilith’s here!” Seeder called. Ursula appeared, dry-eyed but bursting with energy and confusion, followed by a sobbing Nathan. They said nothing as Lilith and Mila led them away. Ursula’s held-back words burst out the moment she stepped into her sister’s apartment. 

“Seeder says that Brandon’s dead. But how? I didn’t see it and I know that she’s lying. It’s only true if you tell me, Lilith. Tell me that it isn’t true! Tell me that Brandon’s going to walk in the door just like normal!”

Lilith’s controls shattered. She slid down to the ground, beginning to sob again, barely managing to stumble out her next words. “Brandon is gone, Ursula.”

Ursula’s wail must have alerted half the building to her grief. It made the noise-sensitive Mila cover her ears, and Nathan cried out with his sister.

The siblings cried together for an hour, leaving them all exhausted. Mila slipped away at one point, feeling uncomfortable at the raw emotion. Eventually, it came time to prepare for Ariana’s party. Lilith left her sleepy siblings in the living room while she changed into the first dress she could find in her closet. It was an ugly green and showed the patch on her stomach, so she switched it out for a red, looser, longer dress. Yolanda entered, silently as always, and didn’t sign at Lilith for the first time since she’d found out that the Victor could. She just began putting a simple coat of make-up on, refreshing the cover on her marks from Jillian.

Lilith looked over her siblings and judged that their clothes weren’t too wrinkled or dirty. She would take them to Ariana’s party. With Brandon dead and Jay neglectful, whatever the Hardy siblings did now, they would do as a family. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Death Toll: 7  
> Brandon (D11M)- killed by land mines before Games began   
> Lia (D12F)- killed by Gloss (D1M) in Bloodbath  
> Quinn (D5M)- killed by Katrina (D11F) in Bloodbath  
> Craig (D4M)- killed by Gloss (D1M) in Bloodbath  
> Oak (D7M)- killed by Paisley (D4F) in Bloodbath  
> Cherry (D7F)- killed by Paisley (D4F) in Bloodbath  
> Milana (D2F)- killed by Jacques (D2M) in Bloodbath 
> 
> Kill Count:  
> Gloss (D1M): 2  
> Paisley (D4F): 2  
> Jacques (D2M): 1  
> Katrina (D11F): 1  
> Brandon (D11M): 1


	61. Chapter 58

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lilith and the twins attend Ariana’s Bloodbath party.

_ The Bloodbath party was truly small, with only seven Victors other than Lilith and Killian in attendance. Haymitch sat in a corner of the Colgreen mansion’s front hall, already drunk at 18:30. _ Killian rolled his eyes at the older Victor and switched his irritated expression to a smile when Ariana and Charles Colgreen approached, arm in arm.

Charles Colgreen was thirty-five years old and looked ten years younger, with thick dirty blonde hair, pale blue eyes, creamy white skin, and a fit frame. He and Ariana, small and petite, olive skin, black hair, and green eyes creating a unique look in a District 1 Victor and a mature presence, made a handsome couple. 

“Killian, Lilith! So glad that you could make it,” Ariana said gracefully. “And who are these two young people?”

“These two are Ursula and Nathan, my siblings,” Lilith replied. “I apologize for their attire, but I decided at the last minute to bring them.”

“Of course. You’ve had quite the loss today,” Charles answered with an artful look of sympathy on his face. Lilith had seen him at several parties and didn’t get the feeling he cared much for anyone other than those close to him, but his position as a government employee and connections were incredibly useful to the rebels. 

“I would like to discuss that tonight, actually,” Lilith said. “And this Arena.”

“That is going to be the main topic of our conversation. Now, you must be introduced to the others! There are many children here tonight.” Ariana gestured for Lilith, Killian, and the oddly silent twins to go forward while her husband pulled Haymitch to his feet.

Victors of varying ages dotted around the grand dining room, taking food from a table along the back wall. Avoxes were setting up the table, preparing for a meal. 

“Are you going to eat?” Killian asked Lilith, voice barbed.

“I only had a short run today. Early. I only need a little bit.” Lilith refused to take the bait, heading over to the food. She caught Mags’ eye and waved. Chandler Justice had three kids under fourteen with him; it turned out that Rachel Powellen was a mother, as her young daughter had her red hair and her toddler son shared the dark brown of her eyes; Blight Branch, unfriendly as always; Maulus Naismith stood next to a teenager taller than his two-meter height; and Diana immediately went over to Lilith.

“Hey! I honestly didn’t think that you would come. How are you feeling?”

“Upset. But this is a good distraction.” Lilith chose a healthy-looking pasta dish and a piece of fruit in place of dessert. “Nathan, what do you want?”

“Mac n’ cheese,” the boy murmured. His sister put a brownie on the plate too, breaking from her usual ban of added sugars. He’d lost a brother today. 

“I’m not hungry!” Ursula declared. “Don’t get me anything.”

“Really?” A new voice said. Lilith looked to see a young girl of about thirteen smiling at her sister. “Because the chicken casserole is delicious! I’m on thirds already, and I just got here.”

“What’s in the chicken casserole?” Ursula demanded, sultrier than usual, folding her arms angrily. Lilith quietly motioned Nathan over to where Rachel’s children were eating on the ground by their mother’s feet. The boy shook his head stubbornly.

“Well, chicken, and egg, and cheese,” the girl replied playfully. “And vegetables too, of course, if you happen to like them.”

“I do,” Ursula said thoughtfully. “I’ll have that then, and juice, and cake!”

Lilith agreed reluctantly, not liking the amount of sugar her sister would ingest, but glad that she wanted to eat. “Thank you,” she said to the girl. “My name is Lilith. These two are Ursula and Nathan.”

“I’m Ila Justice,” the girl replied. “I do know who you are.”

“Sorry about your sister,” Lilith said awkwardly. Well, at least Birch hadn’t been one of her victims. 

Ila’s lips twitched sadly. “It’s okay. Not really your fault. It was all for survival, right?”

“I needed to take care of these two.” Lilith ruffled Nathan’s hair, making him whine in protest. 

“Ah, Ila, there you are. I see that you’ve met Lilith,” Chandler said, approaching. “Now, why don’t you show her siblings around? Maybe introduce them to your brothers.”

“Wait. I don’t want to leave you!” Nathan cried when Ursula tried to pull him away. Lilith crouched down to his level, wiping away the tears that had sprung up in his eyes. 

“It’s okay, Nathan, you can go have fun with new friends. I’m going to be in boring conversations with adults that you wouldn’t like. It won’t take long, I promise, go on.” Nathan nodded reluctantly, following Ursula and Ila over to the other children.

The adults settled into the meal. Charles was the definite leader, owner of the house, commander of the servants, and began to speak smoothly, an air of command about him. “There are no remaining cameras or bugs in this house. We all may speak freely. Some of us have been rebels for years, but some are new to this movement.” He sent a conspicuous look at Maulus, who was hunched over his plate, visibly uncomfortable with the situation. 

“First of all, this Arena is completely set up,” Killian began. “What did the Gamemakers do, just take a piece of District 1 from the desert and put it in the Arena?” “It took much more work than that, but yes, this is a set-up,” Ariana responded. “It took a full year for them to grow the cactus and develop the rock formations. It’s all real, you know. I haven’t heard much about the mutts, but Hallina Snow and Erudice Willowshine have been working practically nonstop all year. The only time that I’ve seen Snow leave is to see Lilith. Seriously, she hasn’t spoken to her husband in months.” Lilith snorted. “That’s surprising to you? They abuse and lie to each other.”

“You’re sleeping with the President’s daughter-in-law?” Rachel Powellen’s jaw dropped. No one else other than Maulus and Blight seemed surprised.

“I’m one of her unofficial mistresses. She gives up plenty of information when drunk or high on sex, though she is loyal to the government,” Lilith confirmed. “She’s said nothing on the Games this year.”

“We were all sworn to deep secrecy. I hand-picked Kayleigh as a sacrifice and neither District 2 tribute stands a chance against Gloss. His training, both mental and physical, has really been ramped up,” Ariana informed the group. “Mila wasn’t told anything about her tribute, nor her grandfather. They’re both considered question marks, especially since Lilith has been living with them for the last few months.”

“Why does it always come back to Lilith? Why is she so important?” Blight demanded, gesturing at the other Victor.

Lilith opened her mouth to reply, then closed it, considering. Mags spoke then in a raspy but authoritative voice, glaring at Blight. “Lilith’s situation was unique from the start. Her Arena was set up, if you couldn’t tell, not as obviously as this year but still. That never happened before and she’s still paying off the debt. She also set a kill record, four more than any Career. She can play the popularity game better than anyone in this room and has captured the love of most Capitolites, not to mention the Districts. And she survived when they tried to kill her last winter, creating massive sympathy, making it impossible for them to kill her now. So they threw her brother in the Arena and ordered Gloss to kill him. But that didn’t work out either, so yes, this really does come back to Lilith. They want a dominant Victor like she was, or Killian, or Enobaria, and it doesn’t look likely at this point.”

Blight was totally silent, shock showing in his face, and Killian laughed. Lilith sent a grateful look to Mags. 

The conversation continued when Charles turned on the television. Night had fallen, and the District 1 tributes were thriving while the rest suffered. Not all of them, however, as Katrina and Paisley had full access to supplies and the confidence to set up a fire. Gloss, Kayleigh, and Jacques knew where they were anyway. District 12’s boy and the two District 8 tributes also had heat blankets, weapons, and food from the bags from the Cornucopia. The other tributes, though, were truly having a horrible time. District 6’s girl was already developing frostbite, her District partner not far behind. Caesar provided interesting commentary in that he did anything possible to not point out the obvious. 

Apparently, newspapers all over Panem were publishing scathing pieces on these Games. Lilith wasn’t sure why they would be so open, and it came as no surprise to her that the Capitol was planning on a veritable massacre: eight families would be killed that night, ten the next day. Especially in District 2, the source of most of the complaints since Milana had died so quickly. 

Maulus didn’t speak much at all that night, and Lilith’s suspicion grew. She approached Charles and Ariana after dinner, before the sleeping twins could wake and ask to leave. “Can I talk to you privately?”

“Sure.” Charles nodded to a shadowy corner, and the three headed over. “What did you want to talk about?”

“Maulus seems quite suspicious to be. What makes you think that he can be trusted?” Lilith kept her voice mild, but felt her anxiety rise at the thought of a mole in their midst. “If one thing goes wrong, I’m dead, my family is dead. Mila would be implicated, and Seeder.”

Ariana placed a hand on Lilith’s arm, frowning when the other Victor pulled away. “I understand your worries, but we wouldn’t have invited Maulus if he wasn’t trustworthy. So please relax. And take your siblings home, they look exhausted!”

Lilith and Killian carried the twins out of the house, thanking their hosts and the other Victors. The assurance had done nothing to assuage Lilith’s fears about Maulus’ loyalty. Killian returned to the party to get drunk, wishing Lilith a good night’s sleep. 

Lilith stayed up for another hour after settling the twins into her bed, planning their shared birthday for two days from the next afternoon. A few invitees, a cake, some decorations. Nothing big or flashy. It would do all of them good and was a move to continue on with life- just like Brandon wanted from his family. 


	62. Chapter 59

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lilith comforts her siblings and watches the Games

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: death, blood, gore, grief

__ _ “Brandon! Brandon! Come back!” Nathan’s wail woke Lilith just hours later from her own disturbed sleep. She shot up, panic making her breath come in desperate gulps, moving Ursula from where she lay on top of her sister.  _

__ “Hey!” Urusula protested sleepily, then rolled into a more comfortable position, taking half the sheets with her. 

“Honey, what’s wrong?” Lilith asked a teary-eyed Nathan quietly. 

“I want Brandon,” Nathan sniffled. “I dreamed that he walked in the door then just collapsed, and blood began to pool under him, and then he died. It was horrible!”

“That sounds horrible. Did he say anything?” Lilith pressed, disbelief washing over her. Nathan was barely seven, had never been allowed to watch the Hunger Games, so he shouldn’t be having nightmares like that. 

“Oddly enough, yeah! But with Mommy’s voice, blaming me for letting him die. I thought it was weird because Mommy hates Brandon. But I do blame myself for not doing more to help or visiting Brandon more,” Nathan confided.

Lilith pulled her brother close, heart breaking for the child. It was her job to take responsibility, not him. She would make sure he never had to. “You did nothing , Nathan,  _ nothing  _ to cause Brandon’s death. I promise. Your visit made him happy. There was nothing more that you could have done.”

“I think that you’re lying,” Ursula said, suddenly wide awake. “Lilith, I mean.”

“About it not being my fault Brandon died?” Nathan asked, shocked out of his grief for a moment. Lilith let her brother go to stare at her sister, unsure of the answer.

“No, that’s just ridiculous. You’re lying about how he died. Since when did he ever show interest in driving and didn’t even like cars. He didn’t get into a car crash. Now, I want the truth. Was he killed? Stabbed? Tell me.” Her voice, normally so demanding, had a new intensity to it. This wasn’t about a toy or getting to play with friends, this was about her brother.

“Fine. Seeder told a really poor lie and you deserve to know. So, this will take a little explaining. How much do you know about the Hunger Games?” Lilith liked telling her siblings stories, and they went into listening mode despite the importance of the question.

“Twenty-four tributes are Reaped every year to atone for the rebellion that not only killed many on the good side but many of the rebels too. Some tributes volunteer sometimes for some reason. Only one tribute survives and they have to mentor future tributes. Like you are now.” Ursula was most likely paraphrasing from her textbook, not actually understanding what the Games really were. It was best that she stay ignorant for now. 

“That’s the basis, yes. The place that the tributes are held in is called the Arena and it changes every year. Gamemaker-controlled animls, mutations or mutts, play varied roles. My Arena was a cold forest with squirrels that poison flesh. One bit me and I- well, I dealt with it. This year it’s a desert that gets super hot during the day and cold at night. But none of this answers your question. When the tributes first arrive at the Arena, they’re standing on metal plates and have to stay on them for a minute. It allows for tension to build and a quick analysis of the Arena. They’re held on the plates by the fact that explosives line the area around them. Brandon, along with everyone else, knew that. I suppose that he didn’t want to die by another’s hand, so... he stepped off the plate too early.”

“Chose his own death,” Nathan murmured. Ursula, meanwhile, became even more upset.

“Why would he do that? That’s so stupid!”

“He wanted his fate to be in his own hands,” Lilith replied. “It was quick and merciful for the Hunger Games. Now, please go to sleep, he wouldn’t want you to be so exhausted.”

Ursula frowned and flopped back down, curling in on herself. After a moment, Lilith realized that she was crying. Nathan, in contrast, was unconscious again after a moment of relaxation. Lilith lay back, wrapping her arms around her siblings, both of whom leaned into the touch. 

A buzzing brought all three out of their slumber. Lilith sat up again, rubbing her eyes and taking the phone call. “Hello?”

“Lilith, hello. This is Seeder. You’re supposed to drop the twins off in half an hour. I’m calling because based on the fact that Killian showed up at midnight, knocking on the door and shouting, waking the baby and half of the hall, you probably also had a late night.”

“I did, thank you, Seeder. I hope that you didn’t let him in.” Lilith smiled despite the fatigue in her bones. Nothing that a few cups of coffee (as in caffeine all day) couldn’t fix.

Seeder laughed dryly. “Killian is passed out on my couch currently. I was afraid that he’d go and try to break down your door.” 

“I’ll be there in twenty-five.” Lilith bustled into action, letting Ursula and Nathan sleep a bit more while she put on coffee and prepared toast. Ursula was up first, dragging herself and Nathan to get dressed and packed. She was a go-getter just like her sister and always showed a willingness to do things she didn’t mind. 

Lilith worried in silence as the twins ate, exhaustion showing in every sluggish movement. Seeder would take them for now, but she and Rue would be leaving immediately after the birthday party. Lilith needed to find another childcare option, and soon. The toast and coffee revived her some, however, and she changed into a nice-looking athletic outfit while packing a dress for her interview with Emily that afternoon. 

The twins only reluctantly parted with their sister, glumly murmuring goodbyes. The arrival of a giggling Rue brightened Ursula, who absolutely adored the baby. Lilith needing to get someone to watch her siblings after Seeder left was reliant on Katrina still being alive in two days’ time. 

It seemed likely when Lilith checked in on the Games. Katrina and Paisley had swapped watch throughout the night and kept a warm fire going, so they were just fine. So it was with Kayleigh, Gloss, and Jacques. 

“There you are,” Mags called when Lilith entered the mentoring room. She had a relatively long run and an endurance ride, so she headed right for the food table and grabbed oatmeal with fruit. Food wasn’t always evil, she supposed. 

“Yes, sorry.” Lilith sat down, focusing on the screen. The cameras were centered on the suffering District 6 pair. The boy was doing all right with frostbite on the tips of his fingers compared to the girl, whose hands were black at this point and legs blue. She was shivering uncontrollably even in the increasing heat of the day. Only twelve, she’d clearly starved before these Games. This happened almost every year with District 6, leaving the bitter Gina as their only Victor. A worse record than District 12. These two were in full sight of the Cornucopia, only about fifty feet away from Katrina and Paisley. 

“Evan, we need s-s-supplies,” the girl shivered. 

“How am I supposed to get anything, Carolina?” Evan shot back. “There are four Careers by the Cornucopia and I doubt that any other alliance is going to give anything to us.”

“District 1 just went out. There’s o-only one Career there,” Carolina pointed out. Lilith liked how reasonable the kid was. “You can sneak around the side and get blankets and food and water. Come on, it’ll help both of us.”

Evan grumbled but agreed, nervousness clouding his gaze for a moment before he headed out, taking the long way around the Cornucopia, going for Jacques’ side of the supplies. Lilith was interested in what would happen but chose to enter the gym after giving her breakfast time to digest. She began her eight-mile easy run on the treadmill, setting it to move up and down to mimic hills every five minutes, and watched as Paisley noticed Evan from afar.

“There’s a tribute!” She shouted. Katrina looked up from where she was eating lightly burned bread, grinning.

“Let’s go after him, then!” The tributes raced each other, easily catching the smaller, much weaker Evan when he tried to turn and flee. Lilith’s stride became choppy as Paisley pounced on Evan, pinning him to the ground and holding a knife to his throat. 

“And just what do you think you’re doing?” She challenged. Evan squealed and attempted to pull away.

“I’m just hungry! I wouldn’t have come near here if Carolina hadn’t insisted!” Evan babbled, then pale at the unwilling betrayal of his District partner. Paisley’s Ron was maniacal at this point.

“Carolina, eh? That’s your District partner? Well, she’s dead now. Katrina, you can have her.” Katrina smirked and nodded, searching around for Carolina. The girl, unfortunately, was visible as she was lying with her back around the sharp end of the rock face she’d frozen beneath the night before. 

Katrina lightly jogged over to Carolina, who saw her coming but couldn’t move well enough to even make an escape attempt. “Please. I just want some water.”

“But you can’t move. You’re already dead, why would I waste water and time on you?” Katrina snapped Carolina’s neck with a capacity that Lilith wouldn’t expect out of her. She left the body to be collected and stalked back over to where Paisley was still toying with Evan, who was now begging for her to just help Carolina.

“Your precious District partner is dead. Pay attention to cannons,” Katrina sneered. 

“You monster!” Evan screamed. Katrina glanced over at where Jacques was staring from the Cornucopia nervously. 

“Just get it over with, Paisley, or Jacques will steal our stuff.”

“Alright, whatever.” Paisley stabbed down, catching Evan in the chest then the stomach then the chest again. He choked on the blood coming up his throat (probably from a torn lung) before falling still. The second cannon of the day sounded. 

District 5’s girl, meanwhile, had managed to steal a small bag while Jacques was distracted. Her sponsorships were probably ticking up already. 

The cameras suddenly all switched to Gloss and Kayleigh, quite far from the Cornicopia by then. They were bantering about home, not even trying to hide themselves. 

“I spot a little lamb,” Kayleigh sang. She’d seen the District 3 girl chasing a bird and threw a knife in her direction, nailing her in the side.

“Aaaah!” The girl wailed, hitting the ground hard. Her District partner darted out of his hiding spot only to immediately turn around. Gloss, though, wasn’t having it and raced to tackle the boy, whose body made several ugly cracking sounds as it hit the ground. Lilith winced.

“Trying to leave your friend behind, hmm? I don’t think so.” Gloss threw the boy against a nearby rock wall once, then twice, then three times. Lilith ripped the headphones out of her ears to avoid hearing the resulting sounds, almost tripping on the edge of the treadmill as she did.

Kayleigh strangled the girl to death, dumping the corpse besides the bloody remains of Gloss’s victim. Lilith tuned out then, thinking over Katrina’s actions as she finished her run and rode. The action would stop now that the heat was ramping up, leaving time for interviews. There was nothing natural about this Arena. 

Lilith couldn’t blame Katrina for her attitude. She did indeed need to pull off something spectacular to win, and she must have a family or friends to fight for. Everyone had a hidden motive here. She didn’t know it, but she was battling against the government itself.

While she would lose the fight in the end, Lilith felt, she was really proving the mettle of District 11 female tributes. She would be remembered unlike the many others dead early and brushed aside. Lilith vowed to keep her memory alive in interview records and within the family, if nothing else.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Death Toll: 11  
> Evan (D6M)- killed by Paisley (D4F) on Day 2  
> Carolina (D6F)- killed by Katrina (D11F) on Day 2  
> Electra (D3F)- killed by Kayleigh (D1F) on Day 2  
> Tate (D3M)- killed by Gloss (D1M) on Day 2
> 
> Kill Count:  
> Gloss (D1M): 2  
> Paisley (D4F): 2  
> Katrina (D11F): 2  
> Kayleigh (D1F): 1  
> Jacques (D2M): 1  
> Brandon (D11M): 1


	63. Chapter 60

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lilith finds a babysitter for the twins.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: violence and light cursing

__ _ “Why is this so damn hard?” Lilith murmured to herself. She was hunched at her station, staring down at her tablet, searching for available babysitters that held up under closer scrutiny.  _

“What’s wrong?” Mags asked from where she sat beside Lilith, eyes focused on the screen, where Katrina and Paisley were sitting under a tent and comparing their lives. They were getting along well, much better than Lilith had with her doomed alliance. Though their actions had shown both that the other was bloodthirsty and determined, so they couldn’t totally relax. The heat affected Katrina more than Paisley but both were drinking more water than probably wise. 

Gloss and Jacques (District 2 could get plenty hot; Lilith had just suffered through one) were in perfect health while Kayleigh had a scratch on her hand from hunting District 3’s pairs. She kept her complaints to herself and seemed totally comfortable under the alliance’s rock, whittling soft stones into cute animals with her small dagger. The other tributes were all hiding in the shadows, doing their best to not get heat exhaustion. District 8’s female, Liana, had discovered the water stored in cacti and her alliance was practically thriving. 

So Lilith was currently concentrating on finding a babysitter for the twins. “Nothing,” she replied to Mags in a quiet voice of forced caml. “My task is just frustrating. Do you know any reliable babysitters that would take two District children?”

“Ah, your siblings,” Mags nodded. “Unfortunately, all the reliable people I know here are rather... well, their ideas about non-Career District citizens are not positive. It would be like asking your clients to watch your siblings.”

Lilith inclined her head, equal parts irritated and amused. “Killian suggested asking Hallina Snow today.”

“She might be willing to, but I doubt her father-in-law would approve.” Mags’ lips twitched upward as she spoke. Lilith had enjoyed getting to know the older Victor over the past few days, finding her a practical and wise woman full of anecdotes from the past. The thick books analyzing every movement of past Hunger Games that Lilith owned gave less information. 

“Well, I tried,” Lilith shrugged. “Is it alright if I head out to an interview now? Nothing seems to be happening in the Games.”

“I’ll call you if anything changes,” Mags said. “Go ahead.”

Lilith slipped out of the mentoring room with a nod to Mags. She kept trying to find someone, but two and a half hours into the process, her lack of progress accentuated by not much sleep making her irritable. She was pleasant when Howard spoke to her, however, and managed to get to the interview with Caesar on time. She hurriedly put on a blue dress and make-up, then rushing right back to the waiting taxi, toting a bag with her.

The auditorium was almost full when Lilith arrived, meeting Caesar in the wings. She hadn’t been there since the year before and looked around curiously. Nothing much was different, just slightly newer-looking. 

“Miss Hardy, how lovely to see you again!” Caesar’s look was significantly toned down from the interviews and he seemed almost handsome in a black suit. “Thank you for agreeing to this.”

“I couldn’t say no to you, Caesar,” Lilith said, fluttering her eyelids slightly. Caesar’s blush showed through his make-up. “If I may ask, who is commenting on the Hunger Games?”

“Young Seneca Crane. He’s quite multitalented, you know.” Caesar grinned. “Shall we start? There have been interesting developments over the past day that I want to discuss with you.”

“Of course!” Lilith pasted a wide smile onto her face as she exited the wings, waving to the cheering crowd. Caesar helped her into a chair and she sat gracefully.

“So! You look wonderful today, Miss Hardy, before we begin. You must be thrilled with how these Games are going for you, especially after you lost a tribute so early last year.”

“Definitely. Maple didn’t stand much of a chance, but Katrina is really doing well. I’m happy with her choice of alliance and actions so far.” Lilith knew it would be totally idiotic to show her irritation at the assumption, a feeling that only grew when Caesar failed to mention Brandon until the interview was halfway over and didn’t make a real effort to pry into Katrina’s motives.

“Oh! I can’t believe that I forgot! I am so, so sorry about your brother,” the host exclaimed, the crowd echoed his faux show of sympathy with a loud  _ awww _ . “How have you been handling it?

Lilith slumped slightly at the reminder, but kept her head up and eyes clear. “Thank you, thank you all. It means a lot. I was really upset at first, but now I’m just happy that he died quickly. It wasn’t pretty but it seemed painless.”

“Of course, of course. I hear that your younger siblings are here in the Capital,” Caesar continued. “How did they react?”

Lilith tensed, and her voice wavered a bit. How the fuck had Caesar known that the twins were here? “They didn’t see the actual event, as I don’t feel they’re old enough. Besides, neither of them understand why the Hunger Games are held. I think that they need to be more mature before I explain. Right and wrong is still pretty black and white to them.”

“I understand. Small children don’t have the knowledge to understand why all of this is put on. This brings up another question: what do your younger siblings think of your performance on the Games?”

“They know some,” Lilith replied, shifting in her seat almost imperceptibly, intensely uncomfortable because of the topic. These people had no right to know anything about the two still-innocent members of her family. “That I killed many tributes. That I have more responsibilities and opportunities now. They have been quite accepting of it, I must say.”

“Well, I’d love to meet them,” Caesar smiled. “They sound like smart children. Just like I bet you were.”

Lilith left for the pool even more stressed than before and was ten minutes late to her lesson with Diana. “Sorry,” she gasped out after sprinting to where the other Victor sat, clearly impatient, on her phone. “My interview went overtime.”

“That’s okay,” Diana said. “Let’s just begin now, shall we?”

Now, Lilith was a naturally quick runner and a fairly good biker, and was making great progress in her swimming, but fixing her form was not the ideal activity for her when she was already extremely stressed. 

“You shouldn’t have that much splash!” Diana called from the side of the pool. “Slide your hand into the water, and your breathing pattern is off.”

“Well, sorry!” Lilith snapped as she touched the side of the pool, glaring. “I haven’t been swimming very long. Give me a break.”

“You asked to be treated like a normal student with the usual amount of experience. I do not let up. Try it again!” Diana barked. 

Freestyle went fine, and butterfly, but then Diana asked to see her backstroke. Lilith never could get used to having her back so unguarded and would turn her head into the water, causing her to stop mid-stroke and choke on chlorine. “Come on!” Diana groaned after the fifth time this happened. “You’re not even trying today. This is usually better.”

“I am trying,” Lilith grumbled. 

“Don’t talk back to me!” Diana said, affronted at the sudden attitude.

“You sound like everyone else. When  _ can  _ I talk back to anyone!” Lilith asked, throwing her hands up in irritation. Both Victors realized how the words sounded and fell into a tense silence, broken by Lilith, who spoke with a defeated shrug. She glanced around, glad that the small pool was empty at the moment and the nearest microphone was relatively far away. 

“You’re right. I wasn’t trying. It’s just that I can’t find any possible babysitters for Ursula and Nathan. Seeder is leaving tomorrow and I really don’t know what to do.”

Diana brightened. “Oh? Well, I could take them. They are your siblings, correct?”

“Yeah. Would you really help?” Lilith asked hopefully.

“Of course! Actually- I need to ask my wife. We’re in the process of adopting a child from the Districts and need all the experience we can get,” Diana replied easily.

“Congratulations,” Lilith said, smiling slightly. Then she considered the prospect a little more. Could she trust Diana’s wife? 

“Thank you. I’ll call her while you finish four more laps of backstroke. Go on!” Lilith rolled her eyes but completed the laps slightly more successfully than the first few, adding in two more just to get the experience. Diana was smiling when she finished. 

“Ivanna sais that she wants to meet you and the twins, but she’s open to the idea.”

Forty-five minutes later, an out-of-breath Lilith took Ursula and Nathan from Seeder and led them to where Diana waited in her car.

“This is so cool!” Ursula squealed, running up to the sleek silver vehicle. Diana popped her head out of the window, grinning down at the girl.

“Isn’t it? Fully electric, too. You can get in!”

Lilith grilled Diana for information during the ride. What she found out pleased her, for the house was relatively small; placed in a lower-class neighborhood with many young children; and most of the families there came from the Districts. It seemed safe on first glance, with colorful but petite houses, naturally green lawns, and a group of kids playing in every other yard. 

A plain, short, plump woman with hair the color of mice and small brown eyes opened the door to a pale orange house that Diana said was her rental. She eyed Lilith and then nodded curtly, holding out her hand. “It’s nice to meet you, Miss Hardy. You made quite the splash two years ago.”

“That’s what I was going for,” Lilith replied, taking the offered appendage and shaking it firmly. “These two are Ursula and Nathan.”

“Hello!” Nathan piped up. Ursula stared up at Ivanna with wide eyes, silent. 

“Hi!” Ivanna’s face totally changed when she smiled down at Nathan. The gesture seemed to soften Ursula, who relaxed and skipped inside uninvited.

“Ooh! The walls are pink!”

“Ursula, get back here!” Lilith called. “I’m sorry, her manners leave much to be improved on.”

“That can be fixed,” Ivanna said gracefully. She and Diana made an interesting couple as the latter had a willowy frame, dyed green hair, and yellow eyes. Stunning next to plain. 

Lilith felt so comfortable by Ivanna’s easygoing and generous nature a mere twenty minutes in that she had Seeder drop off the twins’ mostly Capitol-bought supplies. Ursula immediately fell in love with the couple’s small puppy, odd since she’d been bitten as a toddler, while Nathan went right for the books. 

Lilith’s phone buzzed, and she broke off her conversation to pick it up. “Yeah?”

“Kayleigh’s gone insane!” Killian said on the other end. “You gotta come back to the mentoring room.”

“Is it the Games?” Ivanna asked. Lilith nodded, picking up her bag. 

“Yes. Do me a favor and don’t let them watch, all right? They’re not old enough yet. I need to give them some more history and society lessons first.”

“You got it. Diana, drive her,” Ivanna commanded. 

Lilith turned the Games on as Diana climbed into the driver’s seat of her car, jaw dropping. Kayleigh was standing in the middle of her alliance’s shelter, grinning widely, holding a squirming mammal in her hands. Jacques stood off to the side, eyeing her warily, and Gloss blocked his District partner’s path to any weapons not on her already.

“Kayleigh, please tell us what’s wrong,” Gloss said slowly, as if to a child.

The crazed expression on Kayleigh’s face didn’t change as she began to twist the mammal’s neck, causing it to thrash and squeak more. “Nothing, Gloss. Nothing except that  _ you’re not paying attention to me _ !” She changed moods swiftly, killing the animal and throwing it aside, rushing towards Gloss with an agonized look on her face. Gloss tried to dodge but she latched onto him. 

“I’ve spent plenty of time with you!” Gloss, alarmed, tried to wriggle free of Kayleigh’s grasp. The girl didn’t let up, though.

“I love you. I’ve always loved you! And you’ve never known it. Always mooning after others, and spending time with that dratted sister of yours!” Kayleigh wailed, tightening her grip and bringing both District 1 tributes down. 

Gloss only just avoided landing on the blade of a sword. “Are you implying that I’m in a relationship with Cashmere?”

“No! Yes! Probably!” Kayleigh cried. “But now she can’t have you! If I can’t, no one can!” She pulled a knife out of her sleeve and held it to Gloss’s throat, making both Victors jump in shock. Was the heavy favorite about to be murdered by the District partner meant as a sacrifice?

“My brother always paid attention to me,” Kayleigh continued sadly, beginning to cry now. Her hand on the knife trembled but stayed strong, and both Gloss and Jacques were frozen in shock. “And- and when he died... I was crushed. So I’m jealous of what you have with Cashmere! I’m going to give her my fate! My life!”

Just as Kayleigh was about to press down on Gloss’s throat, ending his campaign for victory, a scorpion scuttled out of the shadows and sunk its tail into her leg. Gloss pushed her away, wide-eyed and shaking, as Kayleigh began to scream in absolute agony. 


	64. Chapter 61

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Games continue with drama on-and-off-screen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: violence, death, cursing, flashbacks, non-graphic rape/non-con

_ “That’s totally obvious,” Diana frowned. “This Games is going to cause a riot in the Districts, I swear.” Lilith quickly glanced around the car, realizing that it was totally debugged.  _

__ “They need a winner from 1. Quick thinking on either Hallina or Eurydice’s part,” Lilith agreed. She watched Kayleigh writhe on the ground, ignored by both of her allies, who were chasing the scorpion. 

“Come on! Seriously?” Jacques snapped when the mutt skittered around Gloss and headed straight for him.

“Well? There’s a club right by you!” Gloss exclaimed. Jacques went for a nearer rock and smashed it down on the scorpion’s tail. The creature ran around for another few moments before Jacques finished it off with the club. Gloss turned to Kayleigh, who was now frothing at the mouth. She glared up at her District partner.

“This is... your fault. Have fun with your victory.” She suddenly arched back, beginning to shake, blood coming out of her mouth. Gloss hesitated only a moment before slitting her throat, giving no sign that her words had affected him. The cannon boomed, leaving the two boys in a shocked silence. 

“We should get out of here,” Jacques said in a strained voice after a full minute. Gloss nodded and the last of the Career alliance packed up swiftly, taking four of their favored weapons and plenty of food.

Diana pulled up to the Arena. “Good luck. Is your girl safe?”

“She and Paisley should be fine,” Lilith replied. “Thank you, Diana, for everything. I mean it.”

“Of course! Anything for a friend. Now go,” Diana urged. Lilith slipped out of the car, taking her bag with her, and lightly jogged up several flights of stairs to the mentoring room. Ariana’s frustrated cries meeting her ears thirty feet away from the door. 

“Why is this happening to me again? First Hyacinth and now Kayleigh. This isn’t fair!”

Lilith probably chose a bad time to enter the room, because Ariana threw herself at the younger Victor with a blaze of fury in her eyes. “Damn you! It’s all your fault!”

She was right, of course, but Lilith wasn’t going to jeapordize herself by admitting it. “How? I know that Katrina didn’t force Kayleigh to scratch herself.” She ducked away from Ariana’s wild blow, stepping to the side to create some distance between them. The other Victors watched, with a mix of emotions. Maulus, interestingly, seemed amused.

“You’re not stupid. Don’t act like it,” Ariana raged. “You just  _ needed _ to do well, didn’t you, so now my tribute is dead early.”

“I don’t understand what you’re saying!” Haymitch called, faking a drunk stupor. He knew exactly what Ariana meant and the incredibly dangerous line she was toeing. 

“Just calm down,” Mags said, getting up from her station. Lilith’s vision went red when Ariana lunged for the 11th Victor, knocking her to the ground. She grabbed Ariana’s high ponytail and dragged her away from Mags, snarling, then tried to pin the District 1 woman’s arms to her sides. But Ariana was a highly trained Career and blocked the movement before it could even begin with a sharp twist and punch.

Lilith hissed at the sting of Ariana’s knuckles on her face. “Bitch!” She jerked Ariana towards her, giving her a hard blow to the side, following it up with a sharp hair tug. The Career retaliated strongly, sweeping Lilith’s legs out from under her and knocking her prone with a fist in her stomach. Blinding pain sent the 61st Victor into a moment of critical distraction. 

Ariana gritted her teeth savagely and hit Lilith in the stomach again before locking her hands onto the young woman’s neck. Lilith writhed, desperately lashing out, but Ariana pinned her legs down forcefully.

_ “Hello, Miss Hardy. I’ve been looking forward to meeting you,” her attacker leered. Lilith’s head rang with agony and she was helpless to defend herself as the man slid his hand down her sides and pulled off her tights, shoving her underwear aside as well. He grinned as he entered her, knowing that there was a burning pain now within Lilith every time he arched upwards in pleasure. _

“Get off of her!” Lilith snapped out of her flashback in time to see Mila in the doorway, fury written in every line of her face. That was when Chandler and Bree moved, taking Ariana’s arms and pulling her away from Lilith’s prone, shuddering form.

Lilith gasped for air, desperately reaching for her sore stomach. Mila’s gentle touch calmed her enough to turn over and grasp her girlfriend’s hand. 

“Hey. Are you okay? Did she reopen your wounds?” Mila worried. Lilith shook her head no in answer to both questions, still taking in large gulps of air. Her heart felt like it was going to beat out of her chest. 

“Can I help?” Mags. Lilith allowed the old woman to support her as she stumbled towards a chair in the corner of the room, not ready to speak yet. 

“Pull up your shirt. Mags, get a glass of water, please,” Mila commanded. She unwrapped the bandages around Lilith’s stomach, wincing at the way her girlfriend’s ribs stuck out. “You need a few more pounds on you... but the wounds are still closed. Good. How’s the throat?”

“It’s been better,” Lilith admitted. She was beginning to calm down now, becoming aware that the room’s eyes were upon her. “Water would be great.”

“Those wounds seem like they were quite severe,” Mags commented as Mila rewrapped the protective pad securely. 

“They were,” Lilith replied shortly, then took a small sip of water. Her throat would have bruising on it for days now, she knew, but the water was a relief. 

“You deserve to suffer!” Ariana called from where Chandler and Bree were holding her down in a chair. “Charles will protect me from any consequences, so don’t you dare report me!” 

“Oh, really?” Shouting hurt Lilith’s throat, but she wouldn’t give Ariana the satisfaction of rasping. “Do you want me to call Hallina right now? I’m sure the Gamemaker daughter-in-law of the President will have more push than Charles. Just a hunch.”

Ariana tensed. “Really? You’re pulling that out of the bag? Right as your tribute is thriving and mine is  _ dead _ ?” She spat. Lilith stared back with cold eyes. So the Career’s true personality was showing through. She and Ariana would continue to work together, to share information, but they would never have a true friendship again. 

“Your tribute died from a mutt. You attacking me is completely out of line. Now, I don’t want more attention, more drama. So if we all stay quiet about this, I won’t press charges.” 

Ariana nodded curtly. “Fine. You win. Goodbye.” She stood and left, leaving the room tense and expectant. It was a perfect time for the Hunger Games to get interesting again. 

“I told the girls to find other tributes after you left. I see that they’ve followed my directions,” Mags said. 

Katrina and Paisley were sweating their way across the desert, mostly sticking to the shadows. It made Lilith nervous to see them so close to where the scorpion had killed Kayleigh, but they could escape easily if need be. They spotted District 10’s boy, wandering around rather aimlessly with fevered eyes, from fifty feet away and shared a smirk. 

“When did your two separate?” Mila questioned Greer and Bree, who sat together at their stations.

“Last night. My kid is losing it and hers decided to split before he killed her,” Greer snorted. 

“Not that she’s doing well herself,” Bree murmured bitterly. 

“Let’s race!” Katrina grinned. She and Paisley sprinted towards the boy together, sinking their knives into him. The cannon sounded.

“He definitely had his District partner with him when fleeing the Cornucopia,” Paisley said. Katrina nodded in agreement. “Is there any point in finding her?”

“I want to,” Katrina replied. “Why not?”

“Sorry, Greer,” Lilith apologized to the 27th Victor. He shrugged. 

“Kid didn’t stand a chance. Best of luck.”

“I want to leave!” Bree groaned. “My tribute is half a mile away, trying to drink from a cactus. It’s a miracle she hasn’t been stung by now. Bye!” She flounced out after Greer. Lilith shook her head in amazement; she’d just left a child to die. She stood shakily.

“Hey, what do you think you’re doing?” Mila challenged. 

“Being a mentor. I’ll sit right down again,” Lilith answered. She made her way successfully to her station, typing in a message for Katrina and adding a water bottle for good measure, checking on where the intended target was.

_ A bit more walking to the Southeast. The cactus will show you the way. _

__

  * _Lilith_



The tributes found District 10’s girl much quicker than expected. The poor kid was suffering from extreme frostbite and the heat at the same time. Paisley brought her to the ground with a practiced sweep of her right leg, sending the girl falling against spines of a nearby cacti. The Career pulled her victim from the plant and took out her knife, running the tip along her finger.

“Stop messing around and just kill her. I think something’s happening,” Katrina urged. Paisley rolled her eyes but ended the girl’s life quickly, stabbing her in the neck. 

Katrina was right; something was happening. The shadows began to writhe, catching the attention of four unlucky tributes lying under overhangs. 

District 5’s girl screamed in terror as a mass of scorpions rushed out of the darkness. Countless stingers latched into her body and her suffering wasn’t prolonged. Two more cannons boomed moments after hers, and the cameras switched to where Liana, District 8’s girl, stared at the blanket of mutts over her two allies’ bodies. She clutched a back and knife to her chest, shaking. She would do fine on her own but it must be a shock to see her friends die so suddenly. 

The rest of the tributes were in decent shape. The scorpions stopped only five feet from the edges of the rock overhangs they appeared from. Gloss and Jacques had both started to run when they noticed the mutts, dodging around cacti. They’d had quite the scarring day. 

“It’s the top seven,” Lilith said in wonder.

“Really? Who else is alive?” Mila asked. 

“Our pair. The cameras just haven’t focused on them at all,” Brianna Mole called.

“They seem... well-prepared. How did they get water?” Mags wondered.

“They have brains and know how to survive. Gertrude figured out that the cacti hold water and Yorick can make effective weapons with rocks,” Jason Shard added. The cameras switched to the District 9 pair, who had been hunting when the mutts appeared from the shadows, if the mammals roasting over a fire was any indication. They did seem like solid tributes.

No tribute could see each other, so they settled down, unwilling to trigger more bloodshed that day. “Lilith, I need to check you out in private,” Mila said steely when it became clear that the day’s action was over. “Come on. And get some food on the way out, too.”

Lilith was much more fatigued than she thought, because her body gave out the moment she stepped into Howard’s taxi. Mila pounced on her, letting her true worry shine through. “Your throat looks absolutely terrible. How can you even talk?” 

“It hurts,” Lilith admitted. “Can you fix it quickly? I’m going to Hallina’s tonight and promised Ariana not to reveal what she did.”

“I disagree with that decision. Just... don’t speak for a bit. Let’s just relax, alright?”

Relaxing is exactly what Lilith and Mila did for the next hour. Then, though, it was time to prepare for a meeting with Hallina. The Avoxes pulled a miracle off by covering the dark purple marks on Lilith’s face and neck. She would just have to deal with her sore vocal chords. 

Hallina met Lilith at the front of her grand, beautiful house for mistresses, leading the Victor right to the kitchen. “What did you think of the scorpions today? Maybe a little much? Too obvious? You can be honest, it’s clear now that Gloss is being set up, and nothing you say here will be recorded.”

“The mass of scorpions was clever, and I was impressed with the speed of the mutt that killed Kayleigh. This is going to have a big effect in the Disricts, though. I feel like Gloss could have won on his own and he’s not being allowed to show his skills.” Lilith bit into her ham sandwich thoughtfully. “I would like to see more from him, even if it means Katrina dies. Which she will anyway.”

Hallina nodded. “Agreed. District 1 will get is Victor, though, whatever anyone else thinks.”

Talk turned into painful sex, of course, but Lilith was beginning to understand just how much power she held being in Hallina Snow’s circle. It was worth it despite the stress and exhaustion that added to the heavy burden on the Victor’s shoulders. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Death Toll: 17  
> Kayleigh (D1F)- killed by mutts and Gloss (D1M) on Day 3  
> David (D10M)- killed by Paisley (D4F) and Katrina (D11F) on Day 3  
> Patricia (D10F)- killed by Paisley (D4F) on Day 3  
> Paul (D12M)- killed by mutts on Day 3  
> Alder (D8M)- killed by mutts on Day 3  
> Via (D5F)- killed by mutts on Day 3
> 
> Kill Count:  
> Paisley (D4F): 4  
> Gloss (D1M): 3  
> Katrina (D11F): 3  
> Kayleigh (D1F): 1  
> Jacques (D2M): 1  
> Brandon (D11M): 1


	65. Chapter 62

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lilith has some conversations and celebrates her and the twins’ birthdays.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: eating disorder

_ Lilith arrived at Diana and Ivanna’s house early the next morning. She chose to run there, wanting to take in the neigborhood fully. At first glance, nothing seemed amiss, and the people walking along sidewalks and yards all seemed friendly. _

__ “Hey!” Lilith was almost done with her five miles when a group of teenagers called out to her. She skidded to a halt, eyeing them warily.

“Yes?” She replied, pausing her watch. 

“You’re a Victor,” a tall girl with long blonde braids said, pointing rudely. 

“Yeah...” Lilith said unsurely. “And you are?”

“Why do you care?” Another girl, smaller than the first, sneered. 

“I want to have a legitimate conversation. What are your names?” Lilith straightened, taking a sip from her water bottle. She would not be bossed around by these kids. 

“You want plenty of things. After your victory last year-” the first girl began.

“She won two years ago, idiot!” A boy countered. 

“No, I swear it was last year! The one that tore out all of those kids’ throats? Dark? Come on, it has to be her,” the girl snapped. 

Lilith spoke before the only dark-skinned teenager in the group could. “No, that was Enobaria. She is much lighter than me and a totally different body type. Not all black people look the same, you know. My name is Lilith and I set the kill record for the Hunger Games. Now, I will be finishing my run.” She moved away from the group, irritation keeping her running. 

“What happened to you?” Were the first words out of Ivanna’s mouth when the woman opened the door. 

Oh. The bruising on Lilith’s throat and cheek. “I would rather not talk about it with the twins around. Where are they?”

“Still sleeping. Actually, I have several things to talk to you about. Come in, Diana is making eggs, you should eat after your run.” Ivanna gestured for Lilith to come in, her smile fading the moment she closed the door. 

Lilith disagreed that she should be eating but wasn’t about to reject hospitality. To Diana’s credit, there appeared to be no overly unhealthy ingredients in the omelette she served the younger Victor, only spinach and a bit of cheese. 

“How was the night? Ursula hasn’t been sleeping well after Brandon died. Imagining it, perhaps. And Nathan is a bit of a mess, understandably. They’re handling it very well all things considered, though,” Lilith said in between bites.

Diana grinned. “Your siblings are absolutely lovely. Nathan did have a nightmare, and Ursula had trouble falling asleep, but not because of anything mental. One of her teeth is hurting.”

“Huh. I’ve noticed that she’s been rubbing her mouth lately,” Lilith replied thoughtfully. “That reminds me that I need to take the twins to the doctor’s and dentist. We all got shots at the proper ages, but that’s about it for pre-victory medical attention. Have you noticed the scarring on Ursula’s arm and side? She was bitten badly by a dog a few years ago. Our mother took her to the doctor of the town but the wounds still didn’t heal right. She’s strong, though, and pulled through.”

“I thought that those looked improperly taken care of. No wonder. So how did you get vaccinations if there were no real doctors around?” Ivanna asked. 

“Peacekeepers are tasked with vaccinating workers every year, especially good ones, and my family is among that number. I... used my blossoming skills to convince the vaccinator to treat the twins after puberty.”

Diana’s eyes quickly flicked down Lilith’s body. “I see. Well, they could use check-ups now. Are you going to tell us what happened to your throat?”

“Ariana Kilgrave is a sore loser. I’ll be fine. Hi!” Lilith turned to see Ursula standing in the doorway, listening in. “How did you sleep? How was the night?”

“Great! I got cake and a new toy!” Ursula sang. She went right up to the counter and ordered an omelette in her usual demanding manner. Nathan appeared as well, much less of an early bird than his sisters, rubbing his eyes and moving slowly. Orange juice woke him up in no time.

“Cake? Really?” Lilith said. “What special occasion was it?”

“Pre-birthday. Oh, by the way, congratulations! It’s your actual birthday today, right?” Diana asked.

“Yeah, I turn nineteen today. I apologize for not telling you this before, but the twins aren’t allowed to have added sugar for dessert on non-holidays or birthdays. They can have fruit or honey or things like that, but not candy or cake.” Lilith became confused when Ivanna’s look turned guarded. “What? This is about health. Besides, if food like that is in the house, I might be tempted to eat it.” 

“My wife has struggled with ideals around weight for a while,” Diana said. “Eating isn’t restricted in this house because of it. Our future kids will not have any restrictions on what they can eat.” 

Lilith raised an eyebrow. “Those is your rules, then, but I would like it if you followed mine. It’s best for all of the Hardys.”

“Fair enough.” Ivanna shrugged. “We will try.”

“Can we come with you today? I want to see the mentoring room,” Nathan begged as Lilith headed out the door. 

“You don’t want to see the mentoring room. It’s also restricted to non-Victors,” Lilith told her brother. “But I won’t be gone long, just a few hours. Be polite and enjoy yourself.”

Nothing was happening with the Games when Lilith arrived. Mags wasn’t even there, probably sensing what the Gamemakers wanted: a pause in the action. Lilith rode on the bike while she watched, noting that Yorick and Gertrude were the only two to dare attempting to take shelter under the rocks, mostly because they were the only two without any type of tent. Liana slept in the blankets and extra clothes she had managed to steal from the Cornucopia early on and cleverly placed on top of several de-spiked cacti for sun protection. The other four had tents and were hanging out under them, though Gloss and Jacques were barely speaking beyond asking for food and water. 

Lilith turned off the Games and left the mentoring room after her ride, noticing that only Haymitch still remained. Her fatigue threatened to take over when she entered her apartment, but a cup of coffee held it back. She needed to prepare for the birthday party now. 

Mila arrived right on time at 13:30 with a cheerful smile. The girlfriends enjoyed placing streamers around the living room and picking up food, including a caramel-chocolate cake, combining the twins’ favorite flavors.

“It’s your birthday too. Coffee is your favorite flavor, why didn’t you order that?” Mila questioned. Lilith gave her an irritated look, wondering why the other Victor cared about that. 

“I probably won’t be having cake anyway. Besides, the twins are more important today.”

“Why can’t anything be about you?” Mila challenged after having to remind Lilith that her name should be up on the wall with Ursula’s and Nathan’s. 

“Everything else is about me. I’m the Victor, the center of attention. Ursula and Nathan deserve their moment in the spotlight.” Lilith shrugged off her girlfriend’s worry.

The Victors didn’t have much time to talk once the twins were scheduled to arrive in an hour. Killian came wearing sunglasses and a deep frown, calling Jacob only to take the tablet away into a private room.

“Is he normally drunk like this?” Lilith asked after him. Mila shook her head disgustedly.

“If his tribute dies early, yeah. So he was fine during your Games because Kite made it to the top two, but he goes crazy with drink otherwise, Hayley says. Even Jacob can’t control it.”

“Wonderful. Just in time for Jay to call.” Lilith took her mother’s call. “Hello, Jay.”

“Lilith. Are Ursula and Nathan there? I can’t be on for long.” Jay was brusque as usual.

“Not yet. Are you really not going to stay for the party?” Lilith asked. Mila, just out of the shot, looked absolutely furious.

“I can’t, I told you, and the kids are your responsibility anyway. Oh, your brother’s remains- what little they could get from the mess he made- arrived yesterday. What should I do with them?”

“Just put them in my room for now, I can deal with it. Well, if you don’t want to take responsibility for the twins, you might like my offer. Would you be fine with me taking the twins to live with me in another house? I am legally an adult now and allowed to do this.”

“Sounds great. The sooner the better, I say,” Jay replied flippantly. “It gives me more time to expand my soup kitchen.” 

“She’s the worst mother I’ve ever seen,” Mila said the moment Jay hung up. “Does she not care at all? About any of you?”

“Apparently not,” Lilith grumbled. “Anyway, I think Seeder and the twins are here.”

Ursula squealed when she saw the decorations and food, and Nathan’s jaw dropped. That was the beginning of an almost perfect afternoon, filled with joy and surprises. The food disappeared in an hour, including the cake, which Lilith did end up having a bit of. Killian put on a good show of not being totally miserable and even smiled once or twice. The gifts really brightened the day: Ursula loved her set of advanced storybooks and a pretty necklace she had wanted to buy in District 2, while Nathan adored his new sketchbook, pens, and picture book. The way that Lilith dramatically made them close their eyes and wait only exacerbated their happiness.

“Lilith,” Mila said warningly when the older Victor moved to clean up after the twins went off to play with their gifts. 

“It’s all dirty, and do you honestly think that Killian can do much in his state?” Lilith countered.

“Come on. Let others do something for you,” Mila said in a voice that was more of a beg than Lilith had ever heard. “I have a surprise for you.”

“Fine. What is it?” Lilith sat back down, collapsing into Mila, who grinned, relieved. 

“Gifts!” Seeder was back, holding a large box. “Open it, come on,” she urge the moment she set it down on the now-clear coffee table. 

“Alright.” Lilith gently tore the handsome green paper away and grinned when she saw what it was. “Oh, wow, when did these come out?” It was the next twelve volumes of a set of Hunger Games analysis novels, up to and including Enobaria’s year.

“They aren’t, not yet. I know the head of the group that makes these so I got them for you,” Killian said. “The ones on the next few years will come individually to complete the set.”

“These are fantastic, thank you!” Lilith exclaimed. She was honored that her friends had spent so much on her (each volume cost $100, much more than any other large book she’d heard of). She had blown through her budget last year buying the first fifty volumes plus clothes and other supplies. 

“I have one for you too, hold on,” Mila said as Lilith began to stand up. “Well, it’s from the whole family, really.” She pulled a small box out of her purse, wrapped in golden paper. 

Lilith carefully put the wrapping paper aside and opened the box, gasping when she saw the delicate bronze pendant inside. “That’s beautiful, Mila, thank you so much!”

“It’s been passed down through my family,” Mila said. “My mother told me to give it to you. You’re one of us now, you know.”

Lilith fell asleep with Mila and the twins early that night full of warmth and love. She felt like a part of something truly special: love and dedication amongst of so many lies, oppression, and so much suffering. 


	66. Chapter 63

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lilith has a nice morning and watches some of the Games.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: sexual violence

__ _ It was bright outside when Lilith woke from a deep slumber. She came to consciousness slowly, stretching, and smiled when she smelled sausage cooking from the kitchen. Ursula, curled in her sister’s legs, didn’t stir while Nathan grumbled at Lilith’s movement.  _ The Victor glanced over at the clock and gasped when she saw that it was 9:15, about three hours later than she usually got up.

“Hey!” Mila entered the room cheerfully, holding a tray with three plates on it. “Don’t get up, I made breakfast.”

Lilith held back her disapproval at the amount of food that Mila had put on the plates, knowing that her girlfriend found cooking a real chore and would have put effort into making the meal healthy. And it wasn’t bad; the only issue she had was that Ursula and Nathan had bacon. They were really being treated these Games.

“This is great,” Lilith told Mila after swallowing a bite of toast. “Thank you so much, it must have been hard work making this.”

“I definitely burned several eggs,” Mila agreed. “It was really fun, though. Hey, the top-seven family interviews are on, we should watch those.”

Lilith nodded. “Sure. I’m okay with the twins seeing them.”

“I’m going to read,” Nathan announced, grabbing a book from the end of the bed and almost spilling his food. 

“Be careful!” Lilith urged her brother. “Reading is fine. We will be watching some of the Hunger Games, so I’m going to explain what’s been happening as the families come on.”

“Ooooh! Are people gonna fight?” Ursula asked eagerly. Lilith eyed her sister warily: where had she gotten this fascination with violence?

“No, these are interviews with the families of the seven remaining tributes,” Mila explained. “There’s Paisley from District 4, who has been doing well, and her ally Katrina of District 11. Lilith’s tribute. Gloss from District 11 is strong as is Jacques from District 2, and Liana from District 8 along with Yorick and Gertrude of District 9 are representing their homes well.”

Lilith noticed that Mila spoke to Ursula and Nathan like she would anyone else, with an assumption that they understood her. Lilith also treated them like that and it really helped grow their abilities to express themselves and speak well. 

The television opened to overviews of District 1 that showed just how much the Gamemakers had copied from the landscape. Beautiful but now scarred in Lilith’s mind with the blood of her brother. The shot dropped off rather quickly and switched to a picture of six blond-haired people on a couch. Gloss’s family. The center of attention was his, Cashmere, from the start.

“Hello!” An unseen person said. “Welcome to District 1, where the crew here at Capitol TV will be giving watchers a look into our remaining tributes’ lives. Now, we’re beginning with Gloss Poolshine’s family. How are you all feeling about his success so far?”

Cashmere, a curvy, beautiful girl of fifteen with sky-blue eyes and perfect teeth, spoke in a low, smooth voice untouched by her youth. “I’ve been impressed with his performance from the start. The field is surprisingly even and he’s showed his strength well, I feel.”

“My son is doing well,” a tall man identified as Flare Poolshine, Gloss’s father, said brusquely. “He shouldn’t have let that girl walk right over him at first, but she’s gone now, so that’s good.”

A small woman, Nia according to the caption below, only put in a few words, allowing her husband and daughter to speak for her. She along with her three younger children were forcing her shoulders down to make herself take up as little space as possible, a gesture that told of hidden abuse in this seemingly perfect family. Lilith also noted that neither Cashmere or Flare said anything of substance beyond their price in Gloss. The girl would do well if she ended up in the Hunger Games. 

“Cashmere is so pretty,” Mila said dreamily when the interview ended. Lilith made an indignant sound in her throat then hacked out a cough, feeling the burning spread up to her mouth. Ursula squeaked in alarm and Nathan dropped his book while Mila scrambled over to Lilith, who batted her off rather weakly. “Sorry,” she rasped, then winced.

“It’s okay. It’s okay,” Mila assured. “Just take a break for a second, alright? I’ll get some water.”

Mila missed most of an interview where Jacques’ twin brother and parents begged for him to break off with Gloss. A dangerous line that would probably have gotten Jacques killed any other year, where he would die whatever his family wanted. 

Lilith stayed quiet through the rest of the interviews, taking in whatever information she could while cleaning up the mess she and the twins had made on the sheets.  Paisley once again stood out because she only had two members of her family show up to the interview. She was an orphan, it was revealed, and her siblings were thin like workers in the fields of District 11. Her win would mean the world to them, but it wasn’t at all likely. Another source of bitterness that Lilith would hold with her. Liana’s mother put up a good act of confidence and stability, but Lilith could tell from the exhaustion lines on her face that she was struggling. Her two teenaged children had no lines and only grumbled in response to questions. 

Katrina’s family filled the screen with a mass of children. Seven kids remained at home, only two over the age of ten, and made a lot of noise, almost drowning out the relatively stable parents. Lilith tuned out the words after it became clear that nothing new would be said, focusing on the people. The youngest was just a few months old; two twin toddlers who seemed totally detached from the situation; a seven-year-old that had clearly been crying and was ill with a runny nose and alarmingly thin frame; an eleven-year-old brother who sat grumpily, glaring beyond the camera; and the fourteen-year-old sister who rubbed her tense mother’s back. The parents were relatively put-together considering the circumstances and urged their daughter to keep being aggressive and strong. Lilith took in their names starting with the youngest child. Jack, Patrick and Zeus, Peach, Stormy, Sunny, Bethany, Skye, and Grant Halverton. She would be meeting them soon, probably one child down. 

Lilith turned off the television as the scene changed to the Arena. “Hey!” Ursula cried. “I want to see that! Why does that look like District 1?”

Mila choked on her laughter. “Oh, dear, this was a mistake. Not on your part, Ursula. That was District 1.”

“That makes sense,” Ursula said cheerfully. “Thank you for the meal!”

“Of course,” Mila grinned. Her expression slipped into a frown when she noticed that Lilith was up from the bed and stacking trays. “No, Lilith, I can do that. You have to head to the mentoring room now, huh?”

“Yeah,” Lilith began, then switched to sign language when her throat pain spiked.  Yes. I woke up half an hour after I usually arrive so Mags will be expecting me.

“I can clean everything up and stay with the kids for today, then. It’ll be fun! Just head out.” 

Lilith hugged everyone goodbye before leaving. Mags had left her a message saying happy birthday and that she didn’t need to bother rushing, which was good because she hadn’t bothered to look at her phone. The only event of note happening when Lilith arrived was that a combination of extreme cold and extreme heat was beginning to really affect Yorick and Gertrude. His hands were still slightly blue in the thirty-degree Celsius weather and she was shivering. The only reason that Liana, who was now able to see the District 9 pair from her tent, wasn’t suffering as much was because of her ingenuity while sleeping. She curled in a small ball, blankets tightly wrapped around her, hands jammed in her armpits. Not to mention that her wrapping was camouflage and other tributes would have trouble spotting her in the night even standing near her position. 

“What is Liana going to do now?” Lilith wondered aloud, regretting it but not letting the pain show on her face.

“That’s a great question,” Daria said from her seat. The fifty-five-year-old always treated the younger Victor with respect and let her in on plans. This wasn’t usual but it was unspoken that Gloss would win, so revealing strategies wasn’t particularly dangerous this time around. “She’s been doing well so far, but who knows what effect yesterday had on her psyche.”

“This is ridiculous,” Gertrude shivered. “Why can’t we try and steal from anyone else? I’m sick of eating stringy meat.”

“At least we have food,” Yorick argued. “There wasn’t any available in the last two Games and the Careers stuffed themselves while others starved. We have water and enough to last.” 

“Careers,” Gertrude scoffed. “The Careers died immediately in the 61st Games and it’s down to three this year. Besides, isn’t District 4’s girl allied with District 11’s girl? Paisley and Katrina?”

“You know what I mean.” The teenagers fell into a sulking silence, broken by Liana’s light footsteps and laugh.

“I agree with you, Gertrude. Careers haven’t been entirely dominant in past years. How about we ally and try to keep that up?” The girl, only fourteen to the District 9’s pair sixteen years of age and completely underdeveloped due to starvation, had an air of confidence and maturity that belied everything else about her.

Yorick, who had scrambled up holding a knife improperly in front of him, shared a glance with Gertrude. The girl nodded her assent. He lowered the practically useless weapon after a moment. “Sure. Sounds good.”

“Do you have food? Real food?” Gertrude asked. Liana chuckled and pulled a loaf of bread out of her bag, tossing it to her new ally. 

“Here you go.”

“This is gonna work out really well,” Gertrude said as she tore off a large chunk of the bread. 

Brianna, Jason, and Daria came together silently. They would probably work together well though only Liana had attracted sponsors so far. Lilith, meanwhile, had been able to send Katrina several gifts of nutritious food and even an expensive compass because the of the girl’s performance. It was a good place to be in.

Lilith rode for an hour then left for an interview with Emily Fairysong. She arrived in a light green dress that she felt accentuated the best parts of her body without being obscene. She and Emily were becoming unlikely friends, allied in finding ways to avoid talking about the clear set-up for Gloss. Lilith conveyed her pride in Katrina’s actions and lied effectively that she thought her tribute had a chance of winning. To be fair, she would in most other years. A big lunch after the ride had really helped her mood and focus. Emily gave her a cupcake that didn’t make her throw up and as a bonus contained no added sugars. 

And then it was another visit with Jillian. Lilith changed into lingerie under her dress, preparing herself for a rough night. Jillian began by seeing right through her make-up and forced normal voice, catching onto the injury.

“Have you been dabbling in inappropriate behavior with others?” Jillian mocked, running her hands along Lilith’s neck. “That’s not very nice. Well, if you like it so much...” she suddenly latched on, making Lilith lash out. “Ooh, you don’t like that, do you? Too bad.”

Jillian left Lilith sore and much more bruised than before, if with hours to sleep it off. Dreams haunted her that night, waking her up several times, and she understood Jillian’s true power. The woman could suck any positive feeling out of anyone and leave them suffering in ways they never had before. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Death Toll: 17
> 
> Kill Count:  
> Paisley (D4F): 4  
> Gloss (D1M): 3  
> Katrina (D11F): 3  
> Kayleigh (D1F): 1  
> Jacques (D2M): 1  
> Brandon (D11M): 1


	67. Chapter 64

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The 63rd Hunger Games come to an end.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: blood, violence, death, injuries

_ The Gamemakers became increasingly creative over the next few days in an effort to lengthen the Games, mostly through weather.  _ Wind howled through the rocks on Day 6, knocking over Gloss and Jacques’ poorly set up tent. It turned to rain that night, and Day 7 brought more intense heat along with jarring bird calls. 

The tributes were getting antsy. Katrina went hunting in the rain, coming back soaked but less snappish than before. Paisley practiced her knife-handling skills constantly, absolutely destroying a board in the process. Gertrude, Yorick, and Liana discovered that they had a lot in common and mock-battled to pass the time. Gloss and Jacques spent two full days in a chilly silence. 

“I don’t know why they haven’t split up by now,” Mila said on the night of Day 6. “They’re just getting more and more angry at each other, and it won’t end well.”

Lilith lay on the couch, nursing her various bruises while the twins read in front of the television (turned on to a relatively tame kids’ program). Her throat still felt sore and didn’t seem to be getting better despite the fact that Mila had spent the past an hour and a half spreading usually highly effective healing lotions onto it. Lilith had tried to run that day, but stopped when she lost the ability to breathe briefly. Something concerning was going on there.  I agree, she signed.  It’s a bad move for both, because Gloss is a huge threat in general and Jacques could turn on him at any moment.

“We’ll see how long this lasts. How are you doing?” Mila sat down beside her prone girlfriend, the eyes that expressed too much of herself shining with worry.

Exactly the same as I did two minutes ago, Lilith replied.  Sore and tired.

“I’m sore and tired too!” Ursula slurred. She stood in the doorway, lip swollen from the surgery she’d had on her teeth the day before. Five cavities to Nathan’s clean bill of health. 

“Take care of your teeth better. Nathan’ were fine!” Mila told the girl, quickly clicking the Games off. “Speaking of which, Lilith, why are your teeth alright? I get that you brushed consistently throughout your childhood, but most kids have wisdom teeth that grow in as they age.”

Lilith cocked an eyebrow curiously.  I don’t know what those are.

“They’re extra teeth that some people have,” Nathan said, having come in from the kitchen. “Mila told me, and then I thought about how Mom complains about her mouth constantly. That could be why! She has wisdom teeth!”

“He’s right,” Mila said. “A person can have up to four wisdom teeth that tend to grow in crooked. Yours must have grown normally or just not be there. Brandon’s too, he never seemed to care about his teeth.”

Lucky us, Lilith signed listlessly. 

The mentoring room took up much of Lilith’s time now that she was taking a break from exercise, and she took the chance to look through her new books on the Hunger Games. Starting with Ariana’s.

She and Mila had run into the 59th Victor while out on a shopping date with the twins the day before, and the silence had been absolutely painful. Even the usually oblivious Ursula was quiet, fiddling with her new necklace.

Ariana had crouched down to the kids’ level, making them relax but Lilith tighten her hold on their hands. “That’s a pretty necklace you have there.”

“Thanks! Lilith gave it to me!” Ursula said. “It was our birthday yesterday. Well, Nathan and I’s is actually tomorrow, but Lilith and us are so close together that we just went with her day.”

All three Victors tried to work out what the girl meant by that. Nathan translated after another awkward moment. “She means that Lilith was born twelve years before us, but the actual day is only two days before. This year we had the party on Lilith’s day.”

“Ah. I get it now.” Ariana caught Lilith’s glare and stood, stepping away from the twins. “So his name is Nathan. What’s yours? I’m Ariana.”

“You’re a Victor. I’m Ursula and I want to see your Games,” Ursula declared.

Ariana looked surprise. “You haven’t watched them? How about this year?”

Lilith cut in here, forcing her voice into a normal tone. “No, I feel that they are not old enough. Maybe next year.”

Ariana’s face showed her disbelief with a furrowed brow, but Lilith could really care less. “It was nice to see you. We must be leaving now.” She led her siblings away, Mila following, and it had taken hours for her to fully relax. 

_ Ariana Kilgrave showed her shifting moods early on in the 59th Games _ , Lilith read nearer to the end of the book on Day 9.  _ She seemed giggly and lighthearted until the Bloodbath but then turned deadly, cutting down two tributes. She proceeded to emotionally abuse her allies until the very end, making them kill for her and faking several injuries. _

That sounded a lot like Ariana to Lilith, who looked up from her book when the sound of raised voices hit her ears. “I don’t understand how Liana is doing so well,” Brianna complained. “Gertrude’s hands are falling off, Yorick has a high fever, and Liana is... fine?”

Yorick and Gertrude were indeed suffering. There weren’t enough blankets to warm Gertrude and her frostbite was advancing even in the heat. Brianna was right on the mark; her hands had turned black and she couldn’t move them well. She sat under the makeshift tent now, miserably hiding her useless appendages in her armpits, as Yorick shook with fever beside her. 

“Your kids didn’t get the supplies Liana had, and she figured out the water before them. It’s called the luck of the draw.” Daria just shrugged. 

“There hasn’t been a Victor from District 9 in ages. Tell Liana to help them!” Jason demanded. Lilith wondered if they always acted like such children. Whether or not Liana outlived her allies, none of them would win. 

“All right. Sure.” Daria typed something into her computer, and Lilith didn’t need Brianna to gasp at the message to know that it couldn’t be what Jason had asked. 

“No. That’s betrayal!” Jason cried. “She wouldn’t do that, she’s a good girl!”

“This is the Arena. There are no ‘good’ kids,” Mags pointed out from beside Lilith. “If you told her to kill them, Daria, it’s a good call.” Grant and Maulus, talking quietly in the corner, chuckled among themselves. 

“I hate all of you!” Brianna shouted. Lilith focused on the screen. Liana, having poked her head out of the tent to take the piece of bread and note from Daria, was staring blankly at the piece of paper. She remained there for slightly too long, then gathered herself with a deep breath. 

“Wait- what are you doing- no!” Gertrude tried to move out of the way when Liana picked up the knife that she’d only used to get water so far, her face set grimly. 

“Sorry. But you can’t win.” Liana plunged the knife into an unresponsive Yorick. The cannon went off. Gertrude managed an ear-piercing scream before Liana killed her, failing to hit an artery the first time. A second stab to her heart did the job well.

Three things happened at the same time. Brianna cursed at Daria, who stared back smugly. Jason flipped a chair uncomfortably close to Lilith and Mags. Most importantly, Maulus practically lunged for his computer. The water bottle landed gently beside Gloss’s feet as he and Jacques appeared from his tent to investigate the scream. Lilith noted that Katrina and Paisley, farther away from the action, woke from something of a nap at the sound. 

Maulus’s message had directed his tribute to track Gertrude’s scream, because Gloss and Jacques took weapons and water with them in the vague direction that it had come from. Liana made a critical mistake then by having a panic attack and dropping her knife as she ran out of the tend holding her victims’ bodies. Lilith winced and Daria cursed. Brianna laughed from where she was leaving with Jason. “Good luck with that!”

Liana’s Games were falling apart with every step she took. Gloss and Jacques spotted her from two hundred feet away and shared a laugh as she stumbled towards them, tears streaming down her face. She was fourteen years old and had just killed two people. Of course she was upset, and the heat couldn’t possibly be helping her mental state. 

“I bet that I can kill her first,” Jacques said to Gloss. “With a spear.”

“You suck at the spear! Let me.” Gloss pulled the long weapon off of his back and prepared his stance. His run forward left him open to Jacques and then Lilith realized the intelligence of the doomed boy’s challenge. 

Gloss nailed Liana through the back, sending her to the ground with only the sound of her cannon to honor the girl that had proven the sharpness of her mind over and over and represented her District very well. 

Daria didn’t bother getting up or really reacting to her tribute’s death, her fascination with the Hunger Games making her able to move onto the next event.

And what an event it was. Jacques had tried to take Gloss out with a swift sword-strike but the other boy had sensed his heavy footfalls and dodged the blow. The boys were now battling it out in total silence. 

“You can’t beat me,” Gloss said after easily blocking Jacques’ best efforts. “I will win. You need to accept that.”

“I stand a chance. I know it!” Jacques insisted. His passion showed through in the tears that sprang into his eyes.

“Are you crying? Pathetic. Victors don’t cry,” Gloss snarled. Three more swift dodges and a sharp uppercut had Jacques bleeding out on the ground. Another cannon boomed.

“He’ll make a good Victor,” Grant said to Maulus while shaking his hand. “It was pleasant to work with you. I hope to do it again.”

“You’ve taught me a lot. Thank you for that,” Maulus replied. “Just two more.”

“Yeah, two more idiots! Get back, he can see you!” Lilith complained at the screen. Katrina and Paisley were armed but moving towards Jacques on their own, without prompting from the Gamemakers.

“It’s just Gloss left,” Paisley said when she noticed Liana’s speared body. “Are you ready?”

“As I’ll ever be,” Katrina replied tensely. She had to know that she would lose, but an intrinsic bravery kept her head up and grip on her knife tight. Lilith had come to terms with her tribute’s death from her first look at the Arena and said a mental to goodbye to the smart, gutsy girl. 

Gloss waited for Paisley and Katrina to approach him, his sword stained with Jacques’ blood. A hovercraft collected the District 2 tribute’s body along with Liana’s.

“Let’s fight.” Paisley made the first move, darting towards Gloss. He blocked her sword-strike lightly, not even breathing hard, smirk not moving from his face. Katrina proved a lack of training with a sloppy blow that almost scratched Paisley. It went on for about five minutes, Gloss playing cat-and-mouse with Paisley while Katrina circled them.

Katrina almost hit Gloss with her next strike but left her entire right side open. Lilith only nodded when Gloss responded by slicing a deep cut in her stomach. She dropped, mouth open. Paisley but she was too much of a match hand-to-hand against Gloss. Three scorpions skittered out of the shadows and sunk their tails into her leg after a blow that scratched into Gloss’s arm. Her cannon went off before Katrina bled out, left on the ground to die. 

Gloss Poolshine, the new Victor raised his hands in celebration, the only bit of blood on him the long scratch from Katrina. The bitterness on his face told the story of the 63rd Hunger Games. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Death Toll: 23  
> Yorick (D9M)- killed by Liana (D8F) on Day 9  
> Gertrude (D9F)- killed by Liana (D8F) on Day 9  
> Liana (D8F)- killed by Gloss (D1M) and Jacques (D2M) on Day 9  
> Katrina (D11F)- killed by Gloss (D1M) on Day 9  
> Paisley (D4F)- killed by Gloss (D1M) on Day 9
> 
> Kill Count:  
> Gloss (D1M): 7 (winner)  
> Paisley (D4F): 4  
> Katrina (D11F): 3  
> Liana (D8F): 2  
> Jacques (D2M): 2  
> Kayleigh (D1F): 1  
> Brandon (D11M): 1


	68. Known Characters after the 63rd Hunger Games

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I’ve taken out some that won’t be appearing again.

**Known Characters**

**Victors**

1st Hunger Games: Thea Gorse- 1 F- Deceased

2nd Hunger Games: Everett Wilson- 5 M- Deceased

3rd Hunger Games: Tre Fahlson- 11 M- Deceased

4th Hunger Games: Kieran Palpatine- 8 M- Deceased (rebel)

5th Hunger Games: Callie Glitter- 1 F- Living (rebel)

6th Hunger Games: Hammer Pound- 2 M- Deceased

7th Hunger Games: Sharon Gayer- 1 F- Deceased 

8th Hunger Games: Quirrel Gayer- 1 M- Living (rebel)

9th Hunger Games: Wave Smith- 4 F- Living (rebel)

10th Hunger Games: Lucy Gray Baird- 12 F- Deceased (rebel)

11th Hunger Games: Mags Flanagan- 4 F- Living (rebel)

12th Hunger Games: Fabian Burke- 1 M- Deceased

13th Hunger Games: Dustin Green- 3 M- Deceased

14th Hunger Games: Shelley Nylon- 2 F- Living (rebel)

15th Hunger Games: Gina Raxson- 6 F- Living

16th Hunger Games: Martin Oyster- 4 M- Living

17th Hunger Games: Woof Casino- 8 M- Living

18th Hunger Games: Grant Shade- 2 M- Living

19th Hunger Games: Vivianna Keller- 1 F- Living

20th Hunger Games: Brianne Mole- 9 F- Living

21st Hunger Games: Birch Axel- 7 M- Living

22nd Hunger Games: Wendy Shine- 1 F- Living

23rd Hunger Games: Marianne Lyons- 2 F- Living

24th Hunger Games: Daria Parsons- 8 F- Living

25th Hunger Games: Johnathan Hirschi- 5 M- Deceased

26th Hunger Games: Flash Johnson- 1 M- Living

27th Hunger Games: Greer Everly- 10 M- Living

28th Hunger Games: Rachel Powellen- 7 F- Living (rebel)

29th Hunger Games: Sandy Swirl- 4 F- Deceased

30th Hunger Games: Seeder Howell- 11 F- Living (rebel)

31st Hunger Games: Opal Veeria- 1 F- Living

32nd Hunger Games: Rocket Faydren- 1 M- Living

33rd Hunger Games: Beetee Latier- 3 M- Living

37th Hunger Games: Faydra Naismith- 1 F- Living

38th Hunger Games: Jason Shard- 9 M- Living

39th Hunger Games: Maulus Naismith- 1 M- Living (rebel)

40th Hunger Games: Wiress Langston- 3 F- Living

41st Hunger Games: Perch Trident- 4 M- Living

42nd Hunger Games: Blight Branch- 7 M- Living (rebel)

43rd Hunger Games: Hayley Washington- 2 F- Living 

44th Hunger Games: Apple Peach- 1 F- Living

45th Hunger Games: Chaff Mitchel- 11 M- Living

46th Hunger Games: Killian Haze- 11 M- Living (rebel)

47th Hunger Games: Brutus Xavier- 2 M- Living

48th Hunger Games: Chandler Justice- 8 M- Living (rebel)

49th Hunger Games: Moira Prince- 1 F- Living

50th Hunger Games: Haymitch Abernathy- 12 M- Living (rebel)

51st Hunger Games: Marlon Johnson- 8 M- Living

52nd Hunger Games: Cecelia Willow- 8 F- Living 

53rd Hunger Games: Bree Pine- 10 F- Living

54th Hunger Games: Janet Opal- 5 F- Living

55th Hunger Games: Diana Maris- 4 F- Living (rebel)

56th Hunger Games: Nicholas Rockwell- 2 M- Living

57th Hunger Games: Hayden Lucky- 5 M- Unknown

58th Hunger Games: Nolan Veeria- 1 M- Living

59th Hunger Games: Ariana Killgrave- 1 F- Living (rebel)

60th Hunger Games: Mira Riverwill- 2 F- Living (rebel)

61st Hunger Games: Lilith Hardy- 11 F- Living (rebel)

62nd Hunger Games: Enobaria Ovaline- 2 F- Living

63rd Hunger Games: Gloss Poolshine- 1 M- Living

**Capitol Citizens**

Jillian Richardson- businesswoman and gossiper

Howard Dustin- taxi driver for Lilith Hardy

Janice, Gina, Rafael, Mycenae Dustin- Howard’s family

Bernie Buskin- businessman

John- Avox

Nina- Avox

Yolanda- Avox

Elton Williams- owner of Capitol Café and rebel agent

Coriolanus Snow- President

Caesar Flickerman- host of the Hunger Games

Kayla Jolson- head Gamemaker for the Hunger Games

Tatiana Butterfly- prep team for District 11

Melon Butterfly- prep team for District 11

Avery Butterfly- prep team for District 11

Garius Willowshine- stylist for District 11 

Carson Gradient- teacher for Victors at the University

Dr. Patricia Gorse- orthodontist

Dr. Xavier North- official physician for Victors

Caroline Banner- therapist for Autistic children; also translator for deaf children

Emily Fairysong- journalist for  _ The Capitol Times _

Hallina Snow- Gamemaker, mutt engineer, President Snow’s daughter-in-law

Grayson Snow- president’s son, Hallina Snow’s husband

Chalis Ophelia- District 2 escort 

Ilinican Everheart- District 11 Escort

Effie Trinket- District 12 Escort

Erudice Willowshine- Gamemaker, mutt engineer

Marcus Lychee- head of the Sponsor Commission, Gamemaker 

Wisp Moth- Marcus Lychee’s second-in-command, Gamemaker

Seneca Crane- Marcus Lychee’s assistant, Gamemaker specializing in hovercrafts

Français Le Vaille- communications director, Gamemaker

Plutarch Heavensbee- heads control room during Hunger Games, Gamemaker

Charles Colgreen- businessman (clothing store chain owner), rebel, Ariana Kilgrave’s husband 

  
  


**District Citizens**

Frederick Early- head Peacekeeper for District 11 West region

Lopedius Heavensbee- mayor of District 11

Hunter, Julia Rockwell- District 2, Nicholas Rockwell’s family

George Everett- District 6 mayor

Rachel, Ila Justice- District 8, Chandler Justice’s wife and daughter 

Kieran Bird- District 12 coal worker

Opal Bird- District 12 refugee in District 13 

Jay, Ursula, Nathan Hardy- District 11, Lilith Hardy’s family

Piter, Carson, Oliver, Jason, Helena Riverwill- District 1, Mila Riverwill’s family

Jacob Nelson- District 11, Killian Haze’s partner

Marina Gorshile- head of Communications in District 13

Charles Boggs- head of Military in District 13

Rachel Jackson- District 11 nurse 

Rayna Ovaline- District 2 Peacekeeper, Enobaria Ovaline’s sister

Ivanna Maris- District 4, Diana Maris’ wife 

Cashmere, Nia, Jewel, and Flare Poolshine- District 1, Gloss Poolshine’s family 

Jack, Patrick, Zeus, Peach, Stormy, Sunny, Bethany, Skye, Grant Halverton- District 11


	69. Chapter 65

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lilith attends a party.

_ Lilith stared at the screen for a moment too long after a replay of the final battle began. A light nudge from Mags got her moving again.  _ She stood, taking the book with her, and approached Maulus, whose smile told her that he was thrilled to have a Victor, however set up he might have been. “Congratulations. That was an exciting finale.”

“Your girl helped make it so. She was really brave,” Maulus said graciously. “You should be proud.”

“I am,” Lilith replied. “When will the Presentation of the Victor be?”

“I don’t know yet. Gloss isn’t hurt much at all, so he’ll be released from the hospital and probably be thrown right into it.” Maulus shrugged. “He’s ready. It’s what I- er- talked to him about before the Games.”  _ What I trained him for.  _ Lilith nodded in understanding. 

“Let me know if I am invited to the party, will you?”

Maulus snorted. “You’ll find out all about it before me. It’s at the Snows’ and Hallina somehow has time to oversee planning.”

“Good. I will leave you to celebrate now,” Lilith said, stepping away and allowing Mags to approach Maulus. She felt only relief that this bitter, corrupt Hunger Games was finally over. 

“Lilith,” Mags called. The younger Victor turned at the door. “Have your brother’s remains been delivered to Victors’ Village yet?”

“Yes. My mother told me.” Lilith waved and ducked out the door, wondering why Mags had asked. 

Sure enough, two hours later when Lilith was distracting herself from thinking about her lack of exercise by showing Ursula and Nathan how to multiply the tens, Hallina rang. Lilith left the twins to play around with beads in the living room while she talked in the bedroom. “Hey, Hallina. What’s up?” She had been formal on the phone at first, but Hallina preferred comfort in conversation with her mistresses as a contrast to the stilted, strained language she used around her official family. Lilith didn’t blame her and it was easier to deal with. 

“I’m party planning right now. Come over and help!” Hallina said cheerfully.

“Will Grayson be around? Does he know about our relationship?” Lilith quickly backed up the questions with an explanation. “I apolozige, it’s just that I am quite careful. Being with just you at President Snow’s mansion seems unsafe.” Their relationship was developing into something with elements of equality. Hallina really did seem to care about Lilith’s feelings and comfort in some capacity until she got to the bedroom and let out all of her held-back anger, sexual need, and ferocity. It was truly fascinating to watch her in different situations 

“I get it,” Hallina assured. “I’ve thought this through. Grayson is out of the Capitol on a vacation to District 4. He won’t be back for a while and he knows about us anyway. We had a screaming fight but he’s just as bad. Anyway, just come over, the rest of my family doesn’t actually care.”

“All right. I will be there in forty-five minutes, does that work?” Lilith hoped it did, because the last thing she wanted to do was bring Ursula and Nathan to the Snow mansion. 

“That sounds good. I want your help putting up supplies and that won’t start for a bit anyway,” Hallina replied, then hung up. She had terrible phone etiquette, not that Lilith was much better about it. 

The twins agreed to head back to Diana and Ivanna’s, happy now that Lilith had spent some real time with them. It helped that they loved their hosts and the kids of the neighborhood. 

Lilith wore a long, sleek blue dress with black flats for mobility and matching heels for the party itself, make-up as usual, and a beautiful pearl necklace. She actually liked the outfit and approved of the fact that she still looked fit despite not exercising for three days. 

Hallina greeted Lilith at the door of the mansion, smiling widely, dressed in a stylish green top and gray skirt. She wasn’t one to show off her body and hadn’t gotten surgery, oddly enough, but the look worked well on her. “Oh, you’re five minutes early, fantastic. The workers are here and I have a job for you!”

“How do you even have time for this? Weren’t you working the Hunger Games this morning?” Lilith questioned as she and Hallina walked into President Snow’s grand hall. It was odd to see it so bare, with a group of workers under the command of another one of the leader’s sons. The room was really quite elegant with ivory-and-black patterned floors and tall supports for a high ceiling with crystal chandeliers hanging down. There were already piles of supplies scattered around. 

“Oh, Eurydice and I take turns.” Hallina lowered her voice slightly. “...and the Games were going to end today, so she let me start to prepare.”

“So it was planned. Hm.” Lilith put a not and no facial expression onto her statement. Hallina tended to give away information so easily. 

“Yeah. What type of shoes do you have on?” Hallina asked.

“Flats for now, but heels for tonight,” Lilith replied. “I can do most anything but run in them.”

“Good! Then you can use a ladder to hang up red streamers around the far two collumns. Wait, first, I need to introduce you to my brother-in-law. His eight-year-old absolutely adores you.” Hallina practically dragged Lilith over to a short, wiry man with black hair and kindly eyes. He broke into a legitimate grin when he saw the Victor.

“Hello!” Bernard Snow exclaimed. “I’ve been wanting to meet you for a while.” Lilith noted that his gaze was focused on her face and not her exposed chest, but she could never trust a Snow to be truly legitimate. Maybe he was just gay. 

“It is nice to meet you too,” Lilith replied respectfully. “I’m here to help. Do you have a task for me?”

“Whatever Hallina said. She’s the one that’s really in charge here,” Bernard winked. “I just order people around. Oh, my daughters will adore it if I tell them you’re here!” He suddenly rushed away, the smile on his face turning manic. Ah. So he wasn’t sane. 

Lilith took some cloth streamers and clear tape from a pile, heading over to the two collumns that Hallina had mentioned. She got into the rhythm of working, wrapping as high as she could on three poles and managing not to tear the delicate streamers. Then she and Hallina prepared tables for food and drinks. The kitchens really opened the Victors’ eyes: all of the cooks but the main cook was a teenaged Avox. They had burns all over them and didn’t show any emotion. 

“What goes into the drinks that provoke nausea?” Lilith asked as she watched a miserable child mix a vat of blue chemicals. 

“You have a wonderful vocabulary... but I’m not sure that you would understand the names,” Hallina told her mistress. “They’re really long. Basically, it’s a chemical that triggers the gag reflex and another that clears the stomach out, leaving only healthy nutrients, so that the body doesn’t develop too much fat.”

“Is there one that makes it taste pleasant?”

“Lots of honey,” Hallina responded dryly. “It works well, actually.”

“Lilith!” Bernard Snow stuck his head into the kitchen. “My daughters have dragged themselves away from the recap long enough to say hello.”

Lilith exited the kitchen and saw the most garishly dressed children she’d ever come across. The younger one, who looked to be about five, wore a sparkling pantsuit and full face of make-up. Her sister, eyes eager as she ran up and hugged Lilith, had a mini-ball gown on and looked much more elegant in select make-up. 

“Hi! I loved watching your Games, you were great!” The girl rushed. Lilith resisted the urge to kick her away and forced her voice to be cheerful. 

“I’m so glad! What did you like about me?”

“You’re not a Career,” the girl said with wisdom beyond her years. “And you were so strong the entire time. It was a lot of killing, though.”

“I agree. I did kill a lot of tributes.” Lilith crouched down to the girl’s level and looked at her sister with her next words. “You know who I am. What are your names?”

“I’m Queenie and that’s Tia,” the younger girl piped up.

“It’s wonderful to meet you,” Lilith said. “You both seem lovely.”

“Daddy, I wanna watch TV,” Queenie pouted. 

“Not me. I like helping,” Tia declared. “What were you doing, Lilith?”

“You will not be working like a lowly Avox! Lilith here might be used to it, but a Snow will never fall to that level,” Bernard snarled. Lilith was clearly reminded of her father and drew back with the girls. Bernard didn’t seem to notice and pulled his daughters away without another word. 

“Sorry about him,” Hallina said later as she and Lilith finished up their fifth table of the night. “His moods shift quite quickly. Something called bipolar disorder. Honestly, though, he’s right. I shouldn’t be working either, but it helps relieve anxiety.”

Lilith didn’t have much time to think about the ridiculous Snow family before the party began. The venue had been totally transformed into a glamourous, shining celebration of the newest Victor. Each decoration had some type of glitter on it. Perfect for Gloss, who arrived looking slighty hassled. As more guests arrived and surrounded the new Victor, Lilith counted only six Victors, including Maulus and Gloss. Mags had a conversation with Gloss that seemed pleasant from afar, followed by Grant and Daria. Many had already left, yes, but this was a carefully chosen group. Lilith most likely would not have been a part of it if not for Hallina’s influence. 

Gloss took the initiative an hour into the party and approached Lilith, who was struggling to converse with a loud Capitolite who seemed to think that she was deaf. The woman nearly fainted at the sight of the tall, handsome Victor. Her husband rushed her off, embarrassed at the spectacle. 

“You made a quick recovery,” Lilith said to Gloss when they were relatively alone by the food table. His plate was piled high with food and he’d gone right for the alcohol. 

“I wasn’t very hurt,” Gloss shrugged. Lilith supposed that there wasn’t much he could tell her out loud in a bugged situation. Ironically enough, this, a noisy party with scattered microphones, was actually a secure place to share information. “How long have you been here? I didn’t see you arrive.”

“I helped set it up. Hallina Snow invited me.” Lilith noted that Gloss didn’t seem surprised at the reveal. “Wait, do you get Capitol news in District 1? Are she and I even in the news?”

“We do get Capitol newspapers, but because this would create controversy, it’s not in there. Maulus told his trainees,” Gloss replied, lowering his voice at the last words. “Are you going to get a drink? I can pour you alcohol.”

“I don’t drink, thanks,” Lilith said. She turned to an Avox that was walking by and signaled that she wanted a non-alcoholic drink. Gloss watched the gesture curiously.

“You can speak to it?”

Lilith scowled at Gloss. “ _ He _ uses sign language. My brother Brandon was deaf, and we communicated that way. It saves a lot of time with my cleaners in my apartment.”

“Oh, your brother. I was really sorry to see that he died so early,” Gloss said. The real compassion that he could muster because he hadn’t killed Brandon made Lilith briefly choke up. The moment broke when the Avox returned with a fizzy green drink, a little faster than Lilith would expect, since she’d asked for a drink no one else wanted from the way most party guests were stumbling around. 

“Thank you,” Lilith said after her first sip. It was some sort of juice and soothed her throat. “I expected it, of course, but he was still my brother. And since I don’t want my younger siblings to see the Games just yet, it was hard to explain.”

“How much younger are your siblings?” Gloss’s surprise showed through in his disbelieving tone. 

“Twelve years. I will start introducing them to low levels of gore when we get home,” Lilith replied. “They’re only seven. Just turned seven.”

“Twins. I have twin siblings as well. They’re only four years younger and we don’t really get along well. Too infantile.” Gloss made a face.

Lilith snorted. “My siblings have been infantile for years.”

“Yeah, they’re little kids!” Gloss grinned. Something about him totally relaxed Lilith and allowed her to open up a bit. Not fully, of course, because she couldn’t trust him just yet, but she thought that they would become good friends. She immediately sensed his hidden bitterness and untapped strength. It was a real shame that he hadn’t been able to show his skills and would always be haunted by a completely unfair victory. He could have won in an unfamiliar Arena on his own.


	70. Chapter 66

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lilith has a medical emergency.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: discussion of bodies and some medical procedures.
> 
> Disclaimer: I am not a doctor in any sense, so I apologize for any mistakes made in discussing medical procedures.

_Lilith had gone to bed tired and ready to sleep a full night, but she regained consciousness only four hours after closing her eyes to a burning pain in her throat._ She reached gently for a glass of water, knowing that she hadn’t drunk enough the night before. Mila was passed out, losing her usual grace and slumping over half the bed. Her arm lay over Lilith’s chest, every so often rubbing them. 

Lilith didn’t blame her girlfriend. She herself had been fascinated with them after the surgery. They weren’t huge and didn’t get in her way during exercise, but they were totally even and much firmer than before. Jay’s, in contrast, were totally soft and uneven by age thirty. Lilith would have preferred that look, but she also didn’t hate the shape of her chest and ass now. They made her look more attractive to clients and her chosen partner. 

Anyway, the only part of Lilith’s body she was worried about at the moment was her throat. She went into the kitchen and made herself some tea with honey, but the heat only made her feel worse. Her anxiety increased with each minute that passed; her throat only devolved. She decided that this probably required medical help and woke Mila with a light shove after forty-five minutes. 

“What?” Mila groaned. Her mouth, open in sleep, snapped shut and her bleary but still beautiful eyes fluttered open. “Is it really morning yet? It doesn’t feel like it.”

“No,” Lilith said. The rough hack of her voice shocked both young women and Mila sat up, fully awake now. “But my throat is really bothering me.”

“It sounds like it. Let me see it.” Mila reached over and turned on the light. Her gasp told Lilith that the situation was bad. “Shit! Can you even breathe?”

“Clearly,” Lilith replied, but her words came with no sarcastic bite. A brief touch to her throat told her that it was swollen. “Is it red?”

“And purple.” Mila was already dressed and headed for the door. “Come on, you need help now.”

“Agreed, but the twins are still in this apartment,” Lilith countered. Mila bit her lip then pulled out her phone. 

“Killian?” Mila said. “Yeah, I know what time it is. Lilith and I need to head to the hospital, so can you watch the twins? Yes, we need to go right now. Just come.”

Killian arrived in three minutes and knocked rather loudly on the door. Lilith stood up with only one shoe on, aware that she slept in her bra and hadn’t changed into a shirt yet. Killian didn’t notice as he focused on the younger Victor’s throat. His initial reaction was pure horror, but years of living in the Capitol had taught him to control himself. So he only raised an eyebrow. “You should get that checked out.”

“That’s where we’re going,” Mila snapped, throwing Lilith a shirt. 

“Thank you for coming,” Lilith offered to Killian while slipping the shirt on. The man just waved her off and went over to the couch. His clothes were rumpled and a bit revealing, but he clearly worked out with a well-muscled core and limbs. 

“As long as I can sleep,” he yawned. Lilith wanted to hug him and show how grateful she was. He was completely packed and ready to leave the Capitol in just a few hours. This would keep him here for at least another day. 

Lilith and Mila left hurriedly, pushed on by the eighteen-year old. Both flinched at the cold when they stepped outside. It was one in the morning and getting to be fall. The Capitol sparkled with lights in the dark in a scattered array that almost seemed picturesque. 

“I have a car. Come on,” Mila urged. Her eyes shone with distress in the low lighting. Lilith knew that her girlfriend could drive- she’d begin to learn over the past months- but wasn’t aware that she housed a vehicle in the Capitol.

The car was the same as Mila held in District 2 and familiar to both Victors. Mila cranked up the heat right away and gunned the engines before she’d put her seatbelt on.

“Don’t crash!” Lilith warned. Her voice broke with agony at the end of her exclamation, sending her into a coughing fit. Mila shook her head.

“That is absolutely abnormal. Swelling _and_ coughing? Honey not helping? Something is going on here.” The car, luckily, was debugged. Mila did know how to control her words normally.

“Maybe I ate something at the party. Who knows-” Lilith coughed again when she tried to speak.

“Please don’t talk. We’re close.” Mila drove in silence for ten more minutes. Lilith understood logically that she wasn’t in the car for a particularly long length of time, but as her breathing became more labored with every second, it felt like the final battle in her Games: slow and hellish. She’d been able to work through every move and feel every bit of pain from her wounds. There was nothing she could do now but wait to get medical help. No one to fight or get past. Eventually, her head nodded as her body focused on keeping her ever-worsening breathing breathing. 

Mila parked badly in a spot at the University Hospital where she spent her days and jumped out of the car, never having clipped her seatbelt in, opening up Lilith’s door and helping her half-conscious girlfriend through the cold. She pulled out her identification badge to the hassled nurse at the Emergency Room desk. “Mila Riverwill. Lilith is currently asphyxiating and I don’t know why.”

“Get scrubs on and you can help. Symptoms?” The nurse asked, ringing a bell as she spoke. Two more nurses appeared with a stretcher just moments later. 

“Swelling. Dryness that liquids can’t help, and talking causes pain,” Mila listed off while hurriedly putting on the outfit, mask, and gloves that the front desk nurse handed her. “The coloration comes from severe bruising on two separate occasions in the past week. It didn’t respond well to ice or Necromance cream.”

“Odd,” the male nurse helping Lilith (who was desperately trying to keep up with the conversation through the fog of her mind) onto the stretcher. “What caused the bruising in the first place?” 

“Humans.” Mila noticed that Lilith tensed when a nurse tried to secure her wrist to the stretcher. “It’s okay, honey, Carl, Gianna, and I are going to help. The straps are just a precaution.”

Lilith didn’t put up resistance for long, slipping into full unconsciousness, unable to stay awake any longer. She remained that way for the next few hours, when her throat closed and Dr. North had to open it up to remove the poison filling it and causing an allergic reaction. She missed Mila’s breakdown and desperate, tearful call to Killian. The twins weren’t allowed to see her until the swelling had gone down and she could breathe without a tube. That took a full twelve hours and her throat was still highly inflamed, the mark from the surgery already fading from various creams specially designed to remove scars.

Nurse Gianna almost had a heart attack when President Snow himself entered the hospital, surrounded by a retinue of Peacekeepers and accompanied by his third wife Gulnara. “Mr.- Mr. President! What an honor.”

“I’m sure. May we visit Miss Lilith Hardy? Her poisoning happened in our home and we felt that we owed her a visit. We will cover the costs, of course, it is no issue.” Coriolanus Snow looked right through the nurse and the openmouthed Capitolites in the waiting room. 

“Of course, sir, ma’am,” Nurse Gianna said, bowing. “Mila Riverwill was there earlier, but she is finally resting.”

“Good. I hear that she was helpful in the process,” Gulnara said smoothly. “I like her. Clever, multifaceted girl.”

“Our Mila is something special,” Nurse Gianna smiled. She paused when they got to Lilith’s door. “Now, she should be awake by now. She is on medication and not allowed to speak at the moment, so please do not expect much response from her.”

“No problem. It’s been less than a day since her surgery, after all,” Gulnara Snow said with a sickly sweet smile. As she and her husband entered the room, a Peacekeeper nudged Nurse Gianna away. 

Lilith lay, bright light reflecting off of her skin, eyes open, mask over her face. Her gaze latched onto the visitors and her drugged mind tried to launch into action. 

“Don’t worry. We’re not here to harm you,” President Snow told the Victor. 

“You aren’t stupid. You understand why these Games ended the way they did,” Gulnara said. The lightness of her tone disappeared and became one of iron. “And you were quite good about it, even when Miss Kilgrave set you up for it.”

“However, I’ve found that even the most careful of Victors need reminders sometimes. You know why your poor brother’s name was called at the Reaping. This is simply a warning. How can you speak out if it hurts you?” President Snow latched right onto his wife’s words. _They were meant to be,_ Lilith thought bitterly. _Of course I needed something else to tell me that I can’t rebel. Of course my brother being Reaped wasn’t enough._

The drugs must have been wearing off, because Lilith began to understand more of what was being said. The message was loud and clear; stay loyal or you and your family will suffer. 

Mila returned just moments after the Snows and their Peacekeeper retinue left, wide-eyed with shock. “Okay, what’s that about?” Lilith just shrugged, not having the energy or will to tell her girlfriend the truth. “Fair enough. The twins are resting at the apartment, and I’ll join them soon, but you should know what you drank. Yes, drank, probably something at the party. The drug is new, called ulcopytenol, and targets the throat. Fills it and can kill the victim in a day. You woke me just in time.”

Will I be able to speak? Is the damage permanent?  Lilith asked. She was beginning to tire again.

Mila made a face as she considered. “...yes, but it will cause you pain if you overextend yourself. Look, just sleep now, okay? We can work something out later.”

Lilith took the suggestion and drifted off. She didn’t dream, but if she would have, they would have been tinged with bitterness over just how corrupt and cruel this government was. 


	71. Chapter 67

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lilith and her family leave the Capitol.

_ Lilith stayed in the hospital for three more days until her surgery scar had faded to nothingness and her throat wasn’t swollen anymore. _ Mila stayed by her side most of the time with the twins alternating between the hospital and the Marises’ houses. Lilith did what she was told, avoiding speaking or making noises in her throat like laughing or disbelievingly grunting, a skill that came easier than she expected, mostly because of the stabbing pain that coursed through her every time she did anything of the sort. 

“Lilith, you have to tell me what the Snows had to say,” Mila begged early the third morning. Lilith only took a bite of her eggs and gave her girlfriend a hard look. “Come on! It’s probably important.”

I couldn’t tell you even if I wanted to , Lilith signed.  It’s my right. Why couldn’t Mila understand that she needed to be more subtle? Such information was dangerous and extremely confidential.  Just give it up already, you’ve asked twenty times in three days. Now how is preparation for leaving going?

Mila sighed, irritation glowing in her red sleep-deprived eyes. “Fine. I’ve had Ursula and Nathan pack their things- helping them, of course- and the Avoxes packed your bags and mine in about thirty minutes. Everything is ready for your release.”

Oh, I need to tell you beforehand. Hallina is coming to help us pack the train, Lilith signed. Mila’s eyes widened.

“Really? Great. Okay. Well, we’ll be having lunch on the train then,” Mila sighed. “I need to go get a couple of things squared away now. See you later.”

Lilith had received several visitors over her hospital stay. Hallina, giving no inclination that she had known about her in-laws’ involvement in the poisoning, came almost every day. The doctors had to remind her several times that Lilith was supposed to be resting her voice and couldn’t respond to her chatty questions. The woman was unused to being told no and struggled with her expectations over lunch.

Now she was insisting over email that Lilith could spare a few words for her generous partner. The Victor agreed that she would be fine to speak after being released from the hospital, which of course wasn’t true. Mila hated the Gamemaker for it and Lilith would have if Hallina had the ability to keep her mouth shut about confidential matters. 

The official story of why Lilith was yet again hospitalized given out to the public and her siblings was that she’d had an allergic reaction to medication. It did make some sense and the twins bought it almost immediately. They were also just children.

Ursula had taken to Garius when he’d dropped by the day before, lighting up at his stories about tributes (all light and positive, of course). Nathan stayed quiet, scared by the flashy, tall man who filled the stark-white room with his powerful, bold laugh. Conversely, he attached to Hallina right away and she was charmed by his intelligence. Lilith wanted her brother well away from the Snow.

The twins were staying with Diana and Ivanna until that afternoon. Getting them to and from that neighborhood was difficult because the press wanted a glimpse of Lilith Hardy’s mysterious little siblings and a chance to scour them for information on the Victor’s whereabouts. It took all of Howard’s knowledge of the city’s streets to avoid the mass of cars. 

The paparazzi did manage to stay away from the hospital thanks to the Peacekeepers posted by the door, but rumors about Lilith and Mila were floating around because District 2’s Victor insisted upon using the front entrance every time she came and went. Just like Mila couldn’t get Lilith to tell her what the Snows had said, there was no use in convincing Mila to hide her comings and goings. 

Lilith just wanted to go home. Yes, Jay would be there, but one challenging mother was nothing compared to a city full of sadistic rich assholes who thought of Lilith as an object to be controlled. 

Lilith was released after a four-day stay at 13:00 that afternoon and didn’t bother stopping by her apartment. Even Gloss had left for home by then, making Lilth and Mila the last Victors still in the Capitol who didn’t live there full-time or were attending University for the summer. The train wouldn’t leave for another hour yet, so Hallina had the chance to arrive in full regalia.

The woman pranced into the station, blowing right past security. She didn’t wear anything overly flashy but had such a presence with her understated blue dress and tall, impossibly thin figure that anyone who knew anything about the Snows recognized her in seconds or at least got out of her way. 

Paparazzi gathered behind Hallina. Mila looked up from her phone and almost groaned aloud, her face falling. Lilith squeezed her girlfriend’s hand quickly before letting go and turning to face Hallina. “You made it!” Her voice cracked and she resisted the urge to cry out with pain.

“Work on that tone there! It’s almost like you don’t like me,” Hallina said jokingly. 

“Why would she fucking like you, sadist?” Mila murmured through her smile. Lilith stepped on her foot as a reminder to stay calm.”

“You know that I like you. Thank you so much for coming, I really appreciate it,” Lilith replied, ignoring the spiking pain in her throat. “Would it be possible to get the paparazzi out of here? I’m fine with media myself, but these two should still have privacy.”

“They should get used to it! Besides, it’s good for the press to see you well,” Hallina said, her voice carrying a warning. “We were all worried, you know, because you’ve had so many medical emergencies lately! Why don’t you go reassure them that you’re safe while I help pack!” There was no refusing, so both Mila and Lilith readied themselves. Nathan began to chat Hallina up while Lilith headed over to where five Peacekeepers were holding an ever-growing group of paparazzi. 

“Miss Hardy! How are you feeling?”

“What happened, Lilith? Was your life in danger?”

“Why have you been getting sick lately?”

“Are those your siblings? Can we talk to them?”

Cameras flashed and Lilith wasn’t sure where to look. A reporter handed her a microphone and she spoke into it, feeling her voice vibrate around the area. Behind her, Hallina dropped a bag on Ursula’s foot, making her cry out. 

“One at a time, please,” Lilith said. “First of all, I am feeling fine. I was not aware that I was allergic to a new medication and had a severe reaction to it. The doctors did a wonderful job and I am going to fully recover. My two medical emergencies in the past year have been completely unrelated.”

“What do you think happened?”

“I just told you what happened,” Lilith said, confused now.

“I mean- did you really have an allergic reaction? Could something have happened at the party the night before?” The same reporter insisted. 

“No, absolutely not. The Presidential mansion is totally safe. Are you suggesting that I could have been sabotaged by someone there? The President himself, even?” Lilith forced her sore voice into a disbelieving tone, shooting the pressure onto the reporter, who found himself in an awkward position. If Snow wanted loyalty, she would give him loyalty. 

“No... no, of course not,” the reporter mumbled before backing away, leaving the situation. A ripple of respect rose; the press liked Victors who could hold their own against a crowd. 

“Where are you going now? We know that you spent a lot of time in District 2 last year.”

“I am heading to District 11. My brother grew up there and should be laid to rest there,” Lilith said. A few reporters nodded and she knew that she was doing well. 

“My condolances on your brother’s death,” a reporter called. The sentiment was echoed by quite a few others.

“Thank you. It was expected, of course, but his was still a hard loss,” Lilith acknowledged. The questions continued for a few minutes longer, with the reporters respecting the twins’ privacy by not asking about them, and then Mila tapped her on the shoulder to signal that it was time to leave.

“I’ll see you soon,” Hallina said to Lilith as she hugged her mistress. PDA wasn’t appropriate in this situation, and honestly, a hug seemed more romantic (not that there was much romance in that situation). 

“Yes,” Lilith agreed. “Thank you for your generosity this year.”

Mila shook Hallina’s hand tightly. Lilith hoped that the fury in her eyes wasn’t obvious to anyone else. She pulled her girlfriend away as soon as she could, waving goodbye to a teary Hallina and the clamoring paparazzi. Relief was her only emotion as the train raced away from the station. 

“That- that-” Mila spluttered out the moment the doors closed. “Why did she come? She could have broken Ursula’s foot!”

“I’m fine,” the little girl said mildly. “She’s clumsy is all.”

“See? She wanted to show that she cares for me by helping out,” Lilith told Mila before switching to signing, feeling her throat begin to burn from the stress.  Anyway, she’s not here now, is she? I’m glad that you care so much for me.

“No. She’s back in the city.” Mila pulled herself together with a sharp nod. She certainly knew the consequences of not keeping her real feelings back, even for a popular District 2 Victor. She needed to start doing better about it and soon, however. “Who else is hungry? I know that you didn’t eat breakfast, Lilith.”

“I want food,” Nathan said. “It’s better than Mom and Lilith’s cooking here! No offense. Not Jacob’s, though.”

I don’t think of myself as a great cook. I’m not offended, and I agree that the food on these trains is excellent. Let’s go get some! Lilith signed enthusiastically. When all seemed dark, her brother could be counted on to see the good in every situation. It was a levity that many adults that she had met could learn from. 


	72. Chapter 68

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lilith goes home, and the welcome isn’t all joyous.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: Jay’s terrible parenting, homophobic language

_ Lilith enjoyed the train ride, spending most of it watching the Districts flash by. The train spent a good amount of time darting through District 1 as a shortcut, and the Victor appreciated its stark beauty in a way that she hadn’t been able to with the Arena. _ Many more animals populated the land and the towns they went by actually seemed cozy, at least until the center of the desert where three large cities lay. 

“Where does Gloss live?” Ursula asked over a delicious and relatively healthy dinner. Lilith didn’t know, so she looked to Mila for an answer. Her sister could read way beyond her age level and all of the newspapers in the Capitol had been completely focused on the Hunger Games, so it made sense that she knew about Gloss.

“In the last town we just passed, actually,” Mila replied. “Along with his family. He visited while you were unconscious, Lilith, and told be about it. The Victory Tour started two days ago so he had to leave before you woke up. Expect a call from him soon.”

That’s generous of him. I met Gloss at a party and he was very nice, Lilith told her siblings. 

“His sister was really pretty,” Nathan reflected. “How old is she? She looked strong.”

“See? Even seven-year-olds can see Cashmere’s beauty,” Mila said. “I’ll bet that she will want to be District 1’s tribute next year. I remember that Nicholas’ brothers felt like they needed to volunteer and win as soon as they were old enough. Just societal pressure, and Cashmere’s clearly outgoing, strong, and confident.”

“I’ve met Nicholas. Wait, he only has one brother!” Ursula protested.

“Peter and Norman died in the Hunger Games,” Mila told the girl. There was no point in keeping the truth from her, and she was clearly eager for details about real life. She might have been able to watch some of the Games this year. 

I killed Norman, actually, Lilith added.

“You killed Nicholas’ brother and he likes you? I wouldn’t like it if someone killed Ursula and then tried to be my friend,” Nathan said.

He’s a forgiving person. Besides, killing is considered okay if it’s in the Hunger Games. Mila and I would be labeled as serial killers if we hadn’t been in the Games, Lilith signed. Ursula looked at Mila, surprise in her eyes.

“You killed people too? Isn’t that wrong?”

Mila smiled bitterly. “In most situations, yes. I killed nine tributes. Does that make you think of me any differently?”

Ursula’s little face clouded with confusion. “I don’t think so.” Death, to her, was still an abstract concept. She understood that Brandon was dead and wouldn’t be coming back, but not why or how it worked.

The train arrived in District 11 after twelve hours, most of which were spent sleeping or reading. Nathan frowned as he perused the station. “Where’s Mom?”

Probably at home, Lilith signed. Why would Jay bother to show up to greet her children? She’d made it clear that she considered Lilith an independent adult and outside of her capacity for love, but the twins were only seven. Surely she cared for the children who she’d carried only a few years before enough to make an effort to love. 

“Mom doesn’t act like a good mommy,” Ursula scoffed. “She doesn’t like Lilith because she loves Mila. She wanted Brandon to leave because he liked Kellan and didn’t say goodbye. That’s not how a mother should act.”

“I’m sure she loves you,” Mila told Nathan, whose eyes were filling with tears. Lilith held herself back from commenting that Jay didn’t love the twins enough to counter her behavior to avoid a breakdown as they left the train. 

Two Peacekeepers entered the train car. One headed for the bags while the other approached Lilith. “Miss Hardy, there is a car waiting for you and your family. We will take your luggage.”

“Thank you. Come, Ursula,” Lilith called to her sister, who was watching the Peacekeeper shoulder Mila’s clothes bag. “They will handle our bags.”

Nathan, who didn’t like Peacekeepers, stuck close to his sister on the station. Ursula needed several reminders to follow; she had expressed interest in that profession before. Lilith strongly disapproved but kept her reaction to the girl’s announcement of three months ago mild, hoping that the wish would fade with age. Far be it from her to crush her little sister’s dreams so early on in life.

The twins chatted happily throughout the ride. Their patience and flexibility during the past few weeks was remarkable for children so young and Lilith was intensely grateful for it. They would need to grow up and mature quickly, but hopefully not as rapidly as Lilith or Brandon.

“Oh, you’ve got to be kidding me,” Mila sighed as the little group walked up the path. The Hardy siblings’ personal belongings were laid out in neat piles outside of their old house, Jay made her first appearance of the day as she hauled a bag of Nathan’s clothing, neatly ordered and marked like she always liked everything to be, out of the door. She spotted her children and nodded sharply.

“There you are. I hired workers to put furniture, including toys and books, into a house down the block, but you need to get clothes and such.”

Are you really doing this right now? Lilith demanded, noticing that Nathan was frozen on the path, taking in the situation. Ursula fought back her hurt with a sigh and flounced over to a bag of clothes.

“Oh, wow,” the Peacekeeper standing behind Lilith chuckled. “She’s cold.”

“Very.” Lilith turned to the Peacekeeper and smiled tightly. “We can handle this from here. This situation is... rather personal.”

“I can see that. Have fun,” the Peacekeeper said before placing the final bag down and heading off. “I am stationed at Victors’ Village for this year. Let me know if you have any concerns.”

“Noted. Thank you.” Lilith sucked in her breath, winced at the pain it caused, and turned back towards Jay, who was watching her expectantly. Mila stared in absolute disbelief.

So you expect us to move out with no warning? Fine, but you have to explain this to the twins. Nathan especially. Lilith gestured to the child, who was trembling with fury and hurt.

“My parents would never do this. They actually care about me,” Mila spat.

“Oh, do they? More like they pamper you. If the kids weren’t Lilith’s responsibility now, I’d ban you from their lives,” Jay scoffed. 

“What are we to you?” Nathan’s childish voice sounded nothing like it usually did. His tone portrayed grief, disbelief, and betrayal in a heartbreakingly adult way. “How can you just let us go like this?”

“This was Lilith’s idea. Don’t blame me,” Jay said defensively.

“Is that true?” Nathan turned to his sister, who crouched in front of him with a gentle gaze. Ursula had disappeared into the new house, making the best out of the situation as usual. Her grief would surface later. 

I suggested us moving because I felt that living with Jay was negative to your development, Lilith told Nathan.  The plan was to stay in the house for a few more days before making the transition.

“So you didn’t even tell Lilith what was going on. What’s that about?” Nathan’s lisp from growing adult teeth did nothing to soften the bite of his words. “Do you actually care about Ursula and I? Why didn’t you say goodbye to Brandon?”

Jay’s façade of superiority was crumbling under her son’s questioning. “Brandon was a fag. As is Lilith. I don’t accept such people as my family.”

“What-” Mila began. Lilith held a warning hand out; Nathan had the situation handled at the moment. 

“Who cares?” Nathan demanded. “Lilith and Mila love each other. Don’t you want them to be happy?”

“It isn’t natural. You- why am I even doing this? You’re a child. A stupid child who doesn’t understand what goes on in the world. Anyway, Brandon’s ashes are in that silver urn by your clothes bag, Lilith. Take them.” Jay stalked away, sending an irritated look at Nathan. 

“W-w-w...” Nathan stuttered out. His tears came out in an ear-shattering wail. “Why doesn’t she care?”

“I don’t know,” Lilith whispered roughly into her sobbing brother’s ear. The noise attracted Killian (looking sober for the first time in weeks) and Jacob, who appeared out of their house. Seeder, carrying Rue and accompanied by several children, came out as well. 

“I’m sorry about Jay. What do you need?” Jacob asked Lilith. He rubbed Nathan’s shoulder sympathetically and pulled the Victor in for a hug. “It’s nice to see you.”

“You too. I can calm down Nathan if you can help put this stuff away. Mila, I trust you with my clothing.”

Mila nodded, the smile gone from her face. “Okay. Please, rest your voice.”

Lilith took Nathan out to his favorite spot in the woods, but it still took three hours for him to stop crying. Both siblings returned to the finished house, which looked must the same as the old one but with light golden walls, exhausted and ready for a goof meal. Jacob pulled through with a cool pasta salad and peach cobbler for dessert. 

Lilith iced her throat after the twins were in bed, Nathan passing out almost immediately, and draped herself over the couch. Seeder was gone by then, toting a fussy Rue with her. 

“You should know that Kellan doesn’t want to talk to you. He’ll go to Brandon’s funeral but is considering moving out of Victors’ Village and to another District for work,” Killian informed Lilith. “He’s applied to several positions all over Panem as a farmer and is likely to be accepted - his mother will follow with Grace.

He blames me for Brandon’s death, Lilith guessed.  I won’t press him for anything. He can do what he likes. Where are Brandon’s ashes?

“On your bookshelf upstairs. Lilith, I think that since today has been so emotional you should just go to bed.” Mila squeezed her girlfriend’s hand. “We’re all tired. How about heading upstairs now?”

I could go with that, Lilith signed. She honestly didn’t have the mental energy to do much else other than sleep.

“Point taken. We’ll leave you two alone,” Jacob smiled. He and Killian left quietly and a scan of the kitchen showed that they had taken it upon themselves to do the dishes. 

Lilith and Mila drifted off together that night. They were free to love each other despite the constant misfortunes in their lives and would take every opportunity that they had to be together. 


	73. Chapter 68

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lilith and her family permanently lay Brandon to rest. 
> 
> It’s been a few more days than usual. Such is the craziness of the Christmas season.

__ _ “What are you doing?” Ursula demanded. Lilith looked up from where she was typing notes on her computer, raising an eyebrow. _ Two weeks had passed since the Hardys’ return from the Capitol and it was getting around the time that Brandon should be laid to rest.

Planning Brandon’s funeral, Lilith signed.  When is a good day for you?

“A good day for me?” Ursula shrieked. The three friends that she had over along with Nathan, playing nearby in the living room, jumped at the noise. “No day is a good day for me because  _ Brandon is alive _ ! He’s just sick!”

Lilith groaned, the jab of pain in her throat (which was healed as much as it could ever be now), reminding her not to.  I watched him die, Ursula. Saturday evenings are usually free for you.  She began to type, only to be held back by a small hand.

“No! You’re lying to me!” The little girl shook her head stubbornly. She’d been the main stall for weeks now, having reverted to her four-year-old attitude after Jay’s rejection. Lilith’s sympathy was running dry by this point.

“Brandon’s dead, Ursula, if you accept it you’ll be able to grieve!” Nathan said. He was dealing with his pain through activity like schoolwork or running. Lilith felt generous and allowed him to accompany her on runs for an easy mile or two, usually as a warm-up for workouts. He would manage with wisdom beyond his years.

“Come play!” One of Ursula’s friends urged. 

I’m stopping, see? Lilith opened up another document in front of Ursula, not mentioning that all she needed at this point was her sister to realize the truth. All of the death certificates were simple with a Hunger Games tribute and Brandon had owned no property or been married, so the necessary papers to sign consisted only of the death certifcate and confirmation that no one was to blame for Brandon’s demise.

_ Is this what the families of my victims had to sign? Or were the poorer ones denied the right to a funeral? Opal said that neither she or her family could read and hasn’t mentioned burying either of her sisters. Nicholas told me about the large funerals for Peter and Norman, so the Rockwells most likely signed these papers. _

__ Lilith shook herself out of that thought train. If she wasn’t going to plan a funeral, then she might as well figure out why the Snows targeted her. She opened up a document that couldn’t be accessed by the government and began to write down her thoughts- something that really helped her focus.

  * _Scenario 1: the Snows know that I’m a rebel and wanted to silence me_


  * Counter: I would have come back one night to find the twins dead


  * Counter: I would be dead, they can’t have someone of my popularity level and with as much access to information as I do reporting to District 13


  * Do they even know about District 13?


  * Counter: Jacob hasn’t come across any data leaks 


  * Counter: the Peacekeepers have been nothing but civil towards my family so far


  * Scenario 2: Jay turned me in


  * Counter: she knows that it would mean the deaths of all three remaining children


  * She does want the twins to be alive


  * Counter: she has just as much reason as I do to want to government to fall 


  * Counter: if she was going to turn me in, it would have been after our argument more than a year ago now


  * Scenario 3: Mila slipped up and gave us all away


  * Counter: she’s not that clumsy with her words


  * Counter: these punishments (Brandon, my voice) were targeted specifically at me, not her


  * She hasn’t been bothered by the Capitol lately



Lilith thought it over more during her ride that day (her throat hurt while exercising, but she wouldn’t hurt it more by running, riding, or swimming), but couldn’t figure out why she’d been punished so harshly or targeted for assassination in the first place. Killian caught up with her when she was approaching Victors’ Village during mile twenty-six. 

“We need to talk about Ursula,” he panted, clearly unused to the too-small bike he was riding. Lilith pulled over to the side of the road to reply, pausing her watch.

What about Ursula?

“She’s in denial,” Killian said.

I’m aware, Lilith replied with a raised eyebrow.

“She’s so in denial that she screamed at her friend when he said that he was sorry for Brandon’s loss. The kid is fine, but she did throw a rock at him. Mila had to interrupt her virtual lab to intervene and is being forced to start it over.” 

Lilith’s face twitched in a mixture of irritation and fury.  She threw a rock? Really?

“Yeah, and I don’t see why. She’s a smart little girl and should know what death means.” Killian frowned, stepping off of his bike as well to let a truck of Peacekeepers pass by. 

Ursula is seven, used to getting what she wants in the past few years, and Jay’s actions make it crystal clear that she doesn’t feel motherly towards Ursula. Lilith shrugged.  Nathan’s always been better at expressing himself in a healthy way. Ursula expects more from the world than he does and doesn’t like it when things don’t go her way.

“You’re much more emotionally intelligent than I am. I just thought that Ursula was being a brat,” Killian snorted. Lilith rolled her eyes.

She is a brat sometimes, but not in this case. Maybe I can show her what happened. 

“Show her the Hunger Games? That’s a bold move on your part,” Killian said.

It’s worth a shot and I need to introduce her to that level of gore eventually.  Lilith nodded, pleased to have a plan.  Now, I still have eight miles left to ride. Do you want to join me?

“Are you kidding? No, absolutely not.” Killian grinned. “I’ll tell Jacob to get a sugar-free smoothie going. Have fun!”

Lilith finished up her ride and took a shower. Ursula was deep into a board game with Nathan then, apparently calmed down from earlier, so her sister worked on a paper until the game was over.

Ursula? Can we speak before dinner? Lilith stared expectantly at the girl, who inched away from the game pieces guiltily.  You’re not in too much trouble.

“I don’t know why I threw the rock at Everett,” Ursula said sadly. “I just- he said that Brandon was dead and it’s not true. It  _ can’t  _ be true.”

Lilith grimaced, gently rubbing her sister’s arm.  It is true. Brandon won’t be coming back. He died in the Hunger Games. I can show you.

“It’s the only way that I’ll believe it.”

This is going to be bloody. The only good thing that I can say about his death is that it was quick.  Lilith stopped signing to open up her computer. Her hands shook as she pulled up the video. 

“That’s Gloss!” Ursula said as the camera zoomed over each tribute, spending a good ten seconds on District 1’s male. “And your tribute, Katrina.”

Very good. She did well.  Lilith smiled tightly. The tribute’s family had refused to keep contact with the Victor after an initial tense meeting, expected but still hurtful.  Pay attention.

Ten seconds. Twenty seconds. The camera was focused on Yorick, pale-faced, when Brandon stepped forward. Lilith looked away and Ursula gasped. She’d never seen any death like it, or at all. 

“That’s what happened? No!” 

It was one of the easiest deaths in the Games, Lilith admitted.  He wanted it to be clean and quick. It was. He stood no chance.

“Why? It isn’t fair!” Ursula cried. The total knowledge of Brandon’s demise would haunt her, but at least now she knew that Brandon was irretrievably gone. Tears streamed down her face for the first time since she’d heard the news, and they removed all of the bitterness that she held inside. 

No, it isn’t fair. But this is life,  Lilith told her sister.  You will eventually have to face it as an independent adult. Think of this as the beginning of your maturity to that point. 

Two days later, Kellan, Lilith, Nathan, and Ursula walked together through the bright fall woods. Kellan still hadn’t even looked at Lilith and would be leaving with his family the next day, but he had jumped at the invitation to attend his boyfriend’s funeral. Lilith might never see him again and this was a proper goodbye. Nathan and Ursula held their brother’s urn between them. Nathan shook silently while Ursula’s eyes were glossy. Lilith just felt anger at the people who decided that throwing her defenseless brother into an Arena full of bloodthirsty children was a good idea. The people who expected her to accept the murder and move on like nothing was missing from her life. The people who came up with the fucking Hunger Games in the first place. 

Brandon’s ashes, little as there were, floated away on the early evening wind. Lilith watched them as Nathan sobbed into her leg, letting her grief go with them. She’d failed her brother, yes, but she still had siblings left. They needed her to be on edge and there for them, and she couldn’t do that if she was hung up on the dead. Life would go on and she needed to ride with it. 


	74. Chapter 69

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> People leave and decisions are made.

_Something felt different about this year. Not the air, which was the same mild coolness as every fall, but there was tension among the people._ Mila was in school all day and barely had time to spend with Lilith. The older Victor didn’t blame her but Mila reacted with irritation to any interruption, snapping at Ursula and making her cry one afternoon. She refused to sleep more than four hours, times that interfered with Lilith’s schedule. They had to spend their nights in separate beds after a week. 

One night the third week, Mila showed up to Lilith’s office, rings deep under her eyes. “Hey.”

She returns from her cave,  Lilith smiled softly.  Do you want to get some sleep? 

“Yeah. That’s a good idea. I just- I got an email from the University. My time away from there is up.” The eighteen-year-old was obviously torn up over her next words. “I’ve managed to cut my time of study down to six months- a semester and a half- but I can’t finish it here.”

Lilith closed her computer. Her first reaction was of shock, but a moment of thought made her see sense, then guilt. Mila had given up the chance to receive the best medical education in Panem for her girlfriend, who might offer opportunities for experimentation but couldn’t teach her much else. Of course Lilith accepted that Mila needed to leave. You have my permission, obviously. Not that you need it.

“I just worry about what you’ll do alone,” Mila sighed, sliding down into a mostly clear chair. “And it was my year to train tributes, too. I do have permission from the Capitol, but it still creates a problem.

I need to learn how to handle myself without you. We can’t be together all the time. Besides, I can manage alone,  Lilith replied evenly.  I’m sure there is another Victor available to train District 2 tributes. 

“I know. These things are true. I just don’t want to leave you,” Mila said, dropping her head into her hands. “I have to leave tomorrow afternoon.”

Lilith stood, making her way over to the regretful Mila. She tapped her girlfriend to get her to pay attention.  You’ve been so generous lately, and I’m extremely grateful. But you need to go get a proper education in a hospital with more than one idiotic patient. You’re smart and wonderful and deserve the best option that you can get for your dreams. 

“I want to be a doctor. But I also love you more than anyone else in my life. How can I make that choice?” Mila shook with sobs now, most likely barely able to see Lilith’s signs. 

It’s six months, not forever. Love shouldn’t get in the way of everything,  Lilith responded.  So leave tomorrow with a clean conscience. 

Mila boarded a train for the Capital less than a day later, still upset but calmer about her decision. Ursula, who as a general rule avoided people like the 60th Victor that didn’t enjoy her energy, failed to show up, but Nathan bid Mila a fond goodbye. 

“Stay healthy. I’ll call as much as I can, alright? Love you.” Mila kissed Lilith moments before hopping on the train, waving fondly as the massive machine chugged away.

Lilith signed  I love you  using her pinkie, thumb and index finger. Her eyes filled with tears briefly before she turned to Nathan, smiling now. How about we play a game?

A rest day meant that Lilith could spend the afternoon with her siblings. They learned how to play Monopoly together and that took up five hours, with the oldest sister outwitting the younger twins and bringing them to the brink of bankruptcy quite a few times. In the end, her side of the board was covered with fake money and properties. She owned all but one monopoly, with Nathan having stubbornly mortgaged two properties in order to not give them to Lilith.

“Of course you’re good at this,” Ursula grumbled. Her usual bad loser attitude hadn’t made an appearance at all, except for with a few whines when Lilith had taken her hard-fought monopoly halfway through. 

Tactics is what I do,  Lilith smirked.  You couldn’t possibly have expected me to take it easy on you. Anyway, it’s time for dinner. 

The twins went to bed happily and obediently, leaving Lilith to finish a math worksheet. She needed to open her computer at one point in order to search up an equation that she’d been told to memorize months before and froze when she saw the emails showing on her screen.

_To:_ _lilith.hardy.victor@capitol.com_

_From:_ _administration@university.org_

_Miss Lilith Hardy,_

_It has come to our attention that you have been excelling in your classes and keeping up with your payments. Expected but still admirable. We at the University understand that you began at a much lower level than other Victors your age, understandable given your background, but we still feel that you would benefit from a more focused approach to your education._

_So we are giving you choices for a major, with a seven-year time limit to complete it. They are as follows:_

_Psychology_

_History_

_Biology of Animals_

_Chemistry_

_Comparative Literature_

_You have three days to make your decision. We hope to hear from you soon._

_Sincerely,_

_The Administration of the University at the Capitol_

Lilith stared at the email, her head cocked to the side. So the government wanted her to focus on a certain goal. Well, she could handle that. This was a warning sign for something, but her reaction here mattered too. The decision was made after just a minute of thought. As much as she enjoyed learning about history, choosing it as a major was dangerous and smacked of rebellion. Chemistry, Biology, and Comparative Literature weren’t nearly as interesting as Psychology. The subject fit with her personality and other interests. She would email the University back in half a day to make it seem like she’d put more thought into it. She opened the next email only slightly tense.

_To:_ _lilith.hardy.victor@capitol.com_

_From:_ _athletics@2university.org_

_Dear Miss Hardy,_

_This is Vianne Paulson from District 2. I work for the Training Center. As you are most likely aware, Mila Riverwill is not available to train possible tributes this year due to educational duties. You have been chosen as her replacement. The other trainer is Nicholas Rockwell._

_It might seem out of the blue for a Victor from District 11 to be chosen as a trainer, but you have proven your trustworthiness and skill. There will be a week of classes on how to deal with the students and a review of techniques, if necessary. That week starts tomorrow at 15:00._

_This is mandatory. You will be training possible tributes until the next Hunger Games, with two weeks of vacation. They have had other instructors but Victors know exactly what being in an Arena and existing as a celebrity in the Capitol is like. That knowledge is absolutely invaluable. A train will arrive at 09:00 tomorrow._

_You will be expected to continue racing, training for races, and getting your education throughout the next eleven months. The Riverwills have offered room and board in their domicile. You will accept this offer and come alone._

_See you tomorrow,_

_Vianne Paulson_

Lilith shut the computer the moment she finished reading. Emotions raced through her, making her shake in a combination of horror, fury, and disbelief. Why was she being punished so? She’d been careful and never said no to any client or given her position as a rebel away. The trembling began with a sob that burned her throat. 

“What’s wrong?” Nathan stood at the door, eyes bright with worry. Ursula appeared behind him, letting out an irritated, tired grunt. 

What are you two doing up?  Lilith demanded, fighting the devastation rushing through her body.

“We heard a thump,” Ursula said. Lilith looked to see her paperweight on the ground along the wall leading to the twins’ room. She’d thrown it in her fury. 

I’m sorry. I’ve just gotten some unexpected news.  Lilith smiled shakily, knowing that they wouldn’t take this well. I need to leave first thing tomorrow morning. Alone. For almost a year.

“What? Why?” Nathan asked. Ursula’s lower lip trembled.

To be honest, because the Capitol says so,  Lilith replied.  I would take you if I could. I promise. 

“I’m sure. It... this is so sudden,” Nathan said. Ursula gazed at Lilith accusingly, unusually quiet.

It’s very sudden,  Lilith agreed.  I need to pack now. How about you try to sleep? I’ll call as much as possible and will be able to briefly visit. 

“What will you be doing?” Ursula asked softly. “Why do you have to go now?”

My reasons are classified. This isn’t because I don’t love you, I swear,  Lilith told her sister, who just nodded.

“Okay. Sure.”

The absolutely betrayed look in Ursula’s eyes, her taut body, her clenched fists haunted Lilith through the next rushed hours, when she packed what seemed like her entire room into bags that Killian, Jacob, and Seeder generously loaded onto the train. They also offered to take care of the twins jointly to keep them out of Jay’s hands. Ursula accepted her sister’s hug stiffly, a complete contrast to Nathan, who was sobbing inconsolably and clung to Lilith after their goodbye hug was long over. 

Lilith took the train ride to break down, curled against the seat, refusing food. This would give her a chance to gather information on how the Career training worked, and the Riverwills’ house was debugged so she had the opportunity to share that with District 13 (overall a bad move from people who wanted to keep her away from rebel activity), but right now all she cared about was Ursula. Her sister didn’t forgive things like this easily, especially since she’d given no reason for leaving, and may never think of Lilith the same way again. The Capitol might have just taken yet another thing away from the Victor. 


	75. Chapter 69

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lilith arrives in District 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: homophobia and generally snobby behavior

_ Lilith knew her way around District 2, but she’d never seen the Academy before. This group of large, grand buildings included a specialized school and three separate gymnasiums. _ The Victor walked with Vianne Paulson at 15:00 the day of her arrival towards the biggest of the gyms.

“The Brahlson Gymnasium houses our weapons and heaviest weights along with a full obstacle course. It’s named after our most generous sponsor, decades ago now,” Vianne, a black-haired woman with light brown skin, beetle-dark eyes, and a slim form, said in her deep voice. “The one to the left of it, Mohl’s Center for the Creative Arts provides a space for local dancers and gymnasts, the best in Panem, to practice. They put on wonderful performances every few weeks that you should watch. The smallest gym is unnamed and public. You are free to use the treadmills, bikes, and pool for your training when you get the chance. As you know, there are plenty of trails, even up in the mountains. I would suggest bringing the trainees there on runs for exercise.”

“Would I be allowed to train with them? I could get my individual training in running-wise if I assigned workouts aimed at a triathlon to the trainees,” Lilith said evenly.

“Yes, sure. There are set skills that the trainees must learn when it comes to fighting and weapons, but not running. They need to be fit at the end of eleven months,” Vianne replied promptly. “Feel free to assign them your weight and core training. They intensively lift every Wednesday and Saturday, so the other days should challenge but not overwhelm them. No need to have heavy weights on the bar.”

Lilith nodded. So there was flexibility in this situation. “How many groups will I be training?”

“Two out of five. The youngest two groups only come in for an hour every other day, so you don’t need to bother with them, and there are almost twenty of them anyway. We’ve picked out who might be a candidate by age ten, which is the youngest you will have to deal with. Your morning session, on Wednesdays and Fridays, is made up of eight children from ten to thirteen. There is a group of thirteen-to-fifteen-year-olds who will be training with Hayley Washington at the same time and days. Now, the next group is also eight. The eight we at the Academy think could win the Hunger Games. Their ages depend on dedication and skill level. Paula Meroney is a part of the group and will not be chosen, as she’s fourteen, but shows much potential and was too advanced for Miss Washington’s group.”

“The afternoon session meets on Mondays, Tuesdays, and Thursdays, I presume?”

“Correct. They will train for three hours, from 14:00 to 17:00, and the morning session meets at 9:00 and ends at 11:00. This week, you will receive a crash course in training techniques and what to tell the trainees about Capitol life. My inferiors will take over from here, then you can settle in with the Riverwills.” Vianne’s dark eyes bore into Lilith’s head. “Here is a warning. You are entitled to a private life, but the Academy does not support homosexual relationships. Do not under any circumstances discuss your liaison with Mila Riverwill or Capitol women. In fact, do not discuss your sexual activities at all.”

“Understood.” Lilith dipped her head. “Thank you for the warning.”

“You get one chance to follow it. Now, let me show you around the Brahlson Gymnasium.”

Lilith heartily enjoyed the next week, defying all of her expectations. The Riverwills welcomed her with open arms and re-learning how to handle a plethora of weapons, being introduced to some in the case of slings, maces, and spears, took up mental energy that would otherwise be spent worrying over Ursula’s opinion of her sister. Teacher Carson adapted his lesson plans to reflect Lilith’s tight schedule and new focus, now officially a Psychology degree in seven years’ time, so as to not overload her with too much work while teaching her the necessary subjects. 

It helped that she got along well with Nicholas and they could trade off duties easily. Being busy always improved situations and Lilith only became nervous a few minutes before her first training session. She wore rather plain exercise clothes in preparation for easy distance and a light core workout which would include sparring practice. Nothing too exhausting for the first day. 

Eight teenagers shuffled into the training center right on time, all awake as it was the afternoon and in proper outfits for exercise. They stared at Lilith as they lined up. 

“What are you doing here?” The tallest girl demanded, her honey-blonde hair falling over her shoulders.

“I am your trainer for the year,” Lilith replied coolly. “I see that you are all in appropriate clothing for running. Good, because we are heading out right now.”

“On a run?” Another girl snorted. She was significantly less developed than anyone else in the room; this was most likely Paula Meroney. “Really?”

“Only five miles. A conversational pace.” Lilith smiled thinly. “There are running shoes in the changing room if you need them.”

“What gives you any authority over us?” This came from a wiry boy, in a curious tone.

“The Academy. Come along.” Lilith clenched her fist lightly to get her frustration out. The teenagers followed her outside slowly, still unsure of themselves. “To check if the pace is conversational, we will go through introductions as we run.”

Lilith went out at a moderately easy pace, satisfied to see that most of the teenagers settled right in, the two complainers among them. “So. My name is Lilith Hardy, as you all most likely know. I am the 61st Victor from District 11. I am nineteen years old.”

The curious boy went next. “I’m Martin Chiles, seventeen.”

The other three boys were named Jakob Neimuth, Ashton Oppenheimer, and Rylan Jericho. They were all sixteen, Ashton just barely. 

The tallest girl proved herself the leader of the four, introducing them herself. “I’m Selma Díaz. I’m seventeen. The small one is Paula Meroney- I’m not exactly sure what she’s doing here, she’s only fourteen. Chantelle and Heidi are twins, last name Quill, both eighteen.” The twins were identical, with ice-blue eyes and blonde hair. Their running form was impeccable in sharp contrast to Selma’s, who dragged her feet and didn’t lift her knees but kept up with the others just fine. She must be one that got by on natural talent alone, a fact that already knocked her out of the running as a tribute. There was no place for laziness in the Arena.

“What made you come here? Your girlfriend?” Selma sneered at Lilith, who showed no reaction. The girl was desperate for attention to make up for something she felt was wrong with her inside. 

“What, Mila Riverwill? Aren’t they just friends?” Jakob asked.

“We are very close friends, nothing more. Technically, I’m here because she is at the University finishing her medical degree, so yes, you’re right, Selma,” Lilith said mildly. 

“Medical degree? How old is she?” Rylan said, slightly out of breath.

“Only eighteen! She’s been training to be a doctor since she was seven and managed to fit the classes in around training,” Paula grinned. “She’s my favorite Victor. Super nice, too.”

“I agree. Anyway, I am here now and you have to listen to me,” Lilith told Selma.  “I don’t like you, though,” Selma groaned.

“That is irrelevant. I am your teacher, do you all understand? Not your friend. I was chosen because I’ve been through the Hunger Games and know how to prepare others for it. I also know how to teach weaponry and fighting.”

“You’re a rebel, though! I’ve heard rumors!” Selma protested. Her voice was getting weaker, though, and the pace remained the same. She wasn’t brave enough to truly defy Lilith.

“If I were a rebel, I would be in jail or dead, not training Hunger Games tributes,” Lilith countered. “Are you done?”

Selma proved to be a problem over the next months, leading the rest of the teenagers in a slight rebellion against Lilith’s authority. The twins followed her unquestioningly, trying to stay out of the spotlight, but Paula seemed uncomfortable with the jeers and insults. Another year would give her the confidence to make her own way in training. The boys just didn’t feel like countering Selma, and Rylan trained in a haze of distraction. Something else was going on with him. 

The teenagers all worked well and showed promise, even Selma, and Paula kept up just fine with kids two years older than her. Martin stood out as a passionate, dedicated fighter who wanted very much to win the Hunger Games. He would be the next male tribute from District 2 barring disaster. The girls were more complicated: none were particularly standout with the exception of Paula, who wouldn’t be chosen unless the Capitol wanted another District to win. It would take more months to determine the next tribute.

The younger group gave Lilith a much easier time than the teenagers. Thirteen-year-old Hunter Rockwell, who really liked the Victor, was the unquestionable leader and fought better than a few of the teenagers. He also wanted to enter the Hunger Games, odd considering that he’d watched his two brothers die in the Arena a year apart. The most talented girl, Haley Larch, was only eleven and a really funny kid. No drama other than schoolyard crushes passed through the morning training session. Lilith didn’t need to work as hard because the skill level was so much lower than with the teens in every sense except sparring. 

With a full schedule (she still needed to bike and run in between class and training even if she only ran and did core with the teens), Lilith had little time to see her family. Mila was just as busy and they only saw each other every few weeks, which probably helped their relationship. The strain was gone from their conversations. Speaking of bad relationships, Ursula refused to visit her sister over video calls even when Nathan showed up every time. It hurt, but Lilith knew that her little sister needed time. It was just another challenge to work through. She refused to bow to the Capitol’s tyranny and torture. She had more data to upload into her computer every night and more fire in her soul to take down the government. She gained some weight over mandatory family dinners that cemented her bond to the Riverwills. That felt good for the first time in over a year. 

Lilith would resist the urge to give up on her rebellion as long as she had to. She wasn’t out of the Hunger Games yet. 


	76. Chapter 70

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lilith visits a trainee’s family.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: homophobia, transphobia

_ Seven teenagers shuffled into training one morning, muttering among themselves. Lilith scanned the group and determined easily that Rylan was missing.  _ That in itself wasn’t unusual; a stomach bug had gone around the school the month before, infecting all of the boys and the twins. Lilith had missed two days for a race earlier on in the year plus a full week after Carson had brought the stomach flu home. 

“Is Rylan absent today?” Lilith asked simply. The giggle that Selma produced hinted that something other than illness was going on.

“Yeah. He’s in trouble!” Selma grinned. “His parents grounded him.”

“Well, his parents have not let the Academy know that. That isn’t important right now. Today, we will start with battle training.” Lilith gestured at the large mat, which was usually covered with punching bags but clear now. “Pair up by size and get pads on. Paula, you’re with me. Practice long-range attacks. Runs, high kicks, leaps. Work on your power if that’s an issue for you. Don’t worry too much about form, you will be fighting against opponents who are completely unprepared and have a massive advantage over them.”

Chantelle and Heidi matched up, only separated by a centimeter. Selma and Jakob were close enough in height to make a pair, as with Ashton and Martin. Paula faced Lilith, her eyes much less bright than usual. Lilith spotted a mistake in her armor right away.

“Your left side is entirely uncovered. Fix it.” Lilith had become used to barking out orders, keeping up a mask of cold command. It was the only way that the teenagers would obey her and overlook the fact that she couldn’t teach them much about long-range weapons other than knives. 

Paula scrambled off the floor, getting in the way of Martin’s leap. She took almost five minutes to attach the pad to her side. “Sorry,” she murmured after skittering back in front of an unimpressed Lilith. 

“Just get moving,” Lilith snapped, and lunged for the girl. Paula ducked away rather clumsily, shoving forward. The Victor blocked her blow easily.

Paula was normally focused and powerful, but Lilith put many more hits on her than she took. She also missed the knife target ten times, breaking her streak of accuracy. This caused sniggers from the unusually quiet Selma, sniggers that Lilith hushed impatiently. Every trainee was allowed one off day every so often. 

Lilith dropped back to speak with Paula during the run, a four-mile tempo today. “You’re off your game today,” she hissed out. Her heart rate was up, as it should be for this type of workout. “Could it have anything to do with Rylan’s absence?”

Paula gave herself away with a dropped jaw before she spoke. “No, I’m just a little tired.”

“That isn’t an excuse for you. Nor me. You’re a bad liar, Paula,” Lilith said stonily. 

Paula took in a deep breath. “Well... fine. There are rumors spreading around school that Rylan is queer and his parents are punishing him for it.”

“Queer in what way?” Lilith quizzed.

“Like... he thinks that he’s a girl. Transgender. I would be okay with it, but his family isn’t, and I’m worried for Rylan’s safety,” Paula confided. Lilith raised an eyebrow. 

“Interesting. Thank you for telling me.” 

“That’s all you have to say? Really?” Paula demanded. Lilith turned back to the girl.

“What else do you expect from me?”

Paula worked to find an answer, her jaw opening and closing mutely. Lilith left her to catch up with the pack and went to the front again. The moment practice ended, with Paula dawdling, she headed right back to the Riverwills’ and changed into a decent outfit. The Jerichos might be able to give her the full story. 

Lilith had known that Rylan was rich, but seeing his house cemented that impression. It was double the size of any building in Victors’ Village and the windowsills were lined with gold. Eight cars, shining with wax, sat in the driveway, making the Riverwills’ steady green vehicle seem small and pathetic. The Victor hesitated before knocking on the door. 

Ochre Jericho, a short, dark woman, opened the door and blinked in surprise to see Lilith Hardy at her house. “Hello!”

Lilith smiled thinly. “Hello. I’m sorry to barge in like this, but Rylan didn’t show up for training today and you gave no indication of why. Another trainee indicated that it might be because of his gender identity.”

Ochre sighed. “I thought that someone from the Academy might show up. Please, come in.” Lilith entered a beautifully decorated house covered with photos of a stiffly smiling family and natural scenes. 

“Germaine! Come down, we have a visitor!” Ochre called up the stairs. Her vast, strong husband appeared at the top of the silver staircase. 

“Well! Long time no see!” He and Lilith had both completed in a triathlon recently, the man finishing only a minute ahead of the Victor, who’d been very pleased with her performance. “Would you like something to drink or eat?”

“What do you have to eat?” Lilith asked. Her stomach felt like an empty hole after training. “Just water is fine for a drink, thank you.”

“No alcohol? We have wonderful white wine,” Ochre offered. 

“That’s so nice of you, but I have no taste for alcohol,” Lilith said. “The nicest wine is foul to me because I am so unused to it.”

“That’s a shame. Oh well.” Germaine smiled blandly, standing beside his wife now. “Ivan!” He called sharply. A pale, young Avox appeared from the kitchen. “Fetch our guest early evening sandwiches and ice water.”

“Come sit down,” Ochre said, gesturing to the grand living room. Lilith walked over to a plush silver velvet couch and sat delicately. 

“You have a really lovely house,” Lilith said. Germaine replied with a smirk of real pride. “Glamourous but stylish. Not overcrowded with belongings like some houses in the Capitol, which have a different feel.”

“You would know, wouldn’t you? Yes, we feel that less is more when it comes to style.” Ochre took the tray from Ivan and brushed the Avox away. “Here, have some food. You must be hungry after training for so long. I’m a member of the Academy board and have heard rave reviews about your performance so far.”

“I’m glad to hear it.” Lilith paused for a moment to chew on a delicious sandwich and think over her next question. She scanned the area: there were cameras tracking her every move and plenty of hidden microphones. “I have been enjoying myself and have no objections to the job, but I can’t help wondering why I was chosen for this position. I know little of the history of Career training but doubt that many outsiders have been brought in before.”

“Of course you’re curious,” Germaine said almost to himself. “I have the answer. The Academy felt that with the exception of Paula Meroney, who is not ready to be a tribute this year no matter how she performs, this group of older girls doesn’t have a chance of winning. They don’t work hard enough or have much passion for the Hunger Games. Young Haley Larch would fare better in that sense. They needed a trainer who would challenge them to do better.”

“Mila Riverwill could have been that breath of fresh air, but she had to complete her education, as you probably know. Perfectly reasonable.” A tense look flashed over Ochre’s face, signaling that she was fully aware of Lilith and Mila’s relationship. And homophobic. “So the decision was made that you shouls be brought in. Talented, historic, and loyal through several tests. The decision has been paying off so far.”

Lilith squeezed her hands together to keep from screaming in victorious joy. The Capitol didn’t doubt her loyalty anymore. Yes, the phrase was most likely a test, but Ochre wouldn’t be so blunt with Lilith if her words weren’t true. Her voice came out only somewhat shakily. “Thank you for telling me. I am quite pleased that the Academy approves of my actions so far. Along those lines, I prefer to have all of my trainees show up to practice if they aren’t sick, traveling, or injured. Rylan was absent today and I got no indication that he would be from you two. Is there a particular reason for that?”

“The trainee was correct. Rumors spread around school that our son thinks that he’s a girl, and he’s been distracted lately. You must have noticed.” Germaine’s tone turned venomous now.

“Nothing too horrible, but he is very quiet in training, yes,” Lilith replied. 

“We confronted him yesterday over dinner, and Rylan didn’t even try to deny his sickness. He’s in his room now and we will be sending him to the hospital soon.”

Lilith swallowed her horror and fury with a sip of water. “Well, I have no right to stop you from punishing Rylan however you see fit, but he must show up to training unless you submit an official release form.”

“You’re right. Thank you for the reminder.” Ochre’s face twisted in a failed attempt at a smile. “Well, it’s getting late and I must prepare dinner. It was nice of you to visit.” The Jerichos ushered Lilith out, probably upset over the reminder of their daughter’s “sickness” than anything the Victor had done, and left her in the darkening evening. 

What was it with homophobic parents? Lilith shook her head as she drove back to the Riverwills’. She could do nothing to help Rylan, short of asking District 13 to take her, which would give her position as a rebel away completely. The kid would have to deal with this on her own. 

Carson Riverwill, fourteen now and taller than everyone in his family but his father, must have noticed Lilith’s distraction over dinner, because he followed her as she left the table to bed after a short game of cards. 

“You go to bed early,” he said from the doorway. Lilith looked up from her desk.

“I’m getting up to bike in the mountains before dawn tomorrow and I still have work left to do. You could help, actually, it’s on the chemistry of a human brain.” 

Since Carson was four years ahead of his age in classes and Lilith four years behind, they helped each other with work often. They were both on a specific career path, with Carson dedicated to becoming a marine scientist, guaranteed to be safe from the Hunger Games unlike his already-training brothers. Mila was working behind the scenes to keep Pietr and Oliver out of the tribute pool. His calm, intelligent presence was a light in otherwise lonely times for Lilith. She felt lucky to have such an ally despite everything going on. 


	77. Chapter 71

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lilith faces a test of loyalty.
> 
> Disclaimer: I have never held or used a spear in my life, so I apologize if Lilith’s explanation of how to throw a spear is inaccurate.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: cursing, homophobia, child abuse and parenting that rivals Jay’s

_ “Hunter, move your thumb,” Lilith instructed. Hunter Rockwell, bright-eyed early on in the day, nodded eagerly.  _ He usually excelled at weapons but hadn’t yet grown into his lanky limbs and wiry strength.

“Lilith, tell Jack that he’s holding the spear wrong!” Haley called. She herself held the spear in a loose fist. 

“Did none of you listen to me earlier? Gather around.” Lilith gestured for the young trainees to drop their weapons and look at her. “The grip should be a secure fist, with your thumb on the right side of the spear. Crouch and run forward before throwing with a smooth movement. Like a paintbrush through the air.” Lilith’s spear landed about fifteen feet away, falling flat. “As you can see, I’m nothing like Gloss, who killed a tribute from what must have been a hundred meters away. My expertise lies in smaller weapons.”

“I think I’m like that,” Hunter said glumly. 

“Not necessarily. Your brothers all turned out to be rather big and muscled, didn’t they?” Lilith knew that the boy enjoyed hearing about Peter and Norman. Oddly enough, he didn’t blame Lilith for killing Norman, something she was very grateful for. “Anyway, accurate and powerful spear throwing requires more years of training. This is about getting the basics.”

Movement in the doorway caused Lilith to look over. A muscled, squat figure shuffled into the gym, recognizable by his green sweatshirt as Rylan. “This is a private lesson,” Lilith told her.

“You have to help me. Besides, this is my training room too,” Rylan shot back. Lilith glanced at the staring kids and walked towards Rylan, slightly panicked now, her tone steely.

“You are interrupting a lesson. Leave.”

Rylan’s eyes widened at the somehow-unexpected rejection. “But I need your help!”

“I am busy. Go!” Lilith almost shouted this, swiping with the spear in her hand, unable to hide her wince at the strain on her throat. Rylan backed off. So she was afraid of the Victor when she threatened violence, like most people.

“Who was that?” Sloane Raçk asked after Rylan fled. 

“The kid in the older group who thinks he’s a girl,” Haley scoffed. “Why would he need your help, Lilith?”

“I don’t know. Shall we continue?” Lilith could feel the strain in her smile as she turned back to the kids. 

The great thing about younger children is that they don’t stay on one topic for long. Soon the conversation shifted to the upcoming holiday, Christmas.

“It’ll be great! Since school’s out and there’s no training, my family is going to District 4,” Hunter said as he threw a knife relatively accurately into a target. “We go every year.”

“Oh, cool! My sister’s at the University and promised to pick me up so we can spend one-on-one time in the Capitol,” Haley added. “I’ve never been. What’s it like, Lilith?”

Lilith considered her answer. “Varied, I would say. There are many shops mixed with large buildings, and the people are really colorful. Pack fancy outfits.”

“I’ve heard that the people there don’t like District citizens,” Sloane put in.

“Some, maybe, but you’ll do fine, Haley,” Lilith told the girl. “Most are friendly. Besides, District 2 has a different reputation than District 11. You live much more like Captitol citizens, from what I’ve seen.” She tended to relax more around the younger group because of their friendliness, taking it much easier on them physically and verbally. 

“What are you doing for Christmas? Have you gotten presents for your family?” Fred Rotich quizzed. 

“I don’t celebrate Christmas, but I will be going home for a few days,” Lilith responded.

“Is Christmas not a thing in District 11?” Hunter asked curiously. “I’m friends with one of the mayors’ daughters and she celebrates it.”

“Mayor Heavensbee is from the Capitol, so it makes sense,” Lilith replied realistically. “But Christmas isn’t celebrated in my region, at least among the workers and Victors that I know.”

“That’s weird,” Fred murmured. The conversation tapered off then because training still had to be done, and the time passed quickly.

Lilith let the kids out of training a few minutes early because they’d finished all their tasks and she really needed lunch even after a big breakfast and several snacks. A ride and swim, plus rising at 3:30 AM to fit everything in, led to exhaustion and hunger as usual. Luckily, the Academy offered excellent and healthy food through three restaurants, a dining hall, and a café that were free for trainers. Such was the privilege of Victors, even ones forced away from home.

The Victor noticed Rylan right away. The teenager sat under a tree, staring at the passing world with frantic eyes. She immediately waved and jumped up, racing towards Lilith.

“What are you still doing here?” Lilith normally would have hissed out the words, but she knew from experience that the action caused a massive spike of pain in her throat. The phrase came out flat and with no heat as a result, something that Rylan took as encouragement. 

“I need your help, I’ve told you five times!” Up close, Rylan looked truly terrible. Her cheeks were sunken and the sweatshirt that usually fit her hung loosely, showing signs of starvation. The dark bruise on her otherwise pale cheek told Lilith all she needed to know about the Jerichos’ shitty parenting and why Rylan had fled the house.

“I have been clear that I don’t have the authority to help you,” Lilith said. “Are you limping?”

“I dropped three stories to get out of the house last night. My ankle’s probably broken.” Rylan shifted her weight, left foot above the ground just slightly. “I’d normally get medical help, but not this time.”

“No, your parents intend to get you some that you don’t agree with,” Lilith said. “Well, I don’t know how to set a broken bone.” She glanced around nervously, seeing that a couple passing by gave her and Rylan odd looks. 

“Mila Riverwill’s good at medical stuff. She can help me!” Rylan insisted.

“You should choose another word other than ‘help,’” Lilith said tartly. “It doesn’t show your education to repeat yourself so often.”

“I don’t fucking care. Anyway, I know that you’re queer- I also know that you can’t say it because the Academy is really fucking homophobic- and an ally to others. So I’m begging you: take me in. My parents want to hurt me and lock me up like an insane person just because I don’t fit with their idea of what I should be. People don’t come back the same from the mental hospital, not at all.” Rylan’s voice cracked with desperation. She somehow wasn’t crying, though.

Lilith’s entire soul ached to help the poor girl, but she’d just gotten off thin ice with the Capitol and one brother was already dead in the Arena. She forced her tone to be steely. “I don’t know what you’re talking about. All I can do is use your correct pronuns during training, if you do continue with the class. Return home because your parents know best.” She showed Rylan the knife tucked in her sleeve. “Now, I am going to lunch. I am quite adept with a knife, as you should know by now, and I will use it if you follow. Goodbye, Rylan.”

It took all of Lilith’s self-control to walk away with a semblance of calm. Rylan’s sob of disbelief and fury almost made her turn around, but she held firm by thinking of her remaining siblings. They needed her alive more than Rylan needed her to take a risk. 

Lilith struggled through lunch and work on an essay. She was so unfocused that a tap from behind by Eveline Callaghan, a gifted student headed to the University in a few months despite being only sixteen, who dined at this hour and had become friends with Lilith, made the Victor jump. 

“Sorry!” The girl said. “You don’t look so good today.”

“I got up early,” Lilith demurred. “I’m just tired and this essay is coming along a little slower than expected.”

“Could it have anything to do with the kid who threatened you earlier? He’s your runaway fag trainee, right?” Eveline’s lips turned up in disgust. District 2 Victors tended to be much less bigoted than the people, Lilith found; the implicit acceptance of all sexualities and gender identities in the Capitol opened many eyes.

“I threatened Rylan. He wanted me to sabotage myself,” Lilith snorted in fake lightness. “He knows that I could kill him in seconds if I wanted.”

“You should let the Academy know that you saw him. There’s a serious search on,” Eveline said. 

“I’ll send an email right now,” Lilith said rather suddenly. She trembled slightly as she opened up her official, watched email. Every word she typed was a betrayal of herself and the queer community, not to mention Rylan, but this was helping keep her family alive. The consequences for Rylan, no matter how harsh, were all worth it if it proved her loyalty to the Snows and their horrifying reign. 


	78. Chapter 72

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lilith runs a race and goes back to District 11.

_ Lilith had the feeling that she’d just done something immoral and completely wrong, but she had little time to think it over. She held a training session for each group every day until the holiday break, when she raced in her second-ever triathlon.  _ It was held in the beautiful District 4, which held model facilities for any sport that anyone could think of. 

Lilith’s status as a trainer at the Panem-wide Academy gave her free access to anywhere she wanted, something Eveline knew very well. The girl, whose parents were seemingly unaware of their daughter’s activities, convinced Lilith to take her at least for the race. 

Eveline, it was becoming clear from her constant questions and odd interest in Lilith, along with a heartily denied and luckily fruitless search of her computer (blocked to all but those with a specialized password only Lilith knew), had been placed by the Academy to watch the Victor if she wasn’t a spy for the federal government. So writing that email had been a fortunate choice in one aspect. Still, she offered some form of companionship and served as a reminder for Lilith not to lose control of her words and actions. 

Wandering around District 4 proved entertaining. Lilith discovered the existence of many sports, such as diving and weightlifting, happy to see that the sports community seemed accepting and open to new entrants. 

So it was only a little bit of a surprise when several of the competitors in the starting area of the triathlon gestured Lilith over to their group. The Victor eyed them, recognizing athletes who had competed in her first triathlon. Germaine Jericho was among them.

“I just keep running into you!” Germaine said cheerfully. Lilith took his offered hand somewhat hesitantly, feeling the hatred for a man who could abuse his own child rise up in her. “I want to thank you for the tip a few days ago. Rylan hasn’t been found yet, but still, I really appreciate it.”

“I hope that Rylan gets back to people who care soon,” Lilith managed. If she could figure out where the girl was, District 13 soldiers could pull her out. 

“Let’s not talk about this right now. Lilith, these are my friends,” Germaine said expansively. The Victor didn’t take in the names and wormed her way out of the conversation with the excuse that she usually prepared with some caffeine, which was technically true. It was still a race, after all.

Lilith put all of her pent-up aggression into her swim. There was only one group of starters so the field spread out almost immediately, with Lilith moving along steadily about twenty yards off the fastest man. Only one woman was ahead of her, one who would fade on the ride. 

Transitions tended to be a struggle in training, but today Lilith managed to get it done effectively. Her ride felt comfortable at first and she tagged along the second group, latching onto Germaine’s wheel. She wasn’t concerned with the ten men who were far and away the best triathletes in Panem, already separated from the rest of the pack by five minutes eight kilometers in the ride. Her goal was to not be lapped twice on the three-loop, thirty-kilometer biking course. The burning in her legs by kilometer twenty, the moment the top group passed her and the other riders going her pace, could be ignored.

At least until the run. Ten kilometers, all out. Lilith set a record for her transition, practically shoving her eight-month-old road bike into its designated slot. She tied her running shoes tight and scarfed down a caffeine shot and water before starting off, curling around Germaine and a few other men. They dropped off her pace and she was left with three older men who simply nodded briefly at her, lost in their own worlds. The little group caught up with one of the faster swimmers and bikers quickly, limping his way down the road with an obvious injury. He would finish but pay for it with many weeks of rest. 

Lilith only got through the last three kilometers because another athlete managed to stay with her. They sprinted it in together, him coming in just two seconds before her, the ninth and tenth athletes to cross the finish line. Lilith clocked the fifth-quickest 10k time of the day with 34:47. 

All Lilith wanted after going through the race was to collapse on her bed at the hotel with a big meal, but she had responsibilities first. She ducked away from the press in time to avoid an interview, luckily, and changed into comfortable clothes in the nearest bathroom. Bag in hand, she called a taxi to the plush hotel the Academy had housed her and Eveline in. She sensed that something was wrong right away. 

The bag that had held Lilith’s computer lay open by her bedside. Eveline sat at the communal desk, leaned oddly over a device that most likely wasn’t hers. Lilith propped herself against the door, waiting for Eveline to make the first move. The girl realized she was there after two minutes, and the tension that filled her face made it useless to even ask what she was doing.

“So you were sent to spy on me,” Lilith said lightly. “Finding anything?”

Eveline shook her head. “No. Not even hidden buttons, and I’m a tech expert.

_ So are District 13’s people, _ Lilith thought as she simply stated, “I thought so.” To access rebel data in the computer, a person had to type  _ the end must be coming  _ while holding Control, then enter the password that only Lilith knew into the box that would pop up. Eveline could click around all she wanted and find absolutely nothing incriminating.

“I guess- I’m sorry. But the Academy told me to watch you and I’m just trying to do my job,” Eveline said apologetically. The legitimate feeling did nothing to soften Lilith, who let some of her anger fall through in a harsh tone and aggressive body language. This was an appropriate situation to use it. 

“Your apology is useless. Look, I enjoy being in District 2, but everyone needs people that care about them, right? Without Mila- my girlfriend, which does not make me a rebel, just gay- or the twins, I’ve been relying on the Riverwill sons and  _ you  _ to provide that support. I figured you out weeks ago, but I’m still betrayed. My loyalty to the Capitol is absolute. Tell the Academy that, won’t you? Now, I expect that you’ll be on the next train back to District 2. I will escort you there but then we’re done. Don’t speak to me again.”

“Oh, come on! You can’t just abandon me like this,” Eveline argued. She tried to resist when Lilith approached to take the computer, stepping slowly and menacingly, but the Victor sent her one dark look and she handed it over. 

“I am not abandoning you. Your parents will be at the station, or one of their workers, and you can stay here until the train arrives.” Lilith packed her computer away in its bag, gritting her teeth to keep from throttling Eveline when the girl protested again. 

“I don’t believe that you’re not a rebel. Why would you want to help Rylan Jericho otherwise?” Eveline challenged. 

“I won’t deny that. As a queer child of a mother who is extremely homophobic and a drunkard, abusive father, I sympathize with her situation. However, I want her-”

“Rylan Jericho is a  _ boy _ ! Don’t say she!” Eveline jumped up, shouting now. 

“Rylan is female. Her sex is male but she identifies as a girl. I was going to say that want her to be with adults who will take care of her, and being on her own is dangerous, so I did tip off the Academy that she showed up to training,” Lilith snapped. “This conversation isn’t about Rylan. Do you have any concrete proof that I am a rebel?”

Eveline paused, then realized what her silence meant. She slumped and fell into a silence that lasted the four hours it took to get her a train ticket and on her way back to District 2. A very sore yet privately victorious Lilith boarded a train headed for District 11 after a long night of rest and her first dessert in weeks with a group of fellow triathletes. She would be missing the lack of Eveline’s friendship soon, but it was better to be lonely than watched by a supposed friend. 

Mila called briefly. The now-nineteen-year-old Victor was truly enjoying her time at the University hospital, getting vital hands-on experiences. She wouldn’t be returning home for the holidays but looked forward to finishing her studies in April of the next year. The conversation calmed Lilith down from Eveline’s (unsurprising) betrayal and prepared her for arrival in her birth District that was becoming foreign quickly. Seeder, Killian, Jacob, Ursula, and Nathan stood together at the station, bundled against the bitter cold and driving snow. Lilith missed District 2’s milder winter already; she’d been able to complete the triathlon in a short-sleeved wetsuit that was also appropriate for running and biking. 

“There she is!” Killian lifted Lilith off her feet with his hug. He was drunk, and when Jacob greeted the young Victor, the glance he gave Killian told of trouble between them. 

Seeder’s hello was much more tame and her smile was filled with real warmth. “How’s District 2?”

“Warmer,” Lilith responded tartly. She turned to the twins, smiling widely. Nathan ran right up to her joyfully and jumped into his sister’s arms. 

“You’re here! I’ve missed you so much!” The boy cried. Ursula stared at the scene, eyes taking in everything. She was already much like Lilith even if she didn’t want to be- they seemed to share the same interest in others around them. Caution would come with time.

“I did too. Thank you for staying up at nights to talk to me!” Lilith said brightly. She looked at Ursula with a mix of amusement and apology. “I didn’t mean for that to be passive-aggressive. Have you grown?”

“We both have,” Ursula said matter-of-factly. “I’ve grown twenty centimeters and Nathan seventeen.”

“Such change in a short time.” Lilith placed Nathan down and switched to signing, glad to get the rest on her throat.  My arms are tired and I am quite hungry. How about we all have dinner?

The glimmer of happiness in her sister’s eyes gave Lilith hope for their relationship. She wouldn’t give it up without a fight. 


	79. Chapter 73

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lilith dreams. 
> 
> Disclaimer: I don’t own “The Hanging Tree.” The song is the property of Suzanne Collins.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: gore and mental illness

_ The sound of brittle branches interrupted Lilith’s rest that night. She thought that was odd because her room didn’t have trees in it, so she opened her eyes. _ “Shit!” She gasped, immediately taking in her surroundings.

Lilith was back in the Arena, and it was pitch black. She lay below the tree where a mutt’s bite had forced an emergency arm amputation, where no one had found her over two days of unconsciousness. She thought it would be best to leave as soon as possible. 

Lilith’s bare foot caught on a root as she tried to stand. That hadn’t been there the first time. She brushed it off and headed for the Cornucopia, wondering if she would run into the injured versions of her victims. She was dreaming, she knew, the type of dream that would end on its own accord. 

Nothing happened while Lilith wandered around the Cornucopia and into the forest again. She’d already made it through this before, with others who wanted to kill her; she could survive in a dream where death was physically impossible. She felt no fear of the night, as it had provided comfort during the actual Hunger Games and time to build her traps. 

“You should be afraid,” an unfamiliar voice said from behind. Lilith whipped around, regretting that the knife she slept with her hand resting on hadn’t come with her in the dream. Her jaw dropped when she realized that Brandon had spoken. 

“You can’t be my brother. He never spoke a day in his life,” Lilith managed. She let herself lose control of her emotions a bit; this was the best place to do it, in her head. She knew full well that constantly keeping her feelings at bay was unhealthy.

“Why can’t I be? This is a dream, after all.” Nightmare Brandon smirked in a way that the real boy would have. Lilith felt a tear slip down her face at the reminder of her brother.

“What am I supposed to say? That I should have given up on getting help? How was I to know that the Capitol expected me to die?” Lilith had gone through many arguments with herself mentally, debating whether she was at fault for Brandon’s death.

“Why else would someone attack you at night?” Nightmare Brandon challenged.

“I wasn’t thinking of that. I was thinking of my family. Of  _ you _ . I needed to survive for  _ you _ .” Lilith’s voice shook as she shifted her feet. Her frown deepened when she became aware of somethingholding her down. “The roots,” she realized, then winced at a familiar pain in her throat. 

“The roots. They want you to listen,” Nightmare Brandon grinned. Lilith tensed, taking in that roots had wrapped themselves around her feet, up to her shins. They were growing as she watched. “I want you to listen. We’re telling the truth.”

“We?” Lilith demanded, her breathing become more and more labored with every moment that passed. The roots grew quicker then, sending her crashing down and pinning her to the ground, her pajamas staining with icy dirt. She felt the cold for the first time as roots snaked around her body, pinning her completely and latching around her now-painful throat. They didn’t pull, just forced her head into an odd position with their proximity. 

“We,” Rylan Jericho said. She stepped out of the shadows, wearing the same clothes as the last time Lilith had seen her and still just as wounded. “I’m here too. You abandoned me, remember?”

“I was thinking of my family’s safety!” Lilith tried to shout, but all that came out was a pained grunt. Not only was there a root around her throat, the appendage itself was also swollen.

“You left me out in the cold with a broken ankle. I hadn’t eaten in days! And you knew all that, but you still turned away.” Rylan approached the prone and struggling Lilith purposefully, joining Nightmare Brandon. The latter’s hand hung off of him, connected only by a string of nerves. Part of his side lay bare. 

“You survived and I died. Is that fair to you? Or did you figure that your life was more valuable than mine?” Nightmare Brandon taunted. Lilith began to truly panic then as she helplessly watched her brother fall apart piece by piece.

“You left Ursula and Nathan with Jay! How dare you let that woman poison their minds?” The right hand fell off, the left not far behind. 

“You betrayed all queer Panem citizens by leaving me behind!” Rylan spoke, but Lilith focused on Nightmare Brandon, who was only standing on one leg by now. Bits of him lay in his path, staining the ground red. 

“You don’t deserve Mila’s love. She should leave you!” Nightmare Brandon crumpled, his legs and arms stumps, but he still moved towards his hyperventilating sister even as a chunk of his side broke free, revealing all that was inside him. Rylan only smirked at the scene. 

No. This couldn’t be happening. The roots tightened their grip around Lilith as the teenagers’ words echoed around her head, pulling her down into the dirt with a sharp tug. She tried to scream, but dirt filled her mouth. It took a gut-wrenching minute for the Victor’s heart to stop.

Lucy Gray’s voice filtered through the dying young woman’s mind. It replaced all the hatred she piled on herself. The only coping technique that really worked on her. 

_ Are you, are you _

_ Coming to the tree? _

_ They strung up a man _

_ They say who murdered three _

_ Strange things did happen here, no stranger would it be _

_ If we met at midnight in the hanging tree _

_ Are you, are you _

_ Coming to the tree? _

_ Where dead man called out _

_ For his love to flee _

_ Strange things did happen here, no stranger would it be _

_ If we met at midnight in the hanging tree _

_ Are you, are you _

_ Coming to the tree? _

_ Where I told you to run _

_ So we'd both be free _

_ Strange things did happen here, no stranger would it be _

_ If we met at midnight in the hanging tree _

_ Are you, are you _

_ Coming to the tree? _

_ Wear a necklace of hope _

_ Side by side with me _

_ Strange things did happen here, no stranger would it be _

_ If we met at midnight in the hanging tree _

_ Are you, are you _

_ Coming to the tree? _

_ Where I told you to run _

_ So we'd both be free _

_ Strange things did happen here, no stranger would it be _

_ If we met at midnight in the hanging tree _

_ Are you, are you _

_ Coming to the tree? _

_ They strung up a man _

_ They say who murdered three _

_ Strange things did happen here, no stranger would it be _

_ If we met at midnight in the hanging tree _

_ Are you, are you _

_ Coming to the tree? _

_ Where dead man called out for his love to flee _

_ Strange things did happen here, no stranger would it be _

_ If we met at midnight in the hanging tree _


	80. Chapter 74

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lilith and Killian have a conversation.

_ Lilith gasped awake, alerted to consciousness by the sensation of something wrapped tightly around her. She reached for the roots and calmed slightly when she encountered cloth.  _ A look around revealed that Lilith had fallen off of her bed and gotten her sheets wrapped around her. She was safe in her room. 

What had brought this newest nightmare on? Her guilt over abandoning Rylan, of course. It was a stupid question to ask herself. Lilith slowed her breathing using exercises that Mila had pestered her to learn. They worked, no doubt about it. 

Lilith might have calmed down, but she wouldn’t be going back to sleep now. She never did after such vivid nightmares. Besides, there were always things to do, like getting exercise in. She’d taken a rest day and needed to get back to lighter training. Lilith made sure to work quietly as she changed into indoor exercise clothes- a supportive bra, shorts, and a t-shirt under sweatpants and a jacket- and made sugar-free cereal for herself. She needed to eat more, especially after a tough race that left her sore all over, but she experienced none of the hunger pangs that experts said were a warning of underfueling. She’d actually starved and was eating much better than even a year before. Still, her body fat percentage had come back as 5% on her last appointment, a number that had made even Dr. North wince. Too low for even a woman who was unable to have children: her body still needed fat to function normally, especially since she was exercising so much.

That was an issue for later. Lilith had a schedule to follow, just a short workout and lots of stretching. Going down the stairs to the kitchen made her legs cry out in protest. 

The lights were already on in the gym when Lilith arrived. The Victor approached cautiously, primed to take down an attacker, but relaxed immediately when she saw Killian through a window, shirtless, loading weights onto a bar. Something must really be wrong with him- he usually slept at least until 7:00 in the morning. Lilith entered the gym, slipped out of her sweats, and grabbed a roller before heading into the weight room. 

“Bad week?” Lilith asked softly. Killian glanced over and grunted, setting down the bar.

“You could say that. Is speaking really a good idea?” The forced quality of Killian’s voice was completely unfamiliar to Lilith. “And you seem like you’re in pain.”

“I’ve been dealing with it for months in District 2 now. It hurts, but no worse than before.” Lilith shrugged. “I feel sore and tired, but that makes sense. I’m fine. You, however, are not. Did you think that I wouldn’t notice your drunkenness yesterday? And the distance between you and Jacob?”

Killian snorted, almost dropping the weight he was hefting over his head. “Of course you did. I should have just stayed away.”

“It would have been more prudent. I also don’t enjoy being touched without express permission, you know this,” Lilith replied. She let out a groan as she began to roll out her muscles. 

“You also put yourself into situations that make you uncomfortable. Like triathlons.” Killian deflected well, using humor to distract Lilith. “What drew you to not only run, but swim and bike for a ridiculous amount of time? As a race? In less than three hours?”

“What drives you to lift heavy loads over your head? Isn’t it dangerous?” Lilith shot back. When Killian shrugged, unable to answer without sounding like a child, she turned the topic. They could speak freely here in the debugged gym. “My real question is why are you here so early. And what’s going on with you and Jacob?”

“Alright. You won’t give up until I do, so I’ll tell you.” Killian placed the bar down safely, his eyes misting with worries, not seeming to care that Lilith kept stretching as he spoke. “Two weeks ago, Jacob’s brother Paul showed up at our door. Jacob didn’t recognize him at first because it’s been a decade since he last saw Paul, and you know how work ages people here.” 

“I do. Continue, please?” Lilith leaned over to touch her toes, her right leg folded against the left, wincing at the stress on her muscles. 

“Once we figured out who the fuck was at our door at 21:00 at night, Jacob allowed Paul in. We served him refreshments. Paul was unfriendly from the start, though, asking why we were living together and where our wives and kids were. He mocked me for being a killer and even brought you and Seeder up as negative company.”

“That doesn’t seem like endearing behavior.” Lilith held her toes for just a little longer, letting go when the pain in her calves lessened some. 

“It wasn’t, not at all. It took an hour for Paul to get to his point. He wants Jacob and I’s help! He and the surviving Nelsons apparently require transportation to a different District- not just one or two, but five separate trains and District.”

“Do they realize how unsafe that would be? What position that would put you two in?” Lilith asked, absolutely aghast. Yes, life in District 11 was far from bearable for workers, but the family had been overlooked so far by the Capitol. They would be putting themselves, not to mention the Victor and his partner, into deep trouble with select transportation to different Districts. 

“Apparently not!” Killian threw his hands up. “Even if that wouldn’t raise eyebrows, we got his sister and her family shipped to District 13 last year after her husband died of heat exhaustion and untreated, unmentioned cancer. The couple had six living kids with one on the way by then, so Coin jumped at the opportunity. The government’s suspicious of their disappearance. You excel at pleasing the Capitol and would be suspected.”

“This is the sister that actually cared for Jacob?” Lilith asked. “To be fair, the Capitol just doesn’t like me.”

“Correct. She and her children are safe and relatively content. They’re good workers and District 13 is happy to have them. And yeah, the government doesn’t trust any Victor from District 11 except Chaff, who’s drunk all the time.” Killian failed a lift during a pause while Lilith rolled a lacrosse ball along her thighs. 

“So what did you tell Paul?” Lilith prompted. 

“No, of course. In a tone that shut down all arguments before they began. Jacob just stood there looking torn, and once Paul was gone in a huff, that’s when we fought.”

“Jacob wanted to help? That’s idiotic and he doesn’t owe Paul or his other family anything,” Lilith said incredulously. “Although he’s a much more compassionate person than either of us. I can see his perspective here.”

“I can’t. It’s so stupid. These people abandoned him the moment he expressed a love for me. Their objection wasn’t that I was eighteen but that I was male. Being a Victor with money didn’t help. Even though there are innocent children involved in this situation, as Jacob has reminded me many times now, I can’t overlook the actions of the adults.”

“Understandable. From both perspectives.”

“Come on. Don’t you have some sort of solution in mind?” Killian demanded. This time he managed to lift the bar, grimacing at the effort. 

“This is your problem to work out with Jacob. It’s your decision, your job to weigh the risks and possible precautions.” Lilith switched legs as she spoke.

“Fair enough. Let me ask you something. If your father were still alive and living with your mother as a worker, considering his abuse and drinking and her homophobia, would you help?” 

Killian’s question made Lilith pause for a moment. He was really asking how much compassion she had for those who had become monsters through hardship. “No. I would turn them away and leave them to suffer.”

“Interesting.” Killian lapsed into silence then, clearly ruminating on the situation. Lilith interrupted after a few minutes.

“I hate to break into your thoughts, but if you’re not going to lift any more weights, would you mind working out some knots on my back?”

“Uh- sure. I’ve pretty much hit my limit at this point anyway.” Killian gestured for Lilith to lie down on her mat. “I can do it with you on the ground.”

The younger Victor followed instructions, letting herself relax.  _ Killian doesn’t mean you any harm. He’s helping you, not hurting you. _

“Where does it hurt the most?” Killian asked. Lilith indicated three spots on her lower back and hissed when Killian dug his thumbs right into one of them. “Sorry! You did bring this upon yourself, though.

“Thanks.” Lilith managed a dry laugh. “Just keep going. Never mind my shrieks of pain.”

The Victors shared stories with each other for the next hour, Killian staying after he finished working out the knots in her back and shoulders. They had much in common and even though Lilith couldn’t assist Killian with Jacob and his family directly, she provided support for both sides and gave him a new perspective to think about. Him being there as she completed some core and a short ride gave her companionship and someone to bounce her experiences over the past few months on. She forgot about her guilt over Rylan for a short time with Killian’s echoing of her sentiment. Rylan should have approached Lilith in a less public situation, and the Victor’s reaction had stemmed from an instinct of survival and caution honed in and before the Arena. Maybe it wasn’t right, but not every reaction from Lilith could be logical in the long run. She was human, after all, and it might not be too late to help the teenager. 


	81. Chapter 75

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lilith opens up with the twins.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: mention of death and violence

_ When Ursula and Nathan finally appeared from their room, the sun wasn’t up yet, but it was beginning to appear on the horizon.  _ Lilith grinned at the way Ursula’s nose sniffed like a dog’s at the smell coming from the kitchen.

“Are you cooking?” Nathan asked, perkier than his sister as usual. 

“Bacon and eggs, yes.” Lilith smiled and sipped on her coffee, oddly not tired after her poor sleep and early morning. “I can make them into a sandwich if you want.”

“You said that bacon was unhealthy,” Ursula accused. “You’re just trying to get on my good side!” 

Lilith gave her sister a sideways glance. “Look, Ursula. I woke up at a ridiculously early hour and then worked out. I’m tired and sore from my race, and need to gain fat besides. I want bacon and you happen to like it as well. Is that enough of an answer for you?”

The little girl blinked, taken aback by her sister’s sharp tone. “Okay. I would like a sandwich, please, then.”

“Great.” Lilith had lied before; she was trying to play nice with Ursula, but her stomach had leapt with hope and hunger the moment she’d put the bacon in the pan. Now it was all she wanted to eat. “You can grab some fruit if you’re hungry before the sandwich is ready.”

“Can you play with us today?” The tentative hope in Nathan’s voice almost shattered Lilith’s emotional control. Of course her leaving suddenly had affected him along with Ursula. 

“Yes, I’m totally free! What about a walk?” Lilith pulled the sizzling pan off of the heat and transferred the bacon to a plate. She cooked eggs to order next before placing the food on toasted whole-wheat bread. The Hardy siblings enjoyed their meal and cleaned up before heading out into the beautiful, clear winter day.

“Hang on. Don’t you hate the woods?” Ursula asked her sister. 

“I’ve spent a lot of time away by now. Honestly, they don’t scare me anymore,” Lilith told her sister. She reached out to touch a frost-covered tree, smiling at the sensation. She truly was over her old fear.

“Why did they scare you in the first place?” Nathan quizzed while hopping over a root. There were two trails through the woods: one that had been mostly cleared away of major roots and rocks but still provided a challenge for runners and bikers, and the other that was probably not official because of how many obstacles lay on it. Lilith enjoyed using the mountain bike she stored in District 11 on the second trail and her road bike on the first. 

“I was attacked two years ago around here and couldn’t deal with the fear after. It’s why I went to District 2 last year with Mila,” Lilith said honestly. “But I’ve gotten over it now.”

“If you’re over it, why did you leave this year?”

Lilith’s shoulders slumped in relief at Ursula’s question. Finally, a chance to explain herself in the unbugged woods. “It has something to do with my attack, actually. How much do you know about the government’s power and jurisdiction over Panem citizens?”

“The government rules over all of the Districts with an iron fist to keep order and stop any more bloodshed.” Urusla’s book recitation caused both twins confusion as they realized the illogic of that statement, brows furrowed.

“But what about the Hunger Games? Twenty-three kids die,” Nathan murmured almost to himself. 

“Exactly. The government will do anything to repress rebellion, the Hunger Games being one example of it. And they rely on Victors to act loyal and be accepting of the way things are.”

“Like, they expect you to whore around?” Lilith snapped her head around sharply at Nathan’s phrasing, then sighed at the innocent look in his eyes. He’d picked that up from Jay, no doubt.

“That phrase is inappropriate to use, but yes. I have clients that I have sex with when I’m in the Capitol, sometimes even here and in District 2, and cannot refuse. No matter what they do.” Lilith glanced to see a contemplative look in Ursula’s eyes. Neither child could truly understand what their sister experienced yet, and she felt that it was better that way. 

“Why don’t they just let you and Mila be?” Nathan wondered.

“They do, actually, as long as I keep up my appointments,” Lilith responded. She stopped suddenly and crouched in front of her siblings, forcing them to look at her. “You absolutely cannot repeat anything I say here. You’re owed an explanation but have to understand that this is a life-or-death situation. One wrong word could kill us all.”

“Are you joking?” Ursula drew back, unused to the intensity Lilith radiated. Nathan simply nodded gravely. 

“I don’t joke, Ursula, especially about things like this. Do you promise to keep this secret? Never tell anyone or give a hint that you know anything?”

“Uh... yes. I will,” Ursula said with more strength. “I don’t want to die.”

“That’s good, then.” Lilith stood and gestured for the twins to continue walking with her. “I guess I’ll start at the beginning, the attack. The man that stabbed me was sent by the Capitol. I’m still not sure why, but I wasn’t meant to survive. And when I did, the government put Brandon in the Hunger Games, where he stood no chance no matter how well he performed in training. They couldn’t kill me then but could kill my brother.” Lilith shook her head, feeling tears fill her eyes. 

To Ursula and Nathan’s credit, they didn’t cry. The boy stumbled slightly, his concentration lost, but he seemed to understand that Lilith was discussing adult matters not to be taken with a child’s perspective. Both listened carefully, with wide eyes. 

“I thought that was the end of it. But the night Gloss was presented as the Victor, I was given a drink full of poison. My throat swelled and I needed surgery to drain it. My voice won’t fully recover.”

“You didn’t overdose?” Ursula furrowed her brow. “But that’s what you told me. It’s what Mila and everyone else told me!”

“The houses have microphones and cameras in them. We couldn’t tell you the truth before.” Lilith smiled apologetically. 

“You haven’t answered her question yet,” Nathan accused. 

“I’m getting to it. After I returned to District 11, I thought maybe I could stay. But then Mila left for school and I received an email... inviting me to train tributes in District 2 for the year. There was no way to refuse, of course.”

“...what would saying no... what consequences would that lead to?” Nathan pulled together a mature question, his growing brain grasping at straws to fully understand what was being revealed.

“I assumed you would be killed. Jay too, but I care less about her.” Lilith curled her lip disgustedly. “Not to mention Mila and her family.” 

“Sounds reasonable,” Ursula said. 

“You two are being so wonderful about this. I’m sorry to have you understand the world so early.”

“We won’t tell anyone,” Nathan promised. His next question came completely out of the blue. “Can we watch your Hunger Games?”

“Ah... sure.” Lilith looked at the rising son. “If you’re alright with turning around now.”

The twins agreed, and the siblings headed back to their house. Apprehension rose up in Lilith, but Ursula and Nathan would see this content sometime. It was best if they experienced the Hunger Games for the first time with her inside opinion and knowledge involved. 

Reliving the Games proved less emotional than Lilith thought. She was able to analyze her and others’ actions properly. For example, many alliances ebbed and flowed as time went on. Greta watched Hyacinth and Quartz for a full night before deciding against approaching. A good choice because she met up with the two older boys and Brianna, striking an amicable alliance. 

Hyacinth and Quartz were the absolute worst Careers to end up with each other. They either argued over what had happened at the Bloodbath or what they should do next. As a result, they sat in their campsite. Many of the younger tributes managed to steal supplies from the Cornucopia without the apparently half-blind Umber noticing. Lilith caught Lila, killing her, and no one else dared take anything when she guarded. The cameras spent a full fifteen out of the hundred and fifty minutes tracking Lilith’s nighttime trap-building.

“What were you doing?” Nathan asked curiously. He’d been shocked at the Bloodbath, Ursula even-headed. Her point that Lilith hadn’t let anyone die slowly, even pulling off a mercy kill, was unusually mature for her. 

“Building traps. You’ll see.” They did see- wincing at the way Grayson whimpered with three arrows in his chest. 

“I would have finished him off if I’d known. Such a horrible way to die.” Lilith shook her head.

“Nice shot!” Ursula cried as Lilith’s knife entered Quartz’s back. 

The watching session completely relaxed Lilith. She was able to introduce her siblings to the real world and get a hold of their maturity. For example, Nathan was surprised to learn that the final battle went on for hours, but sympathetic to Lilith instead of wondering why she couldn’t have ended it sooner, and Ursula showed actual horror during the (thankfully short) scene where Lilith cut her arm off. Both knew that she’d done it to get back home. It was a great test of how much they could handle and how much growth they would need to go through in the coming years.

It felt wonderful to have her actions understood and accepted by those whose opinions she cared about the most. 


	82. Chapter 76

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lilith meets with a spy.

_Ursula became her cheerful self again over the next two days. Nathan pulled Lilith aside the next morning and privately confided that she’d been a nightmare lately_. “She complained even more than usual and started mocking everything Killian and Jacob said! Two of our friends stopped coming over because of it.”

“That’s not good. Do you think that when I leave again, she’ll start such behavior again?” Lilith curled her lip: the girl needed to grow up a little faster, maybe.

“I don’t know,” Nathan replied thoughtfully. “She hated you for a time, I think, and she doesn’t now. So hopefully not.”

“Thank you for letting me know,” Lilith said. “Are you ready to go?”

“I need my coat!” Nathan rushed off, changing focus like only a child could. Lilith was taking the twins on a trip across the District today to Graintown under the guise of meeting with a triathlon reporter. Jenny Harpton did compete often and report on races, but she also served as a spy for District 13. Her position had never come close to being breached. 

“This is fun!” Ursula declared during the three-hour truck ride. “I like looking out the window.”

“You like sightseeing?” The driver called from the front of the car. He’d gotten to know the kids over the last few months, apparently. Lilith tightened her grip on the drowsy Nathan and eager Ursula. “So do I.”

“You’re supposed to be driving!” Ursula laughed. She turned to her sister. “You packed food, right? Give it to me.”

“I packed turkey sandwiches for later. Half an hour and we can eat,” Lilith replied stiffly. 

“Come on!” Nathan groaned. “I have a hunger cramp!”

“You can’t fight it, then, huh? Fine, but I’ll hold off.” Lilith handed her siblings fresh-made sandwiches.

“Fight hunger cramps? That’s advice your sister will need later, not now. Not your brother.” The Peacekeeper snorted.

Lilith’s jaw dropped at the comment. It reflected badly on Lilith’s parenting skills but the assumptions here - that Ursula would be obsessed with her weight and even needed to be as opposed to Nathan, a boy- sent a jolt of fury through the Victor.

“What do you mean?” Nathan demanded. “Why would you say that?”

“Well, it’s pretty obvious,” the Peacekeeper snorted. “Your big sister knows this. Women can’t eat too much or they’ll be unattractive. Ursula is fine with some fat at this age.”

“My actions and obsessions are unhealthy and I don’t want Ursula _or_ Nathan to inherit them. I slipped up by mentioning hunger pangs and you shouldn’t encourage such behavior,” Lilith said sharply. She smiled tightly at her wide-eyed siblings. “Eat away.”

The Peacekeeper was silent for the rest of the ride, leaving the Hardys to their own business. He dropped them off and drove off only slightly abruptly. He didn’t have enough to get Lilith in trouble, as criticizing a stranger’s parenting unless a child was in clear distress was considered extremely rude in District 11. 

Speaking of eating, Lilith was meeting up with Jenny Harpton at Graintown’s one tourist attraction: its restaurant. Pallor Palace took up a full block and was a result of a disgraced Capitol chef’s dream. He’d died years ago but the new owner kept his vision alive with a graceful exterior and excellent food. It was a popular spot for Peacekeepers, adventurous Capitolites, curious citizens from other Districts, and Victors alike. 

Jenny Harpton, a slim brown-skinned woman of medium height, waved Lilith over from the entrance. The Victor headed right to her, keeping ahold of her siblings in the veritable crowd, and shook Jenny’s offered hand.

“It’s nice to meet you, Ms. Harpton. Thank you for agreeing to meet.”

“Oh, call me Jenny, and it’s my pleasure. I never get to come here. District 11 produces so few triathletes, so you were a lovely surprise.”

“Hi! I’m Ursula,” the little girl said eagerly, shaking an amused Jenny’s hand vigorously. 

“Lovely to meet you, Ursula. What’s your brother’s name, then?”

“Nathan,” the boy said in the shy tone he put on outside of his familiar environent.

“Great. Shall we eat?” Jenny clearly hadn’t expected Lilith to bring the twins but she handled it well. The inside of the restaurant was just like the outside: beige brick, packed with people of all sorts, shining floors. Lilith immediately liked the place.

“We can talk freely at our table. Quietly, but freely: there are very few cameras on the back deck. I ordered water for two, but the children can have what they like.Your food is on your tab, as we discussed before.”

“Of course. Ursula, Nathan, there’s a playground out back.” Lilith had only brought the twins because of this, not willing to speak about the rebels in front of them considering that she’d never mentioned them in their presence.

“Ooh!” Ursula bounded over to the aforementioned playground the moment she stepped foot on the deck, which looked much the same as everything else but with a blue rug. Nathan followed with his older sister’s urging. 

“What made you bring your siblings?” Jenny asked as she and the Victor settled in at the table. 

“The other Victors in the Village are busy and they are absolutely not staying with our mother. Besides, I only have so much time to spend with them this year.” Lilith inclined her head apologetically. 

“Right, you’re in District 2. How is that going?” To a casual observer, the women seemed to be having a normal conversation. The relaxed tilt of their shoulders, even though Lilith sat perfectly upright, gave the impression of a typical meeting. 

“I enjoy it, despite everything. Training tributes is a prime position to gather information on the system,” Lilith replied. “The younger kids are all wonderful. The teenagers not so much, but that’s to be expected.”

“I hear that there’s a problem with a runaway teenager?” Jenny prompted. She looked over to see a waiter approaching. “Oh, lovely.”

“Hello, my name is Juan and I will be your server today. Is there anything that you would like besides water?” The man asked.

“I personally am content with water, but my younger siblings would both enjoy lemonades,” Lilith told Juan. “Thank you.”

“I’d like a beer,” Jenny said. “And maybe some bread as an appetizer?”

“Yes, of course.” Juan left with the order, and Jenny turned to Lilith expectantly.

“Rylan Jericho came out to her parents as transgender and they reacted badly. Abused her, locked her up. Rylan fled and is currently missing. She approached me for help but did so in a very public way, so I refused. Call it a poor decision if you like. Anyway, the child needs help and could use transport to safety.”

“How old is Ms. Jericho?” Jenny asked.

“Seventeen, maybe eighteen. Her ankle was severely injured and she hadn’t eaten much the last time I saw her, so she couldn’t have gotten far.”

“I’ll let our people in District 2 know.” Jenny accepted her beer and Lilith nodded in thanks at the lemonades. Juan placed bread and butter down before asking if the women wanted food.

“Ursula, Nathan, there are drinks for you!” Lilith called. “I would like a garden salad and roasted chicken, please.”

Jenny ordered a sandwich and both twins settled on small pastas. The kids ran off again after getting a few sips in. 

“I have some information for you,” Jenny said once the table was clear of listeners. They needed to wrap up their conversation rather quickly before beginning their cover interview. “Your sabotage plan was accepted by the administration. Three new moles have been placed in the low levels of the government to go along with those already there. A loyal working crew is setting the base for systems of explosives as we speak. You will be expected to continue passing on any information you can find, of course, and may or may not be updated on progress. Please begin another as soon as you can.” 

“That’s great. I’m glad that I could be helpful.” Lilith leaned back in her chair, chewing on a piece of bread. Things were going well when it came to the rebellion, it seemed.

.....

“I don’t want you to leave,” Ursula told Lilith the next night. The family had just finished dinner and Lilith was packing to leave in the morning.

“Neither do I, but it won’t be long. Besides, you would have been able to talk to me more if you’d come to the many video calls with Nathan,” Lilith reminded her sister.

Ursula pouted. “I was made at you!”

“Well, now you understand what’s going on, so please show up,” Lilith said tartly before softening. “I really did miss you.”

“So did I.” The little girl said this softly, looking down in an unusual show of quiet emotion.

Ursula cried the next morning while dropping Lilith off. The Victor had tried to spend as much time as she could excepting school and exercise with her siblings, but her sister’s forgiveness was really the only hopeful thing about the whole situation. 

But how long would Ursula remain a forgiving little girl? The idea of ever losing her sister’s love, especially when she was older and more vulnerable to outside influences, sent a shiver down Lilith’s spine. Only time would tell. 


	83. Chapter 77

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lilith ties up a loose end.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don’t know much about treating bruises, so I found information here: https://www.healthline.com/health/how-to-get-rid-of-bruises#bottom-line

_ Lilith was five miles into her tempo run, powering down the mountain trail and enjoying every moment, when her phone buzzed.  _ It took her a few seconds to reach it, glad to have her earbuds in for music and her voice came out in its natural, rough, pained state when she answered. Her control over the tone tended to slip during workouts.

“Yes, Nicholas? Is there something going on with the teen group or Hunter?”

“Um... yeah, but there’s also something wrong with your voice,” Nicholas Rockwell replied. 

“You’re interrupting my run. What’s going on?” Lilith glanced at her watch: it was 06:25, still dark but getting lighter. Her pace fell off slightly but she was alright with that. She wouldn’t be racing again for a long while and Nicholas never called, so this must be important.

“There’s an intruder in my mother’s garden. A limping intruder, around Rylan’s size and shape,” Nicholas said heavily.

“Are you saying that you found Rylan? Go get her!” Lilith didn’t understand why Nicholas needed her for this. 

“Maybe, but why would Rylan show up at my house?” Nicholas questioned.

“You can ask her yourself if it’s really Rylan. Go and approach the intruder. You’ll be fine if they are violent, you’re a highly trained Career.”

“What- you’re the Career here, not me!” Lilith rolled her eyes, wondering why some Victors insisted upon denying their status as Careers, Hayley among them as well. 

“I am practically a Career, yes, but you trained from childhood, joined a pack of tributes from Districts 1, 2, and 4, and killed six weak tributes before ending your Games in a battle with the District 1 male. That is the definition of a Career, Nicholas,” Lilith snapped. She nearly tripped over a root and eyed the hill that was looming in her flashlight’s beam. “Anyway, I will come over as soon as I can. Good luck.”

Lilith purposefully took a long shower and stretched her always-aching muscles, irritated with Nicholas’ interruption. She grabbed a breakfast sandwich from Helena, a wonderful cook only matched by her husband, and dawdled on the walk to the Rockwells’. The morning had dawned bright and beautiful, accompanied with the sound of birdsong. 

“There you are!” Hunter answered the door, eyes bright with a mixture of thrill and worry. “Nicholas expected you half an hour ago.”

“I didn’t give him a time of arrival. Is Rylan here?” Lilith asked the thirteen-year-old, always sharp and on top of things.

“She’s in the living room.” The darkness that crossed Hunter’s face was the only warning Lilith got before seeing just how much damage had been done to Rylan over the past few days.

Rylan’s ribs stuck out, clear for all to see because she lay shirtless on the Rockwells’ pretty red couch with Julia hovering over her. The injured ankle was purple and swollen to double its size. The faded bruises dotting her chest and face looked incredibly painful.

“What is she doing here?” Rylan demanded, eyes widening. She tried to sit up but winced, allowing Julia to force her down again.

“Nicholas called me,” Lilith replied. “I’m not sure why.”

“I called you an hour and a half ago!” Nicholas, coming into the living room with an armful of medical supplies, said snappishly. 

“And gave no indication that you wanted me to come right away.” Lilith raised an eyebrow. “What can I help with?”

“Nothing, you clearly don’t care!” Rylan called. “Who says that you won’t alert the Academy or my parents?”

“That’s what I want you for, actually,” Nicholas said to Lilith. Both she and Rylan looked at him in surprise.

“Why would you want them involved? They’ll return me to my parents!” Rylan cried. 

“I have a plan, don’t worry. The administration likes Lilith more than me,” Nicholas replied.

“Well, we need to get some first aid done before anything else,” Lilith said. “Is it alright if I touch you, Rylan?”

“Absolutely not. You’ve threatened me with a weapon twice!” Rylan pushed away as best she could, crossing her arms. Julia watched carefully, hushing her sons when they opened their mouths to react. 

“I have. And I’ve regretted it ever since. You approached in a really public place, Rylan, and the Academy might like me but they’re also keeping close tabs on my loyalty. Helping you, to my addled, exhausted mind, seemed dangerous and I overreacted. You suffered because of it. I am truly sorry and have been trying to figure out ways to help you ever since.” Lilith lowered her head, fighting back tears. She hoped that her excuses were enough for Rylan.

“What do you mean, your loyalty was being tested?” Rylan asked. “And what could have made you exhausted that day?”

Lilith’s chuckle came out pained then. “Do you really think that I’m allowed to answer the first question? Secondly, I have a lot to do. I’m not only training two separate groups but I’m also a triathlete and having to catch up with years of schoolwork.”

“Fair enough,” Rylan ceded, her eyes softening. A step towards forgiveness. “I didn’t know that you’re a student.”

“There’s a special program for Victors at the University,” Lilith said. “Now can I help with your injuries?”

“Getting ice would be wonderful,” Julia said briskly at Rylan’s nod of approval. “So I can reduce the swelling in that ankle. Do you have any idea how to treat bruises?”

“Get the ice, Hunter,” Lilith directed. The boy followed her orders obediently. Years of treating her mother’s and her own injuries, given to her by Scythe Hardy, of course, had prepared her well for a situation like this. The ankle would probably require Mila’s advice, however. She crouched beside Rylan, studying her chest. “It’s best to keep bruised areas above the heart, but that’s not possible on this area. Compression would work for your chest. Do you have heat pads in the house, Julia?”

“Yes. Nicholas can fetch them.” Julia ran her hands gently over Rylan’s chest. “Where should I start on the torso?”

“I’m not just a body, you know,” Rylan snarked.

“Technically you are,” Lilith replied just as dryly. 

“Should I go get medicine? Painkillers, maybe?” Julia asked. Lilith noted how easily she slid into a following role. Maybe being in a household of males did that to you.

“I’ll have to ask Mila about that, but comfrey cream works for inflammation. These bruises are inflamed on the edges, it’s what the red means. Do you have that?” 

“Ah... no. The Riverwills might,” Julia suggested. “Oh, thank you, Hunter.” The young teenager left the ice with his mother, eyeing the other trainee’s wounds. 

“Who did that to you?”

“Don’t be rude,” Julia reprimanded, but Rylan answered readily, if with bitterness.

“My parents. They don’t like that I’m a girl.”

“They would hurt you like that? Don’t they love you?”

“Some people stop loving their kids because of their queerness. I can’t explain why, but they do,” Lilith shrugged. “It doesn’t always lead to abuse.”

“And you have experience with this?” Nicholas had returned with an electric heating pad.

“My mother. She kicked Brandon- the brother who died last Games- out of the house because he was gay,” Lilith snorted. “She would disown me too, but unfortunately, I’m the one who has actual legal power.” She twisted her lip wryly.

Rylan’s jaw dropped, and the Rockwells gave identical gasps of horror. “That’s terrible!” Julia said.

“Hey, my father was worse. Why do you think I know how to treat bruises? ”

“He hit you,” Rylan said, understanding dawning on his face. “I’m sorry.”

Lilith shrugged. “My father died eight years ago now. My younger siblings will never suffer because of him and they don’t live with my mother anymore, so it’s fine. Anyway, the ice is melting.”

The Rockwells soon learned that Lilith took no pity for her past and worked with her easily. Mila gave up her break from class to instruct Lilith on how to reduce the swelling in Rylan’s ankle and directed her girlfriend to carefully medicate the teen. Rylan was asleep and bandaged up after an hour of steady work. 

Lilith and Nicholas joined together to explain the situation to the Academy. Surprisingly, Rylan was allowed to stay at the Rockwells’ due to their claims of child abuse, though it would require going to court. None of their conversations would be revealed there because the judges wouldn’t publically admit that the residence was lined with cameras, inconsistent ones at that. 

It might be a risk to have Rylan with the Rockwells, but Nicholas and Julia were grown adults who could make their own decisions. If things went down badly, Lilith could claim some form of innocence. Besides, taking in a wounded runaway wasn’t a type of rebellion, was it? Lilith hoped so, because the repurcussions would be devastating for all involved. Rylan deserved a good life and she wouldn’t get that with her blood family.


	84. Chapter 78

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lilith trains with the teenagers.

_ Lilith had to rush in order to make her 10:00 lesson with Carson. Who knew that wrapping an ankle the size of an orange took so long?  _ She hunkered down and took notes on her teacher’s presentation about the brain, an introduction to what drives humans, a subject that truly interested her. One advantage of choosing a study focus was that her classes were now streamlined and she didn’t need a completely intensive education on subjects such as history or math. A general amount of knowledge would do there. Not that Lilith had the time to fully learn anything in the given time frame with her current schedule. 

Lilith finished as much work as she could before stretching, eating lunch, and calling a cab to the Academy. She received an email during the ride from Hallina, who she hadn’t seen and barely heard from since the Games. 

_ To:  _ _ lilith.hardy.victor@capitol.com _

__ _ From:  _ _ hallinasnow@snowfamily.org _

__ _ Hi, Lilith! _

__ _ I am so sorry for my radio silence over the past few months, but the whole family went on a vacation to District 9, of all places. My father-in-law has a mansion in the backcountry and insisted that we all “get out of the city” or whatever. I was allowed to communicate with work, of course, as the Hunger Games are fast approaching, and there was a lab for experimentation, but neither Grayson or I were allowed access to any other form of communication. Especially with the people we actually care about.  _

__ _ Luckily, the one thing that Grayson and I can agree on is that we don’t want to spend time together, so it worked out relatively well. We remained civil over meals and found other things to do for the rest of the time. I had plenty of work and so does he, with his Avox company. _

__ _ Babysitting duties came down to me as the President’s three daughters and five daughters-in-law were drunk (except for Gwendolyn, pregnant with her second set of twins in a year, poor thing), their fathers nor expected to take care of their children. I didn’t really mind. There are six over the age of fifteen and they worked with me to keep control of the younger ones. I don’t hate children and would have wanted them if not for Grayson. I’m not expected to produce as a Gamemaker and with eight mothers in the family already, each with at least two children.  _

__ _ Anyway, you don’t want to know all this, do you? The point of this email is to invite you to my mansion in two weeks’ time. I know that you have training duties (what a unique opportunity! Good for you!) and school, so come on a weekend. It doesn’t need to be long, but I really want to see you. Reply soon! _

__ _ Love, Hallina _

Lilith smiled wryly as she typed a cheerful reply. Hallina was right: she did have a unique opportunity here and was taking full advantage of it. Conversely, the first paragraph of her email had seemed whiny and childish. Spending one weekend with her would be undoubtedly painful but most likely informative. Lilith did, in fact, want to hear about the vacation and Snow family. She was sure that she could manage workouts and school: Hallina worked every day, lesss so on the weekends. 

It was a pensive group that shuffled into training, split by gender. Lilith pretended to not notice the tension and greeted the teenagers as usual. “Hello, all. I hope that you had restful breaks.”

“Yeah. What’s going on with Rylan?” Selma demanded. She was a skin tone darker: a mix of natural and chemical tan, probably. 

“News travels fast, then. Rylan is safe with the Rockwells,” Lilith replied simply.

“Why not with his parents?” Paula asked, voice laced with real curiousity and an innocence no one else in the room shared. She’d been the one to alert Lilith of the situation, too.

“If you must know, Rylan’s ankle is either severely sprained or broken. Moving would be unwise. Now, let’s begin training,” Lilith said with more edge to her tone. “Today-”

Jakob spoke over Lilith this time. “Is there going to be a court case?”

The Victor sent a glare in the boy’s direction, leaning casually on the knife rack as she did so. “That is none of your business and confidential besides. Today is focused on getting back into training, so half- as in the boys- of you will start on weights and the girls will sped half the session sparring. Cardio will resume tomorrow. Get to your stations.”

“How much can we put on the bar?” Martin asked.

“A weight that you can use in a light workout. Your call.” Lilith trusted the boys to follow instructions, as all three showed more dedication than all the girls but Paula, and headed over to the sparring station. Chantelle had the best form by far, beaten only by Paula’s aggression. Selma held her own just fine while Heidi struggled with her mindset. 

“Heidi, you might improve if you have something else to think about. The focus and form are there. Not flexibility, you need to work on that,” Lilith said after Selma pinned the older girl to the ground for the fifth time. “Still. Why don’t you tell me about your vacation? Take a water break, Selma, I can fight Heidi.”

“Okay.” Heidi waited for Lilith to slip protective pads on before jumping into action, aiming her right foot at the Victor’s side. The pad swung backward upon contact and hit Lilith’s body.

“You might need a size down. These outfits aren’t made for skeletons,” Selma sneered. Chantelle snorted in laughter and paid for it with a sudden shove from Paula, falling over. 

“I can manage. It’s the smallest size,” Lilith snickered. Selma herself carried extra fat and was most likely jealous of the Victor’s thinness. “Tell me about your vacation, Heidi.”

“The family and I went on a road trip all around the country! Just driving through the Districts.” Heidi did no worse at dodging the slightly shorter Lilith’s punch, barely making it. 

“Which Districts and what did you think?” Lilith feinted a spin kick and landed an upswing on Heidi’s chest. The girl stumbled but recovered well with her next words. Meanwhile, Chantelle and Paula were matched in an intense battle, their rivalry improving both of their abilities as usual.

“Three, Six, Eight, Ten, Eleven, and Twelve,” Chantelle reported breathlessly. 

“They really differ, geographically and people-wise,” Heidi said. Selma listlessly sipped on her water bottle, staring expectantly at Lilith, who stepped aside for her readily. 

“The people got dirtier as time went on,” Chantelle sniffed. “I mean, the latter Districts were full of workers. I saw water taps, can’t they wash their clothes? Disgusting.”

Lilith raised an eyebrow. “I can tell you from experience that no one on the fields care much about washing, at least in District 11. And workers rarely have more than two pairs of clothes.”

“You worked in the fields? Gross.” Selma laughed. “Isn’t there anything else you can do? Come on.”

Lilith could either laugh or throttle the girl, so she chose the latter. “There were no other options that I was aware of. What about you, Paula? How was your vacation in the Capitol?” 

“Great!” Paula and Chantelle broke apart, both getting water. “I really liked the sights. There are really interesting streets! And I’d love to get into a few of the mansions! Especially the presidential mansion.”

“President Snow’s mansion is quite extraordinary, yes,” Lilith agreed. “Did you visit a few of the restaurants?” She glanced over to where the boys were chatting among themselves and lifting weights. No problems there.

“Yeah! Some were really expensive but worth it. I ate a little too much but sure walked a lot. I ran every day too with my brother,” Paula said happily. She did seem in fine shape coming off of a week’s break. 

The boys chimed in. Martin had spent the break playing on his new computer, not even with his friends. These teens rarely ever got to completely relax so some took full advantage. He had managed to get to the gym a few times, so he wasn’t totally out of shape. Jakob and Ashton spent the majority of their time with a group of friends or together in the woods. Lilith suspected that they were dating because of the amount of time they spent alone and the bantering she shared. They were quite careful about it, however, and she didn’t know for sure. Two boys could simply be good friends, after all.

Selma took up a full hour of the session, somehow managing to keep sparring and to lift weights, with a play-by-play recounting of her family’s beach trip to District 4 that seemed boring even to Lilith, who had never been on one. Then her long list of extremely expensive gifts (was everyone in the room rich? Maybe not Paula, whose gifts seemed practical).

Through everything, not one of the teenagers thought to ask Lilith about her holiday.


	85. Chapter 79

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lilith and Charles Boggs discuss their options.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: self-harm, anxiety, eating disorders, brief (fake) character death

_ Lilith became more and more anxious about the upcoming court case as it approached. The more she looked into it, the more it seemed a complete drag and honestly dangerous.  _ First of all, though the Rockwells had hired the best lawyer they could find, he wasn’t the most successful and convincing in Panem. That honor went to Garvin Millhouse, a District 8-born, self-made man with a silver tongue who could talk his way out of anything. He was also known to publically rant against the rights of queer people. 

That was one blow against Rylan, but not everything. The judge that oversaw abuse cases had struck down many obvious instances of abuse if the child or a parent involved was queer. The members of the jury would most likely by unfriendly towards Rylan as well. 

Lilith’s main worry, among all of that, was her own role in the situation. She’d threatened the kid, after all, turned her away. A decision triggered by Lilith’s mental illness couldn’t be presented as such. Victors couldn’t struggle publically, or even privately. Bringing Mila into it would most likely mean questions on their relationship, making everything more complicated. Too much queerness in this closed-minded society meant more trouble for Rylan and less of a chance that the trial would end well. 

It took every ounce of Lilith’s self-control to keep up her schedule. She threw herself into workouts, falling back into old habits. She ignored pain in her ever-troublesome left foot and skipped lunch three days in a row. Only two and a half weeks passed by, but she lost two pounds, slipping well under a hundred. The burning in her body was ample payback for her mistakes that could have cost Rylan a happy life. 

_ “What do you think you’re doing?” Lilith snarled. She stood on the Academy’s lawn, facing a wounded and doe-eyed Rylan, holding a machete in her hand, face blazing with fury.  _

__ _ “I just want help. Please, you need to help,” Rylan begged. All of her weight was focused on one foot, the other swelling around her dirt-stained shoe.  _

__ _ “I can’t, Rylan. Don’t you understand? I was targeted for assassination twice in the past year. This is not a risk that I can take,” Lilith hissed.  _

__ _ “What makes your life more valuable than mine?” Rylan snapped. “You have money and connections, the power to stand up to your pathetic excuse for a mother, while I’m stuck in my house and with my horrible parents.” _

__ _ “You live in a fucking mansion. It can’t be that bad,” Lilith argued. _

__ _ “Oh, I can’t feel pain because I’m rich? That’s ironic coming from you. Congratulations, you won the Hunger Games. You’re a mass murderer. Your family is safe, but are they? Your survival already cost Brandon his life. Don’t let me suffer now.” Rylan’s voice was strong and harsh but her body weak, trembling. She was unable to keep herself upright and collapsed.  _

__ _ “Let me help you up,” Lilith offered, but the moment she moved towards Rylan, the trees around her shaking and the wind picking up. “Aaaah!” Lilith cried as an impossibly powerful gust of wind lifted her up into the sky. _

__ _ Lilith flailed around, looking for a branch to hold onto, but she was suddenly dropped. She landed in a chair, the solid wood sending a jolt of pain through her body. A courtroom, with Rylan and her lawyer sitting across from her. The Jerichos sat with Garvin Millhouse opposite them. Oddly enough, there was no one in the seats behind. _

__ _ Garvin Millhouse jumped out of his chair, face alive with ferocity. “Answer my question, girl!” _

__ _ Judge Owen Smith, white hair receding but skin perfectly smooth. Such were the oddities of ultra-advanced technology.  _

__ _ “I missed it. Sorry.” Lilith smiled blandly, her mind racing inside. What the hell was going on? _

__ _ “I asked you why you turned Mr. Jericho away,” Millhouse said slowly, as if he was talking to a child and not an intelligent young adult.  _

__ _ “I made an error of judgment. Rylan was clearly in trouble and I should have responded,” Lilith said with forced calm.  _

__ _ “Oh, is that true? Or did you know that the boy belongs with his parents. They can fix his sickness,” Millhouse sneered. Rylan paled in her seat and the lawyer’s face turned grim at Judge Smith’s nod of approval.  _

__ _ “No, Mr. Millhouse. In fact, I heartily disapprove of Ochre and Germaine Jericho’s parenting and would like Rylan to be far away from them,” Lilith countered.  _

__ _ “Those are the words of a terrorist. Who are you to judge us?” Germaine shouted.  _

__ _ “You’re an overweight murderess who can’t keep her family alive,” Ochre sneered.  _

__ _ “Mr. Jericho will be returned to his parents. Take him away!” Judge Smith barked, rapping down on his desk. Rylan wailed as two soldiers dragged her out of her seat. Lilith looked away- directly into the head of a gun. _

__ _ “Your time’s up, Murderess. We know everything,” a smirking soldier said. Lilith had no time to move or even sense the bullet coming before it struck her heart. _

__ Lilith woke with a gasp, sitting up in bed, her heart pounding. A dream. Why did she always have to die in her dreams? It was crystal clear what this one was telling her. The court case wouldn’t go much better in real life. She looked down and sighed: four thin lines ran down her left wrist. Mila would flip out if she saw this. 

What could Lilith do at this point? The Victor thought it over some more as she cleaned the cuts and her robotic fingers. They would heal quickly, but the problem was the return of self-destructive behaviors. That could not continue. The trial was a week away now and everything was set. Everyone involved had a script and they all knew how it would play out. The Victor shook her head: there was no point in obsessing over it any more tonight. Waking up at 01:00 was actually useful today because she had a meeting with Charles Boggs in forty-five minutes. Just enough time to finish her math worksheet and change into something presentable.

“Greetings, Miss Hardy,” Charles Boggs, hair a little grayer but not much different from the last time Lilith had seen him, said amicably when the Victor logged on. 

“Hello, Mr. Boggs. How are you this morning?” Lilith knew the roughness in her voice wasn’t hidden well, but she couldn’t bring herself to care at the moment. 

“I’m busy and exhausted, to be honest,” Boggs snorted. “But I can manage. How about you?” The two, when alone and not required to keep their conversations strictly professional, fell into a routine like they’d been friends for years. They were just comfortable with each other’s personalities and behavior. 

“Just fine,” Lilith said wryly, automatically feeling the fresh cuts on her wrist, covered securely with medicine and a bandage. “I have been quite worried about the upcoming trial, though.”

“Yes, it really seems like a danger to the cause,” Boggs agreed. “You did make an error and that will be costly. I don’t blame you, the kid shouldn’t have tried to approach you in such a public place, but still.”

“Yeah. I fucked up. Got it.” Lilith broke suddenly, placing her head in her hands. A few tears slipped out before she could stop them.

“Woah, I didn’t mean to go after you,” Charles rushed. 

“I know. I just hate it when people point out what’s completely obvious to me,” Lilith said into her hands. 

“You made a human error. Even without it, extracting Rylan Jericho would be necessary,” Charles consoled the Victor.

“I’m a Victor, I’m not allowed to be a human,” Lilith replied. She looked up and wiped her eyes. Unfortunately, her sweatshirt sleeve slipped and revealed the bandage as she did so.

“Did you hurt yourself?” Charles, alarmed, literally tried to reach for Lilith and touched the screen. He was a sweet man beneath the rough public exterior. 

“It’s not a habit anymore. I had a nightmare and scratched while I slept,” Lilith grumbled. “They will be fine in a few days. Isn’t this supposed to be an official meeting?”

“I care more about your health at the moment. So you’re a cutter as well as anorexic?” Charles asked. Lilith tutted in disapproval and irritation.

“Why do people think that it’s appropriate to comment on my weight? All I want is to be thin. This is thin and anything else is fat, and no one is going to convince me otherwise! Okay?” Lilith came close to shouting then before drawing back. It was the first time she’d raised her voice in months and months, the first time her control had broken in front of another person. 

Charles opened his mouth, then reconsidered. “Have you considered seeing a therapist?”

Lilith laughed at that, a sound with all bitterness and no humor. “There are official rules against it. Victors aren’t supposed to be mentally ill. Besides, does admitting to a Capitol employee that you’re worried about your rebel activities being revealed really a smart idea to you?”

“Fair enough. Jacob would be willing to help,” Charles suggested. 

“I haven’t had time to speak consistently with him.” Lilith waved her fake hand. “Look, I will be doing much better if we figure out the Rylan situation.”

“Alright.” Charles eyed Lilith warily, but he let the matter drop. As the two discussed possibilities that would remove any chance of rebel intervention, especially Lilith’s role, being revealed to the government. Lilith felt her mind wandering back to her dream, and she wasn’t really sure why until she came back to the end. Soldiers taking Rylan away. A smile spread over the Victor’s face.

“Charles, I have an idea.”


	86. Chapter 80

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The extraction plan is put into action

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: homophobia, violence

_ Both the Rockwell and Riverwill households became tense as the trial approached. Pietr, usually good about his schoolwork, failed to show up for class and training and didn’t turn an important paper in.  _ Lilith smirked at the tongue-lashing Helena gave him: the kid deserved it. He didn’t care that a teenager was about to be denied the right to live happily in four days, he just wanted to use his family’s distraction to slack off. 

“Your brothers are in the top of their classes, and Carson is four grades ahead of his age! Your sister has managed to complete her dream of becoming a doctor even as a Victor. Do you know how hard it is to be chosen as a tribute? How much work it takes?” Helena stood in the living room, hands on her hips, facing her son. It was mid-morning on a cloudy, blustery Saturday.

“So you want to force me into all A’s? I’m a good athlete but not a good student,” Pietr argued back. Lilith tried not to make it obvious that she was standing in the kitchen, preparing a bowl of oatmeal for herself after a hard swim and easy ride. She had much less work than usual because two of Teacher Carson’s children were very ill and he needed to take care of them. Lilith completed the packets of material he gave her with no complaints.

“You need good grades to be chosen as a tribute,” Helena countered. “You hate Algebra, right? A B would do there. But you can’t have too many grades below A, no.”

“What is it with these expectations? Don’t you know how harmful they can be?” Pietr challenged. He was perfectly intelligent but the least studious of his family. Lilith noted with amusement that he spent much more time researching parenting psychology than completing his assignments. Of all of the younger Riverwills, though, he was hyperfocused on the Hunger Games, trained very hard, and had pictures of every Victor ever on his wall. Lilith found it incredibly creepy that he knew more about the lore surrounding her victory than the woman herself. 

“If I may, Pietr,” Lilith offered, “this conversation wouldn’t be happening if you had turned in that paper on time.”

Helena smirked while Pietr jumped in surprise. “How long have you been here?”

“Since before you two came in. You kindly offered your kitchen and I just got back from a swim.”

“You’re holding salt. Don’t put that in your oatmeal!” Helena laughed. 

Lilith quickly placed the jar down. “Wow, I meant to grab brown sugar.”

“Have you been sleeping well?” Helena asked. Pietr, freed from his mother’s wrath, slipped away. Everyone had been acting odd lately and one absence from a Victor’s grandson and brother could be forgiven by the Academy. 

Lilith took the brown sugar this time and snorted as she stirred it into her oatmeal. “No, not at all. I made a vital mistake in turning Rylan away in the first place and that could ruin our defense right away.”

“Oh, honey, I’m sure it’s not that bad,” Helena comforted the Victor. “To be honest, what’s going to ‘ruin our defense’ is that Rylan is transgender and the judge is transphobic.”

“Are you talking about the trial?” Jason entered the room, yawning widely. He had to wake up before dawn for his job, supposedly as an engineer for mineral drilling, but his brilliance would be wasted on such work. It was unspoken that he helped create weapons for the Capitol and didn’t like it. 

“Yeah. It’s not looking promising,” Lilith said through a bite of oatmeal. She grimaced at the sweet taste, but knew that she needed more carbohydrates in her diet. Too much weight loss would raise too many eyebrows. 

“Winston Harper is a wonderful lawyer and the judging system isn’t completely unfair,” Jason assured. “We have proof of abuse and the right to look at videos from Rylan’s room. We’ll win.”

Lilith eyed the man warily. His constant optimism didn’t sit well on her caffeine-powered brain. “Sure.” If things went to plan, no one here would be proven right. 

Lilith’s phone buzzed suddenly. She answered it, glad to have a reason for distraction. “Hello?”

“Hi, Lilith! I’m ready to go shopping,” Rylan said. Lilith let a small smile slip over her face. The teen seemed legitimately peppy to get out of the Rockwells’ with the Victor for a brief shopping trip. Nicholas had been slightly confused when Lilith insisted upon taking Rylan out to the store, but accepted the help easily. 

Lilith finished her meal, excused herself, and headed over to where Rylan waited by Nicholas’ car with reusable bags. “Thank you for taking me.”

“Sure! Now that you’ve gotten used to walking with a boot, you can help out,” Lilith said easily. She would normally never be so casual around a trainee, but she adapted to situations and this one called for it.

“Yeah, I’ve started doing some chores for the Rockwells,” Rylan replied. “Sweeping, dishes, stuff like that.” 

“Nice!” Lilith grinned. “You can help put the food away with me.” She nodded to herself at Rylan’s grin: she’d been jumpy and depressed lately. Doing things seemed to really be helping.

“I’d like that.” The conversation tapered off, and Rylan stared at the world passing by outside. “It’s actually kind of a nice day.”

“No,” Lilith agreed amicably. “Maybe you should go on a walk later.”

“That’s a good idea.” Rylan smiled softly, then the happiness drained from her face, replaced with a pensive look. “What- what have the others been saying? About me?”

Lilith didn’t even try to play dumb and ask what others. “Selma’s acting like a bitch, as are the twins. Paula cares, I can tell, but she’s been conditioned to hate. The boys haven’t said a word about it. Jakob and Ashton seem like allies to me and Martin is just kind of an asshole.”

Rylan laughed out loud. “Oh, wow, that’s the best summary of our little group that I’ve ever heard! Yeah, Jakob and Ashton are together, if you didn’t know. They support me but can’t be open about it, clearly.”

“Yes, wonderful homophobia,” Lilith snorted. She’d purposely kept out just how venomous Selma’s words were, how many rumors she was spreading about Rylan. Even her fellow homophobic trainees were tiring of the constant hate. Not to mention that Hunter was fending off questions from his less-aggressive group every session. 

“Give it up,” Heidi had told Selma the day before. “Rylan is going to lose his court case and returned to his parents. There’s no point in beating a dead horse.”

“So you don’t care about his sickness?” Selma challenged, legitimately shocked. 

“No, we’re all sick of hearing about it,” Chantelle broke in. “It’s not like any of us were close with him anyway.” The rest gave nods of agreement, but Paula’s was slightly too quick, Jakob and Ashton’s halfhearted. 

“Lilith, there are soldiers ahead,” Rylan warned. The Victor snapped out of her thoughts (never let your mind wander while driving, she reminded herself), and slowed the car. Rylan’s brow furrowed with confusion. “They aren’t dressed like Peacekeepers. Who are they?”

“I don’t know. Hush.” Lilith stopped and rolled down the window as an unmasked soldier approached, dressed in all black as opposed to the Peacekeeper white or camouflage. “Hello, ma’am. Would you like to see my identification?”

“Yes. And the g-boy’s,” the soldier said. Lilith sent her a hard look and she paled. The car was bugged with microphones if not cameras. 

The soldier took her time with the papers, falling back into her role smoothly. “What are you doing in District 2, miss Hardy?”

“Training future tributes as per the Academy’s request. Rylan here was one of them but he’s currently wounded,” Lilith replied neutrally.

“And what’s your business today?”

“A shopping trip to Revaille’s Grocery.”

“Really? Do you have money?” The soldier challenged. Rylan was visibly confused now but stayed silent. Lilith maintained eye contact even as the soldier hoisted her gun.

“Yes, ma’am. I will be using my credit card, which is in my bag at Rylan’s feet. May I reach for it?”

“The kid can.” The soldier sniffed when Lilith removed the little card from her bag and showed it to her. “That’s real, I’ll give you that. What’s wrong with your foot, kid?”

Rylan kept her voice even. “I fell out of a window and broke it, ma’am.”

“Stupid kids.” The soldier seemed lost for words, and Lilith sighed internally. She threw her back into the back of the car suddenly, and the surrounding soldiers took the hint, forcing the doors open. Rylan cried out as two soldiers pulled her out of the car and Lilith twisted slightly, putting on something of a show of resistance. There wasn’t much use- the spot was perfect, as she and Charles had discussed in detail four days earlier, with no cameras. The path to Revaille’s Grocery, a high-end grocers that sold only organic items, naturally wound through the mountains and was rarely patrolled by Peacekeepers. 

Lilith heard Rylan’s cries as a knee drove into her stomach, just above her stabbing scar. The soldiers had been instructed to not hold back to make this seem more realistic. She wouldn’t be killed, of course, just injured.

Lilth hissed when the butt of a gun hit her head. Harder than she would like as her vision blacked out for a moment. Too much. She began to lose consciousness and fought to keep her eyes open even as a foot landed hard on her ribs. 

Two soldiers leaned over a shocked and struggling Rylan, forcing her to keep still. The flash of a transport preceded their disappearance from the road, and Lilith slipped away into unconsciousness a satisfied young woman. 


	87. Chapter 81

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lilith assesses how the plan went from he hospital.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: mention of injury

“ _ She isn’t awake yet. Should we be worried about that? What about her concussion?” _

__ “I would prefer that she regain consciousness soon, but she’s also suffering from exhaustion and needs uninterrupted sleep.”

“Alright. But Doctor, what’s wrong with her throat?”

“An old surgery. It must have filled with poison before.”

“Poison? When?”

“Don’t be stupid, Lilith Hardy would never overdose. I didn’t tell you this, though.”

“N-no, of course not, Doctor.”

Lilith kept her eyes closed and took in the sounds around her. Doctor. She was in a hospital. Again? Why? She searched the aching and slow lump of tissue that was her brain for the answer. So she’d gotten hurt. Not particularly surprising. 

“It’s too bad about the kid.”

“ _ Kid? _ Jericho was only two years younger than Hardy and sick besides. I think it’s too bad that Hardy was in the car with him when the soldiers attacked. She’s one of the best trainers the Academy has ever had.”

“I find that hard to believe.”

“Well, believe it, honey. She’s off for the year now, of course, which is a real shame.”

Oh. So... there had been a plan to get Rylan out of the District. And it had worked. Good, they thought she was dead. But why was Lilith in the hospital? Because she’d been in the car when the soldiers had taken Rylan away with them, and her being uninjured would have seemed incredibly suspicious. 

Lilith opened her eyes and immediately regretted it. The lights hurt her and she tried to turn away but regretted that too.

“Don’t do that, honey,” the curious nurse’s voice said. “I’ll lower the lights if they’re too much for you.”

“Thank you, that would be wonderful,” Lilith murmured. She didn’t have an oxygen mask over her face but felt an oxygen cannula on her upper lip. She dared to open her eyes again when the light falling on her eyelids dimmed.

“Now that you’re awake, you won’t be allowed to sleep for hours on end. It isn’t good for your head.” The nurse took a clipboard off a side table and sat in the chair beside Lilith’s bed. “As you’re conscious at the moment, I need you to tell me how you feel. You are currently on morphine so your pain will be muted.”

“Fire away,” Lilith said, letting her eyes wander. Her brain wasn’t working correctly: the morphine must be why.

“Can you feel your legs?” The nurse was all business now.

“Yes.” Lilith moved her toes and feet to demonstrate, noting that her left foot was trapped in a boot. “What happened to my foot?”

“You had a stress reaction and a worn ligament in that ankle. Any idea how that might have happened?” Lilith liked this nurse, the Victor thought, she was sassy.

“Definitely from running,” Lilith snorted lightly. 

“Those will heal if you stay off of them. You don’t have a spinal injury, so it makes sense that you can feel your legs. How is your breathing? Is there any pressure on your ribs?”

“More labored than usual,” Lilith reported. 

“Two are cracked. They would be painful if not for the morphine. You were lucky that your old scars didn’t open, you just have bruises near that area.”

“How severe is the concussion?” Lilith asked. The nurse made a face. 

“You were lucky to avoid a skull crack. As it is, we had to shave part of your head.”

“I can feel the bruise, yeah,” Lilith said. So the concussion was why she wanted to share with this nurse. Well, some things she had to keep to herself. “What does my hair look like now?”

“It’s a buzz cut with the exception of the bruise,” the nurse replied. “Does your mind wander this much usually?”

“No.” Lilith shut her eyes again, only to be shaken by the nurse.

“You’ve only been awake for five minutes. I need to test your concussion. What day is it?”

“How long have I been sleeping?” 

“Eight hours. Two in a medically induced coma and the rest naturally.”

“It’s January 24th, then.”

“Very early on the 25th, but I’ll give you the benefit of the doubt.” The nurse checked a box on her clipboard, pleased. “What is your full name?”

“Lilith Hardy.”

“Ah... yes, I suppose that you don’t have a recorded middle name. Your parents’ names?”

“Scythe Hardy and Jay Hardy. My father is deceased.”

“And your siblings’ names?”

“Ursula, Nathan, and Brandon Hardy. Brandon is deceased.”

“Good. All correct. Do you have any significant others?”

“Mila Riverwill has been my girlfriend for almost three years now.”

“I suppose that’s legitimate. Where are you now? Try to read the sign on the wall.”

Lilith strained to read the words, but they were a jumble of characters. “I can’t read it.”

“Okay...” the nurse frowned at her clipboard before holding out a delicate white hand. “How many fingers am I holding up?”

“Two.” Lilith could identify the number after a brief bout of concentration. She was fading fast, though.

“Alright. Go back to sleep, Lilith, I’ll wake you in an hour.”

................

The plan had worked without a hitch. Rylan was safe in District 13, presumably, and the other soldiers were in custody. Some were District spies planted in Peacekeeper ranks, others Peacekeepers who turned against the Capitol. All would be found guilty of manslaughter and be punished harshly because of Lilith’s vaunted, unique position. The trial was scheduled for a week but would be over quite quickly.

Rylan’s corpse, identified with no trouble, was an absolute miracle of science. It was a copy of the teenager down to the cell and Lilith couldn’t even begin to comprehend the process of creating it in just four days. Since Lilith had been willing to get injured and there hadn’t been cameras at the scene, the only ones to take any of the fall were the self-sacrificing soldiers.

“I just can’t believe that this could have happened,” Julia Rockwell sniffed the next afternoon, when Lilith was feeling slightly more focused and able to stay conscious for a decent amount of time. 

“Why would random soldiers target you? They were standing on the road for hours and didn’t attack anyone else,” Nicholas said, rubbing his mother’s back comfortingly. 

“How many other foreign drivers passed by?” Lilith asked from her bed. She chewed slowly on the applesauce that the nurse had insisted she eat. It was a pleasant dish, she thought.

“That could be it!” The volume of Hunter’s voice made Lilith wince. “Sorry,” the boy said. 

“Just remember not to shout for a bit. We’ll see why at the trial, right?” Lilith said. “The important thing is to honor Rylan. She’s simply a body now, but she did live.”

“You’re right. The funeral will need to wait for a bit so the prosecution can take evidence from her body, so let’s honor her now.” Helena spoke then, putting her arm around a still-crying Julia.

“Rylan didn’t have the best parents or circumstances, but she wanted to live life to the fullest,” Lilith intoned. “She was going to do great things as a confident transgender woman and it’s tragic that she didn’t get the chance.”

“To Rylan’s promise,” Nicholas said.

“To Rylan’s promise.”

“To Rylan’s promise.”

As the phrase echoed around the Rockwells and Riverwills, Lilith allowed herself a little smile. She’d taken a few minutes earlier to look at her phone despite the pain it caused and seen Mila’s email saying that Rylan wasn’t badly wounded and beginning to settle into District 13. The kid would be able to unlock her promise with the rebels, if everything went well. 


	88. Chapter 82

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lilith talks with Enobaria and reads some emails

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: mention of homophobia, child marriage, foul language, past character death, Hallina doesn’t have boundaries

_ “Hardy!” Enobaria Ovaline barked, brushing right past the protesting nurse. Lilith hadn’t seen her up-close in over a year and blinked: she’d sharpened her teeth to small points. _

__ “Ovaline.” Lilith didn’t mention Enobaria’s teeth, thinking that the self-centered Victor would bring them up eventually. “What inspired this kind visit?”

“I’m not here by choice.” Enobaria made her irritation known by her impatient tone. “Since you’re apparently too injured to continue training, I’ve been told to take your place. Did you take notes on the kids? You were supposed to turn in weekly reports for each one.”

“I did, and I can send them to you if they aren’t in the Academy’s files,” Lilith replied. 

“Look in the files.” Nurse Mariah re-entered, carrying Lilith’s lunch (more food than she would like but all healthy). “Miss Hardy is not allowed to look at screens for more than twenty minutes a day and will use that time for yourself, not a woman who runs into her room screaming though it worsens her concussion.”

Lilith hid her laugh poorly and Enobaria’s face reddened. “Well- fine, I’ll look. Is there anything that you think I need to know now?”

“More personal, yes. Please sit down.” Lilith smirked at Enobaria’s annoyance and hesitation to follow orders. “Look, it’s mid-morning on a Monday. Training doesn’t begin for hours. You have time.”

“Fine. What’s so important?” Enobaria sat, huffing out an indignant breath through her mouth. Nurse Mariah left the tray with Lilith and headed off to another patient.

“Selma Díaz is a piece of work. Her talent cannot make up for her attitude and lack of effort. I have been trying to fix her form on literally everything and she is quite homophobic.” Lilith chewed on her sandwich, enjoying the taste

“Everyone in District 2 is homophobic,” Enobaria said. She and Lilith had stayed away from each other because of mutual dislike but both were queer and understood the struggles for people like them in this intensely biased District.

“Yes, true, but Rylan was transgender and it has spread around the school. Two of the boys, Jakob and Ashton, are a couple but completely closeted. You will run into no issues with them.”

“How do you know that?” Enobaria challenged.

“I am from District 11 and killed both District 2 tributes in my year. You know this, you killed Maple because of it. It took weeks to earn their trust. You, meanwhile, are a homegrown Victor who proved her verve for the win. The new and improved teeth will help.” Lilith quirked her lip. 

“So you did notice my teeth.” Enobaria snickered bitterly at the reminder that Lilith had killed her girlfriend.

“I think they fit your image,” Lilith replied.

“It was my girlfriend’s idea,” Enobaria admitted. “She’s a planner, like you. Marissa Bustelo.”

“Marissa sounds smart,” Lilith agreed. When Enobaria shifted, clearly uncomfortable with the personal sharing, she changed the subject. “Anyway, I have more on the trainees. Are you taking the morning class with Hunter Rockwell?”

“No, that’s Hayley.”

“Hayley Washington is four months pregnant. Is that safe?”

“Her fiancé is on the faculty and able to help out. Besides, she volunteered.”

Lilith shrugged. “Her choice, then. So you only have one group. Paula is the youngest and tries very hard to keep up with the others. She will give you her full effort but follows Selma’s lead socially, as to the other two girls, Heidi and Chantelle. Both are physically adept and relatively calm.”

“What about the last boy, Martin?” Enobaria was willing to sit down with her girlfriend’s killer and have a civil conversation, and her questions were all on-point. Lilith thought that she would make a good, alert trainer.

“Talent and hard work combined. He tends to stay out of trouble.” 

“Okay. What level is each trainee at when it comes to sparring, fitness, and weapons?”

“I took them all on identical runs each training session and they all did fine. As for weight and core, the boys lift more for obvious reasons but the girls are not slouches. They are all fit.”

“Running. Do I have to take them on runs?” Enobaria sighed.

“I am not telling you to do anything. Just reporting on my experience. Giving them some form of consistent cardio is a requirement, though.”

“Yeah. I know the rules. And weapons? I have places to be.”

“Alright. Paula is easily the best knife thrower while Martin dominates in long-range weapons. Jakob has the edge in blunt weapons, closely followed by Ashton. Martin is strong in all areas, as are the twins, and Selma lags because of her form. Sparring is going well and there have been no serious injuries so far.”

“Great. I got that all down in my head. Can I go now?” Enobaria stood suddenly. 

“Do what you want.” Lilith watched Enobaria leave, relieved. The other Victor always gave off a sense of aggression and it wasn’t helping Lilith’s headache. 

Lilith looked over her emails that afternoon, trying to keep the boredom away. She didn’t need much sleep and stayed awake for longer than the nurses would like, but felt good considering her injuries.

_ To:  _ _ lilith.hardy.victor@capitol.org _

__ _ From:  _ _ gloss.poolshine.D1@capiotl.org _

__ _ Hey, Lilith. _

__

__ _ I know that it’s been a while since we spoke, but I just wanted to check in. I am so sorry about your injuries! It’s too bad about the kid too. Do you have any idea what they wanted with you? How could anyone just murder someone like that? Anyway, all will be revealed in the trial. No need to reply to this email quickly, it’s unhealthy for you with that concussion.  _

__ _ I’m doing well. There are plenty of reports that I didn’t deserve the victory, but it’s not like I was in control of the Arena. District 1 citizens support me and I’m enjoying training. I heard that you’re in school. Is there any way I can get instruction from the Academy from home? _

__ _ In other news, Cashmere is excelling at District 1’s Academy. The top of her class in two respects. Strong, beautiful, and talented, like a Poolshine should be. Did you know that Jewel isn’t my real mother? Cashmere and I were born to a girl named Marianne and our blood father, fifteen years older, who volunteered for the 45th Hunger Games at eighteen, when Cashmere was only six months old. Marriage between minors and seniors is legal in District 1, by the way. As long as both parties consent. Anyway, Marianne almost won, but Chaff edged her out at the end. Fair play, he did well. _

__ _ I’m rambling, aren’t I? My family is fine. I wish you the best for your healing. _

__ _ Feel better soon, Gloss _

Lilith shook her head. District 1 politics were so backwards. Child marriage was regulated even in District 11, illegal in most other Districts. Jay was a prime example of what happened when young girls were forced into married life and motherhood too early. Gloss had reached out, however, reminding Lilith that he was a good resource in District 1 without Ariana’s friendship.

_To:_ _lilith.hardy.victor@capital.org_

__ _ From:  _ _ hallina.snow@snowfamily.org _

__ _ Oh, Lilith! _

__ _ Must you always be targeted? Does my influence not protect you from such horror? I’m glad that it wasn’t a stabbing this time, but still, you must be in such pain. Those bastards will pay for their actions. I would use my power to affect the trial, but it’s stacked against them anyway. All you need to do is identify even  _ one  _ attacker and they’re toast. _

__ _ I still want you to come over, of course. We won’t do as many bedroom activities, but I appreciate you for your brain, not just your body. I can get full pleasure elsewhere.  _

__ _ See you soon,  _ __

__ _ Hallina _

__ Lilith snorted. Good to know that Hallina saw her as a human with a brain and not just a body to fuck. One last email before her screen time was up, she figured, this one from Mila.

_ To:  _ _ lilith.hardy.victor@capitol.org _

__ _ From:  _ _ riverflow@District2.org _ __

__ _ Hi! _

__ _ I hope that you’re feeling better. I’m just emailing to tell you that I will be finishing up school soon! I’ve really enjoyed myself and will expect top marks. All that time taking care of you paid off! I’m not actually kidding, none of my other classmates have had to hold someone’s stomach closed as they bleed out. Real-world experience! Yay! _

__ _ I’ll be home in just a week. Enjoy your break from training and I’ll see you soon. _

__ _ Love, Mila  _


	89. Chapter 83

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ursula and Nathan come to District 2.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: past rape/non-con (briefly mentioned along with an assassination attempt)

_ Lilith was concerned about the way her sister was growing up, because from the moment Ursula heard about the Victor’s injuries, she focused in on coming to District 2. _ “Not because you got hurt or Rylan died, but because you won’t have to train now,” Killian snorted over the phone the next day. Lilith sighed; she must do something to build up Ursula’s compassion for others. 

“Well, whatever her reasons, she is correct. I can take them now and welcome the opportunity,” Lilith replied. “At least she still  _ likes  _ me.”

“Oh, about that, she’s been bullying little Rue lately,” Killian said. “The baby is too loud, apparently. Toddler, I should say, she can walk and talk.”

“Then it’s best she’s removed from that situation. I have been released from the hospital, so it should be simple to arrange accommodations. Talk to the twins, would you? I’ll call back later.” Lilith hung up and looked over from where she was lounging on the Riverwills’ sofa. Helena stood in the kitchen, toasting bread for Pietr’s lunch before he went off to train. 

“Helena?” Lilith tried not to irritate her cracked rib as she lowered herself into her wheelchair.

“Yes, dear?” Mila must have inherited her ability to switch moods rapidly from her mother because Helena snapped to attention, a caring mother from a cook, incredibly quickly. “Do you need anything? Water, maybe?”

“I have a glass, thank you,” Lilith replied. This is a rather bigger ask. As I will not be training tributes anymore, I can take care of my siblings, and they have both been begging to visit. Would you be willing to take them in or should I rent a room somewhere else?” 

“They can stay here, of course!” Helena said. “I wouldn’t think of turning you out, and I’ve heard only good things from my children.”

“Really? Nathan is no saint, but Ursula can be a real piece of work,” Lilith challenged lightly.

“Have you met Pietr? You’re probably a wonderful parent and Jason and I can handle ourselves just fine. Our house is massive and there’s plenty of space for everyone.” Helena’s tone broached no argument. 

“Great, thank you. I will arrange for a train. Does tomorrow or the next day sound good?” Lilith asked. 

Killian, Jacob, and Seeder pulled off the miracle of getting the twins organized and packed within hours so that they were on their way, accompanied by a reluctant Killian. The train arrived at dinnertime that night.

“I don’t want to go meet Ursula and Nathan,” Carson complained as the family was preparing. His parents looked absolutely shocked at the statement, but Lilith just laughed.

“That is so rude! They’re your friends,” Jason scolded his son. 

“Nathan’s friendly. Ursula forgets that she’s five years younger than the youngest of us,” Oliver said in support of his brother. 

“My sister is hard to be around sometimes, I agree,” Lilith said. “Don’t worry, though, she’ll be too busy bothering me to even pay attention to you all.” 

“I like Ursula,” Pietr said blithely. Lilith laughed again: of course, the two energetic children were made for each other. 

Lilith proved to be right. While Nathan greeted the Riverwills soon after hugging his sister, Ursula immediately climbed on the Victor’s lap.

“What are you doing? First of all, you’re not five, and Lilith just got out of the hospital!” Killian exclaimed. Lilith smiled up at him through her sunglasses. He and Jacob were dealing with their issues and loved each other too much to even think of splitting up, as both had told her in the past days. Killian seemed sober and content now.

“Pay attention to me!” Ursula demanded, poking a finger into Lilith’s chest. “I came all this way to see you.”

“Yes, and I appreciate it. How have you been?” Lilith moved her sister’s reaching hands away from her sunglasses. “What are you doing?” 

“You aren’t looking at me. Take them off! All I’ve wanted for weeks is to see you,” Ursula pouted. 

“Ursula, I have a severe concussion. Sunlight hurts my eyes. Now that you are here, with me, how about you say thank you to our hosts?” Ursula nodded seriously at her sister’s command. She was difficult with others but would do anything Lilith wanted her to, it seemed. Killian and Jason unloaded the twins’ bags before the Victor left, ready to get back home. He had a relationship to fix. 

The table was cheerful and full that night. Helena quit pestering Lilith about her picky eating, knowing that the Victor preferred her siblings to not be aware of the depth of her eating disorder, but did pile her plate high. Lilith couldn’t refuse that generosity. 

“How’s school been?” Ursula asked Oliver briskly. “You go to a building, right?”

“You don’t?” Oliver looked at the seven-year-old, confused.

“No, the entire family takes online classes,” Lilith said. “There aren’t any schools in our region back in District 11.”

“You meant to say back home,” Nathan said to his sister, hurt in his eyes. The Riverwills watched the exchange quietly, the boys old enough to understand what was going on here.

Lilith hesitated. Was District 11 her home? She liked it, sure, but negative memories of even Victors’ village overwhelmed the good. She’d suffered for years in the fields before getting stabbed and raped in the woods, which reminded her of hikes with Brandon anyway. Jay lived in Victors’ Village and her negativity overthrew her friendly relationships with the other Victors. Besides, Mila lived in District 2 and she was the only one that Lilith would ever care this much for, she just knew it. Nathan wouldn’t understand any of that, though. “Yeah, that is what I meant. It was a slip of the tongue.”

After the twins were in bed, tired from the train journey and game night with the Riverwills, Lilith lay in bed. She couldn’t sleep for several reasons. One was that her head pounded from the loud tone Ursula used and she needed to ice the still-dark bruise. The second was that she would have to find the words to describe how her attachment to District 2 was stronger than to District 11 so that Ursula and Nathan would understand. The third was that she had a meeting to attend.

“Greetings, Miss Hardy,” Alma Coin said coolly. Lilith smiled tightly: everyone on the planning team had told the woman that putting Lilith in front of a screen with such a major concussion was a terrible idea, but she hadn’t seemed to care. 

“Greetings to you too, Mrs. President. Thank you for meeting with me.” 

Charles was one of the naysayers. “Thank  _ you  _ for risking your health.”

“Miss Hardy understands the necessary sacrifices,” Coin snapped. Lilith subtly turned the volume down. 

“I do. And I have it better than the soldiers, who will undoubtedly be executed. How is Rylan doing?”

“Quite well, actually,” Charles said. “She was in shock at first and took a day to understand what was going on, but she’s energetic to help us out now.”

“This plan was worth the sacrifice,” Coin agreed. “District 13 will always need more young people. We have other spies. Now, I know you are not around screens much, but please continue working on your plans.”

“I will not risk writing anything down on paper, so it will be a few weeks before I begin planning again,” Lilith said. 

“Beyond that, I wanted to thank you for your willingness to get injured,” Coin said with no actual care behind her words. Lilith let a small breath out of her nose. This woman was such an enigma. 

“I wanted Rylan to be safe and the injuries are worth the positive results. Are you allowed to tell me how the plan will not be revealed through questioning? Torture, that is?” Lilith asked stiffly.

“It was your idea,” Charles said. “The soldiers, excepting the two that transported away with Lilith, all took a drug that cannot be perceived convincing them that they were watching the road to target and kill Miss Jericho. You were in the way and foreign besides. That is their story and they won’t reveal anything else.”

“Good. Not for them, but for the cause,” Lilith acknowledged. 

“Well, now that you’re clear of your innocence, I am going to sign off. Get back to work soon,” Coin said. She logged out of the call without another word.

“I won’t keep you for long. How are you feeling?” Charles asked, intensely sympathetic suddenly.

“Fine considering everything. My siblings arrived today and that’s always a good thing,” Lilith replied. 

“And what about the stop to your athletic career? Temporary, of course, but still,” Charles said.

“Honestly, I would have had to stop anyway. I can use this time to strengthen my muscles and figure out how to train without developing injuries,” Lilith said with real relief in her voice. 

“Well, I’m glad it worked out,” Charles said. “You have a good night.”

“You too.” Lilith sighed as the pressure from her eyes faded with the screen. Coin didn’t care much about her personally, compassion wasn’t in the job description. She was a damn good and qualified leader who could make tough calls and that was what mattered in the end. 


	90. Chapter 84

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lilith is in for a surprise when Mila arrives home early

_ “What’s that building called?” Ursula asked. Lilith was taking her siblings on a tour of the Academy two days after their arrival, learning how to move herself in the wheelchair as she went. _

“That is the school for grades one through eight,” Lilith said. “Junior high. The bigger building behind it is the high school. So Pietr is in his last year of junior high while Oliver and Carson are high schoolers. Carson’s close to graduating, actually.”

“Oliver skipped a grade too,” Nathan informed Lilith as if his sister didn’t know already.

“Yes. He is in tenth grade. Now, the athletics section is coming up. Careers are trained here but the Academy also houses many other, highly competitive teams such as gymnastics or basketball. Their running teams are quite accomplished as well.”

“You know so much,” Ursula said admiringly. Lilith’s face reddened as she shrugged.

“I’ve been living here. You will get familiar with the area if you stay.”

“You mean that we can stay? You won’t have to leave again?” Nathan asked hopefully.

“I cannot promise that, but I have no plans to be away from you two for the moment,” Lilith replied, not letting the pain of Nathan’s low expectations come through in her voice. “I should be able to bring you to the Capitol again too. Seeder and Chaff will be mentoring this year so I have a break.”

“And will we be able to watch the Games?” Ursula, with eagerness shining in her eyes, of course. 

“Yeah, you’re old enough, I think,” Lilith said. She looked over when the sound of running feet reached her ears. Her old training group, led by a poorly-dressed-for-exercise Enobaria, came from around the corner at a decent pace. 

“Who are they?” Ursula asked, jumpy like she usually got around new people.

“My former trainees. Let’s get out of the way.” Lilith gently pushed the twins off the side of the pathway and then got down herself just as the teenagers came closer. Selma was on the far right side and made no effort to move around Nathan, who was sent stumbling away from the impact. The boy who rarely shed tears began to cry.

“What the hell?” Lilith snapped, stopping herself from throttling Selma by wheeling the few feet over to Nathan. 

“Selma, you could have moved,” Enobaria told the girl. “Apologize to Lilith.”

“That’s Lilith?” This came from Paula, her mouth open in shock. She wasn’t the brightest tool in the box. 

“I don’t need to apologize,” Selma snapped. “The kid should have moved out of the way.”

“What happened to you?” Paula asked Lilith, who was now helping Nathan up and looking him over. His clothes were dirty from where he’d fallen but he seemed otherwise unhurt. 

“Rylan was killed and I was hurt. Didn’t you hear? Also, Selma, you’re ten years older than Nathan. Act like it and apologize.” Lilith wiped her brother’s tears away while glaring at the two girls. 

“Sorry for running into your kid,” Selma grumbled. 

“Nathan and Ursula are not my children, they are my siblings. And I do accept your apology. Enobaria, I know that you might not appreciate my advice, but if you take the trainees onto the mountain trails, you can avoid situations like this.”

“I plan on it.” Enobaria shook her head at Selma. “That one has quite the attitude, you were right.”

“What’s wrong with your teeth?” Nathan was still teary-eyed but had spotted Enobaria’s mouth. Ursula watched the scene warily.

“Nothing, I had them sharpened. I tore people’s throats out in my Games and wanted to remind people of that,” Enobaria said. Nathan’s jaw dropped while Ursula immediately turned her attention to the Victor. 

“That’s so cool! How do you eat, though? Do you tear your tongue when you chew?”

Laugher broke out around the teenagers, excepting Selma, and Enobaria struggled with her answer for the moment. “Well, she clearly shares your mind, Lilith. Chewing is more difficult now, but I can manage.”

“I have been rude. These are my siblings, Ursula and Nathan. Kids, these are Enobaria, who won the year after I did, and my former trainees, Paula, Martin, Jakob, Ashton, Heidi, Chantelle, and Selma.”

“You have another brother, right?” Jakob this time. Did these kids not pay attention to the Hunger Games?”

“Brandon was the first to die in the last Hunger Games. Stepped off the starting block.” Lilith’s lip twitched when not one of the teens offered sympathy. “He was deaf and knew he didn’t stand a chance.”

“Whatever.” Selma murmured under her breath. Enobaria must have sensed Lilith’s instinct to attack the teenager, because she steered the whole group away.

“Well, it was nice to meet you, Ursula and Nathan. Sorry for the trouble.”

Lilith shook her head as the group headed away and towards the woods. “Unbelievable. She is such a brat. Are you really fine, Nathan?”

“Yeah. No scrapes or anything,” Nathan said. “Can I have ice cream, though?”

Lilith sighed. “Sure, but just a little bit.” Both twins squealed in delight. Why was giving them sugar so rewarding for Lilith?

It turned out that everyone was in for a surprise. Pietr sprinted out of his house the moment he spotted the Hardys. “Mila’s back! Mila’s back!”

“She’s not supposed to graduate for a week!” Lilith leaned back in her chair, completely taken off-guard. The front door opened again and Mila appeared, grinning widely. 

“Hi! Oh my, it’s been a while!” Mila squealed like a child, leaning down to hug her girlfriend. She looked good, less tan than before and a little thinner. Her hair was longer as well, reaching down to her lower back now. 

“You lied to me. You aren’t supposed to have graduated yet,” Lilith laughed. 

“I took advantage of your concussion,” Mila admitted. “I will be checking you over this afternoon, by the way.”

“I wouldn’t expect anything less,” Lilith said resignedly. “It’s so good to see you.”

“I really missed you. Now, let’s get into the house. My mother planned everything, she’s brilliant.” Mila smiled at the twins, who were watching the Victors with identical expressions. “You two have grown! How have you been?” 

“A mean girl ran into me,” Nathan said.

“What? When?” Mila stepped towards the boy. 

“A trainee of mine with a severe attitude decided not to move out of his way,” Lilith explained. “He seems okay, but now that you’re here, could you check him out?”

“Yeah, of course. We should all come inside anyway, it’s cold and there’s a party to enjoy.” Mila let the twins inside first then Lilith, squeezing her partner’s hand as she passed. The stress of six months in an intense program had taken its toll on her body but she glowed with confidence. Her mind was sharper and tougher now, Lilith was sure of it. 

“There you three are. It’s getting late,” Helena Riverwill said from the kitchen, which was lined with colorful streamers like the rest of the usually-plain downstairs. Balloons populated the ceiling. 

“We’ll try to be back sooner next time,” Lilith promised, gripping Mla’s hand in her own. “How long have you known that Mila was coming back today?”

“Four days. My communicative daughter didn’t give me a whole lot of warning,” Helena said with a reproachful glance at her daughter, who let her breath out in an irritated noise.

“I’m sure she had plenty of exams, honey,” Jason, back from work two hours early, said from where he and his sons sat on the couch in front of a table of great-looking snacks. 

“Thank you. I performed surgery with two other students! It wasn’t really major because none of us are trained surgeons but still,” Mila pouted. Then she broke into a smile again. “I appreciate everything you’ve done, Mom.”

“Of course you do. Now go have some private time with your girlfriend before dinner, please,” Helena said. “Go! The second living room!”

“You come too, Nathan,” Lilith invited. She, her brother, and Mila entered the empty room. Nathan nodded and sat on a chair, letting Mila look him over.

“Do you feel any pain?” Mila squeezed different parts of Nathan’s body and perceived no injuries. “You’re fine. You could use a shower, though.”

“Cool!” Nathan raced off, going to shower, most likely. Lilith lifted herself onto the couch, which was relatively easy because she did have the use of her right foot. 

“You have managed to get yourself injured again,” Mila said reproachfully, settling down beside Lilith.

“It was for a good cause this time. Are your parents aware that Rylan is alive?” Lilith latched onto her girlfriend and felt herself relax completely.

“Yes, but not my brothers. I assume the twins think the kid is dead as well?”

“Yeah. So do the Rockwells, as they’re clearly not rebels,” Lilith replied. “You look good. A little pale, but good.”

“I feel great. You, meanwhile, have a very large bruise on your head,” Mila said, brushing her fingers lightly over the wound. “You were lucky to escape a cracked skull to go with your rib. Also, what’s with the foot injuries?”

“Too much training. Can we please not fall back into this pattern right now? I really missed you. My doctor.” Lilith leaned up to kiss Mila, who immediately melted into it. “Besides, that cake that I smell won’t eat itself.”


	91. Chapter 85

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lilith attends the trial and execution.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: death, mention of child death, brief description of injuries, homophobia/transphobia, past child abuse

_ “What is your full name?” Judge Smith asked sternly. Lilith returned eye contact, ignoring how the bright lights of the courtroom hurt her head, and straightened her back. _ The judge was overseeing this case himself because the soldiers didn’t have a lawyer and Rylan’s had to do practically nothing to get Judge Smith to the maximum punishment. 

“Lilith Hardy. No recorded middle name.”

“What is your business in District 2?”

“I was asked to train two groups of possible tributes for the upcoming Hunger Games.”

“You completed that duty very well by all reports. What was your relationship to the victim, Rylan Jericho?”

“Rylan was my trainee and I was helping prepare a case against her parents for abuse while she stayed with the Rockwells.”

“Miss Hardy, whatever Rylan Jericho believed himself to be, there is nothing legal about his choice as a transgender. Use male pronouns, please.”

Julia sniffed from her place in the stands and Hunter gasped in shock, but Lilith just inclined her head. “Noted, Judge Smith.”

“Good. Why were you in the car with Mr. Jericho on the early afternoon of January 24th?”

“I was driving him to the store for an outing the Rockwells and I felt was much-needed for his mental health.”

“Were there any signs of trouble before you encountered the soldiers?”

“No, sir. Not that I could tell.”

“Interesting. Could you briefly describe your conversation with the soldiers?”

“One young woman, the one to the far right-” Lilith gestured to the soldier, who didn’t look up from the floor- “came up to the drivers’ window and demanded to see my identification. She asked similar questions as you just have, such as what I am doing in District 11 and why I was on the road. I know now that our car was the only one they stopped.”

“What triggered their attack, do you think?”

“I moved too suddenly in putting my identification away. It was a lapse in judgment but not one that would usually warrant such an aggressive reaction.”

“Agreed. And what are the extent of your injuries?”

Lilith glanced down at the paper in front of her. “A severe concussion, bruising on the left side of the head and across the torso, and a cracked right rib. I also sustained two foot injuries, a stress reaction in the left foot and a worn ligament in the left ankle, which are unrelated to the attack and that I should have been treating prior to it.”

“And are these the soldiers that caused you the majority of those injuries?”

“I can positively identify the one I spoke to but only caught glimpses of the others’ faces.”

“Thank you, Lilith Hardy, victor of the 61st Hunger Games. My questioning is finished. The judge brings up Nicholas Quill Rockwell, the Victor of the 56th Hunger Games...”

Lilith wanted to pay attention to the rest of the trial, but it was all she could so to keep from collapsing in pain. She should have been allowed to wear sunglasses on the witness stand. Julia kept giving her water, but it wasn’t enough. Mila arrived quietly, probably alerted by her mother, and convinced a guard to let Lilith leave for medical reasons.

“That was really stupid,” Mila chided as she wheeled her partner outside and under a shaded patch of trees. “You have brain damage, Lilith, you can’t be without sunglasses in a bright room.”

“What other choice did I have? Court rules say that no witness can have any sort of eye covering on barring visible traumatic injury to the eyeballs, which I don’t have.” Lilith rubbed her head, sighing in relief at the permission to close her eyes.

“Fair enough. You’ll be expected to attend the execution too, of course.” Mila’s tone shifted to one of dread. “Get your sunglasses on. The Jerichos are coming.”

Lilith hissed and slipped her sunglasses on, making a real effort to look up. Ochre and Germaine Jericho were approaching, dressed in all black and with dark faces. 

“What made you think that you could leave like that?” Germaine demanded. “The trial wasn’t over!”

“My apologies. I truly wanted to stay but the lighting gave me a migraine,” Lilith replied mildly. 

“Oh, sure. A good excuse,” Germaine snorted.

Mila opened her mouth to protest, but Ochre beat her to it. “Honey, that is a completely legitimate excuse. Concussions are quite a challenge. Anyway, Lilith, that’s not our issue with your stance. What makes you think we abused our son?”

“First of all, Rylan was your daughter,” Mila began. Lilith cut her off with a jab to the ribs.

“What Mila means to say, respectfully, is that you did not respect your child’s identity and she sustained injuries difficult to self-impose in your house. That seems like proof to me.”

“What do you know about Rylan? I know that my son was sick.” Germaine curled his lip. “So yes, I may have hit him. The little good that did, hanging around you queers.”

“Sick like me? Sick like us?” Mila challenged. “Why hire us as trainers if we have this sickness that might spread to your children?”

“Lilith is careful and so is Enobaria. You would have done fine as a trainer, Mila. What is absolutely unacceptable is that you supported Rylan’s fantasy.” Ochre stepped beside her husband, frowning sternly. Lilith nor Mila felt any hint of fear: they’d faced much worse than this woman, high-up place at the Academy besides.

“Look, I apologize for any pain I might have caused you in taking care of your child, but I am educated and know that being transgender is real. It’s a pity you don’t know that too. I will not attend her funeral if you don’t want me to.”

“You are an upstart. You know nothing!” Germaine hissed, making a move on Lilith. Mila got in his way, icy-eyed and just like the girl who had mowed down nine tributes three and a half years before. Germaine backed off immediately. 

“I thought so. Now, we will see you for the execution. Don’t approach us if you can’t be polite.”

Lilith whistled softly as the Jerichos hurried away. “You got protective there.” 

“You could normally crush him, but not now. Not with your injuries.” Mila smiled down at Lilith. “Julia just texted. The execution will be in two hours. How about we grab some lunch?”

The Victors went to the Academy’s café, followed by the stares of onlookers, and caught each other up on what had been going on. 

“I’ve heard so little about your school experience. Where did you study? Who were your classmates?” Lilith asked eagerly, sipping on her cranberry juice. 

“I mostly spent my time assisting University doctors. I had all of the basics down, and more hands-on experience than many others, so the administration decided to send me right into work.” Mila’s eyes glowed as she spoke about her experience, but her excitement was underlaid with dread. The upcoming execution lay heaviest on her, being so sensitive to others’ pain. 

“What kinds of situations did you deal with?” 

“Things like your stabbing. Not many were as severe, but I’m best at stitching wounds. Blunt trauma is another one of my specialties. I can hold my own in minor surgeries and with childbirth. Only one died on me, a small boy whose family had left him home alone with a knife rack in reach.” Mila shivered. “He’d lost a liter of blood by the time he arrived at the hospital. Capitol technology can heal many injuries but not damage like that. The family tried to blame me but it was completely their fault.”

“It’s good that you don’t blame yourself.” Lilith smiled as the waiter approached the table, carrying two plates of food. “Thank you.” She tucked right into her rice bowl.

“People can be really stupid. Anyway, I really did learn a lot and have a great time. All of my classmates were older than me but we got along well.” Mila took a bite of her sandwich and let the conversation taper off. “Do you really want to go to the execution?”

“Yeah. I owe it to Rylan,” Lilith replied swiftly. That was part of the truth, but both understood the soldiers’ sacrifice. The Victors had memorized each one’s name and the brief bios provided by Charles.

Later, as Lilith sat in an observation room, the Victor reflected on their lives.

Eva Pirella was the first to be killed, strapped to a chair, with electricity dancing over her. She and her brother Trey, watching from an identical chair with wet eyes, were originally from District 6 and had gotten involved with the rebels in their teens, soon becoming expert spies with their background in thievery due to poverty. By all reports, Eva had been a calculating but warm woman. She died quickly, falling limp without a scream. Trey, a charming man with a string of girlfriends behind him who was smart enough not to get caught, took thirty seconds to die. 

Silvia Archer, stunning with greenish-black hair and gray eyes, stared down her executors coolly. She was deceptive, witty, and a verified genius. Born in District 13 and only eighteen, this had been her first mission. Something must have been going on for Coin to have sent someone so young. Maybe the rumors surrounding her propensity to attack others were true. She howled as the electrocution machine turned on and Lilith flinched at the volume.

Lorcan Moors had lost his entire family (a husband and three young children, along with the woman who’d carried them) to the outbreak in District 13 and been lost since then, so this mission had become his new obsession. He jerked wildly and lit up with electricity, eyes rolling back into his head. It was a relief to everyone watching when he died.

Renault Fraisier had been on the mission because of his big mouth. An article published from his position in District 4 on the 63rd Hunger Games had attracted even more punishment because of its rebellious wording and gotten half a town killed, sending him fleeing back to District 13 desperately. Coin wanted to be rid of him as soon as possible. He fell still almost right away.

Isa Glacier was the only one of the soldiers to truly break down. She was thirty-five and sensitive to any kind of insult but also reckless, so she’d pulled many strings to be on this mission. Her District 9-born mother, widowed after the outbreak, had been absolutely crushed by her decision. The five soldiers who had gotten away were wonderful spies and necessary to the rebellion, and Isa hadn’t qualified as one of them. The woman held up for two minutes and Ochre ran out of the room halfway through, looking very nauseous.

Lilith would not forget these men and women, thrown aside in place of one young woman and the Victor’s safety. 


	92. Chapter 86

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lilith meets with Rylan and Opal

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: mention of past assasination attempts, depiction of injury, past self-harm, past violence, past character death
> 
> Disclaimer: I know next to nothing about concussions and apologize for anything I write that is factually untrue.

_Lilith was falling. She looked around, desperately trying to see where she was, but the blast of pain in her head stopped that movement before it began. She was surrounded by darkness anyway._

_  
“Lilith... help me....” a voice called. Kite? Lilith remembered the way she’d cut his throat during the final battle._

_  
“How dare you? I should have been able to get back to Enobaria. You’re just a fake,” Quartz sneered._

_  
“How can you face my family after cutting me down? So cruel. You don’t deserve to be alive.” Norman Rockwell shouted this, appearing suddenly before the Victor with blood dripping from his stomach._

_  
Why did this always happen in Lilith’s dreams? She hissed her irritation. All of this was true: she didn’t need physical representations of it during her sleep. It circled through her head daily. She landed suddenly, finding herself lying in the fields where she’d worked for so many years of her life._

_  
“Hello, Lilith,” Lucy Gray Baird’s wavering but confident voice said. Lilith stood, her foot and rib burning, feeling a tightness in her throat. “No, don’t, you’ll hurt yourself._

_  
“More than you already have, I mean,” Lucy corrected, her tanned and skeletal face crinkling as she spoke. Lilith sighed and slid back to the ground._

_  
“Why did you never reveal yourself to me? You even had your students watch the 10th Hunger Games how they really were. I’m not so sure about the others, but I would have kept your secret. It’s basically what I do.” Lilith struggled to get through her words, reaching up to feel her throat. Swollen._

_  
“Oh, you were just a child,” Lucy replied. “You’re hardly trustworthy now.”_

_  
“What-” Lilith found herself unable to continue, choking for air._

_  
“All those things you tell yourself are true and will always be true. Remember that, Murderess.”_

“Lilith, wake up,” Mila’s voice sounded. Lilith came back to herself with a rush of pain in her head.

  
“Shit, was I thrashing?” Lilith groaned.

  
Mila adjusted her grip around her girlfriend. “Yeah, I had to hold you down to keep you from hurting yourself.”

  
“Sorry. The execution must have triggered my nightmares.” Lilith allowed herself to relax into Mila’s arms.

  
“I can imagine. The electric chair is just so harsh, the soldiers should have just been shot.” Mila shook her head.

  
“They shouldn’t have been killed at all,” Lilith pointed out. “But the Jerichos decided to be terrible parents and now they are.”  
“Yeah,” Mila snorted. “You’re right. So, how about I get some ice for your head before our meeting?”

  
“Our meeting?” Lilith regretted her attempt to sit up and lay back down. “Fuck! Can you get some pain medication too, please?”

  
“Yeah, of course,” Mila said, disappearing into the hallway. The nightlight was enough for her to see. Lilith felt her body as she waited for her girlfriend to return: she hadn’t scratched herself with her inhumanly strong fingers. The thrashing had activated pain in her ribs, however.

  
“Here you are.” Mila helped Lilith swallow her twice-daily pain meds with such gentleness that the older Victor couldn’t take offense. “Alright, I’m gonna attach this ice to your head. Where are the bandages?”

  
“On my desk in the corner,” Lilith replied, holding the ice to her head. Mila secured it with a smile after Lilith slipped a presentable shirt over her bra.

  
“You ready?”

  
“For this,” Lilith said. She headed into the hallway, grabbing her sunglasses on the way. “Alright, let’s go.”

  
Charles entered the call after only a few seconds, and Lilith grinned at the person in the background. “Hi, Rylan!”

  
Rylan Jericho looked great, with only faded bruises on her face, which was thinner than before. Her chest looked more like a biological girl’s as well. “Have you had surgery?”

  
“Yeah, President Coin approved it right away. I can be a real girl, isn’t that great?”

  
“You were always a real girl,” Lilith said, and Charles nodded in agreement.

  
“Yes, but I’ll look like one soon,” Rylan countered. “That way I can be a spy. Was I supposed to say that?”

  
“If this call has been compromised, we have bigger problems than your future. Lay off the information dump, though,” Charles said.

  
“Are you okay, Lilith?” Rylan leaned on her crutches.

  
“Oh, you know. Just a concussion.” Lilith downplayed her injuries with a hand wave. “The bandage is holding ice to it.”

  
“Not just a concussion. It’s a severe concussion plus a cracked rib, not to mention the stress reaction.”

  
“The stress reaction in my foot that has nothing to do with Rylan,” Lilith argued. Charles’ laugh broke up their fight while Rylan stared rather longingly.

  
“You never mentioned loving Mila in training,” Rylan said plaintively.

  
“I wasn’t allowed to, Mila wouldn’t have said anything either,” Lilith explained. “District 2 is extremely homophobic as a whole, if you hadn’t noticed.”

  
“Possibly.” Rylan’s smile faded as her eyes fell on the ice around Lilith’s head. “I really am sorry to cause you all this trouble.”

  
“I made the choice to help you, and late besides. It’s the soldiers that got the worst of the deal. They were killed yesterday.”  
“Executed? Shit.” Rylan’s eyes filled with tears for a moment. “They did that for me?”

  
“Those soldiers sacrificed themselves for a young person who will help add to District 13’s population. You are also well-educated so you can play a role as an engineer or some other occupation that will help the cause,” Charles explained.

  
“Add to the population? I’m supposed to have kids? I like women, not men, and I won’t be able to get anyone pregnant or be pregnant after my full transition.” Rylan looked alarmed, eyes widening.

  
“Relax. We have stores of sperm so you can have a family. Gay marriage is allowed here as long as couples promise to at least attempt conception. Coin really does not care who marries who,” Charles reassured Rylan, who nodded, clearly relieved.

  
“So if we end up in District 13, we could be married?” Mila asked hopefully.“If you’re over twenty, yes,” Charles replied. “Is it not legal in District 11? I know it’s unacceptable in District 2.”

  
“There are movements to legalize it, but no,” Lilith said. She hoped that the throbbing pain in her head wasn’t obvious to anyone else.

“Hey, can I join?” A sleek black-haired head popped into the shot. Opal Bird, looking pale from a lack of sun but healthy otherwise. She would be fifteen now, Lilith remembered.

  
“Of course, Opal, it’s great to see you!” Mila grinned.

  
“How do you know each other?” Rylan asked.

  
“Lilith got me out of District 12... a year ago now,” Opal explained. “My father was abusive too, especially after my sisters died in the Hunger Games.”

  
“Didn’t Lilith kill your sister?” Rylan wondered.

  
“Yes,” Lilith cringed. “I was wondering why you asked me for help myself.”

  
“Hailey set herself up to be killed. I know that now, though it doesn’t make me miss her any less,” Opal said. “A fire and a loud conversation? Come on, she was smarter than that. Lilith clearly didn’t want to kill her and I wanted her to win over the Careers. I just fixated on her, I guess, and eventually succeeded. What took you so long to reply?”

  
Lilith glanced away, overcome by bad memories for a moment. “Mila, Killian, and his partner Jacob kept fan letters from me for a full year. My brother Brandon eventually showed me, and I decided to read them all at once. I... it didn’t go well.”

  
“She cut her wrist open. We read mail together and reply to some every few days now.” Mila squeezed Lilith’s shoulders, showing her support. “That was our fault and Lilith acted quickly after that. I’m sorry for your prolonged suffering.”

  
“It’s good to have an explanation. I’m safe now and that’s what matters.” Opal smiled softly as Rylan tried to take in what she’d been told.

  
“Opal came in with a decent education and is excelling in her classes. She will make a wonderful engineer.” Charles nodded at the girl.

  
“Is being an engineer your preferred profession?” Mila asked.

“A weapons engineer now, yeah,” Opal confirmed with no hesitation. “Your father is one of the people whose work I follow, Mila.”

  
“So he does work with District 13,” Mila said with little surprise. “I figured but he never speaks about his work.”

  
“Rightly so,” Charles rushed before Opal could give away anything more. “Rylan nor Mila has the clearance to be in on this information.”

  
“Lilith does?” Opal cocked her head. The others looked at Charles expectantly. He huffed out a breath, irritated with himself.

Lilith bit her lip guiltily: she’d been reading confidential documents on District 2’s weapons and how spies were doing for over a year now.

  
“She leapfrogged to the top quickly. She gives us key information and we trust her to hold up under questioning if she is ever caught. Also, planners must have access to everything we can give them.” Charles admitted this reluctantly. “None of you can spread this, of course.”

  
“No, no,” Rylan said. She was learning a lot in just a few minutes.

  
“Why didn’t you tell me you’re planning something in District 2?” Mila chided her girlfriend.

  
“I’m not, the metals 2 produces are the foundations of Capitol buildings,” Lilith replied. “I was told not to say anything, sorry.”

  
“I get it. It doesn’t help that I’ve been away,” Mila said, but the hurt look in her eyes told Lilith that she wouldn’t forgive this right away. She couldn’t do anything about that: Mila was allowed her feelings and Lilith had a job to do for the rebellion that required secrecy and deception.

  
“Now that everyone is understood and Rylan is sure that Lilith is okay, I have updates for the adults here.”

  
“Bye, great to see you two!” Opal waved and disappeared from the screen, trying to drag Rylan with her. Watching her become more and more energetic over the past year had been a joy for Lilith.

  
“Alright. I- I sound like a broken record here, but Lilith, I truly am sorry over your injuries.” Rylan resisted Opal’s demanding pull, staring with wet eyes at the screen. Lilith sighed.

  
“Again, Rylan, I chose to put myself in this position. While the soldiers could certainly have been slightly less harsh, the more I get hurt, the more the public cares about my health. If I have another accident, they’ll be suspicious, so the Capitol can’t attack or poison me again.”

  
“What?” Rylan was confused again.

  
“I’ll explain. Come on, Rylan,” Opal urged. The older girl acquiesced reluctantly.

  
“Wonderful,” Charles grumbled. “I don’t have anything to say, actually, I just want to spare Lilith’s head. You did read the documents I sent you, Lilith?”

  
“Yes, and it seems like the project is progressing nicely,” she said. “Thank you for this. It’s really nice to know that Rylan is safe.”

  
“The girl will do well here. Have a nice night, you two.” Charles logged off. His abrupt endings were an inside joke with those who met with him: he never acknowledged them and no one else did either.

  
“Okay, back to bed,” Mila ordered after the computer was shut down. “We both need sleep.”

  
Lilith agreed and unwrapped the ice around her head, placing the now-liquid relief into the freezer. She kept her shirt on and drifted off while comfortably settled against Mila. Rylan, Opal, and kids like them deserved a good life in a free world. Underground in District 13 offered some options but was far from perfect. Lilith would keep fighting for a better future, no matter the cost to herself.


	93. Chapter 87

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lilith visits with Hallina.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: non-graphic rape/non-con, mention of death, injury

_ “Thank you for coming!” Hallina Snow almost threw herself at Lilith in her joy. “It’s been too long.” _

__ Lilith responded with as much enthusiasm as she could muster, hugging Hallina back. “It really has. You look much tanner than before,” she said after a brief search for a complement. 

“Oh, thank you! That’s one positive from the beach,” Hallina laughed. She and Lilith were standing on one of the Capitol’s many train platforms on a breezy February day. “You seem alright considering your injuries.”

“Losing the crutches really helped,” Lilith said. “I’m excited to be out of District 2.”

“Traveling in itself is wonderful. Come, come,” Hallina said grandly, her voice much lower-volume than usual. She truly cared about Lilith’s health, unlike literally every other one of her clients. They had something of a real relationship, if completely unbalanced.

“Hallina, I hate to demand anything, but I am physically unable to perform our usual acts,” Lilith said hesitantly as Hallina helped her into a sleek limousine, two Avoxes toting her suitcase behind them.

“That makes total sense, you’re not being demanding,” Hallina replied sympathetically. “I don’t care for you just because you’re good at sex. You have an incredible mind and I’m perfectly fine to just talk tonight. There are other options for me.”

Lilith didn’t want to pry into what that meant, so she smiled in a show of deference. “I really appreciate it, Hallina.”

“Don’t even think about it. I need you to be healthy!” Hallina’s grin seemed fake, but Lilith had seen it on her many times before. Maybe she just wasn’t used to someone who’d grown up in the Capitol; Mila was just as peppy but always legitimate and natural.

The mansion Hallina used to meet with her mistresses stood out even among the Capitol’s eclectic collection. Its tall, mottled green-and-black tiles caught the eye of passerby and the windows invited visitors. The inside, as Lilith walked through it, gave off a feeling of comfort. It wasn’t overcrowded with needlessly expensive belongings.

That said, Lilith hated the bedroom, as it was lined with sex toys. She tried not to look at the whips. “Where will we sit tonight?”

“The couch should work just fine!” Hallina managed to flop down on the velvet couch gracefully. Lilith slid herself down carefully and leaned against Hallina, knowing that she expected full freedom to touch the Victor. 

“I have a few questions for you,” Lilith said carefully as Hallina locked her arms around her. “I’m sure you’ve heard about how there has been grumblings among the Districts surrounding Gloss’s victory and how it presented as a set-up. Are the Gamemakers doing anything new to counter this?”

“Rumblings, huh?” Hallina laughed. “More like printed rants. We certainly made an error last year.”

“Honestly, you didn’t need to set him up so much. Gloss is quite talented and wouldn’t have had much competition,” Lilith said, regretting bringing up the topic slightly, but knowing that Hallina could handle some of her more honest opinions.

“Your girl was certainly a contender along with her ally from 4,” Hallina replied.

“Paisley was really strong but Katrina was out of her league,” Lilith shrugged. “It would have been  _ nice  _ if she’d won, but it’s so hard for untrained tributes to win, especially in that situation.”

“We will be much more careful in the future. Wisp and Marcus have designed an Arena that no tribute will be familiar with unless they spend their time in the ruins of District 13,” Hallina said, letting her hands wander over Lilith’s stomach. She gave out information easily, as if it wasn’t completely classified. Maybe Lilith was less than human, not a real person with the ability to join the rebels and give them all of her data.

“What about the mutts?” Lilith pushed a little harder. 

“Nothing special. Rats, birds, coyotes,” Hallina said lightly. “No scorpions this time.”

So the Arena was an abandoned city or town. Lilith nodded, disguising her relief as pleasure and running her hands over Hallina’s hips. She was actually attracted to the woman’s body, which really helped matters.

“How do you still have scars from your stabbing?” Hallina frowned, feeling the area.

“I just never got rid of them, I guess,” Lilith shrugged. “It never occurred to me.”

“Does Mila mind?” Lilith visibly tensed, causing Hallina to pull away with a laugh. “Honey, I don’t care about you two. I believe in free love.”

“Sorry, it’s just the first time you’ve mentioned Mila,” Lilith said apologetically. “My control slips a bit when I get headaches.”

“Oh, yes, of course. Your head! I completely forgot to ask about it. Mila is a doctor now, isn’t she? Helpful to have around and so young.”

“Really,” Lilith said. “Sometimes doctors have to check for concussions, but mine was pretty obvious. The bruise has only just begun to fade and I was lucky to avoid a cracked skull. As it is, I’m sensitive to light and noise, so this ambiance is perfect, and I get drowsy easier than before. Headaches are pretty much daily. I’ve been eating high-protein foods, avoiding screens and staying away from big groups of people.”

“It seems like you have everything under control, then!” Hallina grinned. “I’m glad. You’re so tough...” she leaned in and kissed Lilith, a haze of adoration crossing her face. The Victor responded enthusiastically, tangled up with Hallina in a mess of arms and legs.

“So you know how I wrote to you about my horrible family? They are so not tough. My husband got a cut on his hand and acted like he was dying. You’re sitting here with brain damage and just fine!” Hallina exclaimed. Lilith flinched slightly at the noise. 

“I don’t know if I have brain damage yet. The concussion needs to heal more first,” Lilith deflected. Hallina rolled her eyes, discovering for the first time that Lilith would do anything to avoid praise. 

“Whatever! You’ve been stabbed, poisoned, put through the Hunger Games, and now attacked again.” Hallina’s immediate look of panic told Lilith that she wasn’t supposed to reveal the poisoning. It was the Victor’s turn to roll her eyes.

“I asked for a specially made drink at the Presidential mansion, where no one but your father-in-law is in control. No one else’s throat filled with a rare chemical.” Lilith twisted her lip. “I hope that this room isn’t bugged.”

“Absolutely not, I’d be dead,” Hallina said with the most strained laugh that Lilith had heard from her. “You’re a good sieve for information but I would be in so much trouble if my family found out! Or you spread it to anyone, but you’re trustworthy. Speaking of my family, I know that I told you this in my email, but the mothers were really insufferable. Three were pregnant and decided to drink! So ridiculous.”

“You said that you spent time with the kids,” Lilith prompted. The more she could get on the Snows, the better.

“Oh, yes, they were fantastic. The babies were quite cute and none really gave me trouble,” Hallina said in a softer tone. “There were so  _ many _ , though. Such a huge family.”

“How many siblings does Grayson have? I’ve always been curious.” Lilith asked this casually, leaning against Hallina’s now-bare chest. 

“Eight and each one is married.” Hallina shook her head. “Four sons and as many daughters. Yolanda is transgender, though.”

“Oh, so being transgender is okay in the Capitol but not in District 2?” Lilith sighed, aggravated. “The whole reason that I was driving Rylan Jericho to the store on a road with rogue xenophobic soldiers was because her parents refused to accept her as a girl and abused her. The kid needed help and should have gotten it at home.”

“District 2 is quite disgusting in its views, I agree,” Hallina sniffed. “Say what you will about my father-in-law, he doesn’t care who loves who or who identifies as what in his family as long as they keep up a sense of superiority.”

Lilith had to give Snow that. Pathetic and another similarity to Coin’s policy. “When have I ever said anything negative about President Snow?”

“Never, which is impressive,” Hallina replied, running her hand down Lilith’s head. “Oh, what an injury!”

“Please don’t,” Lilith hissed. “Touch me anywhere else, just not on the bruise.”

“Fair enough, I suppose.” Hallina transferred her grip to Lilith’s waist. “ _ Any _ where?”

Lilith had opened herself up for that one. Of course this night would end in sex. She did as many moves as she could, but had to bail out when Hallina tried to make her arch back. “Shit, Hallina, my rib-” she curled away, panicking, struggling to breathe.

“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry!” Hallina cried. “You said that you weren’t ready and I didn’t listen. That’s my fault.”

“It’s- it’s okay,” Lilith managed. “I just don’t have back flexibility to start with and my rib is only beginning to heal. The move was too much.” 

“I understand. How about I get us some food? Put your shirt on, relax. We can be done for tonight.” Hallina rushed off, shoving her shirt on as she went. 

“Sounds good.” Lilith wasn’t acting, but she let herself smirk as her hand fell across her bra. A hidden microphone was stitched in the seam so she didn’t have to spend time writing everything down from memory the next morning. She couldn’t pull it off during the Games, of course, but it worked now. 

Lilith had dedicated herself to the rebellion and could handle any of the pain that came with it. What was the other option? Grin and bear the hypocrisy and horror? She’d be punished for nothing whatever she chose to do. At least she could attempt to make a difference this way. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I Googled the symptoms to and treatment of a concussion. I am not a medical professional.


	94. Chapter 88

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lilith and the twins arrive at the Capitol and watch the Reaping.

_ Lilith’s wounds healed much slower than she would like over the the spring and summer, though Mila assured her that she was on track for a full recovery. _ She was under strict orders not to run, but the pool was open to her once turning her head didn’t cause a migraine and the bruise faded to a light color. Her new, highly regimented diet gave her proper nutrition and kept her thin as well. She was consistently a hundred pounds now, lighter than Mila would like but the result of an intense argument and negotiation. 

Just because Lilith couldn’t jump didn’t mean that she couldn’t lift weights or strengthen her core. There were plenty of activities to be done while babying her foot. Meanwhile, she returned to online school and completed another grade level, getting that much closer to her degree and learning a lot of interesting things. She managed to spend time with her siblings and Mila (who had little time herself as she was working in District 2’s general hospital full-time now) while fitting in the beginnings of a plan to place spies in District 1’s Academy. 

Ursula and Nathan grew three inches each in only five months. Lilith felt like she needed to buy them new clothes every few weeks but could relax about the cost: neither twin asked for or needed expensive everyday outfits.

Speaking of school, Lilith began to seriously consider what District the twins would be staying in. Jay seemed to have forgotten about her children, not checking in once despite the fact that Ursula and Nathan were so young and Lilith had gotten so injured. She called once to say that the twins were Lilith’s responsibility now then hung up.

Where did Lilith really want to be? The Riverwills’ offer of a place to stay would last as long as they were alive, as Helena kept repeating, and there was plenty of room for everyone. Lilith hated how homophobic District 2 was, but she just didn’t feel a connection to District 11 anymore. She could see Seeder, Killian, and Jacob online if really necessary and they were in contact because of the rebellion anyway. 

What now? Lilith sat on the train, racing its way toward the Capitol for the 64th Hunger Games. She would stay in District 2 with the twins and show up in District 11 when required. Fine, she had all she needed here and the rest of the furniture in her house could be sold. The client house would be harder to deal with, but she refused to worry about that right now. The twins, currently sleeping on the seat across from their sister, might be able to join the Academy. They were at the appropriate education level for their age. Brandon had already been Reaped for seemingly no reason, so there was a high chance that one or both could end up in the Hunger Games. It was best if they were prepared.

_ Do you know if non-District 2 citizens can enter the Academy? _ Lilith texted Nicholas. She got a reply right away from the Victor, who would be mentoring Martin this year. Heidi was the female tribute: both had volunteered and apparently done well. 

_ What, are you thinking of entering? _ Nicholas replied quickly. His humor had come back rapidly after Rylan’s “death.”

_ I would embarrass myself even more than I do living with Carson. No, I’m thinking of staying in District 2 for a few years and want Ursula and Nathan to get real schooling,  _ Lilith replied.

_ I see. That should be possible! Would they be training too?  _ Nicholas asked.

_ It seems safer, _ Lilith said.  _ They obviously wouldn’t be able to volunteer. _

__ _ I can arrange something. I’ll call you back, _ Nicholas said, then went radio silent. Lilith hoped that she hadn’t just made a mistake.

“Who were you texting with?” A sleepy voice said. Lilith looked up to see Nathan staring at her.

“Nicholas Rockwell. I was thinking that you two should attend the Academy if we’re sticking around.” Lilith sighed when Nathan, who tended to be emotional when tired, reacted dramatically.

“What? Why can’t we go home?” He cried. Ursula woke with a jerk.

“I don’t think of District 11 as my home anymore,” Lilith explained gently. “I prefer to be with Mila and her family in District 2, and you should stay with me.”

“What about Jay?” Ursula gave her brother a look of disgust.

“Jay doesn’t want us. We’re better off with Lilith. Besides, we don’t need anything in District 11, not really. I want to learn in a real school and train.” Ursula yawned. “It’s a good idea. I’m going back to sleep now.”

“I like District 11, though. I have more friends there and I’m okay with virtual school,” Nathan said softly, trying not to wake his sister again.

“I understand. It’s just much easier if we all live in District 2,” Lilith replied. “Come here, on my lap.”

“On your lap? I’m almost eight.” 

“That isn’t too old to cuddle. Come on.” Lilith grinned when Nathan gave in and approached, clambering onto the Victor’s lap. She leaned into his hair, breathing in the scent. “I don’t like change either, but I promise that you will be better off this way.”

Lilith wasn’t mentoring this year, but she wanted to be present in the Capitol because the working crew was making real progress on the bombs, spreading them around the city undetected. She also had clients to visit, but that was a given. 

Being away from Mila wasn’t too much of a drag. The two could function just fine apart and were in contact with each other constantly. It helped that Mila was thrilled, living her dream in the General Hospital. She was still able to check on Lilith’s well-healed rib and somewhat-healed head and they spent as much time as possible together.

Once Lilith and the twins were settled into the apartment and reconciled with Howard and the Avoxes, the Victor ordered food from a nearby kid-friendly restaurant and turned on the television. 

“These are the Reapings?” Ursula asked. “Who’s that man?” She wondered, pointing at a glitzily dressed Caesar Flickerman.

“Caesar Flickerman, a prominent interviewer and host. He’s been commentating on the Hunger Games for long than I’ve been alive. His outfits are always quite spectacular and never the same. He should be talking through this.”

“I know that girl!” Nathan exclaimed when District 1 came up. The escort, standing in front of a mass of strong teenagers, had barely finished calling up the original name in the bowl before Cashmere Poolshine stepped up to volunteer. She was about four inches taller than the year before and exuded confidence. 

“She’s the sister of last year’s Victor, Gloss,” Lilith told Nathan. “She will do well, I think.”

“He doesn’t seem very smart,” Ursula said as a tall, muscular boy named Ford Longines volunteered.

“No, he doesn’t,” Lilith agreed. “One thing you will learn is that Careers can never be counted out, though. He is clearly powerful and dangerous.”

“Yeah, but Cashmere can outsmart him,” Ursula countered.

“True.” Lilith smirked: her sister would grow into mature analysis with age. Her instincts were on the right path and the Victor now had a buddy to talk over Hunger Games events with. 

Martin and Heidi volunteered, of course. Paula’s name was called initially so the District would have a backup plan if Heidi chickened out, but nothing went awry and Caesar had nothing but compliments for the tributes. They were well-prepared and Enobaria seemed to have finished what Lilith started well. 

“They’re starving. Poor kids,” Nathan pouted through a bite of food during many of the Reapings. This included District 4, which must be being punished for something. 

“Whose names were in the bowl, the poorest possible?” Lilith murmured to herself. She would need to look into it. 

“Isn’t District 4 usually strong? Don’t they win a lot?” Ursula had picked up on the oddity too. Nathan looked in between his sisters, clearly frustrated with the analysis deficit. 

“They don’t have too many Victors, actually, but normally put up decent tributes. I mean, these two didn’t even  _ volunteer, _ ” Lilith said wonderingly. She took a bite of her pasta. “They might have hidden talents, though.”

“This is really mean. Why are you being so mean?” Nathan asked. “You’re judging kids who are going to their deaths.”

“That’s what the Hunger Games are about,” Lilith said. “It might seem cruel but this is the culture.”

“I don’t get it,” Nathan huffed. He was seriously out of his element here but Lilith couldn’t pander to his childishness at the moment. She’d need to nudge him out of those opinions too.

None of the tributes elicited a reaction other than pity from the Hardy sisters until District 10. A few here and there seemed somewhat promising, but they had no muscle and their ribs showed. They stood no chance against a reduced but intimidating Career pack.

Avery Wish and Curt McNamara from District 10 made an immediate impact on Caesar and the audience. Avery kept her head up and smiled widely as her name was called. Lilith detected her hidden fear but respected her mental strength. Curt was built like a woodchopper (probably his profession as farms did need fuel) and both seemed to be able to hold their own.

“That’s sad,” Ursula commented when District 11’s tributes were called. Melanie Vile and Ryce Povolu were both fifteen and starved. They wouldn’t last a day in the Arena. District 12 had unpromising tributes as usual.

“That’s it? There was no bloodshed,” Ursula complained. Lilith sighed and rubbed her sister’s hair. Two siblings, two completely different reactions to the Hunger Games. Go figure.

“That’s coming in just a few days. More than enough of it.”

_ Hey!  _ Lilith’s phone buzzed. Nicholas.  _ I got your siblings into the Academy! You just need to sign some papers.  _

__ Lilith didn’t bother asking how he’d pulled it off so quickly, typing out a thankful reply and virtually signing the papers. The rest could be dealt with after the Hunger Games. Nathan took the news relatively well, resigned now to the move. So life continued on despite the death about to rain down in the Arena. 


	95. Chapter 90

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lilith attends a party and tries to gather information.

“ _ So, how is training going?” Lilith asked Seeder two nights later. The Victors were attending Hallina’s yearly pre-interview party, a grand affair where the Gamemaker had little time for anyone. _ Lilith didn’t understand how she could balance work and hosting duties so close to the Hunger Games.

Seeder inclined her head, hopelessness crossing her face. “You saw them at the Reaping. Neither of them cried when they were called but that’s about the only positive thing I can say. They’re nervous, young, starving, and useless in training. They won’t think of approaching other tributes, even the weakest ones.”

“Too bad. Both Shale and Katrina finished third, so I was hoping that this year’s batch would keep that success going,” Lilith said. 

“Yeah. Both are polite, so I’m trying to keep their hopes up, but they won’t last long,” Seeder replied. “Anyway, how are you doing? What about the twins?”

“All good. I had to leave them with Ivanna, as I have tonight, yesterday because I was over at Shadow Shade’s, but they enjoy it there. Ursula will be asking me about getting a dog soon because she will get to play with the new puppy.”

“Why is that so bad? I can’t have a dog because several children I care for are allergic, but none of you seem to be,” Seeder said, brow creasing in slight confusion. Lilith sipped on her unpleasant-tasting but unpoisoned champagne and replied.

“A dog attacked Ursula when she was a child and Peacekeepers used dogs to keep workers peaceful, so I don’t like their company. Besides, I do not want to have another creature to take responsibility for.”

“Fair enough.” Seeder finished her drink. “I should probably leave now- I need to be up for training tomorrow and this old body requires sleep. Why don’t you go see the Gamemakers? They might be friendly.”

Seeder indicated Seneca Crane, Wisp Moth, Marcus Lychee, and Plutarch Heavensbee, who were laughing loudly at a table nearby. The former three’s work was done, but Heavensbee’s job hadn’t begun yet. Lilith wasn’t going to question his decisions, though. 

“Lilith Hardy!” Heavensbee exclaimed when the Victor approached. He was a loud, soppy drunk who was gaining weight year by year. Lilith suspected that he’d been working with the rebels for ages too, based on comments made by several of the planners. He was probably one of District 13’s government spies.

“Why do people always cry my name like it’s a surprise?” Lilith responded with much more enthusiasm than she usually projected, tottering slightly on her feet as if drunk. Not enough to be plied with drinks, though.

“You’re just a special person,” Seneca Crane practically drooled, leaning on a highly disapproving Wisp Moth. Lilith would never dare come near them in any other situation because of the air of superiority they exuded, but tonight they were almost totally relaxed. 

“May I join you?” Lilith sidled up to the table before the Gamemakers could babble out their acceptance. “I’m excited for the Hunger Games!”

“Me too. The Arena is actually interesting this year,” Wisp said, whining when Crane sloppily elbowed her in the ribs. “Hey! Hallina tells her everything anyway.”

“She’s been close-mouthed, actually,” Lilith lied. Hallina knew to fib even when extremely drunk: besides, Lilith happened to be aware that Hallina abhorred the three Arena-creators and would never open up to them in any way. Heavansbee’s chuckle told Lilith that he’d caught the lie.

“Oh. Wisp received glares from a rather reserved Marcus Lychee and Crane. “I’ll shut up now.”

“That would be a good idea,” Lychee snapped. “How about we have a conversation without sharing confidential information, Miss Hardy?”

“Sure. Just Lilith is fine in situations like this,” the Victor replied, taking a small sandwich and glass of champagne from a passing waiter. She vaguely recognized a kitchen Avox through the haze of noises and the effects from alcohol that clouded her mind with a headache.

Wisp did shut her mouth and only let out a few giggles during the conversation, which covered incredibly banal topics such as clothing. Well, banal to Lilith. Lychee and Crane got into an intense argument over what seemed to Lilith as a plain comment from the former. 

“The dress Lilith is wearing-” Crane indicated the lovely, bare-backed white velvet outfit Lilith wore with a matching set of pearls and heels- “is quite nice, but some of Garius Willowshine’s designs aren’t so wonderful. What was the peach-colored frilly thing he made a few seasons ago? So ugly.”

Lyche cleared his throat loudly enough to make those from the tables around them jump. Lilith couldn’t help but flinch and wished she had her sunglasses. “Excuse me? Do you know nothing of fashion? Or are you a naysayer who casts off the possibility of new ideas so easily? The Summer Peach Dress was a complete breakthrough.”

Crane’s jaw dropped in such a comical way that both Heavensbee and Lilith burst into laughter. Wisp dissolved into giggles and excused herself promptly. “What? You’re delusional! He didn’t even use proper velvet. The fit makes women look fat!”

“He chose a model that was over a hundred and ten pounds, of course she looked fat,” Lychee argued. “The dress was about allowing people to be more relaxed and to increase acceptance of different body types.”

“Ridiculous. If my wife ever goes over a hundred pounds, I’ll divorce her,” Crane scoffed. Lilith raised an eyebrow and Heavensbee looked distinctly uncomfortable with the comment.

“You’re a terrible husband! There’s more to a woman than her weight!” Lychee shot back. “You know that, right, Lilith? Mila is overweight and you still love her,” he slurred. 

“Ah... I see Gloss. I should probably check on him.” Lilith slipped away, understanding that only she would remember this scene the next morning. The sound of Marcus Lychee and Seneca Crane shouting at each other echoed through the hall.

“What’s going on over there?” Gloss Poolshine, handsome in a classic black suit, stood in the relative corner with a half-full drink.

“There is a disagreement over fashion,” Lilith replied. “I am sure that their professional relationship will survive this.”

“Yeah. Well, there’s no training another Gamemaker to take Crane’s place easily, so it’ll have to,” Gloss said.

“How are you doing? You seemed drunk earlier.”

“It must have been the headache,” Lilith deflected, internally cringing. She needed to be more subtle about her deceptions- not everyone at parties was blackout drunk. 

“Ooh, I imagine that’s pretty bad right now.” Gloss grimaced in sympathy. “I’m just here to distract myself from the Games, honestly.”

“How is Cashmere doing? She performed very well at the Reaping,” Lilith said.

“Yeah, she did,” Gloss agreed, worry crossing his face. “I know that she’s ready for this, but I can’t help worrying.”

“I understand. Is she doing well in training?” Lilith asked. 

“Extremely. The Careers are a little scattered this year, especially without District 4 in the mix, but Cash is a natural leader. She’ll score high, I know. Ford is unpleasantly aggressive but she can stand up to him.”

“Good. She’s much smaller so she must have spirit,” Lilith noted. “She seemed quite mature for her age during the interview last year.”

“She is.” Gloss sighed. “Thanks for letting me talk this over. Cashmere is going to be fine.” 

“Certainly. What do you think of the party, fighting aside?” Lilith leaned against the column, grimacing at her aching foot. It wasn’t fully healed yet and heels exacerbated the problem.

“It’s amazing that Mrs. Snow can pull this off,” Gloss said, gesturing around at the general joy and merriment. 

“Really,” Lilith emphasized.

An hour and a half later, Lilith sat in her apartment, exhausted but satisfied with the night. She’d picked up the sleeping twins from Diana and Ivanna’s and taken them to the apartment, where they had passed out right away. Everyone was safe and sound.

Lilith had just opened up a document to finish planning the big birthday party coming up when the entire apartment began to shake. What was going on? An earthquake? No, it couldn’t be. Lilith raced over to the window. Blazes of light were coming from the center of the city. What was at the center of the city? Shit. Lilith just stopped herself from cursing out loud as another explosion rocked the apartment and nearly knocked her over. The bombs laid in ten currently-empty government buildings had gone off early.

The plan had gone wrong, horribly wrong, and Lilith needed to protect herself and the children just waking up in their bed. She reached for her phone. 


	96. Chapter 90

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lilith takes a huge risk.

_ “What’s going on?” Ursula jumped out of bed, almost tripping over a toy she’d left on the ground. “What are those noises? Why is the apartment shaking?” _

__ “Hallina, I’m sorry to interrupt, but my siblings are awake,” Lilith said into her phone. 

“Hang up then! Get over to the mansion as soon as possible. I need to see you,” Hallina exclaimed before hanging up. Lilith literally tossed the phone aside and raced towards her sister, catching a vase before it knocked her over. 

“There are emergency vehicles on the street. I’ve never seen those before,” Nathan called from the bedroom, considerably calmer than Ursula.

“Explosions in the city would necessitate them, yeah,” Lilith replied. “Get away from the window!”

“I’m scared,” Ursula admitted, latching onto Lilith. “Why are things exploding?”

“I don’t know,” Lilith replied honestly. “Go get dressed and pack a small bag. We’re leaving.”

The twins got ready quickly with no complaints while Lilith called a taxi. Howard was probably calming his family at the moment so a brusque, harried-sounding woman’s voice answered the phone. Killian knocked on the door just as the family was about to leave. 

“I can take the twins,” he rushed, staggering slightly on his feet. Slightly drunk, Lilith deduced.

“Can you take care of them?” Lilith challenged.

“Seeder’s going to help, and Hayley ran to me with her little baby, so clearly some people trust me,” Killian snapped. “You have places to be.”

“Fair enough. Kids, go with Killian, okay?” Lilith asked the twins. Ursula was too shellshocked to be hurt and accepted her sister’s tight hug, which she rarely gave because of her aversion to touch, and followed the older Victor placidly. Nathan didn’t argue either. 

Lilith had to unlock the apartment again to get her shoes on- flats instead of heels even though she hadn’t changed out of her dress- before racing out to the taxi. She nearly ran into several panicking Capitol citizens in the cool night air.

“You’re late,” the taxi driver said acerbically.

“Sorry,” Lilith snarled. “I have two children to take care of.” If the driver assumed she’d given birth to them, so be it. She might as well be Ursula and Nathan’s mother. 

“Sure, whatever. Where to?” 

“Snow Mansion.”

“Are you sure? Why?”

“None of your business.”

“There’s a lot of destruction over there.”

“Just go!” Lilith growled ferociously, using the naturally gravelly tone of her voice to jolt the taxi driver into action. The two didn’t speak for the rest of the ride. Lilth didn’t care about the charged silence, concentrating on the chaos around her. When the mass of squaking people wearing a variety of undergarments to nothing at all ended, flashing lights in houses took their place. Then the destruction began.

Eight buildings took up a lot of space, and five were nothing but rubble at this point. The wide holes in the ground showed where the bombs had been laid. Three others, including the place where President Snow held council, were missing walls and roofs. It would have been better with people in them, but that wasn’t the main problem.

“Here you are,” the taxi driver said as she pulled up beside the mansion’s driveway. “I may never see you again, so this is goodbye.”

Lilith rolled her eyes. “Thanks for the support.” She slipped out of the cab and used the surprisingly long walk to clear her head, sipping a bit of water. She needed to stay calm to prove her innocence.

The presidential doors hung open, and what looked like half of Panem’s government rushed in and out of them. Lilith spotted eight people that she regularly slept with. No one seemed to notice her presence.

Lilith cursed to herself when she saw the group in the still-decorated middle of the room. President Snow and his wife, along with three of his children, stood opposite Ariana Kilgrave. The 59th Victor’s shrill voice carried over all the other noise.

Before Lilith could do anything, she noticed Bernard Snow’s daughters huddling with a group of other children and young teenagers away from the rush. Several babies clutched in their siblings’ arms were crying. She went right over to them, concern taking over.

“That’s Lilith Hardy,” an older child whispered.

“Hi, yes. Hallina Snow called me here. Do you all have any place to go?” Lilith asked, loud enough to be heard over the buzz of noise but gently. 

“Our parents haven’t told us to do anything yet, except for not being in the way,” the same boy said. All of them had a look of fear, from the teenagers to the toddlers. The older ones would develop a sheen of superiority soon enough. 

“Is there a parent here that can give you permission?” Lilith quizzed. Tia pointed at a hassled-looking group of women across the room, accompanied by Bernard. “Great. I’ll be back.”

“Miss Hardy, what are you doing here?” Bernard said when he saw the Victor.

“Hallina called me right after the explosions.” Lilith began to say something else, but Ariana cut her off, racing towards her.

“Oh, you’re here! The traitor is here!” Ariana shrieked, lunging at Lilith, who ducked aside rather gracelessly. The older Victor managed to hit a very pregnant woman, who staggered.

“Gwendolyn!” The tall man beside President Snow cried, rushing over to the woman. “Are you okay?” 

“Yeah. Do I have to be here, though? What about them?” Gwendolyn, clearly uncomfortable on her feet, asked the man, gesturing at the kids.

“Why are you all still here? Mrs. Colgreen is raving. You should not be seeing this. Go to bed, children!” The powerful voice of President Snow boomed out. The kids froze for a moment before nodding respectfully as one and slipping away into the shadows. Bernard and his brother helped the women leave as well. 

“I don’t mean to interfere, Mr. President,” Lilith said, brushing past the infuriated Ariana, “but your daughter-in-law asked me to be here.”

“I requested your presence, yes,” President Snow replied. “You may approach. I felt that you deserved a chance to respond to Mrs. Colgreen’s accusations.”

“She’s a liar! She always lies!” Ariana shouted. If Lilith’s make-up was hours old and her dress slightly rumpled, Ariana looked a complete mess. She hadn’t changed out of her pajamas and her long hair looked like a rats’ nest. Spittle dripped down her chin as she spoke.

“I would like to know what you are accusing me of,” Lilith said calmly. She noted the look of disgust that Snow’s wife was giving Ariana and how tense Bernard’s shoulders were. 

“Fine. Do you want to do this? You are a rebel. You masterminded the bombs that just destroyed millions of dollars’ worth of infrastructure. You’ve been trying to take down the government for years!” Ariana couldn’t go three sentences without raising her voice, it seemed. 

“Do you have proof?” Lilith asked mildly.

“I don’t need proof,” Ariana argued. “I’m just  _ right _ . They poisoned you and put your brother in the Hunger Games because of it!”

Lilith laughed inside but let her jaw drop outwardly. A terrifying look crossed President Snow’s face. “You have some nerve, Mrs. Colgreen. Miss Hardy, be completely honest. Do you believe that these things are true?”

“Half of it. This house is under your control and I would be shocked if any outside force poisoned a drink that no one else ordered. However, I am loyal to your government and took it as a test. As for my brother, there was a chance of his name being called. Not a large one, but a chance.”

“Good answer. The drink was a test and you passed. We have sent spies, bugged your house, and tried to assassinate you twice. Nothing we have done has turned up any proof of disloyalty.”

“That doesn’t mean that she isn’t a rebel!” Ariana countered. Lilith hid the intense, overwhelming joy that rose within her with a shake of her head. The pain calmed her glee. 

“It would be best if you shut your mouth!” Hallina stepped forward, every inch the intimidating Gamemaker she acted like in public. “I am sick of your attitude, showing up uninvited and have been acting entirely unprofessional. We made you, Mrs. Colgreen. We can destroy you.”

“Both of you are dismissed,” Grayson intoned, eyes like steel. “There is a major crisis going on, after all.”

“Of course. The party was wonderful.” Lilith bowed lightly and turned to leave, letting a small smile cross her face.

“No, don’t let her go! Listen to me!” Ariana stood in her place, completely out of her mind now. 

“Security, take her away,” President Snow ordered. Two Peacekeepers came to grab the struggling Ariana, dragging her past Lilith. 

“Wait! Sir, we’ve found the culprit,” a voice called. Amanda Slyther, the head of Peacekeeping for all of Panem, strode into the mansion in full golden regalia. Lilith’s heart dropped when she saw Charles Colgreen being held securely between two soldiers behind her, face pale and drawn.


	97. Chapter 91

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ariana sinks her and Charles’ argument as Lilith tries to keep up with events.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: character death, mention of past injuries

_ Lilith had no idea what to do. She backed away from the scene, allowing the Snows to approach, and tried to make herself as incongruous as possible by a post. _ “Sir, Colgreen was running away from the scene of the crime. None of the workers directly responsible remain alive so he is the only suspect at the moment.”

Unfortunate for the workers but necessary. Lilith watched hawkishly, head pounding and mind racing. 

“Understood. Thank you for bringing him right to me. What do you have to say for yourself, Mr. Colgreen?” President Snow stepped forward.

“I’m innocent,” Charles stammered, his usual smooth façade nowhere to be seen. “My being at the explosions can be explained.”

“Oh, really?” The President’s beady eyes locked onto Charles’. He’d found a target for his fury and had let Lilith off the hook, whether his earlier statements were yet another test of her loyalty or not. “Please explain, then.”

“No, don’t tell them anything! He was in the wrong place at the wrong time, that’s all, and shouldn’t be punished!” Ariana declared, trying once again to break free of the Peacekeepers holding her. 

“Will someone shut her up?” Hallina snapped from beside her husband. They seemed like an actual team- maybe that came with spending very little time together and avoiding fights. “You have run your mouth off too much this night, girl.”

“You’re one to talk! You play favorites and are protecting Lilith! Fucking queer!” Ariana spat. Gasps rang out around the room and Charles sent an icy-cold glare at his wife. Lilith couldn’t believe the gall.

“My sexual preferences are none of your business and that was completely inappropriate. You were not invited here and now your husband is a suspect. I would suggest that you stay quiet, Mrs. Colgreen,” Hallina said in a steely tone. Ariana had pissed her off, and everyone else in the room, from the looks on their faces. A Peacekeeper covered Ariana’s mouth, restraining her totally when she resisted his touch.

“I requested an explanation, Mr. Colgreen,” President Snow continued with a hint of ferocity.

“I helped design those buildings and wanted to see their progress alone,” Charles replied with more strength in his voice. “I do not invest in architecture that is prone to explode and had nothing to do with the buildings’ destruction.”

“Hmm. And why did you run away?” Slyther challenged.

“It was instinct. I was afraid for my life,” Charles answered, this time truthfully. 

“Afraid for your life because you assisted in the destruction with the rebels?” Grayson asked. “Or because you didn’t want to fall into fire?”

“The latter,” Charles confirmed confidently. “I had no idea where a bomb could explode next.”

“That is a reasonable answer. You have succeeded in being a rational human being, unlike your wife, but I do not trust you yet. Now, Mrs. Colgreen has spent the last three-quarters of an hour accusing Lilith Hardy of being a rebel and masterminding the bombs. Is this true?” Bernard quizzed. 

Charles shrugged. “I have no idea. She’s only been over to our house once or twice and we barely spoke.”

“What was she doing at your house?” Slyther demanded to know.

“Attending a party we were hosting during last year’s Hunger Games. Only Victors whose presence I enjoy or can handle were invited and she is among them. At least until Ariana convinced me that she worked against her tribute.” Charles answered with a glare at his wife, who protested through her gag.

“Miss Hardy, did you work against Mrs. Colgreen’s tribute?” Grayson questioned. Lilith’s voice came out rough but controlled. 

“No, sir. I had very little to do with her, actually.”

“Mrs. Colgreen, please tell us why Miss Hardy killed your tribute last year.” Grayson turned to Ariana, who was released from the stranglehold. 

“She killed Hyacinth in her Games and then wanted Gloss to win!”

“I felt that Gloss held an advantage last year. As for Hyacinth, what was I supposed to do, let her live?”

“She deserved to win, not you!” Ariana snapped.

“And yet Miss Hardy stands here today with the victory, making your opinion redundant.” President Snow waved an irritated hand. “You are wearing on my patience, Mrs. Colgreen. Shut your mouth or live to regret it.”

Ariana finally stopped talking on her own accord, eyes wide with shock. If she still had family left, they were dead now. Charles shook his head, knowing that he’d made mistakes but Ariana was somehow doing worse at the moment. 

“Miss Hardy, did you ever discuss anything related to the rebellion at the Colgreens’ house?” President Snow asked the Victor. 

“No, sir.”

“Anything about District 13?”

“Ah... no, sir.” Lilith contorted her face into a confused look. She wouldn’t be caught off-guard today. “Is District 13 not a pile of rubble?”

“There’s a whole community below there and you know it!” Ariana exclaimed. Lilith almost rolled her eyes at the other Victor’s stupidity.

“How is that even possible?” Lilith almost demanded. “I had no idea.”

President Snow eyed Lilith carefully. “I believe you. The majority of District 13 survived the attack and have been underground since. They have managed to gain strength and launch the beginnings of an overthrow. You see the danger of Victors being on their side?”

“Completely, sir.” Lilith nodded. 

“My wife is an idiot sometimes,” Charles grumbled. “Great job,  _ sweetie. _ ”

“Oh, come on! Don’t turn on me, I’m trying to protect you.” Slyther looked between the quarreling couple, ready to let them sink each other. The others followed her lead.

“By revealing everything about ourselves? Ariana, you’ve killed both of our families. Stop now and we might live,” Charles begged. His wife was beyond reason, however.

“I have been trying to help us by proving Lilith’s guilt. She’s the planner in the room and using Hallina Snow,” Ariana argued.

“Good luck with that. She’s in the clear and we’re in trouble, Ariana, so get your head straight.” Charles’ voice went very quiet. His final warning.

Ariana didn’t heat it. “This is all  _ your fault _ !” She shouted at Lilith, who stared right back despite the pain that threatened to split her head apart. It was all she could do to stay on her feet. “You’re the Murderess! You’re a traitor!”

“Shut up, Ariana.” This came from Charles in a strained tone, low and dangerous. “I risked everything to marry you so you could escape having to sleep with other Capitol citizens. Even Lilith can’t completely play off how much it affects her. We’ve been happy, but your mouth has gotten you into trouble too many times in only two years. I joined the rebellion for you, and now you’re ruining everything. You won’t be able to make it through interrogation.” Charles moved suddenly, breaking free of the Peacekeepers holding him and pulling out a gun. 

“Get him!” Slyther commanded, but the gun had already gone off. Lilith stumbled, finally overcome by the stress of the night, just as Ariana jerked then fell still. Charles’ bullet had hit her right in the forehead.

Slyther tackled Charles and knocked the gun out of his hand before he could kill himself. Lilith righted herself against a column, not willing to show weakness in front of the Snows. She held her head up in time to see Charles biting on the tooth that would erase the possibility of him giving up any real information to Slyther and her Peacekeepers.

“Take him away. Analyze the body too,” Slyther barked. Her anger came out in a brash tone and sharp glare. “Miss Hardy, you’ve had a long day and should not be this active, clearly. What is your issue?”

“The soldiers that killed Rylan Jericho gave me a severe concussion, which is healing well. The bruise they left miraculously did not crack my skull but did cause brain damage, so I get migraines and have a hard time handling loud noises such as gunshots.”

“Long-term, then. Stick with that doctor partner of yours. In the meantime, Miss Hardy, I will have one of my Peacekeepers walk you back to your apartment. You’ve already seen too much.”

“I will give nothing away,” Lilith promised. “A ride home would be wonderful, thank you.”

President Snow, his wife, and Bernard lost interest quickly but Grayson and Hallina walked Lilith to one of the many cars parked in the driveway. 

“I’m sorry for everything,” Hallina said to Lilith, legitimately distressed. Grayson nodded in agreement.

“I have nothing against you. Hallina made the choice to involve you in our family and you have been nothing but respectful. Ariana Kilgrave embarrassed all of us tonight.” Grayson helped Lilith into the back of the car as a Peacekeeper took the wheel.

“I will be discussing this with the others. Being a rebel is terrible but at least her husband held himself together,” Lilith snorted. “Accusing me. She ruined her argument with the shouting.”

“Agreed. Have a restful sleep, Miss Hardy,” Grayson said, closing the door on the Victor. Lilith leaned back, eyes wandering through the car. Nothing that could kill her- she didn’t trust Grayson’s sudden friendliness, of course. That was a matter for later. She was off the hook for now, she thought as she sipped water from her purse and scarfed down an energy bar, but Ariana had handed that victory to her. Now she was dead and her husband would be executed. It was a stark reminder of how dangerous this world was and how any slip-up could have disastrous consequences.

  
  



	98. Chapter 92

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The 64th Hunger Games begin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: descriptions of violence

_ Migraines aside, Lilith found herself mired in interviews over the next week. The twins stayed with others more than their sister would like but seemed content with the time she spent with them.  _ They particularly enjoyed seeing Garius again, even Nathan. The man toned down the volume considerably in respect for Lilith’s head and her brother’s sensitive ears. 

“What look are you going for today?” Garius asked, gesturing for Lilith to lie down in a comfortable seat. The Victor slipped off her robe and smiled at the way her siblings reacted: shock and curiosity.

“Have you never seen me naked?” Lilith laughed. “If you’re concerned about the scars, these are nothing compared to what I had before.”

“Dad wasn’t nice to you, yeah,” Nathan said lightly.

“Excuse me! I lived with him and suffered for eleven years before you came around. Do not toss away my experiences,” Lilith snapped. “Say Scythe, not  _ Dad. _ ”

“That was mean,” Nathan murmured.

“You were mean,” Ursula countered.

“Not true!”

“Stop it right now. I have little time for you this morning and you are eight years old. Grow up.” Lilith took a deep breath. “I apologize for being sharp.”

“Your sister is right. You can’t watch the beautifying process if you’re fighting,” Garius scolded lightly. “Now, Lilith is quite thin and didn’t get proper nutrition growing up, so I have to be careful not to tear anything while I remove any unwanted hair. The scars just have to be covered, unfortunately. So no deep-necked dresses for you, Lilith.” “Oh no. My body will have to be covered.” Lilith rolled her eyes. “Aren’t my ribs insulting to you anyway?”

“You don’t need to starve yourself,” Garius countered. “It doesn’t look good on you.”

“I think I look good this way and it’s really none of your business what I eat. Believe it or not, this is a compromise,” Lilith replied. What was with people commenting on her weight?

“Fair enough. Seriously, what look are you going for? It’s an interview with Flickerman then the Bloodbath party, correct?” Garius eyed Lilith. “I don’t need to do much hair stripping today. Again, thin skin. Let’s see... I’ll put you in a dark red dress to match the occasion. So, kids, allow me to show you how to remove hair without hurting someone.”

Neither Ursula or Nathan had shown any kind of interest in fashion before, but they were intensely curious about Garius’ process. Something about him attracted their attention. Lilith left feeling clean and trussed up in a deep-necked dress that fit her body perfectly and left the twins with Killian. They were good sports about it but she hated to leave them so often.

“So, Miss Hardy, what can you tell us about Ariana and Charles Colgreen?” Caesar asked just three minutes into the interview. Lilith racked her brain for an original way to say she knew nothing.

“Caesar, I was nowhere near the scene when Ariana was killed and Charles was arrested,” Lilith said in a light but firm tone. “I cannot help you and I do not understand why everyone keeps asking me for information.”

“Well, there are rumors that you were at the scene,” Caesar answered. Insistent, like every other interviewer, and not going to give in.

“Those rumors are not true,” Lilith said. “I will answer questions about most anything else.” 

“All I’m interested in is the Colgreens. Could you at least talk about your relationship with them?” Caesar pressed. Lilith, her control slipping, visibly irritated on national television and not caring. 

“I barely know Charles. I met him only three or four times. Ariana and I were friends for a few months but our relationship soured last Games. I still am not entirely sure why. It turned violent, actually, and we have not spoken since.”

“Succinct as always. Would you care to tell us the nature of the violence?” Caesar asked testily. Lilith smirked back.

“No, I would not care to share that.” 

“I have nothing else to ask, then. You are dismissed, Miss Hardy.” Caesar waved a visible trembling hand. Lilith got up and walked past his shocked crew members, smiling at him smugly. She could care less about his anger as she’d done well to please the Snows. Now it was time for a party.

__ “So this is where Mags lives,” Lilith said as she met Killian, Ursula, and Nathan (who were dressed up in adorably matching green suits) at the gates of a large but cozy-looking mansion on the edge of the city.

“Wonderful, isn’t it? This is a yearly party for Victors. You haven’t been able to attend, of course, but this should be fun,” Killian grinned.

“Kids are going to die today and you’re celebrating?” Nathan asked. Killian looked down at the child, entirely unimpressed.

“Get used to it. I need to leave in order to drop my tribute off but you two can’t be out alone,” Killian said. “Have fun, Lilith.”

“Does he not have a heart?” Ursula wondered as Killian walked away, hailing a cab as he went. 

“Killian has a big heart, but not one of his tributes has survived the Hunger Games. He knows when a child will not survive long and has become worn out of losing tributes. That is why he’s so resigned today,” Lilith explained as she walked Ursula and Nathan up the driveway. 

“That’s sad,” Nathan said. 

“Yes, very. How about we try to cheer up! It’s your eighth birthday, isn’t that great!” Lilith used an unusually happy voice to give her siblings more energy. It worked this time, but for how much longer? They were getting older every day and Ursula was sure to be a willful teenager, if not pre-teen. She wouldn’t listen then. 

Mags, wearing a comfortable-looking sweater dress, opened the door and broke into a huge grin. “Oh, hello! You two are so cute!”

“You’re old!” Ursula said. Lilith reddened and hissed at her sister.

“That is so rude! I apologize, the only truly old person that they have ever come across is Grant,” Lilith explained. “No one really lives past fifty-five in District 11.”

“That’s alright! I am old. Come on in, you three, and introduce yourselves,” Mags laughed. The strain in her voice told Lilith that speaking wasn’t comfortable for her.

“You can sign if you like. They know it well,” Lilith prompted. The old woman nodded in understanding.

Of course, your brother, Mags signed as she led the family through her grand, well-furnished house.  Here we are! The dancing hall. I had Charles Colgreen design it. Brilliant worker, if flawed in his personal life.

“Really,” Lilith agreed. “What do you think about Mags’ house, kids?”

“It’s pretty,” Nathan said. “I like the green wallpaper.”

The dancing room resembled the Snows’ front hall with its tall ceiling and open space, but it gave off a sense of home. Tables dotted the area and there were Victors wandering around from them to the food tables lined up along the wall. It seemed that most non-mentors were in attendance.

“There are balloons!” Ursula exclaimed, pointing up at the ceiling. 

“Yes, because it’s your  _ birthday _ !” Hayley Washington bounded up, grinning, baby strapped to her back. In planning this surprise party, Lilith had spent more time than she’d thought was needed to convince the attendees not to scream a greeting at the family. They hadn’t seemed to understand that some people did not appreciate noise. 

“Is there a cake?” Ursula asked. “And presents? I didn’t ask for much, don’t worry.”

“Money is not an issue. You will like your gifts. How about you let me grab them while you explore with Hayley? Also, stay away from the woman walking through the crowd with a notebook. Her name is Emily Fairysong and she’s a journalist.”

“Okay,” the twins agreed. Lilith left them with Hayley and headed over to where Mags indicated their gifts were stashed.

Do your siblings speak only in question form? Mags wondered.

“No, they are actually quite eloquent, but tend to rely upon exclamations and questions in unfamiliar situations. Though Ursula is most certainly telling Hayley all about her day and how the Bloodbath will go,” Lilith laughed. “She likes to tell people what’s going on in the world. Thanks for doing this for us.”

My pleasure. Now hurry, we should give out gifts before the Bloodbath starts, Mags urged.

Lilith, Ursula, and Nathan sat with a highly anxious Gloss, Grant, who had been on a mysterious trip during the year, and Cecelia to receive their gifts and a few toasts. Lilith was happy to open a new swimsuit and a book on Calculus and to watch the twins smile over their toys and books before the action started. It really didn’t feel appropriate to celebrate during the Bloodbath, Ursula was right. 

“We don’t have too long left, so let’s toast to the Hardys!” Hayley crowed, holding her juice out. She’d sworn off drink during her pregnancy and now after. The crowd echoed her cry, and Lilith received several pats on the back. Ursula and Nathan beamed at the attention. They were also allowed to eat junk food and cake, substances they never inhaled at home. It would be a crazy sugar-high for a bit, that was for sure.

_ Twenty years. Who would have thought?  _ Lilith remembered Mila’s text from earlier that day and shook her head as she sipped her water.  _ I’ll try not to get horribly injured this year _ , had been her reply. 

“Interesting Arena,” Beetee Latier said as the television revealed what had been constructed so secretively inside of the Arena. Realistically crumbled buildings, falling apart randomly and in all different kinds of shape, covered the entire area except for the Cornucopia, where twenty-four tributes were being dropped into then. This would be an interesting battle because no tribute lived in a place like this, so non-Career survivors could do well. 

“Remind me of the training scores,” Nathan said to Lilith.

“Districts 1 and 2 got tens across the board. District 4 doesn’t count as a Career District this year and both kids received 5s,” Apple Peach said before Lilith could speak. “District 10 did pretty well with a 7 and an 8. The rest were okay, around 5 or 6, to abysmal at 2 to 4..”

“Apple, I’m curious,” Lilith said. “Who is Cashmere’s mentor now? I know that Ariana was in that slot. Emily, why are you still here?”

“Don’t you want any press here?” Emily asked, seemingly actually hurt by Lilith’s harsh tone.

“Not really. Our lives are not yours to observe,” Maulus Naismith snapped. He’d turned out to be an extremely loyal rebel agent and would need to take on more responsibilities after Ariana’s death. 

“Alright. Be that way.” Emily huffed and turned away, trying to play off the fact that she’d dropped a bug onto the couch while spinning around. Lilith destroyed it between two fingers. A cheap model.

“It’s starting!” Chandler Justice urged for everyone to be quiet. The tributes moved as one when the cannon went off, racing off in different directions. The four Careers had been placed together and reached the supplies first, their superior strength showing right away. The low light seemed to be throwing off several tributes and Cashmere blinked several times to get her bearings before picking up a sword and going after District 4’s girl, who couldn’t escape her blade in time. Gloss let out a sigh of relief while Nathan winced.

“How is it possible that people can enjoy this?” Nathan asked, wrinkling his nose at the sight. “Five people just died.”

Faydra Naismith scoffed at the child, but her husband actually considered the question. “It is part of the culture, I suppose. Now watch!”

Avery and Curt from District 10 performed well, killing a tribute each before getting away with bags and weapons. The fact that there were two less Careers allowed decent tributes to escape the Cornucopia with supplies easier than in past years. Still, twelve kids fell to only a few stronger tributes. Heidi and Martin did well, avoiding any injury, and Cashmere emerged as the Career leader right away. Everyone else followed her commands with no question. 

“I think that Cashmere will do well,” Ursula said after the action had ceased. “She didn’t kill a whole lot of people but immediately took over the leader role and no one seems to be arguing. She’s also really strong.”

Gloss stared at the little girl for a moment before bursting into laughter. “Oh, you sound just like your sister! That’s really funny.”

“And right,” Lilith said defensively. No one laughed at her sister.

“Yeah, of course,” Gloss snickered. “You have to admit that it’s funny.” 

“Whatever,” Lilith murmured. She and the twins stayed for a few minutes longer, in time to greet Seeder and Killian from the mentoring room and watch alliances take shape. Avery and Curt met up with Joanne, District 12’s remaining tribute, and a larger alliance containing the pair from District 6 and the boys from Districts 3, 8, and 9 met each other in the shade of two bigger buildings. 

“I’m excited to watch these Games,” Ursula said sleepily as Lilith tucked her and Nathan into bed that night.

“Bloodshed aside?” Lilith asked.

“It’s all a part of the fun, right?” Ursula countered. Lilith nodded and kissed her sister’s head. Eight years old and she understood the Hunger Games mindset. What was this world where children looked at the death of others as a game?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Death Toll: 12  
> Gina (D3F)- killed by Cashmere (D1F) in the Bloodbath  
> Oar (D4M)- killed by Avery (D10F) in the Bloodbath  
> Blue (D4F)- killed by Martin (D2M) in the Bloodbath  
> Pedro (D5M)- killed by Heidi (D2M) in the Bloodbath  
> Diane (D5F)- killed by Heidi (D2F) in the Bloodbath   
> Justin (D7M)- killed by Cashmere (D1F) in the Bloodbath  
> Jessica (D7F)- killed by Cashmere (D1F) in the Bloodbath   
> Raina (D8F)- killed by Ford (D1M) in the Bloodbath  
> Pia (D9F)- killed by Curt (D10M) in the Bloodbath  
> Ryce (D11M)- killed by Martin (D2M) in the Bloodbath   
> Melanie (D11F)- killed by Ford (D1M) in the Bloodbath   
> Coal (D12M)- killed by Martin (D2M) in the Bloodbath 
> 
> Kill Count  
> Cashmere (D1F): 3  
> Martin (D2M): 3  
> Heidi (D2F): 2  
> Ford (D1M):2  
> Avery (D10F): 1  
> Curt (D10M): 1


	99. Chapter 93

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lilith has a breakdown and the twins see too much.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: rape/non-con, panic attack, foul language

_ Lilith legitimately enjoyed this round of interviews because the 64th Hunger Games gave her a lot to comment on.  _ The low light and claustrophobic space, along with the fact that random children had been thrown together to fight for their lives. Avery and Curt argued constantly as both were ambitious to win but not willing to fracture their alliance just yet. The Careers remained stable under Cashmere’s leadership while District 6’s pair ruled the three younger boys with an iron fist, making them do all of the chores.

Lilith wasn’t entirely sure why she was being asked so many questions. She got to know Greer extremely well because she called him after the first interview, where a clearly aggravated Caesar demanded information on the kids’ personal lives. All Lilith could say was that he should ask their mentors.

“Hello? This is Greer Everly,” a gruff voice said over the phone.

“This is Lilith Hardy. Caesar Flickerman just went berserk on me for not sharing anything on Avery and Curt’s personal lives, so I figured that I might contact you about the details.”

“Why are you being asked about this?” Greer wondered. He’d always been short but never overtly unfriendly towards Lilith, unlike the standoffish Bree Pine. 

“I have no idea, but these people want me to have the answers,” Lilith replied helplessly. “I know enough about the Careers to satisfy them.”

“Fair enough. Let me send you a biography on both tributes right now. Make shit up if you like, I’m sure it’ll be okay.” Greer sighed. “Thanks for calling, at least. I wish that reporters could ask Bree and I these questions instead of you.”

“Me too. I do not enjoy getting into everyone’s business,” Lilith snorted. “I appreciate the bios.”

The Victor hung up, letting out her breath. Why was she expected to have an opinion on every single tribute? It would me much better to let them be. There was no respect in this community for childrens’ privacy. 

Client visits began again, completely compromising Lilith’s exercise schedule. Diana only had time in the early morning so the younger Victor began to take naps to make up for the lost time. Ursula and Nathan found this funny, actually, and would let her sleep. They understood her intense schedule well enough to let her alone.

Screen time hadn’t been an issue before and the twins found other things to to other than watching television. They read, visited Hayley and her newborn (helpful because she was watching them when Lilith wasn’t available then), and played with various games around the apartment. Lilith would take them out to a local park and discuss the Hunger Games, coaching Nathan in analysis, and how they were doing generally. Watching so much tension didn’t seem to be affecting them too much, probably because Lilith and Jay had been constantly fighting when they lived together and the Riverwills were missing their oldest daughter, who had died in the Hunger Games years before. Jason and Helena insisted that she’d been an embarrassment to the family while Mila spoke about her sister longingly in private. The boys barely remembered Janice. 

Well, if Lilith hadn’t won her Games, they would be starving and Brandon would likely still have died. There would still be tension within the Riverwill family, so the twins being used to hardship was most likely a good thing considering everything.

Lilith truly enjoyed her days with the exception of the nights. She was physically unable to contract any diseases but would still have preferred her clients to use protection, especially the men. Jillian, as usual, was the worst. She more than anyone did not understand the concept of “no.”

“Jillian, please do not touch my healing rib. You could break it again,” Lilith murmured as they lay together seven days after the Bloodbath. 

“It was never broken. Look, I already agreed not to drug you because of supposed brain damage. What more do you expect?” Jillian laughed. “Ridiculous girl. Now get with the program, you’re here for my pleasure.”

Lilith wasn’t sure what it was about tonight, but she was having real trouble handling Jillian. Every touch sent a shiver up her spine and it took everything in her to not pull away. Jillian squeezed too hard on her and left marks that felt deeper than usual, not to mention that she spoke in a very loud voice right next to her ear. The woman didn’t take any breaks for eating or the bathroom, so neither did Lilith.

The night dragged on as Jillian demanded more and more out of Lilith while her condition deteriorated. The Victor held it together somehow until Jillian finally released her by just walking out, as she usually did. Lilith needed to use the bathroom but chose to skip that in favor of changing into comfortable clothing and getting out of the claustrophobic mansion. Howard pulled up only five minutes after being called and actually helped Lilith into the back.

“Richardson did a number on you today, huh? I’ll take you home.” Lilith only nodded slightly in response, taking the offered water bottle and staring out of the window aimlessly. She felt drained of emotion, completely defeated by her situation, and the city seemed to her like a massive, glamorous prison. Why in the world had she brought Ursula and Nathan here? They would be better off with Jay of all people.

Howard had to prompt Lilith when he arrived at the apartment building, the only place that seemed inviting. She thanked him listlessly and would probably have left her purse too if it wasn’t slung around her shoulder. 

The night had seemed so unbearably long because Jillian had kept Lilith for close to twelve hours. It was already eight-thirty in the morning and Hayley, sniffling three-month-old strapped to her back, stood outside the door to Lilith’s apartment with Ursula and Nathan in tow.

“Where have you been?” Hayley demanded as Lilith approached, much more cautiously than she usually would and glad for the sweatshirt that she wore. “You said that you would be back an hour ago, and you missed your lesson with Diana! She’s taking time out of her day to search.”

“I don’t care,” Lilith said bluntly, brushing past Hayley and hardly glancing at the staring twins. The sight of her innocent siblings made all of her emotions reveal themselves and she couldn’t handle that. “Can you take them for the day?”

“Sure, but why? Are you okay?” Hayley asked, concerned now.

“Just fucking peachy,” Lilith snarled. Nathan flinched at the foul language but Lilith couldn’t bring herself to care. She fumbled with the key for a moment before the door unlocked. Ursula tried to get into the apartment only to be shoved away by Lilith rather harshly. “I can’t deal with you right now, Ursula, leave me alone.”

Ursula stepped backwards, hurt filling her eyes. Lilith shut the door and raced to the bathroom to relieve herself. The moment of peace was all it took for her walls to completely crumble, and she began to sob. Everything that she had been holding back came out in a rush.

Lilith turned on the shower, stripping down to the nude, and stepped into the hot water. The burning feeling and blood that ran off her felt good. Lilith remained in the shower for ten minutes before ceasing her crying and getting herself cleaned up, changing into pajamas and curling up on the nearest couch. 

Lilith had never felt exactly like this before. She rocked back and forth, exhibiting behaviors that Brandon would during his meltdowns. The voices outside the door echoed.

“What’s going on? Why is she crying?” Nathan.

“Lilith never snaps at me.” Ursula, on the brink of her own breakdown.

“Your sister is going through a hard time right now. Let’s leave her alone now, alright?” Hayley.

“No, she needs to apologize for being rude!”

“Lilith doesn’t cry, ever. Can’t you forgive her for being upset this once?” Nathan pleaded to Ursula.

“Being upset is not an excuse for rude behavior. Lilith, you need to say sorry to me!” Ursula shouted through the door.

“What the fuck is going on here?” Killian. Lilith sighed in relief: he could actually help her. “Don’t shout, Ursula, and go with Hayley and Nathan. Go, I mean it.” There was silence for a moment, then the sound of shuffling footsteps. Killian spoke again after the twins and Hayley were gone. “Ursula won’t bother you anymore. Care to let me in, Lilith?”

Walking took effort, but Lilith stood and made her way over to the door anyway. Killian let out a shocked breath but didn’t say anything as he took in the cuts all over Lilith and how checked-out she looked. “I look terrible. I know, I just- Jillian didn’t stop- she wanted too much and I have to give it.”

Lilith was suddenly crouched on the ground, taking ragged breaths and crying again, the pain in her ribs too much to bear. Killian went down opposite the young woman and didn’t try to touch her.

“I can see that you’re overwhelmed and don’t want to be touched, but these cuts seem deep. Do you trust me enough to not hurt you?”

“Y- yeah. I just need- need to...” Lilith shook her head, unable to find words. 

“Don‘t speak. Breathe.” Killian placed his hand on Lilith’s chest very gently. “My hand is a feather. Move it softly.” This was a technique that Jacob had come up with and always worked, as it did now. Lilith calmed down within a few minutes and relaxed enough for Killian to give her first aid, but still felt entirely discontented. She was drained of all strong emotions now and had no energy, not enough to be worried about what her siblings would think of her now. They had seen into the true darkness of being a Victor and could never lose that knowlede. 


	100. Chapter 94

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lilith talks with the twins.
> 
> Not my best or longest chapter, but it’s out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: mental illness, past rape/non-con

_ “I’m worried, Seeder, Lilith has never reacted like this before,” Killian said into his phone. He sat opposite the younger Victor on a chair, studying the way she was crouched in on herself and staring into nothing. _ “She has some pretty deep cuts, too. Jillian gave no heed to her medical issues last night.”

Lilith heard the comments, but couldn’t bring herself to respond. Speaking seemed impossible at the moment. Killian continued talking to Seeder. “Calling Hallina is a bad idea. Yes, she’s a Snow, but Jillian wields a massive amount of power in the city. Do you really want more negative press around Lilith?” He rolled his eyes at Seeder’s response. “We should keep this private. Oh, calling Mila is a good idea. See you back in District 11.” Killian hung up and stood, approaching Lilith cautiously. 

“Are you up for talking with Mila?” He asked. Lilith gave no indication of an answer, keeping her gaze focused on the kitchen doorway. Killian stared at her helplessly for a moment before a light knock sent him racing for the door. John, no longer a child, Yolanda, and Nina drew back in surprise. “Hello, please come in. You’re the cleaners, correct?”

Nina nodded, eyes darting between Lilith and Killian. Yolanda was all business as she went over to a nearby cabinet and pulled out the recently-used first aid kit.  Did she go to Jillian’s last night? John asked.

“Yes, and she’s in a terrible place. Can you help?” Killian would take any option, it was clear from his tone. 

I’m a medic, Yolanda signed.  The cuts on her face need to be cleaned.

“Do that. I’m gonna turn on the television,” Killian said, glancing down at his buzzing phone. “Charles Colgreen is being executed in just a few minutes.”

Nina raised an eyebrow but didn’t argue with the Victor. It wasn’t her place. Watching Colgreen die was the last thing that Lilith wanted to see but she couldn’t communicate her true feelings, so Killian went ahead and turned on the program. 

Lilith refused to look as Slyther read out Charles’ sentence. He had no say in the matter, of course, and been forced to spend all of his money on a lawyer who had done absolutely nothing for his case. They must have used the electric chair, because the screaming that came from the television was enough to jolt her out of her stupor. Yolanda jumped back in surprise when Lilith moved suddenly, grabbing the remote out of Killian’s hands. 

“What the fuck made you turn that on?” Lilith snapped. “A foregone conclusion and I’ve seen the electric chair before.”

“It worked, didn’t it?” Killian challenged. “You’re talking.”

“You should have just called Mila.” Lilith shook her head. “Sorry, Yolanda, please continue. Where have you been lately?”

We clean at nights because you are usually busy. The last thing we want is to get in your way, John explained. 

“Makes sense.” Lilith settled back on the couch, frowning at the stiffness in her legs. Yolanda continued to apply cream to the cuts on her cheek. 

“Sorry. I wasn’t thinking. What do you want to watch? It is your apartment.” 

“I need to explain some things to my siblings.” Lilith sighed roughly. She stood up the moment Yolanda finished. “Thank you. That feels much better.”

It is my job. Yolanda cleaned up quickly while Killian dipped out, clearly glad to see Lilith back in action. 

A phone call brought Hayley to the door with Ursula and Nathan. Lilith allowed the children in, noticing that Ursula didn’t meet her eyes, and Hayley squeezed the younger woman’s shoulder in support before leaving the family alone. The Avoxes found things to do in the apartment out of earshot. 

“You never shout at us,” Nathan said in greeting. “I’m just trying to understand why you lashed out. It was like Jay used to do.”

“She shouted at you? That’s called abuse. Wonderful.” Lilith huffed. “Come, sit, please. Are you hungry?”

“We ate,” Ursula said coldly. 

“Alright.” Lilith looked down, feeling her hands begin to shake. “I owe you an explanation. I’ve told you about my clients, right?”

“Yeah,” Nathan prompted.

“Well, one of them... her name is Jillian, and she is one of my regulars. She looks young but she’s actually in her seventies. Her favorite thing to do with me is touch me. Everywhere. You know that I don’t allow many people to get close, so I never handle it particularly well, but last night was different. She kept me for half a day, almost twelve hours, and...” Lilith put a hand over her mouth as she began to cry.

Ursula and Nathan looked at each other, shocked. “She hurt you?” Ursula piped up in a more sympathetic voice.

“Physically and mentally. I needed to be alone after and seeing you just made me feel so guilty. You two are under my care and I should have been able to get over myself, but the- the sight of you just made me lose control.”

“Maybe this has something to do with your concussion,” Nathan suggested.

“Possibly. I don’t know.” Lilith slid onto the ground again, barely holding back sobs, and the twins stared. They were much too young to deal with this.

“I didn’t know that being a Victor was so bad,” Ursula said. “Paying for your medicine for years afterward doesn’t seem reasonable to me.”

“Not everything is this terrible,” Lilith said quickly through her tears, aware of the microphone just a few feet away. “My other clients are understanding and allow me space. Jillian only thinks of herself.”

“Hallina Snow is related to the president. Can’t she help?” Nathan asked, coming to sit opposite his sister. She was forgiven, and that fact dried her tears slightly. 

“Hallina... maybe. I don’t want to think about it.” Lilith shook her head. “I’m so glad that you understand. I will try my hardest not to snap at either of you again and share more about my duties.” She made an attempt to smile but it failed so miserably that Ursula had to laugh.

“That is so mean! Our sister is upset over someone hurting her and you’re  _ laughing _ ?” Nathan turned on Ursula, eyes blazing. 

“You take everything too seriously and think in sympathetic terms. Lilith has to pull herself together, so laughing is helpful,” Ursula argued.

“Where is this coming from?” Lilith asked. Ursula picked up much more about Panem than her sister had guessed.

“Real life. You can’t live in your nice world where everyone is nice to each other all the time, or at all, forever.” Ursula scoffed at the hurt look on Nathan’s face. “Good luck in training.”

“Training for what?” Nathan looked between his sisters and focused on Lilith’s grimace.

“Your enrollment in the Academy covers Hunger Games training. It’s illegal, of course, but one of the perks of being a Victor.” Lilith shrugged. “Think of it as an exercise regime.”

“I don’t want to volunteer. We aren’t District 2 citizens!” Nathan protested.

“No, and you will not be eligible for advanced classes unless you show real talent, which at least one of you will. I’m sorry you had to hear about this now, Nathan.” Lilith reached out, and Nathan fell into her arms in a tight hug. “I love you. Okay? I am trying to give you the best future and training is a part of it.” She kissed her brother’s head and let go. “Now let me wash my face and take some pain meds. I’ve missed at least three doses.”

“We need to watch the Hunger Games! The alliances are really close to each other,” Ursula said, jumping from topics easily. A slice of normalcy. 

The only alliance who had kept up a truce was the Careers. They had actually bonded with each other, unlike the other two groups. Avery and Curt had stopped arguing long enough to murder Joanne in her sleep four days before and a bloody, rather pathetic battle had left Vivianne and Blythe of District 6 victorious in the third alliance. Now the maze was leading the remaining tributes to a showdown in the middle of a large abandoned building, where the Careers were camped out. 

What an odd day. Lilith stared at herself in the mirror. The cuts on her body were nothing compared to the wounds in her mind. She needed to get a handle on her reactions to hardship before her siblings would stop forgiving her for transgressions and hidden information. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Death Toll: 16  
> Wire (D3M)- killed by Blythe (D6M) on Day 4  
> Carl (D8M)- killed by Vivianne (D6F) on Day 4  
> Samuel (D9M)- killed by Blythe (D6M) and Vivianne (D6F) on Day 6  
> Joanne (D12F)- killed by Curt (D10M) and Avery (D10F) on Day 6
> 
> Kill Count  
> Cashmere (D1F): 3  
> Martin (D2M): 3  
> Heidi (D2F): 2  
> Ford (D1M):2  
> Avery (D10F): 2  
> Curt (D10M): 2  
> Vivianne (D6F): 2  
> Blythe (D6M): 2


	101. Chapter 95

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lilith and the twins watch the Hunger Games.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: blood, violence, death

__ _ “I’m excited,” Ursula said, coming back from the kitchen with a bowl of popcorn. Lilith changed channels from where Charles’ limp body was being taken away to the controlled death of the Hunger Games. _ The cameras were focused on the Careers, who were beginning to hear the sound of other tributes approaching.

“There are people coming,” Heidi said, glancing around at the crumbled buildings. Overgrown bushes blocked her view.

“Agreed.” Cashmere stood from her place on a rock, reaching for her sword. She’d taken out three tributes in the Bloodbath with deft, intelligent movements, killing quickly and with no mess. She was being compared to Lilith in the press for her clean kills, though she was obviously more skilled than the District 11 Victor had been and was now. “Get your weapons ready. It’s gonna be a battle.”

“I don’t want to,” Ford said from his reclining pose on the ground. 

“Die then,” Martin snapped, readying his club. He was surprisingly good with the weapon, having barely practiced with it in training.

“What, you’ll kill me?” Ford sneered. He towered over Martin both in muscle and size. The other boy could easily outrun him, though, and had showed that in the Bloodbath. Those two gave Cashmere the most trouble as they constantly sparred with each other, but never came to blows. Martin’s taunting brought Ford to his senses this time.

Meanwhile, Avery and Curt were creeping through the bushes, doing their best to be quiet. They were relatively good at it but no match for the sharp ears of the Careers, who had spent years in specialized classes for this exact eventuality: sensing other tributes coming from afar. Vivianne and Blythe attracted the most attention, mostly because Blythe stumbled over every possible root. Vivianne looked like she wanted to murder her District partner. Ursula and Nathan shared a laugh at the situation.

“Are you serious? Can you manage two steps without falling?” Vivianne demanded.

“I hate the outdoors!” Blythe countered. “My work is in rail production, yours actually laying them out. Completely different.”

“Still, you could  _ try  _ to be a little more graceful.” Vivianne rolled her eyes. “Anyway, we’re already- shit!” She yelped in surprise as a knife flew right by. Heidi cursed to herself when she realized that she hadn’t hurt anyone. “We’re close to the Careers,” Vivianne finished shakily.

Avery took advantage of the Careers’ distraction to jump at Ford from the bushes, slicing downwards with her dagger. She missed, of course, because Ford reacted quickly. Curt joined the fight and the clearing was suddenly full of action. Cashmere scrambled backwards, gripping a bow, while Martin and Heidi teamed up against Vivianne and Blythe. 

“There’s so much going on. What do I look at?” Nathan’s eyes darted around the screen, trying to focus on something.

“Cashmere. She has a plan,” Lilith said quietly. She could handle the way her head complained for watching the girl stalk everyone else.

Cashmere was mumbling something to herself as she notched an arrow onto the bow. Her tendency to speak to herself had raised many eyebrows in the Capitol, and Gloss had confided at a recent party that his sister suffered from several mental disorders, kept under control with medication she couldn’t access in the Arena. 

“Okay,” Nathan agreed. He looked past Heidi and Vivianne in time to miss the former stabbing the latter in the shoulder. Ursula squealed in excitement at Vivianne’s cry of pain.

“You don’t need to enjoy death  _ that  _ much,” Lilith said, both amused and horrified.

“What do you want from me? This is socially acceptable, correct?” Ursula challenged.

“Fair enough. Nathan, what is Cashmere up to?” Lilith wanted the cameras to move away from Ford, Avery, and Curt, who were locked in a stalemate. Experience and skill met passion and there was a lot of jumping away from weapons. 

“I don’t know. Oh no, she’s dying!” Nathan pointed to where Vivianne lay on the ground, bleeding from three different places. She’d managed to get a few scratches on Heidi before going down. 

“Yes,” Lilith said. Cashmere moved then, sending an arrow into Vivianne’s neck. A cannon boomed. 

“No!” Blythe snarled. He lunged desperately at Martin, catching him in the thigh. Martin responded by snapping the boy’s neck, anger crossing his face.

“Gross,” Ursula said, wrinkling her nose. 

“You can shoot a bow?” Martin turned to Cashmere, jaw dropping. “You never even touched one in training.”

“I hid my skills. Classic move.” Cashmere raised her voice only slightly, but it carried in the small space. Ford paid no attention as he was still fighting District 10.

Martin and Heidi took a breather. Ursula frowned at them. “Why are they opening themselves up to Cashmere? Do they think that she won’t shoot them?”

“They trust her. Stupid idea.” Lilith snickered to cover the sinking feeling in her stomach. Heidi might be a brat, but she worked hard and certainly didn’t deserve to die. Martin would have been a friend if not for the fact that he’d been the chosen tribute for these Games from the beginning of the year. 

Cashmere took her time in helping Ford, waiting until Avery had stumbled away from her District partner to release an arrow. It entered Avery’s chest, nailing her heart, and a cannon boomed. Curt didn’t even look over but he was no match for Ford alone.

“Oh, no!” Nathan cried when Ford gripped Curt by the neck and reached down to his belt. “What is he going to do?”

“Nothing pleasant. Look away if you like.” Lilith gritted her teeth. Ursula laughed at Nathan when he took Lilith’s suggestion.

Ford unlatched a club from his belt, grinning widely. What was it about the Hunger Games that made people become savages? This happened every year. District 1’s male dropped Curt onto the ground and leaned down to smash his head in, but the boy wasn’t dead yet. His machete, desperately grabbed from a foot away, slid between Ford’s ribs. 

“Nice,” Lilith hissed. Blood flew, Ford making contact with Curt’s face. A cannon sounded. Nathan shivered beside his sisters.

“Someone- please!” Ford stammered, holding his side, eyes wide. Lilith felt a stab of sympathy for him, especially when Cashmere smirked. She had a distinct advantage over her allies and was going to use it.

Heidi and Martin shared a glance, debating what to do. Cashmere acted before anyone else, shooting Ford in the neck from her crouched position. 

“So the alliance is breaking now,” Martin snarled. “Alright, let’s go, Cashmere.”

“I don’t see this ending well for Heidi and Martin,” Ursula said seriously. Lilith snorted to cover for the emotion that bubbled up at the thought of the two dying.

“You think?”

Heidi wasn’t as injured as Martin and managed to dodge Cashmere’s arrow, unlike Martin, who screamed when he was struck in the side. He turned in confusion and then went stiff, an arrow sticking out of his back. Cashmere laughed, a high-pitched, shocking sound that drove Heidi into movement. She sent a knife flying through the string of Cashmere’s bow and into the younger girl’s dominant shoulder. She was gone with a spare bag, a new set of knives, and a sword in moments, leaving Cashmere gasping over her wound.

“She’s great!” Ursula cried. “I thought that Cashmere would do better there, actually. She should have gone for Heidi after shooting Martin the first time.”

“You’re right.” Lilith ruffled her sister’s hair. “Nathan, you can look now. It’s over.”

“I hated that,” Nathan whimpered. “Why is there so much death?”

“It’s the Hunger Games. What do you expect?” Ursula threw up her hands. “Do you think less of Lilith for killing fifteen tributes? Killian for killing thirteen? Seeder poisoned five people. Grow up.” Ursula stormed off with the empty popcorn bowl, murmuring over her brother’s attitude. Nathan dissolved into tears and Lilith pulled his close, reassuring him with supportive words. She couldn’t help but agree with Ursula: Nathan needed to get over his disgust with death. Society ruled that the Hunger Games were acceptable and killing in the Arena wasn’t murder. His attitude could be dangerous in the future. 

“Look, hun, you missed most of the death this year. Heidi or Cashmere will die next. Just relax, okay? It’s about time to go to the park.” 

Nathan perked up as only children could. He and Ursula enjoyed their time outside and it served to clear Lilith’s head. The Hunger Games would be over soon and they could go home, or at least to a comforting place, in the case of the siblings. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Death Toll: 22  
> Blythe (D6M)- killed by Martin (D2M) on Day 8  
> Vivianne (D6F)- killed by Heidi (D2F) on Day 8  
> Avery (D10F)- killed by Cashmere (D1F) on Day 8  
> Curt (D10M)- killed by Ford (D1M) on Day 8  
> Ford (D1M)- killed by Curt (D10F) on Day 8  
> Martin (D2M)- killed by Cashmere (D1F) on Day 8
> 
> Kill Count  
> Cashmere (D1F): 5  
> Martin (D2M): 4  
> Ford (D1M): 3  
> Heidi (D2F): 3  
> Avery (D10F): 3  
> Curt (D10M): 2  
> Vivianne (D6F): 2  
> Blythe (D6M): 2


	102. Chapter 96

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lilith and Gloss have an interview with Emily Fairysong.

_ “How are you feeling after yesterday?” Lilith asked. She and Gloss were sitting at a casual café, sipping coffee and waiting on plates of pancakes.  _ They had just completed an hour and a half of core and cardio, with no breaks in between sets. “Cashmere looked to be in pain.”

“Yeah, she wasn’t too happy,” Gloss said, residual panic crossing his face. “Heidi’s knife hit deep. She has perfect aim.”

“She didn’t show that in training, but the Hunger Games and a gym are completely different,” Lilith said thoughtfully. “There is a fourteen-year-old whose aim is always accurate so everyone else is overshadowed.”

“Cashmere was in the same boat with archery. District 1’s best tributes are champion archers and she is not like that. She’s excellent but not at the top level, so she had the element of surprise yesterday.” Gloss smiled to himself.

“Your sister is quite clever, I agree,” Lilith said. “Being overlooked is an advantage in the Hunger Games sometimes.”

“Anyway, Apple got Cash medicine and she stitched up the wound pretty well. She knows how to take care of herself.” Gloss looked up when a plate landed before him. “Oh, great!”

“Thank you,” Lilith said to the Avox waiter. 

“What are you doing that for?” Gloss snorted. “They don’t need to be thanked. Do you want to incite a rebellion.”

“Common courtesy is not the spark for a rebellion,” Lilith argued. “I have noticed that those who think of Avoxes as less than human tend to have stiff ideas of what behavior is socially acceptable and break those rules with Avoxes.”

“Fair enough. I just... with the rumors of your involvement with the rebellion, you should be careful in public.”

“I am well aware.” Lilith sighed. “This is not new to me. If you don’t mind me asking, what was it like in the District 1 camp after Ariana died?”

Gloss glanced around before deciding to relax. “Not great. Everyone was interviewed vigorously and spent a night in jail. Charles Colgreen took the fall with his arrest and we’re all good.” He shrugged helplessly. She was a bad apple, and never really one of us after she got involved with Colgreen. Too bad.”

There had to be more to the story, but that was for later. Lilith shifted the subject to something safer. “You have younger siblings, right? Do any of them show an intense interest in the Hunger Games?”

Gloss took a bite of pancakes thoughtfully. “Not really, actually, and neither does my father’s new wife. It’s a bit unsettling. I can see your siblings not being used to the Games but my family is from District 1! Adoration for the event is embedded in the culture.”

Lilith grabbed maple syrup and poured it over her food. “True enough. Nathan does not love violence but will sit and talk about each individual all day. Ursula, meanwhile, is almost fanatic about each battle. I am quite interested in tactics but do not revel in death.”

“Interesting. What is her personality like in general?” Gloss quizzed.

“She’s an intelligent brat, to be quite honest with you,” Lilith said bluntly after swallowing a delicious bite of pancakes. “She can read far above her age level but throws these massive tantrums when something doesn’t go her way. It was reasonable when she was a starving four-year-old but is just alarming now.”

“Yeah, that’s really weird. She seemed headstrong but relatively stable when I met her at the Bloodbath part.”

“She knows how to behave in public.” Lilith sighed as she continued eating her breakfast. “She listens to me generally, though, and is a good kid at heart.”

“I’m sure. So, are you ready for our interview?” Gloss grinned easily. “I think that inviting Emily for breakfast was a good idea. It’s just more comfortable, even if she does refuse to eat.”

More comfortable, sure, but a request that only a Career Victor could make. Lilith was told where to go and what to do while Gloss had just called Emily and gotten a flexible interview in minutes. All Lilith could do was put on presentable clothing and hope that Emily didn’t come down too hard on her for not wearing make-up.

Emily arrived at exactly 9:30, with four cameramen trailing her. She grimaced at the amount of food on Lilith’s plate but then broke into a grin the moment the cameras began rolling. “Hello, you two! Isn’t it a lovely day?” 

“Wonderful, yes,” Gloss agreed. “Please sit down. I apologize for already ordering.”

“Don’t worry about it.” Emily sat in the chair Lilith offered, not letting the smile slip off of her face. “I already ate and you two were planning on going to the gym. The last thing I want is to interrupt your refueling time.”

“That’s very nice of you,” Lilith said pleasantly. “What did you want to discuss?”

“The Hunger Games, of course!” Emily almost shrieked. The cameramen laughed, but the Victors and the few other diners on the patio just stared. “Let’s cut that out,” Emily said quietly, her face reddening. 

“Right, re-rolling,” the cameraman to the right of the group said. Emily brightened immediately and the film must have caught the amused look Lilith and Gloss shared. 

“Hello! It’s a lovely summer day and I am sitting with Gloss Poolshine and Lilith Hardy to discuss the events of the eighth day of the 64th Hunger Games. To recap, the pairs from District 6 and District 10 came across the pairs from Districts 1 and 2, otherwise known as the Careers. The outside tributes died, of course, but then it really got interesting! District 10’s male took out Ford of District 1 before dying. His District partner and Mr. Poolshine’s sister turned on the pair from District 2 and killed the boy before Heidi threw a knife at her and got away. It was so exciting! Be sure to catch up as soon as possible.”

Lilith blinked at the onslaught of words, feeling a headache coming on. Of course her mind reeled away from conversation the moment the interview began. Typical.

“Mr. Poolshine, what are your feelings this morning? Cashmere appears to be doing better, but you must have been scared for a few minutes!” Emily shoved a microphone right into Gloss’s face. To his credit, he answered smoothly and with very little hesitation.

“Much better. Of course I understand how the Hunger Games work, but it is different when my sister is the one getting hurt.” 

“She’s doing well now, right?” Emily pushed.

“Yes, Apple acted quickly and Cashmere is self-sufficient. A good sleep and a better workout helped me calm down,” Gloss smiled. “I was actually impressed with Heidi. She did hurt my sister but I respect those who want to survive.

“Wonderful! You were in the same position last year, of course you understand.Now, I am no athlete, but I do enjoy walks every now and then. Miss Hardy, what is your take on yesterday’s events?”

This interview was just as important as one that was held in an official venue. Lilith straightened just slightly. “I was most impressed with three tributes. Heidi has great aim and showed real grit. It takes a lot of strength of will to continue fighting while...” Lilith lost her thoughts for a moment before continuing. “To continue fighting while mortally wounded, so Curt of District 10 really proved himself as a contender.”

“Sure.” Emily quirked her lips; she was probably irked that Lilith had mentioned a tribute not in the popular conversation. “And who is the third?”

“Cashmere pulled out a new skill and killed two tributes with it, she’s the third,” Lilith replied, chuckling quietly. 

“I could have guessed. Since when do you have an attitude?” Emily asked Lilith sharply. “An attitude is unattractive. Do you want to chase potential tribute sponsors away?”

“I am in no danger. Attitude is sexy on an exotic girl,” Lilith shot back. Gloss choked on a sip of water while trying not to laugh. 

The rest of the interview wasn’t Lilith’s best effort. She lost concentration several times and barely got through, raising Gloss’s concern level and Emily’s ire. Oh well: she wouldn’t be punished. Anything could be solved through sex.

Speaking of which, Lilith only had a limited amount of time to spend with Ursula and Nathan that afternoon before an appointment with her newest client, Brooklyn Moors. She still felt sore from her night with Jillian, so all she could hope was that Brooklyn didn’t expect as much of her. Three hours of games with the twins tired her out- not an ideal mental state to meet a client. All she needed to do was get through it.


End file.
